Unbreakable You: Breakup Without Being Broken

Today we are going to talk about the authentic self versus the adapted self and how each type affects the way in which you show up in the world.  The authentic self is your innate being, your inner knowing. It encompasses your earliest thoughts, likes and dislikes, your passions, and your capabilities. Think of your authentic self as the way you shine for all to see.  

The adapted self is the opposite. When your personality begins to develop around the age of four or five, you must learn how to thrive or survive within the family system in which you were raised. You bend, and therefore, adapt in order to survive. This is your adapted self and can dim the brightest parts of who you are and are meant to be.   

You might be surprised to hear how much you operate from your adapted self versus your authentic self. 

In this episode, I share a personal story about the development of my adapted self. I then share how later, as an adult, I began to live life from my authentic self and how when doing so, things began to align in the greatest possible way.  As you listen to my story, I invite you to look inward and ask, “What part of me adapted to be the person I am today and why?” And then ask, “How can I move into alignment with my authentic self?”  

Episode Highlights: 

• When we start to depart from our authentic selves and start taking on a role that is larger than who we are; we lose a huge part of our innocence. 
• We all have subconscious marching orders that we gain to survive and thrive in our familial household. 
• The people and events in our lives are vibrationally matching our adapted selves versus our authentic selves. 
• When you move further apart from who you are, you will see the effects in two main areas of your life: your romantic partnerships and your professional life. 
• Returning to self means being one with your divine purpose and your authentic self. 

This week we’re going deep into childhood traumas and how it affects your relationships. A few weeks ago, I was invited by my dear friend and colleague, Jennifer Hurvitz, to join her on her podcast, Doing Relationships Right.  The episode turned out great and Jennifer gave me permission to broadcast it on my channel so you can benefit from it too. 

You have heard me talk a lot about childhood trauma in previous episodes, and it's something that's near and dear to my heart. It is also a huge centerpiece of my coaching. In fact, unresolved trauma is the root cause of so many of our relationship problems.  

In this episode, I break down the big T's and little T's of trauma and how even a small childhood event can alter your self-worth so much that it can have long-term damaging effects in your adult life.  

Episode Highlights: 

• The definition of trauma and what happens when we experience it.  
• The big T’s and little T’s of trauma, plus the covertness of little T trauma. 
• Some signs that you may still dealing with unresolved trauma from your past.  
• How you can work to heal childhood trauma and find the authentic child within.  

Narcissistic abuse is a heavy topic. It takes a special person to go into the hard discussions that many people don’t really want to talk about, and that is where Tracy Malone comes in. She takes on the nuanced difficulties of narcissistic abuse. She helps victims learn the strategies needed to get through divorce and move on to being “sur-thrivers.” In this episode, Tracy joins Lindsey to discuss narcissistic abuse and divorce.  

Tracy is an internationally recognized expert on emotional abuse, narcissistic personality disorder, covert narcissists, divorcing a narcissist, co-parenting, gaslighting, 

co-dependency, people-pleasing, boundaries, and how to heal after emotional abuse. She is also the author of Divorcing Your Narcissist: You Can’t Make This Shit Up.  

Listen in as Lindsey and Tracy offer insight and advice on how to successfully divorce a narcissist. 

Episode Highlights: 

• Some of the challenges and mistakes victims face when divorcing a narcissist.  
• Why knowing what battles to fight is so important.  
• What kind of lawyer you should hire when divorcing a narcissist - a bulldog lawyer, another narcissist, or an empathetic lawyer?  
• The gray areas of a divorce decree and why laying everything out, in the beginning, will help you to narc-proof co-parenting plans and more.  
• Tracy offers this reminder, “You will be okay - even if you’ve lost everything.” 

Late last summer, Michelle was in the middle of court negotiations with a high-conflict narcissist and she was in a toxic relationship post-divorce, but desperate to get out. Before she found me on my podcast, she was stressed out and could hardly focus on her life and young daughter.

But Michelle made the best investment of her life by enrolling in my signature Breakup Breakthrough coaching program. And after just 8 weeks, she had such a remarkable outcome, I knew I had to bring her on my show!

She has healed from childhood spiritual trauma, broke free of two toxic relationships, divorced a narcissist, and is finally in recovery from love addiction. I hope our conversation offers inspiration to those who might be struggling with moving on from someone, getting a divorce, or even dealing with a narcissist.  Listen in to hear Michelle’s empowering journey of transformation.

Episode Highlights: 

• Michelle shares some of her relationship struggles including divorcing a narcissist and toxic relationships
• How being unkind, feeling unworthy, and distrust of self spiderwebbed into many areas of her life. Later she shares how she learned the importance of extending forgiveness and compassion to herself
• The effects on the authentic child when someone else’s belief system or narrative is forced upon them
• How Michelle was able to process the layers of family system abuse without holding anger or shame toward her parents.  She also explains how she made peace with spirit and higher power
• The steps Michelle took to end her toxic relationship with “Chad”
• Lessons learned from divorcing and co-parenting with a narcissist

--->  If you're inspired by Michelle's journey and are interested in having your own Breakup Breakthrough, go HERE to learn more and apply!

In theory, boundaries sound like an easy thing, but we all struggle with honoring them. When we don’t have healthy boundaries with ourselves or with other people, we are setting ourselves up for failure in our relationships at work, with family, with siblings, and even with romantic partners. To discuss how to honor and navigate boundaries like a boss, Lindsey is joined by leading boundaries expert, Terri Cole. 

Together, Lindsey and Terri discuss how cultural upbringing influences boundaries, how ineffective boundaries can wreak havoc on relationships, and the importance of daily actions of self-love. Take a listen to see where your boundaries might be skewed and determine what actions you might be able to take in order to finally talk true, be seen, and live free. I hope you enjoy this episode.

Episode Highlights: 

• Today’s boundaries epidemic and why women, specifically, struggle with boundaries so much. 
• Terri explains high-functioning co-dependency, why it is unhealthy, and how it messes up your internal peace (and potentially the peace of others).  
• How to create and enforce better self-protection boundaries with friends or family members who are energy vampires. 
• Boundary destroyers and why the normal rules of boundary engagement do not apply. 
• It is our job to negotiate for our needs and share our preferences with the people in our lives. 
• Effective versus ineffective boundaries, Terri’s Boundary Revolution, and stopping generational pain that ineffective boundaries cause.  

Connect with Terri through her website, on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter.  

I'm back with author Robert Jackman, who wrote the best selling book, Healing Your Inner Child. I spoke with Robert in a previous podcast (Season 3, Episode 4) about that book, and now he's back with a new book titled, Healing Your Wounded Relationship.

If you are struggling with getting over a breakup, or  you're trying to repair an existing relationship, then this is the episode for you.

You can find his newest book HERE - make sure you check it out! 

In this episode I talk with Dr. Don Russell who specializes in trauma and trauma treatment. We discuss how we can experience trauma in relationships, how to recover, and how to manage trauma triggers or responses.

Dr. Don's Trauma Treatment Companion can be found HERE. 

If you've been cheated on or if you've been the mistress (or mister) of a cheater, then this episode is for you. I talk with Affair Recovery Coach (and former mistress) Kate London, who unveils the complicated emotions and psychology of those who are in a relationship with a married person. If you've been cheated on, you may see a lot of similarities between you and the mistresses' mind set. Take a listen!

Check out Kate's website!

I took almost a year off and have written a new book where I share all the details. I also give you an update on why I took off and share personal details about all that happened, and what's new for this season. 

In this episode, I interview Board Certified Therapist Robert Jackman, author of Healing Your Lost Inner Child. When you're having an emotional response, your 5-year-old self may be protecting. That child may be waiting for a trigger to appear. As a responsible adult, you may be trying to figure out why you reacted as you did. In this fascinating conversation, Robert explains why you may be reacting a certain way and how you can heal the Inner Child and change your behavior.

Robert Jackman can be found:

Website: https://theartofpracticalwisdom.com/
https://www.facebook.com/The-Art-of-Practical-Wisdom-106724507754215/

 

You may consider yourself a perfectionist, which may or may not be a good thing (depending on who you ask), but have you ever wondered where your perfectionism comes from? In this episode, I explore my "issues" around my own perfectionism, and how certain details of my childhood created this oh, so lovely, little trait of mine. Find out why you may be a perfectionist and what you can do to reign it in should it throw you off course. 

Hey everyone, I'm back from the dead! Actually, that is almost a literal statement. After taking a few months off, I share with you my very personal story of what happened to me this summer, and why I had to get some help. I hope my sharing can help you on whatever journey you may be on. 

I am back and so excited to rock a new season, with lots of new episodes and all that I have learned. Subscribe to my channel to get all the new goodies!

Lindsey interviews Dr. Alexandra Solomon, author of Taking Sexy Back about sex and sexuality. As women in our culture, we have been bombarded with messages from the outside world about who we should be, who we shouldn't be, what we should and shouldn't be doing.

In this riveting episode, Lindsey & Dr. Solomon discuss how we look at sex as a society, how women can change their perspective on what 'sexy' is and what it means, and how we can feel better about their bodies. They discuss the female sex organs and how they relate to sex and the latest research on women and sexuality.

This is a must-listen-to episode for all genders!

Learn more about Dr. Alexandra Solomon.

Mentioned in this episode:

Erika Lust Photography
Make Love Not Porn, TedX with Cindy Gallop
The Beauty Myth by Renee Engle
Esther Perel

This episode isn't really a podcast but a recording of my free "Power Hour" calls that I sometimes have with my subscribers. There's no show intro, but I am posting it here because it truly is worth a listen for anyone who feels alone in their situation and wants to be uplifted! 

I get this question all the time so I reached out to one of the top mediators (and attorney) in the country, Susan Guthrie, to set us straight. The answer? Yes, you can!  But unfortunately, not always, but it mostly has to do with the mediator and less about you and your case. On this episode, find out what you should be asking mediators and how to find one who has the experience to handle your (potentially) high conflict case.

Have a question for Susan? Find her on her site, DivorceInaBetterWay.com.

And be sure to listen to her podcasts, as they are a wealth of information! Check them out HERE!. 

In this episode, I speak with Heidi Busche, author of Relationship Ready: How I Stopped Fucking Randos and Started Cupcaking My Soulmate (is that not the best title?)  After striking out with guy after guy, she was finally ready to try something different. After completing some soul-level, transformational work around men and relationships, Heidi decided that women every where could benefit from the tools that had helped her.  She left that cubicle life in 2018 to write her first book, Relationship Ready, and to chase her passion - helping women identify and change painful patterns in their relationships. 

If you're ready to date, or maybe just thinking about, this episode is for you. Learn from our mistakes and hey, you may just laugh along the way!

Get a copy of her book HERE. 

Negotiating with a narcissist (or a high conflict person) seems like an oxymoron, right? And have you ever had an attorney who has no idea HOW to negotiate with such a person? Well in this episode, I talk with superstar attorney, Rebecca Zung, who is a master at negotiating, and understands the difficulties of negotiating first-hand. She offers a methodology called M.A.T.T.E.R and she breaks down each letter as an action plan for how to create your best negotiation.

Update: Check out Rebecca's new online course, SLAY Your Negotiation, which teaches you how to divorce a narcissist. I am blown away by all of this great content! Use 'Slay200' as coupon code to get $200 off!

You can find a copy of her book HERE. 

Divorce can be messy, gut wrenching, and throw you off balance for at least 1-3 years. But divorce attorney, mediator, and author of the book Better Apart, Gabrielle Hartley, shares her radical ideas on how we can separate without losing ourselves in the process. Hint: It's about your mindset and how you look at it!

Join her masterclass and use "Better30" for a discount into the program.
https://www.masterclass.gabriellehartley.com/better-apart-masterclass

Liked this episode? Please leave a review!

Meet Susan Eckstein, empowerment coach, badass, mom warrior and advocate. Eight years ago she divorced her husband and made the brave choice to be the non-custodial parent, a heart-wrenching decision she made for her two boys. For years she hid her decision from her social circle, until she decided, only recently, to release her shame, define motherhood for herself, and share her journey with the world.

And for all you non-custodial dads out there, listen to this! This episode is also for you.

Find Susan at www.susanecksteincoaching.com
Instagram: @susan_eckstein
FB:  https://www.facebook.com/susanecksteincoaching/ 

How many times have you texted your ex and gotten no response? Or when you ask for reimbursement on something and you lose track of all that you are owed? Or what about all those texts between the tow of you and you can't keep track of all that back and forth? Finally, there's a solution and it's called Fayr - a robust app that makes coparenting easier. I talk with Michael Daniels, founder of Fayr and divorced father of two. He shares his personal story of his divorce, losing everything, living out of his car and his big idea that got him back on his feet, helping millions of parents struggling with coparenting.

Ready to get the app? Go to BeFayr.com and sign up using the discount code "Lindsey1" - NOTE: You must go through website and not the app store to get the discount!

P.S. - Check out his appearance on Planet of the Apps, Apple TV's reality show for rising tech stars HERE and see how Gwyneth Paltrow backs his investment. Pretty cool!