Youth Culture Today with Walt Mueller

At one time or another, all of us were teenagers. And regardless of what generation you are from and when you went through your teenage years, you experienced having to navigate the developmental task of forming your identity. It’s during the teenage years that the search for the answer to the question “Who am I?” reaches it’s peak. In today’s social media saturated world in which our kids are encouraged to create your own authentic self, Identity is not longer seen as something we receive from outside of ourselves, but something which we choose and create for ourselves. In fact, in today’s world, our kids are always becoming rather than being. They are on a never-ending search for their true selves. This is evidenced in big ways in the way that kids are choosing rather than accepting their gender. What our kids need to know is that they have been created by God in the image of God, and when they are in Christ they are sons and daughters of God. That is where we are to find our identity.

We live in a world where conversations about sex and gender are all around us. According to the spirit of the times, each individual is sovereign over themselves, and therefore able to choose to live according to their feelings, desires, and preferences. But for the Christian, the foundation must be the Word of God. In his book Biblical Critical Theory, Christopher Watkin writes these words we must heed: “Genesis one is the single block on the bottom row of the Bible’s Jenga tower. If this one truth is removed or neglected, the whole edifice comes crashing down. The first verse of the Bible is really the foundation for everything else: “In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. If we can understand the implications of that single verse, we are well on our way to answer the ‘so what?’ question of the whole of the Scriptures.” Parents, we must teach our kids that God has created sex and gender. He is sovereign over all, and we must live into his design, not our own.

I recently had a youth worker friend lament what’s happening in the lives of her students as the result of some bad habits their families have adopted. She told me that after doing a quick survey of her students, she learned that only about ten percent eat dinner with their families every night. She went on to say that some of the families rarely ate dinner together. She told me that she had discovered that one of her students was using drugs. When she went to that student’s parents to share what she had learned, the parents were flabbergasted. When the parents wondered how they had missed this with their child, my youth worker friend was able to help them understand that their lack of time together as a family made it easy for them to miss what was happening with their teenager. A recent study of families in Britain found that families spend, on average, just six hours together a week. Parents, God has given you a relationship with your children. Nurture takes place when we spend time together.

Those of us who live here in North America have been deeply blessed in terms of material provisions and wealth. Relative to the rest of the world’s population, we are incredibly rich. Jesus warned about the dangers of money and wealth, and these are warnings we must heed ourselves, and teach our children to heed as well. In Luke sixteen Jesus speaks these words, “No servant can serve two masters, for either he will hate the one and love the other, or her will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money.” I recently read these helpful clarifying words of commentary on this saying of Jesus: “Sin arises not when we possess riches but only when our riches possess us. To set our hearts on wealth is to turn away from God.” Parents, we need to model and teach a proper, God-glorifying perspective on money and wealth. We must warn our kids against idolatry, and to use all they have and will be given to God’s glory.

The American Psychological Association has released a new set of recommendations regarding teenagers and their use of social media. Likening social media use to getting behind the wheel of a car, APA President Thema Bryant says that “just as we require young people to be trained in order to get a driver’s license, our youth need instruction in the safe and healthy use of social media.” The APA recommends that this training should not be a once and done thing, but rather something that is revisited from time to time to reinforce best practices in an effort to protect kids from potential harm. Parents should also be setting borders and boundaries, along with monitoring their child’s social media use. Parents, this is a wise step to take as you fulfill your God-given responsibility to nurture and parent your children. Taking these steps might limit their exposure to content promoting self-harm, disordered eating, bigotry, sexual license, and gender fluidity. Be diligent with your kids.

I recently ran across the transcript from an interview I conducted fifteen years ago with theologian and author, David Wells. My last question to Dr Wells was this: If you were to address a room full of youth workers and you had the opportunity to communicate one message to them, what one message would you communicate? Here’s his answer, and it applies to parents as well:  It is time to get brave. Let’s stop the pandering. Kids see right through it. Let’s give them the real thing. They are looking for it. No one has demanded anything of them; let us tell them that if they come to Christ, he bids them die. No one has told them that they can know truth as something other than their own private perspectives; let us tell them there is Truth and those who know it, lose their lives. No one has told them that there is a different way of life. If we tell them that they can have Christ on their own terms, we are selling them down the river. They instinctively know that. So, let us not make fools of ourselves anymore.

In her book, Live Your Truth and Other Lies, Alisa Childers says that there are endless ways that truth can be spun, manipulated, covered up, and even used to promote deception. Often, the lie is christened with religious-sounding language that makes it seem to feel right. Over my own years in ministry, I’ve come to understand that a half-truth is actually more dangerous than a complete lie. As Christians, we actually do a better job of spotting complete lies. But lacking well-honed skills of discernment, we also tend to jump right into half-truths. Childers issues this warning: Our culture is brimming with slogans that promise peace, fulfillment, freedom, empowerment, and hope. These messages have become such an integral part of our American consciousness that many people don’t even think to question them. They sound nice and carry an illusion of truth. The problem? They are lies. Parents, we need to teach our kids biblical discernment, and that begins with taking them into God’s Word.

As Christian parents, we must embrace the need to pray for our kids. But what should our expectations be regarding how we pray for our kids? Theologian J.G. Vos offers these helpful words: "We should expect and believe that God will answer our prayers in his own appointed time and way according to his holy will. That is, in all our praying we must be careful to maintain an attitude of submission to the sovereignty of God. We may never presume to dictate to God as to when and how our prayers are to be answered. If God in his sovereignty chooses to delay the answer to our prayers, we are not to become discouraged and give up praying; we are to exercise Christian patience, and keep on praying with 'perseverance, waiting upon him.' If God does not answer our prayers in the way we desired, we should realize that this is not an unkindness or lack of love on God's part, but because to grant our requests as we asked would not really be for God's glory and our own good."

Recently, there’s been a lot of conversation centered around the CDC’s latest edition of the Youth Risk Behavior Survey. The conversations are centered focused on of the findings related to teenagers and sexual behavior. The long-standing biannual survey continues to ask teens, “Have you ever had sexual intercourse?” The reality is that fewer teens are having sexual intercourse. But that does not mean that fewer teens are engaging in sexual activity. In fact, the kids themselves find the question to be out-dated, as there are many types of sexual activity and hook-ups that have become more and more common among our kids. For example, some kids talk about short-term hook-ups that are known as “situationships.” These are low commitment high-risk activities that might not be sexual intercourse. All this reminds us that our education regarding biblical sexuality is much-needed, perhaps now more than ever. Teach your kids God’s good design. 

Today, I’d like to remind you of the passage in Deuteronomy six that’s known as the Shema. Listen carefully to these inspired words to parents. “Hear, O Israel, the Lord our god, the Lord is one. You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your head, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.” As I read these words that remain as parental marching orders today, I am reminded of the need to consistently teach our children and teens the truths of God’s Word, in and through everything we do and everything we are. Are you consistently planting the seeds of God’s Word in your child’s life?

The late Dr. Paul Tournier, known by many as the twentieth century’s most famous Christian physician, wrote a book back in 1954 titled “The Meaning Of Persons” that offers some very helpful insights for today’s world as we try to figure out how to best navigate social media in healthy ways. Tournier said that we all have to recognize the disparity that exists between who we know ourselves to be on the inside, along with how we decide to present ourselves to other people. He calls this disparity the difference between what we know to be our person, and the personage we present to the world. Because social media allows us to create, fabricate, curate, and present a false self to our followers, this disparity can be especially wide in today’s world. Tournier says we become contradictory beings. The further apart our persons and our personages are, the greater will be our problems with mental health, for part of our lives will be lie. Could it be that this is at the heart of our kids mental health issues?

Today, I’d like to share with you a prayer from a little daily Scripture reading guide that I use titled “Seeking God’s Face.” This prayer is most timely for life in today’s world as each of us, young and old alike, works to navigate God’s good gift of sexuality to His glory and our good. Since sexual temptations are ever-present, this helpful short prayer is one that each of us can share with our kids. Here’s the prayer: “Covenant God, we know the well-worn path of sexual sin – a lingering look, a lustful desire, a wicked thought, a world of invitation, and finally the actual act. Single or married, keep us true to your intention for the bodies you gave, always honoring you and others in them. In Christ’s name. Amen.” Parents, I encourage you to help your kids understand not only the goodness of their sexuality, but the many ways in which our sinful and broken selves so easily go astray. Share with them the universality of sexual sin, and point them to the God who promised to give them a way out.

Sometimes some research comes along that confirms what we already know just from intuition. But we need to listen to that research as it reminds us of things that should be getting our attention. A new study published in the Journal of Family Psychology found that chaotic home environments have a negative influence on family communication, specifically leading to reduced conversations and sharing between teenagers and their mothers. A chaotic home is one that breeds the kinds of unpredictability and tension that leads kids to clam up and avoid conversations. Parents, the responsibility to maintain peace in our homes falls on us. We need to eat together, engage in fun activities together, attend worship together, and pray together as we nurture our children in the faith. Our prayers must echo the words of this benediction: the Lord make his face to shine upon us, and be gracious to us. The Lord lift up His countenance upon us, and give us peace, this day and forever more.

Parents, do you struggle to figure out how to best guide your children and teens through the difficult realities of life in today’s world? If you do, you are not alone. Our rapidly changing world can leave our heads spinning. Dr. James Montgomery Boice offers up these words of advice and remedy that I have found to be personally helpful: Study the bible daily. We should discipline our lives to include regular periods of Bible study, just as we discipline ourselves to have regular periods for sleep, eating our meals, and so on. These things are necessary if the body is to be healthy and if good work is to be done. In the same way, we must feed regularly on God’s Word if we are to become and remain spiritually strong.” These helpful words from James Boice are a good guideline as we parent in today’s world. Only the regular study of God’s word can give us the perspective and wisdom we need to raise our kids in the midst of culture’s many pressures. Parents, point your kids to God’s unchanging word.

One of the most difficult issues parents find themselves navigating in today’s smartphone and social media saturated world relates to setting proper borders and boundaries for their kids when it comes to devices and online time. Many parents I run into lament putting a smartphone in the hands of their children and teens. Most did it for a couple of reasons. First, to know where their kids are and to keep them safe. And second, they don’t want their kids to feel left out when their circle of friends are all on smartphones and social media. I recently heard some great advice from actress Jennifer Garner regarding how she has kept her three kids, ages seventeen, thirteen, and eleven, off social media. She says, “I just said to my kids, show me the articles that prove that social media is good for teenagers, and then we’ll have the conversation. Find scientific evidence that matches what I have that says it’s not good for teenagers, then we’ll chat.” Parents, this is a great way to navigate this issue with your kids.

In today’s world, our kids are encouraged by the cultural narrative to live their lives at the level of their experiences and feelings. If a decision needs to be made or a belief is embraced, those decisions and beliefs should be based solely not on some outside authority, but on the authority of one’s own opinions. For the Christian, the only trustworthy authority is God’s unchanging Word. In his second letter to Timothy, the Apostle Paul reminds timothy to embrace the Scriptures, which are able to make us wise for salvation through faith in Jesus Christ.” Paul continues, “All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, equipped for every good work.” Paul is telling all of us to submit our beliefs and behaviors to trustworthy authority of God’s Word. The late James Montgomery Boice says this: “We must evaluate our experiences by the Bible’s teaching, rather than the other way around.”

I recently read about a group that is working to address a growing issue facing families and schools. The organization is called the School Avoidance Alliance and it exists to address the issue of school avoidance, which is when a child refuses to attend school or has difficulty remaining in school the entire day. The alliance tells us that child motivated refusal to attend school or remain in class is not uncommon. In fact, school avoidance affects anywhere from five to twenty-eight percent of youth at some time. The listed causes include phobias, anxiety disorders of all types, ptsd, learning differences, bullying, and mental health issues. Because school avoidance is a sign of deeper issues, we suggest that you seek out the help of a qualified Christian counselor if school avoidance is an issue in your family. Don’t overlook the fact that Pointing school avoidant kids to reassuring Scriptures about God’s provision and protection is one necessary intervention strategy.

Sadly, alcohol use and abuse has been seen as a normal rite of passage for kids over the course of several generations. But do you know that aside from the moral and spiritual reasons to be concerned, there are a host of other reasons to be concerned about kids using alcohol? The folks at drugfree.org list the following reasons for concern. First, alcohol does damage to a teenager’s developing brain. Second, alcohol use leads to risky behaviors. Third, teens run the risk of drinking and driving while impaired, a habit that can end lives and change families forever. Fourth, alcohol use contributes to poor mental health and is a significant factor in youth suicide. Fifth, alcohol use can lead to chronic health problems. Sixth, there is the danger of alcohol poisoning, which can be fatal. And finally, there is always the risk of addiction. Parents, you have the greatest influence on your kids beliefs and the resulting behaviors. Warn them about the dangers of alcohol use, and set up clear boundaries.

Those of us who embraced the Christian faith during our childhood and teenage years have memories of how hard it was to live faithful lives in a midst of a culture that encouraged us to do otherwise. Much of our difficulty came from the presence of negative peer pressure. This kind of difficulty is present in the lives of our Christian kids today, but is even more pronounced due to the changes taking place in today’s culture. We would do well to share these words from the late justice Antonin Scalia. “God assumed from the beginning that the wise of the world would view Christians as fools and he has not been disappointed. Devout Christians are destined to be regarded as fools in modern society. We must pray for courage to endure the scorn of the sophisticated world. If I have brought any message today, it is this: Have the courage to have your wisdom regarded as stupidity. Be fools for Christ. And have courage to suffer the contempt of the sophisticated world.” Parents, share these words with your kids.

All this week we’ve been looking at Paul Tripp’s parenting book, Age of Opportunity, and the five signs that our teenagers have a heart for God. Today, we look at the fifth sign. Tripp says that teens who have a heart for God will endeavor to approach decision-making from a biblical perspective. A child who is pursuing God will have a heart for doing what is right. We can’t be content with raising teens whose decisions are impulsive, emotion-driven, and self-centered. We must hold a higher standard before them. We need to model and encourage what Paul Tripp calls a “Godward reference,” instilling in our teens a desire to do everything to the glory of God. The most important question in any situation is, “What does God want me to think, desire, say, and do?” And, we want them to embrace the Bible as their most important tool in making the critical and practical decisions of life. Parents, never stop praying that your children will develop a deep heart for God.