40iscoming

At this stage of your life, do you still dream? What are your dreams about? What are your dreams no longer about? Who are your dreams for?

40 is a great time to ask: What have your dreams cost you? What has cost you your dreams?

Athletes have an offseason, many actors and entertainers have an offseason. Politicians get an offseason. And there are all sorts of occupations and lifestyles that have cycles that at least include slow periods where people can take short breaks.

I wish more adults could experience an offseason, especially those of us about to enter mid-life. I believe that we all need time to sleep, time to rest, time to reflect, time to reset. We need time to dream.

We need an offseason.

Follow us on social media: @40iscoming_ on IG and @40iscoming everywhere else.

Intro Theme Music: Stressed by artbybigvee
Beats Provided By Pond5, Produced By Mansij_Tubescreamer
Beats Provided By https://freebeats.io, Produced By White Hot

One of the social media trends I've come to appreciate has been people making TikToks of themselves using the face aging filter. In the majority of the ones that appear in my feed, people genearlly respond lovingly, gently, and knowingly at the visuals of their future faces.

I think this trend, that made it socially acceptable to publicly share images of a version of yourself with more wrinkles, less hair, and no youthful glow, has been a much-needed counterbalance to the body slimming underclothes, weight loss supplements, plastic surgery procedures, hair dyeing kits, and the billion-dollar industries that feed on the insecurities and realities of many of us soon-to-be middle agers.

We all have multiple aspects of our lives that function as windows that others to see us at this stage in our lives, and as mirrors that allow us to see ourselves. So I wanted to invite us to think about the mirrors and windows of our lives, and how they impact how we think about turning 40.

Follow us on social media: @40iscoming_ on IG and @40iscoming everywhere else.

Intro Theme Music: Stressed by artbybigvee
Beats Provided By Pond5, Produced By Mansij_Tubescreamer
Beats Provided By https://freebeats.io, Produced By White Hot

Have you ever experienced the stages of shock, denial, anger, and grief after discovering that someone who you respected and admired was not who you thought they were?

At this stage of our lives, a year has not gone by without us witnessing some once-beloved and respected entertainer, politician, local community leader, or religious figure get caught up in a reputation-tainting scandal.

And as we continue to occupy more positions of influence and authority on-and-offline throughout our 40s, in our families, in our commmunities, and in our society, we have the opportunity - and responsibility - to impact how our culture handles those who slip, trip, stumble, or tumble from a position of status.

So we're going to need to be as honest with ourselves as we expect those who have let us down to be with us.

Did an experience of being let down by someone you looked up as child affect how you react today to hearing about a public figure's fall from grace?

Has an experience of being the person who has disappointed others as a result of life choices you made changed how you respond to news about a famous person's shortcomings and setbacks?

Follow us on social media: @40iscoming_ on IG and @40iscoming everywhere else.

Intro Theme Music: Stressed by artbybigvee
Beats Provided By Pond5, Produced By Mansij_Tubescreamer
Beats Provided By https://freebeats.io, Produced By White Hot

One of the gifts of turning 40 is the self-awareness to know when to keep your two cents to yourself and sit out a fight, whether over the internet or in your house.

But life comes at us fast, and it seems like every few weeks another Really Big Deal Event happen, and many of us answer the battle cry of our group and take to our phones, our TVs, and our streets to stand up and speak out.

One of my core unifying principles of everything is that much of human behavior, especially between groups of people, is that much of life functions like the cafeteria of a large public high school. Where you sit, who knows you exist, whose side you take when conflict arises...these same questions are as important the dining tables, boardroom tables, and political roundtables of our adult lives as they were to the lunchroom tables of our childhoods.

This episode is a check-in meditation for a generation of 40 year olds who have already lived through a lifetime worth of interpersonal conflicts, social movements, online fights, and existential crises. We have been seen a lot, said a lot, and done a lot. We've been in a lot of fights, about a lot of topics, with a lot of people.

How's going for you at this point in your life? How's it going for the 40-year olds around you? How have the technological and societal shifts in the speed and scope of the stands we've had to take and the fights we've had to engage impacted us?

How many of us are carrying unhealed mental scars from last month's tragedy into this month's tragedy?

How many of us are living in the rubble of crumbled relationships, in the aftermath of the arguments and battles from last year's outrage?

What have you learned from all the online and offline fights that you've seen and experienced?



Follow us on social media: @40iscoming_ on IG and @40iscoming everywhere else.

Intro Theme Music: Stressed by artbybigvee
Beats Provided By Pond5, Produced By Mansij_Tubescreamer
Beats Provided By https://freebeats.io, Produced By White Hot

Ignorance can be bliss, the time between when something went wrong and when you found out something went wrong. But what happens your bliss is rudely interrupted by reality and you discover that things are not going to be okay unless you get help.

At this point in my life, I realize that there are two kinds of 40-year olds: those who have experienced at least one humbling moment where they weren't as smart as they thought they were, or that things around them weren't as certain as they thought...and people who have never had such an experience.

One advantage of experiencing a humbling moment, is the knowledge of what it feels like - as an adult - to need help.

It's one thing to need help. It's another thing to want help. But to ask to for help? For many of us, asking for help is an entirely different matter.

Are you someone is comfortable asking for help? In what settings and circumstances do you find it harder to ask for assistance?

How good are you at accepting help? Do you ever feel obligated to return the favor as soon as possible? Do you try to "pay it forward?"

What level of gratitude do you expect when you are the one who provided help to a stranger who asked you for assistance?


Follow us on social media: @40iscoming_ on IG and @40iscoming everywhere else.

Intro Theme Music: Stressed by artbybigvee
Beats Provided By Pond5, Produced By Mansij_Tubescreamer
Beats Provided By https://freebeats.io, Produced By White Hot
Sound Effects By Pond5, Produced by SoundIdeasCom

By 40, many of us have experienced being on multiple sides of expectation-acceptance dance.
Many of us had childhoods that were defined by the expectations of others. We saw how their acceptance and approval of us was often determined - or withheld - by how much we met their expectations, or how much we resisted and went against them.

And this social reward/punishment system continued into multiple aspects our adult lives, whether we are known by a few hundred people, or by a few million.

Those of us who are fans of sports believe in the power of athletic competition, and the personalities and performances of athletes to tell a story of who we are, individually and collectively. So as U.S. 2023 World Championship Gold Medal sprinter Sha'Carri Richardson reclaimed the attention and applause of the world this month, I thought it would be a good time to reflect on what we've learned at this stage in our lives from the times we've been the one placed on a pedastal, knocked off the pedastal, and fighting for the chance to get back on top of the pedastal once again.

Follow us on social media: @40iscoming_ on IG and @40iscoming everywhere else.

Intro Theme Music: Stressed by artbybigvee
Beats Provided By Pond5, Produced By Mansij_Tubescreamer
Sound Effects By Pond5, Produced by SoundIdeasCom

When you're young, ignorance is bliss. By 40, more often than not, ignorance is just expensive. And what's even more expensive than ignorance? Procrastination.

Those things that we know we should not put off, delay, and ignore but we do anyway. Whether because of fear or fatigue, denial or distractions, being overwhelmed and/or underpaid, most of us have some area of our lives where we have been warned and informed that there's something we need to address and we have yet to do anything about it.

Sometimes, we have less time than we think, the future comes faster than we expected, and we're left stuck with the consequences of our choice to put off to tomorrow what should have been handled today.

Each day is a opportunity to create new possibilities for our future selves, to reignite relationships and realities that have become stagnant...to get unstuck.

Follow us on social media: @40iscoming_ on IG and @40iscoming everywhere else.

Intro Theme Music: Stressed by artbybigvee
Beats Provided By Pond5, Produced By Mansij_Tubescreamer
Sound Effects By Pond5, Produced by deeperWaters

When was the first time you knew you were adult? When you moved out on your own? When you took over paying the bills for older/younger loved ones? When you accepted responsibility and accountability for your actions?

One of the things we all come to realize is that there are levels to adulting. One key level of adult life is being able to identify and prioritize the essential components of our lives. The relationships, habits, beliefs, and possessions that allow us to survive and navigate our days.

What are the parts of your life that cannot break?

Follow us on social media: @40iscoming_ on IG and @40iscoming everywhere else.

Intro Theme Music: Stressed by artbybigvee
Beats Provided By https://freebeats.io
Produced By White Hot

Have you ever found yourself disconnected and detached at the kind of party you used to enjoy, with people you used to be comfortable with, in a space that you used to look forward to going to?

When was the first time you remember feeling isolated, alone, and/or invisible in a space full of friends,family, neighbors, or coworkers? When was the most recent time you felt like this?

How do you navigate the times when you are required - or feel responsible - to stay in environments and around people who don't resonate with you?

How do your social habits differ when you're planning an event for someone else vs. when you're deciding how to engage at an event you're just attending?

Follow us on social media: @40iscoming_ on IG and @40iscoming everywhere else.

Intro Theme Music: Stressed by artbybigvee
Beats Provided By https://freebeats.io, Produced By White Hot

Do you love to travel on your birthday? Are you the kind of person who needs to take some sort of trip - whether across town or across the globe - as part of your birthday festivities?

But sometimes life happens, and we have to adapt and adjust, and expand our definition of what a getaway can be.

Do you find that you still feel pressure to have plan big birthday trips, have Instagrammable birthday events, and make big birthday plans you can talk about when someone asks you what you're doing to celebrate?

Do you have space for the small, simple, short moments of joy?

Follow us on social media: @40iscoming_ on IG and @40iscoming everywhere else.

Intro Theme Music: Stressed by artbybigvee
Beats Provided By https://freebeats.io, Produced By White Hot

Does anyone else feel the strange pressure to look young on the day when the calendar is literally reminding you that you've never been older?!

At this stage in your life, are you finding that how you think and feel about your body on your birthday is more about how well your body is actually doing, or more about the expectations and opinions from friends, family, and/or society about what your body should look like at this age?

At a deeper level, how is the journey with your body going at 40? How has the way you use your body, talk about your body, treat your body, and think about your body changed over the years?

Follow us on social media: @40iscoming_ on IG and @40iscoming everywhere else.

Intro Theme Music: Stressed by artbybigvee
Beats Provided By https://freebeats.io, Produced By White Hot

How often have you looked at a situation, looked around at the people with/near you, and decided that you were going to have to be the one to make sure that things didn't go bad on your watch?

What are the muscles you've built from the times when you've had to go it alone and get it done by yourself? What are wounds and scars that came as a consequence of not having anyone by your side?

How have your life experiences affected when you're willing to step up and step into a situation? Are you finding yourself more cautious in offering support to be by someone's side? Who do you allow to step into your life and support you?

Follow us on social media: @40iscoming_ on IG and @40iscoming everywhere else.

Intro Theme Music: Stressed by artbybigvee
Beats Provided By https://freebeats.io, Produced By White Hot

When did you start weighing the tradeoffs between a good night's sleep and a good night out?

For many of us, turning 40 means that our preferences have shifted in when we find the time to have a good.

Everything from where we are willing to go, when we are willng to go, how long we are willing to stay, who we are willing to go with, and what we are willing to wear.

At this stage in your life, what are your requirements for going out? How do you balance the joy of spontaneous outings with the inconvience of unplanned events?

Follow us on social media: @40iscoming_ on IG and @40iscoming everywhere else.

Intro Theme Music: Stressed by artbybigvee
Beats Provided By https://freebeats.io, Produced By White Hot

Who do you go to for advice about money? How many of those people did you find online?

For those of us turning 40 at this moment, our adult lives have overlapped with the rise of real-time financial data, the rise of the personal finance media industry, and the rise of the financial expert/influencer.

And it feels like we've seen it all: from cable TV stock pickers and social media real estate gurus, to crypto evangelists and entreprenuer lifestyle influencers.

How do you decide who to listen to about finances, investing, and handling money? How have your life experiences affected where you look for information about finances and whose advice you are willing to listen to?

1987 Letter from U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission on Investment Advisers Act: https://tinyurl.com/34r7fz38

2013 Publication from U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission on Regulation of Investment Advisers: https://tinyurl.com/437hb9cb

Follow us on social media: @40iscoming_ on IG and @40iscoming everywhere else.

Intro Theme Music: Stressed by artbybigvee
Beats Provided By https://freebeats.io, Produced By White Hot

Few things are more sobering than realizing how easily your day, your month, or a whole season of your life can be altered by one random decision by one random stranger on a random day.

Anyone who has ever had their property attacked or their body assaulted knows, listing what was taken from you is different than thinking about what you lost.

When an incident like this happens, our common triage assessment of the aftermath involves asking:
"What happened?"
"Where are you?"
"Are you okay?"
"Who was hurt?"
"Did they take anything?"

There are so many ways to answer that last question, and to explore what those words mean to us at this point of our lives.

Follow us on social media: @40iscoming_ on IG and @40iscoming everywhere else.

Intro Theme Music: Stressed by artbybigvee
Beats Provided By https://freebeats.io
Produced By White Hot

You don't know what you've got 'til it's gone.

You may or may not spend a lot of time on social media. You may or may not care about Twitter, or its CEO. But we all have blue checks in our lives.

Most of societal structures and social norms that influence how we see ourselves, and how others see us, we had no role in creating.

Social media is one of the rare instances where we were present at its orgin, participated in its construction, and observed how certain things were created and became status and identity markers.

We have survived long enough online to see how this thing - which didn't used to exist or matter - arose to change how people interacted with each other in a specific space.

At 40, there is a certain clarity about the blue checks in life that we never got.

How do we think about the identity markers we never received, the status symbols we attained which have become irrelevant over time, and the privileged positions we didn't pay attention to when we were younger that have only become more important in adulthood?

Follow us on social media: @40iscoming_ on IG and @40iscoming everywhere else.

Intro Theme Music: Stressed by artbybigvee
Beats Provided By https://freebeats.io
Produced By White Hot

This episode is for givers. The people who have everything, for everyone else. Those who do everything, give everything, fix everything, find everything...for everyone else.

When do you allow yourself to take? When do you ask for what you need? Which area(s) of your life do you keep for yourself?

April 2023 Univ. of Pennsylvania Knowledge at Wharton Interview with Adam Grant: Givers vs. Takers: The Surprising Truth about Who Gets Ahead: https://tinyurl.com/mry3y879

Follow us on social media: @40iscoming_ on IG and @40iscoming everywhere else.

Intro Theme Music: Stressed by artbybigvee
Beats Provided By https://freebeats.io
Produced By White Hot

At this stage of your life, are you still finding a stream of potential new friends for you to meet? How have your friendshiips changed and evolved over the years? Has the way you make friends changed over the years? Are you still making friends?

Have your various identites - in your family, relationship, wealth, beliefs - impacted who you've kept as a friend, who considers you a friend, and who you will consider as a potential friend?

How do your friendships differ from the kinds of friendships that you see with younger or older people in your life?

The State of American Friendship: Change, Challenges, and Loss - Findings from the May 2021 American Perspectives Survey: https://tinyurl.com/32sepdus

Follow us on social media: @40iscoming_ on IG and @40iscoming everywhere else.

Intro Theme Music: Stressed by artbybigvee
Beats Provided By https://freebeats.io
Produced By White Hot

What irritates you at this stage of your life? Has your opinion on what is annoying, self-righteous behvaior changed over the years?

Are there things that you now do - and you know rub other people the wrong way - which you haved doubled down on, regardless of who is bothered by it?

Follow us on social media: @40iscoming_ on IG and @40iscoming everywhere else.

Intro Theme Music: Stressed by artbybigvee
Beats Provided By https://freebeats.io, Produced By White Hot

What have you experienced or witnessed that has changed the choices you make in certain areas of your life? Is there something that you can't unsee that has caused you to change the way you think and act?

The late legendary author Maya Angelou once reflected on her life by saying, "I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better."

Doing better is a choice, a commitment, and sometimes a struggle to actually follow through with. But sometimes we make the choice and the change, and do things differently. What are the events/moments that left such a mark on us that we had to do better afterwards?

Follow us on social media: @40iscoming_ on IG and @40iscoming everywhere else.

Intro Theme Music: Stressed by artbybigvee
Beats Provided By https://freebeats.io
Produced By White Hot