a jaded gay

The term "metrosexual" emerged in the mid-1990s, coined to describe a new wave of urban, fashion-forward men who embraced grooming, fashion, and a heightened sense of personal style, challenging traditional masculinity. However, critics argue the trend appropriates “the gay aesthetic,” reinforcing stereotypes and implying that an interest in fashion and grooming is inherently linked to one's sexual orientation.

In this episode, we’re exploring the origins of “metrosexuality,” and the complex intersection between fashion, grooming, and associated stereotypes, while examining how this trend has negatively influenced the perception and societal expectations surrounding gay men and masculinity.

Related Episodes:

• Listen to Bonus 06. Loveless in Paris
• Listen to Episode 81. Are Mustaches Gay?
• Listen to Episode 89. Beyond the Brawn: Redefining Queer Masculinity (with Erick DuPree)

Additional Resources:

• Metrosexual (Merriam-Webster)
• Metrosexual (Urban Dictionary)
• Metrosexuals (Encyclopedia.com)
• Mark Simpson (Wikipedia)
• Here Come the Mirror Men: Why the Future is Metrosexual
• ‘Metrosexuals’ Were Just Straight Men Who Loved Self-Care. Right?
• Meet the Metrosexual
• What Makes Someone a Metrosexual?
• 10 Benefits of Being in a Relationship With a Metrosexual Man
• Metrosexuals Come Out
• Metrosexuality: Effeminacy, Aesthetics and Toxic Masculinity
• What Does the LGBTQIA+ Community Think of the Term "Metrosexual"?
• Tommy Pengelly

Get Your Merch

For years, society’s sense of body image has been negatively affected by standards that often perpetuate unrealistic ideals and contribute to the prevalence of negative body image perceptions. Some gay men grapple with an additional layer of body image issues, navigating societal expectations and stereotypes that can lead to feelings of inadequacy and self-consciousness about their physical appearance.

In this episode, Matthew Simko, a style & lifestyle expert, joins us to dish on the importance of positivity within gay culture, plus-sized fashion tips, and how we can all learn to love our bodies at any size.

Related Episodes:

• Listen to Episode 32. Gay Men and Body Image Obsession
• Listen to Episode 82. Gay Gym Culture

Additional Resources:

• Visit Matthew's Website
• Follow Matthew on Instagram

Get Your Merch

Societal perceptions of masculinity are often rooted in traditional and restrictive norms, which can pressure gay men to conform to stereotypical ideals, leading to internalized homophobia, feelings of inadequacy, and a diminished sense of self-worth. Even within the queer community, ideals of masculinity and femininity can be at odds, creating a complex dynamic for gay men who are navigating their identity.

In this episode, Erick DuPree, a literary anthropologist specializing in the intersection of literature and culture, joins us to explore societal concepts of masculinity, how it impacts gay men's sense of self, the importance of mindfulness in navigating our identity, and their anthology, Men & The Goddess, which explores male relationships with the divine feminine.

Related Episodes:

• Listen to Episode 04. Pop Icons and Their Gay Emotional Appeal
• Listen to Episode 11. Overcoming Internalized Homophobia
• Listen to Episode 82. Gay Gym Culture

Additional Resources:

• Learn More About Erick DuPree
• Follow Erick DuPree on Instagram
• Read Men And The Goddess: An Anthology Revisited
• Read Awaken To Mindfulness: Cultivating Daily Practice & Wellbeing

Get Your Merch

Daddy issues is a colloquial term often used to stigmatize psychological or emotional challenges that may arise in an individual's life due to a perceived absence, neglect, or strained relationship with their father. Some gay men may experience their fathers subtly distancing themselves as a form of rejection of their sexuality, which has the potential to negatively influence the way they learn to navigate and sustain lasting relationships between men.

In this episode, we’re discussing the nuances of daddy issues, exploring their definition and manifestations, the distinct effects on gay men, featuring insightful perspectives from The Velvet Rage by Dr. Alan Downes, and exploring pathways to healing and navigating the complex terrain of daddy issues in the LGBTQ+ community.

Related Episodes:

• Listen to Episode 13. Perfectly Imperfect: Conquer Your Perfectionism
• Listen to Episode 15. Understanding Attachment Styles
• Listen to Episode 47. Say Goodbye to Abandonment Issues
• Listen to Episode 70. Good Grief: How to Cope with Loss
• Listen to Episode 71. Queer Grief
• Listen to Episode 74. Unmask Your Trust Issues

Additional Resources:

• Daddy Issues Definition (Dictionary.com)
• ‘Daddy Issues’ and Their Impact on Adult Relationships
• What Are “Daddy Issues”?
• “Do I Have Daddy Issues?” Ask a Therapist
• Read The Velvet Rage by Dr. Alan Downs
• Why is it so Difficult for Some Gay Men to Find a Partner?
• What Are 'Daddy Issues'?
• Yes, ‘Daddy Issues’ Are a Real Thing — Here’s How to Deal
• Daddy Issues: The Age-Old Stigma Around Intergenerational Relationships

Get Your Merch

Within the many letters of the LGBTQ+ spectrum, non-binary individuals embrace identities outside the traditional binary of male or female, challenging societal norms and fostering a more diverse understanding of gender. Often overlooked, non-binary visibility is crucial in dismantling stereotypes and building a more inclusive world where individuals of all gender identities can authentically express themselves while being recognized for their unique contributions.

In this episode, Travis McMaster, public speaker and host of Caffeinated N’ Queer, joins us to share their gender identity awakening, the importance of non-binary visibility, and resources for those who are exploring their gender.

Related Episodes:

• Listen to Episode 08. Finding Your Community
• Listen to Episode 59. Say Bye Bye Bye to Bi Erasure (with Sam McClain)

Additional Resources:

• Follow Travis McMaster on Instagram
• Follow Travis McMaster on Twitter
• Watch Caffeinated N’ Queer on Instagram
• Watch Caffeinated N’ Queer on TikTok
• Watch Caffeinated N’ Queer on Threads
• Watch Caffeinated N’ Queer on Facebook
• Learn More About Alder Health Services
• Follow Alder Health Services on Instagram
• Follow Alder Health Services on Facebook

Get Your Merch

• Listen to Episode 10. Out in the Workplace
• Listen to Episode 85. Boundaries: How to Understand and Set Them

• Code-Switching Definition (Merriam-Webster)
• Code-Switching (Britannica)
• Sociolinguistics (Britannica)
• BetterUp
• What is Code Switching and How Does It Impact Teams?
• Code-Switching: What Does It Mean and Why Do People Do It?
• Code Switching: Exploring the Types & Impact
• Redditors Sound Off On ‘Gay Voice’ and Whether They Code-Switch
• The Exhausting Work of LGBTQ Code-Switching

Boundaries are essential guidelines, defining the limits of acceptable behavior and establishing a framework of respect and mutual understanding. But due to societal pressures, stereotypes, and the historical stigmatization of non-heteronormative relationships, some gay men may exhibit people-pleasing tendencies, which makes it challenging to implement boundaries and contributes to feelings of isolation and a reluctance to assert personal limits.

In this episode, we’re navigating the complex world of boundaries, addressing the unique challenges gay men may face in setting and maintaining them, and offering insights on identifying and establishing personal boundaries for more authentic and fulfilling interpersonal relationships.

Additional Resources:

• Why Personal Boundaries Are Important and How to Set Them
• A Quick Guide for Gay Men Who Want to Set Better Boundaries
• Got Boundaries? Here's the Top 4 Boundary Struggles Only LGBTQ+ Folks Will Understand
• How to Figure Out Your Boundaries

Get Your Merch

Happy Holidays, my LGBTQuties! As the end of the year approached, it’s important to take a retrospective look to appreciate the challenges overcome, goals achieved, and lessons learned. In doing so, we can use the knowledge gained to build a stronger foundation for the year ahead.

In this episode, we're revisiting some of our featured guest episodes, exploring topics such as sobriety, conversion therapy, media representation, and more!

Additional Resources:

• 59. Say Bye Bye Bye to Bi Erasure (with Sam McClain)
• 62. Let Go of Your Religious Trauma (with Eric Feltes)
• 64. 40 Single Gay (with Jonathan Lee)
• 66. Shoot Your Shot on Archer (with Michael Kaye)
• 72. Recovering from Recovery (with Adam Fitzgerald)
• 75. Sunday Dinners, Moonshine and Men (with Tate Barkley)
• 76. Finally Free (with Seth Showalter)
• 80. Queer Haunts: Happy Halloween (with Ralph Anthony)

Get Your Merch

As the end of the year approached, it’s important to take a retrospective look to appreciate the challenges overcome, goals achieved, and lessons learned. In doing so, we can use the knowledge gained to build a stronger foundation for the year ahead.

In this episode, we're revisiting some of our featured guest episodes, exploring topics such as allyship, relationships, finding our community, and more!

Additional Resources:

• 16. Being an Ally (with Cheyenne Filipczyk)
• 39. We Are Family: Part 1 (with Michelle Loveless)
• 40. We Are Family: Part 2 (with Amy Loveless)
• 43. Surviving a Breakup (with Sara Sabatino)
• 45. Feeling Lonely in a Relationship? (with Jordan Nofziger)
• 50. Self-Love Tough Love (with Tillie Lee)
• 52. Gayming: Level Up Your Sense of Community (with Jonathan Steele)
• 54. Love in the Third Degree (with Eric Praniewicz)

Get Your Merch

Gay men tend to grapple with complex feelings about body image, influenced by societal ideals that often emphasize a lean and muscular physique. As a result, gay gym culture is often marked by a complex interplay of such body standards, which can both motivate and challenge individuals within the community to base their self-perception on chasing an idealized appearance.

In this episode, we're exploring the intersection of gay culture and gym culture, along with how societal conceptions of masculinity on gay men's self-image and relationships can lead to feelings of insecurity, inadequacy, and the pursuit of often unrealistic physical ideals.

Additional Resources:

• 32. Gay Men and Body Obsession
• Fitness Culture
• The History of How the Modern Day Gym Came to Be
• Wrestling and Weightlifting: The WWF and Fitness in the 1980s
• The Evolution of San Francisco’s Gay Gym Culture
• YMCA
• Working, Out
• 19. The Queer History of Disco
• 24. Gay Villages: Won't You Be My Gaybor?
• Reported Effects of Masculine Ideals on Gay Men
• Eating Disorder Statistics
• Gay Men and Body Image: What You Need to Know
• It’s Complicated: Exploring Why Gay Men Have Such a Unique Relationship with the Gym
• The Sweaty Homophobia of the Gym

Get Your Merch

The mustache has traversed centuries, evolving from a symbol of prestige in ancient civilizations to a statement of rebellion in modern counterculture movements. In the 1960s and 1970s, it became an iconic symbol within the gay community, representing a form of self-expression, solidarity, and defiance against societal norms surrounding masculinity and sexuality.

In this episode, we’re taking a look at the multifaceted history of the mustache, exploring its evolution as a symbol of masculinity, its significant sociosexual ties to the gay community in the 1960s and 1970s, and how it has created important conversations about men's health today.

Additional Resources:

• Mustache vs. Moustache: Which is Correct?
• Mustache Definition
• Mustachio Definition
• The Statues of Rahotep and Nofret
• The Moustache: A Hairy History
• Why Peter the Great Established a Beard Tax
• About Movember
• The Mustache is Thriving. But What Does It Mean?
• A Sexual, Social and Political History of the Mustache
• Cruisin’ With the Mustache Crew: Meet the Facial-Hair Style Taking Over Every Gay Bar in the City
• One Hairy Lip, a Mix of Messages
• Castro Clone
• Gay/Bi Men and Mustaches, a History in Photos
• The Rules of Movember
• Movember Donations
• Get Involved with Movember

Get Your Merch

Happy Halloween, my LGBTQuties! Previously, we discussed how queer themes have been depicted in horror for more than 250 years and that the genre has always been queer.

In this episode, Ralph Anthony, host of the Scream Queer Podcast, joins us to dish on all things horror, determine which monsters are queer, and share a very spooky true-life horror story submitted by one of his listeners.

Additional Resources:

• Listen to Scream Queer Podcast
• Follow Ralph Anthony on Instagram
• Follow Scream Queer Podcast on Instagram
• 28. Gay Horror

Get Your Merch

Many gay men find solace and empowerment in spiritual practices like tarot, crystals, astrology, and witchcraft, as they offer a means of self-discovery and affirmation. Unlike modern organized religion, these ancient traditions provide a safe space for personal exploration, allowing individuals to connect with their inner selves and find strength in their unique identities.

In this episode, we’re exploring the trend of embracing more spiritual beliefs and the parallels between queerness and various practices, including astrology, tarot, and witchcraft.

Additional Resources:

• 48. Plant Gays and Mindfulness Lessons
• LGBT Identification in U.S. Ticks Up to 7.1%
• Must Reads: How Millennials Replaced Religion with Astrology and Crystals
• Chani Nicholas Explains Why Queer People Love Astrology
• 24. Gay Villages: Won't You Be My Gaybor?
• So, Why Are Queer People So Interested in Astrology?
• 19. The Queer History of Disco
• The Rise of Queer Astrology
• Queer Tarot: A Brief Story of Meaning and Healing
• Why Do Gay Men Love Witches?
• Exploring the Links Between Queer Culture and Witchcraft

Get Your Merch

Ghosting has become an increasingly prevalent phenomenon in today's dating culture, reflecting a shift towards digital communication and a reluctance to confront uncomfortable conversations. For gay men, this can be attributed to the influence of hookup apps, a larger pool of potential partners, and societal pressures, leading to a higher likelihood of casual and transient interactions.

In today’s episode, we’re discussing what ghosting is, how we can avoid being ghosted, and empowering self-care strategies for those who've experienced this common but often painful experience.

Additional Resources:

• Ghosting (Definition)
• Ghosting (Psychology Today)
• Ghosting (Grammarist)
• Psychological Correlates of Ghosting and Breadcrumbing Experiences: A Preliminary Study among Adults
• 8 Reasons You’ve Been Ghosted
• 15. Understanding Attachment Styles
• What Is Ghosting—and Why Is It So Rude?
• Survey Reveals ‘Ghosting’ Impacts 76% Of People Who Are Dating—Plus The States With The Biggest Offenders
• The Mental Health Effects of Ghosting
• LGBTQ Ghosting: Why We Do It and How to Deal With It

Get Your Merch

Coming out is a deeply personal and pivotal moment for LGBTQ+ individuals, encompassing the courageous act of sharing their authentic identity with others, fostering self-acceptance, and seeking understanding and validation.

In this episode, we’re taking a look at the origins of the concept of “coming out” and National Coming Out Day, the importance of being our authentic selves, and how we can feel empowered in our decision to live openly.

Additional Resources:

• Listen to My Coming Out Story
• Coming Out Definition
• The History Behind Why We Say a Person 'Came Out of the Closet'
• Gay New York: Gender, Urban Culture, and the Making of the Gay Male World
• The Gay Metropolis: The Landmark History of Gay Life in America
• A Brief History of Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender Social Movements
• Where Did the Phrase 'Come Out of the Closet' Come From?
• Sexual Orientation and Gender Diversity
• 51. ACT UP: Silence = Death
• Understanding Sexual Orientation and Homosexuality
• The Process of Coming Out
• Stages in the Coming Out Process
• Coming Out and Mental Health
• Coming Out is Good for Our Mental Health
• 20 Things to Know Before You Come Out and How to Go About It
• How Do I Come Out?
• Why Do We Need National Coming Out Day?
• This is Why Coming Out is Important (Even After You've Come Out)
• Coming Out as LGBTQ+ in Adulthood
• The Coming Out Handbook

Get Your Merch

Conversion therapy is a discredited and harmful practice that attempts to change a person's sexual orientation or gender identity, often using psychological or religious methods, which can lead to severe emotional distress, trauma, and a negative impact on mental health and well-being.

In this episode, Seth Showalter, a licensed clinical social worker, joins us to talk about his new book, Finally Free, which details his experiences undergoing conversion therapy and how he’s taken steps to deconstruct the harmful rhetoric he was exposed to as he works to accept his authentic self.

Additional Resources:

• Buy Finally Free (available October 17)
• Learn More About Seth
• Check Out Mental Health Uncovered
• Follow Seth on Instagram
• Follow Seth on TikTok

Get Your Merch

Previously, we discussed the complicated relationship gay men have with alcohol, which is shaped by diverse factors such as social acceptance, coping with discrimination, and navigating the intersection of LGBTQ+ identity and substance use.

In this episode, writer and lawyer Tate Barkley joins us to talk about his new book, Sunday Dinners, Moonshine and Men, detailing a Southern boy’s story of coming to terms with his sexuality while surviving in a good ole boys’ world.

Additional Resources:

• 56. LGBTQ+ Alcoholism
• Shop Sunday Dinners, Moonshine and Men (Amazon)
• Shop Sunday Dinners, Moonshine and Men (Bookshop.org)
• Learn More About Tate

Get Your Merch

Previously, we talked about how many gay men have grappled with the fear of rejection, which can result in struggling with intimacy, attachment, and emotional availability. This can often be interconnected with trust issues, as past experiences of feeling abandoned or rejected can lead to difficulties in fully trusting others in future relationships.

In this episode, we’re taking a look at what trust issues are, their profound impact on gay men, and how we can foster authentic connections and rebuild trust in both ourselves and others.

Additional Resources:

• 47. Say Goodbye to Abandonment Issues
• Trust Issues Definition (Urban Dictionary)
• Signs of Trust Issues
• Trust Issues: Why Is It So Hard for Some People to Trust?
• 15. Understanding Attachment Styles
• Trust Issues
• How to Cope When Trusting Is a Challenge
• The State of Personal Trust
• Understanding the Trust-Control Nexus
• 13 Signs of Trust Issues & How to Get Over Them
• 42. Are You Emotionally Unavailable‪?‬
• Why You May Have Trust Issues and How to Overcome Them
• How to Fix Trust Issues in a Relationship
• How to Deal With Trust Issues
• Why is it so Difficult for Some Gay Men to Find a Partner?

Get Your Merch

The stereotype of brunch being gay has emerged as a playful nod to the LGBTQ+ community's affinity for this leisurely meal. But, upon deeper examination, the history of brunch has always been a bit controversial, breaking away from conventional standards.

In this episode, we're discussing the history of brunch and why it’s become a cherished tradition within queer culture, serving as a safe space for self-expression, connection, and a delicious way to challenge societal norms.

Additional Resources:

• Brunch (Merriam-Webster)
• Brunch (Urban Dictionary)
• The History of Brunch
• Why Gay Men Love to Brunch
• Is Brunch "Gay"? Twitter Debates
• Brunch Has Always Been Queer
• The Extraordinary Rise of Drag Brunch: A Dining Delight or a Betrayal of Queer History?
• 63. The Stonewall Riots
• 49. Let's Shatter the LGBTQ+ Wage Gap
• A Brief (and Depressing) History of LGBT Workers’ Rights
• UPDATED Report: Drag Events Faced More than 160 Protests and Significant Threats Since Early 2022
• Anti-Drag Legislation Is Sweeping the Nation: Here's Where Each State Stands on Drag Bans
• Petition: Don't Mess with Drag
• Why Gay Brunch Matters

Get Your Merch

Previously, we discussed the complicated relationship gay men have with alcohol, which is shaped by diverse factors such as social acceptance, coping with discrimination, and navigating the intersection of LGBTQ+ identity and substance use.

In this episode, writer, director, and filmmaker Adam Fitzgerald joins us to talk about his new book, Recovering from Recovery, which explores his journey away from rhetoric and advice he experienced in Alcoholics Anonymous, which seemed to judge and stigmatize his sexuality.

Additional Resources:

• 56. LGBTQ+ Alcoholism
• Buy Recovering from Recovery
• Adam Fitzgerald (Instagram)
• Adam Fitzgerald (TikTok)
• Adam Fitzgerald (Twitter)

Get Your Merch