betrayaltrauma

Episode at a Glance

I am so grateful for today's guest on Melody and Friends, Lyschel Burket, because she is a woman who has walked both the personal journey of finding life beyond betrayal and creating communities to help other women do the same. Lyschel shares her story of betrayal as her husband had an "on again, off again" struggle with pornography, before finding treatment that walked him and her through rebuilding their marriage. 

From there, she felt called by the Lord to begin ministering to other women who had experienced betrayal through pornography addiction or infidelity, and Hope Redefined was born from that calling. Lyschel shares the important steps to recovery for women experiencing betrayal, the best resources they can access to help them along that journey, and why finding a community of women who have also walked the same path as them is a vital step to redefining hope for their life.

Who is Lyschel Burket?

Lyschel Burket, PCC, FRLC, APSATS-c, ADOH, has been working with women since 2008 as they take steps toward healing and their pursuit of God. She has facilitated support groups specific to partners of sex addicts since 2013 both locally in Knoxville, TN and online through Vicki Tiede Ministries.

Lyschel is the Lead Hope Caster and Founder of Hope Redefined. She desires to be a part of something so much bigger than herself as she continues to expand the reach of support for women who are facing similar things to her own recovery story. She and her husband, Garren, have five kiddos. Lyschel and Garren have been on the road of recovery since 2006.

Resources:

Our listeners can learn more about Lyschel's community, coaching opportunities and resources for women walking through betrayal on her website using the link here: www.hoperedefined.org

You can also get in touch with Hope Redefined's Team through their Facebook: www.facebook.com/hoperedefinedsupport

Thank you so much for listening to this episode of Melody and Friends! If you haven't already please take the time to leave us a rating and review on our iTunes page as it helps us get more great episodes like this to you!

In today’s episode, David talks about leaving a relationship (abusive or not) when you may be dependent on your spouse financially, may be worried about custody, and so much more. If you’re feeling stuck and trying to figure out how you can get out of an abusive relationship, this is for you. 

David is a Christian psychologist, author, speaker, podcaster, and Youtuber. He has written 16 books, including Enough is Enough: A Step by Step Plan to Leave an Abusive Relationship, My Spouse Wants Out, and I Didn’t Want a Divorce, Now What? His focus is helping individual spouses in marital crisis. You name the marital crisis and he has a book for it. He has a M.A. in Biblical Studies from Dallan Theological Seminary and a Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology from Western Conservative Baptist Seminary. He’s been in private practice for 35 years. He has been married to the Blonde, Sandy, since 1982. They have 4 children and 4 grandkids (soon to be 5!) 

In This Episode: 

• Co-dependency 
• The kiss of death 
• Being dependent on your spouse for finances 

Links 

David’s Website 

David’s Facebook, Instagram, and YouTube 

SubscribeToDebi.com 

PBT Institute Membership 

Trust Again 2.0 

PBT Podcasts 

Healed or Hardened Quiz 

Post Betrayal Syndrome Quiz 

In today’s episode, Olivia speaks out about the betrayals she and so many others have experienced and continue to face every single day.  

Olivia Cook is a certified Transformational Success Coach & NLP Practitioner, podcast host and motivational speaker. She helps service-based female entrepreneurs and content creators build habits to reach their next level of success. Focusing on productivity, mindset and using their menstrual cycles to their benefits. Her clients are able to increase their income, reduce stress levels and enjoy their success journey. 

Her podcast, The Empowered Woman Badass & Unfiltered was made to inspire, empower and educate. It showcases badass women from all over the world. Providing tips on personal development, mindset and healing. 

She is the co-founder of the Christ-driven brand, Relentless Glory. A brand whose purpose is to spread the word of God through motivation, education and praise. 

Olivia is also a Christian, military wife and humanitarian. She actively gives back to her community. 

In This Episode 

• Paper bag test 
• Not allowed to feel your feelings
• Molestation shame on the victim 

Links 

Olivia’s Website 

Olivia’s Facebook, Instagram, TikTok & LinkedIn  

Schedule a Strategy Session with Olivia! 

SubscribeToDebi.com 

PBT Institute Membership 

Trust Again 2.0 

PBT Podcasts 

Healed or Hardened Quiz 

Post Betrayal Syndrome Quiz 

In today’s episode, Kute Blackson talks all about surrendering to help you heal from betrayal. He explains the grieving process, how to properly grieve without letting it take over your life, and why it is needed to truly heal from life altering events. 

Kute Blackson is a beloved inspirational speaker and transformational teacher. He speaks at countless events he organizes around the world as well as at outside events including A-Fest, YPO (Young Presidents’ Organization), and EO (Entrepreneurs’ Organization). He is a member of the Transformational Leadership Council, a select group of one hundred of the world’s foremost authorities in the personal development industry. Winner of the 2019 Unity New Thought Walden Award, Blackson is widely considered a next generation leader in the field of personal development. His mission is simple: To awaken and inspire people across the planet to access inner freedom, live authentically and fulfill their true life’s purpose. 

In This Episode 

• The difference between surrendering and accepting 
• Grieving is a portal for healing 
• Feelings have natural cycles 

Links 

Kute’s Website 

Kute’s Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and LinkedIn 

Kute’s YouTube 

SubscribeToDebi.com 

PBT Institute Membership 

Trust Again 2.0 

PBT Podcasts 

Healed or Hardened Quiz 

Post Betrayal Syndrome Quiz 

In today’s episode, Eddie Capparucci talks about what being sexually sober entails, how your inner child may be creating problematic sexual behavior, and tips for being sexually sober. 

Dr. Eddie Capparucci is a Christian counselor and coach certified in treating Problematic Sexual Behaviors. Eddie has worked with professional athletes and television personalities among his many clients.

He is the creator of the Inner Child Model for treating Problematic Sexual Behaviors, a unique approach that focuses on identifying unresolved childhood pain points and teaching individuals how to process emotional distress in healthy ways. His treatment method has been endorsed by many leaders in this field.  

He is the author of several books, including Going Deeper: How the Inner Child Impacts Your Sexual Addiction, Why Men Struggle to Love: Overcoming Relational Blind Spots, and Removing Your Shame Label: Breaking From Shame and Feeling God’s Love. He is the administrator of two blog sites: MenAgainstPorn.com and SexuallyPureMen.com, and he is the host of the monthly webinar Getting to the Other Side. 

In This Episode 

• Most men have an inability to emotionally connect 
• Seeking emotional intimacy through physical interaction 
• The hide and lie syndrome 

Links 

Eddie’s Website 

Eddie’s Twitter, Facebook, LinkedIn, Instagram, & Pinterest 

SubscribeToDebi.com 

PBT Institute Membership 

Trust Again 2.0 

PBT Podcasts 

Healed or Hardened Quiz 

Post Betrayal Syndrome Quiz 

In today’s episode, Roseann Capanna-Hodge talks about mental health in children, what to look for to identify mental health problems in your child, the betrayals she’s faced as a special needs parent, and so much more. Tune in here: https://thepbtinstitute.com/podcast/ 

Dr. Roseann is a mental health trailblazer, founder of The Global Institute of Children’s Mental Health and Dr. Roseann, LLC who is, “Changing the way we view and treat children’s mental health”. FORBES magazine called her, “A thought leader in children’s mental health”. Her work has helped thousands reverse the most challenging conditions, such as ADHD, anxiety, mood, autism, learning disability, Lyme, and PANS/PANDAS using proven holistic therapies such as neurofeedback, biofeedback, and psychotherapy. She is the author of the first ever book on teletherapy activities for child and adolescent therapists, “Teletherapy Toolkit™” and It’s Gonna be OK!™ book. 

She works with kids and families with remote neurofeedback and her Get Unstuck Program™ and Raising Successful Kids Community, which are resources for parents to improve their child’s symptoms and develop grit and resilience. She is often featured in dozens of media outlets: Fox, CBS, NBC, PARENTS, and New York Times. 

 In This Episode 

• Why are mental health problems more common now? 
• How to know when your child is dealing with a mental health problem? 
• Do not use grades as a benchmark to mental health 
• Navigating friendships as a special needs parent 

Links 

Roseann’s Website 

Roseann’s Instagram, Twitter, LinkedIn, & Facebook 

Roseann’s YouTube 

It’s Gonna be OK!™ 

FREE Coping Statements 

SubscribeToDebi.com 

PBT Podcasts 

Healed or Hardened Quiz 

Post Betrayal Syndrome Quiz 

PBT Institute Membership Community 

Trust Again Book 

From Hardened to Healed Book 

On this week’s episode of Melody and Friends, Melody sits down with author and speaker Nate Larkin to discuss his decades long battle with pornography and sex addiction. Nate shares his story of why he spent hundreds of thousands of dollars on emotionless sex, what led him to recovery and how his marriage went from desolation to rebirth after his wife discovered his addicition. He shares practical ways to begin having conversations that build trust. He also discusses how pornography and sex addiction stifle our ability to be intimate and why intimacy is vital. Nate created the Samson Society, a community dedicated to creating brotherhood between recovering addicts, and he shares how today there are over 10,000 men connected experiencing real intimacy and finding freedom.

Our listeners can learn more about Nate Larkin, his book and The Samson Society by visiting the links below: https://samsonsociety.com/ , and https://www.amazon.com/Samson-Pirate-Monks-Authentic-Brotherhood/dp/0849914590#:~:text=Samson%20and%20the%20Pirate%20Monks,9780849914591%3A%20Amazon.com%3A%20Books 

Who is Nate Larkin?

Nate Larkin knows the pressure to live up to a public persona. He knows what it's like to have a secret that can destroy a career. He knows what it's like to quit. And He knows what it's like to find healing, deep friendships, and hope. Nate has a story that unfortunately too many people can relate with, addiction to pornography and sex. 

So in 2004, several of these friends formed a mutual aid society for Christian men called the Samson Society. Within the safety of the Samson Society, honest friendships have taken root and men are finding new power in their faith. Nate, who drafted the Society’s charter and designed its first meeting format, has written a book about his experiences entitled Samson and the Pirate Monks: Calling Men to Authentic Brotherhood, which was published by Thomas Nelson in February 2007. (He is also the author, with Darrell Waltrip, of Sundays Will Never Be the Same).

As of 2012, more than 250 local Samson Society groups are functioning in the United States, and others have started in other countries. A social networking website has been established to connect men who do not have access to a local meeting. Nate loves talking to men about their need for community and how they can overcome struggles together.

Things We Talk About in this Episode

• Why men often don’t want to look to external sources to find help for sex addiction and porn addiction.
• Why intimacy in a relationship is about so much more than sex and why it can be hard for men to realize that
• How contempt for a man’s own action in addiction can create contempt in the relationship and how to break them out of that mindset.
• Why having a community of sex addicts is important to recovery and how to overcome the voice in a man’s head saying they can recover on their own.

On this week's episode of Melody and Friends, Melody chats with Dr. Sheri Keffer about the impact of betrayal trauma and the path forward to recovery. She explains how the trauma of betrayal affects our minds, bodies, spirits, and sexuality. Dr. Keffer also provides women new tools they can utilize when dealing with emotional triggers and how they can confront their spouse or partner when discovering they have an addiction to sex. Finally, she shows women how they can begin practicing self-care, develop healthy boundaries, protect themselves from abuse or manipulation, and discover freedom from the burden of shame and guilt.

Our listeners can learn more about Dr. Sheri Keffer by going to her website: https://drsherikeffer.com/.

Who is Dr. Sheri Keffer?

Dr. Sheri Keffer received her PhD in Marriage and Family Therapy and her Master of Arts Theology, both from Fuller Theological Seminary. She currently specializes in individual, couples and family therapy at her private practice in Newport Beach, California.

Things We Discuss in this Episode

What denial looks like in a relationship with someone who is addicted to sex and how to break that denial to address the problem.

How sexual betrayal has the same stress impact on spouses as soldiers with PTSD.

How to confront your spouse in their addiction, set healthy boundaries while they get help and how to know when to walk away.

What methods women can use to help remove the shame and guilt they experience when walking through betrayal.

Why finding a community of women who have similar experiences is vital to recovering and restoring yourself after betrayal.

On this week’s episode of Melody and Friends, Melody speaks with Dr. Barbara Steffens about breaking the stigma and shame that partners often experience when going through betrayal trauma with their spouse’s sexual addiction. Both addicts and their partners may suffer in isolation, ashamed and afraid, not knowing where to turn for help. Dr. Steffens talks about what trauma truly looks like in a relationship, what steps women can take, and how communities provide understanding for sexual addicts and their partners. 

Barbara Steffens' groundbreaking research was the first to show that partners are not co-addicts but post-traumatic stress victims. Our listeners can learn more about Dr. Steffens’ book, coaching and more by visiting www.drbarbarasteffens.com. Another resource she highly recommends is www.apsats.org.

Who is Dr. Barbara Steffens?

Barbara Steffens, PhD, LPCC, CCPS, CPC specializes in helping women recover from sexual betrayal and is a sought-after speaker and presenter on special issues related to partners of sexual addicts. She was the founding President of the Association for Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists, an organization that provides training and certification of Clinical Partner Specialists and Partner Trauma Coaches. 

She has counseled and coached betrayed spouses/partners for over twenty years and her research on trauma after betrayal has changed the field. Barbara also consults with other professionals and provides training for those who want to help partners heal.

Things We Talk About in this Episode

• The dangers of the codependency model and calling women co-addicts when they discover their husband has an addiction to sex or pornography.
• What trauma looks like for spouses that are in a relationship with someone who is a sex addict
• How to determine if an addict is in a good place after recovering from the original trauma of betrayal and why it can often take a while to figure that out.
• What to do if your spouse doesn’t begin to exhibit those signs of reform or doesn’t respect your requests for boundaries and safety.
• How Dr. Steffens wrote Your Sexually Addicted Spouse: How Partners Can Cope and Heal and how she began rewriting the way people recognize betrayal trauma.
• Where do women go next after experiencing betrayal trauma and how can counselors be better informed to treat sex addicts and the trauma their spouses experience.

With your co-hostesses:

• Pam Blizzard from recoveredpeace.com
• Lyschel Burket from hoperedefined.org
• Bonny Burns from strongwives.com

We will be discussing:

• Who we are
• Why we have a heart for betrayed wives
• Our mission
• Who will benefit from listening to our podcast
• How we are intentionally formatting the podcast for our listeners

Learn more about us at our website, Hope For Wives.

Dr. Debi Silber is the founder of the Post Betrayal Transformation Institute and is a holistic psychologist, a health, mindset and personal development expert, the author of Trust Again: Overcoming Betrayal and Regaining Health, Confidence and Happiness. Today on the show, we talk about Post Betrayal Syndrome, the impact betrayal trauma has on the body and the psyche, and how people can heal from intimate partner betrayal through a process called Post Betrayal Transformation.

How can someone begin to recover from the devastating moment when they learn about a partner's porn use or sexual infidelity?

To share more we invited Anne Blythe, Founder of Betrayal Trauma Recovery - which seeks to validate a woman's experience of betrayal trauma by re-framing it with words to accurately describe their experience, as well as the necessary support to move through it, from those who have also walked the journey.

She breaks down some indicators that a spouse may be truly interested in recovery, versus manipulative efforts to continue their addiction and psychological abuse of their partner.

If you'd like to receive support or learn more about BTR visit their website for more resources like their printable 9 Steps to Heal from Betrayal Trauma, their list of recommended books, or check out their free educational podcast.

How to deal with betrayal in marriage can seem to be an impossible event. The betrayal can be one of the most traumatic things a person has to experience. It's called betrayal trauma and it's a real thing. Drug Addiction,  Adultery Pornography, Alcoholism, these are a handful and some of the most common ways a husband or wife can feel betrayed and deeply traumatized by that betrayal in marriage.

How do you deal with it once it comes? How do you set boundaries to protect yourself when you are working on rebuilding trust? Is it possible to even rebuild that trust? In this interview, the brave team interviews Ashlynn Mithcell, host of the podcast, The Betrayed, The Addicted, and The Expert to learn the answers to these very questions and more. Ashlynn and one of the brave hosts have experienced trauma and betrayal in their marriages and also share their experiences through the journey. She shows how we can heal and forgive while still having boundaries and being free from the past!

In this video, we dive into the complexities, the hard and poignant truths, and the courage it takes to deal with betrayal in marriage when it's been traumatic and even heal from it.