clinging and aversion

As we approach the end of season 3, Margaret finds herself reflecting on the lessons and challenges that come with planning a podcast. She realizes that there is an element of clinging involved in wanting to continue creating the podcast. However, she also acknowledges that if it is time to let go, then it is time to let go.

One of the attachments she has is the belief that she must be the sole creator of podcast ideas. This mindset stems from her tendency to work independently, which often leads to aversion when it comes to asking for help. It is a form of clinging to her own perception of self.

Despite the discussions, teachings, and personal reflections on clinging, craving, and aversion that we've explored in season 3, she finds herself still navigating these human tendencies

Recently, she had a realization that she didn’t have to figure everything out on her own. In a previous episode, she asked for input, and during a lunch with friends, she explained her dilemma. The conversation led to a suggestion: exploring Buddhist nonprofits and healing practitioners and how they help others find release from suffering. This idea resonated with Margaret,  as it aligns with the theme of overcoming attachment and finding liberation.

In this upcoming season 4, Margaret will lead the way and dive into the lives and practices of those who dedicate themselves to helping others alleviate suffering. She will explore different perspectives, such as the bodhisattva path of self-sacrifice and the belief that one's own practice and release from suffering should come first. However, it is important to note that these views are not necessarily opposing; rather, they can coexist. She will also discuss the importance of compassion towards us and others throughout our own personal journeys.

Before we officially wrap up season 3, there is one more interview lined up, where our guest will share her experiences with attachment and how she has dealt with loss. After that, we will take a hiatus with a special episode in October, November, and December.

But fear not, as the Death Dhamma podcast will return with season 4 in January.  You are invited  to send your requests and suggestions for topics and individuals you would like to hear from.

In this episode, we explore the topic of attachment and its role in our lives. Dr. Seth Zuiho Segal challenges the common belief that Buddhism advocates for non-attachment in all aspects of life. He explains that there are different kinds of attachments, including attachments to people, objects, opinions, and self-identity. While certain attachments can be limiting, Seth argues that relationships are crucial for our overall well-being and that they provide an opportunity to practice mindfulness and compassion. He encourages listeners to prioritize the quality of their relationships and to embrace the complexities of attachment.

Venerable De shares personal experience of forming attachments to people who mistreated him and the subsequent impact on his self-worth. He emphasizes the importance of letting go of negative self-views and hard feelings towards abusers in order to move forward and live a healthy life. Venerable De also highlights the significance of offering loving kindness and compassion, both to oneself and to others, as a means of healing and finding solace in difficult times.

Mary Stancavage, discusses the concept of letting go of attachments to certain identities or perceptions of oneself. She reflects on her own journey of rediscovering her passion for archaeology without attaching her self-worth to it. Mary advises listeners to dig deep and question the underlying motivations behind their attachments, suggesting that the true source of discomfort often lies beneath the surface.

Dave Smith cautions against viewing attachment as inherently negative. He argues that it is rather the greed and clinging associated with attachment that can lead to suffering. Dave introduces the term "lobha" or greed and explains its role in fueling attachment. He encourages listeners to practice kindness and patience towards themselves and others, emphasizing the importance of cultivating a metta (loving-kindness) practice.

Throughout the episode, the speakers challenge common misconceptions about attachment and offer insights into how we can navigate its complexities. They highlight the role of relationships, self-reflection, and mindfulness in finding balance and fostering well-being. By exploring the nuances of attachment, listeners are encouraged to develop a greater understanding of themselves and their connections to others.

What good does it do to pay attention to our attachments? To look at our experiences with clinging and aversion? Well, for that matter what good does it do to meditate? To be with that arises and to gain insight? I humbly suggest that our practice is everywhere, on the cushion, in our experiences, and in our journals.

What do I mean when I invite you to journal with me?

I am asking you to join me in an experiment. You can participate as much or as little as you like.

Me? I am all in.  While planning for this season of the Death Dhamma podcast, it occurred to me. Clinging and aversion are all around us. At least as an everyday layperson making my way in this world, it is all around me. 

While learning from the dhamma, and from our wise teachers, why not engage in some active self-reflection? I think that I know some of my areas of attachment. Most likely I share them with many of you.

• I do want to be healthy.
• I do not want to be sick.
• I do want to age - well kind of, because it means I am still here
•  I also want to have a certain level of fitness and ability as I age.
• As few wrinkles as possible, please.
• I want to have people I care about.
• I want them to care back.

Pretty standard stuff. And if not handled well, it is going to lead to some suffering. You, see, just because I have gone through the deaths of quite a few of my loved ones, doesn't mean I am free from all attachments.

What is the point of paying attention? Some might say, obsessing, is this paying attention over where and how I experience an obsession or a revelation? I hope it is the latter.

Here it is, our first episode featuring the attachment journal.

Peace? What is peace to us when someone we love is gone? Going all-in with the Death Dhamma means really going to the source.

I invited some of our wise teachers from season 1 to come back to the podcast and share their favorite stories or teachings about clinging and aversion. And one of them replied back to me, "Oh, so you are talking about the 2nd Noble Truth?"

Yes, I am!

The Four Noble Truths. They are the truth of suffering; its cause; its end; and the way to its end. Everything in this world is full of suffering, and the cause of suffering is craving. The end of suffering is nirvana. The way to the end of suffering is via the Noble Eightfold Path. Don't worry we will definitely visit the eightfold path at some point during this season.

Is the truth of suffering front and center in your life?

There is no time like the present to connect with what you crave and what you avoid.