emotional incest

In this episode, we speak with Brad Shore (LMFT) a licensed therapist with knowledge and major insight into a relatively misunderstood form of abuse - covert/emotional incest and how to overcome the childhood trauma that often plagues victims into adulthood.

What is emotional incest?

Covert incest is a type of emotional abuse. It occurs when a parent regularly violates the normal boundaries between themselves and a child. Therapists often refer to this as emotional incest or “enmeshment.”

In an emotionally incestuous relationship, a caregiver depends on a child for emotional support. This reverses the norms of parenthood and means that the child has to prioritise the needs of the adult. 

In some cases, the adult treats the child as if they are a romantic partner. However, what makes covert incest distinct from other types is that no sexual contact is involved. 

Emotional incest is different from a parent or caregiver and a child having a close relationship. In cases of covert incest, closeness results from the adult prioritising their needs over those of the child, harming the child’s well-being.

The parent often instigates inappropriate conversations, divulging intimate secrets about their own dysfunctional relationship and those of a sexual nature. 

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Eric, a Licensed Clinical Mental Health Counselor (and more, including addictions and sex therapy) shares his story of covert incest, and how he was confronted with his own trauma and worked to heal it. In this episode, he shares a number of valuable resources for recognizing and healing from covert and emotional incest, which he uses in his work with love- and sex-addicted men.

In the season finale, Ameé welcomes to the show Dr. Margaret Rutherford. She has been a psychologist in private practice for over twenty-five years. She hosts a podcast called SelfWork with Dr. Margaret Rutherford and in November of 2019, published her book Perfectly Hidden Depression: How to Break Free from the Perfectionism that Masks Your Depression.

Due to messages from many listeners as well as having a front row seat to the dynamic of enmeshment, Ameé is tackling the topic with Margaret to help raise the awareness of it for families who may not understand the differences between healthy parent-child relationships and what happens when they are too involved. 

We see a lot today not enough connection between parents and children for fear of “ruining” them, sadly especially with boys and mothers. But enmeshment is swinging the pendulum all the way to the other side.

In this episode, you will hear: 

• Is there really a fine line between a healthy connection and enmeshment? 
• Margaret's personal experiences with enmeshment
• The relationship of narcissism and narcissistic personality disorder with enmeshment
• What are the major consequences to adult children from an enmeshed relationship with a parent

Resources 

https://drmargaretrutherford.com/when-a-parent-needs-too-much-what-is-enmeshment-and-how-does-it-hurt-a-child/

https://drmargaretrutherford.com/