kid power

So you wake up in your bathtub, covered in the ghost of gravy fries. Your roommate tells you they are going to that one place that has the really good pancakes, and you should come, too. You know this place is nearly as gross as last night's diner, and the pancakes are mediocre at best, but, your head hurts and you definitely need to eat something, so you come along to be a good sport. and figure at least the orange juice should be safe... about halfway there your car breaks down, and a gorilla that escaped from the zoo suddenly attacks you out of nowhere, flinging poop and just generally beating the crap out of you. Your friend runs off in terror as you feel your ribs crack, and everything gets kind of swimmy as you succumb to your concussion. yeah. enjoy this movie.

Have you ever gotten really bad food poisoning? I mean REALLY bad. Like, you are on the toilet with diarrhea, holding a bucket so you can vomit at the the same time. It was probably that really late dinner you had with your friends at that one skeevy diner. You didn't want to go, because you know the cooks don't wash their hands after they use the bathroom, but you all are pretty wasted, and you don't want to make a big fuss over it. Also, you aren't completely sure it's even the same diner. You are drunk, after all. So you go to this place and for whatever dumb reason the Salisbury steak looks good to you. It reminds you of high school. or some crap. SO you order that, and your friends want to share a big greasy pile of "disco fries", and they insist you have some. Of course, the gross gray meat you are eating and the even more gross brownish gravy all over it and the EVER STILL more gross gravy and cheese fries are so salty and greasy that you drink at least two full glasses of Coke, and about halfway through your brownish-grayish meal you feel your stomach starting to churn. But you are drunk, and are not the one driving, so you just kind of sit there while your friends all talk for what seems like days at this diner, until you are finally driven home to crash into bed... for about twenty minutes. You feel a "knock at the door" if you know what I mean, and dash to the bathroom, emptying the contents of your stomach into the toilet. You think you will feel better after that. You always do. But you lie in bed for what seems like hours, your stomach full of gas. You writhe in pain and decide that maybe, if you can force yourself to fart or even poop, it will ease the pressure. You sit on the bowl, clutching your midsection, sweat pouring down your face. You start rocking back and forth, hoping the motion will help somehow. And then... All at once, the flood from both ends. Every bit of you is burning as full-on panic sets in, and you can do nothing but wait, wait for it to stop as you have long since exhausted any fluid in your body. You shower, once, twice, all the time sobbing, praying and promising you'll never be so foolish again. I mean THAT kind of sick. Anyway, this movie SUCKS.