Morgan returns from the first season to share her story with Aaron about all of the red flags she became aware of after dating a sociopath.
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:23 Aaron Talks
This is a two part episode on a heavier topic around narcissism and sociopathic tendencies.
In my field of work I don’t like to throw around the word narcissism or sociopath very often. I view narcissism like a scale or a spectrum.
I suggest people really get clear on the differences. Narcissists are very hurt wounded people on the inside who feel they need have the world revolve around them and they need to make others small in order to do that.
Generally speaking psychopaths are born and sociopaths are made. Sociopaths are all narcissists but not all narcissists are sociopaths.
So you know… I am not a psychologist, I’m a coach and my passion is being a student of life, love and relationships.
This episode is intended to bring awareness to those that might be trapped in a harmful relationship with someone who may be sociopathic or an extreme narcissist.
My friend Morgan, who I dated in high school and was in an episode of the first season, has returned to tell us about her experience dating a Sociopath & a narcissist. Not a light conversation.
Have you found yourself ignoring red flags. Have you had the blinders on and make excuses for your partners harmful behaviors?
You might be in a relationship with an unhealthy destructive person and need to seek professional help.
When someone has extreme manipulative behaviors, they are hiding something and don’t want you to find out. If you expose the truth, they’ll make you feel bad for it by misdirecting guilt. Thats a form of gaslighting.
When you make excuses for your partner that don’t add up, you start becoming part of their disillusioned story and fantasy.
This is why exposing the truth with other safe people is so important.
Hiding it will only make it worse.
The only way out of a harmful relationship like this is to start telling yourself the truth and trusting your intuition.
This first part is about understanding the red flags, because they don’t always appear that way at first.
Morgan has been so bold and vulnerable to be able to share her story so that others may be able to step out of harms way.
Before the conversation gets started, if you’ve been listening to this podcast and something stands out to you or you’ve had an aha moment or maybe rethought love in someway. Please go ahead and leave a review and share your experience. It helps others learn from their experiences as well.
3:20 min
Morgan starts out telling a story about being told to smile by a drunk gay guy at a bar, and how she called him out.
Misogyny doesn’t always come from strait men.
Morgan didn’t feel unsafe, but she speaks about how the Me Too moment has allowed her to speak up.
5:15 min
Aaron turns the conversation over to talking about dating a sociopath, the story of Morgan’s experience.
Some people experience it more often than you think but a lot of women experience some form of abuse and it’s not until they’re told that a light comes on and it makes sense.
6:40 min
Morgan mentions the classic move and red flags are love bombing super hard. Saying things like You’re everything they’re looking for. Like they are studying you.
Everything moved quickly and for Morgan it was the first time she had let a boyfriend move in with her so quickly.
The person on the receiving end is overlooking the red flags.
9:30 min
Red flags are just something to be aware of and question intention. Be aware and ask why someone is so ready to move in so quickly for instance.
Aaron talks about being aware of putting all of yourself in to the relationship, but it was different for Morgan. The relationship seemed to be everything that she wanted at first.
She had been waiting for so long for something. They we into all of the same things.
12 min
The relationship seemed really in sync, but Morgan overlooked a lot of things.
Morgan said, “He was a piece of work.”
Morgan made a lot excuses when he was making a slight of hand.
Another major red flag for Morgan was her ex describing every ex girlfriend as “crazy”. “All my ex’s are crazy.”
If all of your ex’s are crazy, that means you’re the common denominator.
Morgan asks, what does that word “crazy” even mean? It can be an easy out, especially for a compulsive liar.
15:30 min
Aaron asks about what the tale tale signs were and when it all started clicking for Morgan.
Morgan didn’t see any signs for a year. Morgan started seeing that he wasn’t being honest. She just had a gut feeling. She felt anxiety in her chest.
17 min
Morgan shares a story about how her ex made excuses when they were going to a concert.
Little lies building up to bigger ones.
Morgan shares a big lie about her ex and his passport.
19:40 min
Aaron asked if there was ever any confrontation, and Morgan said that the main thing was that he was cheating on her the entire time.
Morgan finally caught him in a lie but then he blamed it back on Morgan.
Morgan thought she was going crazy. He was so good at creating a lie.
She talks about how you would have to spend a lot of close time lithesome to even know its going on.
22 min
Morgan talked to his ex girlfriends and they all told her the same story. The same story she had gone through.
Morgan started writing a blog. The best way to not be holding on to a lie is to share the truth.
23:15 min
Aaron asks where Morgan saw signs of narcissism as apposed to sociopathic behavior.
Morgan doesn’t have a degree but she’s done so much research and a lot of therapy around this.
In his mind it’s grandiose, but the dichotomy is that he hates himself so he has to fill the hole or lack from everybody around him.
26 min
Narcissist need others to fill the lack in them. The co-dependent becomes like a drug. They need someone to affirm their addiction to not address their pain.
Morgan shares a wild story about her ex coming home with a machine gun and had no explanation for it.
28:20 min
Morgan also shares a story about her ex lying about how he doesn’t have a PayPal account. He was great and spinning stories.
Morgan said he had major finance and responsibility red flags like still paying for his ex’s or jumping to another account drastically.
Sociopaths are so good at lying they can pass a polygraph.
30:30 min
Aaron asks what wasthe catalyst for getting out of the relationship..
Morgan was planning to meet him out of down, but her ex didn’t pick her up for 20 hours. She stayed in the city by herself.
Morgan tells the really big story about how they ended up breaking up to her friend.
Her friend knew the truth and just assumed Morgan and her ex were in an open relationship which wasn’t the case.
It ended back with an argument with him saying “your crazy”. Morgan kicked him outing changed the locks
35:50 min
Aaron says “ I don’t think ending on good terms is the end of a story for being with a sociopath.”
Morgan said she had to dig deep and investigate. She started reading other people’s stories with the same patterns.
Aaron asks about the aftermath of the relationship….
37:20 min Aaron Closes
Thanks so much for listening to TKOL podcast. Make sure to check in next week for part two of my conversation with Morgan around The aftermath of recovering from this type of harmful relationship.
If you or you know someone who is struggling in a harmful relationship patterns and is trying to recover from her and heartbreak and wants to clean their self-worth and wants to feel like a whole person again. Please reach out to me or another professional.
You can connect with me about my heart centered life and relationship coaching at thekindoflove.com or on Instagram.com/AaronTosti.
This is TKOL podcast.
I’m Aaron.
Best of love to you.
