pointless

Edinburgh's most informed people are back with another episode of the Discussing Nothing podcast. What are they discussing this week? You guessed it: nothing! Well... Nothing of any importance, anyway. Speaking of nothing, cucumbers eh? They're a bit of nothing. Add nothing to a meal. Have no nutritional content. They're there, but they're not really there; like a distant memory that might have once been a fond one, but you can't quite seem to grasp it anymore. At least that's what Kelvin thinks of cucumbers in his Discussing Nothing debut! Kelvin's cucumbers are battling with Emma's crying cinema babies to be outlawed by Ross - yet again the self-appointed Prime Minister of YouMore Land. YouMore Land, and the wider world, is LITTERED with cinemas packed to the gills with crying babies - so claims Emma, anyway. Listen to find out what will be banished forever, and what will continue to plague the lives of the poor YouMorians.

Oompa Loompa doopidy doo, we have a brand new super fight for you. Oompa Loompa doopidy dee, who will win? Just listen and see! Move aside, Animal Farm, there's a new analogy for Marxist theory in town: a fight between Oompa Loompas and Vampires. Hampered by weak hamstrings, and presumably battling unemployment, will five Oompa Loompas have what it takes to defeat their blood-sucking overlord? Find out what Ross thinks as Tristan and Alex battle it out for another super fight episode!

*DISCLAIMER: Please forgive the audio issues at the beginning of this video! Normal audio quality does resume at 7 minutes in. We apologise to your ears for any distress. Thank you!*

Life ain't no picnic, especially when you're trying to impress Archduke Ross! For this episode of Discussing Nothing, Emma and Tristan meet head to head for the very first time. Who will emerge victorious, and win the title of "Best Picnic Idea Person in the YouMore Office"? I mean, who wouldn't want that etched onto a plaque on their desk, right? What will Ross decide, the decadent excess and quintessentially British spread put out by Tristan, or Emma's selection of classic picnic treats?

Edinburgh's most ridiculous podcast has another Super Fight in store! You've seen an energy drink-fuelled honey badger take on a mind reading, hummus making pirate, now buckle up for the next bout. It's a Kung Fu Reggae Band vs a grizzly bear inhibited by the hiccups and a foam finger. What have Alex and Tristan got up their sleeves to argue their case? Do Tristan's off-beat heroes have what it takes to stop Alex's inconvenienced hibernator, or will they have their steel pulse cut short? It's neck and neck, so find out who can beat the dreadlock and who's going to be handed their UB40 in defeat!

What is the best thing in the world beginning with A? No, Alex didn't pick himself. Somewhat surprisingly for this A-loving carnivore, Alex opted for the worldwide symbol of gentrification: the avocado. Tristan's weapon of choice to combat Alex's avocado? The destroyer of the morning, the bringer of football, the time when it is acceptable to have a beer: the afternoon! Let these A-rated titans of the YouMore office battle it out in front of the ever-fair, ever-just judge: Ross. What will he decide is the best thing beginning with A? The versatile avocado pear, or Tristan's favourite time of day?

If you were Prime Minister, what would you make illegal? For team YouMore, the topics up for discussion were seasonal weather, and sports-watching pub-goers... Who said we don't talk about the big issues? Yes, that's right. Emma wants to make WINTER illegal. That doesn't mean simply renaming the winter months, or just pretending it isn't cold outside. She means actually making the abstract concept of the season of winter, as well as its physical form that manifests itself as biting winds and perennial darkness, ILLEGAL. Winter is abolished. But has Emma even considered the polar bears? What will they do when what little ice they have left in their Arctic home melts for the final time, just so Emma doesn't have to wear an oodie for a few short months? And then we have Aalyn's proposal. Ban sports from being shown in pubs, and other public institutions. For a large chunk of the populace that calls ole Albion its home, the pub is a sacred place. And, some would say, gathering there to watch "the match" is a significant part of British culture. But can that excuse the rudeness? The sheer insistence of ignoring the conversation at hand, just to watch another 0-0 draw? And have you even thought about the health and safety? Have you? The number of people we see tumbling to their deaths because they got distracted by the TV in a pub is endless. When will we learn? No wonder the NHS is getting overwhelmed... See what Ross, faced with another life-altering decision to make, decides will be illegal. Will Emma turn Scotland into a tropical paradise 365 days of the year, or will Aalyn manage to bring down a British institution as sacred as tea and crumpets? Listen to find out!

Everyone likes a Sunday roast, but we all have our favourites. That's the topic of discussion today: what is the best roast? Alex and Ross, two deeply opinionated individuals at the best of times, attempt to put their differences aside to come up with the top 5 roast dinners. Chicken? Lamb? A nut roast (don't be silly)? Who knows?! See what team YouMore land on for their best roast dinners!

Your favourite podcast for absurd conversation is tackling another mind-boggling conundrum as Alex and Tristan battle it out once again. But they will not be doing the fighting themselves, of course. In Alex's corner is a vicious honey badger, one of nature's most fearsome fighters, armed with five energy drinks and riding a segway. Sounds fun. In Tristan's corner he has a mind-reading pirate with the power to turn all it touches into hummus. Shiver me timbers, what a delicious face-off we have in store for you! Of course, mediated by Ross who will use all his insight and wisdom to determine the winner of this battle for the ages. Fighters, begin!

The Discussing Nothing podcast makes its long awaited return - and what a comeback it is, ladies and gentlemen! Buckle up to hear about all the things you never thought about, and probably never will! The first episode of this revamped second season sees two heavyweights of the YouMore office face off against one another. It's Alex vs Tristan. It's road rage vs democratic voting. Which would you get rid of? Does road rage have benefits? Would the world really be that much worse if our next prime minister was decided with an actual race? Who knows... It's up to Ross to decide!

Oh hey. Please enjoy this totally pointless update.

Find the Pointless Parrot Podcast online at:
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The Pointless Parrot Podcast is just a whole bunch of craziness with me, Emma. A podcast where there is no format, there is no script. Or is there?

We have a habit of talking about the inane and irrelevant. But no more, I say! This episode we get real with some pressing issues, brought to light by recent events in Auld Reekie.

Like the elves leaving Middle Earth, the bin men left Edinburgh's streets to send Scotland's capital into a state of anarchy and disarray. Elephant-sized rats roamed the alleyways and pungent fumes filled the previously fresh air.

With this in mind, Alex and Tristan take their minds to an even darker place than they experienced during the strikes. What public service would cause the biggest issues? Would we be witness to a Purge-like society with the absence of police? Would torrents of excrement flow down the Royal Mile without plumbing (gardyloo!)? Would we experience an age of witch doctors and mage-craft in the absence of healthcare (or would it just be like America)? Who knows! Listen to find out.

IKEA, the wonderful everyday. If you've been to IKEA you'll know it's a great place worthy of a day trip in its own right. Now let your mind run wild and think about all the amazing and magical things you could get up to if stuck there for 24 hours!

Who knows what mischief and adventures could be had within the confines of that giant warehouse containing every room in your house and more.

Like kids let loose in a sweet shop, or a bull charging around a china shop, hear what Ross and Tristan have to say on the matter.

We all love supermarkets, right?

WRONG! If we're being honest, we love some supermarkets and hate others. With this in mind, we wound up Alex and Ross and let them go hell for leather to rank the UK's supermarket chains from best to worst.

Will Tesco trump all? Will Asda get assassinated? Will Somerfield be forgotten about completely? Yes, obviously. No one's gone to Somerfield since Hot Huzz.

Anyway, there has to be one supermarket to rule them all. What will it be?

Let's go to the beach, beach... Unless it's a first date. Then stay away at ALL. COSTS.

What's the worst possible first date? That's the puzzle we're trying to piece together on this week's episode.

Whether it's an awkward 120 minutes of silence through some gore-filled film or a boring wait in the multi-activity centre known as the "car garage", team YouMore discuss all sorts of scenarios you wouldn't want to find yourself in on your quest for romance.

People say they'd do anything for love, but after listening to this podcast we're sure you'll reconsider...

We say the craziest things, don't we? "It's raining cats and dogs", "pushing an elephant up the stairs", "they've got a chip on their shoulder", and so on.

Now, imagine if these sayings were literally true and join team YouMore to discuss what life would be like... If you dare.

At YouMore, we get our minds blown by things on a pretty regular basis. So can you imagine what the modern era would do to the primitive, peanut-sized mind of a caveman?

That's the nothing on discussion today - what would blow a caveman's mind the most if they were alive today?

How would they cope not having to fight and scrap for every meal? What would they think of people over the age of 25 (a near impossibility in the Stone Age)? Would their rock-hardened features melt on contact with a memory foam mattress?

Find out how the Flintstones would cope in the 21st century with team YouMore!

They Ask, You Answer? No - Aalyn Asks, We Answer.

We coaxed our resident introvert in front of the camera once more, and she has some pressing questions on her mind that need clarification. So who did she come to for answers? That's right - three wise men. Alex, Jordan and Tristan are tasked with solving age-old conundrums like "how do you say hello?", "how do you say goodbye?" and "do you look people in the eye when you're talking to them?"

Have you thought of these questions before? Probably not. But if you have then boy oh boy you're in for a treat!

Come Whine With Me at Jordan's lack of grace and decorum during his fantasy dinner date with Tristan. Bringing your own bottle is one thing, but have you heard of bringing your own kettle?

Jordan treats Tristan to a selection of his finest margarines, whilst Tristan sets the mood with some dim lighting, cool jazz and an all-night session of Risk. Is it easy to spot who's trying to impress who, and who has all the grace of a reversing dump truck without any tires on?

What a sad little life, Jordan...

This episode is best enjoyed with visual accompaniment, where you can see Jordan attempt to draw Alex and Aalyn's wonderful designs on a whiteboard.

This week Aalyn gets in front of the Discussing Nothing cameras for the first time to give her opinion on our most pressing issue to date. The task? To design a single tool that can be used for all your kitchen-based needs. But wait - there's more. Jordan will be attempting to draw each of the designs according to the descriptions given by Alex and Aalyn, only revealing his work for judgement at the end!

Take a look and decide for yourself how easy these implements would be to use - I'm not sure too much cooking would get done!

Discussing Nothing is renowned for answering the questions we've all got on our minds, and this week's edition is no different. The question? If you could inherit the powers of any animal just from it biting you (i.e. Spider Man), what animal would you choose? Would you want the speed of a cheetah? The mesmeric voice of a nightingale? Perhaps a mouth as big as that of a blue whale? Check out what Alex, Tristan, Jordan and Aalyn have to say on the matter - it's as insightful and high-brow as ever!