porn causes stress

In Episode 199, Steve is on the road traveling so Mark is flying solo on the PBSE podcast.  

Everyday we think, talk and act on "autopilot" in SO many ways! All of this is "hard-wired" in the subconscious mind's computer.  And one of the most powerfully hard-wired programs the subconscious mind’s computer can contain is ADDICTION. Addiction is all about reacting on autopilot. We encounter stress, discomfort, pain, disappointment, shame, fear, failure and any number of other negative feelings and our subconscious programming automatically kicks in and moves us like a robot down the automatic track of seeking escape and self-soothing through long-established and practiced addiction outlets. 

And after it’s all over we shake our heads and wonder, “How did I fall off the deep end again? It’s like I wasn’t thinking; like I don’t even have a mind of my own.” Truth is, when you give in to addiction, you’re not thinking; you’re not using your conscious mind at all—the hard-wired subconscious takes over and from that point you’re simply along for the ride. 

 The question is, are we stuck with the subconscious programing that has been hard-wired over a lifetime? Can our subconscious computer be “re-wired” and re-programmed? The resounding answer to that is YES!!! The next logical question is HOW?  Find out in this episode of the PBSE podcast. 

Learn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program—"Dare to Connect!" You have live access to Mark and Steve in 3 one-hour sessions every week—addicts, spouses and couples! And live support groups on weekends, facilitated by Mark and Steve! To try a free, 2-week trial, visit—daretoconnectnow.com

Find out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension Counseling

Learn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services

Erectile Dysfunction (ED) is a VERY common challenge among those struggling with porn/sex addiction AND also common for addicts in recovery. The discussion in Episode 171 is in response to a question from a PBSE listener—

Hello, I’m an addict in recovery. I’m in good solid recovery I listen to multiple podcasts a day I go to therapy once a week, im working on an empathy workbook in my free time and trying really hard. I’ve been free from porn for 60 days. Since d day I had one slip up about 25 days in where I was watching YouTube videos I shouldn’t have. My wife found this out on her own. And this is after we had been really starting to get intimate and recover together. Since that day I haven’t acted out in any way. I’m really struggling with weird symptoms of random ED with my wife which makes her question my recovery but I don’t have an explanation for this. So when this happens I overreact and get mad and depressed so then it makes it seem even more likely I’m acting out, but I am not. I don’t know what to do in this situation. How am I in good recovery and this is happening? Why can’t I be vulnerable in those situations and try to work through it with my wife. Why is this happening?

-  What are some of the potential causes of ED?

-  How are physical health issues, mental health issues and emotional issues involved?

-  How does an individual's "Arousal Template" play a factor in this?

-  How can the addiction recovery process contribute to struggles with ED?

-  How pairing "emotional connection" with "sexual connection" is part of answer.

Learn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program—"Dare to Connect!" You have live access to Mark and Steve in 3 one-hour sessions every week—addicts, spouses and couples! And live support groups on weekends, facilitated by Mark and Steve! To try a free, 2-week trial, visit—daretoconnectnow.com

Find out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension Counseling

Learn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services 

In episode 149, Mark & Steve reach out to an addict in recovery who expressed some very deep feelings and meaning questions—

Hi Mark and Steve, I love your podcast and have learned a ton from your experiences! Thank you for all that you do for the SA recovery community! I'm a betraying partner in recovery from porn and sex addiction. I've been working with a CSAT for 10 months and engage in separate therapy and accountability groups each week. My wife and I completed a therapeutic disclosure 4 months ago and just started couples' counseling this week. I struggle with a deep feeling of worthlessness that manifests in many areas of my life - being afraid of failure, perfectionism, and having trouble accepting affirmation even from fellow people in recovery. My question is: What steps can I take to overcome that feeling of worthlessness? My partner and I explored EFT (Hold Me Tight) months ago and agreed that it was not the time to discuss forgiveness. Even if she forgave me, I'm not sure my self-worth would allow me to accept it.

-  Where do feelings of "worthlessness" come from?  A distorted view of one’s identity!

-  What does being an "addict" mean to you?

-  Is addiction an "identity" or one of many attributes?

-  Do you believe you can change?  Do you deserve change? Do you deserve Something better?

-  What part does "spiritually" play in all of this?

-  What is my identity/place in the universe?

-  What is my TRUE potential for growth and change?

-  What do I have to contribute to the world?

-  How can "parenting your inner child" help you break the bands of worthlessness?

-  Are you willing to allow your partner to choose you or reject you on their terms, rather than making assumptions and deciding for them?

-  Are you practicing "vulnerability" in your relationships with self and others?  Why or why not?  What do I need to do to resolve these obstacles?

Learn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program—"Dare to Connect!" You have live access to Mark and Steve in 3 one-hour sessions every week—addicts, spouses and couples! And live support groups on weekends, facilitated by Mark and Steve! To try a free, 2-week trial, visit—daretoconnectnow.com

Find out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension Counseling

Learn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services

Here's an article with some practical tips on HOW to STOP watching porn—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/post/how-can-i-stop-watching-porn

In this episode Mark and Steve respond to a very heart-felt question by a PBSE listener—

My wife and I recently listened to your episode on healthy sex vs toxic sex. I realize now that for our whole marriage, sex has been toxic and me-centered. I asked my wife if she identified with the part in the episode where you said some wives discover feeling abused in this process and she said yes. This crushed me. My question is: how do I process the shame and self-hate that comes with learning my wife feels this way? How can I forgive myself, especially if she is still struggling to forgive me? Self forgiveness seems selfish before she offers forgiveness. Will I ever stop feeling like a monster?

Learn more about Mark and Steve's new online program—"Dare to Connect!" You have live access to Mark and Steve three times a week--addicts, spouses and couples! Visit—daretoconnectnow.com

Find out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension Counseling

Learn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services

Want to learn more about how to move out of "toxic sex" in a marriage relationship and into "True Intimacy"?—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/true-intimacy-vs-sex-in-marriage

Growing up, a PBSE listener suffered from an abusive relationship with his father, which was a BIG factor in the development and ongoing struggle with Porn Addiction. He submitted some questions to Mark and Steve—

I've realized that improving my relationship with my Dad is key to my recovery. How do I approach him about this without letting out 20 years of anger and resentment? His approach to life is that anyone that can't solve their problems with willpower alone is just weak. What do I tell him then? How do I work through the codependency?

In this episode, Mark and Steve talk directly about HOW to move from Co-Dependency to Recovery and let go of the shackles of past and present abusive/dysfunctional relationships.

Learn more about Mark and Steve's new online program—"Dare to Connect!" You have live access to Mark and Steve three times a week--addicts, spouses and couples! Visit—daretoconnectnow.com

Find out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension Counseling

Learn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services

Here's a blog article that shows you how to achieve "real intimacy/connection" even in the midst of conflict!—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/post/collaborative-conflict-is-essential-to-real-intimacy-in-marriage

There are MANY "triggers" that can impact and even derail addiction recovery and healing from betrayal trauma. One trigger that can blindside us are significant, meaningful events like holidays, birthdays, anniversaries and more.

In this episode, Mark and Steve talk about their personal struggles with "Father's Day" and how it has been a trigger for both of them. Their raw and real personal examples will help you begin to uncover the core emotions/cause of your own addiction and trauma. And very importantly, learn HOW to start moving through and beyond your "triggers."   

Learn more about Mark and Steve's new online program—"Dare to Connect!" You have live access to Mark and Steve three times a week--addicts, spouses and couples! Visit—daretoconnectnow.com

Find out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension Counseling

Learn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services

Here's a great article on the "Brain Science" behind porn and sex addiction—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/brain-science-porn-sex-addiction

Here's an article about healing Betrayal Trauma—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/healing-betrayal-trauma-video

Want to learn more about HOW to break free from porn?—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/overcome-porn-sex-addiction

Wondering if your marriage can survive porn and sex addiction? This article will give you some hope—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/can-marriage-survive-porn

We constantly talk about how and why “mindfulness” and CONNECTING with your True, Authentic Self is SO critical to recovery and healthy living!  Yet, when it comes to stepping back to be an “observer” and “watcher” of our thoughts, feelings and emotions—WHY can it be SO HARD?!  It’s way easy to get pulled into GOING TO WAR and battling it out with our brains—seeing the brain (especially the ego-addict-Limbic System) as the ENEMY!

There is a way to work WITH your brain and not against it—a way to get into a "flow" of self-connection. STOP battling with yourself and start connecting!

Learn more about Mark and Steve's new online program—"Dare to Connect!" You have live access to Mark and Steve three times a week--addicts, spouses and couples! Visit—daretoconnectnow.com

Find out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension Counseling

Learn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services

Here's a great article on the "Brain Science" behind porn and sex addiction—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/brain-science-porn-sex-addiction

Here's an article about healing Betrayal Trauma—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/healing-betrayal-trauma-video

Want to learn more about HOW to break free from porn?—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/overcome-porn-sex-addiction

Wondering if your marriage can survive porn and sex addiction? This article will give you some hope—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/can-marriage-survive-porn

In this episode, Mark and Steve talk raw and real about their personal "God journeys"—how God operated in their lives BEFORE recovery and healing (crazy dysfunctional!)—and how their God relationships evolved in ways that literally "saved" their lives and marriages.

Maybe in your individual and couple recovery and healing you could use a personal "God assessment."

Find out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension Counseling

Learn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services

In many cases, "religiosity" which is often very different from "spirituality" can have a dramatic impact on keeping us stuck in addiction. Check out this article—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/lds-porn-addiction-help

When an addict spouse is "gaslighting" you, it can be very difficult to trust in your own "spiritual insights and promptings." This article might help—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/is-a-porn-addict-gaslighting-you

Porn and sexual addiction rob us of the deep spirituality that should exist in a healthy marriage relationship—even spirituality in the physical/sexual aspects of our relationship. This article may provide some valuable in sights—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/true-intimacy-vs-sex-in-marriage

A recent article in a popular publication claimed that "porn is the perfect stress reducer." In this episode, Mark and Steve get raw and personal about their experience.

In the "short-term" porn is a "drug," an escape and gives a perceived "sense of control" over one's life. Porn gives a temporary feeling of self worth, connection and satisfaction.

In the "long-term," after the escape of porn is over, the SAME challenges and stressors return--with a vengeance! Stress increases as feelings of guilt, shame and disconnection come flooding in. Porn lowers self-esteem. Porn makes one less resilient to real life and more conditioned to escape problems instead of facing and addressing them.

What to DO:  Engage in "mindfulness/feelings" journaling. Instead of immediately running to porn, explore--"What is going on in my life, in my headspace, in my environment and relationships that keeps PUSHING me to porn? What exactly is it that I'm trying to run from and escape?"

Visit the PBSE website at: pbsepodcast.com 

Find out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension Counseling  
Learn more about Mark Kastleman at: Reclaim Counseling Services

Want to learn more about the Brain Science behind porn addiction?—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/brain-science-porn-sex-addiction

Here's how porn addiction can be like a "drug addiction"—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/is-pornography-a-drug-addiction