subjected

When we think of resurrection we naturally (and properly) think of the life following death and of its ultimate transformation. But the wonder and glory of that truth notwithstanding, there’s far more to what the resurrection points to. It’s the...

The Messiah is still coming . . . the Solomon the Hebrews expected is still coming.

SITE: http://www.courtneyanderson.com/swca-episode-177-help-situation-spotlight-series-i-am-being-subjected-to-the-silent-treatment-from-someone-how-do-i-handle-it.html

 

SHOW NOTES: In our HELP! SITUATION SPOTLIGHT™ series, we shine the light on challenges that community members have shared. This episode is, “I am being subjected to ‘The Silent Treatment’ from someone. How do I handle it?”

You Don’t.

This is a challenging subject as many of us would prefer to remain silent about “the silent treatment” (ouch). Yet, we cannot do so. We prefer our aggression served out loud so that we are able to hear it. When we are confronted with aggression masquerading as innocent activity, it is slithery and elusive. When exactly did it start? Are we imagining it? Is silence really deafening or are we simply too sensitive? 

In this show we discuss ‘the silent treatment’ at work and in our personal lives. These two questions will be our guides irrespective of the setting. 

1) How much are you invested in the person? 

 

2) How much are you invested In the relationship?

 

What is ‘the silent treatment’? Maybe I am simply imagining it? Or, perhaps I am confused and mistake a quiet person for an act of aggression?

The silent treatment is a form of aggression. It is not your imagination. It is not you being too sensitive. It is not that some people are quiet (as quiet people are not entirely silent, they simply speak less loudly and less often). 

Specifically, this behavior is passive-aggression. “Passive aggression is aggression by “not doing” — and deliberately not communicating or giving someone the “silent treatment” is one of the more common forms of it. And passive-aggression can be one tool in an arsenal of weapons that people use to manipulate and/or abuse others.” (http://askthepsych.com/atp/2010/09/09/is-the-silent-treatment-a-form-of-abuse/)

Why does a person use ‘the silent treatment’?

In general, because they want to and they are allowed to (please access Episode 114 where I discuss this issue). Specifically, “The silent treatment is a passive-aggressive action where a person feels bad but is unable to express themselves. Their being 'silent' is never a silent act. It generates what the sulker wants. Attention and the knowledge others are hurt. Plus a feeling of power from creating uncertainty over how long the ‘silence’ will last. Some therapists see this kind of social rejection purely as poor communication. Others are more concerned by it, viewing it as a form of control or even abuse. […] 

Whether they have learned this in the past or present, if they repeatedly engage in this behaviour as an adult this is something they are making a deliberate choice to do. Even if they feel like they have no control over their feelings or actions. This is particularly important to remember if you are prone to try and ‘fix’ things in the relationship or if you feel you have done something to cause them to withdraw. (http://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/sex/10020662/Silent-treatment-how-to-snap-him-out-of-it.html)

How do I handle ‘the silent treatment’?

As I share in this show, you don’t. I have dealt with being a victim of aggression via the silent treatment and it is very effective (in getting attention for the aggressor and for inflicting pain on the victim). As the victim has no relationship to the behavior (we didn’t cause it, we don’t control it, we can’t fix it), all we can do is identify it, acknowledge it and accept it. It is like [...]

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Subjected to Justin Curfman Episode 003: Daniil Kharms (1905 - 1942) August 30, 2013 - In this, the third episode of "Subjected", host Justin Curfman discusses the life and work of early, Soviet-era writer, poet, dramatist and children's author, Daniil Kharms. Featuring lengthy interviews with: (31:25) Anthony Anemone, Ph.D. (Univ. of CA, Berkeley) & Peter Scotto, Ph.D. (Univ. of CA, Berkeley), translators & editors of the book: "I Am a Phenomenon Quite out of the Ordinary: The Notebooks, Diaries & Letters of Daniil Kharms" (Academic Studies Press)    (1:22:20) Svetlana Dubovitskaya-Payne, translator & editor of the book, "The Charms of Harms: Selected Poems of Daniil Kharms" (Matteo Publishing) (1:52:42) Matvei Yankelevich, translator of the book, "Today I Wrote Nothing: The Selected Writings of Daniil Kharms" (Overlook Press) Other publications cited and recommended: "Mein Leben mit Daniil Charms: Aus Gesprächen zusammengestellt von Vladimir Glozer" von Marina Durnowo (Galiani Verlag Berlin)   "Incidences" - Translated by Neil Cornwell (Five Star Publishing / Serpent's Tail Press)   "It Happened Like This" - Translated by Ian Frazier (Farrar, Straus and Giroux)   "Oberiu: An Anthology of Russian Absurdism" by Eugene Ostashevsky    "The Man with the Black Coat: Russia's Literature of the Absurd" - Translated by George Gibian     "Subjected" is a not-for-profit program, whose production relies exclusively upon contributions from listeners like you. Please keep this program freely available and regularly produced by making a PayPal donation in any amount to the following email address: bitchintat@msn.com Direct any questions or concerns that you may have to: tephramedia@gmail.com