S2 Episode 9: Loans and Love Do Not Mix
Episode Summary
Love and money can be a toxic combination. When you think with your heart (or crotch) instead of your mind, you often end up making decisions that you later regret. This is especially the case when you lend money to a romantic partner.
Most people borrow money with the best of intentions (at least you hope) to pay it back. Unfortunately, when that does not happen, feelings of resentment, manipulation and distrust emerge. Instead, consider giving the money your partner needs as a gift. It will buy you goodwill and allow you to avoid all of the negative consequences of an unpaid loan.
Moreover, unless you are married, you should make sure to keep your finances separate from your partner. Even if you live together, come up with an agreement of how each of you will contribute to the household expenses. This way you both understand the financial expectations in the relationship. When each partner practices fiscal responsibility, the chances of money causing stress on the relationship is minimized.
At the end of each episode, Marlee and Lis vent about commonly experienced issues in romantic relationships. In this episode, the ladies discuss partners and time management.
Show Notes
Mixing loans and love isn’t a good idea, and there are so many reasons why. This also goes back to a previous episode about exit strategies: The more you entangle yourself in a relationship, the more difficult it will make the situation when the relationship ends.
Of course, there is a difference between a loan and a gift. A loan means you expect to be repaid in full. A gift does not need to be returned and is in no way a legal arrangement. There can be consequences in lending money to a loved one, and you should know what those are before you do it.
If you lend money to a partner and they don’t pay you back, you will resent them. Plus, you might end up having to nag them about it, and then they will be resentful towards you. Another thing to remember is that lending money to a financially irresponsible partner means you are suffering the consequences instead of them.
When you lend somebody money, how they choose to spend that money is up to them. You have no say over it, which can be frustrating if you lent that money for a particular reason. It can violate your trust if someone you love and care about borrows money under the guise of an emergency and uses it even partially for something else.
In this episode, the vent session topic is: When your partner is late for dates or important occasions. It is so irritating when people are habitually late. What starts as one great excuse becomes one excuse after another. It shows a lack of consideration for the other person’s time. It makes the on-time person feel like they can’t trust their always-late partner.
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