think fast talk smart

New York Times Opinion columnist David Brooks shares how to communicate so that others feel seen, heard, and understood.

All too often, we communicate without really connecting. The key to building deep connections with others, says David Brooks, is to make them feel seen and heard.

Brooks is a writer for the New York Times, the Atlantic, and the best-selling author of several books. In his latest, How to Know a Person: The Art of Seeing Others Deeply and Being Deeply Seen, he explores how vulnerability — both being vulnerable ourselves and creating space for others to be as well — is the key to fostering deeper connections at home, at work, and throughout our lives. “[People] need to be seen, heard, and understood,” he says. “If you hide yourself from the emotional intimacies of life, you're hiding yourself from life itself.”

In this episode of Think Fast, Talk Smart, Brooks and host Matt Abrahams discuss the fundamentals of communicating with vulnerability and empathy, outlining the skills that anyone can learn and use to connect more deeply in their relationships.

Episode Reference Links:

• Full list of David Brooks books
• Bryan Stevenson
• George Orwell
• C.S. Lewis
• Oprah Winfrey Video
• Ep 64, Carissa Carter: YouTube / Website
• Ep 101, Geoffrey Cohen: YouTube / Website

Connect:

• Email Questions & Feedback >>> thinkfast@stanford.edu
• Episode Transcripts >>> Think Fast Talk Smart Website
• Newsletter Signup + English Language Learning >>> FasterSmarter.io
• Think Fast Talk Smart >>> LinkedIn Page,  Instagram, YouTube
• Matt Abrahams >>> LinkedIn
• Stanford GSB >>> LinkedIn & Twitter

Chapters:

(00:00:00) Introduction

(00:01:26) Personal Motivation

David Brooks shares insights into his journey and the motivation behind his latest book.

(00:04:01) Barriers to Connection

Common barriers to connection including egotism, anxiety, worldview, and lack of questioning.

(00:04:43) The Stages of Empathy

David Brooks breaks down empathy into components such as mirroring, mentalizing, and caring, and recognizing your own emotion

(00:07:40) Keys to Meaningful Conversation

Attention as an on-off switch, loud listening, avoiding topping responses, embracing pauses, and making people authors

(00:11:22) Understanding Illuminators and Diminishers

Illuminators are those who make you feel seen and valued through curiosity and active listening and suggestions and suggestions on how to be a better illuminator and conversationalist.

(00:14:01) How to Be a Better Public Speaker

The importance of vulnerability, humor, and storytelling. 

(00:16:25) Paradigmatic vs. Narrative Modes of Thinking

Jerome Bruner's concept of paradigmatic for writing and convincing, Narrative mode for understanding a fellow human being. 

(00:18:02) David Brooks' Journey

Becoming a journalist, inspired by childhood reading and early experiences as a police reporter & admiration for Oprah Winfrey as an admirable listener.

(00:19:52) Ingredients for Successful Communication

David Brooks outlines his three essential ingredients for effective communication: depth of passion, vulnerability, and clarity. 

(00:22:27) Closing

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

“There’s no difference between the physiological response to something that you’re excited about and something that you’re nervous about or dreading,” says Andrew Huberman associate professor of neurobiology and ophthalmology at Stanford University.

In this “Best of” episode, we revisit one of our most popular interviews. In it, Huberman, from the wildly popular Huberman Lab Podcast, shares his research on the autonomic continuum, a spectrum between states of high alertness or fear all the way down to deep sleep, and shares how to use the system to your advantage. “If people can conceptualize that the anxiety or stress response is the same as the excitement response, they feel different,” Huberman says.

Join the community & conversation by following the Think Fast, Talk Smart LinkedIn page.

For transcripts & more information, visit the Think Fast, Talk Smart website

Timestamps

[1:32] Best of Summer series Episode 3 Homework Assignment: Breathing exercise

[3:09] The autonomic continuum and the state we enter when we get nervous

[5:59] Our nervous system when we're getting ready to go to the podium

[10:02] A relaxation hack: forward movement under conditions of anxiety or high levels of alertness

[12:50] EMDR Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing: side-to-side eye movement that triggers the suppression of fear in the brain

[15:11] Ways to raise your stress tolerance for high levels of agitation in your body.

[17:25] Breathing hack: Just an exhale is the wrong advice. You want to do a double inhale. So inhale twice through the nose. So inhale through the nose. And then before you exhale, sneak in a little bit more air and then do a long exhale.

[20:05] What we can do to prepare for anxiety in advance.

[22:50] Insight for virtual communication.

[24:44] Huberman's answer to the Think Fast, Talk Smart three questions Matt asks all guests.

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.