your brain on porn

In Episode 210, Mark & Steve address an issue that comes up often in porn/sex addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing—the challenges of ADHD that seem to often correlate with, and/or accompany addiction. This episode is in response to a situation submitted by a PBSE listener—

"I have heard there is a correlation between ADHD and addiction. Have you noticed this in your practice, and what is your advice to both addict and partner on how to cope and battle through both issues collaboratively? I looked into the symptoms of ADHD and some of my long term frustrations with my partner could fit that. But others don’t. It’s hard to know what could be attributed to the addiction (emotional immaturity and selfishness) versus what could be ADHD related."

-  Mark talks about his own life-long struggle with ADHD symptoms and addiction.

-  How ADHD and porn/sex addiction symptoms can correlate and cross over in a variety of ways.

-  How porn use, as well as other online practices can "fuel" already existing ADHD symptoms and vice-versa.

-  What can an addict in recovery do to also manage his ADHD symptoms/challenges?

-  What can the partner of an addict do to support him in his "dual" struggles—without crossing the line into rescuing, over-owning, playing policewoman, etc?

-  How can a couple come together to collaborate as a team in facing these issues?


Learn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program—"Dare to Connect!" You have live access to Mark and Steve in 3 one-hour sessions every week—addicts, spouses and couples! And live support groups on weekends, facilitated by Mark and Steve! To try a free, 2-week trial, visit—daretoconnectnow.com

Find out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension Counseling

Learn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services

In episode 203, Mark and Steve tackle an issue that is often extremely challenging for both the individual who is in recovery from porn/sex addiction AND for their partner who is healing from betrayal trauma. That issue is—Trips and Travel—during the holidays as well as trips and vacations throughout the year.

-  WHY can trips and vacations be SO triggering for both the addict and their partner?!

-  HOW  is safety created for addicts AND their partners when the addict travels "solo"?

-  HOW is safety created for the addict and the partner when they travel together as a couple?

-  WHY every guy in recovery from porn/sex addiction MUST create, share and follow through with a "TRAVEL PLAN."

-  WHAT are the specific, essential elements of a Travel Plan?


Learn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program—"Dare to Connect!" You have live access to Mark and Steve in 3 one-hour sessions every week—addicts, spouses and couples! And live support groups on weekends, facilitated by Mark and Steve! To try a free, 2-week trial, visit—daretoconnectnow.com

Find out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension Counseling

Learn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services

After years or decades of feeling stuck in the endless "addiction cycle," it can be easy to become weighed down in hopelessness and the seeming "inevitability" of continuing relapse.  In Episode 197, Mark Kastleman  shares some simple, yet powerful tools to begin breaking free from the shackles of porn/sex addiction. For well over a decade, these tools have been tested and proved with thousands of addicts across the globe. Perhaps they can help you or someone you love in the fight to be free!

Learn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program—"Dare to Connect!" You have live access to Mark and Steve in 3 one-hour sessions every week—addicts, spouses and couples! And live support groups on weekends, facilitated by Mark and Steve! To try a free, 2-week trial, visit—daretoconnectnow.com

Find out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension Counseling

Learn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services

In episode 180, Mark and Steve address an insightful inquiry from a porn/sex addict seeking a real and lasting change of heart and mind in his recovery. Here's how he describes his situation—

"Hello! I am a recovering porn addict, and I have been listening to your podcast for the past six months or so. I have had a CSAT for the past nine months and started going to 12-step meetings around the same time. The recovery process has been hard, but I have begun to finally uncover some of the needs that I have been trying to meet or ignore by using porn. It has been in some ways exciting to have a better understanding of my insecurities which I have unknowingly been trying to shore up with porn. But now that I have started to pull back the curtain, I’m not sure of the best way to move forward. How can I practically retrain myself to address my insecurities in a healthy way, now that those insecurities have been at least partly revealed? Just the knowledge of how my coping mechanisms are unhealthy and an idea of what a healthy response would be doesn’t actually change my heart or my brain. I can tell myself truths repeatedly and I can set up daily reminders of what would be healthy, but that does not seem to offer much in the way of real heart change. I know this question is very broad and answers may be insecurity/situation specific, but if there are any recommendations for how to really internalize healthy responses, I would appreciate it. "

-  Why do porn/sex addiction “symptoms” seemingly get all the attention and focus?
 
-  What is the difference between treating addiction “symptoms” and uncovering and healing the “core causes/issues” and why does this matter?

-  How does all of this relate to “co-dependencies” and relying on the “external” to soothe the “internal”?

-  Why can addicts in recovery become burned out, complacent, disillusioned and give in to the so-called “inevitability of addiction relapse”?

-  How does an addict in recovery move from “sobriety” to a “real and lasting change” of mind and heart? 

Learn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program—"Dare to Connect!" You have live access to Mark and Steve in 3 one-hour sessions every week—addicts, spouses and couples! And live support groups on weekends, facilitated by Mark and Steve! To try a free, 2-week trial, visit—daretoconnectnow.com

Find out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension Counseling

Learn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services  

The partners of sex/porn addicts can find it difficult or near impossible to discern whether or not their partner is still "stuck in addiction" or in actual "real recovery." Here's how a PBSE listener describes this frustrating, painful experience—

1 year ago, iIfound my husband of almost 25 years has been addicted to porn our whole marriage and he had racked up  tens of thousands in debt that included monthly subscriptions for Viagra, for cam girls and gambling. He has struggled with ED for the last 10 years and always gaslit me into thinking it was“I made him nervous” about performing. I begged him to tell me what was going on, but he denied all. I have known about his porn use but did not know anything about PIED [porn-induced erectile dysfunction] and had no idea he was depending on Viagra to be able to have sex with me. For a while after D-Day [disclosure day] he was able to perform without Viagra, but the last 6 months , we are back to ED. He denies using porn. But besides listening to your podcast, he has done nothing for true recovery. No program, no groups, no CSAT , no disclosure, etc. He says has not slipped once with porn or masturbation but i find it hard to believe this “white knuckling” approach is that successful. He just admitted this year to being molested by a neighbor boy at a young age, but refuses to talk to anyone other than me. His parents knew about it but never discussed it. I believe this is why he struggles with being emotionally unavailable and has used porn to numb his pain. He has gotten emotional once with me, but mostly is closed off to emotion. I know he needs to be the one to decide to truly lean into recovery. But since you are the ONLY people he listens to, can you do a podcast on what true recovery is - that it’s not just avoiding porn. I don’t want to leave him - but I’m pretty sure I’m standing in the middle of a volcano that will eventually explode again without help. Thank you for being the one guidance we have.

In this episode, Mark and Steve talk raw and real about what keeps us stuck in addiction and what REAL recovery actually looks like.

Learn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program—"Dare to Connect!" You have live access to Mark and Steve in 3 one-hour sessions every week—addicts, spouses and couples! And live support groups on weekends, facilitated by Mark and Steve! To try a free, 2-week trial, visit—daretoconnectnow.com

Find out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension Counseling

Learn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services 

Mark & Steve rarely address issues with kids and teens on PBSE podcast. However, two PBSE listeners submitted questions in this area. One is in addiction recovery and wants to know HOW to help his three young children (one more on the way) grow up to be sexually healthy adults who are not "set up" for addiction. The other listener, also in recovery, has a 16-year-old son who recently admitted to being caught up in porn since age 12. How can he best help his son?

In this episode, Mark and Steve offer some straight-forward advice on HOW to raise sexually healthy kids and help those already struggling.

Learn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program—"Dare to Connect!" You have live access to Mark and Steve in 3 one-hour sessions every week—addicts, spouses and couples! And live support groups on weekends, facilitated by Mark and Steve! To try a free, 2-week trial, visit—daretoconnectnow.com

Find out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension Counseling

Learn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services

This is a special podcast and the first of its kind here at PBSE. In this episode, PBSE Co-Founder Steve Moore, goes “solo” and talks raw and real about how, in October, he celebrated 8 years of total sobriety from porn and sex addiction! Steve shares the incredible recovery lessons he’s learned along the way and HOW you can be SUCCESSFUL!

Learn more about Mark and Steve's revolutionary online porn/sexual addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing program—"Dare to Connect!" You have live access to Mark and Steve in 3 one-hour sessions every week—addicts, spouses and couples! And live support groups on weekends, facilitated by Mark and Steve! To try a free, 2-week trial, visit—daretoconnectnow.com

Find out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension Counseling

Learn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services

Here's an article with some practical tips on HOW to STOP watching porn—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/post/how-can-i-stop-watching-porn

The problem— 

Addicts—tuned out; numbed out; in-denial; lack emotional “wholeness” skills; the opposite of mindfulness is the state of compulsion/addiction; truthful vs. hiding; open vs. isolated; confront vs. escape and avoid; resilient vs. fragile;  reality vs. fantasy; imposter vs. true/higher self

Partners—In survival mode; trying to make it thru the day; intrusive thoughts; difficulty trusting anyone, including themselves; their own internal “gut” is compromised; living reactively rather than proactively; defense mechanisms are compromising their authenticity, which then leads to self-betrayal.

An integral part of the solution:  Journaling—

- Forces us to slow down and examine before reacting

- Crucible for practicing self-examination, authenticity, vulnerability, accountability, etc.,  free from self-judgment and judgment from others.

- Preparation tool for connection (i.e., Couples Check-ins)

How?

- Unfiltered; for your eyes-only; no journaling for "posterity;" not rushed.

- A little bit each day is MUCH better than a lot once a week.

- Use the S.O.A.P. method to guide your journaling.


Learn more about Mark and Steve's new online program—"Dare to Connect!" You have live access to Mark and Steve three times a week--addicts, spouses and couples! Visit—daretoconnectnow.com

Find out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension Counseling

Learn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services

Here's an article about how to HEAL from Betrayal Trauma—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/healing-betrayal-trauma-video

To learn more about HOW to overcome porn and sex addiction, check out this article—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/overcome-porn-sex-addiction

Matthias Barker has blown up on the internet and for a good reason. The Psychotherapist offers crazily insightful, poignant and meaningful content in bite sized bits on IG and TikTok. He has popularized content that helps people process grief, anxiety, doubts and learn new strategies for thriving in their relationships and family. He's remarkably well read and a quick listen will show you why this man has millions of followers. 

There are MANY reasons the ego-addict part of the brain convinces us that we are entitled to escape into our addiction outlets. These can include:  I'm not getting enough sex from my spouse; I have no other way to cope with hard things; Every guy does this to some level; I've tried to quit a thousand times and it's impossible–I've resigned myself to it; You all expect too much of me–you don't want me to have a normal life; I need to be free to just be me . . . and the list goes on and on.

The question is—"Do you truly want to break out of the entitlement an d excuses that are enabling your addiction behaviors and keeping you stuck?  In this episode, Mark and Steve talk raw and real about their own experiences with "entitlement" and the first steps to breaking free.

Learn more about Mark and Steve's new online program—"Dare to Connect!" You have live access to Mark and Steve three times a week--addicts, spouses and couples! Visit—daretoconnectnow.com

Find out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension Counseling

Learn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services

Want to learn more about how to move out of "toxic sex" in a marriage relationship and into "True Intimacy"?—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/true-intimacy-vs-sex-in-marriage

In this episode, Mark and Steve address a common question submitted by a PBSE listener—

I have listened to many episodes of your podcast. They have all been very helpful. My question is: Do you consider every man who views porn an “addict” or “sex addict?” My husband confessed to viewing pornography (no other acting out) for the last two and a half years. He can describe the events that led him to cross that line in our marriage. He has told me on two different occasions that he was tempted and was able to identify the feelings that triggered him for both times. I’m in a support group with other women and most of their husbands were addicted to porn as a teenager and brought it into the marriage and have been viewing porn for 10, 20, 30 years. I know that my husband could slip or relapse. I’m just wondering if you ever encounter clients who get sucked into porn through a stressful time but sought help early enough, say a year or two. Would they be considered addicts as well? I am assuming since porn is addicting that could be the case? Thank you both for your dedication to the podcast and the topic of pornography.

Here are just a few of the things Mark and Steve discuss—

• What IS the Definition of Porn/Sex Addiction?
• Addiction is a spectrum - not an on-or-off switch
• What are the consequences/outcomes of addiction?

How to determine if he is an addict and the depth of his addiction—

• What level of insight/vulnerability does he display?
• What is he doing (ongoing) to cope with difficult feelings and emotions?
• What is his level of reactivity?
• What does his capacity to empathize look like?
• Is he present/engaged in sex?
• How open/safe do you feel with him? 
• Are you comfortable asking him hard questions?

Learn more about Mark and Steve's new online program—"Dare to Connect!" You have live access to Mark and Steve three times a week--addicts, spouses and couples! Visit—daretoconnectnow.com

Find out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension Counseling

Learn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services

Here's an article that can help you learn more about HOW the brain works in sex/porn addition and HOW to set healthy boundaries in recovery—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/brain-science-porn-sex-addiction

When it comes to daily life and being subjected to a "sexualized culture," what are the "healthy boundaries" in sex/porn addiction recovery?

What can/should an addict-in-recovery STOP doing in "regular" life? What is too strict or too lax?

When does an addict cross the line into rationalization, minimization and denial?

How do we "collaborate" on this as a couple?

When and how can we start to integrate ourselves back into regular, normal life—or can we ever do that!

In this episode, Mark and Steve answer these tough questions and more.

 Learn more about Mark and Steve's new online program—"Dare to Connect!" You have live access to Mark and Steve three times a week--addicts, spouses and couples! Visit—daretoconnectnow.com

Find out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension Counseling

Learn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services

Here's an article that can help you learn more about HOW the brain works in sex/porn addition and HOW to set healthy boundaries in recovery—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/brain-science-porn-sex-addiction

When we rely on "sheer motivation" to break out of porn addiction, this will easily plunge us into a pit where we become stuck in "emotional wallowing."' Then to escape the wallowing, we move back into addiction outlets—and the "wallowing cycle" spins around and around.

In this episode, Mark and Steve guide listeners in HOW to move out of emotional wallowing and into Vision and Meaning.

Learn more about Mark and Steve's new online program—"Dare to Connect!" You have live access to Mark and Steve three times a week--addicts, spouses and couples! Visit—daretoconnectnow.com

Find out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension Counseling

Learn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services

Here's a great article on the "Brain Science" behind porn and sex addiction—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/brain-science-porn-sex-addiction

Here's an article about healing Betrayal Trauma—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/healing-betrayal-trauma-video

Want to learn more about HOW to break free from porn?—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/overcome-porn-sex-addiction

Wondering if your marriage can survive porn and sex addiction? This article will give you some hope—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/can-marriage-survive-porn

A podcast listener asked about her husband's risky, bizarre, self-centered sexual behaviors; his Erectile Dysfunction; and how these are related to his porn/sex addiction.

In this episode Mark and Steve talk raw and real about these issues. They relate this to their own experiences with addiction and the many clients they've worked with over the decades. They discuss:

-  How porn/sex addiction radically alters the "Arousal Template" resulting in a dramatic impact on healthy sexuality.

-  Unaltered by extreme outside influences, a healthy Arousal Template represents our "sexual authenticity."

-  Is our Arousal Template formed by nature or nurture?

-  How can changes in the Arousal Template lead to Erectile Dysfunction?

-  Can one's Arousal Template be changed in positive ways? If so, HOW?


Learn more about Mark and Steve's new online program—"Dare to Connect!" You have live access to Mark and Steve three times a week--addicts, spouses and couples! Visit—daretoconnectnow.com

Find out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension Counseling

Learn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services

In this episode, Mark and Steve address a recent question by a listener—a very honest, legitimate, excellent question—

"Hi there, my recovering spouse and I LOVE your podcasts.  it has brought us closer through sharing our thoughts on episodes. One thing I would love to hear your take on as a betrayed spouse is how on earth do you as an addict keep those images and thoughts of porn and past sexual encounters out of your head on a daily basis? I would think it would be really easy to "reminisce" and have no one be the wiser. "

How can a recovering addict and a healing spouse DEAL with his inevitable sexual thoughts and fantasies in a HEALTHY WAY?


Find out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension Counseling

Learn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services

Here's a great article on the "Brain Science" behind porn and sex addiction—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/brain-science-porn-sex-addiction

Here's an article about healing Betrayal Trauma—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/healing-betrayal-trauma-video

Want to learn more about HOW to break free from porn?—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/overcome-porn-sex-addiction

Wondering if your marriage can survive porn and sex addiction? This article will give you some hope—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/can-marriage-survive-porn

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With so many dominant influences from Hollywood, the mainstream media, pornography and the role models we were raised with, there's a LOT of confusion about what it really means to "man-up." It's NOT the "macho/sexual-prowess" stereotype the culture often tends to promote.   

In this episode, Mark and Steve talk open and real about their own experiences as men and their work with men across the world.

A man's strength has NOTHING to do with being "weakness-free." It has EVERYTHING to do with being willing to VULNERABLY face weaknesses, OWN them and learn how to move THROUGH them to become stronger. It's all about steadily and progressively stepping to one's highest and best self as a man.

Find out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension Counseling

Learn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services

Here's an article about healing Betrayal Trauma—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/healing-betrayal-trauma-video

Want to learn more about HOW to break free from porn?—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/overcome-porn-sex-addiction

Wondering if your marriage can survive porn and sex addiction? This article will give you some hope—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/can-marriage-survive-porn

How can you "heal" your marriage relationship?—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/how-to-mend-your-marriage

This episode starts with Mark and Steve getting super raw about how lying was a big part of their addiction years and early recovery.

-  There are MANY "layers of lies" that can be obvious or very subtle; active lies or passive ones.

-  Why do addicts tell lies? And why do spouses often have struggles being totally open and blunt about what they're feeling and thinking?

-  Why is dishonesty SO devastating to a marriage relationship?

-  HOW can we make the shift into total honesty, transparency and authenticity?


Find out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension Counseling

Learn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services


Why FULL disclosure is CRITICAL to your Marriage Success:  https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/no-more-secrets-in-your-marriage

Learn why his porn addiction and the Betrayal Trauma it brings is NOT YOUR FAULT—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/his-porn-addiction-not-your-fault

How can you "heal" your marriage relationship?—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/how-to-mend-your-marriage

This episode is "Part Two" of the interview with Todd, a former Mark and Steve client, who tells his raw and real story of recovery from Sex and Porn Addiction.

In this second half of the interview, Todd talks about how he moved from "ME" in addiction to "WE" in real recovery—How to shift your attitude from "me-centered" to "we-centered" and build the support network that is CRUCIAL to lasting recovery.

Find out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension Counseling

Learn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services

Want to learn more about HOW to break free from porn?—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/overcome-porn-sex-addiction

Wondering IF you have an actual "porn addiction"?—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/are-you-addicted-to-porn

Ever wonder WHY LDS men suffer so much shame from porn use?—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/lds-porn-addiction-help

Todd, a former Mark and Steve client, tells his raw and real story of recovery from Sex and Porn Addiction.

Todd also talks about how being convinced from a young age that he had to "earn love," was a BIG part of what led him to and kept him trapped in addiction!

Tune in next week for "Part Two"!


Find out more about Steve Moore at:  Ascension Counseling

Learn more about Mark Kastleman at:  Reclaim Counseling Services

Want to learn more about HOW to break free from porn?—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/overcome-porn-sex-addiction

Wondering IF you have an actual "porn addiction"?—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/are-you-addicted-to-porn

Ever wonder WHY LDS men suffer so much shame from porn use?—https://www.reclaimcounselingservices.com/lds-porn-addiction-help