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    02. Self Awareness is the First Step Toward Effective Leadership

    enMay 15, 2019
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    About this Episode

    On today’s Shine podcast, Carley Hauck is joined by Scott Kriens, chairman and former CEO of Juniper Networks, who founded 1440 Mulitversity with his wife Jonie in 2010.

     

    In this interview, Scott speaks to how self awareness supports authentic leadership and aligning with what matters. Scott speaks about being a learner and a builder, committed to finding new ways to tie the world around us to that which is real and powerful within us – whether for the purpose of building teams as a leader in the tech industry or simply as an advocate for the path to living lives of true resonance.

     

    Key Takeaways:

    [:04] Carley Hauck introduces herself as the founder of Living Well Awake, the new Shine podcast, and her upcoming new book — Shine- Ignite your inner game to lead consciously at work and in the world, available March 2020.

    [2:02] Carley introduces Scott Kriens founder of 1440 Multiversity, a whole-self retreat business in California, who shares his motivation for building his company.

    [8:33] Sustainability is a focus and a passion at 1440, and it shows in the meals they serve their guests.

    [10:40] Reasons that the practices of well-being and meditation are essential components of being an effective leader.

    [14:07] Leading the 1440 staff with authenticity starts with the belief that everyone has equal value and meaningful contributions to make.

    [18:22] Creating a culture of safety and vulnerability starts with the leader of the group, and inviting feedback is a perfect first step to modeling safe vulnerability in leadership.

    [26:09 Supporting empowerment means delegating tasks and imparting responsibility and respect to all members of your organization.

    [33:36] For Scott, authenticity requires discovering the ‘self behind the wall’ and honestly identifying areas that can benefit from attention and improvement.

    [39:42] Cultivating an awareness of ‘what is really real’ and examining the results of being willing to speak the answers out loud.

    [43:13] What is the call to future leaders to affect positive change in the business in the world?

    [45:30] A vision for the future of a growing, sustainable, safe-haven company like 1440.

    [51:11] A call to action — find a pause in your day to unplug and tune in to cultivate greater self awareness.

     

    Resources:

    Living Well Awake Website

    Shine- Ignite your inner game at work and in the world by Carley Hauck

    www.livingwellawake.com/developingpeople

    Carley Hauck on Instagram

    Carley Hauck on LinkedIn

    1440.org

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    IMPERFECT SHOWNOTES:

    Carley Hauck  0:11  
    Hi, my name is Carley Hauck and I am host of the shine podcast. This podcast has been flickering strong since May 2019. I began the podcast due to all the research I was conducting. In interviews with organizational leaders, lead scientists, academic researchers and spiritual teachers for my new book shine, ignite your inner game to lead consciously at work in the world. I wrote my book to inspire a new paradigm of conscious leadership and business that was in service of higher purpose to help humans flourish, and regenerate our planet. The podcast focuses on the science and application of conscious inclusive leadership, the recipe for high performing teams and awareness practices that you can cultivate to be the kind of leader our world needs now. I will be facilitating two to three episodes a month. And before I tell you about the theme of our season, please go over to Apple podcasts, hit the subscribe button on shine or go to your favorite podcast platform carrier. That way you don't miss one episode. Thank you. This season is going to be focused on what leadership skills are most needed to create a healthy organizational culture. Leadership and manager effectiveness has been deemed the number one priority for HR in 2023. And every person listening whether you have a formal leadership title or not, you are a leader. We all have the responsibility to lead around something that we care about whether it's at home, with our family, in our communities, and or in the workplace. And on to the podcast. Hi, Shine podcast listeners, I am delighted to be with my friend Coco brown. This is going to be an incredible conversation. Hi, Coco. Hi. So great to have you here. Thanks for being with me.

    Coco Brown  2:33  
    I'm excited to be here. Thanks for having me here.

    Carley Hauck  2:36  
    You're so welcome. Well, I know a lot about you. But for our listeners, tell me a little bit about what you're feeling excited about. And perhaps even just sharing some of the roles that you wear from, you know, daughter to mother to CEO any identity identities that you want to share?

    Coco Brown  3:00  
    No, okay. Yeah, I, let's see my identity start with mother. I think within that identity, my biggest complaint from my kids about me is that I inhabit a seven year old mind maybe at the wrong times. I I'm playful and fun. And I like to I like to be young. And I'm trying to I think I'm trying to hold my kids back in that in that younger age. They're now in there. They're 22 and, and almost 19 So you know, my kids are growing older than me, I guess is what I'm saying. So, but they're my obsession, and I'm old by life and I'm a neighbor and Family is very important to me. Communities important to me. My my parents are are 3000 miles away from me. So as a woman in her early 50s I our mid 50s, mid mid early 50s. Now I worry about aging parents and I worry about kids launching into this crazy world. So those are that's I guess me personally, I I'm a potter. Not a great one, but a decent one. So I make pottery I am obsessed with pickleball although I've only played it a few times, and I play the beach volleyball as often as I can. And then on the work side of me. I am a fourth time entrepreneur. I have in one of those cases the very first one when I was in my early 20s. I created a product I couldn't take anywhere other than to sell it to another company. So and in the process. I talked to one on one venture capital firm, which is never advised you're supposed to talk to a lot of them and then As I became as Satya Nadella says a re founder, I became the second owner or sorry, the third owner of a company that needed to be pulled the Phoenix pulled from the ashes as it crashed in the.com bust and became really a shell of its former self. And I became the turnaround leader of that company and then ran it for about 10 years and grew it to a size where it could be sold. It was eventually sold to IBM. And my third entrepreneurial endeavor was really around, building a consulting practice and working with CEOs to build advisory boards for them and lead their annual and quarterly strategy planning sessions and help them build their teams cohesiveness. That was a lot of fun for a little while. And then I started Athena Alliance, and that is my, my passion. My kids are my obsession and my Athena's the passion project. I am growing Athena, which is an ecosystem of community content and coaching for executive women.

    Carley Hauck  6:07  
    Mm hmm. Amazing. Well, I didn't know about the Potter or the pickleball fan. But yes, I did know about the four time entrepreneur and I'm just amazed at your energy, Coco. And so do you want to share a little bit more about why you launched Athena? And why that is so important right now?

    Coco Brown  6:35  
    Yeah, I, you know, Athena has many mothers in a lot of ways. Athena has started in 2005, which is almost 20 years ago. Because I was finding myself in more and more high stakes environments as the President CEO of of Taos, I was walking into rooms where people had chief titles, and they were our customers. And I would run into women. Our customer was the CIO. So on the tech side, and I'd run into women, and they'd say, I'm the only one, you know, I'm the only CIO in the valley and, and it started, I started a dinner group to get us together, because there were more than just one. And I happen to keep running into the others. And there were about eight of us at the time. And so and I know there were more than eight, but eight is what I started with, and, and that grew and grew and grew and 10 years into it 2015, I had 80 Some women and by sorry, by 2012, I had 80 Some women, and by 2015, it was 157 women. And in 2012, I stepped down from running Taos, and it had been 10 years. And I stayed on the board two years. But I had a lot that I was trying to figure out. And these women who had been my, my, I don't know, what would you call it, that there was just like this nice place to go every two months where we'd have dinner and cocktails together. And we didn't talk about you know, woe is me, it's hard to be a woman or you know, we talked about our data center strategies and business continuity planning and network, you know, redesigns and that sort of thing. But it was this nice, easy place to be having those work discussions and, and that group of women said to me, when I when I was leaving everything behind, after so many years of being in the tech world, they said Don't leave us behind. And the many mothers became, you know, really evident. In the early days back in 2005, I think it was sunny as a day who suggested that I even start the dinner in the first place. And then Thomas tam Oliver, who said, I used to have these back in, in the 90s. And these dinners I called the no name group and you know, so I got inspiration from others. And in 2012, when I was walking away from the tech world for what I didn't, you know, I didn't know how long I was walking away from it. Gina Ray Haig said, don't stop the dinners, I'll pay for the first one. And then Cindy Reese said, I'll pay for the second one. And, you know, we we just kept going and, and then I got this mandate, you know, almost a flurry of emails. And after a group of us met with Senator Mark Warner, who was out from Virginia doing a hearts and minds tour, and he, you know, he said, what's on your mind and somebody said boardroom and I got a flurry of email the next day emails the next day saying that's it, Coco. You heard what was being said in that room. You know, we've got to get women on boards and you've got the ecosystem go solve this problem. And so it sort of started with me solving a problem. And starting it as a nonprofit and getting you know, we've got over 450 women to boards and then figuring out a commercial company that became even bigger than that.

    Carley Hauck  9:49  
    Amazing. Well, I love hearing that story. And I know that we're gonna we're gonna go more in depth in into why it's important to have women on boards and and women in leadership, but I want to move into how you're leading yourself. And also did just speak more into conscious leadership because I know we're both really passionate about that topic. So as I've gotten to know you, you seem to be juggling so many things. And what I always notice every time we talk is that you feel at least from the outside, calm, grounded, you may not feel like that on the inside, but you present that way. And I think there's this this quality of I don't, I don't know how you do it. But it's like, I never hear you frazzled. Even if you haven't eaten anything all day, which sometimes I've talked to you like, Yeah, I haven't eaten anything all day. I was just thinking

    Unknown Speaker  10:48  
    that I actually haven't eaten today, and I'm really hungry.

    Carley Hauck  10:51  
    Oh, no, oh, no. Okay, well, but I want you to eat. worry, don't worry. But I guess what I'm wondering is, I know that there are certain things that you're doing and being that are actually really supporting you to thrive in the midst of all the things that you're juggling. And so what are some of those things that really support you? And what is it look like on a daily practice?

    Coco Brown  11:23  
    I mean, one of the things I think about all the time, and I kind of think my kids for this, when my kids were born, I immediately started thinking about when they would leave the house, you know, like, I'm gonna lose them, you know, and this is like, 22 years ago, and I just was always so aware of, of the moment like feeling like I was going to, you're going to look back on these this time, Koko, you're going to, you know, and just always wanting to make sure that I didn't miss a moment and, and that, I'm really glad that that was my, that that happened to me, because it puts you in a frame of mind whenever possible, sometimes it's not possible to be your best self. But whenever possible, it puts you in a frame of mind to say, how can you make the most of this rather than why is this crappy? And, you know, so you just like, well, she wants to play Barbies again, and then you go, okay, how can I make this fun for me, and you just sort of try to find the ways to make everything meaningful, and to find the meaning and the things that are happening and to make the most of it, and to not focus so much on the complaint, but rather focus on the opportunity. And, and I think I, I went through a phase where I was really not happy for a long time of not at my end home, I you know, loved that part of it. But we spend more time at work than we do at home and I I was not enjoying for a long time, my sense of purpose in work, and I didn't feel I had a sense of purpose. And in work the, the main objective of the company was to enrich the shareholders, of which there were three, myself and two others. And in IT tech, and it was before the days of, you know, purpose and culture and, and so you could have big personalities that were difficult to deal with. And that was more than accepted. It was praised in lots of ways and, and, you know, you didn't have to have any reason for, for what you were doing on the planet. And, and I like this new place that we are as, you know, we can choose as individuals, not everybody works at a place where they feel valued, or feel that there's purpose or meaning or impact, but I do and I choose to and the people that work around me choose to and I think most of us can choose to I think we often feel stuck, you know, when I'm in my day to day when I'm back to back of meetings, and I've got too much going on and I'm feeling exhausted and everything's blowing up and it's nothing's going right. And I can't get people to do what they're supposed to don't do, even though I've said it seven different ways and all the things that we deal with. Then, you know, I kind of I tried to remind myself that I choose to be here and that I can also only focus on what I can influence and what I can control. We control very, very little. We influence a lot more and so you know, how do you convey influence and so I you know, it's kind of a long winded I don't know how to fully answer this question. Well, other than to say,

    Carley Hauck  14:56  
    what I actually here is and this is this is One of the nine leadership competencies that I have really researched as part of what actually creates a conscious, inclusive leader. But one of that one of those competencies is having a growth mindset. And I heard you say it, you know, very explicitly, how can I choose to make this, you know, joyful? Or how can I choose to have fun here? Or what, you know, instead of how is this happening? Or why is this happening to me? How is this happening for me? And how do I want to respond?

    Coco Brown  15:34  
    Yeah, yeah, yes. And I think that's, that's extremely important in in every surgery,

    Carley Hauck  15:41  
    for sure. Wonderful. Well, thank you. Thank you for sharing that. And so that is a daily practice having that mantra, we could say, or that narrative that allows you to bring your best to every moment, even when it's a difficult moment.

    Unknown Speaker  15:58  
    Yeah, absolutely.

    Carley Hauck  16:01  
    Thank you. I wanted to talk to you about a conscious leader that you've had in your life. Who was that person? Why would you call them a conscious leader? Like how did they empower you or support you or inspire you? How many more?

    Coco Brown  16:22  
    You know, I in my own career,

    I don't, I feel like the the person I've witnessed as the most conscious leader is, is someone I didn't actually work for or work directly with. So no, maybe that's

    Carley Hauck  16:40  
    a little rose colored glasses. And that's fine.

    Coco Brown  16:44  
    Yeah, so So a woman I'm a big fan of named Yvonne Watson, our associates. So just a quick on her, she, you know, early career at Accenture, or then ended up in a very, very important strategy role at VMware, and then ended up the CIO of New Relic. And then she ended up the CEO of Airware, and then CEO of puppet and she was on my board for a short time when I was for a nonprofit, prior to Athena. So we did work together in that sense. She's one of the mothers of Athena, you know, a lot of early, early insights came from her, the thing I would say, that I admire about her that I see in lots of different I see her and in many different situations, we ended up speaking on stages near each other, or at the same events, or, you know, so she's on a number of prominent boards at this point, she is always measured, and there's a lot of people who are measured. Because they're calculating, you know, the, the measurement is around, like, the calculation for how they can get what they're looking for. And her measurement is much more about, it seems to me, you know, very practiced and very skilled. So it's something she's developed over a lifetime, but it feels to me like it's the kind of thing where she's being thoughtful. She's just always being thoughtful, you know, what are you saying, Why are you saying it? What can come from it? How can I make it work for everyone? You know, you almost see, it's like, you can't, she's like a hummingbird with the hummingbird wings there. It's moving so fast, you can't see it, or move. But the things that come out of her mouth, make it clear that she's being measured, that she's thoughtful, I get a lot of inspiration from her. Because when I watch her, and I listen to her, and the stories she tells or the way she plays things back to people, it's always it's always plus one, it's always additive. You know, it's always contributing, it's never taking away.

    Carley Hauck  18:56  
    I love that. So measured, thoughtful, contributing, not taking away. You also said that she's always thinking about, perhaps why she's saying it. Versus just talking to talk. You know, there's, there's a way that she's more deliberate and intentional. You give me an example of an unconscious leader, and what qualities did they showcase? How did that impact you or other people? Even if this is someone that you maybe didn't know, closely?

    Coco Brown  19:34  
    Well, I mean, I think I think I would be arrogant to say that it isn't myself. You know, I think we're all unconscious leaders at some point. You know, we're like, Ah, why did I say that? Or? I know I shouldn't say this, but I'm going to say it anyway. It's almost like it just comes out and you just refuse to stop yourself. And you know, and you know, you can do better and you should do better. And you know, you know, you, instead of sending that email, you should pick up that phone. And instead of, you know, sending the subtle reprimand, you should once again say the thing that will be better received. And, and so I think the unconsciousness is when we're, when we act out of exhaustion, and when we act out of our own fear, you know, or our sense of like, Ah, I don't have time for this, or, you know, those sorts of feelings that we we have

    Carley Hauck  20:37  
    were triggered, right? Yeah, I think what you're speaking to, to some extent, is we're being triggered. Yeah, acting from that place, it's reactive versus responsive.

    Coco Brown  20:47  
    And it's extremely hard to be constantly in a state of, and this is why I admire, you know, Yvonne, it's like, I feel like she's, and I know, she also has hers where she, you know, she's not her best self, I'm sure. Of course, and I see so much more of the best self all the time and the thoughtful self. And, and I think that's what we strive for is like just giving ourselves a breath, not saying the thing that we want to say, because we know that even if it has the right effect, in the moment, it has the right the wrong longer term effect, just stopping ourselves from, from the bad behaviors that are so instinctual that our own self protection or fastest way to a response we want, even though it's not the best way to the response that you want, things like that.

    Carley Hauck  21:42  
    Thank you for that. I wanted to speak to some of the unconscious qualities that we all have, I agree, like, and then there are some that are even more harmful than others. And so I was actually having an interview with a colleague and friend of mine who wrote this book managing up. And we were speaking a bit about some of the research that has come out from basically reporting to a unconscious leader. And there has been found to be five to six years of time to recover emotionally, psychologically, from that trauma. And when I think about what's been happening in the world, and what will continue to happen, I feel concerned that our workplaces are not trauma informed. When we think about what's happening in Israel and Palestine, when we think about all the people that have died in the Ukraine, when we think about the climate related traumas that will happen as we have more fires and water shortages, and people are displaced from their homes, I'm bringing these two together when we think about unconscious leaders and trauma, because in my experience, a lot of unconscious leaders are acting from trauma, they're not getting the resources that they need. Or they're not even really aware that they have this deeper trauma to to work on. And so I wanted to get your opinion on one, how do we really inform our workplaces around trauma, so that HR professional so that the C suite is availing people of resources to get the healing to get the help? But also, what does it look like to remove a people leader who is creating so much trauma to everyone else in the organization, we remove them from being a leader of people to potentially working in some other skill set that is not influencing and managing so many people? So there's kind of two questions in there. What do you think about

    Coco Brown  24:11  
    I think on the, on the, on the sort of global traumas, you know, the, the, the things that we look at and affect us at a societal level, the job of the employer, the job of the leaders, is to understand how that is affecting the workforce and to be thoughtful about response. You know, I'm thinking about things like, you know, George, George Floyd and how much good, good response came out of that, but then also feels performative if it's not genuine and long lasting. And so I think there's an obligation in leadership to be be very thoughtful about what kinds of societal level impact the company can take on because at the same at the same time the company is running a business. So, you know, at the societal impact, where you're talking about an entire race of people that are everywhere around you, it does impact every single business at a societal impact where we're talking about a war in, in Europe, the Ukraine, it, it's societally traumatic and, and devastating at a business level. The question is, is this impacting our, our business? Our employees? You know, do we have Ukrainian employees who have, who are over there or have relatives or, you know, sort of being sensitive to the level of impact to the business and how that and what people need to be feel supportive? Supported. But one thing i i take a little bit of issue with any sort of sentiment that, that that implies that businesses have to take it all on? Because I don't think that that's fair, I think that a business is a business and at the end of the day, it has to make money or nobody gets paid, right. And so, it, it does need to be able to function, move on appropriately respond, and then be able to move on. And I think that is a tricky thing for us to figure out together. And I think we're really early days and in figuring that out. But but I think on the second layer question where you're where it's immediate, where the trauma that's being caused is, because of the behaviors of people at work, that trauma, you know, that's within the four walls of the business. And that's within the business's control. It's not just even influence, it's like, you've got a, you've got a leader here who's causing horrific experiences for the people around them. And they walk home depressed, and they walk home angry, and they want, you know, like, Whatever, whatever that that is happening, they feel depleted, they feel at least, then I do think that the business has an obligation to address that and figure that out. Like, it's not enough. sponsibility. Yeah, it's not enough to say that, well, that leader produces, their team is producing, they're getting the results, right, like, well, at what cost? Are they getting results? And are those results sustainable? And on a basic human level? Why do you want that, like, there's other people who can perform and get results that aren't also destroying everything in their path.

    Carley Hauck  27:49  
    And we know that there are a lot of leaders that are left in those people positions, you know, even very high up in the C suite that are not being held accountable. And again, you know, in my experience working with lots of leaders and studying this, they are leading from trauma that they're not actually getting the help for, and people are not, again, feeling empowered enough to really know how to navigate that. And so that's, that's where my interest in having HR leaders and whatnot, really being more informed on trauma, like what are the signs, how do we bring awareness to it? How do we hold it accountable? How do we help people get the healing that they need so that it isn't creating this toxic work environment for so many. And as you said, we spend the majority of our time at work. And research also shows that the two people that have the biggest influence on our psychological and emotional health is our boss and our partner at home.

    Coco Brown  28:54  
    Yes, so. Absolutely. Yeah, I think I do think that there's there are there are other things that also you know, sometimes it's not just it's not just the overt sort of bullying or bat, you know, sort of mean, mean behavior boss, it can be really deflating and super, I guess, deflating it to to work. Yeah, with an ineffective boss too. And I think that's the that's also you know, people want to be amazing, we all want to be amazing. We all want to do great stuff. We all want to be you know, contributing ways that make us feel like you know, like the kid who walked home with that little art project and you know, gives it to mom or dad for Valentine's Day like those the you want to feel amazing and that you're doing amazing things and that people love it and and so there's, you know, many ways I think leadership needs to be looked at and, and not just from the perspective of one person's point of view, but the entire or ecosystem around that leader is that leader effective is that leader, able to get great results out of a team that go beyond the things they're supposed to do to, you know, sort of the miracle moments that they can make. And that's about how, how leaders inspire others to take charge of themselves and self managing. Yeah, I, my, my chief of staff, I absolutely love her. She took me very seriously when I told her and she's, she's fast moving in our in our company, she's doing great. And when she first started working for me, I said, my two rules, time kills all deals, and it's better to ask forgiveness than permission. She went with it, right? And that was super like, she was like, yes. Awesome. And not everybody likes that. Right? But she was like, self empowered, and very confident and, you know, used to being able to figure things out so that those statements were really fabulous for her. They're fabulous for her and me in our dynamic, you know, though that same statement to somebody else might be exactly the wrong way to manage them and may not be the right management relationship. So I think no, no, it's a complex one here.

    Carley Hauck  31:22  
    Well, in your you know, I think the other piece around leadership is, especially in the midst of COVID. I believe that we are really reassessing what are the leadership competencies that we need now? What are the responsibilities we're putting on leaders? Is it too much? Are people even equipped to take on the responsibility of leadership? Just because they can be promoted doesn't mean that they should. And so I know, one of the things that you and I feel really passionate about is, how do we lead together? Because I do believe there is way too much responsibility on one leaders shoulders, and how are we empowering others to help us lead? What do you think about that leading together? How do you? How do we do? Yeah,

    Coco Brown  32:07  
    I think, Well, I think there's, I think there's a lot of that we're actually about to do a salon on we're about to do a salon on five generations, we're in the workforce, and we've got a silent generation, baby boomer, Gen X, or millennial, and Z. And we're talking about how do we work together. And I think this is kind of at that. The heart of that, like, I believe that the hero CEO CEO is no longer relevant either, if you're a leader is not relevant, like where, you know, you're bringing a lifetime of career wisdom and guidance. And so you know, the formula in your playbook that you've used over and over again, is the one you're going to apply again here. And it's that, you know, you've you've refined this playbook and so you come in, and this is what you do. Like, that's just not the right way to operate in today's world, I because too, there's too many complexities to the way people learn the way people communicate the way people take in information, you know, everything's so different now that you have to be able to collaborate as a leader and figure out who am I dealing with it because one size does not fit all. And, and therefore, your playbook also does not fit all, because to me, every single thing comes down to a people that I started and people I'm always in people, people is everything to me, I think it's you know, all about how you organize, organize and structure people is kind of the key to, to the product side of things and, and everything else. So So I think, you know, on that front, too, I've had my end Miss kind of reflects back to some of the other things we're talking about. I, I had a moment in time, a day, a day where my my husband asked me, he said, and you were really frustrated with, you know, whoever you were talking to, on on the phone and and, and in my own mind, I couldn't pinpoint the moment. So I was like, Oh my gosh, I've been frustrated all day. And you know, that was a long meeting. And I was like, Well, who was I talking to? He's like, I don't know. And it was, you know, maybe around 11 I couldn't quite figure out and then later that the next day, maybe it was my daughter said, Oh mom, you are really laying in on so and so you know on my team and I was like I did. I was like you're right. I did I really was. And so I went to my board. And I said hey, I think I need a CEO review and what's wrong with being and and they said, We don't want to be I don't want to be an asshole and I don't I don't want to be the frustrated leader who's you know, like I told you guys this before and so there's a problem right? There's the when when you feel like you're repeating yourself, you're like I I've said this before we've we've gone over this before, you know why can't I get through and you know, and no, we're not going to do that. And you know, when when you find yourself in this situation where you're like, why don't they understand? Or why can't they get it? Or why you know, which is, I think a lot of like a unidirectional leadership view. And so my point is, is that no matter where you sit in the organization, I sit at the top, there's always something around me that I can draw from and say, Okay, we're not, we're not doing this right together. And I'm a piece of that. How do I make this

    Carley Hauck  35:26  
    work? Well, right, what is the impact of me saying this having on this group, because for some reason, there isn't shared understanding or shared agreement on next steps? That's kind of what I'm hearing, right?

    Coco Brown  35:40  
    Yeah. And sometimes it's just, you know, we're all looking at an elephant and firmly believing that we're all talking about the foot right now and somebody else's when we're not talking about something else, and perhaps it's the hey, we're talking about the fact that the, you know, elephant is not ready. You know, we don't have not ready to go back in the wild, it's that we often think that things are more obvious than they are, and that they are easier to, to understand and come together and align on. And these things should be simple and formulaic. And it's just, it's complicated.

    Carley Hauck  36:15  
    So what would be the first step that C suite leaders and, you know, Chief People officers should be thinking about as far as strategy and creating a different infrastructure to empower people, leaders to lead together being met, you've worked in so many different functions within the organization? Yeah, would you say? What's the first step that they might want to start to think about and put in place?

    Coco Brown  36:47  
    I think that from, if it hasn't happened from the beginning, it should happen now. Which is, things trickle down from the top. And I think it's very important that the CEO and her team, and then the team below that, and then the team below that, and the team below that, they they're very articulate about what it means to funk to be high functioning together, and what kinds of things they accept, and don't accept and believe together, because collectively, we will all say the right things like, of course, you shouldn't do this, and you shouldn't do that. And if leadership really buys in at the top, then it can go to the next layer, and the next layer and a n, the people function can be the facilitators of that, you know, I think, when you have a leadership team at the top that is really aligned and clear on what it how it will and will behave and what it calls out and how it calls it out, and how it works together to shape and solve things, then they take that back to their team who can take it back to their team and the HR team that is often embedded in different parts of the organization can can reinforce that and, and, and help you the facilitators until they get there and things are muscle memory, I think I think I've always been my my greatest passion in the HR field has, and it's where I started was on the people management side of things on training, we would take our best engineers and make the managers and then they be horrible managers. And I would train them I'd sit with them while they did reviews and meetings and give them feedback and help them figure it out. And that's what I did in my in my 20s. And it was I had an instinct for it. I had a psychology degree, I think psychology is a really important feature of business that maybe we need more rigorous discipline around having psychic ability and understanding

    Carley Hauck  39:02  
    how to actually relate and communicate and collaborate. Right. Those are those are people skills, those are power skills. And that's again, why I was speaking to to the trauma piece because most people that are going through deeper training as I did, because I was trained as a therapist first before I went into coaching and l&d and organizational development is I worked with deeply traumatized populations for a long time. And that informs the foundation of everything else that I do. I agree with you. I think some deeper training is needed in the in the people function. And as we are coming more to a close, I wanted to just leave you with another question as we're thinking about, really this new paradigm, the opportunity the response It's ability to be conscious companies to have more conscious leadership competencies that we're training for that we're encouraging that we're holding you accountable? Where is the role of the woman in this, like these more maybe feminine qualities we can call them? Yeah.

    Coco Brown  40:23  
    Well, I think the feminine feminine qualities and business are gaining power, which is important, like you see, chief customer officer that didn't that role didn't even exist 10 years ago. And and it's a very important and powerful role within the business and chief marketing officers and the Human Resources Officer, Chief People officers moving out from under the CFO and having you know, they are the hero role of the last four year at

    Carley Hauck  40:53  
    the table. Yeah, they're, they're at the table.

    Coco Brown  40:55  
    It's their table, as someone said, it, you know, and so you see the roles that women have traditionally had more of a presence in the marketing, customer communications people, they are taking more and more leadership roles. And those roles are taking more and more power in the business, which, at an equal level, it's not to say that, like, the technology roles and whatnot are diminishing, it's just that the roles that have been thought of as the softer skill roles, the the people oriented roles are, are, are being valued at a different level than than they ever have been in the past. And that's, that's great. And, and that's the feminine coming into power in the workforce, whether it's a man or a woman running that role. And I think kind of going along with the no hero, CEO, individual CEOs are expected to take on the feminine and they're expected to be vulnerable and collaborative and communicative. And, you know, they're, they're expected to have these feminine qualities and in addition to the risk taking and the fight for

    Carley Hauck  42:08  
    the empathy, right, yeah, consider male qualities.

    Coco Brown  42:12  
    So you see that in a Satya Nadella versus a guy who came before him Scott Ballmer, super soft as an example.

    Carley Hauck  42:23  
    And it would make sense that having more women in board seats would also support more of that feminine coming through, and and making sure that the leaders that are put in those seats, are exemplifying more of these conscious leadership qualities, wouldn't you think?

    Coco Brown  42:44  
    Oh, yeah, definitely. I mean, I just as we value family structures that have multiple generations and genders and skill sets, we would never take that and say, you know, what the best structure is for just one gender to, you know, raise this child. With one point of view like that, it doesn't make any more sense in sort of a neighborhood family societal structure than it does in a business structure. It just, it just doesn't and, and then beyond that, women are just as capable as men and in every domain, and so there's no reason that we should be locked out. And and then we also come from perspective, if half of the population is female, that's half of your customer base to so in some form or fashion. And so, you know, you need to understand them. And that's a great reason to have them around the table.

    Carley Hauck  43:42  
    Mm hmm. Well, Coco, thank you so much for your thought leadership on all of these important and juicy topics. I also wanted to invite you to leave anything with our listeners, or is there is there a topic that we didn't cover that you'd like to share on right now?

    Coco Brown  44:02  
    Um, well, I, you know, we do a lot of work in this space. And one thing we've noticed, for sure is, women are not done yet. And I'm sure that's true about men too. But we spend a lot of time with women and women who have 2030, maybe even 40 year careers behind them, and they're looking at the next 1020 30 years and figuring out how they're going to build portfolios of impact. And I highly encourage, you know, anyone listening to check out Athena and look at our courses that we do unleash your impact and, and talk to us about, about how we support careers and we also support people leaders to bring cohorts to Athena and, and help them elevate their leadership, both male and female in this case, and so there's lots of we, we've we spend a lot of time on it. In the realm of elevating, supporting, advancing leadership and be happy to have your half the listeners, check us out.

    Carley Hauck  45:13  
    Definitely, yes, I wholeheartedly recommend Athena as a wonderful resource and network and community. One question that I was feeling curious about because I know that there are a lot of senior executives within Athena that are advising and or looking to get on boards. What advice would you give to a woman leader in her 30s or 40s, that wants to step into advising other companies? How early should she start? And what are the steps that she can take?

    Coco Brown  45:55  
    She should start the moment she starts her career in thinking about how far she can go and opening the aperture. Like the best way to create an incredible career that has lots of doors opening and paths that you can follow and opportunities ahead of when you even thought they would happen is by being curious. And by having a utility player mindset, you know, being very interested in the business, not just your function, your tower. And so the earlier you start that the bigger your career will become and and advisory work is a great way to, you know, to get into more of an understanding across a business. So I would say specifically, learn about the boardroom, learn about what happens there. As you find yourself if you start to find yourself in like, you know, director level senior director level, that's the time when you have to start looking left and right in the organization, you have to build strategic perspective, you have to have the utility player mindset, you have to start thinking about your career advancement, not in terms of just what's my next promotion, what's my next title? But how do I look left and right in my in the business and make myself relevant outside of my direct in impact, sort of the story I told earlier about how I got them to keep the San Francisco office open, right, that led to me becoming the VP of professional services at 20 years old, like it's, it's looking across the business is, is what's going to allow you to keep climbing and that's the same thing. And advisory work is if you're being asked to come in and advise a company because of a skill set you have, you know, use that opportunity to to look across the business and learn about it. Yeah, I can't say enough about getting started early and being curious.

    Carley Hauck  48:00  
    And then if that person did want to move into advising, let's say a startup, then how would they do that? Would they reach out to that startup? What What would you advise?

    Coco Brown  48:10  
    Build your network is my advice. I mean, you you know, join a community like Athena where you can get to know entrepreneurs and get to know investors and get to know the places you know, the people who can introduce you to founders and investors who would be looking for people who could provide guidance and advice. And as I was talking, I was on a panel two weeks ago with a with a guy who awesome guy who got his big big break and basically, board work and investing work and in in and advising work, because he was the buyer of a product zoom, which we all use. And he ended up on the advisory board of that company in the very early days advising the see. And you know, what, a big break, right? So you're, maybe you're in a buying position and in the roles that you're in and the companies that are coming and pitching their products to you. You can say you can say, Look, this product is not ready. It's not primetime for my company, but I want to advise you, I want to help you. I like what you're doing here. You know, I would, I would say, that's one way of networking into into that opportunity. But putting yourself in the ecosystem requires relationship building,

    Carley Hauck  49:38  
    and getting curious and learning. I hear that. Wonderful. Well, Coco, thank you so much for your time. We will leave show notes in order for people to find you on LinkedIn to look into Athena. And I just really appreciate your leadership and your contribution. Thank you so much.

    Unknown Speaker  49:59  
    Thank You.

    Carley Hauck  50:02  
    Wow, what a fabulous conversation. Some of the questions that Coco and I were trying to answer in this interview were, how do we lead together? What is the appropriate response in our complex world and workplace? How do we equip our leaders and ourselves with the skills and competencies to be effective to thrive, and to create high trust inclusive organizations that people want to stay in. If you want to connect more with cocoa or learn more about it, you know alliances, the links are in the show notes. And before we part, here are some high level takeaways that you can implement today. manage yourself, it is a complex time. And the more that we can cultivate the skills to increase our self awareness, self management, humility, and empathy, we will be the leaders that our world needs. Now, this is going to support more effective communication, collaboration, and resolution in the midst of conflict. And these typically are the biggest three people problems that I have seen. I call them the three C's manage down laterally and up with remote distributed workforce, we need to begin to have conversations that invite people to share the responsibility together. When decisions are made unilaterally, it increases a sense of inclusion and trust across the leadership team and the organization. How can we create self organizing teams, and really put in agreements and accountability to support us to lead together this is an area I feel super passionate about, I help senior leadership teams with this all the time. So if you need help, reach out, I am here. And then lastly, invest in learning and leadership development for everyone at the company. This is the best way we can establish more community and connection in these times. It also is going to make sure that everybody has the skills to collaborate, to communicate, and to find healthy resolution during conflict. A fina has resources in this domain. And I have focused my life on creating content courses at Stanford, and even finding metrics to really measure these really important skills. And I have found wonderful results with the leaders and the companies that I have had the privilege to exclusively partner with, we have found huge increases in important leadership competencies, increased retention, internal mobility, psychological safety. And if you want to learn more about some of my experience, Coco and I did a podcast interview earlier on in the season, which I will highlight in the show notes and it talks about what the leadership skills are needed to create a thriving and healthy organizational culture, and how I am your next great leadership hire to solve for this. Many folks are hiring for internal director and above and learning talent and leadership development. And this is the role that I am so excited to accept and to serve. I am interviewing right now. And I would love if you would consider me for any new opportunities that you are looking to fill before end of year. If you want to reach out to me find me on LinkedIn or go to my email, Carley at Carley helped.com. And I would love to set up a meeting with you or be introduced to somebody that you think would be a good fit. And lastly, for HR leadership and talent, as Coco and I talked about, it's really important that people but especially people leaders have the depth of knowledge around people. No, Coco said she studied psychology. So have I and my foundation was as a therapist. And so I worked for two, three years with different populations experiencing trauma. And we all have trauma. We have it individually, collectively and intergenerationally. And it is impacting the workforce. So if you want to have more resources around this topic, please reach out I'd be happy to help and I have wonderful connections in this space I can introduce you to if you enjoyed this episode, please share it with friends, family or colleagues. You can also give a five star rating to the shine podcast make sure that people find us You and I have some incredible interviews left throughout the season continue to tune in and until we meet again Viva light and shine your light

    Shine
    enNovember 01, 2023

    71. Mastering the Balance: Self-Management, Leading Together, and Courageous Leadership with Mary Abbajay & Carley Hauck

    71. Mastering the Balance: Self-Management, Leading Together, and Courageous Leadership with Mary Abbajay & Carley Hauck

    Description:

    How do we heal and transform society through conscious leadership?   

    Conscious leadership is a turning towards oneself and the questions of one's life.  A conscious leader asks what lines will I not cross ethically?  What really matters?  What is mine to guard and protect?  What is mine to heal and restore?  How can I be in service in society?   We can only become a conscious leader by developing the qualities on the inside that support conscious action on the outside.   In this podcast interview with my friend Mary Abijaay, you will learn the root cause of unconscious leadership, how to manage yourself in the face of unconscious leaders, how to manage up in the midst of difficulty, and what to pay attention to in yourself and others to determine how to achieve success with your boss at work.  

    Episode Links:

    Mary's Book

    Mary on LinkedIn

    From Triggered to Triumph- Team Experience with Carley

    How to Coach a Harmful and Unconscious Leader with Carley 

    Navigating Triggers Meditation with Carley

    Polyvagal Theory- How to Befriend Your Nervous System with Deb Dana 

    HBR Article- We need trauma informed Workplaces

    SHINE Links:

    Thank you for listening. Want to build a high trust, innovative, and inclusive culture at work? Sign up for our newsletter and get the free handout and be alerted to more inspiring Shine episodes 

    Building Trust Free Gift

    Carley Links:

    LinkedIn

    Consultation Call with Carley

    Book Carley for Speaking

    Leading from Wholeness Learning & Development

    Carley’s Book

    Executive Coaching with Carley

    Well Being Resources:

    Inner Game Meditations

    Inner Game Leadership Assessment

    Social: 

    LinkedIn

    IG

    Website

    Shine Podcast Page

    IMPERFECT SHOW NOTES

    Carley Hauck  0:10  
    Hi, my name is Carley Hauck and I am host of the shine podcast. This podcast has been flickering strong since May 2019. I began the podcast due to all the research I was conducting in interviews with organizational leaders, lead scientists, academic researchers and spiritual teachers for my new book shine, ignite your inner game to lead consciously at work in the world. I wrote my book to inspire a new paradigm of conscious leadership and business that was in service of higher purpose to help humans flourish, and regenerate our planet. The podcast focuses on the science and application of conscious inclusive leadership, the recipe for high performing teams and awareness practices that you can cultivate to be the kind of leader our world needs now. I will be facilitating two to three episodes a month. And before I tell you about the theme of our season, please go over to Apple podcasts, hit the subscribe button on shine or go to your favorite podcast platform carrier. That way you don't miss one episode. Thank you. This season is going to be focused on what leadership skills are most needed to create a healthy organizational culture. Leadership and manager effectiveness has been deemed the number one priority for HR and 2023. And every person listening whether you have a formal leadership title or not, you are a leader. We all have the responsibility to lead around something that we care about whether it's at home with our family, and our communities and or in the workplace. And on to the podcast. Hello shine podcast listeners. Thank you so much for joining me in this wonderful conversation with my friend Mary Abby, Jay. And Mary. Just a quick intro for folks. I actually found you a couple years ago when I was listening to Sarah holds podcast advice to my younger me, but she just actually finished she finished the podcast I saw her like last post I think it was last week. But I found Sara because she wrote this fabulous book with the same name advice to my younger me and I frankly thought Why didn't I know this in my 30s? Why am I now just discovering this in my 40s Well, she hadn't read it. She hadn't written it yet. And as part of her research, she researched all these incredible women leaders and you were one of the very first interviews that she did and you just really resonated and So I kind of had been holding this idea to reach out and then I did and voila. And I'm so happy. You're connected. And thank you so much for your work.

    Mary Abbajay  5:10  
    Well, Carly, that's so sweet. Now I just kind of feel like I just said good night Detroit. Like Thank you tip your waitresses, because that was really, really lovely. Yeah, Sarah is lovely person. And I was so delighted when you reached out to me, so I'm really excited to be here. So thanks for having me.

    Carley Hauck  5:24  
    Well, thank you. Could you share a little bit with our listeners about the work that you're doing in the world? And and also anything else you want to share about you as a person? identities? All those pieces? All those hats? We were right.

    Mary Abbajay  5:41  
    Oh, my gosh. So well, you know, I'm an introvert. So this is like my worst nightmare to talk about myself. But for you for you, Carly, I will do it. Hello, Shine listeners. My name is Mariana J. I am an organizational development consultant, I have a little boutique firm, called Career stone group. And we like to say that we help people make workplaces that are productive and positive. And we help people to be productive and positive in their workplaces. I'm a Gemini, I live in Washington, DC, I am married with one little furbaby named Valentino, he's a little rescue shitzu, if you've ever heard of such a thing, and I'm the author of a book called Managing Up, how to move up when at work and succeed with any type of boss, and it's all about how you can really take control of your career and be successful. I love what I do. I am a workaholic. Mostly because I love my work. Because I get to do cool things like this all the time. And that really, really feeds my soul, I have this diluted sense that by helping people make their work lives better, I'm doing just a little bit to make the world a better place. So that's, that's kind of under passion about what I do. So that's, that's me.

    Carley Hauck  6:54  
    Thank you. I love hearing all those other parts about you. Some of those I knew, because you're pretty transparent in the book. Well, I have to say this book is phenomenal. Like I have a high bar for books, being an author myself. And I just think this is so needed. And so for those of you that have had a boss or have a boss, they'll get this book, there will be links in the show notes, show notes, but I highly recommended. And before I even got to the part, where you share in the book, Why you actually ended up kind of writing this book, I had this intuition, I bet she had a really bad boss. And for all of them. Oh, wow. Yeah. And so that's really where I wanted to go in our in our conversation today. So they're kind of a couple of threads, I wanted to speak about how we manage ourselves first self management, so that we can confidently and powerfully manage up with any kind of boss. And I also wanted to talk a little more deeply about some of the root causes of why people are acting unconsciously, we could call them you know, bad bosses, I often like to use unconscious leaders because sometimes these behaviors, and even the wounding that is causing these behaviors are unconscious. And so instead of healing, they're hurting, and they're harming people in the workplace. I also wanted to bring in a little bit of the research that I have done and the framework on what are the conscious leadership qualities that we can grow, so that we can actually be more conscious leaders, and people don't have to manage us so much. And then lastly, I'd love to ask you some questions about what you can actually be assessing, when you're first having interviews with this potential new hire or new boss, and also what you might be able to do in the first 90 days to 100 days. And then I thought it could be fun if we role played one of the vos personalities and how you might manage yourself and how you might manage them. So we have a meaty discussion here.

    Unknown Speaker  9:20  
    I love it. I can't wait.

    Carley Hauck  9:22  
    Thank you. Thank you. Well, for folks that have been listening to the shine podcast, you know that I started this podcast because it was part of the research that I was conducting on my book on conscious leadership. And part of the reason that I wrote that book was because I was seeing lots and lots of folks in different industries over 10 years that were possessing certain qualities of consciousness that then supported more high performing teams psychological safety trust, well being and they were the exception, unfortunately. not the rule. So as a way to discern, and really bring in this framework, I had to see a lot of unconscious leadership, personally and professionally. And so, Mary, this brings us back to the reason that you wrote this book. It sounds like you had multiple leaders that and bosses that were really hard to navigate and to manage up. Do you feel like sharing any story from any one of those?

    Mary Abbajay  10:33  
    Oh, yeah. I mean, I share a lot of them in the books me I had, you know, and I think throughout, first of all, all the bad bosses I had led me to decide that if they could be a bad boss, I could be my own bad boss. I didn't need someone else being an asshole. I could be an asshole to myself, like, I didn't need that. So I have so many bad bosses is one of the reasons why I went, I became an entrepreneur. I'm like, I can do this. Like, I don't need this above me. So all in all, it was a good thing. You know, I had a boss, I had a boss that was a horrible micromanager, just horrible, horrible, horrible. I had a boss who was a screaming, shouting bully. I had a boss that was just completely incompetent, inadequate. And of all these bosses, I did have one boss, who was amazing, who was the kind of boss that really partnered with you. He was the kind of boss that really encouraged you. And he was kind of boss that that you could really flourish with. So I have had one good boss, well, the PROSPER not very good, but only one was toxic. And so as we talk about, like difficult bosses or difficult people or unconscious leadership, I think there's a big difference between someone who is an okay person, but not a good boss, right? A good boss for you. But there are people so that maybe they're unconscious of the impact of their of their bossing behaviors. But I do hope we do talk a little bit about like those that are not good people. They're more than unconscious. They're, they're the toxic people, because I think that's a real problem in the world.

    Carley Hauck  12:06  
    It is, it is an actually, I wanted to go there a little bit with you right now. So thank you for sharing all of that. So this was one of the quotes that I found in your book, and I, you know, I bring research into everything that I am also talking about, because it it really grounds it in a certain reality, especially for those skeptics, but you shared that research shows that it takes up to 22 months to emotionally and psychologically recover from the trauma of a psycho crazy bully tyrannical screaming egomaniac boss. Yeah, that's a long time. Yeah. And so what would

    Mary Abbajay  12:47  
    you say? I'll tell you, Carly. So you know, that was the research that I found a couple of years ago, and I wrote the book. And since then, I have probably spoken to well over like 10s and 10s of 1000s of people. And in every crowd, there's going to be 20%, who have had a psycho crazy, tyrannical, toxic boss, right? And I always ask people, How long did it take you to recover? And I think the 22 months was conservative, because I am hearing people talk about the trauma 23456 years later. So I think that 22 months is actually if I was to rewrite the book today, I might say up to five years, because I have met way too many people that are still struggling and still recovering from that trauma years and years after.

    Carley Hauck  13:35  
    I just feel such sadness and heaviness in my heart. Because I know part of why you and I are both here is we want to create healing organizations know that let work be a place where we can thrive. Thank you for for sharing that. Yeah.

    Mary Abbajay  13:52  
    And I will say this to any of your listeners, because this is really like this just gets my goat that we still in the 21st century. With all we know about neuroscience with all we know about organizational effectiveness and engagement, that organizations still allow toxic leaders in their organization. It just like I was, you know, we just saw the thing about Jimmy Fallon, like every week and these are famous people. Think about all those organizations that don't have famous leaders that nobody cares that this is happening. So you know, I want people to realize that if you are working in a toxic situation, you have to get out. No one is coming to save you. HR isn't coming to save you. They may want to save you they don't usually have the power to save you because the toxic people usually sit at the very top and toxic workplaces will make you physically ill you have a 60% increased likelihood of cardiac diseases stroke, it decimates your immune system, making you susceptible to all sorts of diseases like flus cold ulcers, it decimated You know, your emotional field, your psychological field, your mental health. And we know that people stay in toxic situations two years longer than they stay in other non toxic situations, because there's a lot of toxicity that goes on and what we call high meaning careers. fields like law fields, like medicine, fields, like politics, fields, like government. So people will tend to stay longer in these fields, because they really love their job, or they're passionate about what they're doing and for whom nonprofits is also a big place for toxicity. And so people tend to stay much longer, I just have to tell you, if you if you are in a toxic situation, you have to get out 10s of 1000s of people, I've asked this other question, too, how long did it take you to recover? And did you leave too soon, not one person has ever said they'd love to soon. They didn't leave soon enough.

    Carley Hauck  15:58  
    Thank you for sharing that. And I do believe that some of these conscious leadership qualities that we're going to talk about will actually one really help us to know our value to know our worth, and be able to manage ourselves more quickly, so that we can manage up. But I agree with you. And also would love to just talk about the deeper aspect of why these folks are showing up in the way that they are. We all have trauma, you know, individually, collectively, intergenerationally. And there are folks that are not doing their inner work, have not done their inner work. And frankly, the workplace has not always and mostly has not invested in learning or leadership development. That is why Leadership Development Manager effectiveness is thankfully the number one priority for HR right now. Because that's the only way we're going to be able to create a future of work that actually works for people. And hallelujah, for the younger generations that are really speaking up, they're more socially engaged, they're saying no, and they are the bulk of the workforce. So we have to change, because otherwise no one's going to come to work.

    Mary Abbajay  17:22  
    We do have to change, you know, the challenge will be with this change is that will HR be empowered to actually make a difference? I fear that some of this will go by the wayside, like D Ay ay ay is going a little bit by the wayside. Because at the end of the day, a lot of private sector organizations and nonprofit organizations always put their bottom line value on how much money is this organization making. And so I think one that challenges for HR when the opportunities is for them to show the bottom line, cash money value of actually investing in good leadership and good management, and employee health and an employee engagement. And it might take a newer generation of the C suite executives to actually place that value, right to actually be open to looking at that value. Because at the end of the day, for a lot of corporations, Money talks, and employee health walks us. So I really do, I really am I'm very hopeful. And a little cautious around this, I just hope that we can get the C suite to see the actual money value of being a good leader. Because you know, you see all these toxic leaders are all these bad leaders. They're just all these unhappy, low employee, low engagement places, and they still don't do anything about it. So we've got a kind of a new breed of C suites, they actually appreciate this, I think,

    Carley Hauck  18:49  
    well, and that's where really investing in leadership development to invest in how to be a co leadership

    Mary Abbajay  18:55  
    development only works if the top tier leadership places a value on it. Right? So I'm the you and I are both trainers, right? So we go in and we teach all the great skills, how to be, you know, a great leader, a great manager. And if they aren't rewarded for that, that doesn't happen, right? So their top leaders don't actually invest in making sure and holding those managers accountable for being good people, managers, the managers don't have any incentive. You take an organization, I think it's Deloitte or Accenture, I was getting confused. They got very serious about making sure their managers were more people centric. And so the managers part of their performance review is are you having? I think they have to do like monthly check ins with their people, are you and they're actually grading the managers on the success of their people in terms of their people's happiness and their engagement levels. And that seems to be working. So I think if we're going to do the leadership development, that's the carrot but you also need the reward?

    Carley Hauck  20:01  
    Well, I I agree with you. And, you know, going back to what you were sharing, there is more retention, there is more internal mobility, you know, there is more employee well being and people do want to stay when there are strong conscious leaders of the home. Yes, but But going back to leadership development, I started off with my path as a therapist, so I worked a lot with traumatized populations. And so I feel trauma informed on you know, the signs to look for. But we need to be assessing like, who has trauma and who doesn't, and who is doing the inner work, so that that's not being repeated, and they're now traumatizing other people. So I, I don't know if the workplace is ready for that. But like, that's the other piece we have to solve. We have to actually equip trainers, coaches, HR on being informed about trauma, and then and then solutions for healing. Yeah, that's just that's another piece that I see. So we are talking a bit about, you know, leadership manager, effectiveness being the number one priority in HR. And I wanted to talk a little bit about this conscious leadership framework, because I think it complements really well, some of the pieces in your book, and your research. So I distilled that there were nine different leadership competencies, that all worked in tandem, and actually on a continuum. And every person has different ranges of use, but when they're all actually dialed in, at the same time, we end up leading from our best selves, we can empower and lead our teams, we can increase trust, psychological safety, inclusion, innovation, without burning our folks out or further traumatizing them. And so I always like to kind of put myself you know, in the ring and ask my, my guests as well, where they think they are falling on some of these dimensions. So there, there are nine, which is self awareness, self management, empathy, resilience, which is a growth mindset, humility, self belonging, which is really including the dimensions of self love, self compassion, self forgiveness, self acceptance, and then physical, and psychological well being. And so not to put you too much on the spot, Mary, but I feel curious, what are one or two areas that you feel like as a leader, you're really prioritizing you, you're leading from this place, so you can lead others in a more conscious way?

    Mary Abbajay  22:55  
    I think for me, I think there's four that I think there's four, I don't know that I prioritize them. But there's four that I think are, are very prevalent in my day to day in my life, and one is self management. I am I'm constantly trying to self manage myself, I try to think about how do I need to say this was my impact for your listeners to know I'm actually like, I'm talking really slow right now. And it's really hard for me, like so like really trying to like in, you know, I'm a very direct, fast paced, you know, I'm a high strung type a person, so I'm always trying to manage that. So self management is a very big priority for me. My empathy is pretty strong. My husband says, It's my Libra moon, and my rising Gemini. I know, that's silly. My husband's on to the horoscope. But I do and I think empathy is really great. I think sometimes empathy gets in the way for me making tough decisions. But there's something that I don't want to lose resilience and a growth mindset are things I really try to prioritize, you cannot be as you know, a business owner, and not have to not cultivate resiliency, and a growth mindset. Because the minute you think that you you're all that in a bag of chips, you're gonna get smacked down. And the minute you think your business is all going good, you're gonna lose a big client. And the minute you think, you know, everything and you start, you stop being a learner, you're gonna lose it. And then humility, I think, I think I tend to be a very humble person. And I think humility is really important. Maybe it verges on the, on the side of self deprecation, which isn't necessarily so good. But yeah, so those are the four that I think are most prevalent in my life.

    Carley Hauck  24:35  
    Thank you. Yeah. Thank you self management, of resilience. And then I heard in humility, being humility. Yeah, yeah, definitely.

    Mary Abbajay  24:46  
    I can reach my husband says, that means I let my team walk all over me. He's like, You need to just you just need to lay down the lawn like Oh, but they're really busy. I'll just take on this piece of work for them.

    Carley Hauck  24:57  
    So when you talk about self management? What are your tips for self managing? I heard you say that you're trying to talk slowly. Why are you trying to do that right now in this moment,

    Mary Abbajay  25:10  
    because I lose the idea myself on my podcast and other people's podcasts or on, you know, video of me and I am talking way too fast. So I'm trying to slow it down so that people can hear me and understand. And plus, sometimes my mouth moves faster than my brain. That's not always a great thing. But yeah, so when I say self management, I, you know, I'm fairly aware of my, of my tendencies that are not going to have positive impact on people. So I do set an intention around a handful of my less than lovely qualities to try to make them more palatable to other people. I'm a big believer in the platinum rule, you know, really find out to treat others as they want to be treated. And so self managing myself around people who operate differently than me, is something I really work on. I work hard on trying to do.

    Carley Hauck  26:04  
    Hmm, thank you for sharing that. I really appreciate it. You know, where do you think some of the more unconscious leaders? Where do you think they might be lower

    Mary Abbajay  26:17  
    self awareness completely, is completely with self awareness, and then self management. So you know, I think, first of all, let's be honest, human beings are as are not very self aware, we like to think we're self aware. But we are not, I think it's Adam Grant that talks a lot about the lack of our self awareness. And not only are we not really self aware about what's driving us, we really lack awareness, and concern, I think about how our actions, our words, or deeds, and our behaviors are impacting other people. I really liked Tasha, Europe's work on this, in your book insight, where she did, she does a lot of work with C suite executives. And she found like 95% of them think that they're highly, highly self aware, and that she did some research on that by interviewing their teams. And something like only 15 15% of them actually were self aware. So I think that I think self awareness, especially around your impact on others, how other people experience you is very, very low in leaders. And I think it gets worse, as leaders go up the chain of command, because as you go up the chain of command, first of all, people stop giving you feedback, right? They stop telling you the truth about who you are. And I think quite frankly, people start believing their own shit, I'm sorry, that's French, for married, people start believing their own stuff, like I'm so good, I'm this, I'm this important. I'm so smart. I'm up here in the C suite. And I think that people really lose a lot of their self awareness. And if you don't have self awareness, you're not gonna be able to do self management. And the other thing I think that happens in leadership, is, as you were pointing out, we don't necessarily do a great job in America, of actually developing our leaders or managers before they become leaders or managers. Harvard did a study on this a few years back, and they found most managers get their first taste of being a supervisor or a manager in their late 20s, or early 30s. But they don't get significant training on that until their late 30s, early 40s. So for 10 years, they're just kind of making it up, right. And if they're trying to make it up based on a culture that has poor management examples, or poor leadership examples, then they're not going to get any self awareness, therefore, they're not going to get the self management about how the impact of their management style is working or not working.

    Carley Hauck  28:36  
    Agreed. And, you know, most people leaders have been advanced for their technical skills, not because of their people skills. That's exactly right. And they're still calling people skills, soft skills. But if we can't manage or empower our people, we're not going to be able to get the deliverables or the business objectives done. Like it's just not going to happen.

    Mary Abbajay  29:00  
    I know. And the other thing that I see Carly is that there's a lot of people that are managers, or leaders, they don't really want to manage the people, right? And so it's if you want to be a good people manager, if you're only taking that job to make more money or advance your career, which I understand, but if you don't want the people part of the job, then where's the incentive for you to become self aware, right, or to be have self manage or even to have the the humility or the empathy or the resilience from other people management?

    Carley Hauck  29:31  
    So hearing that most people are not very self aware, one of the things that I know that I do, and that I would hope to encourage in more learning and leadership development programs, and I don't do it all the time, but I try to, is to check in on. So what's your reaction to what I just said? Like what was the impact of that? Yeah, and yeah, that takes it down a notch and it does take more time. But how was My Message received? Because if we don't ask, then people are likely not always going to tell us, you and I are more direct. So we will probably tell people in a kind, indirect way, but most people don't feel safe. They don't either feel safe in themselves, or they don't have the courage to say it out loud. Because that that also has not been something that has been very promoted in our culture is

    Mary Abbajay  30:27  
    I think you're right. And I think you have bosses like telling me the truth, I want to hear it. But you know, they don't, because their past behavior has shown you that they don't. So I think that's always a very interesting thing. You know, and I think, you know, when you're talking about managing up, you know, I think self awareness and self management is really key for managing up. And so I often tell people, you know, if you really want to understand your impact on people, the best way to do that, and you can do the 360. But it's really to reach out to like, 10 of your colleagues and say, What five adjectives would you use to describe me? What like, what do people say about me when I'm not in the room? You know, what skills or talents Am I known for, and asking the people that will be honest with you, and then being really open to hearing that. So I think that if we can start developing our self awareness of how we as humans, impact other human beings, early on in our career, I think that really helps us develop that openness to feedback, the openness to take a look at ourselves as we move up into the food chain. This is also why I actually do whenever I do like those personality, things like the disc or predictive index, or Myers Briggs, I really liked those in the sense of, if it can open up people's minds as to understanding the difference between their intention and their impact. I think we can go a long way, just knowing that as you know, an introvert, just because I'm not talking doesn't mean I don't care about you, or you know, as a ad on the desk, just because I'm very direct with you. It doesn't mean I don't care about you. So I think the more we can understand how the how our behaviors may be misinterpreted by other people, I think that can help develop more self awareness.

    Carley Hauck  32:16  
    Hmm, loving all this input. Thank you. Yeah. The next area that I wanted to go into, and I love that you said, you know, self awareness, self management are the pieces that you think are really low. And these unconscious leaders, I would also say empathy, and humility, which were two of your strengths, I think they tend to be more of my strengths as well, you know, if you can admit that you're, you got it wrong, you made a mistake. If you can't actually emphasize that empathize with what's actually happening for the other person, then again, you're not going to be able to be a very conscious caring leader.

    Mary Abbajay  32:53  
    I agree. I just got a call from a law firm that wants me to help them teach their mid mid career associates how to give feedback, they said it, can you also teach them how to be more empathetic? Yes, I will try. But things like empathy, like that's a hard thing to teach. Right, Carly? I mean, you can explain it, you can demonstrate it, you can coach them. But that is kind of at some point, don't you think that empathy is a choice like that you must in some way choose to look at something from someone else else's perspective. At some point, you have to choose to whether or not you want to appreciate their experience or their so I'm curious to hear from you. Like, how do you teach empathy?

    Carley Hauck  33:40  
    Great question. Well, in chapter two of my book, which is the inner game of emotional intelligence, I talk about, you have the inner game, which is the self awareness and self management, and then you have the outer game. So when those are cultivated, then you're able to have more social awareness, which is oh, what might be happening for this person. And then number four is the relationship mastery. So those are actually the four facets of Dan Goleman emotional intelligence, however, like they really pertain to the inner cultivation, and then what shows up on the outside, but what, what I would say is, as far as helping people build empathy is that it's really helpful if you have them think about someone that they care about. So just imagine that this person is going through this right now. Like it could be their sister, it could be their daughter, it could be their mother. And once you bring it into somebody in their sphere and circle that they care about, it's much easier for them to then have empathy even for the difficult person. But you I would say start with someone they like first or you know, to build that empathy muscle and then you can start to expand it out even to have empathy for the difficult person because ultimately, it's that difficult person is just hurting, they're wounded, they've had trauma, right? They're not either so conscious of it, or they are conscious of it. But they're still a messy human. And so I can have compassion for their wounding, for their hurting, and also hold really strong boundaries around how I'm going to be put in the line of fire, and also call on allies. You know, this is one thing about managing those more toxic leaders in the eye 100% agree with you, you have to get out this is going in a different direction. But I had wanted to say this earlier, I had just forgotten, I think it's super important that we also find our allies, you know, in the workplace, that are practicing the same kinds of leadership skills, because who we surround ourselves with, is actually going to influence us the most. And if we can have a buffer of people that are validating our experience, that are also able to say, Hey, I had that experience with this person, too, then HR would feel more empowered to do something, right. It's called activating

    Mary Abbajay  36:10  
    your support network. That's how I refer to, but you know, but HR is only empowered as much as they're empowered. So we have to be really clear, I don't want to give people false hope, if you go to HR, your problems can be solved. It really depends on how much power HR has and who the toxic person is. Because there's also the whole whistleblower thing, like I could tell you horror stories about people that have went gone to HR and just made things worse for them. So it's really you gotta know, before, before anyone goes to HR, you really need to check out how well your HR has handled situations like this in the past, right? So ask around a little bit. But you know, it's funny, we're talking about empathy around like that. I teach that all the time, when I'm telling people to manage up as well, like, exactly like this person, this boss was a micromanager or this boss that's doing this are annoying you, you know, think for a minute, what's going on for them, right? Or think for a minute, I often do this make for men, the last time that you micromanage somebody, or the last time that you did behavior that you weren't proud of, you know, and that that can help kind of get people out of the amygdala hijack. Because what happens when we're dealing with difficult people, we get very frustrated, very fight or flight, you know, and so you got to get out of that in order to be able to make good choices.

    Carley Hauck  37:27  
    Definitely. Well, let's go into an example of a difficult manager and how we might manage ourselves and then manage up. And I also just want to share as I was reading through your book, and there's there's so many different manager types. I could relate more strongly to a few of them. And I'm bringing this up because in the chapter where we talk about the seagulls, which is the oh, goodness, sorry, the the nitpickers in the seagulls. Yeah, as I was, as I was actually reading through the nitpicker, because that comes first and then we go on to the seagulls. I love to the distinction that you put in is that the nitpickers are really about perfection versus the micromanagers are about control. But I'm springing this up because I could see how my team at times has thought of me as a nitpicker. Oh, sure. Because I have a high bar for excellence.

    Mary Abbajay  38:30  
    You know, the thing is, we've all done all these behaviors. We've all done them. All right, if you've worked long enough, but we don't judge ourselves as these things right? The circumstances, you know, so yeah, so the nitpicker so micro managers are about control. You're right. So most micro managers tend to be nitpickers. But not all nitpickers are micro managers. Because a nitpicker is the person that's going to nitpick small things for perfection. They may be important things or they might be minor things, you know, but they're probably gonna let you do your your gig your stuff, and then they're gonna swoop in afterwards and nitpick so I can be a nitpicker to my team will tell you that I nitpick their slideshows. That thought Saglie I don't like that graphic. I don't nitpick the content, which is the important thing, right? I have a certain visual I want. So yeah, understood. So if you have a nitpicky boss, it's really important to find out like what they care about, like, you know, like, is it the font? Is it the format? Is it the color? Is it the use of the Oxford comma or no Oxford comma, you know, so don't resist what the nitpicker was, and choose your battles wisely. You know, if you're just and be prepared for it. So if you know that your boss is going to nitpick something, then give them a draft an early draft and let them nitpick the early draft. Find out ask them questions ahead of time is the particular font you want is Is there a format you prefer? You know, what kind of graphics marry do you think would be great for this slideshow? That sort of thing? So find out, I was working with this law firm and this, we're doing a Managing Up course in this first year associate, you know, they have no power, first year associate comes up to me and says, Mary, I need your help. The Managing Partner won't use the extra comma. How can I give him that feedback that he's wrong? It's like, you know what you don't. If he doesn't want to use the extra comma, that's not a battle that that's not a hill, you want to die on your first year. So you have to pick your battles wisely. When it comes to the debt with nitpicker, and then ask questions like find out, you know, so Carly, why do you like things this way? Tell me about your preference for this. Because the more you can learn about what your boss cares about, the more you can figure out how to make things are more in alignment. Now, of course, we're not talking about things that are unethical, or things that are bad or wrong. We're talking about nitpicky things.

    Carley Hauck  41:04  
    Well, what I tell my team too, is like, if you're not clear on what I am actually asking for, then don't just do it and get it wrong. Because then I'm gonna go and tell you, you need to redo it. Like if there's even an wrinkle of I don't know if this is right, just text me call me asked me. Let's have a conversation. Because otherwise, it's annoying for you. And for me. Yeah. So, but that one, I just happen to bring it up because it's such a good one. And I bet everybody can relate to that one. But it's in the same chapter. Let's go into this. Because there's two kinds because there's

    Mary Abbajay  41:40  
    two kinds. Yeah, there's all seagulls swoop, people all seagulls swoop, you have a sweeper and a pooper and a super, and a scooper. So the swooper and pooper swoops in our project has been hands off, they swoop in, and they poop all over it. Like they just are like, this is awful. This is awful. Damn, why were you guys doing it, I know what you're doing. And they just, you know, Crusher ready. And then they swoop right back out, leaving like doctress of like bad feelings and, you know, crushed hearts and souls. So that's the Super and pooper, then you have the swooper and scooper. And this is the boss that you know, assigns you a project, and then all of a sudden they swoop in and they take the project away for two for their own, they take it away, and they put their name on it. And you've worked hard on it. And suddenly it's away from you, and you are really bummed out. So those are the two different kinds of seagulls.

    Carley Hauck  42:34  
    I really appreciate that. So I had this idea that perhaps, you know, we could roleplay this. So let's say that I have a boss that is a super. And I was working really hard on

    Unknown Speaker  42:45  
    pooper scooper.

    Carley Hauck  42:47  
    As a scooper.

    Unknown Speaker  42:49  
    He's super super.

    Carley Hauck  42:50  
    Yeah, thank you. So the seagull have a boss us swoops in, and scoops in. And it's a project I've been working really hard on, I'm presenting it to senior stakeholders. And then all of a sudden, they act like it's theirs, they take credit for it. Yeah, as I think about that, I would get triggered. That would be something that I really have to spend a little more time self managing myself my reaction to not take it personally. Yeah, to understand my motive or their motivations. And then therefore to advocate for myself, how would you coach me to manage up in that scenario, especially with senior stakeholders?

    Mary Abbajay  43:42  
    Yeah, so there's a couple of things with the you know, with the CIO, there's the scooper, that's gonna steal the credit. And then there's just a scoop of this gonna take over the project. I mean, they're kind of similar, but they're a little bit different. Like, they might actually take over the project and still give you some credit as they finish it. So the first thing I would say to you is, you know, is this a pattern? Like, is this a pattern that this boss does frequently? Or infrequently, they would ask you to kind of look for the patterns, like, as there are certain types of projects that they swoop and scoop on? Are there certain, like what's going on in the culture that makes them like this project suddenly has probably gotten to be high visibility, right? So I asked you about the pattern, so that you can anticipate it. The other thing I'd say is, you know, are you keeping this person in the loop on this, like, Did this person Scoop it because they didn't know how, where it was? Or are they scooping it because they didn't know where it was? And they want to take the credit for it. So then I would want to ask you around like, what, and part of this would also rely on what kind of a boss this person is. Could you have a conversation with this boss about this? Could you go in and say, you know, Hey, boss, I was really disappointed that not gonna be able to work on XYZ project or, you know, I'd really like to get some feedback on my piece of the project. Was my performance not satisfactory, just curious as to, you know what it was? Why, why I'm no longer working out, I tried to avoid saying why you took it away from me. But find a nice way to do that. No,

    Carley Hauck  45:20  
    I think leading with curiosity, when you're not in a triggered place is really great. Like, Oh, I wonder why did why did that end up being put on your calendar and not mine anymore? sense it in that way? And

    Mary Abbajay  45:36  
    that's something really important when you're not in a triggered state.

    Carley Hauck  45:40  
    Yes. Yes, I have a whole framework on triggers, which I'll actually leave in the show notes, because I have to practice it all the time. Yeah. And I think in order to manage up, we have to manage ourselves. Yep.

    Mary Abbajay  45:54  
    And then the last thing I'll say about the scooper is, you know, even you know, anticipate this for the next time that they're going to scoop it. But sometimes, if you keep them in the loop, and you see see other people, especially other people that this project is impacting, it's gonna be a lot harder for them to steal the credit if other people know you're working at it. And the last thing I'll say about this is, of course, then you can also when it's all done, you can also go back in and say, I would love to know how that project turned out. How are my pieces, so you can like, get some feedback and like, post thing. And then lastly, and I can't live, we're gonna suggest this, I might deny it. You know, this is what the gossip mill is for. And I don't mean bad mouthing your boss, but make it known, make sure people know, your contribution to this project. You know, like, if you ever run into his boss, and in the elevator or her his or their boss and elevator, and they say what you've been working on, you can say, you know, what, I was really lucky enough to work on that pesky project that my boss handed in, it was really exciting. And I really liked the opportunity to support that project. Don't take all the credit. But you can also do some backdoor self promotion on that.

    Carley Hauck  47:02  
    I love that. So holding people accountable by you know, really having all the stakeholders in the same email thread, transparency, and then also just speaking aloud your contribution with other folks and other stakeholders. I think that's, that's really great.

    Mary Abbajay  47:19  
    And then finally, you know, if your boss does this a lot and steals credit a lot. Then you may not be he she or they may not be the right boss for you. Because occasionally, you know, because some bosses say, you work for me, your ideas are my ideas. Right. So that's kind of the old school bossiness. You know, the 20 century boss. And if that's not your thing, and I don't blame you, it's not my thing, either, then you, you, maybe you need to find a different boss. Because if you're not getting what you need, as professional as a human being, if you're not being valued, if they don't find you valuable, and your ideas, then there's no shame in quitting like, find something was find a place where people do value you and they do find you valuable, and you get what you need, emotionally, psychologically, intellectually and fulfilling in your career. So you have a scooper and it drives you crazy. Get a new boss, get new jobs. Yeah, those are all really give yourself permission to quit. Uh huh.

    Carley Hauck  48:19  
    Yeah. So I've got two last questions for you. Okay. A lot of people are, you know, looking for new roles and new jobs they're interviewing, I am in that boat right now, I'm just going to put myself in the ring interviewing, you know, new potential supervisors for my for my new internal role. What are some things that I can be assessing to figure out? Who is this person, like, what kind of a boss are they going to be? And what's difficult about this, Mary, is that I will have one conversation with this person to be able to say, I'm the right candidate for you. And we may have a half hour, we may have 45 minutes. So ultimately, I'd love to be able to have further conversations, because I'm interviewing them as much as they're interviewing me. And I'm putting myself, you know, in this in the eye position, but I really want this to be in service of everybody that's thinking about this.

    Mary Abbajay  49:12  
    Yeah. You know, this is a hard one, I'm much better at telling you what to ask once you get in. But here's what I'm gonna say it for this. First of all, if you're going in person, right, if you're going into a physical office to interview with that person face to face, which I think happens still occasionally, mostly virtual days. But if you do get to go visit, physically, trust your gut, like trust the vibe you feel in the office, because Aska not only tell you a lot, it's gonna tell you a lot about the culture. What do people look like? Are people smiling? Did it look happy? They look stressed. So that sort of thing. So trust and trust, like the vibe you get from someone physically, also trust whatever vibe you can get virtually, although it's a little bit harder. I would ask questions like, you know, tell me about your best employee who's really successful here. What are you doing? Just priorities for your team. So I'd ask things like that. I would say, you know, what drives you crazy about about? I said, what drives you crazy about your employees? Or what are your biggest pet peeves? And you can learn a lot about from people ask about their pet peeves. I would also ask them, What do you like best about being a manager? Hmm,

    Carley Hauck  50:20  
    that's a great question.

    Mary Abbajay  50:22  
    What do you like best about being a manager? It's hard, because the really the really toxic bosses are just going to be lying. But I would say tell me about your greatest. Tell me. Tell me about if you want to find out about their work life balance, you know, tell me about how you encourage work life balance or? Or how or how do

    Carley Hauck  50:41  
    you set boundaries? Yeah. Between work things like

    Mary Abbajay  50:45  
    that are really great. Right? What what questions have you been asking?

    Carley Hauck  50:51  
    Well, I have been asking great question, some questions when I have an opportunity, because sometimes they don't leave you any room to ask a question. So then I follow up with questions. But I'm always asking them, you know, what is the what is the personality style that's going to be most complimentary with you. And the team is great. And then I also ask, you know, what does success look like in this role in the first three months, in the first six months, in in the first year, because then I know if I'm going to either flop on my face, or if this is going to be a place, I can really bring my best value, and create success, which is what I want, which is what they want, which is

    Mary Abbajay  51:32  
    what they want. You know, the other thing you can do, the other thing you can do is you can you can say, Hey, would it be possible for me to talk to another team member? To learn about that? Or do you want to be a little more devious, I don't think is devious. Because you know, you're about to commit, maybe commit to these people. You could literally reach out to somebody

    Carley Hauck  51:51  
    done that with other people in the company. What's the culture? Like? Who you Yeah,

    Mary Abbajay  51:56  
    what do people say about this boss and things like that? I think that is totally fair game. If you don't know anybody at the company. That's what LinkedIn, that's what LinkedIn is for. cyber stalking. But I think the more I think, you know, I so when I interview for people, people, I actually, I really insist that they talk to my team first. And, and I, my team knows that they, they are really clear about who I am. And they're really honest with with with the people, and then they will come to me and say, Yeah, this person is not for you, or you're gonna love this person. And they're gonna love you. So I really like it when you went hiring bosses, let the team talk to the people too.

    Carley Hauck  52:39  
    Well, and then pretty much all the feedback you gave would also the things that you could be assessing in the first 90 days, but also just having more direct conversations with this person, you know, to see, okay, there's going to be certain things that aren't going to work well. But how can I adapt? Right? And and how can how can we have this be a win win for both of us?

    Mary Abbajay  53:00  
    That's exactly right. That's exactly right. You because yeah, and hopefully, and by the way, if anyone's looking for work life balance, and you say, you know, what's the culture here, and the boss, the hiring person says to you, oh, we work hard, and we play hard. That's a high work culture.

    Carley Hauck  53:20  
    Well, and the other part of your book, which I think is really helpful, too, is that you're able to assess your strengths and your weaknesses, and also what kind of boss you're going to vibe with and best. And so again, this comes back to self awareness, like, you know, own own your, your parts, and then find the right fit for you. Because not everyone is going to be the right fit.

    Mary Abbajay  53:47  
    You bless your heart, you are 1%, right, you know, what we tend to do is we all tend to like the way we operate. So when people operate differently than us, then we tend to get really frustrated and make them you know, make us the victim and make them the perpetrator. And the truth is, there are some people like my favorite boss might be your worst nightmare. You know, your favorite boss might be someone else's worst nightmare. And so really be able to own your own piece of the puzzle is really important to be honest with yourself about what what kind of person you are and what kind of person you're going to work well with. And what you might need to do more of less of or differently in order to work well with the boss that you've decided to work for.

    Carley Hauck  54:25  
    For sure. And that comes back to the self management, right is owning your reaction to whatever's happening, because because you're the only person that can change that reaction.

    Mary Abbajay  54:38  
    Yeah, because we only have control over ourselves. We don't control anybody else. But I do have some questions that you can ask once you start, okay. By the way, if anybody wants these questions, they can just email me because you're gonna put that in the show notes or something reach out to me or find me on LinkedIn. Yes,

    Carley Hauck  54:53  
    your LinkedIn will be in the show notes and your website.

    Mary Abbajay  54:57  
    And these are really basic questions, but I'm telling you Guys, they work so much. And managers love it. They always know they should be having these with you. But if they don't things simple things like What's your preferred mode of communication? Yeah. How do you like to be approached regarding an issue or challenge or a problem? How often do you like to meet as a team or one on one? Is the question you did before? What does success look like to you defined top performer? How often do you like to be updated? And projects? How do you like your updates? Like I like updates, but I want to be kept in the loop not in the soup. So I have a couple of people on my team that are really detail oriented, and my eyes glaze over. isn't done? That's to my mind. If you had a perfect team member, what would that person look like? What are your top priorities? What the biggest pressure is on you or the team right now? How can I best support you? What do you find annoying about working with others? And then always say, What can I do more of less of a definitely to work well with you? And what else do I need to know about working well with you always say what else and just have this conversation 15 minute conversation, I call it the preferences, priorities and pet peeves. This way, you're going to cover not only their work style, but like what's important to them, what they care about how they like to work, and it's going to be a good conversation. And I will also say this, as Carly and I were saying not everybody's very self aware, take their answers, but also measure them against how that you actually see them behaving. Like what they say, I'm very communicative. I love pop in meetings, and you know that they don't you see the behavior, the doubt. So take what they say, but don't treat it as gospel to actually see that behavior.

    Carley Hauck  56:44  
    I love all of those. And being that, you know, I bring a lot of coaching into the work that I'm doing. I've brought in actually a lot of those questions to support leaders, you know, to have conversations with their direct reports and with their supervisors. But then after you get those answers, what I think is even a really good next step is that one, you're writing it down, you repeat back what you heard them, say, so that it's actually correct. And then you create an agreement. So I hear you want me to do this, this and this. And then you say, well, on my side, I'd really love and you request which you need, and then you create an agreement, and you're probably going to make some oops, so then what's your accountability to come back to the agreement that you just had, you know, and this is where psychological safety and trust is built. But this, these types of questions, I think are essential in your one on ones, but also in the team. There's so many teams, senior leadership teams that I get asked to come in, and they haven't done any of them. They don't know how your team wants to work. So how are you even? How are you delivering on projects, y'all?

    Mary Abbajay  57:56  
    You know, I love that because I think I think, you know, this is a partnership like employee and leaders partnership. And I love that you are helping the leaders ask these questions downward as I'm helping the employees ask them upwards, because it is a conversation that both should have. And I always say to my folks, you know, hopefully once you ask your boss these questions, they'll turn around and ask you the same questions and listen to them. And it's always makes me sad when someone emails me back and says, You know what, I had this great conversation with my boss, I asked this person all these questions, but they didn't ask me a single one. I was like, wow, that's sad. That's a missed opportunity from that boss,

    Carley Hauck  58:35  
    for sure. But this is how we change it. Right? This is this is when everyone's talking about human centered people first. Yeah, you start with connection,

    Unknown Speaker  58:44  
    you start with the people.

    Carley Hauck  58:48  
    How to Care for this person? Who is this person? How are we going to collaborate? Well, Mary, this was amazing. Thank you. Again, I just love this conversation. And again, everyone, this book is fabulous. And I love all those questions. So you so is there anything else you want to leave folks with?

    Mary Abbajay  59:07  
    I just want to say you know your work, you spend so many of your waking hours at work. I truly believe those should be great hours, there should be hours where you can use your mind, your heart, your creativity, your passion, they should be hours that that you that you find valuable and that add to your life, not detract your life. So if you have a bad boss, or you're in a bad workplace experience, do what you can to get a better workplace experience. You deserve it. You deserve it. You only live once and your work should be a bonus to that and nine detractor for your life. So good luck. Thank you, Carly. This was so awesome and get Carly's book people and leader stop being jerks out there. I have I have a presentation that call that's called your team hates you and here's why.

    Carley Hauck  59:54  
    Oh wow.

    Mary Abbajay  59:57  
    Your direct boss is not being jerks and start Reading current Carly's book.

    Carley Hauck  1:00:03  
    Yeah. Be the the leader that others will never want to leave and want to follow. Right? That's right. That's the opportunity right now. Thank you, Mary. Thanks, Carly. Let me summarize some of the key points of the interview before we go and give you some action steps you can put into place today. First, manage yourself. Before we can manage up down or laterally, we have to be able to know what is happening inside our bodies, when to speak and when to be quiet. We want to be the calm in the midst of the storm. And there is emotional contagion, whether you're working from zoom, or you're actually in person, people can feel and sense where you might be in your body. And so navigating your triggers, you'll find a free meditation in the show notes that you can utilize. There's also lots of wonderful practices in my book, on how to be a conscious leader. And there is a very effective framework on navigating triggers. In fact, this topic is one of the most highly sought out team building sessions that I offer with senior leaders. And additionally, the nine leadership capabilities that Mary and I spoke about before, which is this validated framework that I've developed in the last decade. self management is key to that competency. There is also a team building workshop that I am doing in partnership with Team Rothery. And this is also in the show notes. And it's called from trigger to triumph. So if you're interested in that, you can book that with your team. I do that with a lot of teams. Second, manage down, up and laterally. With Remote distributed workforce, we need to begin to have conversations that invite people to share what their preferences for communication are, when they might actually work best during the day, which could be really different. It might be that they take a longer break at lunch, because they want to go exercise and they were up really early hour they've got child care. Find out with your team and your supervisor, how people work best, what is going to actually help them collaborate, communicate with you the best. Third, invest in learning and leadership development for everyone at the company. This is one of the best ways that you can create a whole healthy organizational culture. And we know that culture eats strategy for breakfast. In the conscious leadership programs that I have designed and developed for some really amazing companies, I have validated metrics to showcase that empathy goes up 74%. That's one of the most sought after leadership competencies in our workplace right now. Psych psychological safety goes up by 47% internal mobility engagement goes up by 20 to 30%. And I have many more incredible results that I could share with you. If you're interested in having me partner with you. For an internal director above learning leadership and culture role I am interviewing now for the right boss, team and company to join. I am so excited about this opportunity to serve a thriving organizational culture, please feel free to reach out to me on LinkedIn. Number four, if you are in a truly toxic environment with a harmful and unconscious boss, definitely check out Mary's book, there's a lot of really wonderful ways to manage up, and also resources. I also recorded a podcast on this topic a few years ago. And if you go to the shownotes, you'll see it's how to coach a harmful and unconscious leader. There are tips and strategies and as Mary and I spoke about can't change the person. So you do need to leave but before you leave, find your allies. And if it feels safe to do so speak up so that this behavior and this person can be held accountable and so that the hurt and harm doesn't continue. And also so that this person gets help and they get actually taken out of their people leader role. This person is not equipped to lead people. They would be better served to just navigate with technology, or potentially take some time off to do some deep for healing. And the last thing I'd like to preface is that we all are navigating individual, collective and intergenerational trauma. And it's really important as we come together and really create what can be a healing organization that we are trauma informed, and especially in the people function of HR talent, and the chief people officer, we need to know what the signs of trauma are, and also where to give people resources and help. Please reach out to me to have a conversation on this. There's a lot of resources that I have on this topic and other really great people to connect to you to. Again, Mary is amazing. Mary, thank you so much for your service and your leadership. And if you enjoyed this episode, please share it with friends, family, or colleagues. We're all in this together and sharing is caring. If you have any questions, comments or topics you would like me to address on the podcast, please email me at support at Carley hauck.com And finally, thank you for tuning in and being part of this community. We have several wonderful future shine podcast episodes, so make sure you don't miss any and until we meet again, be the light and shine your light

     

    Shine
    enOctober 12, 2023

    70. How to Nurture the Human Renaissance with Enrique Rubio & Carley Hauck

    70. How to Nurture the Human Renaissance with Enrique Rubio & Carley Hauck

    In this podcast interview with my friend and colleague Enrique Rubio, founder of Hacking HR, we speak about the renaissance and rebirth of HR.  I am renaming the time we are in as the Human Renaissance.  In this interview we speak about how to build a people first culture where people and business are intertwined and how to optimize for both by investing in self care and well being.  We talk about the important role of conscious leadership skills and which ones are needed to build the foundation of the awakened company and world.  Lastly, we speak to the role of HR in addressing burnout and some possible solutions to implement for a thriving organizational culture.   

    Episode Links:

    Hacking HR October Summit Registration Link

    Enrique Rubio LinkedIn

    Shine Podcast Interview- "What are the most needed leadership skills to create a healthy organizational culture in 2024?"

    SHINE Links:

    Thank you for listening. Want to build a high trust, innovative, and inclusive culture at work? Sign up for our newsletter and get the free handout and be alerted to more inspiring Shine episodes 

    Building Trust Free Gift


    Carley Links:

    LinkedIn

    Consultation Call with Carley

    Book Carley for Speaking

    Leading from Wholeness Learning & Development

    Carley’s Book

    Executive Coaching with Carley

     

    Well Being Resources:

    Inner Game Meditations

    Inner Game Leadership Assessment

    Social: 

    LinkedIn

    IG

    Websitehttps://www.carleyhauck.com

    Shine Podcast Page

     

    IMPERFECT SHOW NOTES

     

    Carley Hauck  0:10  
    Hi, my name is Carley Hauck and I am host of the shine podcast. This podcast has been flickering strong since May 2019. I began the podcast due to all the research I was conducting. In interviews with organizational leaders, lead scientists, academic researchers and spiritual teachers for my new book shine, ignite your inner game to lead consciously at work in the world. I wrote my book to inspire a new paradigm of conscious leadership and business that was in service of a higher purpose to help humans flourish, and regenerate our planet. The podcast focuses on the science and application of conscious inclusive leadership, the recipe for high performing teams and awareness practices that you can cultivate to be the kind of leader our world needs now. I will be facilitating two to three episodes a month. And before I tell you about the theme of our season, please go over to Apple podcasts, hit the subscribe button on shine or go to your favorite podcast platform carrier. That way you don't miss one episode. Thank you. This season is going to be focused on what leadership skills are most needed to create a healthy organizational culture. Leadership and manager effectiveness has been deemed the number one priority for HR and 23. And every person listening whether you have a formal leadership title or not, you are a leader. We all have the responsibility to lead around something that we care about whether it's at home with our family, and our communities, and or in the workplace. I believe in you. And I am so delighted to share with you such an incredible group of people and interviews that I have gathered for this season. I handpick every single guest based on their embodiment of conscious, inclusive leadership and the positive impact they're making. I am delighted you're here. And onto the podcast. Hello, Shine listeners. I am so excited to introduce the first interview of season six. And are you gay Rubio? Enrique, thank you so much for being here.

    Enrique Rubio  2:57  
    Carley, thank you so much for inviting me and being your first guest on your new system. I am super excited about the conversation we are about to have

    Carley Hauck  3:09  
    need here. And I'm gonna give a little light to our friend Sue Olson, who likely will listen to this Sue, thank you so much for encouraging this connection. It has already been meaningful and fruitful. And I'm sure it will continue to bear gifts.

    Unknown Speaker  3:28  
    I agree with you. Hello, so.

    Carley Hauck  3:33  
    So Enrique, please tell me and our listeners, why you love HR. What is it about HR? And for folks that may not know what HR stands for? It means human resources, which is like, why did we give it that name? Humans are not resources? No, I'll let you go forward with that.

    Enrique Rubio  3:56  
    Yeah, well, it's a story of to me of believing that as a function as a business function. We have impact both on business people and society in general. And this is the way I think about it. Right. And I thought about this question when you sent it to me before in preparation for the conversation today. And think about it in these terms. For most organizations, for every HR person there is there are about 250 to maybe 500 or six 600 employees. So that means that if the relation was direct, every person who works in HR is impacting the lives of anywhere between 250 and 600. People imagine the kind of power that you hold to both either or to either positively or negatively impact the lives of these folks, right. So if you do great work in HR, and I am hoping that you do it will be the right conditions for people to feel that they can find an outlet for their talents, their creativity, their passion, their voice, their purpose at work, where they find joy and happiness, where they come to work excited about the change they are making in the world and not just making some stakeholders or shareholders richer than they were before. But if you are building that kind of organization, as an HR person, then you are making anywhere between 250 and 600 people happier than they would be otherwise. So the reason why I love HR is sort of twofold, right? One one current state and one future state current status. I think we care a lot about the work that we do. We care a lot about the people that we're working with our organizations, our leaders, and we're not perfect. So there may be listeners saying yes, but my experience with HR was not positive. And that's true. And that may be true. My experience with some salespeople wasn't positive, my experience with some customer, people were mostly positive, my experience with some, I don't know, residential management people wasn't positive, right. But that doesn't mean that the function as a whole and that everybody in that function, wouldn't want to create a positive kind of environment for you. So reason number one is that we do care. And we have such a powerful opportunity to create good impact and change the world from HR today. And the second reason is more aspirational, right? We are the only function that sits at the intersection of People Operations and Business Operations. When you look at all the other functions, most of them are purely business, even when they work it out from like marketing or sales or it or legal, whatever it is. They are mostly business operations, we are at the intersection of business and people operations. And I fully believe that the magic of building great workplaces making people's lives better of creating better societies, and a better world accordingly, as happens at that intersection. That's what that magic happens. And we are the only ones from a from a business standpoint, sitting in that intersection of business and people. So aspirationally I love HR, because we can make such a such an incredible impact and leave such an incredible legacy by working it out very well, while we sort of deliver what we need to deliver at this intersection of people and business operations. So I love HR because we we care for all people and organizations and business matter, and aspirationally because we can truly make an impact and change the world from our small area of influence and impact in the organizations where we work. So that's that's the way I see it.

    Carley Hauck  7:44  
    I love that. Thank you so much for your passion. Yeah, I wholeheartedly agree, the microcosm of work is where you have such an interesting mix of people that come together, work together, collaborate, that might never ever meet otherwise, from all over the world, especially in this remote, cross functional, hybrid kind of way that we're working and sometimes completely remote. And I believe that if we can use business as the lever to create healing, and this is the microcosm, we get to kind of really create, you know, different conditions that can translate to the greater world. And so you you said impact, but what you need is a positive impact, how can business really be best for the world, that's what I heard in your tone and in your voice. And I think it is the responsibility and the opportunity of business. And you're right, HR is kind of the belly, the heart that allows business to move in that direction. So we spent,

    Enrique Rubio  8:52  
    we spent we spend anywhere between a third and 40% of our lifetimes at work doing something that has to do with work, whether it is for ourselves or in a company with other people or alone, that's a significant amount of time considering that probably the one of the other thirds is sleeping, right. So so when you think about spending a third of your life at work, the impact that whatever happens at work has on you is extraordinary, is exceptional. So when you know you can you can go into directions, work can break you, or what work can lift you up, but we should understand that that 30% of our lifetimes is spent at work will definitely and does make a difference on people whether whether on the positive or on the negative side. So we have to choose from not only from an HR standpoint, but as a US business. We have to choose to one these folks that we are employing right now to have a better life not just with what we're paying them, but in general beyond just the financial transaction of us. paying them for the work that they're given give back,

    Carley Hauck  10:02  
    because it impacts how they're showing up at home is what you're saying society and society for sure. And, you know, I know you're familiar with this research, but the two people that have the biggest influence on your mental and emotional well being is your boss at work, and your partner at home. Yeah, those are the two that you have the most interaction with throughout the day. And so I know that we're gonna get into leadership and manager effectiveness, because it is the number one priority for HR and 23. But I see it being the number one priority for many years to come, because we haven't cracked that code. But before we go into that, tell me about hacking HR, this incredible community that you have developed. Tell me how that got started? And what's the current phase of it? And where do you Where are you holding the vision for it?

    Enrique Rubio  11:00  
    Yeah, well, thank you for that question. And yes, I am the founder of a global learning community for HR people called Hacking HR. And what we do is we bring together 1000s of people around the world to be part of our learning programs to build community to connect with each other. And we do it the two pillars, the two foundations of what we do, our number one community, bringing people together and helping them make connections with each other, building meaningful relationships. And you can tell, you know, the person who connected us is somebody that he connected with from somebody else. So now we are for, you know, in this, in this world connected and enjoying are enjoying each other. And this wouldn't have been possible without hacking autonomy, maybe it could have been possible, but maybe it would have been more difficult. So it's community and it's learning and the learning, the way we do learning is by bringing practitioners of the business and the people of space to come together and share their insights, their ideas, their experiences, their whatever their stories, with all of us in the community, we are, we're very heavy on bringing practitioners to the to our learning events or learning experiences. Because well, you know, there's a lot of writing material about everything. But then you go on write and read something. And you always are left with a question. Yes, but how? Right? Well, you know, how do I do this, and we bring practitioners to share more of the how maybe their own how, but a how that can resonate with an extended community. So we've done hundreds of events for 1000s of people on LinkedIn, which is our main, sort of like social media outlet, we are one of the largest HR communities in the world. And the number one in engagement rates, that of all the HR communities that exist, we are the number one engagement rates, not by good luck, because we've been so for the past couple of years. So I think we're doing something right. And that is the way to listen, thank you, we share good content. And also, we have we have our voice, you know, we, you know, we're very respectful, and we're very kind, but we have our voice. You know, we you know, one example of this, right? I mean, I am I am I an absolute advocate of autonomy and flexibility at work, that doesn't mean that I believe that everybody should be working from home or everybody should be working from an office, I do believe that if we, if you are employing adults, we'll treat them like adults. And we share this voice unapologetically. Meaning, you know, some people don't like that we are promoting this idea of a, you know, I mean, if you don't like it, there are other communities that will probably say what you want to hear. We are more on the side of like, you know, let's expand possibilities. You know, let's think outside of the box, right, let's, let's think beyond evidence right in front of us. So that's what we're doing. Yeah,

    Carley Hauck  13:54  
    I was also gonna say it's also a very diverse community. I mean, I heard you say, there are people all over the world, but even just the panels that you have, I know you have an upcoming summit in October that we're going to talk about. The panels are very diverse, the people that are showing up and I also really love that part about the community too.

    Enrique Rubio  14:14  
    Yeah. Well, thank you. Yeah, we I have made a point of honor of our work to make sure that we're building that we're bringing diverse voices to to our conversations. And diversity looks in many different ways. By the way, not only it's not only gender sexual identity is not only skin color, your credo if you believe in anything is your nationality is your background is I mean, there are people who have participated in our events, that they have a very controversial point of view about say, you know, remote work, for example, they're like, No, I think everybody has to come to the office, and they express with respect and everybody else respects them. They spread as expressed their their points of view, and we all end up either agreeing or disagreeing. In by understanding something that we may not have known be known before. So the diversity, the way we embrace inclusivity and diversity as, let's make sure that we bring as many diverse voices to the table that they are heard with respect and kindness. And that simultaneously, they hear us and see and respect other voices as well. And I care less about us agreeing on what we're talking about, than about respect, and kindness and compassion toward each other. Unfortunately, there has never been an instance in our community, Never, not even once, in the six years that I've been doing this, that anybody has said, um, you know, jumping out of this, you know, some whatever, because I don't feel respected. You know, it'd be more along the lines of like, a, you know, I don't agree with you for this. And, and I promote that, you know, I promote that safe space for people to say, I don't agree with that, for this, and this and that, and that's totally fine. So yeah, we have

    Carley Hauck  15:59  
    to disagree, right, you need to be respecting

    Enrique Rubio  16:01  
    each other unkind. I mean, talk about the state of our world. I mean, it's so messed up. I mean, it's so messed up. Because weak is like, we can hear any, anything that we're saying, if we, the moment you say something that I don't agree with, immediately, I am blocked, I am there with you, I'm looking at you, you're saying I see your mouth moving, but I am not listening anymore. Because you said something that I disagree with. And I wonder why, you know, I mean, we're never going to solve problems that way, let alone get together to, you know, have a positive impact on each other. So anyway, diversity for all as, you know, in every sense of the word beyond, you know, what can be considered traditionally, diversity, like, you know, the, the color of your skin, where you come from, and, you know, your gender and whatnot, it is also, you know, the kinds of things that you are sharing with us in the community.

    Carley Hauck  16:52  
    So I'm, I mean, I know, we have a bunch of questions, and I'm gonna keep us on time. But I have to pivot here, because I feel I feel really intrigued about how you've created this. So psychological safety is something that I've been studying and I is one of the very first things that I do when I am assessing a team or a company. And I believe that it is the foundation that really needs to be prioritized first, but it's not easy to do. So I feel curious, how have you been able to cultivate this and have six years of this safe space? Because that's, that's pretty magical. We can say that that's happening on Twitter or Facebook. So yeah, tell me more.

    Enrique Rubio  17:40  
    I think it was like about three years ago, we set something on LinkedIn. And some people said, This is no right for you to say, and I can remember what it was. I don't even think it was something that we said, I think we shared something by a person that we didn't know that well, as somebody was like that person. You know, it's not talking, you know, really well about women in the workplace, you know, sounds a little bit misogynistic. And this is what I did, I left the thing posted. And I said, we disagree with this. And I'm gonna leave it posted, because I want everybody to get their own impression, but I don't agree with this. And I apologize, because we made a mistake, by giving this person a voice. I'm not going to take it down right now. Because there's already a conversation going on about this, which is, which is that healthy conversation to have, by the way, when you when you miss, will you mess up? But to me, the point is that it's happened to us in six years, it's only happened to us maybe like two or three times that I've made a mistake like that. And what I do say on it, you know, I just say I'm sorry, you know, I messed up. And, and I am sorry, I'm learning. You know, there was something like like, let me give you another example, right? You talked about diversity in our panels. It was it was not always that way, about four years ago, the only kind of diversity that I was very cared about. And it's not that I just care about that. But the only the only kind of diversity that I care about when it came to the panels that I was putting together was gender diversity. So I always wanted to make sure that there were at least an equal number of female speakers than male speakers. But then everything looked white, everything looked the same. And people were like, there's nobody, you know, with a different skin color in there. And Rick, you are a Latino man. And there are no Latino, Latin X people in those panels that are no women of color. There are no people with at least a disability that they can publicly say that they have the disability. And I will say dang it. I never thought about that. And you what he said was, you are totally right about this. I thought I was doing the right thing. But obviously I'm falling short of the very things that I'm talking about. I am sorry, I messed up once again, let's move on and this will learn and now we're moving on. So I'm gonna you know is this happened like two or three times in our in our

    Carley Hauck  19:58  
    terminal past Just for a moment, because I just want to acknowledge your humility. And we're going to organize, you know, go into the recipe for what a conscious inclusive leader looks like. But one of the things that, you know, conscious leaders do is is they, they have the awareness to take responsibility for what's mine, for where I made a mistake, apologizing is fabulous. And then of course, correcting learning and growing. So bravo and reggae. Well,

    Enrique Rubio  20:28  
    you know, one thing that I gotta say, is this, right? being self aware, which is a couple of things, it is recognizing, when you've fallen short of your own promises, and the premises that you believe in, when you blatantly, you know, unintentionally make a mistake, or inadvertently make a mistake that hurts people, and then apologizing for that, that, to me is all part of this concept of self awareness. That doesn't mean that inside you, you have a little bit of pride, saying, I still have, you know, like, I still think that this was the right thing to do. But okay, I get it, right. And the way I have tried to operate in this community is just by acknowledging when I make a mistake, when we do something wrong, acknowledge that acknowledge that I may have caused pain in somebody for doing something in the wrong way. And moving on by having learned, you know, not to do the same thing again, but do it better. But, you know, I have to also acknowledge my own my own inner self, right, that that I sometimes I want to be right. And, and I recognize that I am wrong, but I still want to be right. So it's walls that you have inside yourself, right? It's, you know, which one are you feeding, but the reality is that even if you're feeding this kind war, that is that is the wolf that is telling you, you made a mistake, just apologize and move on. crumbles are falling out to the other wall saying, Yeah, but I still want to be right about this, even if I am not. So this, this matters, because sometimes we try so many leaders, and we're gonna talk about conscious leadership, right? But so many leaders try to project an image of something they are not, they try to sweep their mistakes under the short comments under the rug, instead of just saying, I messed up, I am sorry, you know, I made I made a mistake, I did something wrong, I hurt people. And this is how I am planning to move on to never let this thing happen again, and to make sure that we course correct in a different direction. But nothing, we nothing that we do. Nothing ever will take us back to the way things were before. I cannot you know, I'm not like Superman flying in the opposite direction of the rotation of the Earth, trying to, you know, go back in time, right. And I'm saying this because they watched I rewatched the movie recently. You know, like, superhero, Superman, number one, you know, with Christopher Reeve, you know, I love I love him back. But yeah, you can go back in time, all you got to do is be Yeah, show up. Yeah, recognize and own your stuff on your mistakes, say, apologize and say how you're going to be moving on from that. I love that. That's part of how we build safety in hacking HR.

    Carley Hauck  23:12  
    I was going to come back to that, but you just summarized it. Yes, that's how you created safety is that you have strong leadership, that is modeling what you want the rest of the community to showcase. And I some other piece that I wanted to bring up. And then I'd love to move into conscious leadership a little more deeply. But I know you and I are going to be speaking to the idea of this collective intelligence, and how leaders are really about leading together, you know, you're a founder, I'm a founder. But ultimately, that's a lot of responsibility. Right? And you couldn't have this community without other leaders without other people, you know, showing up in supporting you to maybe see your blind spots to help make decisions. And I really think it's again, about acknowledging I don't have all the answers. Here I am, I am human, which means I'm messy, and I'm gonna make mistakes. And I need support, you know, otherwise, I will burn out because even though you're part Superman, with all your ultra marathon running, you're not fully Superman, and I'm not Superwoman. So on that, on that thread, I open it up to any reactions, but then I'd love to move us into some conscious leadership.

    Enrique Rubio  24:33  
    Yeah, well, you know, actually, my only reaction is this. If you if you or any of your listeners go now to any of the things that we're doing hacking HR, if you didn't know that I was the founder. You wouldn't know that I was involved in this thing at all, because what I built was a platform to give other people a voice in front of our community. Yes, I put I've put a lot of energy time, effort money into building this, but we're rarely do you see me speaking in any of our own events moderating any of our events? Rarely do you see my name in anything that we do? It is it is the community, you know, even when I post something that I create myself, and and I post it on on our LinkedIn channel, I use, you know, how can HR because I want to make sure that is the brand, that is the community that is engaging in these kinds of conversations and interactions are not necessarily with me. And I love that, you know, because I think I build something that gives people the opportunity to connect with each other and expand and share and amplify their voice. And to me, that's, that's, that's, you know, ultimately, you know, part of what, what I what I wanted to do by design, you know, give other people the voice because I don't have not only do I, I don't have all the answers, I have more questions than I have answers about anything. So, so yeah, you know, that I just wanted to say that because, you know, it, I see other groups, especially in the space of HR, where it's, it feels like a cold, you know, to personality, you know, like a goal to their founder or their leader. And they gotta, you know, like, no, that's not what I want to do, you know, I mean, a different game, you know, here, I mean, a different kind of thing here.

    Carley Hauck  26:16  
    Well, then that gives it more life, because then you don't have to hold it. All right, yeah, you can, it can continue to create this, you know, this life of its own. So lovely. Well, I'd love to talk a little bit about leadership and conscious leadership, because that's what I have studied a lot in the last 10 years. It's what I wrote my book on. And I wanted to bring into this this framework that I have studied and validated. Because this framework is something that you write a lot about, ironically, before we met, I was reading, you know, hacking, HR, and just so many of the things that you speak about compassion and self awareness, and resilience and well being, I thought, I think Enrique is my brother from another mother hair. So let's, let's talk about that a little more openly. So I've distilled nine different leadership traits, that when people are cultivating these on a continuum, it actually showcases in how will they show up as a leader, how they are able to lead the business lead teams, and it actually creates more psychological safety, more trust, more empathy, more teamwork. I've, you know, really dialed in these assessments. So I know that this framework works, but I'll just read through them briefly. And then I'd love to hear which one or two do you feel like you've really honed and which ones are areas for growth for you right now. And, you know, I imagine it's, it's kind of had ranges, and you might be stronger in these right now. But maybe we're stronger in them for today, for example. So self awareness, self management, empathy, resilience, humility, we already know you've got a lot of humility, self belonging, which is including the dimensions of self love, self compassion, self forgiveness, self acceptance, physical well being and psychological well being, I really see them as being distinct, but they're interconnected. What do you think, Enrique, where are you strongest? And where do you have places for growth? And those nine,

    Enrique Rubio  28:40  
    I think, my, I think I am, you know, in a very good place, when it comes to physical Well, being a psychological well being, I think I take very good care of my body, I am a, I am a competitive runner. And I do invest a lot in in the steam feed, and I'm strong and healthy. So I try to make sure that my mind is fed with good stuff, you know, and, yeah, you know, I read the news, and I, you know, I get upset and take attendance. And I, you know, I get upset on my partner and, you know, we fight and you know, we do and my cats and we get upset at each other, but I try to, you know, make sure that I keep, you know, a good level of, of psychological well being and physical well being of course, so that's one. Resilience, I think would be probably the other one.

    Carley Hauck  29:39  
    Can I go into that a little deeper because I love to infuse this podcast with tips. We all learn from one another. So I hear you're a competitive runner. So that's one way you're really nourishing your physical body and you run in the hills in Flagstaff, which is where I went to grad school. So I think we would have met At some point, because I would have gone back there. But how else are you taking care of this of this temple? And then I'd love to hear more about how you're nurturing the mind. You're I hear you're feeding the Good Wolf. Not the bad wolf. But But how else?

    Enrique Rubio  30:18  
    Yeah, yeah. Well, you know, on the physical side is both nutrition and fitness. So I am actually a vegan. So I'm a plant based. Oh, nice. Yeah, well, I've been I've been a vegan for 15 years. And, you know, I respect what people end up eating and what they do. But I think that we need to take a very hard look at what we are putting into our bodies, right? I mean, you will not if you need an oil change for your car, you are not going to donate, you know, crap, right, you want to make sure there is good oil that gets your car, going for the long run. And we're putting crap in our bodies. So you know, sugar, alcohol, smoke, tobacco, you know, things of the kind that we know, destroy our temple, like you said before, so it is, to me it is fitness and nutrition, for the physical side of things and psychological well being, you know, it's just being aware, you know, I'm being being aware of, of the kind of things that I'm thinking about. I do have negative thoughts, I think like everybody else, and I try to remove them as soon as possible from my mind, so that they don't, you know, either way, you know, the good stuff that I think I, I have to give. So that's, that's, that's one that and I think it's more, you know, it's for people, it's an exercise of looking inward and saying, you know, am I, you know, how am I taking care of my body and my mind, right, it's this, this ultimately, the question you should be asking yourself. And then the second, the second, sort of, kind of, like quality, that I think I have, you know, perhaps hone down as best as I can is resilience, you know, it is being a founder, like you said before, and, you know, being in this work, you know, it doesn't come it's not easy, you know, and I chose a space, by the way that is very hard, you know, as HR is not easy. HR is, is tough, because we've done things in the same way for a very long time. People don't believe in HR. And, you know, there's a lot of work to do. And sometimes, you know, even though I've been doing hacking HR for six years, it's not that every that all the time I'm, I'm on a, you know, like, like an all time high inspiration, energy level, right? Sometimes I'm like, to hell with this man. I'm just, I'm just quitting this and then doing something else. And then the next day is like, calm down. Yeah, you know, yesterday wasn't a good day. But today, it's gonna be a good day, you know, I'm always, you know, like, something happens that I'm like, alright, you know, I mean, this, this came up out of the blue, and it made my day, right, like, you know, sometimes I'm upset about something. And I don't know why the universe, you know, has a person sending me an email saying, like, and Rica, thank you so much, because this event was the best event that I've ever done in my life, but whatever. And I'm like, alright, well, maybe I'm upset about yesterday, whatever it was, but this person made up made my day today with this one common, right. And I think that's how I've built resilience, right? It's knowing that not every day will look the same, some days will be great, some other days will be really bad. And for the most part, you're going to be moving up and down. And as long as you believe in your long term vision about in my case, building up large community and bringing people together, as long as you believe in that, you know, that the doubt of today, you know, will turn into an app tomorrow. And that's the way it's gonna go.

    Carley Hauck  33:48  
    Thank you. Thank you so much for sharing that. So physical Well, being psychological well, being, resilience, having that growth mindset, and one of the questions that I like to ask for myself when things you know, don't go in the way that I would like, I always say, Well, how is this for me? How is this for me right now? Which in another way is how do I learn from this? Yeah, I see this expression on your face. What does that mean?

    Enrique Rubio  34:18  
    You know, I think all of us, you know, have gone through through some stuff in life. And, you know, let me give you one example of this. Right. I, in one of my last corporate jobs, I had a boss who was you know, there are bosses that are bad, but they are not evil. They are just bad bosses. Right? I mean, they are they don't know,

    Carley Hauck  34:40  
    they're messy people leading this horrible leading from their own hurt. Yeah, but

    Enrique Rubio  34:45  
    but there are there are people that truly go out of their way to harm all their evil, and we can deny that there are evil people in the world, even when you see things, you know, with a more kind of like positive, you know, standpoint. plans and I had a Yeah. And I had a boss that was evil, you know, he, you know, he would go out of his way to harm people around him. And when he quit that job, took me some time to detox from from that environment, because it was a very toxic environment, but it took me some time. But then he left. And I am left with this right now, I know that I know some of the qualities that I would love to see in great leaders. And it's like, it's like, you know, it's like a blank canvas that you're painting. And for now, all I have painted is like, maybe one tree over here, the sun over there, you know, maybe a couple of people over here. So it's, there's a lot of things that have to paint on the what great leadership looks like, right, I have, I still have to add a lot of touches to it. But I already completed the paint of what I think of leadership looks like. And I completed the paint, because I went through that. And whenever I think of him, I think of that very dark Canvas, you know, with with a lot of, you know, negativity going in there. And what I tell people is like, you can have all these qualities to be a great leader. But these are the ones that I know for sure would make you a crappy leader. And that's what he learned from that experience. So the way you know, I just tried as much as they can to make sure that every experience for me turns even even if not at the moment, whenever it happens, that it turns into something where that that can help me grow, you know, that can, even if it doesn't help me grow, that becomes a story. You know, that becomes an experience that I can share with others going forward. So no, this is not always possible. And especially it's almost impossible in the moment in the heat of the moment. But you get there talking about my cats, by the way that I talked about before. You don't know about this, but I rest I think I mentioned to you in our preparation call, I rescued four kittens that were left behind my house by their mom, I don't know what happened. I've never been a pet person. I've never been a cat person. And these four kittens stole my heart. I don't know how I'm gonna do when they grow. But I'm not here. For anybody listening. I'm just showing two Akerley, one of them on the screen. One is Laurie. And they are about six weeks old and they are the most loving beings ever. So I just showed him on the screen because all of them can now climb up on my chair when I'm working and they just lay down on my lap. So anyway, just wanted to show Laurie Do you share Laurie Look at her. She's incredibly beautiful. She looks like like a tiger with blue eyes. So stop. What are you sure on the on the promo for this podcast?

    Carley Hauck  37:44  
    Have a picture of Enrique and Lori. Did I say her name? Right.

    Enrique Rubio  37:48  
    Laurie? Yeah. Laurie as my girlfriend's name. Yeah. So okay, I named her after Laurie.

    Carley Hauck  37:54  
    Cute, cute. Well, thank you, I can completely relate to your story around, you know, having this I like to call them unconscious, right, because we have parts of ourselves that are conscious in their unconscious. But if we're leading from the unconscious parts that are hurting, and it sounds like in this particular case, this person was probably conscious of some of the ways that they were going out of their way to hurt. But there's always ways that were being interpreted, that we don't realize and I studied a lot of unconscious leaders to be able to distill what is a conscious leader personally and professionally. And that could be a whole, a whole other conversation. But I really appreciated what you were sharing and just to kind of jump in with you. I also really focus on my psychological and physical well being and without it. I just see well being as the foundation I'm also a vegan. I've not been a vegan as long as you have but in my book, because I'm so passionate about this being something that we all need to be really practicing eating less meat or being completely vegan. I amplify three different leaders and companies that are vegan based companies. Just ag Josh Tetrick is is one of the leaders I highlight in my book shine and then rebel. When Cheryl Laughlin was the CEO and rebel is a complete pally plant based superfood. I think they're using almost all recyclable plastic bottles now as well. They were definitely on that on that pivot when I interviewed her like five years ago for the book. And then the other one is, is David Young, who has Omni foods, which is actually based out of Hong Kong. So wanted to get a diverse landscape but all of those companies have gone like rocket, the style, startup pace and it's just really incredible to see The impact that they're making in the world because they were they were very small when I chose them to be leaders in the book. And also, just to give a little sneak peek, Dan Buettner, who was a friend and colleague who came out recently with a Netflix series on Blu. So he's actually going to be on the podcast, and he's fantastic. So Dan, Dan is going to be sharing more about the research and I love this research. And it's just, I hope it really ignites and amplifies people to, to take care of their health, because if we're eating more in attunement with nature, and what's gonna support all beings to thrive, then the planet's gonna get healthier. And for that we get to steward her better.

    Enrique Rubio  40:49  
    Yeah, it's interesting that we're going back to the basics in so many different ways. Right, the, you know, the basics of leadership, the basics of being a good human being the basics of, you know, how we eat, and our relationship to the, to the planet is, which is funny, because sometimes are not enough for me actually, it's ironic, that sometimes I see some people coming up with like, you know, we got to do things in this way. And I'm like, Yeah, you know, like Native Americans, for example, have known that for 10,000 years, you know, ancient civilizations of, you know, the, you know, this Saharan, northern part, or the, or the Asian continent have known this for 1000s of years, right. So we're not, we're just like rebranding things that we've known for a long time. And, you know, I mean, hopefully, that works. But we just have to acknowledge that some of these ideas of reconnecting to nature to food, even the blue zones that Dan talks about, you know, this is ancient knowledge, you know, I mean, it's been live for so long, not because they read, you know, you know, health magazine, you know, printed in New York, is because they've done this for a long time, and they know how it works.

    Carley Hauck  42:04  
    It's like we fell asleep, right? We were we were feeding the bad wolf. We were well, we weren't listening to our wisdom we were, we were getting focused on all the marketing, all the advertising that's telling us to go outside of ourselves to find happiness by buying this by buying that, which is, which is not true. So, gosh, we could we could talk about lots of things. But let me let me move us back to I would really love to talk more about the expectations for leadership. Because as we're hacking HR, and as we as a function, human resources, how do we change that word, but we'll get into that later. Human Renaissance? Let's do that. So when we think about are we setting leaders up? I think about this a lot, because I really want to solve for the leadership gap. And are we actually setting leaders up to succeed? Are expectations too high of them? And do they actually have the skill sets to be conscious? Because, you know, if, if we're stressed, we all are stressed? We all sometimes feel overextended, overwhelmed, it's really hard to lead from that wise place, conscious place. If we don't actually have time to rest and recover if if we don't have these compassionate, safe spaces, to be vulnerable to say, oops, made a mistake here. What do you think about that?

    Enrique Rubio  43:45  
    We have built a self reinforcing cycle of bullshit. And I'm sorry for using that word.

    Carley Hauck  43:54  
    By the way, tend to post you can even use the F word here. It's all good.

    Enrique Rubio  43:58  
    Really. All right. Well, thank you. Because I use a lot of words like that. I like it. You know, I don't know why I feel like you know, they give you give it a little bit of a flavor to the conversation. But I think we've we've created a cycle, a self reinforcing cycle of bullshit, where leaders demand more from people that is unsustainable and unhealthy. People demand more from leaders, which is unsustainable and unhealthy. The shareholders do the same thing. Wall Street is doing the same thing. And and then nobody or just a handful of people not but mostly nobody, at least at a high high level, is saying, Stop a stop for one day. Stop this madness. And let's find out where the cycle is reinforcing itself with with all this bullshit. This happened during the pandemic, the pandemic was an opportunity for us to reset. The pandemic basically told us that we are not in control of most things that we thought we were in control off And it pretty much said to us, you have to stop, stop the cycle. And yes, it didn't have anything to do with, you know, also stopping the cycle at all, it was something completely different. But it gave us an opportunity to reset. What did we do with that awful opportunity, but ended up being an opportunity, what do we do with it? We operate it in a very different way from 2020 to 2020, like the end of 2021, couple of years being more human, more kinder, more compassionate, more understanding, more loving, towards each other

    Carley Hauck  45:31  
    planes as much as much writing Yeah, what

    Enrique Rubio  45:35  
    happening, what happened in 2022, we went back to normal, we are supposed to enter into a recession, let's lay off all these people, let's force them back into the office, they are not beat. So it's all the same jargon, the same self reinforcing cycle that we had, before the pandemic, that the pandemic gave us an opportunity to reset. So the truth is, I don't even know what the take for us to say, we have to stop this madness, the exploit exploitation of people, the exploitation of the planet, the exploitation of animals, we have to stop this madness is just that is so hard, you know, like you don't know where to begin this. I see the newer generations, the younger generations been way more socially engaged, and more socially conscious about what they do to their own bodies, what they do to the planet, and what they do to each other. And I am hoping that we can use that as leverage to reset.

    Carley Hauck  46:34  
    Thank you for sharing all of that. I wholeheartedly agree. And I, one of my mentors who wrote the foreword for my book, Lynne twist, who's a big steward of planet, she, when I first heard her talk, she would say we have to hospice out these old systems and structures that don't work. So I feel like we're still in this space that things are crumbling, we're creating the new foundation. But like you said, these this younger generation, you know, the the Gen z's, the millennials, they are in the the biggest, or they are the biggest work force that we have. And the more that they're either building companies, starting companies, or they're just speaking out about what they don't want. Yeah, that makes the Foundation have to be rebuilt.

    Enrique Rubio  47:28  
    Yeah. Well, you know, there's scientific philosopher, his name is Thomas Kuhn, an American philosopher in the 1960s, he wrote a book called The Structure of Scientific Revolutions. And yes, you know, lots of claims in the book and lots of backlash about different things about how scientific revolutions and the change from one way of doing things to another actually happen. But this is ultimately what he said. He said, Well, you have a theory in place, and there that theory cannot explain any more, what you are observing in the real world, meaning the theories is falling short, to, to explaining what you are observing, a crisis happens, a revolution emerges. And a new theory has to take place, that that includes the old, and also the new. And I think right now we are at an inflection point where we're going through a social or political or financial crisis of sorts, where we are like a snake that is ditching the old skin and trying to, you know, do the do new, right. We are, there are many of us that are trying to ditch the old skin, you know, we're trying to ditch the old models that we know don't work anymore, that are very powerful groups of people that are clinging to those old models. And we know they don't work. But I think eventually we are going to be at a place where we are like, alright, this is the new, we're not forgetting the old. We're just embracing the new and I'm hoping that we can get there.

    Carley Hauck  48:57  
    Well, I would love to continue this conversation. There's so many so many threads I'd love to follow up with. But for our time today, I know that you're going to be trying to solve for some of this, and hacking HR. This is where this community this collective intelligence is coming together. And you have a summit that is starting in October, and I'm going to be part of that summit. I'm so excited. I'll be on one of the panels.

    Enrique Rubio  49:24  
    But we have we actually have a lot of events coming up. You know, in October, we have the every month we do a hacking HR series. And next month, which is you know, in October so we're recording this at the end of September. Next month, we have the October series and it's called Hacking October series. The soft is a strategy so we're going to be talking about how soft quote unquote soft skills impact business performance and strategy and you know, productivity and results and whatnot. So I am super excited about the conversation because it pertains to people to culture, to soft skills and all that?

    Carley Hauck  50:05  
    Well, I will be putting a link in the show notes because it's free people people can join for free. And the panel that I'll be on is about building a foundation of mental well being and adaptability and corporate culture on October 17. And we kind of spoke to some of that today. So I have lots of ideas to share. Enrique, this was so amazing. Is there anything else you want to leave our listeners with or anything that you'd love to have them? You know, see, so they can find you

    Enrique Rubio  50:35  
    join us on hugging HR on LinkedIn, follow me on LinkedIn, and you know, just be part of the good stuff that we're talking about.

    Carley Hauck  50:44  
    Thank you so much.

    Unknown Speaker  50:45  
    Thank you. Thank you so much.

    Carley Hauck  50:48  
    Before we end, these are some questions I have been pondering on quite a lot. And Enrique and I didn't have time to discuss on the air, but I wanted to share them aloud as inflection points with a few solutions. What are the expectations we have of leaders right now? Is the bar set too high? Based on the skill sets they have to operate from? And the conditions they are working with inside? And outside the organization? Are we equipping our leaders to meet the challenges and expectations of managing remote distributed teams with the right skill sets and the right support and resources? And lastly, how do we solve for burnout inside organizations? These are big problems that I believe everyone can come together with our collective intelligence to solve. But the way that we solve for some of them, is we invest in learning and development. Learning and Development pays dividends. In so many ways. We know that in this distributed remote workforce. It not only supports people to connect, and opportunities to grow within the company. But it supports engagement. It helps people to feel like they're being invested in their professional and their personal growth at work, which is a very high value for most employees. If you want to retain your employees, if you want to build community, you will invest in learning and development. And we need to do it in a way that gives people time to actually take advantage of the learning of the training. One idea that I'm proposing is that we empower people of all levels to block off their calendar for learning. It showcases to their team, they're in learning mode. And it could be that we offer an amount of 10 hours a month that they are devoted to learning. And this actually can be linked to what great performance looks like at the company. Leaders are learners and we all have the opportunity to be leaders as a way of solving for burnout. What do we think about enforcing a four day workweek? I know thread up which is one company I really love and had been following has implemented this, and some other companies have found great benefits to employee wellbeing. What about the idea of creating an untouchable day for everyone? Hence the benefit of a four day workweek? Let's face it with all the responsibilities of home, family and work. What if we had one extra day to just breathe, to be to enjoy? Would we show up at work in our relationships at home more resourced, more creative, with more play and well being? I imagine we would. And what do you think about implementing no meetings one day a week? How would we empower employees to also opt out of meetings if there is no agenda set? All the research shows that more meetings leads to exhaustion, lack of engagement and then more meetings. So what if we instead really empowered folks to have no meetings one day a week, and to opt out of meetings when there wasn't a clear agenda set for why they needed to attend. September is Self Care Month. And as we are still resetting, recovering from the last couple years, but even the decade before that, of not focusing on a people centered strategy, it's so important that we upskill our leaders with the resources to be able to prioritize for self care, so that they can lead themselves well, and then lead others well. This is the priority of leadership and manager effectiveness that I see now and into the near future. Leaders need to be leading together and relying on the collective intelligence and leadership of those above them, beside them and below them. This is leading its scale. And it requires a high degree of some of the conscious leadership competencies that Enrique and I spoke about before self awareness, resilience, humility, so that we can empower others, and lead together inspiring networks of teams to lead. Thank you, Enrique for joining me in this conversation and building a community where the human Renaissance professionals can come together to help solve people problems for the greatest good of organizations and the world. Do you want to grow your inner game so you can be a conscious leader at work life and in the world? Here are three ways come to the hacking HR summit in October, the link will be in the show notes. And I will be speaking with a group of wonderful leaders October 17, on the topic, cultivating resilience, building a foundation of mental well being and adaptability in corporate culture. This will be at 9am to 10am. Pacific Standard Time, go get my book, and hard copy or audiobook shine has been voted as one of the top 10 books to read and 22 I know it's 23. But if you didn't read it, and 22 Let me tell you, I wrote this book for this time. It is my legacy. And it will stand the test until we've solved for some of these big problems. And lastly, are you seeking a passionate people leader who wants to build and partner with senior leadership and the executive team on a people first culture where people and business are intertwined, and this can both thrive? I am your next great leadership hire. And I am so excited to serve the right team and company right now. If you missed the last podcast episode, I was interviewed by CEO Coco brown. You can learn more about the internal director above level role I am seeking the results I have provided to cutting edge companies as an HR consultant Learning and Leadership Development Professional, what I can contribute now. And the link of that podcast episode is in the show notes. I would love to have a conversation with you to be introduced to new opportunities and people. Thank you so much for your support. And if you enjoyed this episode, please share it with friends, family or colleagues. We're all in this together and sharing is caring. If you have questions, comments or topics you would like to address about the podcast or other conversations, please email me at support at Carley hauck.com And finally, thank you for tuning in and being part of this community. I have several incredible interviews coming up on the shine podcast. So make sure you're subscribed and until we meet again. Be the light and shine your light

     

    Shine
    enOctober 04, 2023

    69. What are the most needed leadership skills to create a healthy organizational culture in 2024 with Carley Hauck & Coco Brown

    69. What are the most needed leadership skills to create a healthy organizational culture in 2024 with Carley Hauck & Coco Brown

    This Shine podcast interview kicks off Season 6.  The number 1 priority for HR in 2023 and 2024 is leadership and manager effectiveness.  The current and future talent are assessing companies differently than before.  People and especially high performers are looking at a company’s commitment to diverse leadership, how the senior leadership is walking their talk, psychological safety, professional development, and continued growth opportunities within the company.   A company's continued relevance, success, and expansion will be based on the consciousness of the leaders it grows and retains.  In this podcast, learn how you can prioritize and design a learning and leadership strategy for long game success.  We talk about the successful learning and leadership program results I have directed and why I am your next great leadership hire. Experience a powerful awareness practice you can use to foster greater well being, inclusion and belonging in yourself, your relationships and at work. This inspiring episode will support you to advocate for learning and leadership development as a must have, rebuild the manager pipeline, and skill up the next generation of leaders to create a purposeful and healthy organization that is thriving.   

     

    Episode Links:

    Athena salon- Becoming a Conscious Leader: The Skills You Need to Create a healthy organization in 2024. 

    LinkedIn

    SHINE Links: 

    Thank you for listening. Want to build a high trust, innovative, and inclusive culture at work? Sign up for our newsletter and get the free handout and be alerted to more inspiring Shine episodes 

    Building Trust Free Gift

    Carley Links:

    LinkedIn

    Consultation Call with Carley

    Book Carley for Speaking

    Leading from Wholeness Learning & Development

    Carley’s Book

    Executive Coaching with Carley 


    Well Being Resources:

    Inner Game Meditations 

    Inner Game Leadership Assessment

     

    Social: 

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    Website

    Shine Podcast Page

     

    IMPERFECT SHOW NOTES

    Hi, my name is Carley Hauck and I am host of the shine podcast. This podcast has been flickering strong since May 2019. I began the podcast due to all the research I was conducting. In interviews with organizational leaders, lead scientists, academic researchers and spiritual teachers for my new book shine, ignite your inner game to lead consciously at work in the world. I wrote my book to inspire a new paradigm of conscious leadership and business that was in service of higher purpose to help humans flourish, and regenerate our planet. The podcast focuses on the science and application of conscious inclusive leadership, the recipe for high performing teams and awareness practices that you can cultivate to be the kind of leader our world needs now. I will be facilitating two to three episodes a month. And before I tell you about the theme of our season, please go over to Apple podcasts, hit the subscribe button on shine or go to your favorite podcast platform carrier. That way you don't miss one episode. Thank you. This season is going to be focused on what leadership skills are most needed to create a healthy organizational culture. 

     

    Leadership and manager effectiveness has been deemed the number one priority for HR in 23. And every person listening, whether you have a formal leadership title, or not, you are a leader. We all have the responsibility to lead around something that we care about whether it's at home with our family, and our communities, and or in the workplace. I believe in you. And I am so delighted to share with you such an incredible group of people and interviews that I have gathered for this season. I handpick every single guest based on their embodiment of conscious, inclusive leadership and the positive impact they're making. I am delighted you are here. And onto the podcast.

     

    Currently, I'm really excited to be interviewing you today. I think it's fabulous for the podcaster to be the podcast it and and I know I suggested the idea that I that I interview you for your beautiful podcast, largely because I believe in you and I'm excited about you and your future and, and so much of what you do and what you're talking about is resonates tremendously with what we do at Athena and what I'm all about. So I'm just by way of introduction, I'm the I'm the founder and CEO of Athena Alliance, which is an amazing community of over 1200 senior women leaders who are building a portfolio of impact, who are lifelong learners who are invested in learning agility, who are building the next paradigm for what it means to be a leader. So so many of the things that we're doing resonate with what you do. Thank you.

    And I'm delighted to be a member of Athena, and so touched by your sponsorship and your own leadership. 

     

    Well, let's get started. So Carley, maybe you can tell us a little bit about who you are.

    Thank you. So I wear many different roles and identities like many people, but I'll start with I'm a daughter, proud, auntie, a sister, climate leader, a book mama. And I'm also a founder of a leadership and development consultancy. And I started this business which is more important for the conversation we'll have today. So I'll speak a little bit more about it, leading from wholeness. I began in 2010. And I have worked not only as the founder, but then the director of learning leadership and organizational development. And this consultancy empowers people with the skills to create flourishing and human centered organizations that are aligned with a deeper purpose about caring for people and planet. Not I just profit. And in the last decades and starting this business, I have had the great privilege to exclusively partner with internal senior stakeholders. Top companies like LinkedIn, Capital One Asana, think to the west. I've been an adjunct instructor at Stanford for over nine years. I've also served adventhealth, Pixar, Clif Bar Genentech, and so many other incredible leaders and companies, on the cutting edge of everything, I mean, these are truly transformative companies too. And here you are in the middle of transformation. Currently, you have worked with so many incredible companies over the 12 years that you've been building up your practice and your confidence and what you bring to this world of learning and development and evolution of senior leadership. Why? Why take that and move it into one company? Now? What? Why not keep experiencing all of these different companies?

     

    Thank you so much for the question. One of the things that I've been really noticing about my, my journey, as a, as a founder and CEO of my consultancy is I have really thrived when I've been able to exclusively partner with one senior leadership team and one company. And for example, I worked in an exclusive partnership with Bank of the West for three and a half years. And the impact that I was able to make across the 9000 person company from the leaders to, you know, individual contributors was incredible. I mean, I know that I impacted 3500 people that I got to meet, you know, and had some real experience and learning and leadership with them. And that's where I felt the best. And I have been really excited for this opportunity to create even more impact, because there are certain roadblocks that you have when you're external. And I knew after that experience that I wanted to be internal. And the other pieces that I have noticed about my personality that I'm much more of a chief people person, you know, supporting the senior leadership team, the greater strategy, the business objectives, but also really making sure that the culture is thriving. And that's being part of the team versus kind of being outside of the team and influencing the team. And I think that my experience and learning and team and leadership development could translate into a director or above role. I also think once I'm inside, I would likely want to explore moving into a chief people officer or chief learning officer role. I also feel that my skill sets could translate into being a chief of staff working alongside either the CEO, the chief people officer, or the chief learning officer helping with strategy, supporting the executive leadership team, executive summits, you know, putting my coaching hat on to help with collaboration. So that's, that's the reason and that's what I'm really excited about in this next professional step.

     

    I love that. What do you love about your work?

    Well, I, I love learning. And I'm always learning in this role. I've worn every single, you know, hat I can imagine around learning and leadership development. But the other thing that I've learned about myself is that I'm I'm really here for transformation. And so I love being able to inspire and ignite the potential in people, teams and culture that really supports the greatest and highest good. And so just to give a quick example, I am working in the hat of a team coach right now for a really wonderful senior leadership team. And they are in the forming so the beginning stages of a team. And like most teams, even though they've they've been working as a team for the last several months. They just jumped right into the deliverables, the business objectives, but they didn't really create the foundation for team effectiveness for you know, what are agreements for communication, how are we going to navigate conflict Are we even creating a Are we even creating a space where we feel safe to speak up to challenge one another. And so, trust was really low, and accountability was really low. And their collective well being was really low, because they're not being very effective with their time. And they haven't set up these really core foundations. But at the end of our very first session, the trust was there, you know, they were creating agreements for psychological safety, and they were starting to get really clear on how they could team best with one another. And so just within 90 minutes, I was able to see them shine, I was able to see the transformation and that is what just makes me feel alive. And and I know that I'm doing the right work.

     

    I resonate with that so much. I have been in that leadership team. I have led that team, you know, so I, I get exactly what you're talking about. And it is, all the early days a bit lost in translation, not understanding how one part one person interprets versus another, and even probably more challenging and difficult when it's when we're less likely to be in person to have any unstructured time together. Mm hmm. Yeah,  the navigation of distributed remote teams is is a whole other challenge that leaders, I don't think have really been trained in how to navigate. Okay, use that word twice. But there it is. Yeah, what? It's a good one, what can you bring to a leadership role? And what problems can you solve? 

     

    My expertise lies in the strategy, human centered design, the direction and facilitation of employee engagement, you know, delivering dei initiatives, team and leadership development programs that really are aligned with the business objectives, but also in supporting a healthy organizational culture. And I have several years of experience designing, building, delivering scaled programs, including in person experiences, virtual learning, incorporating the diagnostics, and the metrics so that we know what outcomes are actually happening as a result of these programs. It also includes executive coaching, group coaching, community building, and then also, you know, partnering with internal stakeholders, and potentially even outside vendors to really support the overall learning and leadership development. I've also directed and managed a team of learning professionals, which might include facilitators, you know, more junior coaches, project managers, instructional designers, I love facilitation, I have over 10,000 hours of facilitating, it's just been one of the gifts I was given when I, you know, got here on this planet, and I love facilitating different courses and team development sessions, and also supporting other facilitators to really step into their strengths as facilitators. And I have also really enjoyed developing and leading efforts to help the company Hone, what kind of culture do we want to build here? And what are the values of the company that we can actually bring into leadership capabilities, so that the people that are leading are actually exemplifying those values and that culture and what they say and what they do, that's really important to me. I also feel like what I can bring to a role is to, you know, be able to share some of the metrics that we're seeing, you know, analyzing participant feedback, program evaluations, looking at the data to identify gaps and make recommendations for program enhancements. 

     

    I have been a lead consultant for three different NIH funded clinical trials. And so I'm a bit of a leadership nerd, but all So a data nerd. And I just think it's always important to be looking at the baseline of where you are, and then measuring over time, qualitatively and quantitatively, what impact these programs these initiatives are actually having. And not just, you know, saying, Oh, we just we just gave a psychological safety keynote. But how is that actually impacting people? How is that creating a sustainable part of the culture where, where people actually feel like they're equipped to have conversations that have a foundation of psychological safety, I think the other thing that I bring is I am a connector, I love people. And so it's been actually really easy for me to connect with C suite leaders, senior stakeholders, I'm always invited in by those people to help solve people problems. And I think influencing those leaders to do what's best for people in the company is something that comes naturally to me, and I've had a lot of success that that was a bit of a mouthful, but I've been doing this work for a long time. But that's what I feel confident I can bring.

     

    Yeah, and clearly engendering a lot of trust, in part because it's illustrated in how you're talking to me now. You're just such a very thoughtful person in all of these things that you've endeavored to do. And you take it extremely seriously. Tell me about it. Tell me about the most successful or I don't know one of the most successful l&d programs that that you've run that you're really excited and proud about.

     

    Wonderful. Well, this was a program that I delivered last year, and it's one of the many, but this one had just some incredible impact. And I was invited to develop a conscious leadership program based off my book, which has a wonderful framework on how to be a conscious, inclusive leader. And my sponsor at Capital One for this program, had met me during my book launch in 2001, and really loved my book. And then we developed this great relationship. And so this particular program was a pilot. I'm a big fan of piloting, we want to pilot to make sure that we see success. And then from there, we can refine, and reiterate and scale. But this was brought to 40 directors and senior directors amidst a really big reorg. So this, in many ways, was the first time that these directors and senior directors were working together. And they were across three different business functions. So tech, product and design, the task of this particular development program was to one kick off the program in a way that senior stakeholders were invested to really make sure that I was coordinating with the, you know, internal Chief of Staff's the program managers, and the communications team so that there was an efficient delivery of the information and also the right leaders were being picked for this program. There was also, you know, different metrics and team assessments and individual assessments. So all of those things needed to go out at the beginning, and to really, again, align with those internal folks to make sure that this program was really seamless. And then the program itself actually was delivered to cohorts of 13 to 14, I find that intimacy in groups is really what creates more impact and lasting change. So you know, less is more. 

     

    And this these cohorts of leaders were high potentials. And they, they were sponsored for the program, but they were also being given the opportunity, you know, to opt out if, it didn't work for them at that time. I think it's really important that people feel like they can say no, even if their company is investing in their learning and leadership. And so essentially what the program look like it was over six months, it included bi weekly group facilitation, coaching, asynchronous learning, with videos, audios, pure exercises, and then there were 12 different modules that included knowledge, practice feedback, or flexion. And this is all to support integration and habit formation. And the results of the program were really astounding, I was taking, you know, again, baseline, and then we had a mid assessment. And then we had the assessment at the very end to see what the impact was. All participants increased four out of nine important leadership competencies, which is incredible, because they were only asked to invest in one to two. And each person kind of knew their ranking on where they were high and where they were low in these nine leadership competencies that I've done a lot of research around to know that these are the skills that actually support leaders to be conscious, inclusive leaders and therefore create high performing teams trust, psychological safety, all these wonderful things that we all need and want. At the end of the program, there was a 47% increase in psychological safety, there was a 25% increase in effective decision making, there was a 74% increase in empathy, which is huge, because that's something that most of us need more support in, there was a 59% increase in self awareness and resilience, there was a 20 to 30% increase in employee engagement. And then at the end of the program, we were able to see 20 to 30% increase in career mobility. So that is a program I feel really proud of.

     

    That's amazing. Tell us if so I think I missed the part. But tell us what are the skills and competencies you mentioned? There are nine, what are the skills and competencies leaders need to succeed at the intersection of people culture and strategy? Well, the the nine

    that I've researched, and I wrote about in my book shine, are really focusing on what we are cultivating on the inside, because what we're cultivating on the inside shows up on the outside. In other words, the inner game rules, the outer games. And not only what I found in this program, but what I feel is really relevant for what leaders need now is I'll just kind of quickly go into the nine but then I'll bring in some of the research and what I what I think companies could really benefit from investing in right now. And so self awareness is key self management, empathy, resilience, which is having that growth mindset. I'm a big believer in well, being psychological and physical well being are two of those nine conscious leadership capabilities, humility, self belonging, and some folks might not know what that means. 

     

    But self belonging was four different aspects of belonging to the self, which is self forgiveness, self love, self acceptance, self compassion, because if we're not able to give those to ourselves, and we can't give it to others, and then we tend to be more reactive, impatient, you know, aggressive leaders versus conscious and inclusive. And then lastly, mindfulness, which really allows us to pay attention to the present moment. And that supports us in having effective decisions and looking at the consequences of our actions, not for the short term, but the long game. And so those those are the nine.

     

    Let's see incredible. What are the skills and competencies that you feel leaders need now to succeed at the intersection of people culture and strategy? This is such a great question. One of my favorite things to speak about. So before I answer in full, I'm just gonna share a little bit of research on some of the trends that I've been looking at in learning in HR. So the first one is that the number one priority for HR in 2023 is manager and leadership effectiveness. But as we know, this won't be solved in 2023, especially that we're in September of 2023. Because it's a really hard nut to crack. And I believe that it's going to be a long game solution. And additionally, LinkedIn found research that 94% of employees say that they would invest and stay at a company longer if it was prioritizing learning and leadership development. So I need both of those because I think what is so important and vital is that LMD has sometimes been kind of a niche business unit, you know, sometimes lumped in with HR sometimes standing on its own, but I believe that all companies from now until At the end of need to prioritize, and really commit to investing in learning and leadership development, so that businesses are able to succeed in creating healthy organizations. And the reason for that is that we are living in a time of increasing complexity and disruption, and the skills and aspects of leadership from the past, they really don't align with the future of work or more human centered workplace. You know, the command and control authority or authoritarian leader is not going to support what young workers want. And it's not going to support this more compassionate, empathetic workplace, that so many Chief People officers are speaking to. 

     

    I mean, I've heard everywhere from, you know, the Chief People Officer pay Powell to the Chief People Officer at Microsoft to Satya Nadella at Microsoft empathy is one of the number one people skills that we need. So therefore, we have to develop a different set of skills. And the other thing that's really important for companies to succeed in culture is that young people really want to work for a company that has purpose, in other words, where the company, and the outcome that they're making in the world is about healing, not about harming. So when we even look at a company like Patagonia, where, you know, earlier this year, the CEO said, we're giving away you know, every profit that Patagonia makes, is going to plan it now, that is showcasing a really strong consciousness at the leadership level. And I don't expect that all companies will be able to follow in those footsteps, but it is definitely a North Star. So the other thing that I would say, to answer that question of, you know, what are what are the skills needed? Well, the leaders are the custodian of culture. So again, going back to what we're cultivating on the inside is showing up on the outside. So people are going to follow the leaders example. And therefore we need to prioritize the focus of inner development of people leaders. 

     

    And I would say across the board, you know, even individual contributors need to learn a basic foundation of self awareness, self management, social awareness, relationship skill, so that they can listen, they can empathize with one another, they can collaborate, they can communicate. So I would say to create a really thriving culture, we need to invest in the leaders, but we also need to give a basic level of people skills to the whole company, and that's going to support a thriving culture. Managers need to have, I think, a basics in coaching foundations, you know, working as an executive and team coach, I just think it's so vital that people know and have positive experiences, having difficult conversations, you know, having healthy conflict conflict is going to happen, can we create healthy conflict is the question, hold people accountable compassionately. And lastly, instill psychological safety in their one on ones in their team culture. And if the senior leadership and manager is not able to do these basic aspects of leading, then I don't believe that the deliverables of the business are going to be solved. And at the end of the day, the organization is not going to be healthy. One of the very first things that I often will assess for is the presence or the absence of psychological safety. And if that isn't there, which in most teams and greater organizations, there are some ranges of where it's present and where it's not. It's really hard to implement change. And it's really hard to innovate. 

     

    And so I'll just kind of leave it at that early, you clearly have so much to offer and have been a deep student of your space. Nothing superficial here at all in your 12 years. Um, outside of organizations while being inside, I think is been a tremendous value to your ability to Research to not just develop your platform and your ideas and not just ideas, but your confidence in, in, in what you know, comes from insights that you have developed through working with many, many, many different teams as opposed to one or two over those years, it's clear that you will bring a ton to the internal role you're looking for. In wrapping this all up, how, how do we learn more about you?

     

    Well, you can reach out to me on LinkedIn, I'm always open to new conversations, opportunities, if anybody, you know, would love to talk to me about a role that they're hiring for, or they're thinking of hiring for I would love to create some time, before we come to an end of this podcast episode, wanted to ratchet the energy down and in with an awareness practice that will serve you to be the best person that you can be. Every podcast episode, I like to bring in practices that we can utilize right away in our life. And only you have control over your response, your behaviors, and how you show up with yourself, then, is transmitted to every other person that you encounter in your life. As you heard, in my conversation with cocoa, I spoke about nine different inner game leadership skills. And they start with each of us. And this framework was developed because of my own deep practice. In these leadership competencies, I started a meditation practice when I was 19. And I spent 13 years with two to three weeks of silence a year. And at the end of last year on my sabbatical, I spent a month in silence. And I share this with you because it is called a practice because it's a constant practice. And I can't stop practicing and expect to continue to be the kind of person that I want to be unless I'm committed to the refining, the learning the growing the healing, because as the world becomes complex, and things keep changing, we need these practices even more. So this particular practice, is one that's going to take about six or seven minutes. 

     

    So if you can't listen to it right now, go ahead and speed up to the end so that you don't miss out on the special resources that I leave at the end. And you can always come back to this later. And if you have time to even just get a sneak peek, you can continue to listen. This is a cleansing practice for the mind and heart. It is a practice for reconciliation, healing and forgiveness. And just to share some of the research behind it. I've been part of several NIH funded clinical trials at UCSF Osher Center for Integrative Medicine. If we want to really create a workplace where there can be healing and care and belonging, then it starts right here. Begin by taking a slow breath through your nose and a slow exhale out. Let's do that a couple times together. Breathing in, breathing out. Breathing in. Breathing out. Do any movement to help you come more and more into your body. And bring your attention to your heart. As you breathe in. Feel the heart opening as you breathe out. Feel the heart healing. Breathing in opening, breathing out healing breathing in opening Breathing out, healing, breathing in, opening, breathing out healing bring to mind any instance that occurred in the last few hours or day in which you were hard on yourself. You were critical. You were unkind to yourself and words and actions and self care. You might not have honored a boundary, you might have not honored your truth.

     

    This is a practice I am inspired to share based on Ho oponopono which is a very old indigenous practice that has been practiced for a long time and the Hawaiian Islands. And it begins like this. saying this to yourself. I am sorry. I forgive myself. Thank you. I love you. I am sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you. I am sorry. I forgive myself. Thank you. I love you. I am sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you. Just notice what's arising in the heart in the body. Now bring this practice to someone in your life that you are having challenge or friction with. I am sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you. I am sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you. I am sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you. Breathing in opening, breathing out, healing, breathing in opening, breathing out. Healing. Now let's bring our practice to Mother Earth. Sweet Mother Earth and all aspects of this planet. The mountains, water, soil, all the beings who inhabit this earth, the plants aquatic life, land life, every aspect of the earth that you have found refuge in enjoyment, sustenance, shelter, place one hand on your heart and up to the sky. And say I am sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you. I am sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you. I am sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you. Long, deep inhale and exhale. letting that go. And lastly, bringing your hands to a part of your body that would benefit from healing touch the back of the neck, the forehead, the cheek, the belly, the heart, anywhere. Breathing in opening, breathing out healing and say these words silently to yourself. This is bringing in a sense of self belonging. I forgive myself I care for my challenges. I love and accept myself as I am. I forgive myself, I care for my challenges. I love and accept myself as I am. I forgive myself, I care for my challenges. I love and accept myself just as I am. And as we come to a close, reminding yourself that you are strong, and courageous, and resilient, and mind, body and spirit. You are strong, courageous, resilient, and mind, body and spirit. And by you prioritizing and committing to your inner growth, you will have such a tremendous positive impact on everyone in your life and the world. Be the light, and shine. And the other thing that I'm feeling very excited about is that some of what we talked about today, what are the skills needed now, to really have people succeed in culture and strategy and leadership is an upcoming workshop and salon that I'm having with you Coco at Athena, and it is called Becoming a conscious leader the skills you need to create a healthy organization in 2024. And we will be offering this for for free to Athena members, but I'll also create a link in the show notes with the discount code shine and capital letters, so that you can attend if you're available on September 28. From noon to one Pacific Standard Time. We'd love to have you join us.

     

    Well, thank you for letting me sort of be the host of your podcasts so that I could interview you for one of your episodes. This was so much fun. Thank you so much Coco, I am delighted to have your sisterhood and your support today. Wow, that was such a treat to be interviewed by Coco Brown. A leader I respect admire so much. Coco is going to be a future guest this season. And I am so excited to share that interview with you. Plus, Don't you just love her name. I haven't told this to Coco, but she's gonna hear it now. I feel like she has this inner rock star diva that is just waiting to come out. I can't wait for that. Listening is one part of learning. But then we need to create practices to instill what we hear into powerful action. So on that note, do you want to grow your inner game so that you can be a conscious leader at work life and in the world? Here are three ways all the links will be in the show notes. One use this podcast. It is a wealth of learning and development and in fact for a lot of the learning and leadership development programs I have offered. I actually resource this podcast as part of the learning the asynchronous learning. 

     

    So there are some incredible leaders and all you have to do is go back to our previous episodes. Go get my book shine. It has been voted one of the best books the top 10 In fact by mindful magazine that you should read in 2022 it is in hard copy and audiobook and it's my voice so if you are resonating with my voice now you might love the audiobook and I would love to hear your reaction of the book. I have not received one bad review and I am grateful. Come for a deeper dive with me and cocoa on September two 28 with our salon that we are offering on becoming a conscious leader. This is through the Athena Alliance membership, but you are going to get a free admission. If you put in the discount code shine in all caps. You can join us on September 28, noon to one Pacific Standard Time and get a sneak peek of what Athena is about and actually meet some of the other incredible powerhouse women that are part of this network. And then a personal ask for me. As you heard, I am so excited and ready to step into a director above level internal role bringing my gifts and passion for culture, and for leadership. I'm currently interviewing with some great companies. 

     

    And as you know, it's all about the network. If you know of someone I should meet, please connect us with us short intro or reach out to me on LinkedIn. If you are aware of opportunities that you think would be a great fit, please send them my way and reach out on LinkedIn. And if I can support you in any of your leadership challenges, please reach out. I love to help people with resources, connections, and deep listening. If you have any questions, comments or topics that you would like me to address, please email me at support at Carly help.com I would love to hear from you. And if you enjoyed this episode, please share it with friends, family or colleagues. We're all in this together and sharing is caring. Thank you for tuning in being part of this community. And until we meet again, my friend, be the light and shine your light

    Shine
    enSeptember 19, 2023

    68. Ask for More- How to Negotiate Fairly with Simina Simion and Carley Hauck

    68. Ask for More- How to Negotiate Fairly with Simina Simion and Carley Hauck

    Description:

    This SHINE podcast interview is with my friend, colleague, and Chief People Officer Simina Simion.  In this interview, Simina and I speak about a few very important themes. First we speak about how we can increase our conscious “inner game” skills to be skillful in asking for what we desire and negotiate anything.  We talk about how we can embody skills of empathy and humility to be compassionate leaders during hiring and layoffs.  I use a powerful coaching framework to guide Simina in how to ask for more in a future negotiation.  Lastly, we share important topics of what you can negotiate for in the initial interview and offer stages of a professional role. This inspiring episode will empower you to own your worth, identify and ask for the tangible and intangible needs you deserve. 

    Episode Links:

    Simina Simion

    Ask for More Book by Alexandra Carter

    How to Ask for a Raise


    SHINE Links:

    Thank you for listening. Want to build a high trust, innovative, and inclusive culture at work? Sign up for our newsletter and get the free handout and be alerted to more inspiring Shine episodes 

    Building Trust Free Gift


    Carley Links:

    LinkedIn

    Consultation Call with Carley

    Book Carley for Speaking

    Leading from Wholeness Learning & Developmen

    Carley’s Book 

    Executive Coaching with Carley

     

    Well Being Resources:

     Inner Game Meditations

    Inner Game Leadership Assessment

     

    Social: 

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    Website 

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    Imperfect Shownotes

    Hi, welcome to the shine podcast. My name is Carley Hauck. I'm your host, this is the fifth season of the shine podcast. I started the shine podcast as a way of doing research for my book on conscious leadership in business. And you will find interviews with scientists, researchers and business leaders on the intersection of conscious inclusive leadership, the recipe for high performing teams and awareness practices. My book debuted in 2021 Shine ignite your inner game of conscious leadership and was voted one of the best books to read in 2022. By mindful magazine, I facilitate two episodes a month of the shine podcast. 

     

    And before I tell you about the topic for today, please go over to Apple podcasts or your favorite podcast carrier and hit the subscribe button so you don't miss any future episodes. The focus of this season is on the essentials for wellbeing. And that encompasses the intersection of our personal well being the collective well being of our workplace, and how that fosters and nurtures the planet's well being they are all connected. I focus on well being this season, because I really want to crack the code and inspire folks to prioritize their individual well being and therefore that will transcend into the collective and the planet's well being. 

     

    And I have developed a inner game leadership assessment that I gave out to 100 different leaders last year. And the leadership assessment is based on the framework of the inner game, which is what we're cultivating on the inside to be conscious leaders. And it shows up on the outside when we cultivated the certain qualities. And two of the nine leadership competencies that were lowest from the sample of 100 leaders were psychological and physical well being. Therefore, that is why we are focusing on well being and if you're curious about where your strengths and gaps are, around the qualities to become a conscious leader, you can take the assessment and find out your score for free. I recently opened to the assessment tool to the public and the link will be in the show notes. 

     

    Now on to our episode. I am so excited to have this conversation about how to ask for more. And really wonderful practical tips for negotiation. Samina. Thank you so much for being here.

    Arlie thank you so much for having me. I'm excited to chat with you today.

    Well introduce yourself to all of these wonderful listeners.

     

    So my name is Amina I, I am a mom, I'm a wife. I am a people leader in the tech world. And I'm also an immigrant. And I came to this country about 13 years ago with big dreams and a passion to add value. And here I am today hopefully being hopeful that I've learned a lot and I grew a lot as a person and as a leader.

     

    Thank you and what country did you emigrate from?

     

    I was born in Romania.

     

    Mm hmm. Lovely. Well, we connected because of the people tech Partners Group that I have been kind of Yeah, just immersed in the last year so many incredible people leaders in that group. And then I also found out that you were good friends with an pal who is another shining light leader in my life. So I'm again just really happy that we've been able to foster this new connection and relationship and I am going to just tee up the podcast a bit so folks know what we're going to be talking about. 

     

    So Samina and I are going to speak about some of her inner game conscious leadership qualities that have supported her to be the incredible chief people officer that she is. And we're going to talk a little bit more about what has been challenging for her as a CPO, especially given the current economy and the future of work climate. And then we're going to run through a negotiation conversation, that will be me being the coach. It's one of the wonderful hats that I wear. And then really working through a framework that is going to be something that you can apply to yourself, or to support somebody else as they're trying to figure out their negotiation terms for a new role. Or frankly, it could even be how do you negotiate buying a new house or car or a conversation with your partner? I mean, it's all clickable. 

     

    And then we're going to talk about what kinds of things can we negotiate for with roles at the beginning and even you know, when the offer has been given? And specifically, what should female executives be asking for Samina is also going to share some tips. And then at the very end, I will record this coaching framework that Sumeet and I are going to roleplay together so it's packed, it's going to be so great. And let's go ahead and start. So the intersection of this podcast really talks about conscious leadership, high performing teams awareness practices, Samina, I know you're a bit familiar with the framework of conscious leadership that I've developed, there's nine different qualities. And you have read my book. So what leadership quality do you feel is your strongest and which one is an opportunity for growth?

     

    Great question. And I feel that resilience is one of my strongest qualities. And probably the second after that is empathy. And the third is humility. But I'll talk about resilience a little bit more. Yeah, it started from, you know, early age, when I realized that I needed to be courageous in order to grow. And I took a few steps, including the one to relocate into a completely new country and start from scratch my career, my community, and realized very early on, that is not always a smooth sailing. And you're going to experience turbulences, and I'm a big fan of Brene, brown, and I like to, to share this point of view with folks that I'm coaching and folks that I work with, you're not going to experience growth, if you're afraid of embracing the suck. And in order to experience that growth, it's it's worth knowing when it's too early, to move away from a situation. I'm a big believer, especially as a female executive, that there are different rules around when executives are departing, departing a company and a role. Ideally, you're never running away, when it's hard. Ideally, you, you stick to it, and you try to solve the problems that you're seeing in front of you and continue to add your value in terms. In times of turbulence, I think that's one of my main qualities. And the thing that helped me experience the most growth in my career, you're probably seen by looking at my profile that I like staying for a long period of time, especially in tech that rarely, a lot of people are staying for five, six years, I've experienced that at least once and experienced a couple of three years Steens in you, especially at a startup, you see a lot of changes. And those are great opportunities to learn and understand how a business is evolving and how you are evolving as a leader. 

     

    So that I would say that that's probably my my, my main superpower. And the second one that I care deeply about as a people leader and as a leader, as an as a leader in general is empathy is really trying to understand how others are feeling and what is their perspective, to be able to craft programs, Paulus's interventions that make sense, and they don't feel disconnected from the reality. The third one that I think it's a non negotiable, it's humility. It's it's humbleness, and humility. Knowing that you can do it all you it really takes a village to build something exceptional. 

     

    And you need to have the strength and self awareness to realize that you cannot be good at everything. And it's okay and highly recommended to hire and build teams around you with people who have the qualities that you don't or they're passionate about the things that you might be passionate but you might not have the superpowers to do them really, really well. 

     

    And that's what I've no Based on how I conduct myself and how I how I like to continue my path as a leader, thank you. To summarize, even though you did it so well yourself, out of the nine different ones, you have listed resilience, which the way you're describing it. And the way that I actually talked about in the book is a growth mindset. You know, how is this challenge for me? How is it a gift, what am I going to learn from it, and then empathy and humility and humility to your point is really about asking for support, you know, acknowledging your vulnerability that you don't know everything, and then asking people to come in and join you and, and help delegate those things that you don't know, so that you empower other people to step in and create this incredible culture. Thank you.

     

    What about one that is an opportunity for growth, right now, I've thought about this for quite some time, and an opportunity for growth is carving out time, for my well being, there is a tendency to constantly prove the world that you can do more faster, better, smarter, but what I've learned on my own by experiencing, you know, sometimes challenging times is that if you don't recharge your batteries, you're not gonna go too far, I have a tendency to jump all in. And I had a tendency to really want to see results immediately prove value, as soon as possible. But what I've learned through hard lessons is that you can't control it all. 

     

    And even if you dedicate yourself 150%, to something, there are so many variables at play, there is no guarantee that just by working hard and doing all the right things, and being always on something that's gonna be successful. As we evolve and grow as human beings, our identity is becoming a well rounded identity, you're not only the professional who works in tech, you're the man who you know, educates and takes care of other human being and how they're going to behave in this world, you're a partner to someone you are a daughter, into someone, a member of the community, there are so many opportunities to give back and add value, the way you see yourself and define yourself should not come only from one angle. 

     

    So with that in mind, while I will always want to excel in what I do, I'm also becoming more and more aware of the multiple roles that I'm assuming in this world and how I'm showing up in all of them. Because it has to be a balance, it has to be a work life integration, it has to be moments when you give more on one side, and when you give more on the other side, depending on what's happening in life. And that's what I'm trying to transition into and feel good about the fact that you're not always going to be your best self or on your best foot on on your top game, depending on what's happening in life. And that's okay.

     

    I hear you are nourishing the well. So that you have what you need to then bring your best is a growth opportunity. And so that actually goes into the next question that I was going to ask that I know you and I have talked about, you know, off the record, which is one of the bigger challenges I think that people like yourself in your role have been navigating with the current economy and future of work is there have been a lot of layoffs. And so, being that you're a leader that leads from love that has a lot of empathy. 

     

    How have you navigated in your career, how to really send people off with care and compassion, because I've talked to lots of folks and leaders and people that have been the ones that have, you know, delivered it and have been on the receiving end, and it's typically not done with a lot of consciousness, but I know that you do it differently. So share a little more on that. How are you taking care of yourself and then being able to take care of these people in the most graceful kind way that you can under the circumstances, right? 

     

    Yeah, no, and I'll start with the beginning. As a leader, you always join the company thinking about how the company is going to grow, how to build the businesses gonna succeed, how the great people you have on board are going to grow in their careers and grow as as professionals and as human beings and Then something happens. And it, especially in the last few months, or in the last few years, if we think about the pandemic, where things are not going, according to the plan, no matter how hard everyone is trying, the economy is turbulent there are headwinds in the market. And sometimes you need to make very hard decisions. 

     

    And some of those hard decisions involve cutting people cutting jobs. And throughout my career, and I've been doing HR for more than 15 years internationally. In Europe, in the US, I work with companies based in in Asia, I found that no matter how much exposure to situations like this, you have as a people leader, if you lead from a point of love, and care and empathy, it's going to be very hard to not be emotionally impacted by something like this. I remember the first layoff that I had to do in the US it's happening, at least in my career, it happened more often after I relocated to the US, and I started to be a people leader. And I remember thinking about how these people have houses, they need to pay for the houses, they have children, they have family members, they need to take care of, they need to put food on the food on the table, they need to pay their bills, and I was thinking, wow, losing your job is one of the most dramatic, traumatic experiences someone can have. 

     

    And the fact that the company is not growing fast enough, or it doesn't optimize stores profitability fast enough, or it needs to look better on paper for whatever is going to happen next, it doesn't make the impact of these decisions, less stressful for the people on the receiving end. So as a people leader, I've always thought about if I would be in these people's shoes, and by the way it can happen at any point in anyone's careers, what would be my preference in how I would like to be treated? What will mean to me that I'm being laid off with respect, where I still keep at least some of my self esteem, that I've built throughout the years in my career, in what will help me land in the best possible way on my feet, right? 

     

    And I thought about it. And I talked to people that was questions, who were let go senior professionals, folks in the beginning of their careers. And I looked at the data on how much savings people have in the US if something like this happens. And the reality is that not a lot of people have a lot of savings to count on. And I really try to think about a couple of things, one, from an economical perspective, what is a decent package that's going to help people land on their feet, given that it takes between three to five months to find a job. 

     

    Yet, it seems like in Dec is around three months, even now with distributed market, because a lot of new jobs are being created. So that's one variable that went into the model. The second one was one, the economical terms are being approved. And there is some, you know, safety net for at least two or three months, and there is health insurance on the table as well. Because unfortunately, America is a country that does not offer that by default, and you have to pay for it. And it's quite expensive. Then I went into how do we communicate? How do we communicate with care with empathy? How do we make sure that everyone feels that they're still respected on their way out, even though we need to share some pretty terrible news? 

     

    How can we make sure we partner with the employees who are being terminated to equip them with the skills that they need to apply for unemployment to revamp their resumes to prep for the interview, it's really hard to have your confidence that after being laid off, and we're talking in this market about multiple rounds of layoffs, I have friends and people who are very close to me and my family who got laid off multiple times, once in COVID, one or two times now, that takes a toll on self esteem, how you're showing up in the world. Let's not even go to negotiating an offer you're hoping to get over all you can even think about asking for more optimizing for the best possible result. Totally. 

     

    I'm always thinking about one, give them the package that it's going to provide a softer landing, landing to make sure they have health insurance. Three, make sure you communicate with empathy and care for prep them for what they need to do ideally in the first week or month after a layoff make sure people are equipped on how to get their benefits back on employment, how to claim Cobra and then really help rebuild that confidence by looking at the resumes the LinkedIn profile, practicing interviewing, introduced introducing people of two companies looking for great talent so that everyone can, as quickly as possible get back on their feet. It's a traumatic experience. And if as leaders, we don't do it with a lot of care, it's going to backfire. And it's not going to help one the company is not going to help the brand is not going to help help the leaders attract new team members, when when the market gets better, is not going to help the society in general,

     

    To bring myself into the mix of this, I started interviewing and applying for internal director and VP roles and learning and development in 2020. And it is now 2023, there were two offers and 2020. They were rescinded because of layoffs. So for me being that I'm still in it, still interviewing, still applying some of what I've experienced is that there are 1000 people to the one role that I'm applying for, I had a job tell me an employer rather tell me that they had 4000 plus 4000 people applied to the role that I applied for. 

     

    And so, you know, depending on your industry, because there's not a lot of learning and development people even though they are so we need to equip leaders with the right tools to lead the organization. But it, it's trying, so I, you know, I can definitely relate, and I think some of your tips are really helpful. So let's move into our negotiation conversation. Let's pretend that you are getting ready to have a conversation because you've been given an offer. And I'm going to wear the hat of coach and this is a framework that you can apply to any negotiation that you're having. But I'm just gonna tee it up. So Samina, it's so great to see you. I'm so excited for you that you have this new offer that you're considering. And tell me a little bit about the context, what is the offer? What do you feel excited about? And then we'll go from there.

     

    I'm very excited about the offer that I just received, because it's for a company that solves hard problems. I see the signs of really healthy culture. It seems that a company is financially stable, especially in this market, and they have enough runway. And it feels like there is product market fit and the company can continue to grow. 

     

    If if they execute according to the plan. So that excites me quite a bit because that means we can create more jobs, we can really scale or what we're offering to the market here in the US, potentially internationally. It's really creating the foundation for building something that is intentional, and it can scale intentionally, and really create that force multiplier in delivering business results. So that's what excites me. I'm also excited about the terms of the offer.

     

    Let me let me just paraphrase quickly what I heard you say. So I hear that you're very excited about this offer for a few reasons. One, it's a company that is solving hard problems. And I hear that that is really motivating for you you want to work for a purpose driven organization, I also hear that there is a healthy culture on the inside. So the leaders that are leading it are conscious, and you want to work with that type of leadership, and be able to really contribute. I also hear that they have a runway that allows them to be able to be secure, you know, financially stable in this economy in this market. And therefore you can scale intentionally did I miss anything you did not spot on.

     

    And you were about to elaborate a little bit more something else you feel excited about tell me

    and I feel excited about the economics of the offer because I find them being fair. And I'm saying fair for a reason. I care deeply about fair. Of course I care about optimizing a really good offer and really good terms but as a people leader, I'm also keeping an eye on internal equity among peers, making sure that you know while is the right type of offer for the valid right I bring it also that doesn't, you know break the stability internally because that's that's another problem then that can be created and It's pretty painful to solve for once it's there. 

     

    So I'm looking at a lot of the things and while you know the monetary aspect is important, and don't get me wrong is very important. And life is expensive right now, there are other elements of an offer that make it an absolute no brainer.  What I'm hearing is there's tangible needs, and there's intangible needs that would make this a yes. Like an absolute Yes. So what do you need that's tangible? And what do you need? It's intangible.

     

    I think from a tangible perspective, you need to make sure that you're fairly compensated, you're compensated at the market. And now here, hopefully, it's going to be an easier conversation in the next few years, because of the pay Transparency Act. Really good progress, really good momentum is not a black box anymore. When you start applying and interviewing with companies, you kind of know, you know, where they are, what are the bands, so you know, is it for me, or if it's, or it's not, for me, for example, if you're in California, and you interview for a leadership role, and they pay you 100k, you're probably going to say this is not for me, I cannot afford to leave here, right? So that that simplifies the conversation quite a bit. 

     

    Now, every company is different, every company has a different philosophy in terms of pay, some companies are going to pay your 50th percentile, others are going to pay your 75th percentile, others are going to be more aggressive on the variable, others on the on the base, it different flavors, right. But at the end of the day, if it's fair, if it's market for the role, how much funding they have, if they're a private company, how much ARR they have done all of that, you kind of know where you are, and what ballpark. 

     

    Now the non tangible things are very important when it comes to the new reality after COVID. What kind of life do we want to have as people and as professionals? What is more valuable to me? Or what is the environment that really works for my life? And how I want to craft my life? Am I an in person, type of professional or I'm a remote type of professional? Do I value to have flexibility? Or do I value routine and being in the office every single day? Because that's the environment that that I'm thriving in? And that's how I build connections, and there is no right or wrong answer. I don't believe in one size fits all, I don't believe that only remote is the way to go. And I also don't believe that only in office is the way to go. I think there are different situations, different businesses, and particularities that are helping leaders make the decision if it's in office, or if it's hybrid, or if it's remote, right. But a lot of candidates have preferences. 

     

    And they've done it both ways. And people feel strongly about it still did seems like the opportunities are not as many as they used to be for the remote roles. And a lot of the companies are starting to bring people back to in office five days a week or hybrid. But if you ask in your negotiation come conversation about remote like how would you ask that very openly?

     

    What is the what is the culture at Company X? What is the expectation right now?

    Do we have what is the policy? Right?

     

    Do we think the policy is gonna change if it's going to change? Is there a framework in which the leadership is going to make the decision for example, I remember when we started COVID, at one of my previous companies, and I told people and I promise, I'm not going to promise the model is not going to change, I can't promise that I don't know how the world is going to evolve. I don't know what's going to be needed from a business perspective. But what I can promise is that I'm not going to surprise people with two weeks notice that up starting two weeks from now, we're going to be back in the office. 

     

    And I promised all the invoices that we're going to give them and each other a six month heads up to be able to adjust and change our lives accordingly to either adjust to the new reality that we are trying to create or to vote with our feet and say, this is probably not the right fit for me and where I am in life today. Therefore, it's probably better for me to depart the business.

     

    Yeah, totally. I'm going to ask you two more coaching questions. And I know that this is probably going to be something we'll continue to talk about and something that I'd love for you to even journal about. But we're getting clear on what are the tangible what are the intangible needs? And then I want to ask, what is your concern? What What concerns do you have about this role? And then lastly, like what would make this an absolute yes for you?

    Should I start with the concerns?

    Yeah, let's go there.

     

    Ah, Mmm hmm. That's such an interesting question. It really depends on the company and the stage of the company. So it's really hard to, to answer it without having a clear example in front of me, right? Talking about hypothetical businesses. But the examples are mostly around the opportunity in front of you, as a leader in front of me as a leader, in what skills are needed to nail that stage of growth, or turbulences, or whatever is happening in the company, I would be very interested in what is the next stage of growth after the current one? And do I have the potential to grow and scale with the company because I have a clear idea in my mind that I'm open to be challenged by other leaders in the industry that executives are a great fit for a particular stage of growth. 

     

    And after that, it needs to, you know, a little bit of a self assessment needs to happen to really ask yourself, am I the right leader for the next stage of growth in this company or not? And that takes a lot of courage and self awareness, to be able to, and humility to be able to have that conversation with yourself. But every time I'm looking at an opportunity I'm looking at, can I get can I grow and scale with the business? What if they grow really fast? Why did they grow Not so fast, and they experienced a lot of turbulence is how much resilience? Do I need to show? And at what point and right like, How much am I willing to be in that turbulent time? How long is it going to be right? I think that goes back to the psychological and physical well being the balance of it all. What are you saying? Yes, yes, exactly.

     

    Exactly. And that's a good, that's a good internal conversation to have with yourself as a candidate, to really run towards something and not to run away from something. Yeah, I'm a big believer in when someone starts a new role, when you're looking at the non tangibles, and obviously, the tangibles as well. At the end of the day, to feel really good about the opportunity and to know deep down inside your soul that you're running towards something. Because if you're running towards something, no matter how hard it is, no matter how many turbulences you're going to experience, no matter how good of a fit, you are for the next three stages of growth, and maybe you're great for one or two, and you need to fire yourself before stage three, because the company needs a different type of leadership, you're going to do it with a lot more passion, if you don't find those connections. 

     

    And at the end of the day, being passionate about something, it's probably one of the strongest predictors. I've seen in my in my entire career journey. Now what can break a decision or what will make a decision a no brainer in someone in my role in my shoes, or in your shoes, it comes back to the chemistry between the leadership team or between you and your manager. There are so many flavors of the ice cream at this level, especially when it comes to leadership roles in everybody. All a lot of people got to leadership roles, because they've done great work in their careers. They accomplished a lot. They worked hard, they worked hard. I don't think at this level, it comes a lot to do you have the skills to do it. It's about how you do it. How do you how do you invite the other partners to your table so that you can make progress together?

    Influence and collaborate? I hear? 

     

    Yeah, I think it comes down to that. And it comes down to that chemistry between the people working together. So it sounds like you're getting really clear on the tangible and the intangible. And then also what I'm hearing is, what would make this a total? Yes, is the chemistry of the other leaders. So they're dating. Both ways. And in order to be ready to marry someone, both sides need to do their due date a few years.

     

    Yes, but both sides need to do their due diligence and to make sure that why the moral compass of the other party to how they operate best when they are best on or when they are not at best. And you know, what kind of master sometimes shows up if they're stressed or under resource or you know, all sorts of things that can happen in organizations. Probably that's the most important factor that I'm taking into into consideration when saying yes, and going to the altar with with a new company.

     

    Yeah, yeah. Thank you for sharing all of that. So in the last couple of minutes and I'll I'll share this framework of some of these questions that I asked semina at the end. So you want to listen all the way to the end. So you get those questions you can actually ask yourself, or you can ask another person that is also negotiating something important in their life. But what are some tips that you might give to anyone listening but especially to female executives? What can they start to negotiate in the initial interview stages? 

    And what can they negotiate that you would recommend? You know, during the offer,  and the early interview stages, I would clarify the tangibles. I would make sure I get as much clarity as I as I can around those aspects in the late stage of an interview the offer stage, I think it's time the industry to normalize the fact that executives meaning VPs and above should have some protection in place, right. We've seen rounds and rounds of layoffs. We've seen consolidations, we've seen a lot of headwinds, and turbulence is happening in the market. And it's still not common to see severance clauses as part of the all of the executive contracts.

     

    Well, I live in California. And I don't know if this applies to executives, but California is an at will state. So they can they can let you go for any reason, even if you didn't do anything wrong. So that doesn't create a lot of security in me as someone that really wants to get married.

    If you want to be a prenup, yes. And also, if you want to be the executive who's gonna mention the unmentionable in the room who's gonna have the crucial conversation? So it's gonna challenge the status quo. You can't really have those if you're thinking well, do I have money to put food on the table for my kids? Do I have money to pay my mortgage or my rent, when I'm thinking about getting married with someone meaning in this case, starting a new job as a leader, there is a lot of risk on both sides, right? 

     

    The companies want to get it right. You want your leadership team, ideally, to encompass your core values to model the right behaviors to really drive the business forward. As a leader, you want to make sure that you're not going to be micromanage, you're gonna be respected for your opinion, and the expertise that you're bringing to the table, you also want to be able to challenge the status quo nicely, you're gonna require psychological safety, it's not just a check in the box, that's one of the very first things that I assess, and you got to build at the beginning. Totally.

     

    So when you want to have psychological safety, but also move the needle forward, challenge the status quo, I find it hard to be able to address it and addressable. When you're thinking about, well, do I have money to provide food for my family to pay for the house to take care of the kids are other people you need to take care of as a as a as a human being, when that variable is taken care of. 

     

    And you know that no matter what happens, you're going to have a little bit of a softer landing, because it takes about six months on average to find your net next executive gig, the psychological safety that that relationship, and that pre negotiated contract creates for VPS. And above. It really benefits really beneficial for both parties involved in this, of course, the company is going to protect itself in a similar way. You you know you're going to assess performance, you're going to have OKRs, you're going to measure it if people are not hitting the goals, obviously, you're going to make the hard choices, and you're going to let people go but a found that it's easier to build that psychological safety. If there is clarity around if this doesn't work out. What are what are both parties getting out.

     

    Right? What's Yeah, totally. What is our agreement? What is our agreement, having those hard conversations up front are so important. So that's what I'm hearing is a really big takeaway. That's what you can start to have in the interview process, like you're assessing for that. You know, what happens when things get messy? is psychological safety a check in the box or not? Can we have these hard conversations and people still want to be kind and collaborate? And then what are our agreements when things get messy, you know, which isn't doubtedly going to happen because we can't control so that's kind of what I'm hearing. Go ahead. 

     

    There's there's one good example of this work is the negotiation phase before you decide if it's a yes or if it's a no, that's providing a lot of insight into how the future relationship is going to be. How can you work together to solve a challenge and you're coming from On slightly different angles here, you're trying to meet somewhere in between. And are you approaching this? How are you having those crucial conversations without breaking the relationship by

    a fair fairness is a key value for you. 

     

    Yeah. Samina this was so helpful. I imagine it's going to be helpful for so many people not only just talking about how do we support people in layoffs kindly, but also how do we negotiate in a way that is really empowering ourselves and making sure that we're setting ourselves up for success? Thank you so much. And if there's anything else you want to leave our listeners Feel free, we will be linking your contact in the show notes. And if there's anything else you want me to send out, please let me know or share it with folks right now.

     

    The only message I have for for people listening to the podcast is knowing their value and not being afraid to ask for what is fair. And what's their worth. It's doesn't come natural, it doesn't come naturally for if you're a woman in tech, if you're a female executive, if you're a minority, but it's the absolute right thing to do. And there are mentors out there. And I love mentoring people on how to do it gracefully, and change some of the practices in the industry. So thank you so much for having me, I love this conversation. And I hope we can meet again and continue our chat.

     

    I love it, we will. I am loving this conversation. 

     

    And as we prepare for this podcast interview to come to a close, I'm going to leave you with three things that will really help you to embody the confidence to ask for what you desire, and what you deserve. And if we don't ask for it, we have no opportunity to receive it to receive it. So I'm going to break this down into three parts. 

     

    One, I'm going to lead by example, and make a bold request so that I can receive what I desire and what I'm deserving. And hopefully that will be an inspiration to you. 

     

    Number two, I'm going to share the coaching framework that I used with Samina to help her discern what was her negotiating power and and what were her concerns and what did she really want. This is something you can journal about for yourself, or you can utilize it with others to help them in their negotiations. And this can be applied to anything that you're negotiating for. 

     

    And then number three, I'm going to share what you can actually negotiate for in the new opportunity and professional path that you are seeking. Alright, you ready? Here we go. So I have had the great privilege and opportunity to serve some wonderful companies, leaders and teams in my business in the last decade. LinkedIn, Pixar, Clif Bar, Asana, capital, one Bank of the West, and then tech adventhealth, I am so grateful. And since 2020, I have known I wanted to join in an internal capacity in directing learning leadership team and org development. And it's been a crazy couple of years in the job market and in the world at large. And I am having some incredible conversations with folks right now exploring the right opportunity. But at the end of the day, it's all about the right fit. 

     

    And you might be asking, Why do I want this, I want this because I know that this path is where I can create the most influence and have the deepest positive impact with the internal people in the company and therefore, what the company is actually doing in the world. And I'm here to influence business to be a force for good in the world. So if you're an executive search or in the C suite, or you're working for a company where you just think Carly needs to be here we need Carly we need her wisdom and her passion and her skills. Then reach out to me I would love to know your challenges so I can help you can reach out to me on LinkedIn or you know just ping my website there's there's lots of links in the show notes and how to get in touch. If you also are aware of a role that is coming up that hasn't been posted, and you think you know I could help in a full time or fractional capacity reach out. I would love to help and love to have that conversation. 

     

    Number two, let's go over the negotiate Shin coaching framework that I use with Samina. Now, these are things that you can ask yourself, you can journal about, or you can actually roleplay this with another person. So first you want to share the context, what is the role? Or what is the thing that you are negotiating for? And then if you're doing this with another person, you want to summarize what you heard them say, summarizing what you heard them say, not what you think you heard them say, right? This allows people to feel heard and to feel seen. And we all want that. And then after you summarize that, you also want to say, Did I miss anything? And that gives them an A chance to elaborate or clarify, then you want to actually follow up with another question and you ask them, What do you need? What are the tangible and intangible needs? 

     

    And it might even be helpful to ask them, what would this look like if you had these needs met? Right? Because then, then the person might even recognize that they didn't need that, or they want something different? And then you would ask them, What are your concerns and asking for more, this is where the fear might come in. Or they recognize that there are parts of this role or parts of this opportunity, that aren't quite aligned. And then you would ask them, okay, so now that you've gotten clear, what's the next step? And as a coach, you always want to hold that person accountable to the next step. So you might say, how do we check in about this next step? Right? 

     

    Okay. So that's the coaching framework. And again, this can be applied to yourself, or to someone in your life. And then the next thing that is really going to be helpful for you, if you're exploring a new role is to understand what you can negotiate for in the interview. Ultimately, your satisfaction hinges less on getting the negotiation right and more on getting the job, right. So you want to really understand for who are your teammates? Who's your boss? What's the work life balance look like? How is this going to be a full guest for you? 

     

    So here's some things that you can negotiate for. So you want to ask about the remote policy in this company. And you heard Samina and I talked about that, you want to ask about whether there's bonus pay and equity. You want to know if there's matching money. So for example, maybe you've worked in other roles where you are accustomed to a 12% match, what is the match in this iteration? You want to know what the vacation policy is? Is it three to four weeks? Can it be reevaluated after the first week of service? Do you have the option to do any side work? If that's a passion, like maybe you have a podcast that you want to have outside of this scope and responsibility? You might want to ask for that. If you need to be in an office or in the same time zone? 

     

    Do they offer relocation pay? If professional development is important to you probably is especially if you're listening to this podcast, then how do they support you in your personal and professional development? What is the stipend for that? Is there a certification that you want or a conference that you'd really love to go to every year? Ask for all of us upfront? What's the health insurance coverage? Ask about travel, if you have to travel for work, whether it's domestically or internationally. We all know travel takes a toll on the body, mind and soul. So perhaps there's a negotiation upfront where you can say if I'm traveling to a different timezone or internationally, Can I tag on a couple of days where I can actually enjoy the city before I have to rush right back? Right? 

     

    Find out if there are any partial clauses for times of separation, where it is not your fault for the reason that they're having to let people go as mean and I were talking about earlier in the interview. And then you might also want to ask if there might be a retention bonus after the first year. And one of the questions I also really love to ask is how will I know that I'm being successful in this role, and that's not necessarily negotiation, but it is in a certain sense of what is expected of me in the first month in the first 60 days, 90 days, like really getting clear on that with the hiring manager with the senior people leaders. 

     

    The other thing that's a negotiation, qualifier for me is how much sponsorship are you getting from the senior people leaders because that's going to allow you to actually have more influence and be more successful. 

     

    Okay, those are some of the things that I think will be really helpful for you in navigating, asking for more. So how are you going to ask for more whether it's at work, or it's at home? 

    If you enjoyed this episode, please give me a five star review, share it with friends, family or colleagues on LinkedIn. We're all in this together and sharing is caring. I have some incredible interviews coming on in the podcast in 2023. So make sure you subscribe. And thank you so much for tuning in.

    Shine
    enJuly 05, 2023

    67. 5 Days to Live and Die with Michael Hebb

    67. 5 Days to Live and Die with Michael Hebb

    This SHINE podcast episode is on how by facing and preparing for death, we are able to live more meaningful and purposeful lives. We all are born and we all will die. In this interview, we speak about how to talk about death as a way to foster deeper connection, healing, and growth at work, in our communities, and at home. We address the importance of bringing awareness and meditation practices to grieve effectively. Lastly, we talk about how bringing generations together over dinner can support us to solve some of the larger problems at work and in the world. This inspiring episode will support you to live a more meaningful life with less regrets.

    Episode Links:

    Compassion & Choices
    Death over Dinner
    What happens when death is what is for dinner? Ted Talk
    Reef Grief Article & coping resources
    Is this how you feel? Website formed to name and witness grief in community
    Book of Regrets

    SHINE Links:
    Thank you for listening. Want to build a high trust, innovative, and inclusive culture at work? Sign up for our newsletter and get the free handout and be alerted to more inspiring Shine episodes

    Building Trust Free Gift

    Carley Links:
    LinkedIn
    Consultation Call with Carley
    Book Carley for Speaking
    Leading from Wholeness Learning & Development
    Carley’s Book
    Executive Coaching with Carley

    Well Being Resources:
    Inner Game Meditations
    Inner Game Leadership Assessment

    Social:
    LinkedIn
    IG
    Website
    Shine Podcast Page

    Imperfect Shownotes

    Hi, welcome to the shine podcast. My name is Carley Hauck. I'm your host, this is the fifth season of the shine podcast. I started the shine podcast as a way of doing research for my book on conscious leadership in business. And you will find interviews with scientists, researchers and business leaders on the intersection of conscious inclusive leadership, the recipe for high performing teams and awareness practices. My book debuted in 2021 Shine ignite your inner game of conscious leadership and was voted one of the best books to read in 2022. By mindful magazine, I facilitate two episodes a month of the shine podcast. And before I tell you about the topic for today, please go over to Apple podcasts or your favorite podcast carrier and hit the subscribe button so you don't miss any future episodes.

    The focus of this season is on the essentials for wellbeing. And that encompasses the intersection of our personal well being the collective well being of our workplace, and how that fosters and nurtures the planet's well being they are all connected. I focus on well being this season, because I really want to crack the code and inspire folks to prioritize their individual well being and therefore that will transcend into the collective and the planet's well being. And I have developed a inner game leadership assessment that I gave out to 100 different leaders last year. And the leadership assessment is based on the framework of the inner game, which is what we're cultivating on the inside to be conscious leaders. And it shows up on the outside when we cultivated the certain qualities. And two of the nine leadership competencies that were lowest from the sample of 100 leaders were psychological and physical well being.

    Therefore, that is why we are focusing on well being and if you're curious about where your strengths and gaps are around the qualities to become a conscious leader, you can take the assessment and find out your score for free. I recently opened to the assessment tool to the public, and the link will be in the show notes.

    Now onto our episode. Hello shine podcast listeners. I am here with my new friend Michael Michael HEB, who is the founder of death over dinner, drugs over dinner, and generations over dinner. He currently serves as a board advisor at the Friedman School of Nutrition Science and Policy at Tufts, and is the primary editor of COVID paper. His second book, let's talk about death was published by Hashem in the US, UK and Australia in October of 2018. and Russia, China, Taiwan, Indonesian, Poland and Romania in the fall of 2019, and will soon be published in Finland. Wow. That's incredible. Michael, so happy to have you here. Oh, my goodness, this conversation is going to be amazing. Can't wait. Thanks for being here.

    Of course, credit. Thanks for having me.

    So to start off in the deep end, which I know you and I swimmin. Often, I'd love if you could share some of your childhood story of losing your father to dementia, and how that experience inspired a movement to support millions in gathering and holding space as we prepare for death.

    Yeah, well, when I was in second grade, I didn't know that it would inspire valiance. For one, I was very much you know, just a regular seven year old, seven year old, eight year old and my father was quite a bit older than most fathers. He was born in 1904 in the Yukon Gold Rush in a minor shed and Dawson during the the like epicenter of the Yukon Gold Rush. And so he was 72 years old when I was born, which is becoming less and less unique. I think we just found out Al Pacino is going to have another child, but at at something, but back then this was quite a surprising thing. And I think it's a kind of an amazing thing in a challenging thing to be sold and to have a child because you don't know how long you're going to be around for them. But I was a bit of a surprise. And in second grade, my father was diagnosed with Alzheimer's, full blown Alzheimer's, it wasn't early onset, his symptoms were severe at that point, and then was put into a, a nursing home. And those were really rough years, my mother was not resourced to know how to manage our lives. Very few would be, and we lived in a great deal of chaos. And he died when I was 13.

    On on Halloween, actually. And our family didn't know how to talk about his illness, didn't know how to talk about his inevitable death, didn't know how to talk about our grief. And so we started really avoiding each other, which in many way was was the healthiest thing we could do. Because when you have a secret or a traumatic centerpiece to your family relationship, every time you're around those family members, there's cortisol and all kinds of things flooding your system. And so we really grew apart pretty quickly. And it had a lot of impact on the family structure where you know, much later and we'll talk about death over dinner, it served as the inspiration for inspiring people to talk about death, mortality, life limiting illness, dementia, because I didn't want anybody else to have to go through what I experienced the type of alienation, isolation, depression, confusion, anger, and the whole rainbow of emotion that I had to go through, basically alone until many mentors started to show up in my life. But the the death itself on Halloween was, was a seismic event in my life, and not for the reasons you might think.

    The grief wasn't overwhelming immediately, there was a kind of void that I felt when I woke up the morning and Halloween, and I knew that he died even though there was no one telling me so there's just a known sense, I'd actually had the previous night woken up at 3:43am, the exact moment that his heart stopped without knowing why. And then when I woke up again, later on that day, I was very clear, like, my dad's died, and I ended up going to school, because I wasn't going to just hang out with my mom and my brother. That didn't seem like a good place to go, or to be. And so I went to school on Halloween and Halloween when you're 13 is a big deal. And I ended up going out with friends that night, I didn't tell a single person that day that my father had died. And looking back on it, I think that was a pretty smart strategy. The realization that I had either consciously or just knew in my bones, at that time was my friend group didn't have the ability to deal with the weight of that kind of information. Kids are much more emotionally intelligent these days than they were 30 some years ago. And so I went out with my friends on Halloween night and did the type of things that 13 year olds do. I think we TPT some houses and eggs, some cars and drink some and essentially were assholes. And this thing happened to me because I was holding this whole new reality that my my dad had died, which no one I knew could relate to. And looking around my friends and what we were involved in the way we related to each other, and really just the world. I had this sense of being separate from it and watching it almost film nicly seeing these things from a from a removed space and questioning. If we act like this, why do we relate to each other? Why is there conversation about meaning? Shit, I hope I can swear on your ad snapped to,

    I can totally be yourself. Yeah,apparently it's a sign of intelligence, I just read a recent report. But nonetheless, I felt separate from my social group. And in in that separation, I started to ask really big questions. And that is really where my spirituality took shape was in those questions, and their questions about what are we doing here? Is there something more than this? Is there a right way to live? Have people known about living connected to something larger than the cell in the past, and took a great deal of interest in poetry and Eastern spirituality and mysticism? Gnosticism a long list of question askers. And that really set me on a completely different course than I would have been happily skipping down. So really, really a big change for not not exactly the reasons you would expect, when you use the term seismic, you know, change? And I would say yes, for sure.

    And, you know, before this conversation, I did a lot of research and trying to get to know you, and different interviews and things that you have recorded. And I learned about your early meditation practice, and part of how that came to be. And I was touched, because we both started meditating, and really having these deeper questions and interest around the same time, even though I, I imagine we're probably a similar age. And I also grew up in a family where, and still have a family where I'm keenly sensitive to emotions of myself and others, and the planet, and my, you know, nuclear family is not. And in some ways, I felt like an alien. And really kind of stuffed those for a long time, but had to find other ways and other tools to really understand myself and similar to you, like, understand, why am I here? And you know, what is the reason that I am being called to be here at this time. And, you know, when we, when we think about meditation and Buddhism, Siddhartha had a very similar journey, right? He was he was living in this, you know, Castle, not no suffering, really, except that is that his mother passed at an early age. But then he went outside of the palace walls one day and saw the four heavenly messengers, you probably familiar of this, of this table, or fable, rather, one was a sick person, an old man, a corpse, and aesthetic. And so he went on, you know, the aesthetic path to try to understand why these things happen. But we all know that we're gonna die, like every single one of us is going to die. And we don't know when that is going to happen. And so I wanted to bring you on because of a lot of his own inquiry around death for myself, but also, how do we use death, knowing it's coming, knowing that in some ways, humanity is facing very grave ecological death, which we'll go into a little bit later, to live the most meaningful life that we can right now?

    Yeah, well, I mean, in many ways, we can unlock what our life's meaning is, without that kind of rupture, without facing our mortality. And for most people, it happens in the middle of their life. This is you know, what Richard Rohr calls the second half of life and talks about and falling upward. And that that is just kind of naturally an age where people that are meaningful to us start dying. Right, some of us are, you know, gifted or cursed with a meaningful death. early in life, if you don't embrace it, or let it embrace you or if you repress it, or run away from it, then it can be a curse. But if you do the hard work of facing, whether that's when you're 13, or 30, or 40, or 50, or 60, or 70. The gifts that you get are really the answers to why I'm here. It's it's in many ways, the strongest medicine there is and there's a lot of talk these days and a lot of experience around psychedelic medicine, for instance, many of your users or, or listeners are experienced or curious. almost everybody's read Michael Pollan's book, how to change your mind, it seems.

    And we talk about the strength of that medicine, right, because it allows us to connect to something larger than ourselves connect to our, our history, our traumas, some of these big questions we find in a lot of psychedelic plant medicines, experiences that are held in the right container. Death, it's arguably more powerful, a medicine, and it's sitting right here. Yeah, right beside us, whether we acknowledge it or not. And, and it's a little bit easier to integrate, quite frankly, and then a psychedelic experience. And, you know, a lot of those medicines, actually kind of the core thinking around those medicines is they give us the ability to die before we die, so that we don't have to die when we die. And this is the this was the reason that people went to Eleusis, the mysteries in in, in Greece for 2000 years, 30,000 people a year, would go to a Lusas, to drink BurgerTime beer, to have an experience where a part of themselves would die. So that they realized that life, what was important about life, what the meaning was, what they were doing there. And you know that that experience is available to all of us by turning and facing or grief or any number of things.

    I agree. And I you know, just to circle back to meditation. Gosh, there's so many, there's so many ways that we could go because I love to have the plant medicine discussion with you as well. And I, I believe you're very right. I think a lot of people in some ways are actually just using the medicine to escape again. And they're not actually integrating. I mean, you're finding this altered state of consciousness, which, frankly, you can find meditating. And I've done both. And there's not a lot of difference for me personally. And only the medicine just brings me to that point faster. But I've done years and years and years of silent meditation. And one of the things that I'm so grateful about meditation is that Vipassana, which is coming from the Tera Vaada. And Buddhist tradition, actually learned this several years ago, on a silent retreat at Spirit Rock meditation center, it means to grieve effectively, because every moment is passing this moment right now, between you and I will never happen again, quite like this, ever. And so I'm present to it. And there's a loss and that, here it goes. Yeah, letting it go.
    Yeah, sometimes we have to be well, I think we do have to build be able to face the big D, yes, the two really come to terms with the small D's that we face all of the time, and not grasp on to that which is constantly changing, right? Because that's what people's primarily, their primary complaints are really around the small days, you know, anxiety, depression, all of these things have that we suffer from on a regular basis have so much to do with dealing with the fact that things are constantly changing.

    Right? Right. Yeah. Yeah. And how do we how do we practice getting, you know, little and, and to be in flow with a world that is constantly changing? Right? And so that's why I told tell people and teach people that, you know, death is this really powerful medicine because one, you, you do want to drink from that cup, you, you will be facing the big D at some point. And you want to be present to that. And you want to be able to learn from the experience as the aperture of your life gets smaller and smaller. There's a lot of great richness in that I've seen people complete a whole hero's journey in their last hour on this planet and change things generationally, and do healing for people who, you know, their future ancestors, they'll never meet on death's door. Right? But not if we're grasping. Not if we haven't surrendered, not if we're not present to it. And in the present moment, same thing. We're not going to be able to have an access to the beauty of the moment, or whatever it is. It's not just beauty, the is of the moment if grasping, flailing, reacting struggling in fight or flight or freeze, unless we have some sort of practice round.

    I mean, some of my good friends started the flow Institute's flow Institute, Steven Kotler, and Jamie Weil. And there's a lot of talk about flow these days and to be in flow. And I give those guys a hard time. It's like you're teaching people all of these great techniques, but the most important technique you could be teaching it was to deal with death and go, yeah, and they've incorporated some of that. And we actually hosted the first flow Institute, gathering together years before their other best seller. So there's just a lot there. And it's scary for people. This isn't, I'm not saying this with the idea that you shouldn't have apprehension or that it's easy. But there have been a lot of people who looked at our impermanence, looked at death, looked at grief, and have lit those canyons, and lit those dark forests for us. So you're, you're not alone. And you will get immediate vitality, from the work that people do around this. And I know you work with leaders and, you know, one of one of the kind of most ironic slash funniest uses of death over dinner, which is a initiative I started to get people to talk about end of life and, you know, millions of people have taken part in this.

    I was gonna ask you about that. Yeah. If we'll come back to continue.
    Yeah, I'll give. I'll let you lead me into some framing but Deloitte, Europe, one of the leading firms, when it comes to giving advice and creating strategy for the biggest brands in the world, most people know Deloitte. Yes, started using Deloitte, Europe started using depth over dinner at the beginning of their, their corporate retreats for their big clients. And yeah, and found and people were able to have conversations about what do they want to be remembered for? What do they want to have happen to their body? You know, song would be one at their funeral. If they had 30 days left to live, what would they do with it? How would they feel that that unlocks so much connection between the people that were there and humanity, way below the watermark of their strategy, or with you know, their brand, and it also unlocked a tremendous amount of creativity? Right? People feel free to try out new ideas and to play with each other's ideas. So, you know, there's there's a lot, there's a lot there in this space that has big No Trespassing signs all over it for us.

    Thank you. Well, there's a couple of questions that I have that are bubbling. I mean, first, I'd love to hear well, and even before I, I asked you a question, just my responses, you know, in my experience, working with lots of different, you know, senior people, leaders and stakeholders and various companies, business is only as good as the relationships that people are forming. If there isn't psychological safety, trust, the ability to believe that this person has my back, and we are connected and we are connected towards something of greater purpose, people will not stay, they will not perform, they will not feel they belong, and they will not bring their best to work or that workplace. That has been my experience.

    And so, I think what we are craving most, and especially since the pandemic is connection, is meaning is purpose, and how do we build that together and then align, you know, in powerful actions together. And I just think that is that is what is happening in the workplace. There is a death of the old workplace that was profit above everything else, thank goodness, but it's slow. It's slow. There's there's still a certain you know, group of leaders that are holding on to that. Lynne twist has been a huge mentor to me and wrote the foreword of my book and I remember when I first heard her speak years ago, she said we are hospice sing out. You know, these Oh, have systems and structures that will not support the new world. Because we have to embrace that, or we don't have a path forward. And so I, I'm excited for the death let it die. But let's hospice it out, right? Because then we can let go more effectively.

    Yeah, well, I mean, the pandemic, arguably, threw a wrench in some of that, at least from the human connection side. It gave us something that we have in common to connect around, it made grief public, that made mental health public, it made that those topics went from being taboo, which we can talk about the word taboo if we want, because it's a completely misunderstood word. But from things that were not appropriate conversations, to being very appropriate, very common conversation, especially in the millennial communities, some of us that are a little bit older, catching up with millennials and that ability to talk about things openly. But it also just, it did separate us.

    And it's hard to create deep connections in the workplace, when this is how we're connecting when it's just over zoom, or maybe not even zoom, it's just over email. I hope Len is right below her very much. If you're listening, Man, I miss you. Let's talk soon. And I do I do really have hope that that is the direction that we're going. Right now, this seems like we're going a lot of different directions. So where it's hard to know,it's a little chaotic, for sure. Well, I want to hear more about the process of death over dinner, so you can share with our listeners of how they can engage in that, I also wanted to speak to you about how you have understood the difference between for example, sadness, and grief. Because it's a felt experience. And, you know, there's, there's a lot of numbing, there's a lot of avoiding that. And I just think that in order to really be more comfortable in talking about our own death, we have to be willing to feel the grief. So So start with that, the movement of death over dinner, the process, I'm gonna leave links in the show notes. And I have gone through the process a couple times, a couple dinners, and also have a guess, some insights that are not around that, but just even just some of the my own practices around death that I might insert in in our conversation if we have time.

    I love it. Well, death over dinner came out of the well, at this point. It's over 20 years of convening people to talk about difficult topics at the dinner table. I realized pretty early on in my career as an architect my backgrounds actually in architecture, that I didn't need to build any new structures, I was building places for people to gather and connect. As an architect. That was the focus of my young career. And then I realized that the dinner table does that, with me needing to file a building permit or raise millions of dollars for said structure. We just forgotten how to use the dinner table. And needed to remember, we've remembered how, to some extent to garden and farm and put great food on the table thanks to Alice Waters in the slow food movement, all this incredible work that's been done on the front side.

    But very little has been done around what happens when they actually sit down with that beautiful food or have that famous chef cook for us. And so we don't have a virtuous cycle. Back to the table. We have it as a kind of fetishized entertainment, almost like a Martha Stewart shot something not a oh, I want to be there having that experience. How do I get back there that richness comes from people being vulnerable, sharing stories around their lives.

    And now we just talked about succession when we get to a dinner table or whatever people are watching on TV. Probably 75% of the dinner conversation is happening over tables and or we're not paying attention to the Food, you know, or being even mindful of our consumption. I started off in the corporate space, engaging people in meditation through mindful eating of chocolate. I did not do the raisin that was not going to get their attention. But I've I've always really loved just bringing people's attention. Yes to, to food to connection to our connection to food, and therefore the greater the greater world.

    Yeah, which is great work. But then we also have to connect with the people at the table. And that was the kind of soft architecture that I got really interested in, what is the history of it? What is the history of the Athenian symposium that brought together you know, Plato and Aristotle was the history of the Jewish Seder. What's the history of the Bloomsbury group? Gertrude Stein's tables, so the Black Panthers Sunday brunches, like, what what has been this role how people use this space, the dinner table, because we're drawn to it naturally. It's like the watering hole on the savanna, all different types. For food, we, we come and we get saved, save it, and then we go back to her our lives.

    If we were eating together, a lot of people don't eat together. But so I started doing dinners with incredible folks and Presidents and Nobel Prize winners and people that are living on the streets and people that are struggling with mental illness, and you name it, dinner after dinner after dinner in every country, or every continent, and so many places, so many just wild settings. It's hard to even think about, and I've had to forget many of them, because there's been too many, and having hard conversations like how do we end genocide? How do we enhance closeness? How do we end the gender gap? Then I realized that I wasn't going to be able to reach the number of people that I wanted to reach. And I also didn't want to just be working with leaders. I don't believe in a trickle down model. I believe in a grassroots model, I really even think change actually happens from the ground up. And so wanted to create a social ritual that people could enact, all over the world could scale and was free very much like the Jewish Seder, actually, the ER a Shabbat dinner, but with a little bit more of a program, a theme. And so death over dinner was our answer to that. I was working with some great designers and graduate students,

    I was teaching at the University of Washington, in the Graduate School of Communications and decided to teach a course entirely based around building a platform called death over dinner. And we did and now it's become this global phenomenon. And what it is, is, it's an invitation. First and foremost, we're talking about facing mortality, or death, grief and people Oh, that's great. And you say that there's ways into this, but how well, here's one. Like, we're gonna give people an invitation that isn't a thick book, it is a dinner party, and you liked dinner parties.

    And so here's the invitation, come to dinner and talk about death. And it can be because you're grieving, because you have a loved one who has a terminal diagnosis, it could be because you have early onset Alzheimer's, you don't know how to talk to your family about it, but it's gonna be more and more of us. And so we built this beautiful website and its limitation and then created scripts for people. So your intention, why you want to have the dinner, or the conversation, you select on the website, and then it auto generates the scripts and allows you to pick some homework based upon that intention. So very different scripts for somebody who's grieving versus somebody who's interested for spiritual or religious reasons in a conversation. And then people sit down, and they have this experience where they don't have to think about what are the questions, it's all laid out. And there's a ritual in the beginning and a ritual in the end, and it works.

    Good, give people some good food and some structure and have someone you know, kind of hold the space for it, lead it, you know, who is whoever is inviting the conversation? Yeah, it's, it's beautiful. And then I've only done three, you know, personally, and I, I actually invited my parents, maybe like two months ago, and they they turned me down. They said, No, we don't want to talk about this, because we have a lot of friends that are dying right now. And it was it was too much, but I am not giving up. Because I I just think it's so important to talk about. Yeah, I'll just leave it at Yeah.

    Well, I mean, let's talk about that. Because if If you are lining up and saying like, Oh, I want to do I want to have that conversation, if someone's listening to this podcast and be like, I'm interested in that, or if there's any like, no, no, no, you know, putting their fingers in their ears. We can talk to both of those people right now. So if you are excited about it, and you're saying, I want to have this conversation with my parents, my spouse, my best friends, my co workers, my kids, you are gonna get nose? Yep. You if you're excited about it, you are more excited about it than many of the people in your life, I promise you. And so here's the thing. The people in your life do want to talk about it. Yeah. But inviting them is tricky. can be tricky. It's not tricky. Some people are just gonna be like, hell yes. And I'm gonna bring all my friends too. And some people will be like, Hell, no, I'm never gonna have this conversation. But here's the thing. If we acted like, most people act, or at the end of life conversation, the death conversation, if we acted that way, like we do around love and work, we would never find love, and we would never have a job. So your parents said, No. But you know, how did you ask them? And you tried one way. And there are many different ways. And I think of it more of as a courtship. Right?

    Well, and and just just to share a little more, I sent that to them over email, as an initial conversation. I actually, at that time, was living in Costa Rica. And we hadn't had a deeper discussion, I had no idea that my father had a law school friend that was like literally going to be dying a week from that moment. So it was really bad timing on my end. And I went through a very deep process at the end of last year, where I spent five days in a very powerful workshop, really facing my death every single day.

    So it started on a Monday, anyone Friday was dying, like it was happening. And over the course of five days, I was being told you have four days to live, you have three days to live, you have two days to live, you have one day to live, you have 30 seconds to live, what are you going to do and I was buried, literally buried, I did write my eulogy. And I have been wearing a bracelet around my wrist, it's just a black thread. That reminds me, I'm gonna die. And it's been so powerful and so potent.

    And so you know, some of that experience I've been sharing with my parents. That's the courting I suppose. And I spent my birthday with them intentionally this year. But I haven't done in many, many years. And as part of my birthday dinner, I said, you don't know how I want to die. And I don't know how you want to die. And we have not talked about Advanced Directives. And I really want to know, so that I can honor your wishes. And my parents are probably going to hate that. I'm going to say this out loud. But they said we haven't even talked about it. We don't know. So at least I have started that inquiry. And I said, Well, I would like to be cremated. And this is where and I should probably put this in writing. Because I don't know when that is going to happen. And I want you to know. Yeah. So that's, that's, that's part of I think, what I have been dealing with it all.

    I'll just share one other piece of that. I want to bring it back to you, Michael. But I wasn't planning on sharing this. But it's so interesting. Yesterday, I was flying back to California from Florida from visiting my my family, my parents, and we were approaching Albuquerque. And they were crazy winds like the plane is rattling and it was just like it was it was crazy. And I'm like, Oh, my gosh, I have not reviewed the emergency protocol. Okay, the 510. Net didn't actually go through it at the beginning. Sometimes they do sometimes they don't. And I thought okay, what, what if you were to die right now? You know what that feels like? You have gone through the experience.

    And I just allowed myself to feel it. I was actually buried in the sand. I was I was in the sand. They left me there for an hour. And when they came to get me during this five days, I didn't want to come out Michael. I felt so at peace. I felt so held by the Earth just the weight of her on me. And so many people had very different experiences. They couldn't wait to get out. It scared the hell out of them. But I reminded myself of that embodied acts experience if if this were to happen, this is what you know, in your body that death is and it was, it was wonderful. I didn't have I didn't have fear and I was able to transport myself back in that place on the plane yesterday as it's rattling and shaking and Okay. Okay.

    And well, let's imagine your parents, yeah, that would have had very different experiences being buried for one, they wouldn't have gone to Costa Rica to die off and five days. But they have maybe like an anxious attachment relationship to it. Or an avoidant perhaps. And, you know, there are these, you know, we can take, we can use attachment styles for debt too. And going straight up to somebody who is so avoidant. And, you know, putting your finger right on the nose of it is going to be, you know, can can be a thing that has them seize up, right, of course, of course, you know, and this isn't just to you this is to people are listening, because you're not, you're no, I love, you're using this as a teachable moment. And frankly, I have not shared what I just shared with you, I think with only three people. But now here we go. Like, yes, it's been buried.

    But yes, there there is a there is avoidance, there is anxiety. And it's unknown, of course.
    Yeah. But there's a way in. So, you know, similarly with courtship, and with a job that you really want, you get creative. And you think about that person. Right? What what are they interested in? Does your mom love Tuesdays with maurey? Perhaps? No, didn't love the movie? Does you know, do they watch dramas that haven't includes our true crime? Or, you know, like, there's, there are ways in and a legacy legacy might be away? And what do you want to be remembered for? Let's get way out, you know, and what stories from your life, we want to make sure that your grandchildren know that that is a death conversation.

    There's a lot of things that yes, I agree, don't present as much as like, your advanced care directives, and what happens to your body when you die. Right there, there are things that are a little bit more adjacent, where people can open up and before you know it, you're gonna get all of their wishes. It's an unfurling. Because they've been, you know, we're in a society that denies it. And, and is obsessed with it. So we have an unnatural, we have this very unhealthy relationship to it, we're obsessed with that. Death is central to all the top TV shows, books, clickbait it's everywhere. But but our own is, is a real challenge for some people. And the other thing is we can experience it. Right? So it's one of those human experiences that we'll never have, why? Until we have it. And so, it's not something that we can imagine ourselves in. And we also think we're gonna have that other bias in our brain that has it that we're an exception to the rule. We all think we're an exception to the rule. Not gonna happen to me. Yeah. You know,
    that's just baked in. And so there's a lot but I love that you're trying, and I'm confident that you're gonna find

    I am pretty persistent. But yes, it's about right timing. And so I appreciate that you used my example as a teachable moment, but I there's so many different places we could go. I'd love to, you know, end on on two questions. One is, how have you maybe found the distinction within yourself but also happen to be in conversation with with folks around the difference between sadness and grief?

    Well, the thing is, grief is is not one thing. You know, sadness, it has a certain tonality to it. Grief is all of all of the colors all of the sounds of the emotions so you can be a grieving and being laughing. You can be ecstatic and grieving you can be grieving and be horny you can be grieving and be devastatingly depressed. You can be grieving and be inconsolable. You can And all of this is included in grief, grief is is not singular in that way. And, you know, sadness, I'm not an expert on sadness. I mean, then I'm Sam a little bit more expert on grief. And one of the things that I know to be true about grief is one, it's not linear. There, there are no stages.

    So many people think that Elisabeth Kubler Ross determined the five stages of grief, what Elisabeth Kubler Ross did was create the five stages that happen when we come to terms with our own death. That's what that is. That's what the stages of grief, as we call them, were originally written as she suggested that it might work for grief. And then she retracted it. Some people have taken her suggestion and made careers on it. And the culture has had a bonanza around this idea of grief, having five stages, it doesn't, it's for ever, grief doesn't go away doesn't mean that it's always awful. But the fact that the person is gone, and that whole, that shape of that person will always be in your heart.

    But the the way to heal that, if that's even the right word, or the way to orient around that is not to try to get back to normal. Or to forget about it or reintegrate into society. It's to honor them. It's called continuing bonds theory. And it's actually the healthy way of grieving. And a lot of countries do this very well, Mexico, India, Japan, where they elevate their relationship to the loved one as opposed to repress it. Right? This, this is going to be with you forever. Turn the beautiful part on and some of the sadness, sadness can be beautiful, poignant, leads to some amazing things inspires us to get in motion sometimes, but elevate that person in your life, build an altar, have some remembrance, turn their body, you know, their cremated remains into things like parting stone or a diamond or have some way where they live in your everyday life is the is the way forward with grief, even though we talk about it in such unhelpful ways.

    Thank you. Well, and I and my experience with any feeling, you know, the more that we witnessed it, and we witnessed it in community or even with one other person, and in some ways, we're shining the light on it. And it has that opportunity to heal and transform. And that's I think some of what you're doing with this conversation is we're taking it out of the ground, so to speak. We're giving it life and a chance for people to talk about it and therefore grieve together and heal together.

    Right. And you know, this idea of the word taboo, we'll just talk briefly because I think you have one last question. But taboo is not doesn't mean forbidden. What it actually it's a comes from a Polynesian term, taboo, Tipu. And what that that was referred to places that were sacred places that you have to like, we know for some reason, we know that a burial ground and you know, an Indian or Native American or indigenous burial ground, that we know, for some reason is taboo. Why do we know that? Because that's actually true. It's a sacred place. That's one of the things that was identified as taboo or taboo is a holy place, a sacred place where we actually have to cleanse ourselves or prepare ourselves or being a different state of mind, to go into that space. And that's a rich and meaningful space. Taboo is actually an invitation. It's an invitation and but it's not the regular Friday, your regular Tuesday, it is, I'm going to do I'm going to prepare myself when people go into a mosque, they cleanse themselves. You know, there is there's something about this, that we've forgotten that, yes, we can talk about the hardest things we can talk about trauma. We can talk about sex, we can talk about, you know, history of abuse, we can talk about anything gender, politics, we you name it, if we prepare ourselves properly, and create the right container. There's nothing that's off limits. It's when we don't take the care to do that, that we run into difficulty

    I agree. Thank you. So in the topic of death and grief, and this is something that has taken a lot of my heart and mind space and continues to. And I think I'm not alone in this, you know, what's happening with our planet, and the extinction of species, and all of the reports that have been coming in for a long time around what is happening with the warming of our planet, and especially the most recent reports, there is an ecological death that is happening. And I think that it is overwhelming for many people to even really look at and feel, feel the grief around the species that are gone for good, and that will be gone. But also, I don't feel like we're prepared with the skills and the resources to navigate what is coming with the fires, with the migration that is going to be happening across our world of people of beings. And I just feel curious, does ecological death or grief come up at all, in these death over dinner conversations? And how can we inspire people to start talking about it, and prepare, skillfully to talk about it? Because we need to talk about it? Because we can't avoid it? It's here.

    Yeah, and, you know, I think one of the things that we do is weaponize our own grief around this our own urgency as opposed to create space for people to that's inviting to be able to have their own experience of grief around the natural world. Right? A lot of us have had that experience. And we've been we can't believe that others haven't, you know, has woken up to it. Right? Wake up and notice. Wake up and notice is not how I want to be woken up. That doesn't work. I try I have a 14 year old if I come in and shake her or throw water on her or tell her all of the things that she hasn't done or shouldn't be doing. No, that's not how we want to wake somebody up to this. You know, a good morning, I love you. You know, can I? Can I get your coffee? Would you want toast? Or do you want a croissant? Do you want fruit for breakfast? Right? Like, this morning, I gave her some of those choices. She was so touched, she was like, I would love a coffee. She didn't even drink it. But justit's through love.

    Of course, you're loving, it's tender. And a gentle is about creating space. If you do want people to start to see the world in some way that resembles your way of seeing. Right? One you don't know if they're gonna have the same experience and come to the same conclusions. But until you invite somebody in to look at it themselves and feel it. You've already told them that they're not allowed unless they have a certain set of experiences generally are a certain kind of fire under them to make change is the only way you can be a ticket holder into this conversation. Right this.

    So you know, there's an incredible book called The Persuaders that just came out. And now Anons going to destroy his last name that is about the right and the left, and how we need more on ramps into these these movements. And I highly recommend that to anybody. But
    I would also put a little little plug that in my book, I have also created some practices for how to navigate the deep grief and feelings around this. And also, you know, I started experimenting with this practice many years ago when I was teaching at Stanford and I'd, I'd bring the students out into the grass. And I'd ask them to tell me what they loved most about nature, and what they really got from nature. And from that love. What are we willing to fight for? Right?

    What just like anything, you know, like our family, our friends, if we love something enough, we care for it. We want to protect it and I think that that is I believe the most palpable way into the conversation and to feel the heartbreak around what's happening and you know, a lot of it we have caused, and then we have a choice of what actions we're going to take because pa I couldn't believe we can we can reverse it right? There's there's 100 ways to reverse this. But it requires a certain level of activation of all of us.

    Yeah. And then, you know, we did create a dinner model called Earth to dinner, which was in partnership with the Paris accord. And the earth in Paris movement in the UN was one of our partners, and we got 1000s of people to have conversations about climate change. But I'll leave you with one story. Because it's, it hasn't asked Yeah, what what evolved from that? Yes. But feel free to feel free to leave the story as well.Yeah, I mean, that. That was, it was incredibly powerful. And I got to work with Jack Black, which was fun. And one of those famous like internet famous cats, I can't remember his name.

    But nonetheless, the, the story I'll leave you with around it, because I still think it should happen. And I was in Iceland, and got inspired by the glacial melt in Iceland. And, you know, the fact that we are, we're very action oriented, when it comes to those people that are working on climate change, action is really the currency. And I realized that there's a step before action, which is great that we're missing.

    And so started working on a project to build a table out of the glacier and got, like, the leading ice sculptor in Iceland, to we went out into tests and took, can we cut a table out of the glacier. And then we have the arc at angles, one of the leading sustainable architects in the world cetera to design the table. So the arc angles, gonna design the table, and then how we were started to form this dinner around it. And Bjork said yes, and Sigur Ros was coming. And the president of Iceland was involved. And all of this was happening. And the idea was, okay, we're going to build this table out of ice, and we're going to have a dinner on it that we're going to film and then leave it for people to come visit it while it melts. But the dinner itself was called the goodbye glacier dinner. And the idea very simply was, you know, let's read this together. Let's talk about a world without ice and how that makes us feel. Let's talk a world of burial without glacier. Let's talk about the sixth extinction, that we're in the middle of let's have these conversations from what are we going to miss? How is that going to feel? Which is something that's not politicized?

    Alright, that's just like, how's it gonna feel? No, full stop. Not now, I want you to make sure you recycle. And you can't wear those, you know, you can't wear fur, or you can't do this, or you can't eat this, or there's no need for you know, let's just grieve. And so and then unfortunately, the idea was so popular that a friend of mine decided to build a whole festival around this and a thought leadership festival. And it got way too big and fancy. And then the whole thing exploded.

    But the the reason we were doing it in the first place was the goodbye glacier dinner, and the goodbye glacier table. And so it still hasn't happened. And maybe somebody is
    listening. Maybe someone will listen and they'll say, let's start. Yeah, I love it. Okay, if you want to do it, I'm up for it. Michael's up for reach out. That was your story. Beautiful. Well, I know you have as I shared at the beginning of introducing you, you have a couple other movements, generations over dinner, and that feels like a wonderful opportunity for people of all different ages to come together towards talking about some of these big conversations that were hospice sing out to create something new.

    Yeah. So yeah, generations over dinner, I'll just be briefly partnership with Chip Conley, Chip Conley, the founder of modern elder Academy, and I'm sure he's been talked about maybe he's been on this podcast he has and chip has a new book, and he's going to be on it again.
    So I am very inspired by Chip and his work at modern elder Academy and the emphasis on intergenerational wisdom sharing. Yes, this idea that a modern elder is as as curious as they are wise. And that it is about sharing, as as well as being you know, just that curiosity, that desire to learn.

    And that's the hallmark of what we need an elders right now. We're also age, we have an age apartheid, if you will. Don't know if we can Bandy around the term apartheid. So I apologize if that's offensive. But we have a divisiveness and separation around age we do not know, people of different ages, generally speaking, we are not age diverse, in our country are really very much around the world is one of those American ideas that has been exported, to really just spend your time around people same age and not live with people of different ages, etc. And so we decided to create another social ritual that is generations over dinner.

    And that's a challenge to see how many generations you can get at a dinner table. And these dinners are happening all over the world as well, there have been already to seven generation dinners, not of the same family, but the generations like boomers, greatest silent millennia, we've gotten all seven living at tables, or people have I haven't even done it, people got inspired by it. And they're like, we'll do it. And two of those dinners, one in Australia, one in the US have happened. And they're these dinners happening of work, mentioned that there were a lot of enterprise or workplace has the most intergenerational opportunity, for sure.

    Right. And, in many ways, the most generational division. So Chevron, Uber and LinkedIn are three companies that have taken on generation over dinner and are using it at scale. But the project that I'm most excited about you, we talk to you most excited about, and it's like, I get pretty excited about death, obviously. But this work with generations that we're doing in senior living, uh huh. The most the thing I'm most excited about. So there's, I don't know the percentage, there's a lot of us that are in senior living, and a lot of people that we love. And I had this realization one day that senior living, whether that's assisted care, independent living, etc, represents the largest and most concentrated reservoir of wisdom on the planet. And it's just sitting there and we are not tapping it. And we are not in conversation with it. And, you know, my mom, neighbor, and her senior living establishment is former governor Barbara Roberts, the first female governor of Oregon, who's unbelievable human being, no one goes to see her her family does, but she should, she would mentor people all day. And so we started working with senior living and was like, Sure if if we bring you generations over dinner, and also bring you the young people or you just open your doors to young young folks or people in the middle age one, you'll get more people who want to live in or work in senior living.

    But the loneliness epidemic that's happening at the oldest and the youngest, can be cured. And so now we're in like, 1000, Senior Living. Oh, I love hearing that. Well, my parents live and Valencia lakes, which is in Sun City, Florida, which is a quite a large 55 and older retirement village. And I was just spending a lengthy visit with them. And one of the things and I'm, I've always been an old soul, I have always had people in their 60s. In my life, I'm I'm in my early 40s. But I would go to the fitness center, this is just kind of a fun story. And I'd have lots of folks that I would just interact with, and they would just want to come up and give me wisdom.

    I saw a little lady, you know, like, like this, this man that was 90, which I wouldn't have known. He's like, don't stop moving. Like, okay, I'm not planning on it. And then this, this other man who was 66. But I want to respect their desire to share and it was it's beautiful, but you can't really get a workout in.

    But I love that. I love that, Michael, this conversation has been so meaningful. I just really appreciate how you have just started the conversation literally in so many important areas and your service. And I hope that we will be able to continue to converse, and I'm just very passionate about helping you amplify all these incredible movements. So thank you
    know, thanks for having me. And to those listening out there. It's all available. It's all free. Kind of never charged for any of these initiatives. So grab them, enjoy if death isn't the topic or psychedelic drugs had the topic that you're interested in generations over dinner is kind of for everybody.

    It is and all these links will be in the show. My notes, and Michael is also on LinkedIn. And he's got a website. And he's got a fabulous TED Talk. So all these all these links will be in the show notes, Michael, thank you again.
    Thanks so much talk soon.

    Hey, folks, thanks so much for listening to this wonderful conversation with Michael and I are on the intersection of grief and death. And therefore, how we want to fully live our lives. I wanted to share a few more thoughts and prompts, and resources, so that you could engage in this deeper inquiry around life and death for yourself when you're ready. And I'll start off with this, there is always a cycle of birth and death, and all things it's part of life. And nothing endures but change. And accepting this reality has the potential to transform the dread of dying into joyful living. I started working with cancer patients in my early 20s.
    And it informed me at an early age on the preciousness of life, I'd also had a meditation practice for probably a couple years before that journey of working with cancer patients. So I was already informed on how important being here for the present moment is. And I saw a lot of the patients that I was serving go through incredible changes when they knew they were about to die. I also saw some people that didn't have a chance to really pivot and had regrets on their deathbed. And last year, I knew that I needed a deeper reset for myself. And I took about 10 weeks sabbatical in Costa Rica, which is a place I've been going to for about 10 years. And I spent the first month in silence. And I have spent a lot of my life in the last 1314 years in silence. So I'd been getting myself ready to take a month, in some ways, because I had taken two to three weeks a year for many years. And it was incredibly nourishing for myself.

    And after I came out of silence, I prepared to die. Essentially, I had already decided to do a workshop with a teacher and a guide that I respected. And I shared a little bit about my experience with Michael, in the interview that you just listened to. But I had five days to live and die. And there were lots of very potent exercises that I did in preparation. And it was a real embodied experience. So much so that at the very end of the week, I was buried. And it gave me a lot to think about on how I wanted to live my life and what had the most urgency right now. And what came through were some really life changing insights. And I have as much as I can really try to orient my life around those insights into actions.

    And so one of the biggest aha was for me, when I knew I was about to die was I needed to invest in home, I needed to have a place to die. That was a place I felt safe, where I had loved ones where I had community where I deep roots. And I didn't have that. And I am cultivating that now I lived in the Bay Area for a lot of my adult life and because of how expensive it is, and because of some of what I chose to do during those many years, I couldn't invest in a property. And I frankly put the work of helping clients and companies above my own well being and my own happiness.

    And I wrote a book for almost four years. So there was a way that I was sacrificing my self in support of a purpose that I believed was more important. And that has really shifted I am no longer willing to make those same types of sacrifices for for the rest of my life. Because life is short, isn't it? And I think many people have been going through those same kinds of changes and acknowledgments over the past couple of years with the pandemic. And so as a result of facing my own death, I put some actions in place So that might be inspiring for you to hear. So I chose to spend three weeks with my parents in May, to nurture more connection really have meaningful time with them in these years where they're still healthy and able, and a lot of my life I have lived in California, and my family's in Florida, and it was incredibly sweet and tender. And I'm so grateful for it. And I hope that we will all have more time like that to connect, and get to know one another.

    There are ways that I know my parents now that I didn't know when I was a teenager, or even in my early 20s. And I think there are ways that they're getting to know me, as well. I have also recently moved to a community where I am really excited to invest more time and energy, in community in play in friendship, and belonging. And I'm holding greater boundaries around what is my right work, and what do I need that supports me to do that right work in a way that is balanced. So these are just some of some of the things that I have been putting into play. And frankly, one of the things that is also driving this greater motivation is that based on the warming that is occurring in the planet, and not knowing what is going to happen with our planet, and not really knowing how humanity is going to show up in this time, I know it's going to be hot, how hot it's going to be is up to us.

    And based on that there will be more adaptations, there will be more floods and fires and smoke and scarcity of water and resources. And therefore, in order to really enjoy my life, in addition to the My deeper purpose, to help solve some of these big problems we have created. I don't want to miss out on the beauty that is here.

    Speaking of the intersection of grief, and ecological death, I wanted to share with you some practices that I wrote about in my book that I think will be really helpful for you, if you like me, are also looking for those tools and resources to help you navigate what is here, what is coming. And so in chapter nine of my book, there is a practice. There's a couple practices actually one of them is turning emotional upset into inspired action.

    And I do believe that by having greater emotional resilience, we will have greater climate resilience. So allow yourself to just listen in to this excerpt from my book. I presented at Planet home in 2019, which is a gathering of changemakers scientists, Hollywood activists and musicians who are bringing greater awareness to climate problems as well as their solutions. During planet home, I led the participants of my workshop through a hike in nature in the Presidio of San Francisco. I invited those on the hike to notice what they love about Nietzsche, and based on that love what feelings arose when they thought about the Amazon burning, the glaciers melting, and the massive amounts of species dying every day.

    People shared deep grief, anger, fear, uncertainty and hope. Embracing the discomfort allows us to inform ourselves about how we want to act in service of the earth. So hearing that, I invite you to go out in nature once a week, and walk barefoot on the ground. Listen to the earth. Allow yourself to feel the nourishment from your connection to nature. And notice your love and appreciation of your surroundings. Let yourself feel all the feelings that arise about the destruction of our planet. And if the feelings are too much to bear, drop down to the earth with your hands and knees and let the earth hold some of your fear grief and rage. Yell if you have to let the emotions release from your body. You don't need to hold them in. From a deep place of feeling. Ask yourself how do I want to show up in service of To the earth, and then whatever answer arises, follow it. This will help you to stand in your commitment to be a good steward of this planet.

    And a couple of prompts for you, in addition to that practice before we end. When we think about using death as a catalyst to live a more meaningful life, there is another book that could also be helpful for you. There's so many, but this one came to mind.

    So Daniel Pink, an author that I respect, wrote a book about regrets. And he spoke about the five most common regrets that people had in life. So here they are, one, I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me to. I wish I hadn't worked so hard. Three, I wish I had the courage to express my feelings. For I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends, five, I wish that I had allowed myself to be happier.

    So in thinking about this conversation, what you've heard for me from Michael, if you're curious how you will start your journey to use death as a way to live a more meaningful and purposeful life. If you enjoyed this episode, please give me a five star review helps so much and then other folks can find the shine podcast, share with friends, family colleagues on LinkedIn, we are all in this together and sharing is caring.

    Are you seeking a catalyst to increase trust in your team upskill your leadership create a flourishing culture. I am your person. These are my areas of genius. And I love solving problems creating strategy, enrolling stakeholders related to these topics. And I've had incredible results with amazing companies. Reach out to me on LinkedIn, and book a consultation. I would love to help. I have some incredible interviews coming in the rest of this podcast season so make sure you subscribe to the shine podcast. Additionally, there's a lot of resources in the show notes around some of the pieces that Michael and I spoke about. Thanks so much for listening. And until we meet again, be the light and shine the light

    Shine
    enJune 07, 2023

    66. We are Water Protectors with Carley Hauck and Greg Koch

    66. We are Water Protectors with Carley Hauck and Greg Koch

    This SHINE podcast episode is on the importance that water plays in all of our lives. Water is a  fundamental resource and life. In this interview, we will speak about why water stewardship is important.  We will address three significant challenges in the quality of water on the planet: Red Tide, Microplastics and PFAs. We speak about how these 3 are interconnected, the dangers of them to our well being, and action steps you can take to reverse the negative impacts at an individual and business level.  This inspiring episode will ignite greater purpose and inspiration to be a water protector.  

    Episode Links:

    Greg Koch on LinkedIn:
    https://www.linkedin.com/in/gregkochsustainability/

    Greg Kochs Book


    SHINE Links:

    Thank you for listening. Want to build a high trust, innovative, and inclusive culture at work? Sign up for our newsletter and get the free handout and be alerted to more inspiring Shine episodes 

    Building Trust Free Gift — leadfromlight.net

    Carley Links:

    LinkedIn — https://www.linkedin.com/in/carley-hauck/

    Consultation Call with Carley — https://carleyhauck.com/contact

    Book Carley for Speaking — https://carleyhauck.com/speaking

    Leading from Wholeness Learning & Development — https://carleyhauck.com/learning-and-development

    Carley’s Book — https://carleyhauck.com/SHINEbook

    Executive Coaching with Carley — https://carleyhauck.com/executive-coaching


    Environmentally Friendly Products for Water Protection

    Grove Collaborative

    Red tide

    Everything you wanted to know about Red Tide- Scripps Edu

    Red Tide Affects in Tampa/St Pete Area

    PFAS

    CDC Fact Sheet

    Dark Waters- Documentary on PFAS

    How Dupont may avoid paying to clean up toxic forever chemicals 

    Microplastics

    https://oceanservice.noaa.gov/facts/microplastics.html

    https://www.nature.com/articles/d41586-021-01143-3

     

    Well Being Resources:

    Inner Game Meditations — https://carleyhauck.com/meditations

    Inner Game Leadership Assessment- https://tinyurl.com/igniteyourinnergame

     

    Social: 

    LinkedIn — https://www.linkedin.com/in/carley-hauck/

    IG — https://www.instagram.com/carley.hauck/

    Website — https://www.carleyhauck.com

    Shine Podcast Page — https://carleyhauck.com/podcast

     

    Imperfect Shownotes:

     

    Carley Hauck  0:08  

    Hi, welcome to the shine podcast. My name is Carley Hauck. I'm your host, this is the fifth season of the shine podcast. I started the shine podcast as a way of doing research for my book on conscious leadership in business. And you will find interviews with scientists, researchers and business leaders on the intersection of conscious inclusive leadership, the recipe for high performing teams and awareness practices. My book debuted in 2021 Shine ignite your inner game of conscious leadership and was voted one of the best books to read in 2022. By mindful magazine, I facilitate two episodes a month of the shine podcast. And before I tell you about the topic for today, please go over to Apple podcasts or your favorite podcast carrier and hit the subscribe button so you don't miss any future episodes. The focus of this season is on the essentials for wellbeing. And that encompasses the intersection of our personal well being the collective well being of our workplace, and how that fosters and nurtures the planet's well being they are all connected. I focus on well being this season, because I really want to crack the code and inspire folks to prioritize their individual well being and therefore that will transcend into the collective and the planet's well being. And I have developed a inner game leadership assessment that I gave out to 100 different leaders last year. And the leadership assessment is based on the framework of the inner game, which is what we're cultivating on the inside to be conscious leaders. And then it shows up on the outside when we've cultivated the certain qualities. And two of the nine leadership competencies that were lowest from the sample of 100 leaders were psychological and physical well being. Therefore, that is why we are focusing on well being and if you're curious about where your strengths and gaps are, around the qualities to become a conscious leader, you can take the assessment and find out your score for free. I recently opened to the assessment tool to the public and the link will be in the show notes. Now onto our episode. Hello, Shine podcast listeners. Thank you so much for joining this season. I am so excited about this conversation with my friend, Greg. Coach. Greg, thank you so much for being here.

     

    Greg Koch  3:06  

    Thanks for having me, Carley. I really enjoyed the last podcast we did and the relationship that we've maintained the friendship since then. And I'm looking forward to today,

     

    Carley Hauck  3:15  

    likewise. And for those of you listening, I just want to share that I've only had two folks that have now been on the podcast twice. And so Greg, you're in very good company. Lynne twist, who wrote the foreword for my book, who has a new book that just actually came out that I interviewed her on at the end of last year is the only other person that has been on the shine podcast twice, but for good reason, the fact that you are both repeating, because you're very purposeful leaders, and she is also a very strong climate leader. And so I'm delighted that you both

     

    Greg Koch  3:58  

    are here, I feel honored.

     

    Carley Hauck  4:02  

    Well, so with that, please introduce, introduce yourself regarding your current role at IR M. And also, you know, why? The topic of water stewardship and water protection, which we'll be speaking about in various ways today is personally and professionally important to you.

     

    Greg Koch  4:26  

    Sure. Well, thanks again for having me. My name is Greg couch, and I live in Atlanta, Georgia. And I've spent when I've not been on a plane or somewhere out of the country, which has been quite often throughout my career, I've been based in Atlanta, here in Atlanta, Georgia. I currently work for consultancy called e r m Environmental Resources Management. And my role there as a technical director is in the water and climate space and And primarily what I do is work with clients to translate all the noise around water and climate risks and issues into an assessment of how those issues will impact the business, both negatively and potentially positively. Meaning there are opportunities to, to, to look at as well as risks to try to mitigate. And so what does that look like? Well, it takes all the data that everyone has, but then dives deeper in what information the client would have around their water use or greenhouse gas emissions, what they've experienced in terms of impacts regulations, employee interest, other external stakeholder interest, including investors, NGOs, customers, and consumers. So that nuances all that, that global information and local information, and allows you to come up with scenarios realistic scenarios of what could happen positively or negatively, because of the stress issues. And then let's just focus for the sake of time on the risks versus the opportunities. But when you look at the risks that we quantify, we help the clients quantify a probability of that risk event happening, and then the impact that they would experience if that risk scenario or if that manifested itself. And that assessment of risk, what what would this mean, to me, me in this case would be accompany, but it's the same if you want to take it down to the personal level. Once you translate the issue, into what could happen positively and negatively, to you, your business, what have you, that leads to two things that I find very powerful one is, it leads to ownership, because you're a part of translating the noise into real impacts that you would experience or maybe already are experiencing. So the ownership, right, you're not just accepting the data and saying, Okay, that's an issue, I'm going to do something about it. There's nothing inherently wrong with going from issue to action, but issue to risk and opportunity quantification, in my experience leads to that ownership, but also more impactful actions. So so that's what I do. And in the course of the topics we'll discuss, I can give you some examples of how I've helped clients, and what that actually looks like.

     

    Carley Hauck  7:42  

    Thank you. So that was a great summary. Why does protecting the water there's no, there's lots of resources in the environment that we can protect. But that seems to be one you've really narrowed in on in your life and in your career, why does what is protecting the water personally matter to you?

     

    Greg Koch  8:06  

    Well, it should matter to everyone in the same way it matters to me in that it is a fundamental resource life as we know, it does not exist without water, there is no substitute for water. And at the same time, while water is a finite resource, there's a fixed amount of water on Earth that you cannot change over the long term. We can't create or destroy water over the long term. But it's infinitely renewable. So I'll be honest, most of my pre adult life, I took water for granted water was something I played in, I recreated in I saw fall from the sky, you know, experience rainfall, you you have a daily visceral connection with water. So it's always been important, but honestly, I took it for granted. Like I think most people do, and probably that those from the fact that over human history, water has been relatively abundant, and relatively clean, and therefore hasn't posed significant challenges to the majority of civilizations that have come and gone and that currently exist. But all that's changed, certainly since the Industrial Revolution, and even more in the last few decades, particularly from the impacts of climate change, which we talked about in in our previous podcast was very, you know, climate change is the message than water is the messenger. Right? You experience climate change, primarily not through hotter temperatures, but through some change, more intense and more unpredictable water situation. So what was the aha moment for me? It came when I was working for the Coca Cola company. And one of the jobs I had It was addressing wastewater discharge around the world and the company had implemented a standard or requirements say that if you can't discharge your wastewater, your industrial wastewater into a sewer system, if you will, where the government were utility would fully treat that water, then you had to build a wastewater treatment plant yourself, right, so that you weren't discharging, untreated, industrial and sanitary waste. And that was very well adopted. But the standard that is, but it went when I first started assessing the current status. Now, keep in mind, Coca Cola operates, I think, in all but one or two countries in the world and has 1000 Hot plants. And so I really got exposed to the local conditions around water. Initially, it was through the lens of water pollution, but quickly started to appreciate the challenges of drinking water access, reliable, safe, affordable water, being there at the tap when you needed it, or in some close proximity. And all of that was happening at a time where in my life, I had young children, they're 25 and 22. Now, but at the time, they were toddlers, and, you know, preschool or school aged children. And you know, I appreciate it. The the luxury that we have compared to most of the rest of the world, in having that safe water access, and then seeing the impact when that safe drinking water is available, what that does to communities and made me appreciate more the situation that that we have here in Atlanta, but also recognize how dire the situation around water was around the world. And so

     

    Carley Hauck  12:01  

    I have a more personal recently, which I'll see ya, yes. But you know about Yeah, thank you. Yeah, yeah. That's fascinating. Well, let me just kind of queue up what we're gonna be talking about today for those listening. So So Greg, and I've been noodling and emails in the last few weeks. And we came up with this fabulous conversation to share with you. So we're going to be really reviewing the interconnection between red tide microplastics and PFS. Over the course of the next, you know, 4045 minutes with you all, we're going to talk about what each of these are, how they are negatively impacting the planet's well being locally, globally, but then how that is impacting our well being, because what happens, what the planet is going to be happening with us, you know, we are interconnected. And we are, unfortunately, creating a lot of these problems. So we have the opportunity to shift that, to clean it up, you know, this, this is our home, we need to take care of our home. So so that is really going to be what we will be empowering, and activating and shedding the light on for all of you. And I also thought I would share a little bit about why water protection matters to me. So well. I grew up in Florida, which is not too far from Georgia, they're, you know, they're their neighboring our sister states, we could say. And from a very young age, I just had this kind of inner climate leader. And I was, you know, spending a lot of my childhood in St. Augustine, Florida, which is actually deemed to be one of the oldest cities in the United States. It's apparently where Ponce de Leon founded the fountain of youth. There's old Spanish forts. It's a beautiful, quaint city. And we would go you know, they're from my hometown of Gainesville when I was a kid every summer and multiple times during the year and I was noticing plastic on the beach. And because I was really interested in ocean life, and my father would give money to the World Wildlife Fund or the cetaceans society and so he would get these really cool calendars with all of these beautiful pictures of whales and dolphins and being a curious kid. I'm still a curious kid. Just a little older. I would I would go and look at the calendars and I'd see all these different organisms. missions and I started doing some research and finding out, wow, this humpback whale is endangered and this bottlenose dolphin is also endangered. And the sea turtle that I am fascinated with is really struggling. Why? Well, because we are poaching them, you know, we're polluting the oceans. And so when I was eight, nine years old, I literally was writing letters to the dictator. I guess they were a dictator at that time of Japan. And I said, stop killing the whales. So I adopted a gray. Yeah, I drafted a gray whale for my third grade class was $25. Back then I'm sure it's not much more y'all, you can adopt a gray whale. But it kind of started off, you know, at a young age. And so I've always felt this, frankly, responsibility to take care of the ocean. And there were not trash receptacles on the beaches in Florida. And I'm speaking to this now, because that was about 40 years ago, and I was recently in Florida, during red tide, which we're gonna get into in just a minute. And right before I left, thankfully, the basically the Tampa Bay St. Pete area lifted the restriction of being at the beach, because if you're near Red Tide, which Greg is going to tell us more about, you know, I mean, it can actually create some really adverse consequences, you can't breathe, you know, people get really sick if they go near the water if they go in the water. So all of the, you know, beaches, basically, in the Tampa St. Pete area, we were restricted from going and then the day before I was about to leave, they lifted those restrictions, it was safer, supposedly to go. And so I was walking on the beach with my father and I see a piece of plastic, which I know if I don't pick up a sea turtle is probably going to, at some point in their lifecycle see it, if it goes in the ocean, think it's going to jellyfish and it's going to try to eat it. So that's just an innate reflex of mine pick up trash, if you see it on the beach. And there was no place to throw it away. There's I mean, so Florida, Florida people. Now see you it's been 40 years I was doing this when I was five, I'm getting closer to 45. It does not take a lot of money to put waste receptacles recycle, compost would be great on the beach. Otherwise, it makes it really hard for people to do the right thing. Because most people are not going to pick up trash and carry it to a receptacle. And let's let's just let's just be real, like, you know, people go to the beach, they bring stuff, they bring stuff they don't even intend to leave on the beach. But let's say they have a screaming two year old who came with a little plastic bunny. And she throws the bunny on the beach and the bunny then gets stuck in the sand and they don't bring it back. Anyway, these things happen. Let's just make it easy for people to do the right thing. So this is why the water protection matters to me, because this is our home. I care about the planet, I care about the creatures, and I want to create a legacy for the future, that I'm not going to feel guilty about that I'm not going to regret that I couldn't have done more. And that, frankly, is going to alleviate so much suffering of so many people because we do the right thing right now.

     

    Greg Koch  18:50  

    Yeah. That's amazing. Thanks for sharing that.

     

    Carley Hauck  18:53  

    Yeah, thank you, Greg. Well, and I know that the folks that are listening to this have that inner water protectors as well. And so, before this podcast ends, I'm going to leave you all a prompt to really ignite that part of you because we all have that responsibility. And that opportunity. Okay, so without further ado, Greg, I feel like there's a you know, a music or is playing in the background. Can you please illuminate? Let's start with red tide. What is red tide? And why does it matter?

     

    Greg Koch  19:35  

    Yep. All right. So red tide is a global phenomenon. It can be called different things. But it's a condition where there's a certain micro organism and I'll get into that in a moment. It's an algae, different types of algae, but there's one in particular, that when it grows in abundance, when it grows, period, it per Do says a toxin a neurotoxin, as part of how it metabolizes food, and when shellfish in particular, but other aquatic species as well are exposed to that toxin, it can kill them and or affect their reproductive abilities. And if you eat those fish or shellfish in particular, you could ingest some of that toxin and it would have negative effects for you. It's called Red tide in in Florida and other parts of the world because that bacteria when it grows in maths, it takes on a reddish brown color. And that can actually color the water. And so the phrase red tide is used. There are other versions for it. So it's good that we started with red tide, because it's, it's the only one of these three topics microplastics and P Foss and red tide that occurs naturally, even without humans, but as exacerbated by humans. The other two topics we that's all the on us. Right? So red tide, or versions of it have been in recorded history as far back as the 1500s. So well before the Industrial Revolution well before the type of Population and Development we have today. So we know, in Florida, in other parts of the world, red tide has occurred naturally, these are naturally occurring micro organisms, and they do in particularly in warmer weather, when they are faced with enough nutrients. And I'll talk about the nutrients in a moment. It can cause it's perfect conditions, and they just start growing like crazy. If they are the type of algae that, that that produce this neurotoxin, then you get this, this red tide that happens now a little bit about the micro organisms, they're algae, and when you get a big growth of them, it's called an algal bloom. Right, just a lot of algae. One algae that all of us are familiar with, or most of the listeners should be familiar with is kelp. So seaweed, most forms of seaweed, including kelp are algae. So algae can be really big. If you've been diving off the coast of San Diego, the kelp forests are massive that actually an algae. So they are and I say that just to say that they are naturally occurring. When that algae bloom happens, I already talked about the impact to aquatic species, that neurotoxin and how that could impact you, but that that toxin that's released also becomes airborne. And most people will have trouble breathing. People who have immune compromised, their immune compromised or have asthma are more sensitive for some reason to to, you know, respiratory issues. It can be, it can be very debilitating. I'm not certain about deaths. And could anyone say this person died because of this, but it's certainly a complicating factor. And as you said, when that occurs, advisors go out and say, Okay, we're going to close the beach, you know, we're going to close it, the fishing, and we're going to close it to even people walking on the beach, because of both the dead fish and shellfish that will come up on shore. No one wants to walk around that. The smell of that, of course, but then also that toxin that's in the air that that's going to affect everyone and some people very significantly. So that's what

     

    Carley Hauck  23:48  

    Yeah, no, thank you. And just to speak to that, you know, I was reading a lot of articles. So I was I was in Florida a couple of weeks ago visiting my parents in the Tampa St. Pete area. And I remember when I was last there, there was also a red tie. And I'm like, why is Why is this still here? And so as I was as I was doing some deeper research, it had been in full bloom essentially with some minor, you know, wanes since December 22. And I just thought this has been going on for over a year. Yeah. And, and as I did more research, like 600 tons of whales and dolphins and turtles and fish are just rotting there. They're dead. I mean, this makes no sense to me. So that was in Part I, I was very angry. And I reached out to Greg and I said what is going on? And he said I was just in Florida too. Yep. So So I guess that'll go to the next piece of it. Why is this happening? And I've done some research, but I'd love to ask.

     

    Greg Koch  25:03  

    Sure. Well, like I said, it's been documented back to the 1500s. So it happens, it happens all by itself without any human intervention. But, and the science is not conclusive yet. But it is certain about one thing. A couple of things. One, you know, these things naturally exist. And for them to thrive, they need warm temperatures, like climate change, and they need nutrients food, just like you and I, we need magnesium and iron and potassium and you know, all these elements and nutrients, phosphates, nitrates, what have you. Our bodies need them to metabolize, to build cell structures to process food, what have you, it's the same with with any living organism, there's a set of nutrients that are critical. So when you have conditions where you have warmer than normal, or just warm temperatures and lots of food in the form of nutrients, that's right conditions, ideal conditions rather for a red tide to have red tide in quotes. Sometimes it's called the Blue tide. Sometimes it's all the other things, but let's just use red tide. So what role do humans play in either of those two conditions? Well, climate change is conclusively, in part, caused by manmade action. So we're making the world warmer, global warming aspect of climate change. And then we grow a lot of food and apply a lot of the nutrients that these algae love to the land. We do that in agriculture, we do that in our own home gardens, our lawns, our public spaces, to maintain those, for the most part, we apply a lot of fertilizer. And the main things in fertilizer are potassium, and nitrogen, and manganese. And so it is those nutrients that that enable the algae to thrive. So again, not conclusive, but if you triangulate runoff from land, particularly agricultural areas, and then coastal areas with warm, particularly warmer than normal water, body temperatures, you get these blooms. One thing I failed to say earlier, it's not just a title issue in the sense of the ocean, you can have algal blooms in freshwater, particularly in lakes, probably the, for those of your listeners that are familiar with the United States, Lake Erie, every summer, the west end of it, I believe it's the West End, just gets this green pond types gum on it, and, and that too, is it's green. And I'm sure people have been hiking and you know, in the forest and come across a pond and it's just covered in green scum. And that's algae, and conditions were ripe for that algae to to grow. Now, even if it doesn't produce this toxin, it still can have impacts on the environment and therefore humans. So this Algae grows, and it comes to a point where it can't grow anymore, because there's not enough room or enough nutrients or enough oxygen. And so that algae that algal bloom will eventually die. And when it dies, it settles to the bottom where other micro organisms say Oh, buffets open, let's go eat. And they start multiplying like crazy. And in doing that they they grow and they use up a lot of oxygen. So the dissolved oxygen, the amount of oxygen that's in water, for plants and animals to breathe to use is decreased and you get fish kills and other impacts. Probably the most famous one in the United States is in the Gulf of Mexico, at the outfall of the Mississippi River. Every summer there's a dead zone, actually called a dead zone because really everything dies because so much nutrients from all the agricultural practices in the Midwest come down the Mississippi dump all those nutrients in the summer you have warm temperatures and you get this massive algal bloom and once that algal bloom starts dying off, you get accelerated dissolved oxygen content and everything dies a dead zone. That doesn't sound great. So so it happens naturally. But it is pretty clear that higher temperatures from climate change and nutrients, primarily from fertilizer application, untreated sewage, untreated sewage, those types of things are going to exacerbate. Yep.

     

    Carley Hauck  30:09  

    Thank you. And I was also just gonna share, and it's not cracking down on polluters, right. And also, you and I were having a conversation prior to this one about how do we educate farmers to be more regenerative and their approach, right? I mean, we all know composting is the way we know that regenerative agriculture is the way forward so that we have, we're not ripping up, you know, the soil infrastructure, but we're regenerating it. So it's easier to continue to create a lot of opportunities for food and growth without all of this fertilizer. And it seems like from some of the research that I've been doing around Florida, and I'll leave, we're gonna leave a lot of, you know, very validated links about all of these things in the show notes. But apparently, the sea it was in the clean waterways act of 2020, did not require agricultural interests to reduce phosphorus runoff, and continues to rely on what is effectively a system of voluntary compliance. Well, that is not going to get it done. appealing to people's altruistic motivations. Unfortunately, without I think, certain checks and balances and consequences, is not going to support red tide to diminish. What do you think, Greg?

     

    Greg Koch  31:39  

    I agree. And, you know, not in defense, but an explanation of farmers. They spend a lot of money buying fertilizer, and they spend time and money applying it to land. And they know that they apply more fertilizer than the plants they're growing can actually absorb. And that cost them money. And when you apply more that the plants can use, that's what becomes runoff either trickles down into groundwater, or it's gonna run off off the surface, and then into rivers, lakes, and eventually into the ocean. The reason they they do that is that when a plant needs a certain nutrient, let's say nitrogen or phosphorus, they want to make sure it's available. Right? So you put more than you need, because you know, someone's going to wash off. And that when that plant in that part of the field is ready for it's there. Now, yes, if you knew at every part of the field, exactly what a plant is needs. During its growth cycle, you could apply that but just think of the technology and the cost of trying to understand that at such a granular level. So it's it's much easier for them to just apply it more liberally, if you will, so that they ensure that the plant is going to have the nutrients it needs. But unfortunately, that's what what ends up in our waterways and whether it causes red tide or not. There. There's other impacts to us, right? You know, the water treatment systems, for instance, for drinking water around Lake Erie, when they are faced with their source of water being covered in this green algal bloom. They have much higher water treatment costs to make that water safe to drink. It's a cyanobacteria that that actually grows from that blue green algae that causes that, that pond scum. So if you say all right, well, that's just temporary. It's in the summer. It's well, what if you live there, you know, beyond the health impacts?

     

    Carley Hauck  33:53  

    Well, I want to share I want to share just this is coming from an article. This is from a current, you know, citizen that lives in Pinellas County in Florida. So this is her experience in this part of Florida as we know it happens all over the world and all over the country. But she let me just Okay, so this this is coming from a woman Alicia Norris, a mother of 352. She experienced it firsthand. She said I cannot shake off that sickening, nauseous feeling in the summer of 2018. From the stench of dead fish turtles and manatees rotting in reddish brown coastal waters along the shorelines of St. Petersburg and the state's Tampa Bay area. And apparently, you know, it's been getting worse every year, as we know, because, you know, it gets it gets hotter. And just within the last year, Pinellas County Only officials reported collecting 600 tons of dead fish as the red tide peaked.

     

    Greg Koch  35:07  

    What that does to Yeah, it's deadly life.

     

    Carley Hauck  35:10  

    Property dolphins, manatees? Yeah,

     

    Greg Koch  35:13  

    the loss of biodiversity, property values, tourism dollars, you know, that fisheries people, fish or people who go out and catch fish to sell that we eat, you know, all of those are going to be impacted when you have a situation like this.

     

    Carley Hauck  35:31  

    And then, apparently, in 2001, the leak there is a basically a phospho Algeciras leak, that was discovered in a reservoir pond, that was holding 480 million gallons of toxic wastewater produced from phosphate. So there's apparently a lot of that that is positive, there's 25 Giant, toxic wastewater ponds in Florida. So I'm kind of sharing some of the God I don't want to hear this. But isn't this evoking emotion, emotion is going to get us to do something different. So I want to expose what's here? Because then we get to act on it. So we've kind of addressed what is red tide? How is it negatively impacting us? And now we get into what can we do about it? So and then we'll move similar Lee into PSAs, and microplastics, because they all are connected?

     

    Greg Koch  36:37  

    They are. So what can you do? I'd say for all of these topics, any topic that's new to you. Do some research, get some facts, as you said, Carly, in the show notes, you're gonna have some links to some reputable this is like no, CDC, right? Go get some facts. And

     

    Carley Hauck  36:57  

    Greg and I have come up with these resources together, by the way, so they're I'm not just pulling them out of thin air we actually came together on like, okay, let's share these. Yeah.

     

    Greg Koch  37:07  

    So whatever the topic is climate change, microplastics, red tide, you know, whatever, go get educated, you know, maybe this, this podcast is the first step. But if this interests you, or some emotion that's evoked, we'll do some reading. But beyond that, there's always advocacy that people can do and, you know, become somewhat, you know, cliche ish, but write your representative in Congress, right, your local, but those things matter, right? So do write your local representatives, your your local town, your county, your state, whomever and say, This is my voice, you know, that it's rare that people get to voice their concerns and issues with elected representatives outside of voting for them. Right. But but this is one way. And they have entire staffs, who, whose job it is to feel these questions and summarize and, and so it does have an impact on these people. If they say, you know, 10,000 people in my constituency have written to me about this issue. They're passionate about this issue, I have to say something and perhaps do something, and perhaps doing something is going to be something constructive. So get educated. Right, your representatives, right. But what can you do

     

    Carley Hauck  38:30  

    on it to plug one other piece to? Yeah, you know, I think it's also really important that we give money and we're supporting the institutions that are doing research on this. So for example, like, the mote aquarium is a research laboratory down in St. Pete, Tampa Bay, Scripps, which is where I am in San Diego, you know, they're they're doing some incredible research around ocean protection and how climate change is impacting the coral reefs to our water to red tide. And so like how do we support these institutions that are creating the education for us?

     

    Greg Koch  39:10  

    That is, and they're also creating the data, the science that regulators and other people will eventually look to to say, Okay, this defines the situation now I want to do something about it. So excellent. Add.

     

    Carley Hauck  39:25  

    Yeah. So I know we could talk about this for hours. So I want to move us into woody Which one do you want microplastics PFS?

     

    Greg Koch  39:37  

    Well, let me let me just want to add one more thing for things that you can do at home right now. Yes. Even if you live in Kansas and not worried about red tide, but one is, think about the fertilizers you're putting on your own lawn in your own flower pots in your in your apartment, whatever the case. There's a huge climate impact producing those fertilizers. And then if incorrectly applied, they can contribute to water quality issues, including red tie. So think about maybe using composting of your food waste and using that as a fertilizer and just be thoughtful about your fertilizer application. The other thing is, if your house or apartment, your home relies on a septic tank, that septic tank should be properly maintained. You know, it's not flush it and forget it, you still have a responsibility as a homeowner to properly maintain that when those aren't properly maintained. They can release a lot of sewage, which has lots of problems, but nutrients are are one of the things that is contained in sewage. So those are two other things that you could do. All right.

     

    Carley Hauck  40:50  

    I really appreciate that, as well. And you know, the other piece two, and I know you came up with this, but I think it's so important that we pay attention to what are we putting down the septic system, right? Like, are we using environmentally friendly products for cleaning for laundry detergent for you know, washing there's, there's so many options. GROVE collaborative also is a really wonderful company and everything that they provide are really environmentally safe and plastic free, in fact, cleaning and household resources. So I will put a link in the show notes, they are one of my favorite companies.

     

    Greg Koch  41:33  

    So one other thing I saw, I just learned about yesterday, Amazon platform has a filter that you can I haven't tried it, but someone showed it to me. Right now it's around climate change. Like if a company has set a Paris treaty aligned carbon reduction goal aligned with the 1.5 degree change. Some of your listeners will know what that is. It shows up. So if you're looking at products that you might buy from Amazon, there's a screen there that say, okay, which ones have set a goal of reducing their carbon emissions. And, you know, hopefully over time, other credible certification platforms or organizations would join that. And that way consumers can make an easier informed decision on something that that's not going to be as impactful to the environment.

     

    Carley Hauck  42:32  

    I love that. Yeah.

     

    Greg Koch  42:35  

    All right, well, let's go to microplastics. Boy,

     

    Carley Hauck  42:38  

    I feel like I want to get going from

     

    Greg Koch  42:40  

    bad to worse.

     

    Carley Hauck  42:42  

    Take it away from my class six. All right, there we go.

     

    Greg Koch  42:46  

    We'll talk about a personal evolution on the topic when most of my life, you know, I didn't Well, I don't like seeing litter on the side of the road, you know, wherever on the beach and waterways, just just, you know, out in the field or whatever. But I thought, you know, what harm is it doing? You know, it's just a can or a newspaper. It's just there. And then yes, you read about certain plastics that turtles might think as a jellyfish. And, you know, I just didn't really appreciate it was that big of an issue? It's wasteful. Aesthetically, it's displeasing. But is it really doing harm to the environment? Well, here comes micro plastics. And there's two categories of micro plastics. So they're defined as a piece of plastic that is of a certain size, and that's five nanometers, but it's tiny, tiny, tiny, the two most predominant sources of microplastics. One is intentional, and one is not intentional. Let's start with the intentional one. There's something called microbeads. And you find these microbeads in their tiny little balls of plastic, that are in makeup, are in exfoliating creams are in some toothpaste and are even in some, some foodstuffs. So these are manufactured microplastics that are put into a product, a human use product for some sort of functionality, right, it helps with exfoliation, or taste or texture of a food that you're you're eating whatever the case may be. So that's one and there are many examples of products that have microplastics in them. The other is probably what you're thinking of, it's just a piece of plastic, any kind of plastic that has been disposed that in the environment, particularly in the in the aquatic environment, and particularly in oceans, but it can happen on land it can happen in rivers and lakes. Oceans are just more energetic and dynamic. That those pieces of plastic take take a plastic bottle, soda or Water, whatever it is, it just gets broken down over time. You know, just like water action, breaks down rocks into boulders and then eventually into pebbles and then eventually into sand. So it's the same natural phenomenon that's breaking apart these pieces of plastic. And now, they're really tiny. And they currently are everywhere. You can find them in the Arctic, North Pole, you can find them in the Antarctic, you can find them on the peaks of mountain tops throughout the world. You find them in rivers, lakes, and in particular, they're all over the ocean. They're everywhere. What is the problem with that? The problem is, well, first of all, there's still a lot of science to be done. But what is already known is, you're probably eating them, maybe even inhaling them as you speak. And, and listen, because, as I said, they're so prevalent around the world, they're in everything. So you could just do the the mental thought experiment, say, Well, how can a microplastic and an ocean end up in my body? Well, if a fish or some species, even if it's one that you don't eat, but something you do eat, eat it, right in the food chain, they might mistake the plastic for food, or it just might be attached to something they normally eat. Like say that's a turtle that wants to eat some plant like kelp, or I'm not sure if they eat kelp, but it's got microplastics attached to it, they're just going to ingest it inadvertently. Or they actually think it's food that's usually with bigger pieces of plastic. So inside the body, it's not going to break down, it's going to take 100 to 1000 years for it to break down in your body or other people's body. It is already known to cause reproductive issues in aquatic species. What is the birds and amphibians, lizards, frogs, snakes are also exposed to it, anything that's closer to a water environment is probably going to be ingesting it. And that has problems just for biodiversity overall, but if you eat any of those, or rely on them to do something else for you, then they're being impacted. The human impacts are unknown. Certainly not pleasant to think that you have undigested plastic in your in your gut. But odds are you do. In fact, I would almost guarantee it. But no one's done the science to say, how much microplastic Can I ingest over a lifetime? That's a safe amount. Right? So there's the studies that are done on all kinds of chemicals that are aquatic, or in our case, human.

     

    Carley Hauck  47:57  

    And I also login another piece to this. And this is also, you know, kind of connecting to what can I do? Right? Yeah, to avoid microplastics. But based on hearing that we have, we all have plastic in our gut. But guess what else has plastic and it's got animals, right? Yeah, fish, because we're depositing so much of our plastic in the ocean, but it's also getting in the soil, it's getting in the water, it's getting in the air. And so Greg and I are both, you know, big plant based advocates, and you will actually have less plastic, if you're eating more fruits and vegetables, you know, a Whole Foods organic plant based diet, and that also will greatly mitigate the effects of climate change through less fossil fuels. And the more that we can actually eat vegetables versus things that are packaged, there will be less plastic, you know, we don't need I mean, it's great that we have beyond me, and we have all these really wonderful opportunities to get these products like just egg who happen, you know, just like Josh Tetrick happens to be a CEO that I have focused on in my book, Josh and I have had heart to hearts, he's like Harley, we wouldn't need to even create, you know, being placed or being sourced offering if people were just eating more beets and vegetables. So anyway, we can minimize our plastic consumption by eating more whole foods plant based and also just by choosing not to buy plastic as much as possible, even though we know it's everywhere.

     

    Greg Koch  49:45  

    I remember one time being in I used to travel a lot, particularly International. And I remember I think it was in Japan. And in the airport. They were selling bananas in a plastic bag, a sealed plastic bag and I looked Get that and I thought the banana has a rapper, rapper that protects that banana in the forest in the jungle for transportation, everything, but for some reason someone thought, let me put it in a plastic bag before I sell it. It has a nature provided bananas, its own packaging. But it's great. You say that. So what can you do? Again, educate yourself write your representative. But I like to think of what I can do about microplastic as the three C's consume less clean. All right. And don't change as often. All right. It's a it's a weak alliteration. I get

     

    Carley Hauck  50:44  

    that I love it. One more time.

     

    Greg Koch  50:47  

    Yeah, no, it's consume, clean and change. break those down for you. Now, I think that's a really weak alliteration. But so the first one you already said it's, you know, buy less things that have plastic in them, or are made of plastic. Right? Particularly. Yeah, particularly single use. Totally plastic. Right. So here, well, you can't see it. You can but your listeners can't. is a plastic water bottle that I got at REI. Rei. Yeah, go Rei. So it's made of plastic. All right, but I'll have this I've had this for 10 years, I'll have it for another 20. Right. And that's better than a one way bottle of water that I just drank. And now I've got to get rid of it. Right. So fortunately, increasingly, you see a lot more consumer goods particularly,

     

    Carley Hauck  51:46  

    and bring your own Tupperware to the restaurant. I went. So I currently live in San Diego right now. And I went to a place I tried to actually cook and eat the majority of my food from home, but sometimes I'm out and about, and I gotta eat dinner. So I stopped to get a salad. And I knew that I was not going to leave the whole salad. And I said, I don't want you to put it in a TO GO Box. Even though they had a compostable box. I brought my own Tupperware. And the woman behind the counter said, I love that you brought your own Tupperware, why aren't more people are doing that. And I was like, I know. But you just have to think about it and grab it. So bring your own plastic Tupperware. That's how you use it. And for those of you that have been listening, the podcast, you know that I had this experiment where I lived in Costa Rica for three months, and I tried to live as regeneratively as I possibly could. And I brought plastic everywhere. And I recycled even my little plastic baggies. Like I just I really did not want to bring more plastic into this country that does not want it or need it going back.

     

    Greg Koch  53:00  

    Consumers don't buy things or plastic. Certainly, well, if you can avoid it. One way plus

     

    Carley Hauck  53:08  

    another piece. This is a plug for the US airlines and international. They, in my opinion, are one of the biggest polluters of single use plastics, we do not need to be using plastics for everybody's water consumption. I've talked to the airline attendants, they hate giving out these plastic cups. So southwest, you know united, what are we doing? It's so easy, there is compostable plastic ware that we can be giving out to our patrons who are going to love the fact that you are being more environmentally responsible. For you, I don't know are the airlines any of Arabs clients? How do we get the airlines your clients?

     

    Greg Koch  53:55  

    I don't believe any of the airline's our clients. I know we've done some work for some of the airline manufacturers like Boeing and Airbus, but I don't know. But wow, talk about a captive audience and a captive waste stream, right? No one's gonna take any of that waste with them when they leave the plane. So it's entirely up to the airline what to serve, and what to serve it in and what to do with the waste that's left. It's only them right? Because people aren't going to bring their own meal. Most people are water and they're not going to leave their way or take their waste with them.

     

    Carley Hauck  54:30  

    So I do but I'm meticulous. Bring all my own food. I bring my water bottle and I just want to plug only 7% of what we think gets recycled actually is recycled. So the rest of it it's just going into a landfill and or the ocean.

     

    Greg Koch  54:46  

    That's the worst part. All right back to what can you do we talked about last

     

    Carley Hauck  54:53  

    and then we don't have a lot of time left Greg. So we'll have to move into PFA clothing.

     

    Greg Koch  54:58  

    Let me just do clothing. Yeah, go for it because most clothing has plastic in it. Yeah, nylon, you know all these synthetic fibers. So try not to buy the latest fashions all the time and throw out your other stuff. And believe it or not, because most clothing has plastic in it, your dryer, if you heat dry your clothes, like you wash your dryer at home, it's generating lots of microplastics that will get out into the airborne environment through your dryer vent. So think about that. Particularly with the, you know, the trend to buy all new outfits for every season because it's cheap, and you can have a new outfit and whatnot. But let's move on to P FOSS.

     

    Carley Hauck  55:43  

    And I'll just plug I know we're sharing a ton of information. But after this interview, I'm going to repeat the what can you do a summary for everybody before you so stay on till the very end of this interview because you're going to be reminded, okay, Greg, take it away. P FOSS.

     

    Greg Koch  56:02  

    P FOSS?

     

    Carley Hauck  56:03  

    What a fun name your pays

     

    Greg Koch  56:05  

    are P Foss, I think it's most commonly referred to as P FOSS. And sorry, my dogs are excited if you hear them in the background. Yeah. Well, it's funny, those dogs have beef. Awesome. And so do you, Carly? So do I, it's everywhere. You know, I talked about microplastics being everywhere. This stuff is really everywhere. I'm everywhere. So what they are is they're they're per and polyfluorinated substances, abbreviated as P FOSS. It's a chemical and manmade chemical. It's a poly or fluoro polymer for anyone who wants to try to understand that. But in the shownotes there'll be some links that explain you most commonly experience P FOSS in Teflon, scotchguard GoreTex. Those are probably the three most trade names that most people are. So stain resistance, water resistance, stick resistance, right? There's more industrial applications and firefighting foams, but because of Scotch cards a brand name, but what I mean to say is stain resistant coatings, which are everywhere. Teflon, everyone's frying pan, and cookwares coated with something nonstick. And then GoreTex is every bit of outdoor equipment. Those things are major sources of peat moss, and so they're everywhere. And because they've been used so ubiquitously. It's in the entire global population. So there was a famous study that one of the manufacturers of P FOSS did, where they, you know, said we're gonna do a random sampling, you know, I don't know 10,000 People and sample their blood and see if there's any P Foss, they stopped after 100 people, because 100% of the 100 people that pee FOSS in them. They're like, it's everywhere. It is everywhere. It's considered a forever chemical, meaning it takes 1000s of years to break down in a natural environment that it's in you you'll never get rid of. There's no way to get P FOSS out of your body. We believe that it has thyroid cause thyroid problems, cancer, reproductive issues, and liver does liver damage, but a lot of the science and that's not just in people that's in other living species, aquatic and terrestrial. And the science is still out of we know if you consumed a bunch of this, it would be detrimental probably deadly. But the tiny concentrations that we all have and are exposed to from our clothes or carpet, whatever our rain jacket. What does that look like? What are the long term health impacts over a lifetime that being exposed? We don't know. But in an abundance of caution regulators around the world in Europe, even in the United States and the Biden administration pointed out put out some recent new rules to say we've we've got to start limiting how much new pee FOSS gets into the environment into the product supply. And we start we have to start cleaning up some of the hotter spots of pee FOSS

     

    Carley Hauck  59:29  

    just to give a little bit more science. And this is all been found you know through the pf the P FOSS action act of 2021 which was designed to create a national drinking water standard for select P FOSS chemicals. And basically, the lawmakers shared that more than 320 military sites have P FOSS contamination and more than 200 million US residents could be drinking contaminated water now Want to cause cancer, reproductive and developmental issues and weakened immune systems? So there is, you know, this new legislature that it seems like it's being passed finally, through the EPA, because it's been stalled many times to remove three. And I believe there's 600, forever

     

    Greg Koch  1:00:17  

    600 versions of these.

     

    Carley Hauck  1:00:19  

    So why are we only reducing three,

     

    Greg Koch  1:00:23  

    three, go start somewhere. But I can tell you, you know, linking it back to my personal life, you know, the consultancy I worked for, there are places where we go and sample for this, to see, you know, if it's there, we know it's going to be there. But at what concentration, it's incredibly hard thinking about you're trying to sample for something that might be present in the parts per billion or even trillion, but you the person doing the sampling and doing the lab test, have P FOSS in you, it's in all the lab equipment, it's in the sample container, it's in the air, even just sampling for and trying to test it in the lab is very difficult because of how ubiquitous it is. And to be honest, that the three issues red tide microplastics and, and P Foss, this is the one that that worries me the most, not just the three that they're acting on now, but all 600 of them, and they are forever chemicals.

     

    Carley Hauck  1:01:18  

    And they're not just you know, local to the US. They're global, because they've gone out and all products all over the world. So what can we do? We can? Mice? Yeah, go ahead. Well, I was also gonna say, What are you cooking with y'all? You know, cooking with to get rid of that Teflon, you stainless steel or all clad is another

     

    Greg Koch  1:01:45  

    something. But I think the number one thing you can do after you sort of scrub your you know, is just be cautious about new products that come out. That sounds too good to be true. I mean, think about it, you know, think about stain resistance, you know, I could spill blueberries on this dress shirt that I have on right now. But because of the stain resistant, it comes right off. So be a little more cautious when a new product comes out, say, oh, it's got all this new function well, is it using a forever chemical? Does it have microbeads or microplastic in it and, you know, get educated about what you're bringing into your home into your body. As you work to try to eliminate the original sources of this Be careful not to buy a new one. Because it's the latest greatest thing. And it does things we I you know, stain resistance, waterproofing, stick resistance, these things make our life easier. But I would trade the convenience that those things offer for, for better health any day of the week.

     

    Carley Hauck  1:02:49  

    And make sure that you have really good filtered water, like some research on this reverse osmosis is the best to be able to really eliminate PFAs. You know, one of the things that I didn't share in this podcast, but it's also why I felt even more compelled to put more effort in my own life around water protection is when I was living in Costa Rica, Greg knows this. I unfortunately, got hit with parasites three times in three months. And this was due to I love Costa Rica. But if you're near the coast, they don't have great drinking water. And I have no idea what I was picking up. And it's not because I wasn't drinking filtered water, all my teachers, but I was I was eating local produce, because I was trying to stay away from having to cook everything and I didn't want to eat out. Yeah. And that local produce is being you know, grown and unhealthy water. And even though there's parasites and there's PFAs here in the States, I guess my body's like, I know that parasite. You're welcome here. But the parasites in subtropical climates in Costa Rica, my body was not happy. Took a little while to come back into healthy. So I believe that that was for me. And for me to then reach out to Greg and say, Hey, buddy, let's go we gotta talk more. Let's let's amplify our efforts to protect. This was wonderful. The other thing that I just wanted to leave as as resources is, Greg has written a fabulous book with his colleague will sarni I'm gonna leave a link in the show notes, which speaks to some of what we can do from a private and public sector. So even though Greg and I have been saying what can you do individually, this also comes down to what do we do in our business, right? Business has such an opportunity to be a force for good to really I change its operations so that it is aligned with the SDGs. And environmental responsibility and accountability for that matter. And then I'll just plug my own book, my own book shares another pathway, which is, how do we really cultivate that conscious motivation, as an individual to really lead, whether it's at work, whether it's in our communities, whether it's at home, and to see models of other people doing that, to know that, we have the opportunity, we have the responsibility to be the change, and there are going to be lots of resources for your education, for your activation that we will leave in the show notes, and I will come back, if you stay on just a few more minutes, I will summarize all the things that you can do. And, you know, maybe just pick one from each of these categories. And start small. And Greg, thank you, again, give our listeners with,

     

    Greg Koch  1:06:05  

    I think, not plugging my book, but the underlying premise of the book is about wellbeing. And the book starts off with an obvious realization of more, right, you hear politician, we want more jobs, you know, you're a business person, say we need more profit, more revenue, more volume, right? It's always more more more more and more across business, across government, even in our own lives. People want a bigger house, a nicer car, newer clothes, more jewelry, more, more, more. And in part microplastics, and nutrients and P FOSS are linked to a consumer society. And so the premise is, you know, instead of focusing so much on more, why don't we apply all that energy into well being?

     

    Carley Hauck  1:06:57  

    And less and simplicity. Yeah, I love it. Okay, thanks. This is so much fun. Yeah. It's so good to talk. Thank you again. Thank you. Thanks. All right. Keep keep rocking it, Greg,

     

    Greg Koch  1:07:14  

    you to have fun and have fun this weekend. I will. So have fun. You too. Take care.

     

    Carley Hauck  1:07:21  

    Bye. Well, I am humbled and inspired by that conversation. Greg, thank you so much for willing to noodle on this with me the past couple of weeks, as we, you know, co created what do we want to talk about? How is this going to be in service, for the flourishing of people and planning, and I'm just really delighted to have you in my life and this friendship that keeps deepening. For those of you that want to connect more with Greg, you know, he's doing some fabulous work with companies, and so is his consulting firm. So his LinkedIn handle is in the show notes. He also wrote a fabulous book. And I would encourage you to go there. As I prompted throughout the podcast, there were lots of action steps that Greg and I spoke about. And what I would encourage you to do is, you know, to pick one or two from each of these three sections, red tide, PFA, S and microplastics. So let me summarize a couple for you to really take some action on because we are all leaders, we all have the responsibility and the opportunity to lead and we have to take care of our home and that is planet Earth. If we do not take care of her, we will not flourish. our well being as you heard is being hugely negatively impacted. Because of our actions. We need to clean it up. We need to do better, we can do better. So I hope that these action steps inspire you. Share them with friends with colleagues with your kiddos, what can we do about red tide? Well, as we heard, the more we can mitigate warming of the planet, the better. So we try to abstain from fossil fuels. How do we do that? We don't drive as much you know, you don't have to go to the grocery store to go get that thing every day. Ride your bike more take mass transportation. And also, you know, be mindful of your heating and your cooling and just your energy consumption, limit or even eliminate home fertilizer use that even And, you know pertains to, if you're living in an HOA or you know a residential neighborhood are the landscapers using fertilizer like you have a voice This is what you pay for right? Figure out what are they using? Is there a way to have this be more regenerative pick up pet waste even on your lawn that actually makes a difference, as Greg mentioned, maintain your septic septic system. And really refrain from dumping any pollutants into sewers or storm drains or your laundry you know, so again, like there are so many environmentally friendly products for shampooing and laundry, to cleaning your pets to washing your hands that are biodegradable and healthy. Also see what you can do if you live near streams or water. How can you help clean up the water right so that there isn't trash or pollutants? It was kind of astonishing to me in 21 I was living outside of Asheville, North Carolina and the front prod wherever, which is one of the largest rivers throughout the Mississippi was quite polluted. And it just ran through town people would get really sick in the summer when they go swimming in it and I just think so Why are you swimming in an infected huge river? Why aren't we cleaning this up so we can enjoy it. And the same thing as you heard me talk about in Florida, which is please people that are living in Florida, please to help me get some new legislature so we have composting in Florida so that we have mandated solar on roofs that's going to help mitigate warming and red tide. Okay, I'll stop there. What about microplastics? What can we do about that? Well, it's intuitive, we use less plastics. Bring your own bag, there is no excuse for not having a cloth bag. Bring it when you travel. Bring your own water bottle when you travel when you go on the plane, refill it anything honestly that is transported in a plastic bottle that then has water in it that then you drink from at some point that plastic bottle is being transported in heat. When plastic gets hot. What happens? Well, chemicals from the plastic leach into the water which then you're drinking. So I don't believe that what is in your plastic bottle is cleaner than the tap water. So let's really try to bring our own bottle. There's a ton of incredible filters when you go to the airports now. And you just refill your bottle there. wash your clothes, less often. Air dry clothes, because that's going to mitigate microplastics you don't have to buy new clothes. I love going to consignment stores one that's going to lower fossil fuels because it takes less energy to have to create new clothing when you can actually just use great ones that are still in good shape that were probably way more expensive than what you can get for them now. And buy plastic free cosmetics if you're using cosmetics and don't microwave in plastic containers. We kind of already know that and then again, you can do you know litter cleanup. That's also going to help. What about PFS? PFS is harder because they're in everything. There's over 600 But filtered water is huge. And in doing my research reverse osmosis seems to be the best way to reduce them from your water. We also need to call our legislature or senators or Congress, you know, men, women people, why are we only limiting three when they're 600. And let's go a step further. I would love to encourage you to watch the movie dark water, which came out in 2019 Mark Ruffo and Anne Hathaway Oh yeah, some big stars are in this movie. And they basically exposed Dupont, there is a article in the shownotes where there is some evasion on actually paying the amount needed for all the people that got sick and the ongoing long term effects that they have caused not just the US the world, it's everywhere. And we also want to have less consumption of packaging because that is going to have one microplastics into it. PSAs so there are a lot of wonderful actions that you can get started on. But before we end, I wanted to leave you with a prompt. So let's just take a moment to just go inside, close the eyes. If you're driving, don't do that. And just feel your body. And when you think about this question, notice what arises, feelings sensations. And what do you feel inspired to do? What if you didn't have clean drinking water? What if you didn't have enough water to use for your every day? You know needs? There are a lot of people in the world that don't. How would that impact you?

     

    And what might you do to ensure that you protect it the water for yourself, for your neighbors for your community for life for animals for future generations? How could you live more simply how could you bring your attention towards living in a way that is regenerating? Not over consuming, not destroying.

     

    Water is becoming more scarce and quantity and quality. We can and should expect that there will be a reduction in precipitation due to changing climate. Drought, excessive withdrawals of groundwater from aquifers. Freshwater is diminishing. And we have a finite amount of water, which means we have to protect it. We are water protectors, you are a water protector.

     

    I invite you to take 30 minutes out of your week to reflect on how you want to be a water protector in your life. If you enjoy this episode, please give it a five star rating and share it with friends, colleagues and community who will benefit. Additionally, if you know of someone or you yourself work in the airline industry, I feel there's such a huge opportunity to remove single use plastics from the business operations and shift to compostable tableware. I have many contacts in this industry I'd be happy to connect you with. And I imagine Greg and his team at etrm would also be happy to help with this initiative. Additionally, if you are a frequent traveler, you have sway as a customer, businesses listen to what their customers want to need. And that may be the bigger push to operationalize. For more environmental responsibility around single use plastics. My LinkedIn information and Greg's are in the show notes feel free to reach out. Lastly, I love partnering with people leaders. And I use my skills in Human Centered Design and training and leadership and culture to assess the gaps so that you can create thriving, purpose driven companies where folks want to stay where you can have high trust psychological safety, people can bring their best selves to work and they belong. I am available for consulting and coming into a more internal role in these capacities with the right team and Company. Feel free to reach out to me on LinkedIn or book a free consultation with me so that we can figure out together how to move you towards your best opportunity to create a human centered workforce this year. We have incredible interviews and episodes coming out in the shine podcast, make sure that you're subscribed or go to lead from light.net. You don't miss a beat and until we meet again and thanks so much for listening be the light and shine the light



    Shine
    enApril 26, 2023

    65. The Transformative Power of Sabbaticals for Purpose and Meaning with David Hanrahan

    65. The Transformative Power of Sabbaticals for Purpose and Meaning with David Hanrahan

    This SHINE podcast interview is on the transformative power of sabbaticals for purpose and meaning with David Hanrahan. David and I speak about some very relevant topics for the future of conscious leadership and business, including his long and successful journey in people development, his own stand for well being and how his sabbatical last year helped him to come back with more engagement, more purpose, meaning in his work.

     

    Episode Links:

     

    The Transformative Power of Sabbaticals

    Sabbatical Project company database

    Sabbatical Sessions- MEA

    Deloitte Well Being Report

    David Hanrahan on LinkedIn

     

    SHINE Links:

     

    Thank you for listening. Want to build a high trust, innovative, and inclusive culture at work? Sign up for our newsletter and get the free handout and be alerted to more inspiring Shine episodes

     

    Building Trust Free Gift — leadfromlight.net

     

    Carley Links:

     

    Book Carley for Speaking — https://carleyhauck.com/speaking

    Leading from Wholeness Learning & Development — https://carleyhauck.com/learning-and-development

    Carley’s Book — https://carleyhauck.com/SHINEbook

    Executive Coaching with Carley — https://carleyhauck.com/executive-coaching

    Contact Carley — https://carleyhauck.com/contact

    Carley’s Patreon Page

    https://www.patreon.com/carleyhauck

     

    Well Being Resources:

     

    Inner Game Meditations — https://carleyhauck.com/meditations

    Doterra — https://www.doterra.com/US/en/site/carleyhauck

    Inner Game Leadership Assessment- https://tinyurl.com/igniteyourinnergame

     

    Social:

     

    LinkedIn — https://www.linkedin.com/in/carley-hauck/

    IG — https://www.instagram.com/carley.hauck/

    Website — https://www.carleyhauck.com

    Newsletter — https://carleyhauck.com/leadfromlight

    Shine Podcast Page — https://carleyhauck.com/podcast

     

    Shareables:

     

    “It’s just an incredibly fun challenge to unlock people's potential.” — David Hanrahan

     

    “For me, it was really surprising in terms of how much the sabbatical did re-energize me. It changed me.” — David Hanrahan

     

    “There is a growing call to change up how we think about the workweek, and your schedule, and how long should you work without taking a break?” — David Hanrahan

     

    “A sabbatical fundamentally changed my career trajectory. If I didn't have this experience, I probably would have been done with the work.” — David Hanrahan

     

    The Imperfect Shownotes

     

    0:01 Carley Hauck

    Hi, welcome to the SHINE podcast. My name is Carley Hauck. I'm your host, this is the fifth season of the SHINE podcast. I started the SHINE podcast as a way of doing research for my book on conscious leadership in business. And you will find interviews with scientists, researchers and business leaders on the intersection of conscious inclusive leadership, the recipe for high performing teams and awareness practices. My book debuted in 2021 Shine: Ignite Your Inner Game of Conscious Leadership and was voted one of the best books to read in 2022” by Mindful magazine.

     

    I facilitate two episodes a month of the SHINE podcast. And before I tell you about the topic for today, please go over to Apple podcasts or your favorite podcast carrier and hit the subscribe button so you don't miss any future episodes.

     

    The focus of this season is on the essentials for wellbeing. And that encompasses the intersection of our personal well being, the collective well being of our workplace, and how that fosters and nurtures the planet's well being, they are all connected.

     

    I focus on well being this season, because I really want to crack the code and inspire folks to prioritize their individual well being and therefore that will transcend into the collective and the planet's well being. And I have developed an inner game leadership assessment that I gave out to 100 different leaders last year. And the leadership assessment is based on the framework of the inner game, which is what we're cultivating on the inside to be conscious leaders, and it shows up on the outside when we cultivate certain qualities. And two of the nine leadership competencies that were lowest from the sample of 100 leaders were psychological and physical well being.

     

    Therefore, that is why we are focusing on well-being and if you're curious about where your strengths and gaps are around the qualities to become a conscious leader, you can take the assessment and find out your score for free. I recently opened to the assessment tool to the public and the link will be in the show notes. Now on to our episode.

     

    2:50 Carley Hauck

     

    This SHINE podcast interview is on the transformative power of sabbaticals for purpose and meaning with David Hanrahan.

     

    David and I speak about some very relevant topics for the future of conscious leadership and business, including his long and successful journey in people development, all the way to his current role now as Chief People Officer at Flare. David speaks openly about his own stand for well being and how his sabbatical last year helped him to come back with more engagement, more purpose, meaning and he'll share what he learned and how he's integrating that into his work life now. We speak about how we can redesign the workplace to prioritize well-being: everything from shorter workweeks, sabbaticals for every role, how to establish healthy boundaries, and then really listening to your people, and then committing to structures and strategies that benefit the whole. And lastly, David shares how he inspires trust. As we know, trust is essential to a thriving company and culture. You won't want to miss one minute. Thanks for listening.

     

    4:22 Carley Hauck

     

    Hello, everyone. Thanks for joining the SHINE podcast. I am here with a very special person, David Hanrahan. And David is going to be talking with us about so many incredible things that are really relevant to the future of work in our podcast interview today. David, thanks so much for being here.

     

    4:42 David Hanrahan

     

    Carley, thank you for having me.

     

    2:02 Carley Hauck

     

    Well, I want to just kick off our conversation with just sharing a little bit of history. For our listeners, you have worked for some incredible companies, Eventbrite, where you were Chief Human Resource Officer, you worked for Niantic, for Twitter, which was pre-Elon, Zendesk, Electronic Arts, and even Universal Pictures. And now you are at Flare, which I know you're going to share more about.

     

    But what is really unique about your journey is that you've really focused on people development. And I feel curious, why did you pick that? And why does that matter to you?

     

    5:25 David Hanrahan

     

    Yeah, you know, it's a puzzle, I think of many organizations, particularly tech companies, growth tech companies, there's kind of an arms race of hiring a lot of people, which for many of them, they've kind of gotten themselves, you know, in trouble more recently, and a lot of headlines are not good around having to lay people off.

     

    I think the challenge is not not about hiring a lot of people or how fast can you hire them? It's whoever you hire, how do you unlock their potential, you bring it, you bring people into the organization, we get excited about them, we assess them, this is the best engineer to do this one thing, this the best leader to do that one thing, and then they come in.

     

    And oftentimes organizations get in their own way of the potential of the people that they've hired. And there are these hidden barriers, these hidden stumbling blocks that basically make organizations fail at seizing the potential or unlocking the potential of the people that they've hired. And it's incredibly tricky. It's one way I think about it is typical engagement curve for people who come in, and engagement just, you know, they're sort of their sentiment of whether they're motivated, they want to stay they they're proud to work there. It goes up in the first six months, and then between six months to around three years, it just goes down. And then something interesting happens around three years where it starts to bend back upwards. But those first you know, kind of few years, you're basically losing people are losing their mojo, right. And so when your engagement is low, or it goes down, you're basically giving less, you're giving less your discretionary effort, you know, your desire to solve problems outside of your day to day scope, kind of erodes.

     

    And so why does it happen? How can we bend that curve? I think this is just an incredibly fun challenge to unlock people's potential. And these companies that you mentioned there one connective sort of thread for me joining those companies is that someone, someone there at the top, oftentimes the CEO, also was passionate about that, and we wouldn't be with you know, we would kind of sort of riff on that in the interview around this just being the challenge for us is we need to hire people. We need to hire the best, but then unlock their potential in order to really achieve our stated mission or strategy or what have you. So I just think of it as an incredibly fun puzzle.

     

    7:51 Carley Hauck

     

    Thank you. Yeah, I mean, I've focused my whole career on people development and serving people to be their best as well. So I'm with you. And I find human beings fascinating, right? There's just so many different parts and complexities. And I love that you used unlock, because again, like how do we really allow people to be their best, you know, at work, at home, and therefore, like, then companies can really be best for the world. And I feel like that's the responsibility and the opportunity right now. So thank you so much for sharing all of that.

     

    Well, you know, shortly after you and I met last year, you shared with me that you took a sabbatical. And I knew that I needed a sabbatical. So I am just coming off the heels of mine. And I would love it if you might share a little bit about that.

     

    But before I asked you that question, I'm keeping everybody kind of at the edge of their seats, knowing that's coming. You know, I wanted to just share some research around wellbeing and burnout. And I just feel like that is such, so much top of mind and such a top priority for people leaders. Because as you were talking about engagement, it's so hard to increase engagement when people are just on empty, right.

     

    And so, you know, I think that's just been rising since the pandemic. And therefore, we're seeing things that were always under the surface, and they're now showing up stronger and louder, such as, you know, systemic racism and mental health, lack of physical well being, all of these things. And part of the book that I wrote, which came out last year, I really emphasized well being and it's a very important leadership competency, because I feel like if we aren't focusing on the well being of ourselves, how do we focus on the collective well being of our people?

     

    And I wanted to just share some really amazing studies that I became aware of in the last week, and I thought that could be something you could respond to, but could then also segue into your own reason for sabbatical. How does that sound?

     

    10:15 David Hanrahan

     

    That sounds great.

     

    10:17 Carley Hauck

     

    Okay. So this statistic came from Deloitte’s Human Capital Trends study in 2020. And it found that even though 80% of executives said wellbeing was their top priority, 90% of workers felt like their life was getting worse. When I read that my heart just sank. Another one, researchers from Harvard Business Review found that employees who trust their employer experience 74% less stress, 40% less burnout, and employees with higher workplace belonging take 75% fewer sick days. I mean, that just makes a lot of sense. I come in all the time, and really assess where psychological safety is. And if you don't have psychological safety, you don't have trust. So those are really impressive statistics to really understand how we increase trust in our organization.

     

    And then a 2022 Deloitte study found that 57% of employees are considering quitting their job for one that supports their well being. And this was pretty interesting to also read an even higher share of executive sign 70% plan to quit for the same reason. So I mean, all of these statistics are just kind of showing loud and clear that well being has to be a priority as we build the new version of work. What do you think about all of that?

     

    11:45 David Hanrahan

     

    Yeah, these are really eye opening. And I want to try and zoom out as far as I can on these. Sure. I think about some of the timeframes of the study, so they're just their recent but the past few years, lots of change, lots of changes the past few years. So you know, obviously, pandemic, one, the changing sort of nature of work. I mean, I so if I think back 10 years ago, maybe 10-15 years ago, kind of dating myself, but I remember a day when I was working where I would leave my laptop at the office, where I didn't yet have a company provisioned phone.

    Where there was kind of a line there just seemed to be aligned. If someone called me on the weekend, like ooh, this is urgent, but I can, I can plug in and unplug much more easily.

     

    And so just fast forward just a few years and for many from many you know who find themselves in sort of the knowledge knowledge work or you know, you have a laptop, you're, you're in a salaried position, you're kind of always on, you're always on it, when you have company has people in different time zones, I get a ping a little ping in the middle of night, I see my phone light up, I have to do more to set boundaries now than it did in the past. I have to turn my phone off, I have to set the notifications, I have to set the you know, sort of do not do not disturb all those things.

     

    But for many people in the pandemic, it kind of caught up. And then really quickly, I remember just getting out of bed, you know, no longer going to the office, I would get out of bed, and I would open on my laptop, you know, and like I just started working. And, and that was a little bit of frog boiling in water where I didn't know, all these things were adding up as a change of like work was consuming. Yeah. And I think that's probably indicative for a lot of people where just work suddenly became your identity. This is who I am. I go to, you know, a dinner party. And like, the question is, where do you work? You know, that seems changed for me, in part because of where I moved.

     

    But, you know, I think, well, being a top priority and 90% feel their life is getting worse is a host of things, potentially also societal. So the rise of social media. I think as we're talking right now, there's a congressional hearing about banning Tiktok, you know, for various reasons, but I found myself having to get rid of all but one of my social networks, which is like, kept LinkedIn, you know, for job purposes. But, but so, you know, while work has changed a pandemic, and has happened, there's also been this change in information flow of, you know, the media, I think, knows that the information that causes a reaction from people, which is money, is to get you worried, or to get your anger angered about something, or to just to, you know, have a visceral reaction. So I had to click into the next thing I have to follow along, I have to log into the next day to see what's going on with this random thing that maybe years ago, I would have seen in a newspaper, but I can put it away. But now it's fed directly into my mind through this, you know, this phone, that's always, you know, always with me.

     

    And so there's a whole host of things going on there. That I think is the world and is life really getting worse, sure, in certain aspects. But I think we're also, we're incentivized to believe that as well, which then causes our mental health to suffer. That's just that's just one person talking. I'm not a psychologist, but like, that's, that's one thing. That's one perspective I put on it.

     

    And so it is also true at the same time, that for people who trust their employer, like the employer, as an institution, is, is one thing that is like an omnipresent part of my life, right? This is my employer is where I get my paycheck. And I saw a quote from a late comer leader not too long ago, who said, the job of a leader in tough times is to put more truth into the world. And so trust, also, according to someone I just listened to who assess high performing teams said trust and mission orientation, for him and his research were two factors of high performing teams. And so it actually took to trust your employer, to trust your employer. Obviously, this research right here shows that I'm less stressful. So if I can increase that, as an employer, I'm thinking of that as like, that's my path to helping unlock their potential.

     

    According to this one leader I talked to, trust is a factor of three things, which is competence, benevolence, and integrity, which is really interesting. And then so and then the last thing here is I'm just kind of meandering here to address sort of some random reactions to those three bullets.

     

    The idea that people now are quitting, you know, they're quitting, in order to find something that is better for their well being, I think also probably represents a little bit of a shift. And potentially not for every age group for not every demographic, potentially a little bit of a shift in terms of what's important for people now in life.

     

    16:39 Carley Hauck

     

    Yeah.

     

    16:41 David Hanrahan

     

    And, and so that's even true for executives, as well. But I think there has been that shift as well, which is that money is always going to be important. But I think people are seeing after, you know, a global pandemic and seeing this, this information flow of negative news is that they gotta they gotta make sure they're living a full life.

     

    17:10 Carley Hauck

     

    If you don’t have your health it doesn't matter how much money you have, right? If you don't have time for your loved ones for your family, right?

     

    17:18 David Hanrahan

     

    100% percent. So yeah, this I'm nodding my head furiously as I read those posts, because they all make sense to me.

     

    17:23 Carley Hauck

     

    Yeah. Well, thank you for weighing in on all of that. And, you know, one thing that I remember too, which has been true is that even though folks are working less from the office, and they're not commuting, they're working two and a half hours more every week, I don't think it's every day. I can't recall the amount but you know that without healthy boundaries will create more burnout, right?

     

    So as you spoke, how are we creating and designing for our well being? So let's shift to your sabbatical. Tell me more about that, and what you learned from that and how you're now implementing, I'm sure as best you can, as you've stepped into this big role, what you learned?

     

    18:11 David Hanrahan

     

    Yeah, I know, I will say that. I've been familiar with sabbaticals for many years. And when I was at EA, we had a sabbatical program, it was kind of, it was kind of mocked a little bit, it was kind of viewed as a sort of like, a gimmick or sort of like, you know, people take your sabbatical, and I quit. So it was like, Is this valuable? Is it creating any value? And then just over the years, I've also just been aware that many, many tech companies, they sort of, they consider adopting a sabbatical as something to set themselves apart.

     

    And so going into my sabbatical, I kind of was pessimistic, frankly, around, what like, what could happen for me honestly about it. So the context for me, is that my last company, we wound up just trying to pull off this major transformation, which is, without going into too much detail. I was joining it thinking it was going to be a growth mode, global pandemic, shutting down live events basically put us on this sort of white knuckle adventure for a couple of years of trying to change this company, fundamentally changing it changing the business model, and then changing the culture too, because we were a company that was very, very much in-office oriented.

     

    And then we shifted to work from anywhere, we shifted so many things across the business and the culture, that at the end of it, I just, I just sort of looked in the mirror, and I realized I was spent by just, you know, whether I wasn't ready for this, the amount of energy suck, you know, during the global pandemic and, and the role of the Chief People Officer through that role specifically at this company for me, in this transformation, not alone, what wasn't the only Chief People Officer only one at my company who had this feeling, but I remember just sort of coming to the conclusion that like I'm, you know, I don't have any more fuel in the tank to do this work. Not necessarily this company, any company, just this work, I just didn't have the fuel in the tank. And I didn't have an opinion that like I was done with the work of HR people function, I didn't have that opinion. I just knew I just didn't have it in me anymore at that moment, time.

     

    So I talked to my boss, and I said, Listen, I'm gonna go, I'm gonna hand the baton over. And it did that in a very orderly fashion. And then I didn't really have a plan, I just said, I think I'm gonna go mountain biking. That's all that's the one thing I knew I'm, maybe I'm gonna take a class. And there, you know, there it was driving, you know, south to Moab with a minivan in a rented mountain bike. And then suddenly seeing like, overlooking the Grand Canyon in the Colorado River, and just not thinking about people work.

     

    So now I'll fast forward to like, what did this actually do? For me, it was really surprising in terms of how much it did re-energize me, it changed me. And I can only say that just from my current job, I feel like I've started over my career just in terms of the energy I have for it. And just like, you know, energy comes out through discretionary effort. I'm just constantly thinking of ideas and like constantly pushing. And yeah, it was, I once kind of mocked or just thought very little of the value of a sabbatical. And for me, maybe not for everyone, but for me, it fundamentally changed my career trajectory in terms of like, if I didn't have this experience, I probably wouldn't be done with the work. But the sabbatical kind of saved me in a sense of like, stepping back into this work, which I love.

     

    21:40 Carley Hauck

     

    Wonderful. Well, we need people, leaders like you, David. So I'm glad you're back. And, you know, I also think it's so important that when we have that awareness that we're empty, you know, we don't we don't have to give that we take that time to speak up to share, you know, whether it's a long sabbatical, or it's, you know, something just happened in my personal life, and I need time for it. And, you know, being able to really lean on your co-workers, your team, you know, feeling like you can share that with your leader and that they've got your back. I mean, that all creates more trust and the ability to know that I can stay at this company and actually just bring my whole self which is sometimes exhausted.

     

    22:28 David Hanrahan

     

    Yeah. 100%.

     

    22:30 Carley Hauck

     

    And it's not a sign of weakness, right. I think I think it should be more a sign of strength of being able to actually acknowledge that and then, you know, find ways to to be there for

    other people when they're experiencing that too.

     

    Sabbaticals, or something that I became really familiar with, actually, in 2020, because I was supporting Clif Bar, I had the great privilege of supporting them, it was initially going to be an in person, inclusive communications training for their whole company. And then oh, the pandemic happens. So then we were creating and designing something virtually, which they had never done.

     

    And I learned about their really strong sabbatical program every seven years. But I thought, Wow, that's a long time. What if we implemented a sabbatical every year? What if every role got that? What do you think about designing a company to incorporate sabbaticals?

     

    23:32 David Hanrahan

     

    Well, you know, one way to think about that is really just a fundamental change of call it the 40 Hour Workweek, the nine to five, just just rethinking, where does my productivity come from?

    And there has been a lot of research around, particularly in knowledge work, when people are at their most productive.

     

    And the big TLDR there is, it's really not anything to do with the nine to 5, 40 Hour Workweek, meaning your moments of productivity, where I have this fun log where I am cranking through something, I am solving a big problem I'm create creating this, like, you know, this, this sort of enterprise value for the company, right? It's in tech, they call them the 10x engineer is a sort of like a euphemism. But it's, you know, it's really just like people have these moments where they're like, they're in the zone, call it right.

     

    And so there's research on this, which, which basically found that you know, that in some cases, the nine to five, forty hour work week gets in the way of it. So when people work less surprisingly, if they work less, or they have less meetings, if you take your pick of all these things that get in the way of your productivity, it's about protecting your time. And so having these moments where I can actually be in the zone, and going back to sabbaticals. More recently, there's been published research around the four day work week. And what they found is like benefits from it.

     

    And just coming to this podcast, I was just reading a post from I think his name is Nick Blum. I think he's a Stanford professor. But he basically posted a big critique that said, like the research that this third party did around the 40 hour workweek has all these flaws in it. And so he's critiquing it.

     

    But so where was that related sabbatical? I think that there is this, I think there's like this growing call to like to change up how we think about the workweek, and your schedule, and like, how long should I work without taking a break? And where, where is the company going to get the value out of its people from? And so the four day workweek is one example of someone trying to say, like, Hey, we should rethink this, we should rethink the things called the 40 hour workweek is 100 years old, it came from the Ford Motor plant in the 1920s hasn't been, you know, reimagined since we have all this growing research that people can actually be a lot more productive. So when I think about the future of allowing sabbaticals have enrolled more frequently.

     

    I think, if we can, if we can perfect the research for the company, I bet you, it would be a no brainer. I bet you if we find a way to get people positioned so that they're there, they can be in a zone, they have less meetings, like as an engineer and engineering is a lot of meetings, it’s not not coding. So how do we sort of get data? How do we get practices that allow people to unlock their potential in a protected way? And then we give them the time back that allows them to recharge and come back with that energy and come back have the energy to do it again. I think the sabbatical would be a no brainer.

     

    And I think that there's something there's around research and data that for a company would make it a no brainer. And right now, as an example of the four day workweek, it's not landing well. The research is not landing well for the people in charge. It's really only landing well for very brave use, smaller companies. But I think, imagine this at scale where a big fang company saw this, they would be all over it, they'd be doing it because they would see that, wow, this is creating this like enterprise value for us because we're getting the most out of our people and they're coming back recharged. So I like it. I think there's a research component to it.

     

    27:16 Carley Hauck

     

    Yeah, so in the research that I did for my book, I was studying a lot of different countries as well that were working, you know, different hours than the US and they were showcasing more happiness and more productivity. I believe Denmark is 28 hours a week. They're they're doing amazing things. France was 35, I spent a month in France. You know, as I was writing the book,

    I was like, Okay, how are they living and working? You know, seize the day. And what, there was a study, I believe it came out in 2019. It might have been, I think it was 2019 pre-pandemic with Microsoft, it was their Japan office where they had folks work for days. And they saw a pretty large increase. And I wrote that in the book, but I don't have it in front of me. So. But yes, I mean, I agree, I think more and more research needs to happen. And that will continue.

     

    So, David, what are you taking away other than it's great to go mountain biking in Moab and you know, being unplugged? What are you taking away from some of your learnings of, I believe it was nine months, right that you had a sabbatical? That's incredible. What are you bringing in now that you've stepped into this newer, Chief People Officer role at Flare? How is that informing your leadership?

     

    28:40 David Hanrahan

     

    I'm gonna steal one, I was having a coffee with a colleague who also did a sabbatical, a shorter one. But she went to South America for a few weeks, and then came back to her company. And she had a realization, and I am like, I didn't realize it. But I had this same thing, same effects for me, which is, you gotta be really sort of like, slowly step into the day. So in the COVID pandemic, as I mentioned earlier, I would just open up my laptop, I just immediately start, and you don't feel it in the moment you don't feel when you're doing it right then that it's kind of slowly eating away at you. But it does build up over time.

     

    And I, like she said, you know, what, if she came back, she's like, I'm just gonna, I'm just not going to start my day until I've had my coffee. And I like I, like, watch the news, or I go for a walk, or I just like, the, the organization is not gonna like, like, own me that way. And it's really, it's self imposed. So it's like, it's not as if they're actually doing it, but it's self imposed.

     

    And I definitely had that realization as well, that ever since the sabbatical, I wake up and like, you're faced with like life, like, there's a, there's like, there's a wind going on outside, there's, there's a little bit of like, like, rain on the grass, there's, something's changed in the neighborhood, I'm gonna go inspect that and like, and so don't make work. Like the very first thing when you wake up, don't make your day solely about work, you know, otherwise, you're not going to do the job at work.

     

    And so yeah, I start my day. Now, in the pandemic, I was starting my day, like 630 in the morning, and now I started like 930, or 10. So the big change.

     

    30:20 Carley Hauck

     

    That's great, thank you for sharing that. And I'm 100% with you, you know, I I like to exercise and do my spiritual practice and meditate, all those things, because it gets me in the most centered, upbeat place before I open an email before I see the news before anything, because then I have the ability to respond. And I love that you said wind because that's really what it feels like. It's like there's all these things that could be keeping us down this path, which could create reactivity, right.

     

    But we don't want to lead from reactivity, we want to lead from wisdom and responsiveness. And you had mentioned even before that, folks that felt they could trust their employers experience less stress. Well, based on my being a neuroscience nerd, I know that if we perceive stress, our first reaction is fear. Because that's the first emotion that's elicited. So again, that fear response is going to be reactive, versus the opposite of fear, which is love. So how do we approach this with more care, with more grace with more love, and I just, I really think that that is the way that we inspire that we create, you know, more of the culture that everybody wants to really work in and stay in. So that could be another whole conversation. Thank you for sharing that.

     

    Well, I'm gonna put a little plug actually for, for Modern Elder Academy, because I know that Chip Conley, who's a friend of mine, has been doing these sabbatical sessions and I might just plant a seed here, Chip, I think we need you to do some research on sabbaticals folks come in, to to MEA and to really see how that's benefiting them when they go back into life. So there it is.

     

    But can you tell me and our listeners a little bit about what the difference is between a Chief Human Resources Officer, which I believe was your role and title at Eventbrite and the difference between that and Chief People Officer and I'm aware that depending on the company, it's going to look different, but yeah, please break that down.

     

    32:50 David Hanrahan

     

    I'm going to answer it only half serious, which is at Eventbrite. I couldn't be the CPO because they already had a CPO, they had a Chief Product Officer and it was going to be confusing. And, we don't have a CPO at Flare. So I get to be the CPO.

     

    But um, that, you know, I think it's the same thing. I think the term human resources has kind of gone through a branding change over the years, like it used to be called the personnel department. And then someone said, maybe it's the HR, it's the human resources department. And then someone more recently said, you know, that kind of sounds robotic and cold humans as resources that doesn't, you know, it's people or some or some might call it, you know, employee experience. We call that the Briteling experience at Eventbrite.

     

    So I think there's, there's this kind of a brand or a sentiment behind the term that for the company, maybe tries to denote some sort of, you know, egalitarian or progressive view on the work itself.

     

    But one thing, you know, what is the CHR? What is the CPO? I think of three things that no matter the title that you're trying to do, and it's a Venn diagram, and it's a bit like, it's almost like three plates, you're spinning in the air. But the three things that make up a really good Chief People Officer, let's just say, are strategy, execution, and relationships. Now, you might say, well, that applies to the CFO or applies other roles to that, that's, that's possible. But I think about it as there's some really good Chief People Officers out there who are just good at strategy. So they have the ideas and like they have, like, Wow, you're really versed in best practices, like you've got all these really good ideas, but can you execute on them. And so you also have to be able to execute some good, some Chief People Officers out there are only good at execution, but they don't have the strategy, or they don't have the relationships necessary to build strategy. These things are kind of interdependent.

     

    And then finally, you might have a Chief People Officer who's the relationship person, everyone loves working with them, they’re so much fun, they're just like, they're the culture warrior at this company. And like we love, they're in that role, because people love working with them. But they don't have any ideas. And they're not known for really good execution.

     

    And so the trick is to be really good, you have to do all three. And sometimes sometimes you enter at a mode where I can't talk about strategy right now, people, I have to build trust, to build trust, and to build trust, I really need to execute, I really need to show that we're competent, and I have integrity, and that people can trust, you know. And so, you know, to do one of them, you sometimes have to start in one direction that kind of works the way the others. But um, so that's my answer to that question, which is like, what, what kind of common for both the CHR and CPO is having to do those three things.

     

    35:33 Carley Hauck

     

    Thank you. So as you are, you know, stepping into this new role with Flare. First, I'd love if you could share with our listeners, what's the vision and the mission of Flare? And how are you designing the foundation so that it incorporates well being so that it incorporates, you know, trust you know, strong leadership, all of those things? I mean, well, those are two really big questions. So we'll go back to the first one, what is the vision and mission of Flare? And why did you feel inspired to join it?

     

    36:10 David Hanrahan

     

    Yeah, that's a great question. So I'll talk about the mission. First, the mission is to enable strength and clarity through key life moments. And so what that means is, if you've ever gone through a life event, and so what I mean by that is, you know, these big things that happen sometimes in people's lives, no fault of their own, but they're going through a custody situation, or they need to get guardianship or conservatorship of their elderly parents who can no longer take care of themselves, which was which was my case last summer, or they have a divorce going on, or their there's an immigration or a tax or an employment matter, people who've been let go recently in the news for layoffs, like that's a tough, it's a tough moment that like no fault of my own this happening to me, I need help, I need something.

     

    And oftentimes that help is in the form of a lawyer. So last summer, my brother and I were facing the fact that we needed to become guardians for an elderly family member who was no longer able to take care of themselves. And we knew that we had to get a lawyer and so we started working with a lawyer. And the long short of it is, like a lot of people it's not a good experience. And sometimes you pay all this money for someone who you think is going to help you and it actually feels worse, frankly, there's no communication. There's like it's low tech, it's like we're FedExing documents and we're I got to sign like literally sign you can't DocuSign and stuff and it's it's opaque. Like what's happening next. Are you doing any work here? Are you are you talking to the court or what have you.

     

    And so Flare is trying to change that. So Flare is building products for law firms to be able to receive and manage cases directly through technology and creating a higher NPS, a higher a better experience through tech, and is also trying to create a way for people who need support in these life moments to find the right lawyer for them. So Flare is a tech company, and the consumer experience is called Marble. That's where you might find Marble or now Kindred, these are law firms. These are new law firms, it's a new way of doing law.

     

    And so for me, my well being is in many ways, it's really aligned to that mission back to that mission orientation aspect of high performing teams, I feel really good because I'm in a company that's doing something important. That's one big ingredient of my well being. I'm spending time I'm not sort of regretting all this time and spending doing this one thing and for creating the next, you know, next best taco delivery service, or whatever it's like this is this is, this is important.

     

    Now, like how we're actually trying to cultivate well, being in the company is very iterative. I think we're in a learning mode. So we actually have quite a bit of travel that goes on, we as a company have some younger populations. And so what we believe is the younger population, they actually do want to be in the office. That's what we see: they want to actually be together as I'm as I'm a brand new SDR. I want to learn by actually having a conversation with you live, like show that, show me this, show this to me.

     

    And so we're seeing for that population, that's it that's just exited school, they don't want to be alone. Many of them, they don't want to just be stuck at their home, they want to be in an office, different from some leaders who are traveling and they're like me, I'm working. I'm, I'm used to this. This is kind of my mode.

     

    39:37 Carley Hauck

     

    You’ve got young kiddos. So it makes it easier, right? Yeah, just different stages.

     

    39:40 David Hanrahan

     

    That's right. So we're documenting this, we're documenting this as a sort of like the how and why and what and that of our work, and trying to iterate on it as much as possible and trying to measure it. So I would say for us the wellbeing journey, we're still very nascent. And it's really, it's a learning mode.

     

    39:58 Carley Hauck

     

    Yeah. And I'm sure there's a lot of listening, right, like, what do people want? And then making sure that whatever you've heard, you're creating some commitment to some accountability to implement so that then they trust you, right? Oh, well, well, they really care. And they are listening to what I say I want to what I don't want.

     

    40:20 David Hanrahan

     

    100%. Yes, yes, well said.

     

    40:25 Carley Hauck

     

    Great. well, in some of our conversations offline, I know that leadership development is something that you feel passionate about, and that you think really needs to be prioritized for this future of work.

     

    And, yeah, as you know, I've written a book on conscious leadership and business, and really focus on certain leadership competencies, I know that you've read SHINE, my book. And I, I feel really curious, out of some of the inner game qualities that I've highlighted in my book, and there might be others that you feel are also essential. What do you think are some of your strengths? And what do you think other people leaders should be embodying to inspire a trusting organization, so that kind of had two parts?

     

    What are some of the qualities that you feel are some strengths of yours, these inner game qualities and just to share with our audience, you know, some of those are self awareness, empathy, self management, self belonging, which is, you know, self compassion, acceptance, forgiveness towards self. So all of the inner game is what we're cultivating on the inside, that then determines how we show up on the outside as a conscious inclusive leader.

     

    41:49 David Hanrahan

     

    Yeah, that whatever I'm about to say, in terms of what I think are my strengths, whoever's listening to this, who knows me is probably going to do a big, huge eye roll. But let me let me sort of like be as as humble as possible, when that sort of like, you know, that relates to your book, that I'm gonna sort of cite a piece of research. One thing I've tried to do, as I've grown in my career, I've tried as much as possible to really have self awareness.

     

    And you know, there's an author's name is Travis Bradbury, and he cited some research that says, as you ascend an organization, EQ goes down. So literally, if you if you take people's titles as like manager, director, VP, C, whatever, that as they ascend their EQ, actually

    It goes down. And EQ and self awareness are somewhat related. But, nonetheless, the highest performing leaders at each of those levels were the few who had that high level of EQ.

     

    So, the highest performing CEOs or see whatever, actually have high EQ, compared to the rest is the research. And so it's a dwindling resource as you grow. And so I tried to get better at that and just knowing how I'm coming across knowing my energy knowing like out my, my sort of whatever I'm imparting in a room, am I speaking over someone, am I sort of dominating the room is my emotion that, you know, kind of changing the sway.

     

    And I've also seen leaders who like totally unbeknownst to them, something that they just did completely change the tenor of the meeting, or change the direction of something because they reacted to something in a way where they didn't even know they didn't even know that their reaction actually just killed some idea, like, like on the spot. And they then later on said, Well, what's happened with this one thing? And I said, Oh, well, we, you know, we heard that you didn't like it, like what do you mean, like, What are you talking about? And so it's amazing what that does, as you grow your sphere of influence and self awareness.

     

    I think one thing I need to get better at over time, which is really hard, is empathy. And back to that research of high performing teams and benevolence. So one thing that both of those first two self awareness and empathy were core to the leadership development program that we built at Eventbrite. So we talked about sort of, you know, sort of putting your own air mask on first. And that when you're starting to get to know your team, we had a question called, how are you really doing the idea of like one on ones, oftentimes, we just have this pleasantry of like, Hey, how's it going? How's your week? Yeah, it was good, whatever, and we move on. But like people who actually have something interesting going on, it could be tough. It could be like there's something that's going to be over or overbearing in this conversation, something's happening in this conversation that I might not even be aware of, because it's something that's going on with them right now. And I, if I really, really want to know how they're doing, I'll have empathy. And that empathy does something special in terms of building trust, and changing the relationship between us in terms of my willingness to go the extra mile for you as my manager?

     

    45:08 Carley Hauck

     

    Oh, well, thank you for sharing that. So self awareness is a strength and empathy is something that you feel like you can learn more of, well, this might be refreshing to hear this is just some of the research that I've been doing on both of these, but I, I break down, the inner game of emotional intelligence, as self awareness, and self management are the inner game. So those are the things that we are cultivating on the inside, and they kind of, you know, run in tandem, the more self aware you are, the more self management you're able to possess.

     

    But then that creates the outer game. And the outer game are the other two aspects of emotional intelligence. Because there's, there's four factors of it, which is social awareness, social sensitivity, we could think of which is a precursor for psychological safety, and then relationship mastery. And those are the outer game. So when you have more self awareness, more self management, that increases your social awareness, thus, empathy, and your relationship management. So I would say, you know, you're getting close, David, you're focusing on the inner game, which is only going to increase the outer game. So thank you for that humility.

     

    And just in our last minute or two, gosh, I could talk to you all day. But what do you think is, are important qualities for other leaders to really, you know, possess? And even maybe more specifically, when you think about the leadership development that you're investing in at Flare? What are the qualities you want the leaders to possess at Flare, which is specific to that vision and mission and culture?

     

    46:50 David Hanrahan

     

    Yeah, when I think about a leader, and so whatever their title is, but they're leading, they're leading something, it's my job, I need to lead something. I think you you want to be able to inspire people to you know, kind of give a little bit more of themselves to sort of like, be sort of like accountable for themselves to you know, treat each other well, like there's, it's the yearn for the sea quote, if you're familiar with that one, which is, you know, if I want to teach someone, I want to go and teach your people how to build a boat, I'm not going to have them put all the sticks and logs together, I'm going to teach them to yearn for the sea.

     

    And so the storytelling so we're talking I think we're talking before the call about sort of strategy and storytelling, and you as a manager, I start to move from management to leadership. When I'm moving from just assigning goals of like, you got to do this and you got to just moving from goals to there's a strategy behind this, there's a story of like, why this is important.

     

    And if I just get that as an employee, if I get the strategy, I can kind of do the goals myself, I can kind of figure out what I need to do, I can be empowered, if I just know that strategy, the stories of storytelling, I think is really important for leaders to go from vision to now there's a strategy or story here. And now I don't need I don't need to do as much of the goal setting because my team is empowered, they're activated to understand what we're trying to accomplish, they can come to me and tell me, what are the goals? What are the things I should sign up for this quarter, and I can, I can kind of help them curate it, which is different than being didactic. And just like my job is to sign up all of you for all these goals.

     

    48:30 Carley Hauck

     

    Thank you. And so what I'm imagining is a precursor of a quality for strategy is being curious, staying open. And so I think of that as you know, growth mindset. And as you're, everyone's listening to me, I'm super curious. So I'm asking David a gazillion questions.

     

    And I have even more, but this was so wonderful. I think that you've really shared a lot here that is going to be helpful for a lot of people leaders and Flare is really lucky to have you. So David, thank you.

     

    48:58 David Hanrahan

     

    Thank you, Carley.

     

    49:00 Carley Hauck

     

    And is there anything else you'd like to leave our listeners and you know, this very short 30 seconds?

     

    49:02 David Hanrahan

     

    Oh, no, reach out to me on LinkedIn. That's my one social network is the only place you'll find me. So. But no, it's been a pleasure. Thank you.

     

    49:15 Carley Hauck

     

    David, thank you so much for your time sharing your wisdom and your experience with us here on the SHINE podcast. I learned so much and deeply enjoy our heartfelt conversations.

    I went back to look up the exact statistic of what Microsoft Japan found when they experimented with a four day workweek in 2019. I wrote about this in my book, and there's actually a lot around various well being research in my book in chapter five, around different countries that are doing it right, we could say, there are I'm sure still iterating and we're all trying to figure out what the recipe is.

     

    But Microsoft Japan found there was a 40% increase in productivity with a four day work week. They also found that it lowered carbon emissions because folks were not going into the office one more day a week. And people over all reported greater health and well being into the long term. So I would say that's still pretty much a win win.

     

    And David and I were speaking about how we need more research on sabbaticals and the benefit of sabbaticals for non academic positions. You know, for everybody, right? And I actually have a podcast episode coming up in this season, where we're going to speak more to that.

     

    And so far, I wanted to share a little bit of what I found through the Academy of Management. They found that people who take sabbaticals uniformly returned to work feeling more affirmed in their own voice, with confidence and a renewed sense of purpose. You can hear that was David's experience.

     

    Personally, my sabbatical just ended. And initially, it was six weeks of just being completely unplugged. And you'll hear me continue to share some of my learnings over the course of this season and some solo episodes. But I was essentially gone for almost three months living and then living and working in Costa Rica. And in many ways, it was a bit like a quest, a quest of recovery of practice, and an exploration of what it really looked like to live in a more regenerative way. And to do that in community and what were the communities doing in Costa Rica that were supposedly more intentional, or focused on sustainability and regeneration, I'll have more to share with you in an upcoming solo interview.

     

    I am so excited about what we can create in the future of work. And I am really excited to find my next professional opportunity, bringing all the gifts and talents that I have to a senior people leader role. I am making a pivot from my business and leading from wholeness to joining a larger team and purpose driven organization where I can have more impact, to really influence the greatest good.

     

    I'm having some wonderful conversations with folks exploring that right opportunity. But it's all about the network. And I want to make a bold ask that if you're a senior people leader and you would like support in creating a learning culture, a thriving workplace that has the foundation of well being and psychological safety and trust, then I am your person. I would love to get to know you. Or if you know of someone that's hiring, please let me know. Send me an intro. You can reach out to me. My email is carley@carleyhauck.com or find me on LinkedIn. I am so excited for this new opportunity and I so appreciate your support.

     

    If you enjoyed this episode, please share it with friends, family or colleagues. We are in this together and sharing is caring. And if you go to the link, leadfromlight.net you will receive a free gift on how to create a high trust culture and you'll also be alerted to new podcasts. I will only come into your inbox twice a month. Thank you.

     

    And until we meet again, be the light and shine the light.

     

    Shine
    enMarch 29, 2023
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