111 - DATING - Understanding The Healthy Male, The Alpha Male + The Scared Little Boy Ft. Zack Alexander

Podcast Summary

• Exploring the intersection of food and mental health for men: Kroger caters to men's mealtime needs while addressing mental health concerns, underscoring the importance of holistic well-being

  Kroger offers an extensive selection of over 30,000 delicious options for mealtime inspiration, along with everyday low prices and additional savings through digital coupons and fuel points. Meanwhile, mental health is a significant concern for men, who are three to four times more likely to commit suicide than women. Men's coach turned spiritual teacher Zach Alexander, a guest on The Open House Podcast, emphasizes that many men, regardless of their external successes, struggle with feelings of emptiness and inadequacy. Society's expectations and societal structures do not facilitate men's emotional healing. These insights highlight the importance of addressing both the physical (food) and emotional (mental health) needs of individuals, making every shopping trip to Kroger and every therapy session a worthwhile investment.

• Understanding the Alpha Male's Wounds: The alpha male archetype, while harmful to some, is rooted in deep wounds. We should aim to understand these wounds rather than further punishing alpha males, and explore healthy ways to heal them.

  The alpha male archetype, while it can be harmful to women and has caused hurt in today's society, it's important to remember that men who embody this behavior are often deeply wounded themselves. The discussion should not be about further punishing the alpha male, but rather understanding the underlying wounds driving these traits. The speakers, both men and women, have been affected by the alpha male and have healed their own wounds, leading to a shift in perspective and even sympathy for these men. The media and societal programming contribute to men's wiring towards conquest, but the lack of healthy male role models exacerbates the issue. This conversation aims to explore the complexities of the alpha male and the wounds that drive these behaviors, and potentially offer guidance and support for healing.

• Societal expectations and emotions in relationships: Men may seek validation through multiple partners, fearing vulnerability and shame, while women may feel undervalued by avoidance of intimacy. Healthier relationships come from facing and processing emotions.

  Men are often socialized to avoid vulnerability and face uncomfortable emotions by seeking validation through multiple sexual partners, rather than deep, intimate relationships. This behavior is rooted in societal expectations that equate masculinity with productivity and wealth, and the fear of being seen as weak or shameful when confronting emotions. Women, on the other hand, are often judged differently and may feel undervalued when partners avoid intimacy or commitment. Ultimately, both genders can benefit from learning to face and process their emotions, rather than running from them, in order to build healthier, more fulfilling relationships.

• Understanding Men's Emotional Avoidance: Men's emotional avoidance can stem from societal expectations and nervous system responses, manifesting as the 'alpha male' persona. Recognizing this dynamic and learning to express emotions without judgment or shame is essential for healthy relationships.

  Men's tendency to avoid emotional depth and vulnerability can be a result of their nervous system response to perceived threats, which may stem from societal expectations of masculinity. This can manifest as the "alpha male" persona, which while having positive traits like assertiveness, leadership, and discipline, can also be used as a mask to hide emotional avoidance. It's crucial for both men and women to recognize this dynamic and for men to learn how to access their emotional world without judgment or shame, while women learn to hold space for their partners' emotional expression without shaming or judging. Ultimately, the goal is to strike a balance between emotional depth and emotional regulation for a healthy and authentic relationship.

• Historical societal norms and expectations leading to suppression of emotions in men: Encouraging men to explore and express emotions safely can lead to healthier relationships, better communication, stronger partnerships, and improved mental health.

  The suppression of emotions in men, rooted in historical societal norms and expectations, can lead to toxic behaviors and unhealthy relationships. Men have been socialized to suppress their emotions, often encouraged by the media and family dynamics, leading to higher rates of depression, addiction, and unhealthy emotional expression in adulthood. To create healthier relationships, it's essential to create new societal paradigms that encourage men to explore and express their emotions safely, without fear of judgment or loss of strength. This balance between emotional expression and emotional control is what women desire in a partner. By allowing men to experience a range of emotions, we can help them become better communicators, stronger partners, and healthier individuals.

• Healing generational trauma with men: Men can heal from trauma through intimacy, therapy, or male friendships. It's important to distinguish between vulnerability and therapy and create safe spaces for healing.

  Generational healing is a crucial aspect of personal growth and trauma recovery, and it's essential for men to come together and support each other in this process. Men can heal with partners, therapists, or other men, but it's important to distinguish between intimacy and therapy. Men holding space for one another while maintaining a sense of leadership and structure is vital, as women or feminine partners cannot provide all of that. Men need to learn to express difficult emotions with each other without fear of judgment, and therapy, coaching, and male friendships can all play a role in this healing journey. Personal experiences of trauma dumping or being the dumping ground can teach us the importance of setting healthy boundaries and recognizing the difference between vulnerability and therapy. Ultimately, men need to create safe spaces for each other to heal, grow, and break free from the generational trauma that can be passed down.

• Men need support from other men for emotional growth: Men benefit from forming connections with other men for emotional healing and growth, leading to improved relationships and overall well-being.

  Men's emotional growth and healing often require the support of other men. It's not healthy or sustainable for partners to be the sole source of emotional validation and therapy. Men need to be seen and understood by other men to truly step into their healthy masculine energy and overcome abandonment wounds and other insecurities. This process can lead to significant improvements in all areas of life, not just intimate relationships. It's essential to help men understand that this work is not about being overly emotional or becoming a "flow boy," but rather learning to understand and manage emotions in a healthy way, as men have done for thousands of years. By embracing vulnerability and forming meaningful connections with other men, men can break free from patterns of avoidance and create deeper, more authentic relationships.

• Healing old wounds for healthier coping mechanisms: By addressing past experiences of invalidated emotions and establishing safety within ourselves, we can foster healthier coping mechanisms and a deeper understanding of ourselves.

  Emotions and coping mechanisms, whether old or new, can indicate the need for self-care and boundary setting. Unhealthy coping mechanisms, such as addiction, can stem from a lack of safety and self-worth. These patterns often develop in response to past experiences where emotions were invalidated or suppressed. To break free from these cycles, it's essential to revisit and heal these old wounds, allowing us to establish safety within ourselves and recognize our inherent worth. This process can lead to healthier coping mechanisms and a more authentic connection with our internal world. Addiction, in its essence, is a manifestation of seeking external validation to soothe internal insecurities. By addressing the root causes of these patterns, we can foster a deeper understanding of ourselves and cultivate a healthier relationship with our emotions.

• Traumas, big or small, can shape our lives: Even seemingly insignificant experiences can impact our emotional wellbeing, and everyone deserves to explore their emotions and heal.

  Traumas, big or small, can significantly shape our lives and development, often leading to unaddressed emotional issues. Many men may avoid therapy due to the belief that they haven't experienced enough trauma to warrant it. However, even seemingly insignificant experiences can impact our sense of self and emotional wellbeing. The pressure to conform to societal expectations, such as having a certain body type or career, can also contribute to feelings of emptiness and dissatisfaction. Embracing vulnerability and being true to oneself can lead to the most profound experiences of love, intimacy, and self-discovery. Ultimately, everyone deserves to explore their emotions and heal, regardless of the magnitude of their past experiences.

• Healing internal wounds for authentic relationships: Men and women must recognize, address, and heal their own emotional needs to build authentic relationships, regardless of societal or ancestral challenges.

  Developing authentic and transparent relationships requires us to learn how to access and feel safe within our own internal world. This process involves recognizing and addressing the parts of ourselves that need healing, regardless of gender. Society and ancestral paradigms can make it challenging for men to tend to their emotional needs, but it's essential for them to rely on themselves, utilize therapy, and learn to lean on others for support. Women also need to reflect on their own motivations for attracting certain types of partners and heal their own wounds. Ultimately, both men and women must do their own work to build the partnerships and connections they truly desire.