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    18. "He's the man & he should pay. We can't go on like this any more"

    enNovember 16, 2021

    Podcast Summary

    • Money beliefs and values in relationshipsEffective communication and understanding are crucial in managing money and maintaining healthy relationships, as shown by a couple's experience with differing money beliefs and values.

      Money beliefs and values can greatly impact relationships. In the podcast, Ramit Sethi shares his experience hosting events and introducing "The Journal" to help individuals design their ideal lives. He also discusses a couple, Monique and Pablo, who have different views on money and have faced challenges in their relationship due to these differences. Despite developing a newfound respect for each other's perspectives, they encounter a disagreement over financial responsibilities during a planned trip to Mexico City. This situation highlights the importance of open communication and understanding in navigating financial dynamics within relationships. Overall, the podcast emphasizes the significance of self-reflection, empathy, and effective communication in managing money and maintaining healthy relationships.

    • Financial compatibility and respect in relationshipsCouples need open conversations and fair solutions for financial expectations to ensure long-term happiness and respect in relationships

      Financial compatibility and respect in a relationship are crucial for both parties to feel happy and content. Monique and Pablo's age difference and different financial backgrounds led to disagreements over financial contributions in their relationship. Monique was uncomfortable with Pablo's proposal of a 50-50 split despite their income disparities. Her past experiences with power imbalances in relationships due to financial disparities worried her. The fact that Pablo's parents introduced them did not alleviate her concerns. Ultimately, the lack of financial equality and respect in their relationship raised questions about its long-term viability. It's essential for couples to have open and honest conversations about their financial expectations and work towards a solution that feels fair and respectful to both parties.

    • Communicating openly about financial concerns in relationshipsHonest and vulnerable conversations about financial fears and desires can lead to a stronger, more compatible relationship. Understanding that equal actions don't always mean equal feelings and impact, and committing to ongoing communication and growth, can help couples navigate potential challenges and build a more fulfilling partnership.

      Open and authentic communication about financial concerns and feelings can lead to a more compatible and loving relationship. Pablo and Monique discuss the importance of acknowledging and addressing each other's fears and concerns, rather than dismissing them. They also emphasize the importance of understanding that equal actions do not always equate to equal feelings or impact. By having vulnerable conversations and being honest about their financial worries and desires, they can work together to build a stronger and more authentic relationship. Additionally, they acknowledge the importance of ongoing communication and growth in the relationship, as well as the potential for change and evolution over time. Ultimately, their willingness to have open and honest conversations about their financial fears and desires can help them navigate potential challenges and build a more fulfilling and compatible partnership.

    • Effective communication and trying new experiencesEffective communication is crucial for accommodating each other's needs and finding common ground. Prioritize expressing yourself and try new experiences to enrich your relationships and personal growth.

      Effective communication is key in any relationship. In the discussion between Monique and Pablo, it became clear that their financial differences were not the only issue at hand. Pablo's reluctance to express his feelings and desires led to misunderstandings and resentment. Monique, who is more vocal about her own wants and needs, felt that Pablo thought everything was about her. Pablo, a people pleaser, prioritized keeping the peace over expressing his own struggles. This repression led to bitterness and resentment. Effective communication is essential for accommodating each other's needs and finding common ground. Monique expressed her desire for Pablo to be more vocal about his thoughts and feelings, and Pablo acknowledged that he needs to prioritize expressing himself over pleasing others. Additionally, the discussion touched on the importance of trying new experiences and exploring the world. Monique shared her positive experiences with Viator, a platform for booking travel activities, and encouraged listeners to try new things and create memorable experiences. In essence, the conversation highlighted the importance of open communication, prioritizing each other's needs, and trying new experiences to enrich our lives.

    • Understanding Different Sides of OurselvesRecognize and accept different aspects of personality, practice empathy, communicate openly, and prioritize self-care

      Everyone has different aspects of their personality, and it's essential to recognize and understand them. In the discussion, Pablo identified two sides of himself: Pablo, who is confident and secure, and Antonio, who is insecure and resentful. By acknowledging the existence of Antonio, Pablo can work on suppressing his negative emotions rather than trying to eliminate them entirely. Additionally, the conversation highlighted the importance of empathy and understanding in relationships. Monique, who is empathetic, could have easily paid for the soup, but Pablo chose to hold onto his pride instead. The experience showed Pablo the importance of communicating openly and honestly in relationships. Lastly, the conversation touched upon the importance of self-care and taking care of oneself, as represented by the pre-measured and perfectly brewed Peak tea.

    • Exploring the importance of self-awareness, confidence, and positive reinforcementRecognizing and naming internal struggles can lead to self-awareness and growth. Embracing confidence and self-worth, as well as expressing appreciation to others, can foster positive relationships and personal growth.

      Focusing on improving the good aspects of life, such as relationships and personal growth, can be more fulfilling than constantly dwelling on negative aspects like money. During a conversation, Pablo recognized his internal struggle between his confident, enjoyable self (Pablo) and his more insecure, money-focused self (Antonio). By acknowledging and naming these voices, Pablo was able to internalize the importance of confidence and self-worth. Monique, during the same conversation, complemented Pablo, highlighting the power of expressing appreciation and admiration to one's partner. The concept of going back to a powerful version of oneself was also emphasized, encouraging individuals to embrace their strengths and let them shine. Overall, the conversation demonstrated the importance of self-awareness, self-confidence, and the power of positive reinforcement.

    • Effective time management and communication are essential for healthy relationshipsClear communication and partnership are crucial for avoiding misunderstandings and building stronger relationships. Use productivity tools like Superhuman for time-saving email management.

      Effective time management and communication are crucial in maintaining a healthy relationship. The use of productivity tools like Superhuman can save significant time, but it's essential to remember that partnerships require open and honest communication. In the discussed scenario, one partner's surprise purchase and lack of consultation led to frustration and confusion. It's important to remember that fairness and equality in shared experiences go beyond just monetary value. Instead, it's about mutual understanding, respect, and collaboration. In the end, miscommunication and unexpected expenses can lead to misunderstandings and unhappiness. By prioritizing clear communication and partnership, we can avoid these pitfalls and build stronger, more fulfilling relationships. As for the productivity tool mentioned, Superhuman is an email software that offers features like keyboard shortcuts, AI summarization, and drafting emails, making email management more efficient and time-saving. It's a paid service that the speaker personally uses and recommends to save over 10 hours a week. For a free trial, listeners can visit superhuman.com/ramit.

    • Understanding each other's feelings and perspectivesEffective communication requires acknowledging each other's feelings and perspectives, but old habits can resurface, emphasizing the importance of ongoing effort to maintain understanding and empathy in relationships.

      Effective communication and understanding are key components of a healthy relationship, but even when progress is made, old habits can still resurface. In the discussion, Pablo and Monique expressed the importance of acknowledging each other's feelings and perspectives. However, they both admitted to struggling with this in their relationship. Monique shared her discomfort with Pablo buying her a ticket and then requiring her to pay for other expenses, feeling it was transactional and not an invitation. Pablo acknowledged her perspective and thanked her for explaining how she felt. Monique, in turn, acknowledged Pablo's efforts to understand her perspective but felt he should not have expected her to pay for additional expenses. The conversation highlighted the importance of recognizing each other's efforts and the need for both individuals to put in effort to improve their communication and understanding. Despite their progress, they acknowledged the challenges they face in maintaining these improvements consistently. Overall, the conversation underscored the importance of empathy, understanding, and acknowledgment in relationships, as well as the ongoing effort required to maintain these qualities.

    • Effective communication and compromise are key to resolving money conflictsFocusing on joy and positivity in money conversations can help improve financial situations and relationships

      Effective communication and compromise are essential for resolving conflicts, especially when it comes to discussions about money. The conversation between Pablo and Monique in Mexico City illustrates the negative emotions and lack of joy that can result when individuals focus on getting their way rather than finding common ground. When it comes to money, many people have negative associations and scarcity mindsets, which can make it difficult to have productive conversations or work towards financial goals. However, it's possible to shift this dynamic by finding ways to bring joy and positivity to discussions about money. For example, by focusing on innovative ways to save money and pass those savings along to consumers, companies like Mint Mobile can help individuals reduce their expenses and free up resources for other priorities. Ultimately, by approaching money with a more positive and abundant mindset, individuals can improve their financial situations and strengthen their relationships.

    • Learning a new language enhances travel experiencesStart your language learning journey with Babbel in 3 weeks, split expenses fairly during travel, and enjoy the shared experiences of exploring new cultures

      Learning a new language can significantly enhance your travel experiences. Babbel, an online language learning platform, offers quick and effective lessons to help you get started in as little as 3 weeks. Imagine going to Mexico, Italy, or Thailand and being able to ask for the bathroom or say thank you in the local language. This fall, you can start your language learning journey with Babbel using the special offer for IWT listeners at babbel.com/remit. Another important takeaway from the conversation is the value of fairness in sharing expenses during a trip. The speakers discussed a hypothetical trip to Mexico City and agreed to split the costs proportionally based on their income. They emphasized the importance of open communication and coming to a mutually agreed-upon solution. Additionally, the speakers highlighted the joy and excitement of exploring a new place together and the benefits of experiencing new cultures and activities. Overall, the conversation emphasized the importance of language learning, fairness, and the shared experiences that come from traveling.

    • Beliefs about Money and Expectations in RelationshipsBeing honest about our money beliefs and expectations fosters open and respectful communication, leading to healthier and more equitable financial relationships.

      Our beliefs about money and expectations in relationships can significantly impact how we approach financial decisions and communicate with our partners. In this conversation between Pablo and Monique, we heard two contrasting perspectives on who should pay for an upcoming trip. Monique believed that the man should pay due to traditional gender roles and financial disparities, while Pablo felt that they should split the costs equally. Their beliefs were shaped by past experiences and societal norms. However, the conversation revealed that Monique's belief made her feel weak and passive, while Pablo's perspective empowered him and showed his willingness to contribute. The key takeaway is the importance of being honest with ourselves and our partners about our money beliefs and expectations. By acknowledging and articulating these beliefs, we can foster open and respectful communication, leading to healthier and more equitable financial relationships. Furthermore, it's essential to remember that financial decisions in relationships are not just about numbers; they're about feelings, experiences, and respect. Ultimately, the goal should be to create a sense of fairness and excitement for both parties, ensuring that everyone feels valued and respected in the financial aspects of their relationship.

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    Most of us would like something about ourselves or our lives to be different, but how easy is it to actually change?

    Drs Chris and Xand van Tulleken are looking at whether people can change and how they do it. Exactly how much of any aspect of personality is genetic destiny and how much are we shaped by the world around us?

    Chris wants to be a better doctor, friend, husband and father. But most urgently he wants to be a better brother, and is determined to improve his relationship with Xand. They’re best friends and talk to each other every day, but they are also business partners who find it very hard to work together without having a visceral row.

    Chris wants to change how he relates to his brother and believes it is possible, but Xand is less convinced that we can or that he needs to change. In this series, Chris confronts that pessimism.

    In episode 5 - Learning To Listen - Chris considers the triggers for his many arguments with Xand and wonders if it might be because he’s not being a good listener. The psychotherapist Erene Hadjiioannou offers Chris some advice on how to react in the heat of an argument. Xand meanwhile is cocooned in his pottery shed contemplating Chris’ complete disinterest in his hobby. He wonders why everyone else in the family shows some enthusiasm, except his twin.

    Presented by Drs Chris and Xand van Tulleken Produced by Hester Cant and Alexandra Quinn Series Editor: Jo Rowntree A Loftus Media and Van Tulleken Brothers Ltd production for BBC Radio 4

    153. “We’re married. Why do I have to ask him for money?”

    153. “We’re married. Why do I have to ask him for money?”
    Allison is 36 and Dan, 37. They’re married with two kids living in a HCOL mountain town—a market variable that’s influenced them to sell her condo and supercharge their retirement investments with the profits. The condo is listed for sale, but Dan doesn’t trust her enough to combine their finances. This episode is brought to you by: Fabric by Gerber Life | Protect your family today with Fabric by Gerber Life. Apply today in just 10 minutes at https://meetfabric.com/ramit. Mint Mobile | To get your new wireless plan for just $15 a month, go to https://mintmobile.com/ramit. Tim Ferriss | Check out The Tim Ferriss Show on all podcast platforms and sign up for his FREE 5-Bullet Friday Newsletter at https://tim.blog. Masterclass | For unlimited access to every class and 15% off an annual membership, go to https://masterclass.com/ramit. Babbel | For our listeners only, get 60% off your Babbel subscription at https://Babbel.com/ramit. Links mentioned in this episode • Ramit Sethi on The Tim Ferriss Show Connect with Ramit • Get the Podcast Newsletter and exclusive Q&A about the show • Get Money Coaching with Ramit  • Download the Conscious Spending Plan • Listen to my book—now on Audible • Get my New York Times best-selling book • Get my no-numbers journal • Other episodes • Instagram • Twitter • YouTube • Submit a question for the newsletter iwt.com/askramit  If you and your partner have a money issue and you want my help, I occasionally select a couple to work with, free of charge. Apply for my help here. Produced by Crate Media.