Podcast Summary
Aligning actions with deepest desires: Asking 'what do you want to want?' helps align actions with deepest desires and values, promoting a more intentional and fulfilling life.
Actively designing our direction in life by identifying what we truly want to want is crucial for avoiding a life of regret. Kyle Eschenroeder's blog post "What do you want to want?" emphasizes this concept, which can be particularly relevant during times of change or introspection. By asking ourselves this question, we can better align our actions with our deepest desires and values, rather than being carried along by societal norms or default patterns. Emerson's quote, "my life is for itself and not a spectacle," highlights the importance of focusing on our personal growth and goals, rather than living our lives for external validation. This introspective process can lead to a more fulfilling and intentional life.
Default desires vs. true desires: Societal pressures and mimetic tendencies can lead us to pursue desires that don't align with who we are, causing dissatisfaction. Regularly reassessing our desires and trusting ourselves can lead to personal growth and a more fulfilling life.
Our default desires, influenced by societal pressures and mimetic tendencies, can lead us away from our true desires and cause dissatisfaction in life. Proust's quote from "Swan's Way" highlights this danger, as we can waste years pursuing desires that don't truly align with who we are. To avoid this, it's essential to reassess our desires and trust ourselves to follow our authentic wants. This can lead to significant personal growth and a more fulfilling life. Additionally, societal pressures and genetic predispositions can make it challenging to change our desires, making it crucial to examine them regularly. The freedom we have in modern society, with its abundance and surplus, presents an opportunity to choose our desires and shape our paths, but it's essential to be aware of the mimetic tendencies that can lead us astray.
Considering what we truly want in life: Reflect on fundamental desires for long-term fulfillment, avoiding 'cheap dopamine' hits, and shaping desires for a more purposeful life.
It's essential to reflect on what we truly want to want in life, as it forms the foundation for our behaviors and decisions. This idea, as discussed with Greg McKeown and inspired by Confucius, is about fundamental programming that can lead to significant improvements in our lives. While it's not an easy process, asking this question and engaging with the ideas can lead to beneficial outcomes. Moreover, we can agree on certain things that we should want, such as self-reliance and nourishing desires in the long run. Conversely, we should avoid wanting "cheap dopamine" hits, which provide short-term pleasure but can ultimately harm us. By dedicating ourselves to considering what we truly want and shaping those desires, we can lead more fulfilling and purposeful lives.
Examining our desires to avoid unfulfilling extremes: Consider desires that lead to growth and fulfillment instead of those driven by primal urges. Focus on making a positive impact, striving for a frugal heart, and embracing struggle.
It's important to examine our desires and consider where they fall on a spectrum between those that lead to human flourishing and those that are driven by our most primal urges. By identifying desires that, when taken to their extreme, would lead to an unfulfilled life, we can make conscious choices to align our actions with our highest goals. For example, instead of desiring fame, we can focus on making a positive impact, or instead of pursuing extreme wealth, we can strive for a frugal heart. Similarly, wanting an easy life may seem appealing, but embracing struggle can lead to growth and fulfillment. By asking ourselves what we shouldn't want to want, we can make progress towards living a more intentional and meaningful life.
Embrace the Struggle: Opportunities for Growth: Struggle and discomfort can lead to growth, better health outcomes, and increased meaning and purpose in life
Struggle and discomfort are not necessarily negative experiences, but rather opportunities for growth and positive physical and mental responses. Research shows that those who retire early have shorter lifespans, and embracing challenges instead of avoiding them can lead to better health outcomes. Our perception of stressors plays a significant role in how our bodies respond to them. By reframing discomfort as a signal of progress and something to be embraced, we can unlock healthier, more resilient responses. Trauma survivors and individuals who have faced significant challenges in life often report greater meaning and purpose as a result. Even beloved memories from work projects or personal endeavors often stem from the most challenging moments. Embrace the struggle and discover the hidden benefits it brings.
Desiring an easy life and fame can hinder personal growth: Focus on meaningful work and making a positive impact for lasting happiness, rather than seeking ease or fame
Both desiring an easy life and seeking fame can hinder personal growth and happiness. Struggle and meaningful work, on the other hand, can lead to a more fulfilling life. Struggle doesn't have to be self-inflicted or unnecessary, but rather, it's about how we respond to the challenges that already exist. Fame, while valuable, can be addicting and put our happiness in the hands of others. Instead, focusing on making a positive impact can lead to a solid foundation for any fame achieved and a lasting sense of happiness. Ultimately, it's essential to prioritize meaning and growth over ease and attention.
The Dangers of Seeking Identity and Happiness through External Validation: Fame is fleeting and based on superficial factors, building a foundation on something one loves and creates leads to a more stable and fulfilling life.
Relying on external validation, such as fame, for a sense of identity and happiness can be dangerous. As the speaker shared his experience on a reality TV show, Love Island, he noted that people don't win based on their talents or merits, but rather on superficial factors. The fleeting nature of fame can leave individuals with nothing when it's taken away. Instead, building a foundation on something one loves to do and creates can lead to a more stable and fulfilling life. The speaker also mentioned that some people on the show have struggled to integrate their post-fame life with their previous one, as they were motivated by the desire to be famous for the sake of being famous rather than for their accomplishments.
Focus on doing something you love and care about deeply: Find joy and fulfillment in the activity itself, avoid basing self-worth on fame or others' opinions, and use marketing as a tool to support meaningful work.
It's essential to focus on doing something we love and care about deeply, rather than seeking fame or attention for its own sake. The joy and fulfillment we find in the activity itself are more robust and long-lasting than the fleeting nature of fame. In creative work, for instance, the best work may not always be the most popular, and the pursuit of fame can lead to frustration and misunderstanding. Instead, we should find meaning and purpose in what we do, and use marketing or attention-seeking activities as tools to support it. Money, or extreme wealth, can also be seen as an abstract version of happiness when we lack deeper connections in our lives. It's crucial to avoid basing our self-worth on other people's opinions and to be intentional about our motivations. By focusing on doing something we love, rather than trying to be somebody, we'll find greater happiness and resilience.
Money as a tool for a fulfilling life: Instead of obsessing over extreme wealth, strive for a frugal heart to enjoy life's simple pleasures and find freedom through lower expenses.
Money should be seen as a tool to enable a fulfilling life, rather than an end goal to be obsessed over. Tim O'Reilly's metaphor of money as gasoline on a road trip highlights this perspective. Instead of an obsession with extreme wealth, we should strive for a frugal heart that allows us to enjoy the little things in life and find freedom through lowering our personal burn rate. As Morgan Housel puts it, wealth is the Ferrari we didn't buy and the square footage in the house we didn't purchase. The frugal heart, the desire for simplicity, and the appreciation for the ordinary all go hand in hand in leading a rich and meaningful life. The lockdown experience has shown many of us the joy of paying close attention to the small things, and we can carry this mindset forward to live more intentionally and happily.
Appreciating the simple joys in life: The pandemic has led many to value experiences over possessions and find joy in the ordinary, but it's important to find balance and appreciate both.
The pandemic has led many people to appreciate the simple joys in life and find beauty in the ordinary, such as observing a leaf or enjoying a quiet walk. This shift towards frugality and mindfulness is a response to the reduction in novelty and the genetic spending set points we inherit from our upbringing. The frugal heart, which values experiences over material possessions, can lead to greater happiness and contentment, while the desire to be extraordinary can also bring joy, but often requires more resources and effort. Ultimately, it's about finding balance and appreciating the value of the everyday experiences that often go unnoticed.
The dangers of seeking the extraordinary: Embrace individuality, respect self and others, and avoid the pitfalls of an unhealthy obsession with the extraordinary.
The pursuit of extraordinary and special can create an unhealthy relationship with ourselves and others. This obsession can lead to a disrespect for the ordinary experiences of life and the value of those around us. Instead, it's important to respect and trust ourselves, embracing our unique experiences and struggles to live a beautiful, authentic life. This doesn't mean accepting mediocrity, but rather finding and amplifying our individual interests and passions. By starting from a foundation of respect for our own lives, we can create a stable and meaningful existence.
Embrace yourself to grow: Accepting ourselves as we are is crucial for personal growth. Focusing on long-term goals and nourishing practices can help us avoid a hedonic treadmill and live a fulfilling life.
Respecting and embracing who we are now, even with our struggles and imperfections, is essential for personal growth. Carl Rogers' quote, "the curious paradox is that when I accept myself as I am, then I can change," highlights this idea. Often, we may feel dissatisfied with our accomplishments due to an inner desire for more, creating a hedonic treadmill for self-worth. This mindset can limit our vision and potential for growth. To avoid living a life we might regret, it's crucial to ask ourselves what we truly want and focus on nourishing, long-term goals. The author's perspective has evolved since writing the article, and they now emphasize the importance of embracing nourishing practices for sustainable change.
Discovering true desires: Embrace authenticity: Embrace authenticity, practice shadow work, and recognize the value in the ordinary to uncover true desires, leading to a more fulfilling life.
Exploring and discovering our true desires is an essential part of personal growth. This process involves accepting ourselves as we are while also acknowledging and working on hidden or rejected desires. Shadow work, such as identifying traits we dislike in others and finding less obvious wants, can help uncover these hidden desires. Societal norms or inconvenience may cause us to repress our true desires, leading to less nourishing substitutes. By embracing our authentic desires, we can live more fulfilling and wholesome lives. Additionally, recognizing the value in the ordinary and accepting our current desires can lead to subtle yet meaningful shifts. The lowest level of stimulus can help us focus on the ordinary and appreciate it, while also reminding us not to shame ourselves for seemingly insignificant wants. Ultimately, the journey to discovering our true desires is a continuous one, and it's important to be open and curious in the process.
Rediscovering suppressed desires leads to personal growth: Embrace unwanted desires, learn from past experiences, and reflect on childhood activities to uncover hidden passions, leading to personal growth and potential success.
Embracing our authentic desires and truths, even the seemingly inconvenient or unwanted ones, can lead to personal growth and the discovery of passions. The speaker shares his own journey of rediscovering suppressed desires, such as empathy and intellectual curiosity, and how they led him to create a successful podcast. He emphasizes the importance of introspection and learning from past experiences, particularly those from childhood. The advent of mindful content and influential figures during a specific period in his life also played a significant role in his transformation. Additionally, the speaker suggests tactics like recognizing the value of those we dislike as mirrors, paying attention to quiet desires, and reflecting on childhood activities to help uncover hidden passions.
Reflect on childhood joys and surround yourself with supportive communities: Reflect on childhood joys to identify true desires, join communities that foster growth, and surround yourself with positive influences to align desires with goals.
To make ourselves want the right things, we should reflect on our childhood joys and consider the communities we surround ourselves with. Communities, such as CrossFit for fitness enthusiasts or book clubs for intellectual growth, can significantly influence our desires. A supportive partner and a desirable workplace culture are also essential. Regular reflection through journaling and internal scorecards can help us stay focused on our goals and push through challenging times. Ultimately, we are the average of the people we spend the most time with, so it's crucial to surround ourselves with individuals who embody the person we aspire to be. Podcasts can also serve as a low-friction way to connect with new people and expand our horizons. By focusing on these areas, we can effectively align our desires with our goals and live more fulfilling lives.
Stay true to your own goals and values: Focus on personal desires and values, use setbacks as opportunities to pursue them, and maintain resilience by staying true to your path.
Focusing on your own goals and values, rather than comparing yourself to others or external standards, is the key to resilience and living a fulfilling life. The speaker emphasizes the importance of having a clear sense of what you truly want, even during challenging times, and staying true to that path. He uses the example of a friend who remains unflappable despite setbacks, inspiring those around him with his focus on his own journey. The speaker encourages listeners to ask themselves what they truly want and use difficult times as an opportunity to pursue it. He also emphasizes the significance of this introspection in relation to one's legacy. The speaker, Kyle Eshin, can be found on Twitter and has plans to write more content. He encourages anyone with questions or ideas to reach out to him. The fundamental concepts discussed in this podcast have the power to move the needle in one's life by addressing the underlying reasons for being and the implications for action in the world.
