#228 - Daniel Sloss - The Biggest Lessons From 2020

Even successful people like comedian Daniel Sloss have struggled during the pandemic. Despite his unparalleled success in the past few years, the global crisis brought him to a standstill, leading him to start therapy, meditate, and deal with depression and ego depletion. However, Daniel sees this challenging period as a necessary step for his long-term well-being. During our in-person podcast, he shared his experiences and lessons learned, offering reassurance and valuable insights for those going through similar challenges. As Daniel puts it, the pandemic has given him a chance to relearn skills and perform for smaller audiences with newfound experience and wisdom. This experience has been a rollercoaster, but he's grateful for the lessons and the opportunity to connect with his fans on a more intimate level.

For the past decade, Daniel Sloss derived a significant amount of his confidence, self-worth, and identity from the love and approval of his audience. However, when the pandemic forced him to cancel his tours and shows, he felt a profound sense of loss and aimlessness. He tried to fill the void with time off and distractions, but the absence of his usual scaffolding left him feeling worthless and uncertain. This experience forced him to confront his true self, who he had neglected for years, and to rediscover his hobbies and passions. While the experience was initially difficult, Sloss ultimately came to appreciate the value of introspection and self-discovery.

Discovering new interests and connecting with like-minded people can lead to personal growth and happiness. The speaker shares how he found solace in Dungeons and Dragons and comic books, which he had suppressed as a teenager due to lack of confidence. He also mentions how therapy, meditation, and comedy played a significant role in his journey towards self-discovery and overcoming potential negative paths in life. Traveling and meeting people from diverse backgrounds was also emphasized as a crucial experience that broadens perspectives and fosters understanding among different cultures. Overall, the speaker's experience highlights the importance of exploring new hobbies, connecting with others, and seeking outlets for personal expression.

Despite our differences, we are all the same species. Traveling and gaining new perspectives can help us understand this, but unfortunately, it often requires financial resources. Daniel Tosh reflects on how his ego might have grown if he hadn't taken a break from comedy, and how our actions, even those done ironically, can stem from deep-rooted fears and biases. Tosh also shares his struggle to create content during the pandemic due to poor internet connection, but finds an audience through day drinking streams on Instagram. Ultimately, it's important to acknowledge our biases and do the real work to understand ourselves and others, rather than hiding behind a veneer of self-awareness or irony.

New platforms like Twitch are disrupting traditional industries by allowing direct creator-to-fan interactions and decentralized earning potential. This was highlighted through the example of the adult entertainment industry, where performers have transitioned from working for production companies to using platforms like OnlyFans and Meme.vip. The same trend could potentially apply to comedians, who are already finding success on Twitch. The appeal lies in the ability to build a community and engage with fans in real-time, without the need for intermediaries like broadcasters. Twitch's interactive features, such as tips and fan interactions, provide comedians with a new way to monetize their content and build a sustainable career. The success stories on Twitch, such as Lemmy, Ian Sterling, and Gareth Ward, demonstrate the potential for comedians to reach larger audiences and earn a living through this medium. While stand-up comedy will always have a place, the opportunity to earn money from playing computer games is an attractive prospect for many. Ultimately, the future of comedy could lie in a combination of traditional and new media platforms, allowing comedians to reach fans in new and innovative ways.

Comedian Matt Rees strongly believes in keeping comedy affordable and maintaining artistic independence from fans. He feels guilty about taking excessive money from fans and refuses to sell merchandise or meet fans for photos, fearing the potential for resentment and a loss of artistic freedom. This mindset stems from a deep-rooted fear of not being worthy of fan support and a desire to please everyone. The interaction with David Schwimmer served as a reminder for Rees that he should value his personal relationships and not feel obligated to fulfill every fan request. This approach to comedy and fan interaction is a reflection of his self-worth and creative independence.

Creating content, especially in the entertainment industry, comes with a great deal of responsibility. The impact on fans can be profound, and some may even share deeply personal struggles. The artist may feel a strong sense of responsibility and even fear, leading them to limit their interaction with fans or avoid certain topics online. It's important for creators to recognize and address the emotional connection their work has with fans, while also maintaining boundaries to protect their own mental health. Additionally, the artist may hold a strong belief in the authenticity and purity of love and relationships, and may react strongly to criticism or negativity online. Ultimately, the artist must navigate the duality of their public persona and private life, turning on the confidence and resilience when needed, but also acknowledging the darker aspects of themselves.

The speaker's experiences of love, relationships, and personal growth have led him to appreciate the value of domestic life and the desire for a family, despite societal expectations that men should not express such feelings openly. He discusses how moving in with his girlfriend and the upcoming pandemic forced him to confront his romantic side, which he had previously suppressed due to societal norms. He also shares his evolving perspective on fatherhood and the societal stigma surrounding men who express a desire for family before achieving it. The speaker's reflections highlight the importance of embracing one's emotions and desires, regardless of societal expectations.

Men can express love and emotions while still being strong and protective. The idea of toxic masculinity, which suggests men cannot feel love or should hide their emotions, is a harmful trope. Men's desire to be strong and protect their families is not inherently negative, as long as they allow themselves moments of vulnerability and weakness. The current societal climate for men shows various perspectives, from those who reject relationships to those excited about becoming fathers. Therapy can help process emotions and prevent the buildup of anger, but it's not accessible to everyone. Emotional expression and seeking help are essential parts of being a healthy, strong man.

Seeking help and self-awareness are crucial for personal growth, even during good times. Norma, a musician, shared her experience of hitting rock bottom after a tour, feeling overworked and disconnected from herself. She reached out for therapy, initially seeing it as a challenge rather than a support system. Through therapy, she discovered patterns of thought she wasn't aware of, such as anxiety, and learned that her internal monologue wasn't always an accurate reflection of reality. Norma emphasized that therapy isn't a replacement for a support network but rather an unbiased, external perspective that can help recognize and challenge unhealthy thought patterns. Her experience underscores the importance of self-care, self-awareness, and seeking help when needed.

Mental health is an essential aspect of our well-being, and seeking help through therapy can be beneficial for everyone, not just those with diagnosed conditions. The speaker shares her personal experience of how therapy has helped her manage her thoughts and emotions. She also advocates for reducing the stigma surrounding therapy and mental health issues. Additionally, she discusses her plans to write about mental health in her upcoming book, acknowledging her past arrogance and the need for self-reflection. The speaker also mentions her admiration for America but recognizes the need to address its complexities and challenges in her writing. Overall, the conversation emphasizes the importance of self-care, reflection, and understanding in maintaining good mental health.

Our perspectives and understanding evolve over time, and it's natural to look back at our past work and feel a sense of disconnect or even embarrassment. The speaker in this conversation expressed this feeling regarding his older content and the expectations people have for him to maintain a consistent viewpoint. He mentioned the difference between publishing a book versus creating a YouTube video, with the former being seen as evergreen and the latter more disposable. However, the speaker also acknowledged the importance of growth and wisdom that comes with age and experience. He plans to explore new platforms like Twitch and write book chapters, but is enjoying the present moment and reconnecting with friends after years of touring. Ultimately, the conversation highlights the human tendency to grow and change, and the importance of being kind to our past selves while continuing to learn and adapt.

The price of great success often involves significant sacrifices, including personal relationships and work-life balance. The speaker, who is a comedian, shares his experience of spending most of his time on the road performing, which left him feeling disconnected from his friends and family. He now values being able to be a better friend and brother by being present in his own home. However, achieving success requires a lot of hard work and dedication, often involving long hours and personal sacrifices. The difference between those who make it to the top and those who don't can be small, and the extra effort required to achieve that 2% can be substantial. Ultimately, the speaker reflects on the importance of consistency and longevity in achieving greatness, rather than just speed or being the first to do something. He also questions whether he still has the same hunger for success that drove him earlier in his career. Many people may be able to relate to this feeling of becoming "domesticated" or losing charisma when they slow down and prioritize personal relationships over career ambition.

The pandemic has had a profound impact on people's lives, leading to both positive and negative outcomes. On the one hand, some individuals have discovered newfound energy and passion, potentially leading to a generation of greats in various fields. On the other hand, many people, particularly in the arts, have faced significant challenges and may have had to abandon their passions due to financial struggles. The long-term effects of the pandemic on children and various industries remain uncertain. In terms of relationships, maintaining effort and communication is crucial, especially during challenging times. Lastly, taking care of one's physical and mental health is essential, as the pandemic has highlighted the importance of self-care and seeking help when needed.

It's important to acknowledge and accept our own struggles, even when we feel like we're not entitled to them due to the hardships of others. The speaker emphasized the importance of recognizing our own emotions and allowing ourselves to be happy, despite any external pressures or comparisons. Additionally, the speaker suggested various ways to find happiness, such as watching certain shows on Netflix, following them on social media, and attending live performances. Overall, the message was one of self-care and self-acceptance, encouraging listeners to prioritize their own well-being and happiness.