Anger – Part 1 - Threshold of Brilliance – Episode 19 – November 6, 2023
When we grow up with a volatile parent, we tend to blame our own volatility on them. At some point, however we must realize that WE are making that choice, and can’t blame THEM anymore.
Anger is almost always a secondary emotion! Typically, we experience a primary emotion, like fear, loss, disappointment, feeling overwhelmed, inadequacy, or sadness, first. Because these emotions create feelings of vulnerability and loss of control, they can trigger us. To get a lasting handle on our anger, we need to look at the root cause.
Come join us as we explore a little more about this topic that many times gets a bad rap and is not always the cause.
1. What is anger?
2. What causes anger?
· Unresolved childhood trauma.
· Repressed or unmet needs.
· Unrealistic expectations from people/situation.
· Coping unhealthily with stress, anxiety, etc.
· Experiences of neglect, abuse, or aggressive behavior.
3. How can we identify the root cause of our own anger?
4. Why is anger so pervasive for some and others seem to have it under control?
5. What are some causes of prolonged anger?
6. What are some ways to control anger in the moment? Or short-circuiting it in the long rund
7. What are some of the key issues of emotional health?
SHOW NOTES:
What is anger?
1. A full frontal assault on your amygdala – Brad
a. Fear and loss or something that happened in my past
b. Unmet expectations about my own thinking or behavior
c. A signal that something important to me was at risk
2. Unmet expectations or loss of control tend to be the immediate triggers – John
a. Especially when I try to redirect and regain control of expected behaviors, and things go even further off the rails
3. Control is a fallacy. Nobody has control, has ever had control, or ever will have control. The universe does what it does and we can’t control it. It’s part of being human. We can only control what we do with it when we feel the loss of control.
4. A response to not having control over the world we think we should have.
5. Right now it seems like much of the world is angry. People see the way the world is, think it should be different, and get angry when they can’t make the rest of the world behave the way they think it should be.
What causes anger?
I suggest that people draw two circles that overlap. One is the things that are important to you. The other is the things that you can control. - Brad
When tend to ‘react’ in the moment, rather than ‘respond’. A response indicates you’ve given it some thought. Generally, anger comes out without you putting in much thought at all. – Brad
Unresolved childhood trauma can trigger us today, unless we have recognized them and choose to diminish them – Brad
Repressed needs we think we have, that we think are not being met – Brad
One of the causes for stress, and a trigger for anger, are unrealistic expectations – Brad
Children are born thinking the world is simply an extension of themselves. As they grow, and realize the world is separate, they often struggle with the loss of control they experience. A childhood trauma, at age 6, left me feeling that there was no part of my world, even internally, that I had control over. It left me feeling weak, vulnerable, and fearful. It also too me 50 years time, and 30 years of self-discovery, therapy and work for start recovering from the experience. – John
The world doesn’t care what about what I expect, want or need, the world simply does what the world does. The fact that I put expectations is something I have to realize sets me up for anger. – John
In Budism, they recognize that want, need and desire cause pain. Ignorance is not seeing the world as it really is.
How can we identify the root cause of our own anger?
Pay attention to what triggers you? – Brad
· We can feel frustration starting to build up, recognize that and choose a different way to react.
· I can only control my attitude and my actions, that’s it.
Taking three diaphragmic breathes can help you regain control over your attitude and actions in the moment when you feel yourself getting triggered – Brad
Practicing mindfulness is another way of learning to regain control. A SIMPLE TRICK is, when you are feeling triggered, use the fingertips of one hand to rub the inside of the palm on your other hand. This forces you to think about that sensation vs thinking about reacting to your triggers in the moment. – Brad
THE SERENTIY PRAYER
God grant me the courage to accept
the things I cannot change,
The strength to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.
If I get mad a you, I’m giving you control over my emotions and thoughts, and I don’t want to give control of me to someone else, who probably doesn’t even know you’ve given them control. – John
SECTION TWO OF ANGER WILL BE RELEASED MONDAY, NOVEMBER 13TH.
Our next full episode of Threshold of Brilliance, on Thanksgiving and Gratitude, will be released on Monday, November 20th, just in time for the Thanksgiving holiday.
