Have you ever looked back on the past year and thought, “Wow. I had such big elaborate goals. Where has the time gone? I thought that I’d be in a different place by now.”
If so, you’re not alone. This happens to so many of us. More so if you’re a solo mom. I mean, it’s not like you don’t have a lot going on.
It’s not like you aren’t putting in all of the work daily. Let’s be honest, you’re crushing it.
Yet, when you look around, it’s not exactly what you planned for this year. The time seems to pass so fast.
Today, I want to share with you the one thing that moved from a dabbler to a consistent action taker. It’s not time management, it’s not planning and it’s not some type of goal setting strategy.
What changed everything for me in 2020 and beyond is what I am referring to as goal integrity.
What is the definition of integrity? You probably know, I mean you learned this growing up right?
Well, according to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, there are two meanings that are relatable here:
1.The quality of being honest and fair
2.The state of being complete or whole
When you set a vision, intentions or goals for your life, it’s up to you to see them through. No one else is responsible for your success. Therefore, you need to be honest and fair with yourself.
If your goals are tied to what you truly desire from a deep soul level, then you must honor yourself enough to make those goals a reality. That is what contributes to your state of being complete or whole.
Taking these definitions of integrity and applying them to your goals means that you must be honest and fair with yourself in your approach. You must honor your desires to align with your complete or whole self.
This is what I have come to call goal integrity. To have goal integrity is to stay true to your commitments to yourself when no one is watching.
This means that when you could curl up in a blanket, drink wine and watch Netflix, or work on your goal, you choose your goal (if that is what you originally planned during that time slot).
If you promised yourself you’d wake up extra early to put in work on your goal, you follow through on that. You don’t continuously hit the snooze button and ignore your goal.
The concept of goal integrity is truly one of a relationship with self. When you set goals for your life, it is your job and your job only, to follow through on them.
So often, this does not happen. At the end of the day, this is due to a disconnect in the relationship you have with yourself.
You must respect yourself enough to follow through on your commitments to yourself. Would you break a promise that you made to your partner? What about your child? How about your best friend?
Chances are, you would not. So, why is it that we break these promises to ourselves so often?
You can set all the goals in the world but if you don’t have goal integrity, you likely won’t make much progress.
Now, don’t beat yourself up over not having goal integrity. Don’t shame yourself. How would you know this information if it was never taught to you?
Unfortunately, these things aren’t taught to us and we must either seek this information out from other people through personal development, or learn it on our own.
It’s so much quicker to learn from someone else than to wait for your own life experience to be the teacher, by the way. You want to learn as much as you can from the experience of others because it will take you where you want to go much faster and with less effort.
Another reason why you shouldn’t shame yourself for not following through on your commitments to yourself is because you’ve been so busy following through on your commitments to other people.
You know, that little person who calls you, “mom”? You know, that role of “mom” that is the most selfless, giving and challenging mom in the world?
It’s always important to remember that you are one hundred percent worthy now - whether you’re actively making progress on your goals or intentions.
However, I know you want to reach that next level of your life. Maybe you want to buy that house for your family, pay off that debt, take your child(ren) on that vacation, quit that soul sucking job and start your own business or finally drop that baby weight and get fit and healthy.
Maybe you simply want to be more present with your child(ren). That is an amazing goal by the way. I know first hand how hyper-focused you can become on managing the day to day life as a single mom that you overlook being present and connecting.
You’ve got your goal and now it’s time to operate from a place of goal integrity.
Ok, so you understand what goal integrity is and how it provides you with the foundation of intentionally creating your future.
Now, let’s talk about the steps you can take to nurture your relationship with self enough to create goal integrity.
1.Identify your why.
You “why” is one of the most impactful things that will motivate you to take action day in and day out, even when it gets tough. In fact, you may have more than one “why”. It’s really important to connect emotionally to your “why”. Human beings are driven by emotion and when we can tie deep emotions to our “why”, it will drive you so much more.
2. Write out what you have to lose by not following through on your goal
Next, spend some time writing out what you have to lose if you don’t make this goal a reality. What will your life look like? How will this impact your child(ren)? How will this impact your legacy (if that is important to you)? Where will you be in five years? How about ten years? How will your life veer if this doesn’t happen?
Write these out in a journal and continuously explore this. This is going to light a fire under you when you just don’t feel like doing the thing that will move the needle on your goal.
3.Next, write out what you have to gain by following through on your goal.
So, now that you know what you have to lose, it’s time to identify what you have to gain. If (when) you make this goal a reality, how will your life change? How will things improve? What will that set in motion so that you can continue to build on that?
Will your child(ren) be proud? Will you elevate them and their own future as a result? Will you be happier, more fulfilled and proud?
Will you leave a legacy? Will this set in motion an amazing example for your child(ren) to learn from? Setting an example of being a goal crusher is honestly one of the best gifts you can give your child(ren), in my opinion.
Just as you want to become very familiar with what you stand to lose, you also want to know the ins and outs of what you stand to gain. This is so important.
4. Don’t tell anyone what your goal is. Make this a true pact with yourself and yourself only.
As I mentioned earlier, goal integrity is all about your relationship with self. It honestly has absolutely nothing to do with anyone else. Other people’s opinions don’t matter. In fact, other people’s opinions will only begin to cloud your judgement. You will begin to focus on what others think about your vision, your progress and your results (or lack thereof). This will be a massive distraction and energy suck.
Now, if you are a part of an uplifting community that supports one another in big goals, then that is a different story. Tell them.
But, for the most part, keep it to yourself. Focus on nourishing your relationship with self.
5. Celebrate the little wins along the way.
When you have big goals and ambitions, it can be easy to get caught in a pattern of never thinking you’re as far along as you “should” be. You are exactly where you are supposed to be - remember that. Make sure you’re acknowledging the progress you’re making along the way. Each little step that the needle moves, no matter how far, is a small victory. Acknowledge it. Allow yourself to feel good and proud. This will continuously nourish that relationship with self. As a bonus, it will also increase your confidence which in turn, will cause you to continue to take more action. This is what Tony Robbins calls the, “
Revisit your why, your wins and your losses often. Keep them front and center. Journal and meditate on them. Get to know them inside and out so that they are so deeply ingrained within your mind.
OK, so I want you to know that these are minor shifts but they are massively impactful. Before I developed goal integrity, I procrastinated. Tomorrow turned to next week, which turned to next month, which turned to next year and so on.
That procrastination is a vicious cycle. Are you a fellow recovering procrastinator like me? Procrastination is a dream killer. People will procrastinate their whole life away, which is really sad. But not me, and not you either.
Now, I sit down and do the work even in the face of fear and resistance. I do the work because I value the importance of following through on my commitments to myself. I honor myself and my dreams. I remember my why. I know what I stand to lose and what I stand to gain.
That drives me.
If you put these steps into practice, it will drive you too.
Connect with Me
Instagram: @heronething
Website: https://www.itsthatonething.com
Email: Kristin@isthatonething
