27. Our Shit: Suicide Ideations and the Depression Roller Coaster

Vincci Tsui, a mother of a three-year-old, balances her parenting knowledge from how she was raised with what she believes to be best for her daughter.  We discuss what we’ve learned from our parents and what has been taught to us from living in a western society. Which teachings to adopt and which to unlearn? What fears do we have as new parents? 

“This is something that's new for so many people, like not just from a cultural perspective or generational perspective […] we're not alone and we're probably not going to scar our kids for life if we're doing the best that we can.” - Vincci Tsui

Resources & Mentions:

• Vincci Tsui (Website & Instagram)
• How Co-regulation with Parents Develops into Self-Regulation in Children (Article)
• Your Brain's 3 Emotion Regulation Systems (Article)

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It’s official, Kristy is now single after a 6-year relationship. In this episode, we process the emotions after a breakup, recognize what is “overly independent”, and discuss fears of the future after losing a partner. Our Shit is a series where we update our lives with each other and how we cope with its challenges.

“I felt like if we stayed together, we would've been living a compromised version of a life that neither of us really wanted” - Kristy Yee

Episodes Mentioned:

• Ep 45. Our Shit: What I Learned from Breaking Up a 6 Year Relationship
• Ep 47. To Have or Not to Have Babies... and Why
• Ep 49. Attachment Style…It Makes You Feel Some Type of Way
• Ep 51. The Joy and Grief of Adult Friendships

The best way to support this show is by listening and sharing with a friend. If you would like to buy a coffee or bubble tea, we would love that too.

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Angie has been cheated on. Kristy has done the cheating. Inspired by the recent events in the Try Guys, we chat about our own experiences with infidelity including physical cheating, emotional cheating, micro-cheating, work crushes, and how to move on.

“You're not a cheater,  [...] you had cheated. But you’re not a cheater. It's not a identity thing, it's an action thing.” - Angie Yu

Resources & Mentions:

• What Is an Emotional Affair? (Article)

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The best way to support this show is by listening and sharing with a friend. If you would like to buy a coffee or bubble tea, we would love that too.

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www.shitwedonttellmom.com 

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We use Buzzsprout as our host because they seamlessly link to major podcast platforms and make it really easy to read analytics. They also have an awesome support team. Sign up today and get a $20 Amazon gift card!

We also use Descript as our editing software because editing with text is much easier than with soundwaves. We are not audio geniuses and want to focus our energy on creating content rather than editing. Sign up today and get your first 3 months free! 

Yes these are affiliate links because we like them and we use them too. 

The best way to support this show is by listening and sharing with a friend. If you would like to buy a coffee or bubble tea, we would love that too.

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Instagram @shitwedonttellmom

Email: shitwedonttellmom@gmail.com

www.shitwedonttellmom.com

Send us an audio message by clicking here!

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We use Buzzsprout as our host because they seamlessly link to major podcast platforms and make it really easy to read analytics. They also have an awesome support team. Sign up today and get a $20 Amazon gift card!

We also use Descript as our editing software because editing with text is much easier than with soundwaves. We are not audio geniuses and want to focus our energy on creating content rather than editing. Sign up today and get your first 3 months free!

Yes these are affiliate links because we like them and we use them too.

Kristy and Angie sit down to talk about adult friendships during Kristy's road trip across Canada. Analogies are made, lyrics are quoted, and tears are (almost) shed.

"I'm gonna hedge my bets if I have a lot of friends that are within the close circle. If a few of them left, then I'd be fine. As long as I keep filling this first ring, then it'll never be empty. And I think that was my protection mechanism." - Angie

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The best way to support this show is by listening and sharing with a friend. If you would like to buy a coffee or bubble tea, we would love that too.

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We use Buzzsprout as our host because they seamlessly link to major podcast platforms and make it easy to read analytics. They also have an awesome support team. Sign up today and get a $20 Amazon gift card!

We also use Descript as our editing software because editing with text is much easier than sound waves. We are not audio geniuses and want to focus our energy on creating content rather than editing. Sign up today and get your first 3 months free! 

Yes, these are affiliate links because we like them and use them too.

The best way to support this show is by listening and sharing with a friend. If you would like to buy a coffee or bubble tea, we would love that too.

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Instagram @shitwedonttellmom

Email: shitwedonttellmom@gmail.com

www.shitwedonttellmom.com

Send us an audio message by clicking here!

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We use Buzzsprout as our host because they seamlessly link to major podcast platforms and make it really easy to read analytics. They also have an awesome support team. Sign up today and get a $20 Amazon gift card!

We also use Descript as our editing software because editing with text is much easier than with soundwaves. We are not audio geniuses and want to focus our energy on creating content rather than editing. Sign up today and get your first 3 months free!

Yes these are affiliate links because we like them and we use them too.

Tam is in the “middle generation”. The balance between talking about mental health with her parents and learning how to teach her son to be in tune with his mental well-being. We discuss:

• her parents talking her out of using therapy
• people-pleasing tendencies as a survival tactic
• how to be there for other people but also set boundaries for your own emotions
• create space to process instead of suppressing your emotions 
• childhood bullying trauma 

Bonus: Kristy and Angie get their Oracle cards read for the first time

"I so much want to be the obedient good daughter to them, but I don't wanna do it at the expense of my own health.” - Tam Tran

Find Tam:

• www.stigmafreemovement.com
• Instagram @stigmafreemovement

Resources & Mentions:

• Oracle Deck by Rebecca Campbell (cards)
• The High 5 Habit by Mel Robins (book) 

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The best way to support this show is by listening and sharing with a friend. If you would like to buy a coffee or bubble tea, we would love that too.

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www.shitwedonttellmom.com 

Send us an audio message by clicking here!

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We use Buzzsprout as our host because they seamlessly link to major podcast platforms and make it really easy to read analytics. They also have an awesome support team. Sign up today and get a $20 Amazon gift card!

We also use Descript as our editing software because editing with text is much easier than with soundwaves. We are not audio geniuses and want to focus our energy on creating content rather than editing. Sign up today and get your first 3 months free! 

Yes these are affiliate links because we like them and we use them too. 

The best way to support this show is by listening and sharing with a friend. If you would like to buy a coffee or bubble tea, we would love that too.

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Instagram @shitwedonttellmom

Email: shitwedonttellmom@gmail.com

www.shitwedonttellmom.com

Send us an audio message by clicking here!

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We use Buzzsprout as our host because they seamlessly link to major podcast platforms and make it really easy to read analytics. They also have an awesome support team. Sign up today and get a $20 Amazon gift card!

We also use Descript as our editing software because editing with text is much easier than with soundwaves. We are not audio geniuses and want to focus our energy on creating content rather than editing. Sign up today and get your first 3 months free!

Yes these are affiliate links because we like them and we use them too.

What is your attachment style? Have you always wanted to do one but are not sure how it’ll go? We’ll do the quiz and narrate as we go and share some of our childhood memories and…well the answer may surprise you! Angie asked how understanding attachment helped in her current relationship and Kristy gave us a relationship update. As always, we discuss some deep shit.

“I just cannot rationalize my emotions away. Like I have no control over my emotions and they take over my life.” - Angie

”Well, the emotions are not logical, so you can’t rationalize something that’s... not logical.” - Kristy”

Resources & Mentions:

• Attached (Amir Levine, Rachel S. F. Heller)
• Free Attachment Style Quiz (Psych Central)
• Free Attachment Style Quiz (The Attachment Project)
• Attachment Styles Inforgraphic (Parenting for Brain)

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The best way to support this show is by listening and sharing with a friend. If you would like to buy a coffee or bubble tea, we would love that too.

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Instagram @shitwedonttellmom 

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www.shitwedonttellmom.com 

Send us an audio message by clicking here!

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We use Buzzsprout as our host because they seamlessly link to major podcast platforms and make it really easy to read analytics. They also have an awesome support team. Sign up today and get a $20 Amazon gift card!

We also use Descript as our editing software because editing with text is much easier than with soundwaves. We are not audio geniuses and want to focus our energy on creating content rather than editing. Sign up today and get your first 3 months free! 

Yes these are affiliate links because we like them and we use them too. 

The best way to support this show is by listening and sharing with a friend. If you would like to buy a coffee or bubble tea, we would love that too.

----

Instagram @shitwedonttellmom

Email: shitwedonttellmom@gmail.com

www.shitwedonttellmom.com

Send us an audio message by clicking here!

----

We use Buzzsprout as our host because they seamlessly link to major podcast platforms and make it really easy to read analytics. They also have an awesome support team. Sign up today and get a $20 Amazon gift card!

We also use Descript as our editing software because editing with text is much easier than with soundwaves. We are not audio geniuses and want to focus our energy on creating content rather than editing. Sign up today and get your first 3 months free!

Yes these are affiliate links because we like them and we use them too.

We decided to share a popular episode from season 1 from the summer of 2020 about how we talked ourselves out of our depressive episodes. We share audio clips of our actual voice messages with each other to show our realistic experiences, thoughts, and feelings. We talk about potential coping methods and understanding the different drivers that keep us going.

"I just cannot rationalize my emotions away. Like I have no control over my emotions and they take over my life." - Angie

"Well, the emotions are not logical, so you can't rationalize something that's... not logical." - Kristy

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The best way to support this show is by listening and sharing with a friend. If you would like to buy a coffee or bubble tea, we would love that too.

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Instagram @shitwedonttellmom 

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www.shitwedonttellmom.com 

Send us an audio message by clicking here!

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We use Buzzsprout as our host because they seamlessly link to major podcast platforms and make it really easy to read analytics. They also have an awesome support team. Sign up today and get a $20 Amazon gift card!

We also use Descript as our editing software because editing with text is much easier than with soundwaves. We are not audio geniuses and want to focus our energy on creating content rather than editing. Sign up today and get your first 3 months free! 

Yes, these are affiliate links because we like them and we use them too. 

Support the show

The best way to support this show is by listening and sharing with a friend. If you would like to buy a coffee or bubble tea, we would love that too.

----

Instagram @shitwedonttellmom

Email: shitwedonttellmom@gmail.com

www.shitwedonttellmom.com

Send us an audio message by clicking here!

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We use Buzzsprout as our host because they seamlessly link to major podcast platforms and make it really easy to read analytics. They also have an awesome support team. Sign up today and get a $20 Amazon gift card!

We also use Descript as our editing software because editing with text is much easier than with soundwaves. We are not audio geniuses and want to focus our energy on creating content rather than editing. Sign up today and get your first 3 months free!

Yes these are affiliate links because we like them and we use them too.

Angie always imaged having babies. Kristy is on team no kids. But lately, they’ve both been having different thoughts. In this episode, we explore why we originally wanted/not wanted babies and why we are changing our minds. We also chat about endometriosis, discussing babies when dating, abandonment fears, trust issues, and mom’s guilt tripping us.

"Maybe the reason why I always wanted to have a baby is not why I should have a baby" - Angie Yu

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The best way to support this show is by listening and sharing with a friend. If you would like to buy a coffee or bubble tea, we would love that too.

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Instagram @shitwedonttellmom 

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www.shitwedonttellmom.com 

Send us an audio message by clicking here!

----

We use Buzzsprout as our host because they seamlessly link to major podcast platforms and make it really easy to read analytics. They also have an awesome support team. Sign up today and get a $20 Amazon gift card!

We also use Descript as our editing software because editing with text is much easier than with soundwaves. We are not audio geniuses and want to focus our energy on creating content rather than editing. Sign up today and get your first 3 months free! 

Yes, these are affiliate links because we like them and we use them too. 

The best way to support this show is by listening and sharing with a friend. If you would like to buy a coffee or bubble tea, we would love that too.

----

Instagram @shitwedonttellmom

Email: shitwedonttellmom@gmail.com

www.shitwedonttellmom.com

Send us an audio message by clicking here!

----

We use Buzzsprout as our host because they seamlessly link to major podcast platforms and make it really easy to read analytics. They also have an awesome support team. Sign up today and get a $20 Amazon gift card!

We also use Descript as our editing software because editing with text is much easier than with soundwaves. We are not audio geniuses and want to focus our energy on creating content rather than editing. Sign up today and get your first 3 months free!

Yes these are affiliate links because we like them and we use them too.

**Content Warning: Death, Depression, Suicide**

We are joined by psychotherapist Shirvin Lee who gets vulnerable and shares her childhood traumas of facing sexism and insurmountable pressures from her family. We also learn how to process and understand emotions better.

“Happiness is not the baseline.” - Shirvin

Resources/Mentions

• Dopamine Nation (Book)
• Why Are Emotions So Important? And How to Address Them (Article)
• Dialectical Behavior Therapy - Self Validation (Article)

Find Shirvin:

• Fundamentally Human by Shirvin Lee (Podcast)
• @therapywithshirvin (Instagram) 

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The best way to support this show is by listening and sharing with a friend. If you would like to buy a coffee or bubble tea, we would love that too.

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Instagram @shitwedonttellmom 

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www.shitwedonttellmom.com 

Send us an audio message by clicking here!

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We use Buzzsprout as our host because they seamlessly link to major podcast platforms and make it really easy to read analytics. They also have an awesome support team. Sign up today and get a $20 Amazon gift card and we get a little something too.

We also use Descript as our editing software because editing with text is much easier than with soundwaves. We are not audio geniuses and want to focus our energy in creating content rather than editing. Sign up today

Yes these are affiliate links because we like them and we use them too. 

The best way to support this show is by listening and sharing with a friend. If you would like to buy a coffee or bubble tea, we would love that too.

----

Instagram @shitwedonttellmom

Email: shitwedonttellmom@gmail.com

www.shitwedonttellmom.com

Send us an audio message by clicking here!

----

We use Buzzsprout as our host because they seamlessly link to major podcast platforms and make it really easy to read analytics. They also have an awesome support team. Sign up today and get a $20 Amazon gift card!

We also use Descript as our editing software because editing with text is much easier than with soundwaves. We are not audio geniuses and want to focus our energy on creating content rather than editing. Sign up today and get your first 3 months free!

Yes these are affiliate links because we like them and we use them too.

This is an intimate story about my recent breakup with my partner of 6 years. I share my fear of judgment from friends, staying vs. leaving the relationship, the lessons learned, and how I plan to move forward. 

“I can’t just keep quitting every time something goes wrong in a relationship” - Kristy 

Resources/Mentions
Paired - App for Couples

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The best way to support this show is by listening and sharing with a friend. If you would like to buy a coffee or bubble tea, we would love that too.

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Instagram @shitwedonttellmom 

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www.shitwedonttellmom.com
Send us an audio message by clicking here!

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We use Buzzsprout as our host because they seamlessly link to major podcast platforms and make it really easy to read analytics. They also have an awesome support team. Sign up today and get a $20 Amazon gift card and we get a little something too.

We also use Descript as our editing software because editing with text is much easier than with soundwaves. We are not audio geniuses and want to focus our energy in creating content rather than editing. Sign up today

Yes these are affiliate links because we like them and we use them too. 

The best way to support this show is by listening and sharing with a friend. If you would like to buy a coffee or bubble tea, we would love that too.

----

Instagram @shitwedonttellmom

Email: shitwedonttellmom@gmail.com

www.shitwedonttellmom.com

Send us an audio message by clicking here!

----

We use Buzzsprout as our host because they seamlessly link to major podcast platforms and make it really easy to read analytics. They also have an awesome support team. Sign up today and get a $20 Amazon gift card!

We also use Descript as our editing software because editing with text is much easier than with soundwaves. We are not audio geniuses and want to focus our energy on creating content rather than editing. Sign up today and get your first 3 months free!

Yes these are affiliate links because we like them and we use them too.