32. Having Smarter Sex with Emily Morse

Podcast Summary

• Advocating for 'smarter sex': Open communication, consent, and prioritizing pleasure enhance sexual experiences and contribute to overall spiritual growth and emotional connection.

  Emily Morse, a doctor of human sexuality and host of the Sex with Emily podcast, advocates for "smarter sex" – open communication, consent, and prioritizing pleasure for both partners. This approach not only enhances sexual experiences but also contributes to overall spiritual growth and emotional connection. Emily's journey to becoming a sex expert began when she realized she wasn't experiencing orgasms during sex and felt that something was wrong with her. She then dedicated her career to helping others navigate their sexuality and relationships, emphasizing the importance of understanding and expressing desires, breaking free from societal expectations, and embracing pleasure as a fundamental aspect of life.

• Exploring Sexuality for Personal Growth and a Better World: Embrace your sexuality, learn to give and receive pleasure, and eradicate shame and trauma for personal growth and positive changes in your life and the world.

  The journey towards healing our sexuality and having smarter, healthier sex can lead to personal growth and contribute to the betterment of the world. The speaker, who discovered her purpose through exploring people's sex lives in a podcast format, believes that our sexual health is an integral part of our overall wellness and that many people are still in the dark about it. By embracing our sexuality, learning to receive and give pleasure, and eradicating shame and trauma, we can feel more embodied, connected, and experience more pleasure. This, in turn, can lead to positive changes in our lives and in the world, as the repression of sexuality has been linked to various negative consequences, including war, violence against women, and mental health issues. By having intentional, conscious sex, we can help heal ourselves and the planet.

• Holistic approach to better sex: Embodiment, mental & physical health, collaboration, self-knowledge, self-acceptance: Achieving better sex involves more than just techniques, it requires a holistic approach including being fully present, good health, effective communication, understanding desires, and self-acceptance

  Having better sex involves more than just tips and tricks. It requires a holistic approach that includes embodiment, mental and physical health, collaboration, self-knowledge, and self-acceptance. Embodiment means being fully present and engaged during sex. Mental and physical health are essential for good blood flow and overall sexual function. Collaboration involves effective communication and appreciation of the sexual experience. Self-knowledge means understanding our desires and requirements for sex. Self-acceptance means accepting our bodies and experiences as they are. These pillars are interconnected and all matter for optimal sexual health and pleasure.

• Exploring sexual intelligence and authenticity: Sexual intelligence is a tool for self-awareness and growth, not a destination. Authenticity, presence, communication, compassion, and acceptance are key components of being a great lover and building strong connections.

  Our sexual experiences and understanding of ourselves as sexual beings is a continuous journey, not a destination. Sexual intelligence, or IQ, is not something we can achieve and then maintain, but rather a tool for self-awareness and growth. Authenticity, presence, communication, compassion, and acceptance are key components of being a great lover and building a strong connection with a partner. These spiritual tools can also lead to transcendent experiences, reminding us of the sacredness and divinity within ourselves and our relationships. Ultimately, the goal is to embrace our sexuality as a means of self-discovery, personal growth, and spiritual connection.

• Exploring deeper intimacy through embodiment practices: Simple practices like eye gazing and communication exercises can deepen connection and help individuals receive pleasure and connect on a deeper level, moving beyond performative roles.

  The practice of embodiment and connection between couples can lead to profound moments of transformation and deeper intimacy. Simple practices, such as eye gazing and communication exercises like the "bossy masseuse," can help individuals become more in tune with their bodies and desires. These practices allow couples to move beyond performative roles and learn to receive pleasure and connect on a deeper level. By focusing on the little things and being present in the moment, couples can build a strong foundation for a fulfilling and transcendent relationship.

• Creating a culture of safety around sex: To explore sexuality without fear, focus on trust, respect, and consent in relationships, and prioritize accurate, holistic sex education.

  Creating a culture of safety around sex is crucial for having smarter, healthier sexual experiences. Safety encompasses feeling safe with one's partner, trust, and following through on promises. It's essential to ask oneself if one feels safe with their partner, as relationships built on trust and respect for boundaries lead to more pleasure and orgasms. Unfortunately, many people lack this sense of safety due to societal norms and inadequate sex education. To reverse this trend, we need to teach sex education in a more holistic and accurate way, focusing on pleasure and consent. Consent is not a buzzkill but rather a crucial aspect of safety, allowing individuals to express their desires and feel secure in their sexual encounters. By prioritizing safety, we can create a society where everyone feels empowered to explore their sexuality without fear of harm or exploitation.

• Approach consent as a continuous process during sex: Redefine sex to focus on individual pleasure and build consent slowly for a hot and erotic atmosphere

  Consent and turning ourselves on are interconnected and crucial aspects of a fulfilling and safe sexual experience. Consent should be approached as a continuous and sexy process, not just a one-time check-in. Building consent slowly can help create a hot and erotic atmosphere, allowing both partners to truly enjoy the moment. Furthermore, understanding that women's sexual response time is different from men's and embracing this difference can help bridge the arousal gap. By redefining what sex means to us and focusing on activities that bring the most pleasure to each individual, we can create a more enjoyable and satisfying sexual experience for all.

• Exploring Sexual Experiences Beyond Penetration: Focusing on touch, massage, and connection can lead to deeper, more fulfilling sexual experiences. Understand individual goals and needs, and embrace the challenges and rewards of sharing the experience with a partner.

  Sexual experiences can be about more than just penetration and orgasm. Instead, focusing on touch, massage, and connection can lead to a deeper and more fulfilling sexual experience. However, it's important to understand that everyone's goals and needs are different, and what works for one person may not work for another. Additionally, self-pleasuring can be easier and faster due to a better understanding of one's own body and needs, but bringing a partner into the equation adds complexity as both individuals need to align their energies and be present in the moment. It's essential to define what sexual experiences mean to us and embrace the freedom and naturalness of pleasuring ourselves while also recognizing the value and challenges of sharing that experience with a partner.

• Explore and Understand Your Own Pleasure: Individuals can deepen their understanding of their bodies and enhance their sexual experiences by taking responsibility for their own orgasms and erotic energy through mindful exploration and self-dating.

  Individuals hold the power to explore and understand their own pleasure and sexuality, rather than relying on external factors or partners. This involves taking responsibility for one's own orgasms and erotic energy, as well as learning to turn oneself on through mindful exploration and self-dating. Female sexuality, often shrouded in shame and misunderstanding, especially needs this focus, as societal conditioning and biology have made it less celebrated than male sexuality. By dedicating time and effort to discovering what feels good for ourselves, we can deepen our understanding of our bodies and enhance our overall sexual experiences.

• The Evolution of Understanding Female Sexuality and Prioritizing Pleasure: New research reveals the clitoris is larger than thought with 12,000 nerve endings, prioritizing pleasure leads to increased magnetism, explore different stimulation methods, and practice techniques like meditation, pelvic floor exercises, and sex magic to tap into sexual energy's full potential.

  Our understanding of female sexuality and the importance of prioritizing pleasure has evolved significantly in recent years. For decades, the clitoris was understudied and misunderstood, leading to misconceptions about its size and function. However, new research has revealed that the clitoris is much larger than previously thought, with over 12,000 nerve endings, many of which are responsible for orgasm and sexual pleasure. Additionally, prioritizing pleasure and understanding the connection between sexual energy and manifestation can lead to increased magnetism and attraction in various aspects of life. It's important to explore different ways of stimulating these nerve endings beyond porn and vibrators, and to practice techniques like meditation, pelvic floor exercises, and sex magic to tap into the full potential of sexual energy. By prioritizing pleasure and embodying sexual energy, individuals can become more attractive and magnetic, leading to better relationships, opportunities, and overall well-being.

• Comprehensive Sex Education and Tantra for Young People: The Netherlands' approach to sex education starting from birth reduces shame and misunderstandings. Tantra's focus on presence, embodiment, and consent can teach young people about healthy sexuality. Safe spaces are crucial to teach sex education and combat negative associations with sex and pornography.

  There is a significant need for comprehensive sex education for young people, especially in the context of tantra and mindfulness practices. Shame and conditioning around sexuality start at a young age, often before verbal communication, and can lead to misunderstandings and negative associations with sex. The Netherlands is an example of a country where comprehensive sex education starts from birth, which helps reduce shame and misunderstandings. Tantra, with its focus on presence, embodiment, and consent, could be a valuable tool for teaching young people about healthy sexuality. However, the lack of sex education in many places and the prevalence of pornography make it essential to create safe spaces for young people to learn about sex and pleasure without shame.

• Embracing pleasure and authenticity as antidotes to shame around sexuality: Identifying and challenging limiting beliefs about sex and our bodies can help us reclaim our sexual power and rewrite our own sexual narratives.

  Shame around sexuality and pleasure can stem from various sources, including religious conditioning, societal norms, and personal experiences. This shame can significantly impact our ability to experience and enjoy sexual intimacy. The antidote to this shame is embracing pleasure and authenticity. By identifying and challenging limiting beliefs about sex and our bodies, we can rewrite our own sexual narratives and learn to view ourselves as deserving of pleasure and connection. Through practices like journaling and flipping the script, we can begin to reframe our beliefs and reclaim our sexual power.

• Surround yourself with sex positive voices and practices: Embracing sex positivity and open communication can lead to personal growth, discovery, and empowerment. Connect with like-minded individuals and resources to challenge societal norms and expand understanding of sexuality and relationships.

  Surrounding yourself with sex positive voices and practices can help rewire notions of shame and promote open and healthy conversations about sex. This can lead to personal growth and exploration, as well as the discovery of new possibilities and experiences. By finding and connecting with like-minded individuals and resources, individuals can challenge societal norms and expand their understanding of sexuality and relationships. It's important to remember that everyone's journey is unique and that there is no "sex police" to regulate personal choices. Embracing sex positivity and open communication can lead to increased empowerment and self-discovery.

• Exploring Relationships Beyond Monogamy: Embrace self-acceptance, open communication, and growth mindset to explore relationship possibilities beyond monogamy, and accept societal shifts towards acceptance.

  Individuals have the freedom to explore and define their relationships beyond traditional monogamy, and the importance of open communication and reevaluating the relationship contract. The speaker shares her personal journey of discovering that monogamy didn't work for her, and the importance of accepting oneself and one's desires. She also emphasizes the need for more open conversations about sex and the various possibilities it offers, as well as the importance of having a partner with a growth mindset. The speaker believes that the world is becoming more accepting of alternative relationship structures, but there is still shame and societal pressure to conform to traditional monogamy. She encourages individuals to explore their options and communicate openly with their partners to create a fulfilling and expansive sacred union.

• Exploring expansive sacred unions for personal growth: Investing time in open, consensual relationships can lead to profound personal growth, offering opportunities to confront and integrate shadow sides and elevate development.

  Exploring open or expansive sacred unions in relationships can lead to profound personal growth, but it requires a significant time investment in communication, processing, and self-reflection. These types of relationships can be seen as a syllabus, offering opportunities to confront and integrate shadow sides, and ultimately, elevate personal development. However, it's essential to ensure that all parties are fully on board and that the relationship remains consensual and pleasurable. The most crucial aspect is that individuals define their relationships based on their unique needs and desires, fostering an open dialogue and embracing the diverse spectrum of sexuality and gender identities. Ultimately, the goal is to create a sacred union that supports personal growth and fosters a deeper connection with oneself and one's partner(s).

• Plant medicine enhances sexual experiences by helping individuals become more present and embodied: Plant medicine like psilocybin, LSD, cannabis, and ketamine can help release anxiety, shame, and distraction, allowing individuals to truly feel emotions during sex and deepen spiritual connection.

  Plant medicine, particularly psychedelics like psilocybin, LSD, and even cannabis, can help individuals become more embodied and present during sexual experiences. This is important because anxiety and distraction prevent pleasure, and plant medicine can help release shame and old stories, allowing individuals to truly feel their emotions in the moment. The historical use of plant medicine for sexuality and spiritual connection is also noteworthy. Trauma, shame, and conditioning are common causes of disassociation during sex, and plant medicine can help individuals reconnect with their bodies and communities. Ketamine, in particular, can increase neuroplasticity and rewire things quickly, and it's now possible to undergo ketamine-assisted therapy without having to stop taking SSRIs. The combination of plant medicine and sexuality can lead to accelerated healing and potentiality, liberating us from trauma loops and deepening our connection to the divine and the planet.

• Trauma and presence in sexuality: Addressing trauma enhances overall well-being, including sexuality. Use safe and effective products, embrace desires, and create a sexually liberated community for happier lives.

  Trauma and being present are interconnected, impacting not only our sexuality but other areas of our lives as well. Emily Nagoski, the author of "Smart Sex," emphasizes this idea, sharing her personal journey and the importance of addressing these issues to enhance our overall well-being. Additionally, she introduced Playground Lubricant, a vegan, feel-good lubricant with added supplements and essential oils, advocating for the importance of using safe and effective sexual health products. Emily's podcast, Sex with Emily, and her shop offer curated recommendations for sex toys and accessories, ensuring the best possible experiences for individuals seeking to improve their sex lives. By embracing the belief that bliss is our birthright and coming together to meditate, breathe, and focus on our desires, we can create a sexually liberated community and live happier lives.

• Connect with a global meditation community: Join Ziva Meditation's live sessions to connect with like-minded individuals and activate your inner bliss

  Joining Ziva Meditation's live sessions at zivameditation.com/activate is a free and joyful experience where you can connect with like-minded individuals from around the world and activate your inner bliss. This meditation community offers a unique opportunity to be part of a global group and access the joy and peace that comes from meditation practice. By taking this simple step, you can tap into the birthright of inner happiness and well-being. Don't miss out on this chance to connect, learn, and grow with others in a supportive and meaningful way. Join Ziva Meditation live today and discover the power of meditation with a global community.