4 Basic Skills for Parents and Children Part 2 // Janice Mireles and Rachael Moss

In this short concluding episode of Season 2, Courtney and Carley share information for a giveaway and explain their decision to temporarily step back from podcasting (without a planned date for returning). Thank you for listening this season! We love you sisters. 

 

Visit www.heysisterpodcast.org/giveaway for giveaway information or check out our stores on Instagram this week. 

 

Check out the guest we are sad we needed to cancel our interview with, Michael Anderson from the podcast, Everyday Impact. 

 

Teaching children to accept “no” answers and follow instructions are critical skills. When family members learn these skills and incorporate them into their daily lives, behaviors can be corrected and the parent-child relationship is more connected. Janice Mireles and Rachael Moss, parenting experts and Teaching Self-Government mentors, join Courtney and Carley for the second part in a discussion about the 4 basic skills every child and parent needs. For the first two skills, check out Season 2 Episode 8.  This episode is part of the Connections within Motherhood series, airing May 2023.

 

Call to Action: 

“Using these fundamental skills can create so much success in so many  areas, but even if you teach these skills daily, you won't be able to see the connection that you want, you won't live your family mission or reach your vision if your tone isn't right. So my call to action is to notice your tone!

 

Take a deep breath before you speak. Look into your children's eyes when you speak, and feel love and trust toward them. Believe the best of them. I know this can be hard when we have such deep neural pathways and lifelong habits of lecturing or snapping and griping, yelling, whatever it may be. So at first, just notice and practice and see what a difference that alone makes.” - Janice Mireles

 

 

 

Show Timeline:

 

0:00 Guests and topic introduction

 

2:30 Accepting no answers: includes criticism (positive and negative) and not getting what you prefer

 

5:30 Using disagree appropriately skill within the “accepting a no answer” skill

 

12:45 Pre-teaching plug, rewarding vs. bribing, communicating with pre-teens and teenagers

 

16:00 Dropping the subject with your mouth and your mind

 

18:15 Following instructions: be clear, break down tasks, make sure task is accomplishable for the child, children blooming under praise afterwards

 

21:00 Check back: the last step in following instructions

 

24:00 When instructions are consequences, they do NOT need to be negative. Making cookies with mama, serving siblings at lunch.    

 

27:00 Using TSG instead of custom-crafting punishments based on children’s natures (Courtney’s a-ha moment transitioning from a different parenting model)

 

28:30 Call to action, concluding thoughts, outtakes

 

 

 

Resources:

 

Connect with Janice and Rachael 

• https://www.instagram.com/bossymossy/
• https://www.instagram.com/encouragedmama/

 

Connect with Hey, Sister!

• https://www.instagram.com/theheysisterpodcast/

 

Learn more about Teaching Self-Government

• https://teachingselfgovernment.com

 

Parenting: A house United (book referenced)

• https://teachingselfgovernment.com/store/parenting-a-house-united/

 

Check out past episodes of Hey, Sister! (including Part 1 of this 2-part segment)

• https://heysisterpodcast.org/home-2/episodes/

 

Best friend parenting experts Janice Mireles and Rachael Moss join Courtney and Carley to discuss 2 of the 4 basic skills within Teaching Self-Government: Accepting consequences and disagreeing appropriately. Janice and Rachael give an overview of all 4 basic skills, then share specific examples and benefits of accepting consequences and what it means and looks like to disagree appropriately. This episode is part of the Connections within Motherhood series, airing May 2023.

 

Call to Action: 

“Take the opportunity each time you're interacting with your child and look them in the eyes.” -Rachael Moss

 

Show Timeline:

 

0:00 Guests and topic introduction

 

4:15 Overview of 4 basic skills, steps to achieving them and books about each skill. Explanation of cue cards for adult use. 4 basic skills: following instructions, accepting no answers and criticism, accepting consequences, and disagreeing appropriately

 

9:30 Accepting consequences/corrections: correcting behavior, connecting to heart. Examples: siblings bickering earn extra chore

 

19:45 Disagreeing appropriately: example unloading dishwasher, counter suggestions

 

24:00 Carley’s personal coaching through real-life scenario with rolling pin: no answers and disagreeing appropriately deep-dive

 

26:45 Pre-teaching and practicing; lowering anxiety through consistency on parent’s part

 

34:00 Connect with Rachael and Janice, call to action, concluding thoughts, outtakes

 

 

Resources:

Learn more about Teaching Self-Government

Parenting: A House United (book)

Children’s books

Cue Cards

Hey, Sister! Past Episodes

 

Connect: 

Rachael's Instagram

Janice's Instagram

Hey, Sister! Instagram

 

 

The importance and benefits of pre-teaching ourselves and our children is discussed with parenting expert Paije Baumert, a mentor from Teaching Self-Government. Paije gives a brief overview of 4 basic skills every child and adult need to understand and shares the skill she utilizes most in her daily life as a mother of an 18-month old (giving no-answers). This episode is part of the Connections within Motherhood series, airing May 2023.

Call to Action:

"Choose this week not to take your toddler's behaviors personally! And do a self pre-teach every day before you interact with any of your children. There, I guess I gave you two, but they go hand in hand." - Paije Baumert

 

Resources: 

Learn more about Teaching Self Government: https://teachingselfgovernment.com/

Listen to Paije & Nicholeen on the TSG podcast: https://teachingselfgovernment.com/podcasts/

Connect with Hey, Sister! Podcast: https://heysisterpodcast.org/

 

Show Timeline: 

0:00 Guest and topic introduction

 

3:15 How teaching self-government (TSG) has helped Paije in her relationships

 

6:00 The four basic skills: following instructions, accepting no for an answer (and criticism), accepting consequences and disagreeing appropriately

 

8:30 No-answers are a crucial skill for toddlers, teaching breathing to calm down before receiving a no-answer, getting out of emotional back brain into logical front brain 

 

12:15 Using cue phrases to calm a child, “we don’t talk like that”, pre-teaching, emotional manipulation not a healthy response, 

 

20:00 Pre-teaching explanation: telling someone what needs to happen before it happens, examples of skills to pre-teach

 

27:00 Skill permanence in toddlers, similar to object permanence in babies

 

31:30 Pre-teaching brings anxiety levels way down, role-playing is form of pre-teaching, TSG courses and mentoring calls

 

 

36:45 Call to action, concluding thoughts, outtakes

Family vision, family mission, proactive parenting, the roles of mother and father—it’s all covered in this compelling conversation with Nicholeen Peck, parenting expert and founder of the proven parenting system Teaching Self-Government. Nicholeen is one of the world’s leading voices in protecting and supporting the family, and her love for motherhood shines through in all she says and does. This episode airs as part of the month theme of "Motherhood", dedicated to strengthening connections within motherhood.  

 

Call to action: 

Find calmness in your parenting! “Calmness is the basis for good communication and understanding in relationships. Without calmness, we fall into power struggles and traps that make us frustrated with ourselves and each other.” (Teaching Self-Government website) Find calmness with the free calm parent toolkit offered on Nicholeen’s website. 

 

Download the Calm Parenting Toolkit 

 

Resources:

https://teachingselfgovernment.com

 

Parenting: A House United Get Nicholeen's popular parenting book!

 

TSG Instagram

 

 

Hey, Sister! Instagram

 

 

 

Timeline: 

0:00 Guest and topic introduction

 

6:15 Self-government definition and overview of Parenting: A House United. Shooting analogy—Aligning the aught (who you ought to be) and front-site (personal wants). Course correcting daily.

 

9:15 Overview of four basic skills within Teaching Self-Government

 

12:30 Family vision and mission explanation 

 

14:00 Roles of mother and father. Discussion on vision. Vision is the WHY.

 

17:45 Discussion on family mission. Mission is the HOW. Missions can be for various areas of life: personal, parent, family, work. Missions provide the feeling of living your ultimate purpose.

 

23:15 Reactive and proactive parenting

 

25:15 The 8 personal missions

 

31:45 Creating a family mission statement. Peck family mission statement.

 

37:30 World’s view of motherhood

 

41:45 Calm Parenting toolkit: call to action, closing remarks, outtakes (Courtney’s star-struck comments)

Author, speaker and podcaster Rebecca George joins Courtney and Carley to discuss using talents to fulfill personal callings through connection to God, others and self. 

 

Call to Action: Practice obedience in our callings. “The outcome is His, the obedience is yours!” (Not sure what your calling is? Try creating a venn diagram to figure it out—discussed in this episode and in Rebecca’s book.)

 

 

Referenced Resources: 

 

“Do the Thing” (Rebecca’s new book!) https://www.amazon.com/Do-Thing-Gospel-Centered-Gumption-Go-Getter/dp/0830784357

 

Connect with Rebecca: 

https://www.radicalradiance.live

https://www.instagram.com/rebeccageorgeauthor/

 

Connect with Hey, Sister!

heysisterpodcast.org

https://www.instagram.com/theheysisterpodcast/

https://www.facebook.com/heysisterpodcast

 

Referenced Prior Episodes: 

Episode about the effect music has on us (Sound of Music // Maren Paris Cline)

https://heysisterpodcast.org/43-sound-of-music-maren-paris-cline/

 

 

Show Timeline: 

 

0:00 Show topic and guest introduction

 

3:15 Finding important connections—community within your work. Connections aren’t something else to do on your journey, it’s part of the journey!

 

8:15 Overcoming feelings of comparison and envy

 

12:15 Finding callings this side of Heaven; “what matters” Venn diagram discussion (What matters to God, others and me?)

 

21:00 Rebecca’s book info and concluding thoughts

Certified trauma support specialist, resiliency professional and life coach Tamara Lichfield joins Courtney and Carley to talk about establishing connections from a place of confidence. Tamara discusses post-traumatic growth, stepping outside of comfort zones, exercising integrity, and avoiding making assumptions. This episode is the third episode in a 3-part series about preparing to make lasting connections. Be sure to listen to Part 1 (“Emotional Self Check”) and Part 2 (“Sympathy, Empathy and Boundaries”) for the full message from Tamara.

 

 

Resources:

Connect with Tamara

Email: Becomingshatterproof@gmail.com

http://www.becomingshatterproof.us

https://www.facebook.com/becomingshatterproof/

 

Connect with Courtney and Carley 

 

heysisterpodcast.org

https://www.instagram.com/theheysisterpodcast/

https://www.facebook.com/heysisterpodca

 

Book referenced

The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom (a Toltec Wisdom Book) by Don Miguel Ruiz

 

 

Show Timeline: 

0:00 Guest and topic introduction (recap of parts 1 and 2)

 

4:40 What is your story? Healing wounded parts of your story. Post-traumatic growth. “Four agreements” overview. 

 

7:00 Agreement One: Be impeccable with your word. Agreement Two: Don’t take anything personally. Intent vs. impact. Positive self-talk vs. negative self-talk.  

 

12:15 Agreement Three: Don’t make assumptions. Cognitive fusion. Asking curiosity questions. Relational trauma: assumptive reality is shattered. 

 

19:00 Agreement Four: Always do your best whatever you’re pursuing. Stepping outside your comfort zone. 

 

21:45 Concluding thoughts

Life Coach Tamara Lichfield joins Courtney and Carley to teach the difference between sympathy and empathy, the symptoms of codependency and the format for setting boundaries. This episode is Part 2 of 3 within thse Connection Prep mini-series, airing April 2023. 

 

Referenced Quotes:

“I think so often, what people misunderstand about boundaries is that the point of setting them is not to change other peoples behavior or convince them to value different things – it’s to advocate for yourself, regardless of how they respond.”

• Daniell Koepke

 

"Agency is our superpower!"

• Tamara Lichfield

 

Referenced Resources:

The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman

 

Show Timeline: 

 

0:00 Guest and topic introduction; recap of Part 1

 

3:45 Sympathy vs. empathy

 

15:00 Codependency, areas and symptoms of codependency: 1) self-sacrifice, 2) tendency to focus on others’ needs, 3) a need for control, 4) difficulty recognizing and expressing emotion

 

22:00 Avoiding enmeshment and codependency by cultivating self-esteem and quality self-care

 

27:30 Boundaries: step 1—Define values (examples of values: family, success, faith and spirituality, honesty, affection, friendship, compassion, finances, appreciation, integrity)

 

33:00 Boundaries: step 2—Questions to consider when setting boundaries: 1) Do I have control to create the outcome I want? 2) Do I have control to create the outcome I want with some help? 3) Do I need to make a request to create the outcome I want? 4) Do I have zero control over the outcome?

 

38:15 Format for setting boundaries and examples: “If X occurs, then I will do Y”

 

43:00 Concluding thoughts and outtakes

 

Life coach Tamara Lichfield shares with sisters Courtney and Carley the basics of healthy connection—communication styles to avoid and listening strategies to incorporate. This episode is part 1 in a 3-part series with Tamara about preparing oneself to make healthy connections. 

 

Resources

Connect with Tamara 

• http://www.becomingshatterproof.us
• https://www.facebook.com/becomingshatterproof/

Connect with Courtney and Carley

• heysisterpodcast.org
• https://www.instagram.com/theheysisterpodcast/
• https://www.facebook.com/heysisterpodcast

 

Timeline

0:00 Introduction of guest expert and topic

 

4:00 Emotional check-in: self-regulation, expressing emotions including anger

 

12:00 Creating healthy connections—communications to avoid: criticism, defensiveness, contempt and stonewalling (plus antedates for each)

 

23:00 Parts of the brain: 1) Amygdala = primitive brain = survival brain = reptilian brain. 2) Prefrontal cortex = executive brain = logical brain. 

 

24:45 Healthy connection practices: listen more than you talk, make eye contact, watch for non-verbal cues, listen without judgment, be reflective, ask curiosity questions, keep body posture open, lean in, be comfortable with a little bit of silence, give undivided attention, be genuine with compliments and specific with praise 

 

28:00 Tangent about Win a Date with Tad Hamilton and the seven smiles

 

30:45 Final healthy connection practice (vulnerability), concluding thoughts, outtakes

New season, new focus, same sisterly spirit and banter! Join sisters Carley and Courtney for the first episode of Season 2 as they describe the over-arching theme for this season (connection), their recent life happenings and a recap of their most impactful lessons during Season 1. 

 

Resources

heysisterpodcast.org

https://www.instagram.com/theheysisterpodcast/

https://www.facebook.com/heysisterpodcast

https://www.basinclimbing.com — Carley’s new rock gym, coming soon to Waco, TX!

 

Referenced Episodes

Ep 14 Social Light with Hanalei Gene

Ep 30 Meme Girls with Rachel Homolak

Ep 42 Rub Some Dirt In It with Kathleen Mooney 

Ep 43 Sound of Music Maren Paris Cline

Ep 47 History is Her Story, too with Alli Roper

Ep 54 Safety First with Robyn Warner

 

 

Show Timeline

0:00 Welcome! Emphasis on connection for Season 2. Discussion about in-person and virtual connections. Upcoming monthly themes. Grand Canyon hiking!

 

9:00 Courtney’s life recap: chickens and homeschool. Favorite benefits of podcasting: sisterly connections, creativity outlet, personal growth. Impactful episodes: Ep 14 Social Light with Hanalei Gene, Ep 43 Sound of Music Maren Paris Cline and Ep 54 Safety First with Robyn Warner

 

15:45 Carley’s life recap: rock gym, home renovations (“sausage making process”) and getting a dog. Reflections on Season 1: loved the variety of topics and guest experts! Impactful episodes: Ep 47 History is Her Story, too! with Alli Roper, Ep 42 Rub Some Dirt In It with Kathleen Mooney (“chickens” tangent), Ep 30 Meme Girls with Rachel Homolak.

 

24:00 Most meaningful feedback: pause the episode to talk to a friend/sister. Concluding thoughts. Next week’s episode: preparing to make connections in your life.