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    44: Feedback Friday | How to Ease the Pain of Financial Anorexia

    en-usMay 18, 2018
    How can possessions influence our experiences and motivations?
    What are the benefits of becoming an Airbnb host?
    Why is communication important in maintaining relationships?
    What issues does the letter writer face in her relationship?
    How can one effectively set boundaries in relationships?

    • Owning exceptional possessions can inspire extraordinary experiencesInvesting in exceptional items like a snowboard, luxury car, or high-quality body care products can inspire new adventures and motivations, while turning a home into an Airbnb can bring in income and create memorable experiences for guests.

      Exceptional possessions can inspire us to do exceptional things. Whether it's a snowboard that convinced a beginner to tackle a mountain or a luxurious Lexus GX that opens up new possibilities, what we own can significantly impact our experiences and motivations. Similarly, turning a home into an Airbnb not only brings in extra income but also allows us to share our world with others and create memorable experiences for guests. And finally, investing in high-quality body care products can contribute to feeling and looking our best during summer adventures.

    • Shifting control from food to spendingOvercoming an eating disorder doesn't automatically eliminate related thought patterns and behaviors. Some individuals may find themselves controlling spending to the point of misery, which can stem from past struggles. Seek professional help or resources to address these patterns and learn healthier ways to approach spending and self-care.

      The patterns of restricting and controlling, which were once centered around food for someone dealing with an eating disorder, have shifted to controlling spending. This individual, who has successfully managed her eating disorder, now finds herself living frugally to the point of misery. She feels a sense of not deserving pleasure or luxury for herself, and every expenditure becomes a challenge. This behavior, which she recognizes may stem from her past struggles with anorexia, leaves her feeling restricted and unable to fully enjoy experiences with friends or even simple purchases for herself. It's essential to understand that overcoming one challenge doesn't necessarily mean the end of related thought patterns and behaviors. If you're dealing with similar issues, consider seeking professional help or resources like books and online communities to address these patterns and learn healthier ways to approach spending and self-care.

    • Seeking control through food: Understanding the root causeIndividuals with eating disorders often seek control through food due to feelings of worthlessness. Therapy can help them value themselves and find healthier ways to regain control.

      Restricting food or binging isn't just about the food itself, but rather a way to seek control in one's life. Feeling out of control is a common thread among individuals struggling with these behaviors. The root cause often lies in a lack of self-worth and a need to regain control. This issue may not disappear even if the food problem is resolved. To address the control issue, it's crucial to help individuals see their worth and value themselves more than material possessions. Therapy can be an effective tool for this. It's essential to encourage active steps towards self-improvement rather than passive ones, such as reading books. People with eating disorders may also substitute their disorder with other compulsive behaviors. Awareness of these potential substitutes can be helpful, but it's essential to ensure that the awareness doesn't lead to more micromanagement in their lives. Ultimately, individuals need to focus on their self-worth and find activities that make them feel good about themselves.

    • Friend's financial hoarding as a form of control or attentionUnderstanding the root cause of self-sabotaging behaviors, such as control or attention seeking, is crucial to breaking the cycle and seeking help.

      People often find themselves stuck in cycles of self-sabotage or caretaking due to various reasons, including a need for control or attention. In the first discussion, the speaker expresses sympathy for a friend who hoards money and restricts her spending, despite the negative impact it has on her own life and those around her. The friend may be using this behavior as a form of control or to gain attention. In the second discussion, a 21-year-old woman shares her struggle with caring for a psychotic mother while living in Mexico and feeling helpless to seek help. The hidden question seems to be about the possibility of moving out with her cousin. In both cases, it's clear that external intervention or support is necessary to break free from these patterns and improve the situation for all involved.

    • Seeking Help and Prioritizing Self-CareWhen overwhelmed with responsibilities or complicated relationships, seek help from family and resources, prioritize self-care, and maintain open communication for healthy relationships.

      When faced with overwhelming responsibilities or complicated relationships, it's essential to seek help and prioritize self-care. In the first scenario, a young woman is feeling trapped and guilty about caring for her aging parents with mental health issues while also trying to live her own life. The speaker suggests reaching out to family members for support and exploring available resources if necessary. In the second scenario, a woman is in a new, serious relationship but still maintains close friendships and works with her ex-boyfriend. The speaker emphasizes the importance of trust and open communication in the relationship, but also encourages setting boundaries and considering the potential impact of past relationships on current happiness and future goals. In both cases, the speaker emphasizes that it's important to prioritize personal well-being and seek help when needed.

    • Ex-couples' frequent interactions can cause insecurityMaintaining close friendships with exes, especially with frequent interactions, can create insecurity and mistrust in current relationships. Prioritize open communication to build trust and consider setting boundaries if necessary.

      Constant communication and frequent interactions between an ex-couple, especially if it involves one partner being excluded, can create feelings of insecurity and mistrust in the current relationship. The text suggests that the woman in question is maintaining a close friendship with her ex, which includes frequent hangouts, movies, and constant texting. While it's possible for exes to be friends, the frequency and intimacy of their interactions in this scenario raises red flags for the current partner. The lack of transparency and open communication about the nature of their friendship can lead to feelings of unease and uncertainty in the relationship. It's essential for both partners to prioritize open and honest communication to build trust and create a sense of safety in the relationship. If the ex-partner's presence continues to cause feelings of discomfort, it may be necessary to have a conversation about setting boundaries or considering whether the relationship is sustainable in its current form.

    • Effective Communication and Setting Boundaries in RelationshipsBe direct and honest with your partner about your feelings, practice self-awareness, and take action to address unspoken concerns or discomforts.

      Effective communication and setting boundaries are crucial in relationships. The speaker emphasized the importance of being direct and honest with your partner about your feelings, especially when there are unspoken concerns or discomforts. In the second part of the discussion, a woman shared her struggle with social anxiety and feeling awkward in social settings, despite having gained confidence in her professional life. The common thread between both conversations is the importance of self-awareness and taking action to address the issues, rather than letting them persist. For those struggling with social anxiety, the speaker suggested practicing approaches like approaching new people, joining social groups, and focusing on common interests as ways to build confidence and overcome feelings of awkwardness.

    • Overcoming feelings of impostor syndrome and low self-worthVisualize confidence, practice affirmations, recognize strengths, express emotions, set boundaries

      Confidence and self-worth can be a struggle for some individuals, especially when they step out of their familiar roles and scripts. This can lead to feelings of impostor syndrome and self-comparison, magnifying perceived weaknesses and causing anxiety in social situations. To overcome this, focusing on visualizing oneself as a confident person, practicing positive affirmations, and recognizing personal strengths can be helpful. Additionally, developing skills in expressing emotions and personal stories can help build connections and assertiveness in social situations. Lastly, being aware of and setting boundaries in unwanted interactions can be crucial in maintaining personal comfort and safety.

    • Recognizing and addressing unhealthy relationship dynamicsCommunication, understanding, and prioritizing self-worth are crucial in maintaining healthy relationships. Unhealthy behaviors, like inconsiderate actions and lack of transparency, can lead to feelings of undervaluation and frustration. Trust your instincts and prioritize emotional well-being when navigating such situations.

      It's important for individuals to prioritize their own worth and well-being, even if it means leaving situations or relationships that don't serve them positively. In the case of the letter writer, she's struggling to distinguish between rational and irrational reasons for being angry with her boyfriend. While she acknowledges his long hours at work and business travel, she feels undervalued due to his inconsiderate actions, such as being late to pick her up and staying out late without informing her. These behaviors, despite his reasons, have led her to question the value of their relationship and feel frustrated with his lack of transparency. It's essential to recognize that being busy is not an excuse for disrespectful behavior, and communication and understanding are crucial in maintaining healthy relationships. To navigate such situations, it's helpful to have clear standards and guidelines, but it's also essential to trust your instincts and prioritize your own emotional well-being. If the situation continues to cause distress and uncertainty, it may be necessary to reevaluate the relationship or seek outside advice.

    • Communication and setting boundaries are crucial in relationshipsTo maintain healthy relationships, communicate anger directly, set clear boundaries, and decide whether to continue in the relationship or not.

      Communication and setting boundaries are crucial in relationships. In the discussed situation, a woman is dealing with a self-centered partner who treats her as an option. Despite her growing anger, she continues to stay in the relationship and overthink the situation instead of communicating her feelings and setting clear boundaries. This pattern is exhausting and takes up a significant amount of her cognitive bandwidth. To move forward, she needs to be direct and communicate her anger, set boundaries, and decide whether she wants to continue in the relationship or not. It's essential to remember that allowing imbalanced patterns in relationships only reinforces them. Communication and setting boundaries are key to maintaining healthy and fulfilling relationships.

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      Mega Mod Master Sets from Gearwrench offer high-quality, easy-to-use tools with organized storage solutions and a lifetime warranty at an affordable price. Meanwhile, Osea's Mother's Day skin care sets provide clean, seaweed-infused products for healthy, glowing skin, with giftable boxes, savings, and free shipping for a limited time. For mechanics and DIY enthusiasts, Mega Mod Master Sets are an excellent investment. These tool sets deliver professional-grade tools, thoughtful storage solutions, and a hassle-free lifetime warranty, all for $1,000 less than expected. If you're looking for a Mother's Day gift, consider treating the special woman in your life to Osea's limited edition skin care sets. With nearly 30 years of experience, Osea creates clean, seaweed-infused products that nourish and brighten the skin. Their advanced eye care duo and Golden Glow Body Trio come in giftable boxes with savings up to $46 and free shipping, making them an ideal present. So, whether you're shopping for yourself or looking for a thoughtful gift, explore Mega Mod Master Sets and Osea's Mother's Day skin care sets today. Visit gearwrench.com and oseamalibu.com, respectively, to check availability and take advantage of these exclusive offers. And don't forget to use the code "mom" on your first Osea order for an additional 10% off site-wide.

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    20: There But for the Grace of Cryptocurrency Go I | Feedback Friday

    Jordan (@JordanHarbinger) and Jason (@jpdef) are back to banter every week and take your comments and questions for Feedback Friday on The Jordan Harbinger Show!

    If you want us to answer your question, register your feedback, or tell your story on one of our upcoming weekly Feedback Friday episodes, drop us a line at friday@jordanharbinger.com. Now, let's dive in!

    On This Week's Feedback Friday, We Discuss:

    • When your best friend had a romantic interest in you, you needed time to work on yourself. Now that you have those feelings for her, she's interested in someone else. What to do?
    • You keep dating people who tell you you're someone they would want to marry but not date. What is that supposed to mean?
    • Due to one unfortunate decision, you're broke and your best friend is a millionaire. How do you stop yourself from poisoning a long-term friendship with toxic jealousy or reverse the depressive spiral it's slowly throwing you into?
    • How can you focus on cultivating a more confident vocal tone when conversing in a language not your own?
    • Is it possible to get people interested in something they don't prioritize?
    • Is there room for a relationship with someone who's needy in the life of a true workaholic?
    • What do you do when your new wife says she's not sure she's turned on by you anymore?
    • Recommendation of the Week: Seeing Allred
    • A quick shoutout to Jane Miller and her son Bryce!
    • Have any questions, comments, or stories you'd like to share with us? Drop us a line at friday@jordanharbinger.com!
    • Connect with Jordan on Twitter at @JordanHarbinger and Instagram at @jordanharbinger, and check out Jason's (@jpdef) other show: Grumpy Old Geeks. You can also find him on Instagram at JPD.

    Sign up for Six-Minute Networking -- our free networking and relationship development mini course -- at jordanharbinger.com/course! 

    Like this show? Please leave us a review here -- even one sentence helps! Consider leaving your Twitter handle so we can thank you personally!

    Full show notes and resources can be found here.

    23: The College Guide to Surviving Mean Girls | Feedback Friday

    23: The College Guide to Surviving Mean Girls | Feedback Friday

    Jordan (@JordanHarbinger) and Jason (@jpdef) are back to banter every week and take your comments and questions for Feedback Friday on The Jordan Harbinger Show!

    If you want us to answer your question, register your feedback, or tell your story on one of our upcoming weekly Feedback Friday episodes, drop us a line at friday@jordanharbinger.com. Now, let's dive in!

    On This Week's Feedback Friday, We Discuss:

    • Having trouble listening to this podcast on Android or iOS? We recommend CastBox or PodcastOne.
    • Tips for someone with little to no self-control who procrastinates and is easily distracted.
    • Is it strange to take the last name of someone you're dating -- even if you're not in a hurry to get married?
    • What's our secret to reading so many books over the course of a week -- and do we recommend it for most people?
    • Tips for learning about a subject or topic in which you don't have a lot of experience.
    • Mean Girls and Heathers exist in college, too. How should you deal with these bantamweight bullies?
    • What's the best way to make plans with someone a few weeks after you've unintentionally blown them off?
    • Is there a way to prevent stumbling over your own words during important meetings or being caught off guard by a hallway conversation when you're mentally exhausted?
    • How can you add more self care to your self-imposed busy life?
    • Recommendation of the Week: LA92
    • Shoutouts to Ethel in the Philippines and Premysl Ciompa!
    • Have any questions, comments, or stories you'd like to share with us? Drop us a line at friday@jordanharbinger.com!
    • Connect with Jordan on Twitter at @JordanHarbinger and Instagram at @jordanharbinger, and check out Jason's (@jpdef) other show: Grumpy Old Geeks. You can also find him on Instagram at JPD.

    Sign up for Six-Minute Networking -- our free networking and relationship development mini course -- at jordanharbinger.com/course! 

    Like this show? Please leave us a review here -- even one sentence helps! Consider leaving your Twitter handle so we can thank you personally!

    Full show notes and resources can be found here.

    5: Faux Gravitas Your Way to Success | Feedback Friday

    5: Faux Gravitas Your Way to Success | Feedback Friday

    Jordan (@JordanHarbinger) and Jason (@jpdef) are back to banter every week and take your comments and questions for Feedback Friday on The Jordan Harbinger Show!

    If you want us to answer your question, register your feedback, or tell your story on one of our upcoming weekly Feedback Friday episodes, drop us a line at friday@jordanharbinger.com. Now, let's dive in!

    On This Week's Feedback Friday, We Discuss:

    • New beginnings! New excitement! New puppies! New levels of sleep deprivation!
    • Here's a trick to convey contemplation rather than grumpitude if you've got one of those resting faces.
    • How do you turn from a Fibbing Freddy into a Trustworthy Terry?
    • How do we prepare for a show? (If you're interested in the longer story, tell us!)
    • Do you like this show? Please tell your friends about it -- we're starting from scratch and need your help!
    • Why should a woman who has more in common with her boyfriend and his friends be forced to hang out with the girlfriend group at social occasions?
    • Sometimes people who are stuck in a rut don't even realize it. Is there a delicate way to tell them?
    • There's something to be said for having the confidence to make mistakes (or dress like a kangaroo at the bar) without being embarrassed.
    • Recommendation of the Week: Somm
    • Quick shoutouts to Rick Higgins, Eric Onesto, and George Taylor!
    • Have any questions, comments, or stories you'd like to share with us? Drop us a line at friday@jordanharbinger.com!
    • Connect with Jordan on Twitter at @JordanHarbinger and Instagram at @jordanharbinger, and check out Jason's (@jpdef) other show: Grumpy Old Geeks. You can also find him on Instagram at JPD.

    Sign up for Six-Minute Networking -- our free networking and relationship development mini course -- at jordanharbinger.com/course!

    Like this show? Please leave us a review here -- even one sentence helps!

    Full show notes and resources can be found here.

    110: Stop Financially Supporting Deadbeat Friends | Feedback Friday

    110: Stop Financially Supporting Deadbeat Friends | Feedback Friday

    Jordan Harbinger (@JordanHarbinger) and Jason DeFillippo (@jpdef) banter and take your comments and questions for Feedback Friday right here every week!

    If you want us to answer your question, register your feedback, or tell your story on one of our upcoming weekly Feedback Friday episodes, drop us a line at friday@jordanharbinger.com. Now, let's dive in!

    On This Week's Feedback Friday, We Discuss:

    • How do you know if you're making progress and on track to a better and brighter future if you feel underqualified and inadequate about so much of your life? How can you measure your growth?
    • Sometimes you try so hard to help your loved ones with their issues that you forget to help yourself. Support is close if you know where to find it -- here's where we suggest looking.
    • How do you keep yourself from falling back into old, obsolete patterns of behavior whenever you visit your friends in your old hometown? Aren't you better than that now?
    • You've been on Facebook for 14 years and have never weeded out friends you've only spoken to once in that entire time. Now you're applying to a job and notice one of your obscure connections is VP of the company. Is it tacky to contact them?
    • If you genuinely love networking and meeting new people, you might feel bad about having to turn down lunch with some of them because you just don't have as much time as you used to (especially when they turn into sales pitches in disguise). How do you retreat from these invitations politely?
    • If you're proud of your political activism in college, does it do any harm to bring it up when you're looking for a new job?
    • Should you give up all the guaranteed benefits of your long-term government job to pursue a shaky future in the private sector that could result in more money and reemergence of happiness from that fire and drive you once had, but at a time cost and a possibility of being released or fired and losing those needed benefits for your family?
    • Since returning to your hometown as a successful attorney making the big bucks, one of your friends seems to think you should pay for everything you do together because you make more money. What do you do?
    • Recommendation of the Week: Jon Levy's What Makes Us Influential? TED Salon Talk
    • A quick shoutout to Renee in Montana!
    • Tank's Good News: Nike Signs First Runner with Cerebral Palsy
    • Have any questions, comments, or stories you'd like to share with us? Drop us a line at friday@jordanharbinger.com!
    • Connect with Jordan on Twitter at @JordanHarbinger and Instagram at @jordanharbinger.
    • Connect with Jason on Twitter at @jpdef and Instagram at @JPD, and check out his other show: <a href="http://podcastone.com/grumpy-old-geeks"...

    60: Todd Kashdan | The Bright Truth about Your Dark Side

    60: Todd Kashdan | The Bright Truth about Your Dark Side

    Todd Kashdan (@toddkashdan) is a Professor of Psychology and Senior Scientist at the Center for the Advancement of Well-Being at George Mason University and co-author of The Upside of Your Dark Side: Why Being Your Whole Self -- Not Just Your "Good" Self -- Drives Success and Fulfillment.

    What We Discuss with Todd Kashdan:

    • Why trying to be positive and happy all the time may be harming your ability to get things done and achieve the results you want.
    • How what you may think of as negative emotions -- like anger -- can be useful superpowers with the proper awareness and application.
    • The problem with living in a time and place when distraction from discomfort comes in an easier and greater variety than ever before.
    • Why every decision you make now is based on how you expect to feel in the future -- and you probably underestimate your ability to tolerate distress.
    • How you can use the discomfort caveat to ease out of the "put on a happy face" rut around others.
    • And much more...

    Sign up for Six-Minute Networking -- our free networking and relationship development mini course -- at jordanharbinger.com/course! 

    Like this show? Please leave us a review here -- even one sentence helps! Consider including your Twitter handle so we can thank you personally!

    Full show notes and resources can be found here.

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