65. Imagine if the only person you had to impress was yourself

Podcast Summary

• Imagine impressing only yourself: Focusing on self-belief and self-acceptance can lead to less stress, more control, and greater personal fulfillment. Prioritize what you can control and maintain a positive mindset, even during challenging times.

  Focusing too much on impressing others at the expense of self-belief and self-acceptance can hinder personal growth and achievement. The speaker suggests that imagining if the only person we have to impress is ourselves can lead to a less stressful life, more control, and more time for things that truly matter. However, it's important to recognize the difference between healthy reasons for wanting to impress someone, such as striving for personal growth or building positive relationships, and unhealthy reasons, such as seeking validation or avoiding rejection. The speaker encourages listeners to prioritize self-belief and self-acceptance, which can ultimately lead to greater personal fulfillment and success. Despite personal challenges, such as longing for connection with loved ones during lockdowns, the speaker emphasizes the importance of focusing on what we can control and finding ways to maintain a positive mindset.

• Hiding parts of yourself can harm self-worth: Pretending to be someone else to impress others can lead to negative self-image and hinder personal growth.

  Trying to impress others by omitting parts of your true self can be detrimental to your self-worth. People often do this because they believe they aren't enough or don't have enough to offer in a given situation. This can manifest in various ways, such as acting differently around different people or trying to impress a crush. However, this behavior can lead to a negative self-image as it reinforces the idea that certain parts of yourself are unacceptable. Instead, focusing on impressing and making yourself proud can lead to personal growth and fulfillment. To break this cycle, identify where you do this the most and work on being true to yourself in those situations.

• The harm of not being authentic: Not being true to ourselves can lead to lack of fulfillment, personal growth, and even rejection, but embracing authenticity can result in greater self-confidence, personal growth, and fulfilling relationships.

  People often feel the need to hide their true selves from others to avoid rejection or discomfort. This behavior can stem from a lack of self-confidence or cultural influences. However, this tendency to pretend to be someone we're not ultimately does more harm than good. By not being authentic, we send ourselves the message that we're not good enough and prioritize others' opinions over our own reality. This can lead to a lack of fulfillment and personal growth. It's essential to recognize that not trying to impress someone is not selfish, and we can still be supportive friends and loved ones while staying true to ourselves. Embracing our authenticity may lead to initial discomfort or rejection, but in the long run, it will lead to greater self-confidence, personal growth, and fulfilling relationships.

• The need to be liked can create power imbalances: Being genuine and respectful builds stronger connections than seeking validation from others

  We have an innate desire to be liked by others, which can sometimes lead us to pretend to be someone we're not. However, this need to impress people can backfire and create power imbalances in relationships. Instead, focusing on being a good person and respecting others, while remaining true to ourselves, can help us build genuine connections. Some people may have a strong compulsion to be liked, leading them to cast a wide net and seek validation from multiple sources. Ultimately, it's essential to be mindful of our motivations for seeking approval and to strive for authentic, mutually respectful relationships.

• Impressing yourself is more rewarding than impressing others: Authentic self-expression and genuine connections lead to longer-lasting and more fulfilling impressions than trying to manipulate or deceive others for validation

  Impressing others for the wrong reasons, such as trying to fill a void of self-love or seeking validation in unauthentic ways, can lead to short-lived and unrewarding experiences. It's important to be authentic and true to oneself when trying to impress others, whether it be through actions or words. Impressing oneself, on the other hand, can lead to a more meaningful and long-lasting sense of self-worth and accomplishment. People who constantly seek validation from others through manipulation or deceit often have underlying issues with self-love and acceptance. Instead, focus on being true to yourself and making genuine connections with others. The highs and rewards of impressing others for the right reasons, such as expressing love and care, will last longer and be more fulfilling.

• Setting the standard for how others treat you: When you respect and impress yourself, others reciprocate and mirror your behavior, leading to long-term feelings of self-worth and confidence.

  Treating yourself with respect and prioritizing your own self-love sets the standard for how others treat you. When you respect and impress yourself, you create a positive cycle where others reciprocate and mirror your behavior. Conversely, if you don't respect yourself, others may not either. Impressing yourself leads to long-term feelings of self-worth and confidence, and doing things for yourself rather than others ensures authentic relationships. Shifting the focus to prioritize yourself leads to doing things for the right reasons and expanding on your own self-love. Ultimately, it's important to remember that you are the one who has to live with yourself, so making yourself a priority is essential for overall happiness and fulfillment.

• Be true to yourself and surround yourself with authentic people: Focusing on authenticity leads to meaningful connections and attractive relationships, allowing you to avoid unhealthy or superficial ones.

  Focusing on being true to yourself and surrounding yourself with authentic people will lead to meaningful connections and attractive relationships. People who are not meant for you will naturally not take up much space in your life. Those who are comfortable in their own skin and radiate authenticity have a magnetic energy that draws people in. By being yourself and vibing off others authentically, you can form deep connections and avoid wasting time on superficial or unhealthy relationships. So, pause and reflect on the people in your life who embody authenticity and strive to be one of them. This approach will not only lead to better relationships but also help you attract incredible ones.

• Embrace Authenticity to Attract Better Relationships: Being true to yourself is essential for forming meaningful relationships. Prioritize self-acceptance over pleasing everyone to attract better connections and become more magnetic.

  It's essential to be authentic and prioritize self-acceptance over trying to please everyone. Pretending to be someone else to gain approval from others will lead to a dull life and hinder the formation of meaningful relationships. Instead, focus on being true to yourself, and people will be naturally drawn to you. It's better to have one person who genuinely adores the real you than a multitude of people who like the fake version. By prioritizing self-acceptance, you'll become more magnetic and attract better relationships. Remember, it's okay to be yourself, even if that means being sarcastic or not the friendliest person in every situation. Identify when and with whom you tend to put too much emphasis on being liked and work on breaking that pattern. Ultimately, the most important relationship to focus on is the one you have with yourself.

• Identifying and acknowledging areas where you're not being true to yourself: Being authentic brings up feelings, but it's important to embrace your true self, even if it means changes or risks, and those who matter will support you.

  Being true to yourself and expressing your authentic self may bring up feelings of nervousness or fear, but it's important to identify and acknowledge these areas. Write down situations where you feel you're not being true to yourself or hiding aspects of yourself. Start being more conscious in the moment and ask yourself what you're avoiding and why. Initially, there might be pushback or strange reactions from others, but those who truly love and care for you will stay. People talk behind others' backs, and it's not a big deal as long as it's not harmful or malicious. Embrace your true self, even if it means making changes or taking risks, and remember that those who matter will be there to support you.

• Gossip is a normal part of social dynamics: Focus on self-expression and personal growth, rather than trying to please others or worrying about gossip

  People talking behind your back is a common occurrence and usually not a cause for concern. It's important to remember that the intentions behind gossip are often harmless and born out of boredom rather than malice. Focusing too much on what others may be saying about you can hinder personal growth and self-expression. Instead, embrace who you are and make decisions based on what makes you happy, rather than trying to please others. Remember, you cannot please everyone, and trying to do so would limit your individuality. By recognizing that gossip is a normal part of social dynamics, you can develop a thicker skin and feel more comfortable in your own skin. So, take a moment to reflect on how your life would be if you stopped worrying about what others think and started living authentically.

• Being true to yourself leads to greater freedom and authentic connections: Honor who you are, do things that make you feel good, respectfully disagree, be selective, and understand PTSD for authentic growth and healing

  Being true to yourself and honoring who you are can lead to greater freedom, happiness, and authentic connections. This means doing things that make you feel good, expressing your genuine humor, and respectfully disagreeing with others. It also means being selective about the people and situations you engage with, and not pretending to be someone you're not. While it may be uncomfortable at first, the benefits far outweigh the risks. Additionally, understanding and respecting the diagnosis of PTSD as outlined in the DSM-5 can help us better understand and support those who have experienced traumatic events. PTSD is a disorder that occurs after experiencing or witnessing a traumatic event, and symptoms must persist for over a month and cause significant distress in daily life. Symptoms can include avoidance of reminders, hyper-vigilance, intrusive thoughts, nightmares, and overall mood disorders. It's important to remember that everyone's experience with trauma and healing is unique, and support and understanding are key to recovery.

• Interpersonal trauma and childhood experiences increase the risk of PTSD: Trauma, especially interpersonal and childhood experiences, can lead to PTSD with symptoms including anxiety, depression, and difficulty processing memories. Susceptibility may be influenced by arousal and sleep regulation issues and problems with the endogenous opioid system. Treatment involves exposure therapy, group therapy, and proper coping strategies.

  While any traumatic event can lead to PTSD, interpersonal trauma such as violent attacks, muggings, or rape have a higher likelihood of causing the disorder. Childhood trauma and lack of proper coping mechanisms can also increase the risk. PTSD symptoms, including anxiety and depression, may not appear immediately but can last for months or even a lifetime. Good emotional and social support, as well as proper coping strategies, can help prevent the onset of PTSD. People with issues in arousal and sleep regulation, or problems with their endogenous opioid system, are more susceptible to developing PTSD. The hippocampus, which processes memories, may be smaller in people with PTSD, making it difficult for them to process traumatic memories properly and leading to ongoing flashbacks and nightmares. Treatment for PTSD, including exposure therapy and group therapy, can be challenging due to the nature of the disorder. Exposure therapy involves reliving traumatic memories with a therapist's help, while group therapy provides a safe space for individuals to connect with others who have experienced similar trauma.

• Effective Treatment for PTSD: Treat PTSD with a combination of therapy, medication, and lifestyle changes. Address it early to prevent worsening and self-medication. Remember self-care is crucial.

  PTSD is a complex condition that often requires a multifaceted approach to treatment. While therapy, particularly cognitive therapy, is key to addressing the underlying thought patterns and emotional responses, medication can also be beneficial in managing symptoms such as anxiety and depression. Group therapy can provide additional support and a sense of connection that may be lacking in personal relationships. It's important to address PTSD as early as possible to prevent it from worsening and leading to self-medication through substances, which can further complicate matters. Overall, the most effective treatment for PTSD involves a combination of therapy, medication, and lifestyle changes. Remember, taking care of your physical and mental health is crucial, so make sure to move your body, get outside, limit your screen time, and stay hydrated.