Codependummy Playlist #1: Part One

-What is the inner critic? 

-How can we stop listening to or warring with our inner critic?

-How can practicing self-compassion help us befriend our inner critic?

Welcome to Episode 165! This week, Rachel Koutnik, LCSW, is back to teach us all about the befriending our inner critic through self-compassion! In the episode, you’ll hear Rachel walk us through what the ‘inner critic’ is, how we may be codependent with our inner critic, and why that may contribute to our codependency in our relationships. Rather than combat or try to rid ourselves of our inner critic, Rachel suggests befriending it through the use of self-compassion. We conclude with tangible suggestions from Rachel on how to cultivate a self-compassion practice. It’s a must-listen!

Links for the show:

Sign up for the newsletter to receive all things codependummy: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497  

Journal! The Confiding Codependummy: 30 Days of Journaling Prompts for a Less-Codependent and More-Conscious YOU for just $1 a day. www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing 

FREEBIE! The Self-Validation Challenge: Learn to validate your GD self: www.codependummy.com/challenge 

Money! Funds! Help support the show via a one-time donation via secure Paypal link: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC 

Work with me! Email marissa@codependummy.com to inquire about psychotherapy, coaching, or coming on the show!

More on this week’s guest:

Rachel Koutnik, Licensed Clinical Social Worker, is a therapist in private practice working mostly online in Los Angeles and is licensed in both CA and IL. Her approach to therapy is both relational and holistic with a focus on helping adolescents, adults, couples and families repair attachment trauma while integrating healing for the mind, body and spirit. 

See Rachel on March 16 at the IOCDF Conference: https://iocdf.org/programs/conferences/ 

Check out Rachel’s website for her individual therapy and group offerings: www.rachelktherapy.com 

More deets on the episode: 

We begin with revisiting Rachel’s definition of codependency that she expands on through the lens of our relationship with ourselves. She describes how we look outside of ourselves for approval and reassurance and behave how we think others want us to be. 

Rachel opens up about codependency in her own life and how she has been more codependent in relationships where her ‘inner critic’ was more at the forefront of her mind. She recalls laughing when things were not funny, having physical intimacy when she wasn’t ready, and privileging the other person’s needs above her own. 

We shift focus to Rachel’s work to help her clients befriend their inner critic. She utilizes self-compassion, based off the work of Kristen Neff, that defines the practice as mindfulness and how we meet our suffering. Rachel defines self-compassion as developing a healthy relationship with suffering through loving, spacious awareness of all our parts. Rachel asserts how self-compassion helps us stop shaming ourselves while we heal which is a mandate to truly healing!

Rachel defines the ‘inner critic’ and shares how we can be just as codependent with this internal part as we are in our external relationships. In order to befriend our inner critic, Rachel asserts how we need to recognize it’s origin (how old is this part?) then engage in the reparative work: naming it, separating from it, using mindfulness, let compassion in, and provide compassion the way you might to a friend. 

We conclude with Rachel listing how we can check in with our bodies when using self-compassion: take turns being the observer, the self-compassionate part, and the inner critic part of us to give all three space. Then, to provide compassion, we can tune in to our breathing, provide soothing though, go through a body scan, engage in movement/exercise, and incorporate tapping via Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT). 

Thank you for coming on again Rachel! And thank you dear listener for listening!

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-How do codependents tend to relate (or not relate!) to their bodies?

-Why are our relationships better when we are more connected with our bodies?

-How can our boundaries improve if we pay better attention to our physical sensations?

Welcome to Episode 164! This week, I am joined by Jacqueline Richards-Shrestha, LPC, about how our codependency is reflected in our connection–or lack there of–to our bodies. In the episode, you’ll hear Jacqueline describe the ways codependents relate to their bodies which often fosters a disconnection as a consequence of ignoring, neglecting, or bypassing our physical sensations. Jacqueline suggests ways we can get in better touch with our bodies and how that improves both our relationships with others and our boundaries within those relationships. We conclude with suggestions from Jacqueline on how we can become ‘somatically curious’ to change our relationship with ourselves and others. It’s a must-listen!

Links for the show:

Sign up for the newsletter to receive all things codependummy: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497  

Journal! The Confiding Codependummy: 30 Days of Journaling Prompts for a Less-Codependent and More-Conscious YOU for just $1 a day. www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing 

FREEBIE! The Self-Validation Challenge: Learn to validate your GD self: www.codependummy.com/challenge 

Money! Funds! Help support the show via a one-time donation via secure Paypal link: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC 

Work with me! Email marissa@codependummy.com to inquire about psychotherapy, coaching, or coming on the show!

More on this week’s guest: 

Jacqueline is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Colorado and a Self- Love Coach world Wide. She is passionate about helping young adult & millennial women who struggle with body dissatisfaction and relationship anxiety build their confidence so they can have better relationships and live more fulfilling lives. She has developed the "5-Weeks To A Better Relationship With Your Body" Self- Love Coaching program to help women move beyond a mean, and maybe even abusive relationship with themselves, to one thats kind, loving, and healthy.

More deets on the episode: 

We begin with Jacqueline’s definition of codependency: when someone will self-abandon themself for another person. She describes how it begins via unconscious patterning early on–often preverbal between the ages of 0-1.5 or 2 years old.

Jacqueline opens up about codependency in her own life, including with her first boyfriend when she was 19-20 years old. She recalls how she was ‘so into him’ and how she eventually lost herself in the relationship as a consequence of abandoning herself to get high off his attention. 

We shift focus to Jacqueline’s specialty of our relationship with our bodies. She lists how codependents abandon themselves, neglect taking care of themselves, skip meals, ignore their bodies, which leads to the development of an inner critic, not feeling good enough, and losing our connection with our authentic self. 

Jacqueline asserts how “our bodies are awesome” and suggests how getting connected with our bodies can help us have better relationships. We learn to say “yes” when our body says ‘yes,’ and “no” when our body says ‘no.’ This leads to us being truthful and honoring what we want since we are ‘honoring our system.’

In order to notice your boundaries through your body, Jacqueline encourages incorporating a practice of listening to our bodies, our visceral reactions: a tightening stomach, discomfort, things ‘not feeling right,’ etc. She emphasizes how everyone’s body will speak to them in a UNIQUE WAY. So important to remember!

We conclude with the steps Jacqueline takes with her clients to help them improve their relationship with themself: be ‘somatically curious,’ start with awareness, slow down, see what comes up, and go from there. 

Thank you for coming on Jacqueline! And thank you dear listener for listening!

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-How can defining our values help us with poor boundaries?

-What’s the difference between our unconscious and conscious values?

-Once we know our values, how can that lead to our increased ability to express ourselves?

Welcome to Episode 163! This week, I am joined by Lauren Camacho for her second appearance on the podcast. We talk all about VALUES: the how, the why, and the what when it comes to getting in touch with yours. Lauren describes how values can help us when we are confronted with a big transition in life, when it comes to transforming our boundaries from unhealthy to healthy, and as a way to help us get in better touch with ourselves. Lauren shares about her approach with her clients to help them change their unconscious values (for example, comfort and safety) to conscious (for example, honesty and compassion) as a guide for challenges in life. It’s a must-listen!

Links for the show:

Sign up for the newsletter to receive all things codependummy: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497  

Journal! The Confiding Codependummy: 30 Days of Journaling Prompts for a Less-Codependent and More-Conscious YOU for just $1 a day. www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing 

FREEBIE! The Self-Validation Challenge: Learn to validate your GD self: www.codependummy.com/challenge 

Money! Funds! Help support the show via a one-time donation via secure Paypal link: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC 

Work with me! Email marissa@codependummy.com to inquire about psychotherapy, coaching, or coming on the show!

More on this week’s guest:

Lauren Camacho is a therapist, coach, and founder of her group practice, Anew Counseling and Wellness located in Covina, CA. Anew Counseling and Wellness serves adults, teens, and couples and strives to support them in healing, growing, and thriving so they can feel better and live better.

https://www.anewcounselingandwellness.com 

Be sure to contact Lauren on her website for a free therapy consultation!

More deets on the episode:

We begin with revisiting Lauren’s definition of codependency: taking or giving responsibility to someone or something else in order to meet our needs. She adds how codependents often do not get to know who they are, are unable to honor who they are, and then a piece of us (or all of us) gets lost. She emphasizes how we need to ask questions about what do we value, why we value it, and where are those values present (or not present) in our lives. 

Lauren opens up about feeling codependent during her recent venture in opening her group practice: “Someone decide for me please!” She reflects on how she yearned for someone else to make decisions for her rather than take on that responsibility herself. Sound familiar?!

We shift focus to the codependency Lauren often sees in her practice. One common observation with her clients is how codependent they become while going through a difficult stage in life. Lauren reflects how these patients often regress into codependent behavior where they rely on others, experience choas/overwhelm, get into survival mode, are disorganized, and lack an inner authority. 

Lauren expands on her observation of codependent clients feeling detached from themselves. She suggests that, in order to get to know ourselves, we need to start with journaling. We can answer questions like: how am I doing? Where am I feeling emotions in my body? What do I need? How do I need that need?

In order to create better boundaries, Lauren suggests getting in touch with our VALUES. Once we get in touch with our values, they will guide our boundaries and make it that much easier to set and maintain them. We conclude with hearing how our values can also help us face the times we fear getting rejected since we are in touch with why we are willing to be rejected. We conclude with a helpful reminder to be sure to recognize when your following your fear-based values versus your trust-based values. 

Thank you for coming on again Lauren! And thank you dear listener for being here!

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-What drives codependent behavior?

-What are the common reasons that make it hard to stop codependent behavior?

-How is codependent just as lethal as substance and alcohol addiction?

Welcome to Episode 162! This week, we are joined by Dr. Sarah Michaud, PsyD, who opens up about her own codependent recovery that she documents in her book, Co-Crazy. Dr. Sarah shares with us about her codependent recovery journey and her work with codependent women. She describes where codependent behavior comes from and the factors that make it so difficult to stop the behaviors. We explore how codependency is just as lethal as other addictions like substance use and alcoholism and conclude with hearing why this makes Dr. Sarah so passionate about this work. It’s a must-listen!

Links for the show:

Sign up for the newsletter to receive all things codependummy: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497  

Journal! The Confiding Codependummy: 30 Days of Journaling Prompts for a Less-Codependent and More-Conscious YOU for just $1 a day. www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing 

FREEBIE! The Self-Validation Challenge: Learn to validate your GD self: www.codependummy.com/challenge 

Money! Funds! Help support the show via a one-time donation via secure Paypal link: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC 

Work with me! Email marissa@codependummy.com to inquire about psychotherapy, coaching, or coming on the show!

More on this week’s guest:

Dr Sarah Michaud is a psychologist who has worked with clients with addiction issues for over 30 years, She has also been sober herself for almost 40 years…she considers her codependency recovery the post important missing piece to her finally finding freedom and liberation over the last 20 years.

www.drsarahmichaud.com 

https://www.youtube.com/@leavingcrazytown → Be the first of 5 people to subscribe to her youtube channel, email leavingcrazytownshow@gmail.com, and get a free copy of her book!

More deets on the episode: 

We begin with Dr. Sarah’s definition of codepdnency: the inability to be with yourself. Codependents cannot speak up, set boundaries, and have an inability to be and know their true self. This leads to feeling exhausted, lost, enraged, detached, and an inabilityt to have true relationships. 

Dr. Sarah opens up about codependency in her own life, including with her father, first husband, and son. She contrasts these anecdotes by sharing about an interaction with her son after she began recovery and how she offered him support, encouragement, and acceptance. What a transformation!

Dr. Sarah suggests where codependent behavior comes from: simplistically, from the lack of knowing yourself. As children, we learn to get what we need and codependents do that indirectly through meeting the needs of others. Codependent behavior is driven by our lack of a sense of self. 

We explore what makes it so hard to stop codependent behavior: it’s uncomfortable, we fear changing our behavior will lead to pain and abandonment, the patterns are so automatic, it takes risk to make changes in our relationships, we have to value ourselves over our relationships, and we fear that we will be perceived as mean and selfish. 

Dr. Sarah is so passionate about this work since she believes that codependency is just as lethal as any addiction. She has witnessed what happens when people don’t take care of themselves and it leads to the same outcomes as addiction: physical and mental suffering. In order to help those who want freedom from codependency, Dr. Sarah wrote her book, Co-Crazy, which is part memoir and part roadmap to recovery. 

Thank you for being here Dr. Sarah! And thank you for listening dear listener!

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-How do codependents often switch from people-pleasing to controlling others?

-Where does our desire to control others come from?

-What can we do to let go of our need to control?

Welcome to Episode 161! Kelli Younglove is back for a deeper look at two common sides of codependency: people-pleasing and controlling others. Kelli opens up about her own experiences being a controlling codependent and how this contributed to her poor boundaries. We discuss where these poor boundaries, people-pleasing, and controlling behaviors come from. The episode concludes with Kelli sharing about all the work she has done to address her poor boundaries and how that led her to creating her boundary course. It’s a must-listen!

Links for the show:

Sign up for the newsletter to receive all things codependummy: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497  

Journal! The Confiding Codependummy: 30 Days of Journaling Prompts for a Less-Codependent and More-Conscious YOU for just $1 a day. www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing 

FREEBIE! The Self-Validation Challenge: Learn to validate your GD self: www.codependummy.com/challenge 

Money! Funds! Help support the show via a one-time donation via secure Paypal link: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC 

Work with me! Email marissa@codependummy.com to inquire about psychotherapy, coaching, or coming on the show!

More on this week’s guest:

Kelli Younglove is a Consciousness Coach who teaches her clients a kinder, gentler way to work with their anxiety so they can silence the voice of the harsh inner critic, release stress, and show up in their lives as their happy, confident selves.  She's also the creator of the boundary course: Creating the Container of YOU— a self-study e-course that teaches boundary fundamentals for people pleasers and controllers.

Kelli’s first interview on the podcast: https://codependummy.com/the-basics-of-boundaries-with-kelli-younglove/ 

Kelli’s course: https://courses-kelliyounglove.thinkific.com/courses/boundaries-creating-the-container-of-you 

Receive a free admission to her course by emailing Kelli: kelli@kelliyounglove.com 

https://www.facebook.com/youngloveinc/ 

More deets on the episode: 

We begin by revisiting Kelli’s definition of codependency and she adds how we “need the hit of approval, that rush that I am okay and alright since others are okay with me.” She emphasizes how codependents are left feeling insecure and scared since they are always looking outside of themselves to feel okay. 

Kelli reflects on codependency in her own life and reflects on a boyfriend from her early 20s. She recalls how she was controlling since she feared he would leave her by guilting him, giving him the silent treatment, via emotional blackmail, punishment, threats, and acting like a bully. Sound familiar?

We explore how codependents, despite being such people-pleasers, are controlling as well. This results in us swinging from one extreme to the other due to our lack of inner boundaries. 

Kelli suggests that these roles of people-pleasing and control are rooted in the human struggle for survival! This evolved into the struggle for power and we attempt to control as a survival strategy. In order to combat this, Kelli highlights how we need to switch from fear to better awareness and relate to others in a new way–not from a one up, one down position–but as equals. 

We conclude by hearing about Kelli’s journey to create healthy boundaries in her own life which began in 2002 and how that culminated in her creating her boundary course after decades of study! 

Thanks for coming on Kelli! And thank you for being here, dear listener!

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-What are the common self-defeating thoughts of codependents?

-What is the SNAP method and how can it help change your mindset?

-How can changing our mindset lead to more joy, self-love, and self-care?

Welcome to Episode 160! This week, I’m joined by Joyologist Coleen Greco to unpack the connection between our mindset and our codependency. Coleen shares with us about the common self-defeating thoughts that codependents have, for example, “I can never do anything right.” She shares the negative impact these self-defeating thoughts can have on us then provides ways we can begin to combat them. You’ll hear Coleen share about the SNAP method and how it can be used to promote our healing from codependency. We also explore how changing our mindset can help bring more joy, self-care, and self-love in our lives. It’s a must-listen!

Links for the show:

Sign up for the newsletter to receive all things codependummy: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497  

Journal! The Confiding Codependummy: 30 Days of Journaling Prompts for a Less-Codependent and More-Conscious YOU for just $1 a day. www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing 

FREEBIE! The Self-Validation Challenge: Learn to validate your GD self: www.codependummy.com/challenge 

Money! Funds! Help support the show via a one-time donation via secure Paypal link: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC 

Work with me! Email marissa@codependummy.com to inquire about psychotherapy, coaching, or coming on the show!

More on this week’s guest: 

Coleen Greco is a Joyologist helping people feeling amazing in their own skin and remove limiting beliefs so they are able to maximize their full potential.

Download her free ebook: CRUSH Limiting beliefs: https://coleen-greco-joyologist.ck.page/limitingbeliefs 

www.coleengreco.com 

IG: https://www.instagram.com/thecoleengreco/ 

Facebook: https://facebook.com/thecoleengreco 

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/coleengreco/ 

More deets on the episode:

We begin with hearing Coleen’s definition of codependency: needing someone or something versus wanting someone or something. This ‘something’ can be another person, food, alcohol, etc. Coleen highlights how codependency ties into our ability, or inability, to be self-sufficient. 

Coleen opens up about codependency in her own life, including how she was codependent with food and alcohol after her son’s suicidal attempt. Coleen emphasizes how it started out so innocently, as do most codependent relationships, and then it led to dysfunction. She also recalls times when she has been codependent with her coaching clients where she went above and beyond when they weren’t even committed to the process. 

Coleen lists common self-defeating thoughts of codependents: I am not good enough, I will do this for others…in order to…, I am not worthy, I can never do anything right, and I don’t have time for myself. In order to begin improving our mindset, Coleen emphasizes journaling. 

In her work as a joyologist, Coleen helps bring joy to her clients lives which codependents often lack. She distinguishes how joy is based on internal validation and how we can have inner peace, know we are okay, and feel in control of our lives since we are rooted within. 

Coleen walks us through the SNAP Method: Stop, Notice, Accept, and Practice Gratitude. She adds how the SNAP Method plus getting our nutrition in order, incorporating physical fitness, and addressing our mindset can help us have more joy, self-care, and self-love in our lives. 

Thank you for coming on Coleen! And thank you for listening dear listener!

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-How can body work help treat our anxious attachments?

-What is a ‘secure attachment’ and how can we promote that through our bodies?

-In addition to talk therapy, how can body work help promote our healing?

Welcome to Episode 159! This week, Randi Kofsky, LMFT, is back! Randi is here to revisit the theme of body work and how it can promote our healing from codependency. In the episode, you’ll hear Randi share about the connection between codependency and anxious attachment and how body work can help combat anxiety while fostering a secure attachment within ourselves. Randi lays out how body work can help address anxiety and how she walks her clients through a typical session to get in touch with where their anxiety is stored in the body in order to work through it. We conclude with what you can do before, during, and after a body work session if you choose to add it as a much-needed adjunct to your psychotherapy. It’s a must-listen!

Links for the show:

Sign up for the newsletter to receive all things codependummy: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497  

Journal! The Confiding Codependummy: 30 Days of Journaling Prompts for a Less-Codependent and More-Conscious YOU for just $1 a day. www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing 

FREEBIE! The Self-Validation Challenge: Learn to validate your GD self: www.codependummy.com/challenge 

Money! Funds! Help support the show via a one-time donation via secure Paypal link: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC 

Work with me! Email marissa@codependummy.com to inquire about psychotherapy, coaching, or coming on the show!

More about this week’s guest: 

Randi Kofsky is a licensed marriage and family therapist based in Santa Monica, California. She offers dynamic and experiential therapy that is attachment and trauma-oriented as well as body-informed and, at times, therapeutic touched informed. 

www.innerrichestherapy.com 

www.innerwavebodywork.com 

Randi’s original interview on the podcast: https://codependummy.com/body-ody-ody-work-how-bodywork-can-help-you-heal-with-randi-kofsky-lmft/ 

More deets on the episode:

We begin with revisiting Randi’s definition of codependency as well as a codependent experience from her own life. She expands on her definition of codependency to include how we reference something outside of us to feel better on the inside. 

We shift focus to Randi’s specialty of body work. In relation to massage, body work is when you integrate touch and massage with a focus on where emotions are felt in the body. For example, if a patient comes in feeling anxious, Randi may ask them where they sense that in their body and massage/touch/tend to that part of them–potentially for the entire session! Or, she may begin with a focus on a specific area, like the lower back, and then follow the patient’s lead if they start to sense their anxiety moving up their spine.

Randi describes for us how body work can help promote our secure-attachment since we become attuned to where we hold emotions, unpack what is happening anatomically, and become familiar with our trigger points and how to take care of them. Randi suggests when we hold anxiety in a certain part of our body, “There is something being held here” to work through. 

Randi lists what we can expect and best prepare for a body work session, including before, during, and after the session. She emphasizes how, in addition to therapy, body work can provide a full-body exploration to connect our body and our thoughts. 

Thank you for coming on the show Randi! And thank you dear listener for listening!

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-What is self-compassion and how can it help heal from codependency?

-What are the basic elements of a self-compassion practice?

-How is self-compassion not self-indulgence, self-pity, or self-esteem?

Welcome to Episode 158! This week, I’m back after a short break to tell you all about SELF-COMPASSION. You’ll hear me define what self-compassion is and how creating a self-compassion practice can help us heal from our codependency. I will also break down the three basic elements of self-compassion: mindfulness, common humanity, and self-kindness. I end with a discussion on what self-compassion is NOT: it is not self-indulgence, self-pity, nor self-esteem. If you’re wanting and needing to be kinder to yourself, be sure to listen to this episode!

Links for the show:

Sign up for the newsletter to receive all things codependummy: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497  

Journal! The Confiding Codependummy: 30 Days of Journaling Prompts for a Less-Codependent and More-Conscious YOU for just $1 a day. www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing 

FREEBIE! The Self-Validation Challenge: Learn to validate your GD self: www.codependummy.com/challenge 

Money! Funds! Help support the show via a one-time donation via secure Paypal link: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC 

Work with me! Email marissa@codependummy.com to inquire about psychotherapy, coaching, or coming on the show!

More deets on the episode:

I begin with an honest apology for not airing an episode for the last 3 weeks! This solocast was originally set to air on Christmas Day and, evidently, my pregnancy and life got in the way! But I’m here now! And practicing compassion with myself for taking a while to get this episode up. 

We have a brief check in to help you reflect on how you are doing. 

Next, we dive in to the world of Self-Compassion, which is largely based on my research of the work by Kristen Neff. I break down the discussion of self-compassion in 3 parts:

1. What is Self-Compassion?

2. What are the 3 basic elements of self-compassion:

   1. Self-kindness versus self-judgment. 

   2. Common humanity versus isolation

   3. Mindfulness versus over-identification

3. What is NOT self-compassion. It is NOT:

   1. Self-esteem

   2. Self-indulgence

   3. Self-pity

I conclude the episode with specific ways you can start to practice self-compassion this week: 

1. Remind yourself of the 3 basic elements: common humanity, mindfulness, and self-kindness. 

2. Listen to one of Kristen Neff’s meditations: http://self-compassion.com/ (go to the Practices page)

3. Review a difficult event through the lens of self-compassion. 

Thank you for listening! 

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-What does codependency look like in women attempting to date outside their culture?

-How can codependency with your family prevent you from dating outside your culture (and what are the short- and long-term consequences?)

-If you do date interculturally, what should you be prepared to navigate from the reactions/response from your family?

Welcome to Episode 157! This week, I’m joined by Noura Bermudez, LMFT, to explore codependency in women who date outside their culture (a.k.a. dating interculturally). Noura opens up about her own experience being codependent with her father and what that relationship was like to navigate when she started to date (and eventually marry!) outside her culture despite his disapproval. Noura describes what codependency looks like in women and their families when they begin to attempt to date interculturally and the consequences of this. You’ll hear Noura list what women should be prepared to navigate if their families respond with judgment, shame, prejudice, and threats to disown them. We conclude with steps you can take to cultivate your own autonomy in these situations. It’s a must-listen!

Links for the show:

Sign up for the newsletter to receive all things codependummy: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497  

Journal! The Confiding Codependummy: 30 Days of Journaling Prompts for a Less-Codependent and More-Conscious YOU for just $1 a day. www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing 

FREEBIE! The Self-Validation Challenge: Learn to validate your GD self: www.codependummy.com/challenge 

Money! Funds! Help support the show via a one-time donation via secure Paypal link: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC 

Work with me! Email marissa@codependummy.com to inquire about psychotherapy, coaching, or coming on the show!

More on this week’s guest:

Noura Bermudez is a mindfulness-based therapist who helps women in intercultural relationships experiencing rejection and/or disownment by their parents, live authentically and confidently with the choices they have made about dating. Has experience working with Middle Eastern women with immigrant parents. Practicing therapy for 10 years and has a private practice in CA. 

www.bermudeztherapy.com 

www.instagram.com/bermudeztherapy/ 

More deets on the episode: 

We begin with hearing Noura’s definition of codependency: when someone has to sacrifice their authenticity to have or maintain a connection. Seen when someone disowns themselves or a part of themselves, disowns their needs for something the want–love, approval, affection, etc. Noura emphasizes how there is a perk or benefit to our codependency–we just usually aren’t conscious of it. 

Noura opens up about codependency in her own life, including in her relationship with her father. She describes growing up and trying to meet his expectations and standards as a Muslim. This led to her keeping her dating life a secret from him since she dated outside her Muslim and Middle Eastern culture. She ended up marrying outside her culture and, while this put a strain on her relationship with her father, she was eventually able to heal it by putting intentional distance in their relationship and through conversations. 

We shift gears to Noura’s specialty: dating interculturally! She describes what codependency with family can look like in women who date outside their culture: living a secret life, hiding, secrecy, yearning for her family’s approval, not feeling okay until the parents’ feel okay, strain in the relationship, feelings like resentment, and attempts to convince/negotiate with family to approve of their partner. Sounds like My Big Fat Greek Wedding, yes???

Noura lists the short- and long-term consequences of codependency in these women, including sadness, a sense of grief, abandonment, underlying unhappiness, and attempts to conform to the family’s expectations by dating within the culture. Noura’s opinion: codependency and conforming with family’s expectations is not sustainable. 

Noura encourages women who want to date outside their culture to prepare for their family having their own reaction, getting in touch with their values and their ‘why,’ leaning on their support system, and inviting conversations. For the harsher realities like racism, prejudice, and disownment that may come when attempting to date outside one’s culture, Noura encourages seeking professional help, setting boundaries, and cultivating one’s own autonomy. 

We conclude with Noura emphasizing how radical acceptance, intentional distance, and having conversations with family can help the most in these situations. 

Thanks for coming on Noura! And thank you for being here, dear listener!

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See you next week! 

-How were you a codependummy this past year? And how weren’t you?

-What are your takeaways/lessons learned from your codependency in 2023?

-What’s Marissa been up to since she last recorded a solocast in January?!

Welcome to Episode 156! This week, it’s me–your hostess mostest–back to share about my reflections on ways I was and wasn’t a codependummy in 2023. We start with a few announcements (one is very exciting!) and then check-in with how you are doing. I then reflect on 2023 and ways I did a decent job setting boundaries, honoring my needs, and taking care of myself despite my old codependent patterns. I articulate takeaways thanks to the progress and growth and hope that I model for you how you too can reflect on 2023 and your own codependency this past year. It’s a must-listen!

Links for the show:

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Work with me! Email marissa@codependummy.com to inquire about psychotherapy, coaching, or coming on the show!

More deets on the episode:

We begin with our old and familiar check in. How you doing boo?

I make a few announcements. So exciting!

Then I share some anecdotes from 2023 that demonstrate how I was a codependummy (at times) and ways I was not (the majority of the time. Yay!). You’ll hear how I navigated self-consciousness with my health, firing my former therapist, dealing with a family member’s mental health crisis, and planning a celebration for myself. 

I list the takeaways from these experiences and hope it serves as a model for you: how have or haven’t you been a codependummy this year? What do those interactions/experiences say about you and your overall progress? What takeaways have you made in 2023?

I share how I’ll likely be recording some more solocasts in the near future as I was graced with so many guests earlier this year and now…not so many. 

Mother yourself baby girl! I’ll see you next week! 

PLEASE:

Rate. 

Review.

Subscribe. 

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We need more ratings on Spotify! TY!

www.codependummy.com