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    Craig Melton on DATING!!! – with Logan Ury

    enJune 16, 2023

    Podcast Summary

    • Prioritizing baby's delicate skin with Pampers Swaddlers diapers and wipesPampers Swaddlers diapers absorb better and offer 100% leak protection, while their free and gentle wipes are made from 100% plant-based cloth and are tear-resistant, ensuring gentle care for babies' skin.

      When it comes to taking care of a baby, it's important to prioritize their delicate skin, and Pampers Swaddlers diapers and free and gentle wipes are recommended for gentle protective care. Pampers Swaddlers diapers absorb wetness better than the leading value brand and offer 100% leak proof skin protection, keeping babies' skin dry, healthy, and beautiful. The wipes are made from 100% plant-based cloth and are tear-resistant. For adults, 3rd love bras aim to solve common problems, such as size exclusivity and guessing what bra fits, with their half cup sizes, virtual fitting room, and helpful resources. Craig Melton, a guest on the podcast, shares his current dating situation, having been dating someone for three months and finding it more natural to meet people organically. He reflects on the evolution of dating since the apps came into existence and the importance of getting to know someone without filters.

    • Reflecting on Past RelationshipsRecognizing patterns and opportunities for growth from past relationships requires self-reflection and adaptability.

      Being open-minded and reflective about past relationships can help identify patterns and opportunities for growth. The speaker recognized that they had a tendency to end relationships over small issues, possibly due to a desire for perfection after a long-term marriage. They identified that this approach may have been too picky and unrealistic. The speaker also acknowledged that their environment and personal circumstances, such as geographic location and personal beliefs, played a role in their relationship choices. Reflecting on past experiences, they recognized some instances where breaking up may have been unnecessary or situational. Overall, the speaker's self-reflection highlights the importance of learning from past relationships and being willing to adapt and compromise in future partnerships.

    • Understanding yourself and what you want in a partnerChoose a partner with whom you can communicate and compromise, accepting that every relationship has its challenges

      Being ready for a serious relationship after a divorce or at an older age involves understanding who you are and what you want in a partner, even if it means dealing with certain imperfections. Craig shared his personal experience of being ready to settle down after some time of dating in Los Angeles, acknowledging the exhaustion of dating but also the excitement of finding someone to share his life with. He emphasized the importance of communication and compromise in relationships, recognizing that every relationship has its problems and that it's essential to choose a set of issues that can be lived with rather than seeking a perfect partner. The Gottman's research on perpetual problems in relationships was also mentioned as a helpful perspective, emphasizing the importance of accepting and coping with the inevitable challenges in a relationship.

    • Distinguishing Between Pet Peeves and Deal BreakersAs we grow older, we learn to distinguish between pet peeves and deal breakers in relationships, focusing on essential compromises and personal growth.

      As we navigate relationships, it's important to distinguish between pet peeves and deal breakers. In our twenties, we may view relationships like a startup, where we figure things out together. But as we get older, it's more like a merger between two fully formed individuals. This means compromises are necessary, and it's essential to decide what we're willing to compromise on and what we're not. It's empowering to remember that we get to choose the particular problems we're willing to live with in a relationship. Over time, we may evolve and understand what we truly want and don't want. The speaker has been on a journey of self-discovery, recognizing that consistency and respect for each other's time are essential in a relationship. It's a delicate balance of understanding what we can accept and what we can't, just as we would delicately care for a baby.

    • Pampers offers gentle protective care for babiesPampers Swaddlers diaper ensures superior absorption and leak proof protection, while their Free and Gentle wipes are made from 100% plant-based cloth for gentle cleansing.

      When it comes to taking care of your little one, Pampers is the recommended brand for gentle protective care. Their Swaddlers diaper offers superior wetness absorption and 100% leak proof protection, keeping your baby's skin healthy and beautiful. Additionally, Pampers Free and Gentle wipes, made from 100% plant-based cloth, ensure gentle cleansing without tearing. Craig, in the conversation, expressed a desire for deeper connections in his personal life. To make the right decision in relationships, it's important to be clear about what you want and how the other person fits into your vision for your life. Craig desires a partner who is easygoing, adaptable, and up for anything, just as he is. It's important to find someone who complements your personality and allows for a natural flow in the relationship. Being a people pleaser can sometimes mean taking on the dominant role in a relationship, so it's essential to be clear about your desires and find a partner who respects and supports them.

    • Focus on long-term compatibility in relationshipsConsider if your partner can be your teammate, celebrate your growth, and respond positively to your feelings and intentions for a fulfilling future.

      In relationships, it's essential to consider if the person can be your teammate and someone who celebrates your growth and authenticity. Instead of focusing on small issues, think about the long-term compatibility. For instance, being open to trying new roles in the relationship, such as being the planner, can lead to more fulfilling experiences. Additionally, being direct with your feelings and intentions is crucial for building a strong connection. This can be tested early in dating by observing how the other person responds when you express your desires and have different opinions. Through intentionality, openness, and honesty, you can create a beautiful future with your partner, even with the involvement of co-parenting.

    • Navigating co-parenting in datingEffective communication and openness are vital when dating someone with co-parenting responsibilities. Introductions to children may occur earlier and relationships require extra effort to ensure compatibility.

      Co-parenting brings unique challenges to dating. When entering a new relationship, one is not just dating the individual but also their ex and children. This can be intimidating, especially for those without co-parenting experience. Communication and open-mindedness are crucial in these situations. Introductions to children may occur earlier now, as they can serve as a barometer for compatibility. Co-parenting also means taking the time to find the right match, as the relationship extends beyond just the couple. While dating with co-parenting complications may be more difficult, the resulting bond can be stronger and more integrated.

    • Understanding the importance of honesty and comfort in relationshipsBeing upfront about feelings and valuing emotional honesty fosters genuine growth and understanding in relationships.

      Honesty and comfort are crucial elements in building and maintaining relationships. Craig shared an experience where he felt misled on a date, leading him to appreciate when people are upfront about knowing each other. Logan introduced the "wardrobe test" question, which helps get to the heart of how someone truly feels about a relationship by eliciting a gut reaction. The answers can reveal the comfort, authenticity, and spontaneity that are essential for a healthy and growing connection. Ultimately, the Pod Squad emphasizes the importance of staying true to oneself and valuing the emotional honesty that fosters genuine growth and understanding in relationships.

    • Finding the right fit in therapy and datingA good therapist fit includes comfort, feeling heard, and affordability, while an effective dating profile showcases uniqueness and engaging content.

      Finding the right person to share deep thoughts and feelings with, like a therapist, is crucial. Alma, a platform that helps find a therapist based on individual needs, emphasizes the importance of a good fit. This includes comfort, feeling heard, and affordability, with over 96% of therapists accepting insurance. In the realm of online dating, having an accurate and engaging profile is essential. Craig's profile, with clear headshots and a sense of humor, was praised. However, Logan suggested focusing on what makes you unique and what dating you would be like, using prompts like "My typical Sunday" and "2 truths and a lie." These strategies can help potential matches determine if they want to get to know you better, saving time and energy for both parties.

    • Be specific and authentic in your profile to attract meaningful connections.Focus on attracting people with similar intentions by being specific in your profile. Avoid using beige flags and meet the real person as soon as possible to build a genuine connection.

      To increase the chances of finding meaningful connections online, focus on attracting people with similar intentions and be specific about your profile instead of trying to appeal to everyone. This approach can help filter out unqualified matches and make your profile stand out. Additionally, don't delay meeting up in person or creating a fantasy image of someone in your head, as this can lead to disappointment. Instead, meet the real person as soon as possible to build a genuine connection. Another interesting concept discussed was the idea of beige flags - common cliches on dating profiles that can make you blend in with the crowd or even be disqualified. To stand out, be specific and authentic in your profile, and avoid using beige flags.

    • Expand dating app filters for more compatible matchesBe open-minded and consider expanding dating app filters beyond age for increased chances of finding compatible partners. Authenticity is crucial, use video chats to identify potential red flags.

      Just like filtering your home search on real estate websites, filtering your dating app preferences can limit your potential matches. The speaker encourages expanding your dating app filters, particularly regarding age, to increase the chances of finding compatible partners. Additionally, the importance of authenticity in online dating was discussed, suggesting video chats as a solution to potentially identifying unauthentic or unavailable individuals. In both dating and home buying, it's essential to be open-minded and consider all factors, not just the surface-level details.

    • Exploring authentic connections through video chats in online datingConsidering video chats early in online dating can help determine mutual interest and compatibility, save time, and lead to more authentic connections. Also, remember to consider the impact on family dynamics before introducing a new partner.

      Incorporating video chats into the early stages of online dating can lead to more authentic connections and save time. The speaker shares that video chats have become more socially acceptable during the pandemic, and they can help determine if there's mutual interest and compatibility before meeting in person. Another key point is the importance of considering the impact of a potential partner on one's family dynamic. The speaker emphasizes the significance of their family in their life and how they would consider their children's and ex-spouse's reactions when considering a new relationship. Ultimately, the speaker believes that a successful relationship involves integrating the partner into their entire life, not just as an individual, but also as part of their family and community.

    • Understanding Yourself and Being Open-Minded in DatingReflect on past patterns, stay open to diverse types, and evaluate feelings after a date for successful relationships.

      When it comes to dating, it's important to know yourself, be open-minded, and pay attention to how you feel after a date. First, take the time to understand your past patterns and identify your dating tendencies. Second, don't limit yourself to one type of person, but rather be open to dating someone who challenges you and brings out the best in you. Lastly, after a date, reflect on the experience and ask yourself how the other person made you feel. By focusing on these aspects, you'll be better equipped to find a meaningful and fulfilling relationship. Additionally, following or subscribing to the We Can Do Hard Things podcast, giving it a positive review, and sharing an episode with a friend are all ways to support the show and ensure you never miss an episode.

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    • 03:45 Expectation #1: We create a list of expectations that we will find
    • 07:07 The three G’s: Goal, Growth, Gratitude
    • 11:20 Expectation #2: Our partner should be perfect
    • 15:50 Expectation #3: Expecting your partner to make you happy
    • 18:56 Expectation #4: Our partners can read our mind
    • 22:20 Expectation #5: Know how to do things we usually do that we’ve never explained
    • 25:33 Expectation #6: Have it all together all the time
    • 27:38 Expectation #7: Our partner want the same things we want
    • 30:03 Expectation #8: Our partner should understand us immediately

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