Deconstructing Racism with Saira Rao

Looking at – and owning – the truth about white privilege can be awkward, even painful, but it doesn’t have to be lonely. This episode of Born on 3^rd brings us to the dinner tables where tough conversations are building community around honesty, inclusivity and respect. Host Tim Kaelin’s guest, Saira Rao, is sharing her personal journey from “pedigreed” lawyer and successful woman of color playing the Wall Street game to tireless crusader against white supremacy. As co-founders of Race2Dinner, co-authors of the must-read "White Women: Everything You Already Know About Your Own Racism and How to Do Better Paperback", and their documentary "Deconstructing Karen", Saira and her partner, Regina Jackson, are inviting us to get out of our comfort zones and do the work necessary to make real, sustainable change – for our kids, for the planet, for the sake of humanity. You’ll come away from this candid discussion feeling empowered to take a step, no matter how modest, towards challenging the system. In addition to providing accessible, actionable ways to get engaged, Saira illuminates the “why” behind our urgent need to break the interconnected cycles of oppression – from gun violence and misogyny to economic scarcity and religious manipulation.

If you want to be part of the change you seek – however uncomfortable it may feel – pick up a copy of Saira's book. Watch the powerful documentary. You’ll see white privilege with a crystal clarity that can’t leave you anything other than changed. And consider sharing these resources with people you know so that they, too, can meet this reality face-to-face. The conversations that come next are where the work – and meaningful change – begin.

Interested in gathering thoughtful women around the table for candid conversation? Find out more about how to book with Race2Dinner – and learn about the organization’s other programming – by clicking on this link.

If you enjoyed this conversation and would like to listen to previous episodes, there are many great episodes available at this link. And please click here if you’d like to subscribe to our newsletter and join the conversation!

FURTHER INFO/RELEVANT LINKS:

• More about Regina and Saira’s recent appearance on Dr. Phil. (https://www.drphil.com/shows/deconstructing-karen/)
• "White Women: Everything You Already Know About Your Own Racism and How to Do Better Paperback," by Regina Jackson and Saira Rao.( https://www.amazon.com/White-Women-Everything-Already-Racism/dp/0143136437)
• Find out more about Deconstructing Karen (available on Vimeo and iTunes). (https://itunes.apple.com/us/movie/deconstructing-karen/id1654085496?ls=1)
• A link for "Caste: The Origins of Our Discontents," by Isabelle Wilkerson

FOLLOW OUR SAIRA:

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https://www.linkedin.com/in/sairarao/

https://www.instagram.com/race2dinner/

https://twitter.com/Race2D

https://www.facebook.com/Race2Dinner

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Understanding Adoption and Its Effects on Adoptees with Patrick Armstrong

Patrick is an intercountry, transracial, Korean American adoptee. He was born in Korea and then adopted by a white family in the United States. Patrick had all he wanted while growing up, but it felt like something was missing.

For the first 30 years of Patrick's life, he lived in a state of rejection of his Asian and Korean identities and worthiness. He was fighting to fit in. At 30, he had the wake-up call that got him in a state of reclamation.

In this episode, Patrick shares his experience as an adoptee, how it affected him and how he is dealing with it today. Also, Patrick shares how he has been on a journey to find his first family.

Key Talking Points of the Episode:

• What does "Born on Third" mean to Patrick?
• What base does Patrick think he was born on?
• How Patrick handled rejection
• Was Jackie Chan an inappropriate representation of Korean culture?
• Patrick's attempt to fit in as a white 
• Positive and negative experiences with adoption.
• Same-race adoption
• Finding your family and their history
• How Patrick learned the Korean culture
• Advice to white parents looking to adopt a child
• Inclusion in adoption
• Mirror moments
• The gaslighting of adoptees as adults
• Patrick's thoughts on adoption as a whole

Quotes from the Episode:

"We want to be part of this culture and fit into this community. But at the end of the day, if it comes at the expense of who we are, we're never going to fit in."

"I think for many people adoption, like that connection to culture ends once you've been adopted."

"There is a one in a billion chance that I’ll ever get answers to why was I adopted, why was I given up"

"…separated from your family, separated from your country of origin…It’s tough"

Connect with Patrick Armstrong: 

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/patrickintheworld/ 

Website: https://www.patrickintheworld.me/ 

 LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/patrickarmstrong219/ 

In this episode, Katherine Martin, author of the book The Colorful Image of God, joins me to talk about social injustice and how she challenges White Christians with the disconnect between their belief in “imago Dei” and the injustices that Black people, and other People of Color, face today. Katherine shares her thoughts on being born on the 3rd, how her father’s death changed her life, her inspiration to write her book, white culture and Christianity and how we can use white privilege differently. 

Key Talking Points of the Episode:

[05:27] How the death of Katherine’s father affected her

[17:36] What inspired Katherine to write the book

[27:22] Was Jesus white?

[32:47] The Bible is not black and white. It is gray

[39:23] Understanding white culture

[51:39] How to use privilege in a different way

[01:02:03] What’s wrong with the culture of white privilege?

Quotes from the Episode:

“The Bible is a reflection of the hands that hold it.”

“People don’t believe what you say unless you prove it.”

“Whiteness is the norm or likes the dominant culture, and then everything else is different. And compared against whiteness.”

“We do the best we can until we know better. And once we know better, we do better.”

“If we want all people to be able to live their best and fullest lives, and then there are things that we can do to help create more access and opportunity every day in our choices for that to be true.”

Resources Mentioned in the Episode:

https://katherinelearns.com/

https://katherinelearns.com/book/

https://a.co/d/15yNl96

How would you feel if someone discriminated in public and no one came to your rescue? Would you have the courage to stand up for yourself?

In this episode of Born on 3^rd podcast, I have the privilege of hosting the amazing Monique Kelley. She recently became an associate professor at Boston University's College of Communication. She's the faculty advisor for the university's award-winning Public Relations Student Society of America chapter. She's also an entrepreneur, the founder of Monique Kelley Consulting, and a founding member of the Women's executive organization called chief.

Monique grew up in New Jersey with her Iranian mom and Black dad from Trenton. Growing up, Monique had room to be independent and autonomous. Monique is a strong believer that you are what you tell yourself. Growing up, she challenged herself to do many things, especially in sports, even when she knew it wasn't her stronghold.

In this episode, we dig deeper into understanding how we can have intentional diversity and inclusion.

Key Takeaways from the Episode:

• Inaction is inexcusable: If you see or hear something racist, sexist, homophobic, or offensive, you must act. Being silent by the standard is signaling your approval.
• Putting fancy inclusive words up on a sign or painting them on the wall in an office to put them in an employee handbook does not make an organization inclusive.
• Take time to learn about other people's cultures. It will help you understand them better.

Quotes from the Episode:

"I'm a strong believer in you are what you tell your mind."- Monique Kelley

"Belonging is accepting people for who they are."- Tim

"Stop focusing so much on what you don't have and focus on what you do have and how you can add value."- Monique

"Any negative energy or negative experience that I have, I'd like just to flip it on its head and use it as fuel."- Monique

Connect with Monique Kelley:

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/moniquekelleygigliotti/ 

Welcome back to another installment of Born On Third, this week on the show I welcome Coleen Galvin Yaroshenko to discuss her journey from growing up in the dugout to winning the whole game. Coleen was raised by two abusive parents with mental deficiencies and addiction. Though her childhood was rough, the lessons learned from that experience were even greater. She used her life-tools to raise two happy children, one of which is transgender. Coleen is a true example of resilience, grit, and wisdom.

Key Takeaways:

• Coming to terms of an abusive/hard past is the first step to moving forward with life
• People in the LGBT community are 4x more likely to commit suicide than their cis peers. Suicide is the second leading cause of death in ages 10-24.
• You are born with the toolbox your parents passed down to you; whether those tools are broken or not it is your responsibility to heal from trauma

Episode Highlights:

[00:52] Introduction to Coleen Galvin Yaroshenko

[03:03] What base were you born on?

[07:32] Born with your parent’s toolbox

[13:11] Starting the healing process

[17:50] Finding the perfect balance when raising children

[22:35] Changes in the family

[32:00] Naming your child again

[37:08] Loving a child that is trans

[47:00] Educate yourself about the LGBT community

[51:13] Fighting to change policies

[53:12] What base are you on now?

[55:00] Outro

The Trevor Project

In this episode of Born on 3rd, I welcome Matt Driscoll, an award-winning tattoo artist, entrepreneur, and Co-Owner of 9^th Realm Tattoo and Art Gallery in Salem, MA. Listen in as Matt and I talk about how he’s bringing light into the world through the art of tattooing along with his candid thoughts on how society views people with tattoos.

We discuss how Matt’s upbringing in Southern California has impacted his art, why he moved out to the East Coast, and how the culture differs from SoCal culture. He speaks on why he got into art and his path to becoming a tattoo artist and shop owner. Matt highlights his relationship with money, wealth, and success, how his parents’ absence affected his life, and his challenging experience raising his little sister.

Then, he reflects on the increasing acceptance of tattoos in America juxtaposed with the ever-present discrimination of people based on their skin color.

“Even if my subject matter is dark, I want to bring some light into this world, so everything I do is like bright-colored. I just always try to put emotion in things, man, I love it. I want to make someone feel something by looking at an image.” – Matt Driscoll

Remember to support your local artists!

Connect with Matt Driscoll:

Check out Matt’s art on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/raptorlazer

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Subscribe to Born on 3^rd for more episodes like this & Rate/Review it so we can grow and reach more people!

Welcome back to another episode of Born on Third, today on the show I am joined by Lonnie Brewer to discuss his experience growing up on first base and parenting. Lonnie is an H.R. consultant, a Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion Consultant, and has his own podcast underway titled On Becoming Bulletproof.

Growing up with three sisters and a mother who continually worked at least two jobs, Lonnie felt the responsibility to be the man of the house, even at five years old. He shares the stark transition from living in a dangerous area with no racism to a safer white neighborhood with overt racism. Lonnie’s experience navigating different layers of poverty has shaped him into the resilient father he is today with wisdom that can only be taught through sharing his experience. 

Key Takeaways:

• Being poor versus being broke is all about the mindset. Being poor is a mindset while being broke is an economic condition
• Saying the word “can’t” holds deeper connotation than what appears on the surface; it signifies surrendering, reluctance, and weakness
• The passive racist; a person who enjoys the privileges from a system that oppresses others and does nothing about it

Episode Highlights:

[00:00] Introduction to Lonnie Brewer

[02:33] What base were you born on?

[07:21] The unwritten rules of the wealthy

[12:04] Background growing up

[18:41] Moving to Springfield

[20:18] Broke vs poor

[21:26] How do you teach resilience?

[27:19] Role modeling

[30:00] What parts of childhood help you as a parent?

[34:17] The passive racist

[37:41] Meeting your father

[45:00] A purest at heart

[48:55] Lessons to pass on

[54:35] What base are you on now?

[58:29] Outro

Quotes:

• “Wow, so that’s what it looks like to grow up with privilege – you don’t really feel like rules apply to you”
• “When I was 11 years old I was jumped by 6 guys”
• “My life could have easily gone in the other direction; I feel fortunate just to be alive”
• “Tell me and I’ll forget. Teach me and I may remember. Involve me, show me and I’ll learn”
• “I had to learn how to be a man without the benefit of having one in my life”

Welcome back to another installment of Born on Third, this week on the show I welcome Pastor, serial non-profit entrepreneur, and author of the book Neighborliness: Love Like Jesus. Cross Dividing Lines. Transform Your Community, David Docusen.

In this episode, David speaks on the hypocrisy we see in religious texts and how it addresses contemporary issues like economic divide, race, and sexual orientation. As a person who experienced living on both 3rd and 1st base, David points out the biases we are conditioned to believe and practice, even if it's subconscious. Learning through these biases is one of the many ways David is combating these predispositions to help us understand that, as he perfectly puts it, we are all one family.

Key Takeaways:

• Reconciliation vs conciliation; to reconcile means to go back to a preexisting state when what we’re looking for is a new start
• Christianity and atheism are not mutually exclusive when it comes to being empathetic, virtuous, and inclusive
• The spirit of neighborliness goes beyond doing good deeds, its setting your biases aside to unify, understand, and grow with conviction

 Episode Highlights:

[00:00] introduction to David Docusen

[06:01] What base were you born on?

[07:51] The journey to writing Neighborliness

[13:14] Weaponized religion

[16:11] The hypocrisy of religion

[21:40] Following the word of Jesus vs following Jesus

[25:40] “We are all one family”

[27:51] Embody the spirit of neighborliness

[30:31] Admitting we all have biases

[36:05] Reconciliation

[44:37] Making an impact in your community

Quotes:

• “If we’re not willing to acknowledge that there’s some advantage that has been given to white people in our country, then you are just making a bunch of noise”
• “There are some that would resonate with my faith background and some that may find that to be off putting, and I say let’s just have a conversation together”
• “I don’t want you to follow Jesus, I want you to embody his life and his presence to the world around you”
• “I think that if we actually behaved like Jesus, we would go in and build relationships and not throw down religious law”
• “The inevitable outcome to division is conflict, violence, and death”
• “Jesus wasn’t trying to win arguments; he was trying to build relationships”
• “We can learn so much and [yet] never do anything of substance to our community”
• “Systems can change because systems are made of people”

Learn more about the mission of Neighborliness here

Buy Neighborliness

Welcome back to another episode of Born on Third. On this episode we are joined by author of the book A White Guy Confronting Racism: An Invitation to Reflect and Act, Jared Karol. Jared has been a champion for diversity as showcased through his works at Translator, Inc. as a D.E.I consultant and public speaker.

In this episode, Jared flips the connotation of privilege from a meaning of accusation to an opportunity for collaboration in dismantling oppressive systems and people. With over 20 years of expertise under his belt, Jared has been able to introduce humanity to the conversation of racism. His work has flipped the script to sway white folks into seeing people as what they are, humans.

Key Takeaways:

• Having the motivation to connect with people is key to understanding others. Listening to their perspective and learning of adversities they’ve faced reveals a spectrum of inequities they would have otherwise not been aware of
• Victims of discrimination are left with the burden of educating those who have discriminated against them.
• Humanity, E.Q., mindfulness, and storytelling – four critical talking points from A White Guy Confronting Racism that encapsulates the message of racism and how to combat it

Episode Highlights:

[00:50] Introduction to Jared Karol

[03:02] What base were you born on?

[06:50] The connotation privilege holds

[12:38] The privilege to not think about race

[14:21] Cancel culture

[19:50] Instant gratification

[22:22] “Tell me more”

[27:17] What are key takeaways from the book?

[33:41] Humanity and political implications

[39:14] When and how is confronting racism with humor affective?

[43:50] Connect with Jared

Quotes:

• “Because we haven’t had to think about race and racism, for the most part, we’re not aware of what others go through”
• “Privilege, for some reason, has a connotation of an accusation”
• “Yes, I grew up poor, I didn’t have the nice house and the money and the amenities that my friends had, but I was still white”
• “If you ask 10 people what does cancel culture mean you’d get 10 different answers”
• “We are all traumatized from racism”
• “No one is free until we’re all free”
• “I think it would be naïve if we said racism isn’t both influenced and affected by policy, politics, and laws”
• “Racism at its core is about dehumanization”

Stay connect with Jared: Website | Instagram | A White Guy Confronting Racism