Ep 202: Our Hedgelords And Saviors

OMG Leave me ALONE!! Our vacations always suck! I hate these shithole places from ALT to Athens. People suck! Locals suck! You suck!... DAD! The world is going to boil soon, so what does it matter what ocean I piss in. One person’s oyster might be another person’S HELL. 🦪🐚

OMG Leave me ALONE!! I am trying to mindmeld with this Alien and establish a Force Dyad. Humans SUCK. I’m so OVER them. I want to mount a pyramid and ride a dragon to climax into the DARK heart of a black hole, while my alien orderlies singe odes of my demise into the scrotum of my step-dad. Only then would my TRUTH be heard. Anyway - listen to this episode about the TRUTH. Or not. It's not like it matters anyway. 🖤👽  

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OMG Leave me ALONE!! There are two things I hate most in the world - polar bears and mislabelled countries. Polar Bears cuz they’re white, and mislabelled countries cuz I hate lies. Greenland, my ass! Why can’t global warming hurry the fuck up and solve both of my problems. That’s why I hate vegans cuz they’re trying to slow that shit down. Make bovine farts methane again. 🍑 💨

OMG Leave me ALONE!! I’m watching Toby McGuire cry and pondering the mystery of his upper lip. How does it disappear? If only my step-dad would disappear.I heard some noise coming from the back yard, so I started digging and found my old opinions on Andrew Garfield. Everyone likes a redemption arc, and he’s okay now, but we must never forget that he did once sucked. Everything sucks! 🤢

OMG Leave me ALONE!! I’m trying to sacrifice a goat to our lord and savior Lucifer (from Cinderella). Too bad that bitch is dead. But Batman, the one true hedgelord, taught me that there is one thing that trumps all powers in the cosmos: MONEY! Blood Diamonds black as my soul. So in this episode my orderlies probe into the depths of the depraved world of our Capitalist Gods, and finally prove that nothing else matters but the ALMIGHTY dollar 💰.

OMG Leave me ALONE!! I’d normally play Pokémon BLACK, but I was envious of last season (cuz it got to die). So I played Leaf GREEN instead. Can you believe this fucking game doesn’t even have DARK types. What the fuck Miyamoto. DARK types matter! 💢 

[Music: Battle! (Wild Pokémon) | Source: https://soundlibrary.pokemon.co.jp/en/musicbox | Rights Notice: ©2006 Pokémon. ©1995-2006 Nintendo/Creatures Inc./GAME FREAK inc.
This content has been created in agreement with the Terms of Use for the Pokémon DP Sound Library.]

OMG HI! I like missed you guys! It's been like a year since I was born, SO… I’ve been like partying hardy! Just one question though, is it like normal to feel a burning sensation after you turn 1. Like constantly. I know it's not chlamydia because the Ivermectin shots protect me from all viruses. Whatever, Happy Holidays. *COUGH* 🤧

OMG! HI! What’s my relationship with my dad? None of your business. I don’t have daddy issues, you do! I’m not trying to get back at anyone! I only date older men cuz of the security, and they only yell at me cuz they want me to be best. 👴💖

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Glory to Putin! Привет comrade Dimitri! It is I, normal American podcast. Today we discuss normal American movie about normal American girls (not secretly Russian agents) with strong backs and thick horse-like legs. What did you say?! You are not Dimitri?! Нет! In Soviet Russia beer names YOU! 🇺🇸

OMG HI! Welcome to That’s the Name of a Beer. I’m sorry service is taking so long; we’re a little short-staffed. Wait, what? You want to speak to my manager? You want to know what my name is? Did you JUST call me a rude GIRL? I’M A PODCAST. HOW DARE YOU ASSUME MY GENDER! I am non-binary, and you will respect my pronouns or lack thereof.