Episode 1.33 'Wizards and Warriors' Part 2

Never has a single television show been so shockingly horrendous that it forced the Aquaboys to wrestle with the fundamental nature of their existence. To wander blindfolded on the event horizon between a peaceful human life and reality-bending, cosmic-scale horror. "Thunder in Paradise" exists outside of any currently understood dimension, enthusiastically twisting the will, nay, the very life force of the viewer into an impenetrable and unsolvable emotional labyrinth. Listener, let this be a warning to you. If you continue on, you will bear witness to the power of "Thunder in Paradise" and its callous and inhuman treatment of any poor soul who decides to watch. To quote a battle-weary Aquaboy, "This show might destroy our podcast."

As the Aquaboys embark on 2024, they simply can't think of a better way to kick off another year of television torture than by diving headlong into this prime example of early '90s Hulk Hogan-centric silliness. Do they manage to find the makings of a decent show among the wrestler cameos, absurd dialogue, rampant bikini filler, and piss-poor acting? That's for you, the listener, to discover.  All that, AND we take a deep dive into cults, crosswalks, and the life and legacy of microphone #3.

Thunder in Paradise is an American action-adventure TV series from the creators of Baywatch, which stars Hulk Hogan, Chris Lemmon, and Carol Alt. Thunder in Paradise follows the adventures of two ex-United States Navy SEALs, Randolph J. "Hurricane" Spencer and Martin "Bru" Brubaker, who work as mercenaries out of their tropical resort headquarters along Florida's Gulf Coast of the United States. Using their futuristic, high-tech boat, nicknamed Thunder, they travel around the world fighting various criminals and villains. They must also balance their dangerous undercover work with their responsibilities of raising widower Spencer's young stepdaughter Jessica, who lives with them. 

(Recorded Live at Gus’s World-Famous Fried Chicken)
This episode is chuck full of Aquaboy firsts!  The Aquaboys record their first live show at their home-away-from-home, Gus’s Fried Chicken on Magnolia.  Also, for the first time in the history of the show, the Aquaboys voted to renew Manimal an unprecedented fifth time.  Why have they bestowed this honor on such a terrible show?  That’s for you the listener to discover.  But to help ease the pain of this god-awful show, the boys share their Secret Santa gifts with each other, Tony hosts a rock solid edition of Celebrity Highlights and Onscreen Wonders Bulletin Express and Brian drinks too much Red Stripe.   Happy Holidays!
       
Special thanks to Cub, Taylor and the entire Gus’s team at the Magnolia location for being such wonderful hosts.  Find out more about Gus’s here: https://www.gusfriedchicken.com/locations/fort-worth-texas

The Aquaboys are back, and now 100% of the crew has reasonably acceptable vocal ability.  The boys continue their slog through Manimal, and now it’s starting to feel like actual work.  On the plus side, this episode features considerably less warehouses.  On the downside, we’re still watching Manimal.   For those of you who prefer the banter versus actual show discussion, the new segment ‘Celebrity Highlights and Onscreen Wonders Bulletin Express’ makes a second appearance and solidifies itself as the place honest hard-working Americans go for breaking news on entertainment, pop culture, and actually good television.

You can find out more about our show,  at https://www.aquaboy.show/ - - yes, we have an actual website. 

(note: portions of this episode have been modified to protect the innocent)

Manimal is an American superhero television series created by Glen A. Larson and Donald R. Boyle, it ran on NBC from September 30 to December 17, 1983. The show centers on the character Jonathan Chase (Simon MacCorkindale), a shape-shifting man who can turn himself into any animal he chooses. He uses this ability to help the police solve crimes. The series ended after a brief eight episode run, but has since become a minor cult classic.

Faithful Aquaboy listener…there is good news and bad news to share.  First the good news…the Aquaboys have returned after a long medical-related hiatus.  The bad news…they are still watching this downright terrible show, Manimal.  New off-screen animal transformations, a tropical paradise setting, needlessly over-complicated puzzles, and deep state espionage are not enough to keep this mess from appealing to even the most merciful of viewers.  If you listen close, you'll notice the Aquaboys are losing interest fast.   But will they renew??  

Manimal is an American superhero television series created by Glen A. Larson and Donald R. Boyle, it ran on NBC from September 30 to December 17, 1983. The show centers on the character Jonathan Chase (Simon MacCorkindale), a shape-shifting man who can turn himself into any animal he chooses. He uses this ability to help the police solve crimes. The series ended after a brief eight episode run, but has since become a minor cult classic.

The Aquaboys are beginning to realize why Manimal comes with such a dubious reputation.  Even with a retooled exposition-filled intro, this show still bewilders even the most attentive viewer.  Loads and loads of filler, off-putting transformations, unnecessarily complicated smuggling plans, father-son hawk trapping and vastly overpowered birds all contribute to complicated feelings about this show.  There is a very good chance this is all leading to a very heated ‘Cancel or Renew’ debate.     Also, one of the Aquaboys debuts a brand-new segment!!  
  
Manimal is an American superhero television series created by Glen A. Larson and Donald R. Boyle, it ran on NBC from September 30 to December 17, 1983. The show centers on the character Jonathan Chase (Simon MacCorkindale), a shape-shifting man who can turn himself into any animal he chooses. He uses this ability to help the police solve crimes. The series ended after a brief eight episode run, but has since become a minor cult classic.

Manimal might be the most famous (or infamous) of the shows the Aquaboys have watched so far.  Its celebrity status as terrible TV seems built on a couple giant ideas that were executed hilariously bad.   Maybe the producers thought the killer effects would carry the show?  Did bubble forehead, felt cat paw, and tamed cobras impress the Aquaboys enough to renew this legendary train wreck?   Listen and find out for yourself.  
Manimal is an American superhero television series created by Glen A. Larson and Donald R. Boyle, it ran on NBC from September 30 to December 17, 1983. The show centers on the character Jonathan Chase (Simon MacCorkindale), a shape-shifting man who can turn himself into any animal he chooses. He uses this ability to help the police solve crimes.
The series ended after a brief eight episode run, but has since become a minor cult classic.

They thought they were all done with Matthew Star.  But no.  Not at all. The big wheel had other plans for the Aquaboys that day.  The big wheel smiled ever-so slightly as it knew it was about to make them watch this turd of a show once again.  The wheel knew the Aquaboys needed to experience television history’s only attempt at making paint a compelling plot device.  

Yes, paint. 

The big wheel knew it would test them.  The big wheel knew it would put their resilience, stamina, and sanity to the test.  The big wheel knew the Aquaboys needed a test like this to grow as both humans and friends.  

Did it break them?   Did it drive a wedge in friendship?  Did it force them to do math? 

The Powers of Matthew Star is an American sci-fi television series that aired on NBC on Friday evenings from September 17, 1982 until April 8, 1983. It starred Peter Barton as the title character, the alien prince Matthew "E'Hawke" Star of the planet Quadris, who used his powers to fight crime. Also starring were Amy Steel as Pam Elliot, Matthew’s girlfriend at Crestridge High; and Louis Gossett Jr. as Walt "D'Hai" Shepherd, Matthew’s guardian.

Quadris, twelve light years across the galaxy from Earth. It was home for us until an intergalactic armada conquered it. I fought by the royal family's side, but in vain – even their remarkable powers weren't enough. The crown prince and I escaped to the nearest planet on which we could survive and further his powers in order to someday return to free his people. Here on Earth, the prince is known as Matthew Star. He's a typical American teenager. He has friends – people who love him – and me, his guardian. I'm the only one who knows how special he is. Life for us is a series of joys and dangers. Enemy assassins constantly come to destroy us. Alone, we must survive.

This week the Aquaboys welcome Special Correspondent Lane back to the show!  We didn’t necessarily roll out the welcome mat by making SCL watch this pitiful excuse for a TV show. (Even by early 80’s standards) The Powers of Matthew Star somehow manages to take all the fun out of watching bad TV.  Maybe that’s one of his multiple (?) powers?   

But let this be a warning to you, intrepid listener.   Every once in a great while, if you make too much fun of a show…the show finds a way to retaliate.   Trust me. 

The Powers of Matthew Star is an American sci-fi television series that aired on NBC on Friday evenings from September 17, 1982 until April 8, 1983. It starred Peter Barton as the title character, the alien prince Matthew "E'Hawke" Star of the planet Quadris, who used his powers to fight crime. Also starring were Amy Steel as Pam Elliot, Matthew’s girlfriend at Crestridge High; and Louis Gossett Jr. as Walt "D'Hai" Shepherd, Matthew’s guardian.

Quadris, twelve light years across the galaxy from Earth. It was home for us until an intergalactic armada conquered it. I fought by the royal family's side, but in vain – even their remarkable powers weren't enough. The crown prince and I escaped to the nearest planet on which we could survive and further his powers in order to someday return to free his people. Here on Earth, the prince is known as Matthew Star. He's a typical American teenager. He has friends – people who love him – and me, his guardian. I'm the only one who knows how special he is. Life for us is a series of joys and dangers. Enemy assassins constantly come to destroy us. Alone, we must survive.

The Aquaboys experience another heck-of-a-ride as we attempt to parse this incomprehensible show.  This week, Matthew Star helps us to better understand the military-like efficiency of the US judicial system, the corrupt nature of the recording industry, and the vastly under-reported dangers of passenger van customization.  All that and a kindhearted nuanced discussion of the pros and cons of cannibalism. 

Remember.  Trust the system.

The Powers of Matthew Star is an American sci-fi television series that aired on NBC on Friday evenings from September 17, 1982 until April 8, 1983. It starred Peter Barton as the title character, the alien prince Matthew "E'Hawke" Star of the planet Quadris, who used his powers to fight crime. Also starring were Amy Steel as Pam Elliot, Matthew’s girlfriend at Crestridge High; and Louis Gossett Jr. as Walt "D'Hai" Shepherd, Matthew’s guardian.

Quadris, twelve light years across the galaxy from Earth. It was home for us until an intergalactic armada conquered it. I fought by the royal family's side, but in vain – even their remarkable powers weren't enough. The crown prince and I escaped to the nearest planet on which we could survive and further his powers in order to someday return to free his people. Here on Earth, the prince is known as Matthew Star. He's a typical American teenager. He has friends – people who love him – and me, his guardian. I'm the only one who knows how special he is. Life for us is a series of joys and dangers. Enemy assassins constantly come to destroy us. Alone, we must survive.