Episode 299: Stop Trying to Get Your Children to Change Their Behavior or Moods

We want our days to be filled with peace and connection, but those of us raising kids with big emotions know that’s not always the reality. Even when we try hard to fix the arguing, complaining, and general resistance to our requests, it can feel like nothing reduces the drama long-term -- and sometimes, it seems like our efforts are actually making things worse.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• Why some of your current parenting strategies may not be working, despite your best efforts

• The real reasons behind seemingly-unbreakable cycles -- and what to do about it!

• The lifelong benefits (for us and our kids) of breaking negative cycles for good

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Notes from this episode: https://rachelbailey68580.activehosted.com/f/182

Free coaching calls: https://rachel-bailey.com/coaching/

Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey

It can be overwhelming navigating the constantly-changing emotions and reactions of children who feel things strongly. One minute they’re happy and the next, they are melting down about something that’s not even a big deal! We want to reduce the drama and be a powerful positive influence with our kids, but how do we do that when we don’t really understand what’s driving their reactions?

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• What to check first when kids have unpredictable behavior

• How to “see” inside our children’s brains, so we can approach them with compassion instead of judgment 

• The benefits of changing our perspective when kids have confusing reactions

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Notes from this episode: https://rachelbailey68580.activehosted.com/f/181

Free coaching calls: https://rachel-bailey.com/coaching/

Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey

Even when you try to make deposits with your children, sometimes you run into obstacles. You may feel particularly stuck if your child resists the attempts you are trying to make to connect with them! When that happens, using micro-deposits can help you get unstuck and shift things back to a more positive direction. 

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• How to address common obstacles to making deposits 

• Why children with big emotions pull away or push back when we’re trying to spend time with them

• Easy-to-implement “micro” deposits -- simple actions that don’t take much time but have a BIG impact on your relationship

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Talk to Rachel about whether the "Become a Powerful Positve Influence" Action Program is a fit for you: https://Rachel-Bailey.as.me/Influence

Notes from this episode: https://rachelbailey68580.activehosted.com/f/180

Free coaching calls: https://rachel-bailey.com/coaching/

Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey

Because our children struggle with challenging situations and feelings, we want to give them what they need to be resilient. But if we’re being honest, sometimes it's easier in the moment to give them what they WANT instead of what they NEED to be able to handle the obstacles they will inevitably face in life. 

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• How to know whether we’re meeting our kids’ wants or needs -- and when we need to make a change!

• What our children actually need from us to become more resilient 

• The easiest way to meet our kids’ emotional needs (with examples!) for stronger self-esteem and healthier relationships

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Talk to Rachel about whether the "Become a Powerful Positve Influence" Action Program is a fit for you: https://Rachel-Bailey.as.me/Influence

Free coaching calls: https://rachel-bailey.com/coaching/

Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey

Today we are celebrating our 300th episode with a more personal episode as I respond to listener-submitted questions. If you’ve ever wanted to learn a little more than the parenting tips I share, you’ll be able to do that now! 

In this episode, you’ll hear:

• What I was like as a child - including the worst thing I ever did! 

• How and why I started a business helping parents 

• Some quotes that inspire me, both as a parent and as a person

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Free video series for parents raising children with big emotions: https://rachel-bailey.com/longgame/

Coaching calls: https://rachel-bailey.com/coaching/

Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey

When our children are having big emotions or behaviors, it’s natural to want those big feelings and behaviors to stop so that there is more fighting, no more disrespectful attitudes, no more drama. Unfortunately, there’s one problem: We can’t control how our kids feel or how they behave. And when we try, we just make the situation worse (and we feel worse).

Fortunately, there is an alternative that leads to a better outcome – AND doesn’t require us to give in to them. 

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• Why our need to control others leaves us exhausted

• How to address big feelings without trying to change other people

• A simple shift that will reduce resentment and lead to more peace and influence with our children

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Talk to Rachel about whether the "Become a Powerful Positve Influence" Action Program is a fit for you: https://Rachel-Bailey.as.me/Influence

Coaching calls: https://rachel-bailey.com/coaching/

Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey

Why do some kids listen more to one parent than another? Why do some kids seem to calm down more quickly around one parent than another? Often the difference is that one parent is a powerful positive influence, while the other isn’t. The good news is that any parent can learn to be a powerful positive influence.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• What we need to give our kids if we want to be more influential 

• How becoming a Powerful Positive Influence can motivate better behavior and healthier self-esteem -- without yelling, punishing, or shaming

• Two necessary qualities that will help you become a Powerful Positive Influence with your children 

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Apply to join the "Become a Powerful Positve Influence" Action Program: https://forms.gle/JTfYQfUXWeg5cpmR8

Talk to Rachel about whether the "Become a Powerful Positve Influence" Action Program is a fit for you: https://Rachel-Bailey.as.me/Influence

Coaching calls: https://rachel-bailey.com/coaching/

Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey

Many people confuse “respectful parenting” with permissive parenting, thinking that respectful parents give into the whims of their children to make them feel good.

But caving to our kids’ feelings and reactions is not respectful…to them or to us. Believe it or not, firm boundaries are a hallmark of respect-based parenting. And firm boundaries are what our children with big emotions really need.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• What firm parenting boundaries look like

• Reasons why setting limits can be uncomfortable for us (and how to deal with the discomfort)

• How to respond to our children’s big emotions respectfully

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Free coaching calls: https://rachel-bailey.com/coaching/

Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey

Raising Resilience Membership: https://rachel-bailey.com/raising-resilience-membership/

Sometimes people assume that because I teach parenting strategies for a living, I’m always parenting the way I want to. I actually think that assumption is dangerous, so I wanted to offer just a few of my parenting regrets... some of which you may be able to relate to! 

 In this episode, I’ll share: 

• Some of my personal parenting fails 

• How I handle those fails – sometimes “successfully,” sometimes not

• What I do when I recognize that I’m not parenting the way I want to 

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Free coaching calls: https://rachel-bailey.com/coaching/

Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey

Raising Resilience Membership: https://rachel-bailey.com/raising-resilience-membership/

Even when you listen to so many tips and parenting strategies available, it can be difficult to find those that actually work with kids with big emotions. And when nothing we try seems to make a difference, it’s easy to feel helpless. But it is possible to identify what our children need in order to feel and act better.  

 In this episode, you’ll learn: 

• Why our definition of “what works” doesn't always work! 

• What our kids need more than rewards or punishments

• Two things our children must have in order to do the things that we want them to do 

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Free coaching calls: https://rachel-bailey.com/coaching/

Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/RachelBailey

Raising Resilience Membership: https://rachel-bailey.com/raising-resilience-membership/