FOO Fighter: Deprogramming Our “Family Of Origin” Triggers For More Effective Parenting, with Dr. Crystal Collier

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
If you could stand outside your own life, watching your family relationships play out like a movie, what patterns of behavior might you notice about yourself?  If you could see those patterns now, wouldn’t it be much easier to improve them each day?  In this episode, we try to understand ourselves and our family dynamics more deeply through the lens of attachment theory.

If you’re like me, you’d never heard attachment theory mentioned in recovery spaces or literature.  But my guest today believes it has an important role to play in the families of children using substances.

Jack Hinman has provided therapeutic support for young adults for two decades across a wide variety of settings – hospitals, wilderness therapy, residential centers, and community mental health settings.  Serving these different roles has provided him a holistic overview of the therapeutic experience, and has only solidified his belief that attachment theory can be a key component to improving stressful family dynamics.

Today we discuss the four attachment styles, their superpowers, how they affect our relationships with our kids and partners, and how we can change them for the better.

Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.  -  Aristotle

EPISODE RESOURCES:

• Engage Life Transitions website 
• The Attachment Project (online attachment style quiz)

This podcast is part of a nonprofit called Hopestream Community
Learn about The Stream, our private online community for moms
Find us on Instagram: @hopestreamcommunity
Download a free e-book, Worried Sick: A Compassionate Guide For Parents When Your Teen or Young Adult Child Misuses Drugs and Alcohol

Hopestream Community is a registered 501(c)3 nonprofit organization and an Amazon Associate. We may make a small commission if you purchase from our links.

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
When my son began using drugs and alcohol, I did what a lot of parents do: I dove headfirst into a world I didn't know existed, trying to evaluate all the possible programs and places he might go to get help. But there's so much to learn about the treatment world, and the knowledge is extremely specialized, making it almost impossible to sift through it effectively without a guide. On today's show, I spoke with someone who is that guide for families.

Joanna Lilley has been an educational consultant (though she prefers "therapeutic consultant") for a decade, and has worked in all sorts of settings, from wilderness therapy programs to academic institutions. She has connected hundreds of families to treatment programs, therapists, and other resources, and you'd be hard-pressed to find someone who has a more holistic and honest view of the industry.

Joanna is notorious for her blunt transparency, and she has a lot of knowledge to share. In this episode, we discuss:

• The importance of finding an independent educational consultant
• The ethical standards a consultant should be held to
• The role and value consultants bring to the table in a time of crisis
• Information consultants have that parents will never get from their own research
• The most important questions parents should always ask before engaging a consultant
• Why Joanna says not every family needs a consultant

EPISODE RESOURCES:
Joanna’s website:  (https://lilleyconsulting.com)

Therapeutic Consulting Assoc.:  (https://www.therapeuticconsulting.org)

__________________________________________

This podcast is part of a nonprofit called Hopestream Community
Learn about The Stream, our private online community for moms
Find us on Instagram: @hopestreamcommunity
Download a free e-book, Worried Sick: A Compassionate Guide For Parents When Your Teen or Young Adult Child Misuses Drugs and Alcohol

Hopestream Community is a registered 501(c)3 nonprofit organization and an Amazon Associate. We may make a small commission if you purchase from our links.

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
Rose has three children, so she's not new to being a mom. But when her son spent six months trying every drug he could find, she stepped into a foreign world of substance misuse and increasing risk. She dealt with the utter shock and disbelief her child had been using substances at all, let alone to the degree she came to realize.

Rose’s son was on week six of outpatient rehab when he combined most of those drugs together into a single, dangerous dose, and when we spoke for this coaching session he was, thankfully, in residential treatment. 

Rose is sure that her son is not ready to come home, but unsure of the right next step. She knows that if she can find an appropriate follow-on program, she'll finally have a moment to breathe, rest, and regroup. It doesn't help that her own chronic health condition is being made worse by the stress she’s enduring with her son. She's proud of the progress she's made in the past few months, but is finding it hard to hold onto hope.

In this coaching episode, Rose and I discuss why accepting reality and letting go of controlling tendencies are the foundation of change. We also dive into the ways her self-care is a service to her entire family, and necessary to develop the stamina she needs for this marathon.

___________________________________________________

This podcast is part of a nonprofit called Hopestream Community
Learn about The Stream, our private online community for moms
Find us on Instagram: @hopestreamcommunity
Download a free e-book, Worried Sick: A Compassionate Guide For Parents When Your Teen or Young Adult Child Misuses Drugs and Alcohol

Hopestream Community is a registered 501(c)3 nonprofit organization and an Amazon Associate. We may make a small commission if you purchase from our links.

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
Hopestream co-founder, Cathy Cioth, is back for another episode to discuss six critical mindset shifts we both believe parents need to consider when they have a child struggling with substance misuse. We share how these important pivots in our thinking impacted our families and why, even though both of us have kids in recovery, we still vigilantly adhere to them. 

And, as usual, we go on a tangent or two, so grab your dog, bike, walking shoes, or whatever you do when listening to podcasts and let’s jump in.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

• Menopause episode: Surviving The Perfect Storm Of Challenging Kids, Aging And Menopause; This One's For The Mommas, with Dr. Robin Sinclair, ND (www.brendazane.com/hopestream/108)
• Female Health Masterclass | Menopause, Hormone Replacement Therapy & How To Workout In Your 50’S,60’S - The Proof with Simon Hill (https://theproof.com/female-health-masterclass/)
• The Partnership to End Addiction - free resources for parents including a Helpline, online support calls, coaching and trusted content (www.drugfree.org)
• Sky’s The Limit Fund - nonprofit that provides scholarships for Outdoor Behavioral Healthcare for adolescents and young adults (www.skysthelimitfund.org)
• Trish Ruggles episode - Decoding Today’s Adolescent Substance Use Treatment Landscape (www.brendazane.com/hopestream/202)

________________________________________

This podcast is part of a nonprofit called Hopestream Community
Learn about The Stream, our private online community for moms
Find us on Instagram: @hopestreamcommunity
Download a free e-book, Worried Sick: A Compassionate Guide For Parents When Your Teen or Young Adult Child Misuses Drugs and Alcohol

Hopestream Community is a registered 501(c)3 nonprofit organization and an Amazon Associate. We may make a small commission if you purchase from our links.

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
After watching her brother's life cut short by substance use, Ann Coleman was intimately familiar with its dangers. So when her son - who already suffered from anxiety and depression - started using marijuana, hallucinogens and opiates, her trauma and instincts of fear and control kicked in hard. Looking back, Ann recognizes that at the time she believed her son was solely to blame for the unraveling of the relationship. Now, she knows better. 

"There were things I screwed up," Ann shares, "but it was mainly in the way that I reacted to and thought about the things he was doing." 

As her son began his healing process, Ann herself undertook a two year, self-directed study of every parenting-related topic she could get her hands on: from neurobiology to therapeutic mindfulness. In this episode, she explains how her life as a lawyer was gradually upended by the realization of just how many parents are going into this difficult chapter of life blind and without much guidance at all.

Over the course of the conversation we discuss the control-rebellion cycle (undoubtedly familiar to you), the extra complications of ADHD and anxiety, why the only thing that matters to adolescents is peer acceptance, and so much more. This episode is your opportunity to learn from Ann's mistakes -- and her knowledge -- in everyday language, with practical instruction.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

• No Drama Discipline: The Whole-Brain Way to Calm the Chaos and Nurture Your Child's Developing Mind (https://amzn.to/3vSxUPR)
• Speaking of Teens website & podcast (https://speakingofteens.com/)

_______________________________________________

This podcast is part of a nonprofit called Hopestream Community
Learn about The Stream, our private online community for moms
Find us on Instagram: @hopestreamcommunity
Download a free e-book, Worried Sick: A Compassionate Guide For Parents When Your Teen or Young Adult Child Misuses Drugs and Alcohol

Hopestream Community is a registered 501(c)3 nonprofit organization and an Amazon Associate. We may make a small commission if you purchase from our links.

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
When young people in recovery return to use, we often hear phrases like “failure to launch,” “regression,” or the suggestion that “recovery is only for those who want it.” Today’s guest, Matt Nannis, says it’s time to abandon these concepts altogether.

Matt’s journey from his own addiction to being the founder of the PIVOTPoint Program looked a little different than a typical recovery story. He didn’t “do the work” in treatment to stop using substances, find a more fulfilling life, or heal relationships with his friends and family – he just wanted better snacks and more privileges. 

Matt’s experience isn’t all that different from others who eventually pursue treatment, which tells us maybe we should rethink some of the things we’re told about what’s necessary for change.

Matt says the problem with concepts like “failure to launch” is they imply some fixed destination along a set path. And while he found great value in the rubric of AA, he now believes the all-or-nothing mindset implied by “regression” just isn't anchored in reality. In this discussion, we cover:

• Matt’s nontraditional path through treatment and what it reveals about recovery
• Why substance use often feels like it generates a safe, manageable, and consistent life
• The importance of reframing “failure to launch” as “failure to fail”
• Why substance use can maintain an illusion of freedom that prevents change
• The importance of helping young people in recovery identify their own beacons and core values

EPISODE RESOURCES:
The PIVOTPoint Program (https://pivotpointwnc.org/)

_________________________________________

This podcast is part of a nonprofit called Hopestream Community
Learn about The Stream, our private online community for moms
Find us on Instagram: @hopestreamcommunity
Download a free e-book, Worried Sick: A Compassionate Guide For Parents When Your Teen or Young Adult Child Misuses Drugs and Alcohol

Hopestream Community is a registered 501(c)3 nonprofit organization and an Amazon Associate. We may make a small commission if you purchase from our links.

ABOUT THE EPISODE:
I recently sat down with over 20 treatment program owners, directors, therapists, educational consultants, and 20+ parents who are or have been on the journey with their kids, and I'm sharing the insights I gleaned in today's episode.

From insurance nightmares to difficult transitions and THC-induced psychosis, I cover a lot of territory, bringing you a boots-on-the-ground view into what's really going on today in treatment and the struggles parents are facing when they have a child who misuses substances.

EPISODE RESOURCES:

• Hopestream Community (hopestreamcommunity.org)
• Solutions Parenting Support (https://solutionsparentingsupport.com)
• Wonder (https://www.teamwonder.org/)
• Fentanyl & Teens Free Webinar with Brenda Zane and Vicenzo Narciso (hopestreamcommunity.org/fentanyl)
• CRAFT Provider Directory (https://helpingfamilieshelp.com/hfh-directory)
• Association of Recovery Schools (https://recoveryschools.org/)

___________________________________

This podcast is part of a nonprofit called Hopestream Community
Learn about The Stream, our private online community for moms
Find us on Instagram: @hopestreamcommunity
Download a free e-book, Worried Sick: A Compassionate Guide For Parents When Your Teen or Young Adult Child Misuses Drugs and Alcohol

Hopestream Community is a registered 501(c)3 nonprofit organization and an Amazon Associate. We may make a small commission if you purchase from our links.

At some point along your child's road to recovery, you will almost certainly need to make some difficult decisions about treatment. If they’re an adolescent, this becomes an even more complicated decision. And while I do have some personal experience with treatment, it's been 9 years since my son went to a wilderness program and residential treatment, and a lot has changed since then.

My guest on today's episode is Trish Ruggles, a licensed clinical professional counselor and therapeutic educational consultant with 15 years of experience. She has intimate, on-the-ground knowledge of the wide spectrum of mental health and substance use treatment and works with families to match the right treatment setting with a young person’s therapeutic and academic needs.

If you're a parent of an adolescent who is looking into treatment options (or you know someone who is), or just want to learn what the options are for future reference, this information will be absolute gold. By the time you're done listening, you will have a broad overview of nearly every option there is, the strengths and weaknesses of each, and professional advice about which might be right for your adolescent child.
________________________________

This podcast is part of a nonprofit called Hopestream Community
Learn about The Stream, our private online community for moms
Find us on Instagram: @hopestreamcommunity
Download a free e-book, Worried Sick: A Compassionate Guide For Parents When Your Teen or Young Adult Child Misuses Drugs and Alcohol

Hopestream Community is a registered 501(c)3 nonprofit organization and an Amazon Associate. We may make a small commission if you purchase from our links.

Kelly’s son began smoking marijuana all day, every day after a serious trauma two years ago. Therapy and harm reduction strategies have led them to an arrangement where he is allowed to smoke occasionally, but only in the garage. Her son is smoking much less now, and in combination with therapy, reports he’s stopped using substances as a primary coping mechanism.  

Things have mostly settled down, but Kelly is still experiencing the constant mental and emotional stress of worry about his safety, and a desire to see him continue moving forward toward sobriety. After two years of being on high alert at all times, and with the potential of paying for college looming on the horizon, Kelly is reaching the end of her rope, finding it difficult to get enough sleep. Her interactions with her son have become more judgmental than compassionate, and Kelly worries about driving him away.

In this coaching episode, Kelly and I discuss:

• The importance of positive reinforcement as a driver of motivation and change
• Why it’s important to acknowledging the progress both Kelly and her son have made in the past few years
• How to co-create new boundaries that move her son’s current harm reduction strategies toward safer behavior
• How “crowding out” substance use with desired activity works better than restriction and punishment – and how the process could simultaneously improve their relationship
• The “brain dump” method that might help Kelly get better sleep - something she desperately needs

Resource:
Coming to Harm Reduction Kicking and Screaming, Dee Dee Stout

This podcast is part of a nonprofit called Hopestream Community
Learn about The Stream, our private online community for moms
Find us on Instagram: @hopestreamcommunity
Download a free e-book, Worried Sick: A Compassionate Guide For Parents When Your Teen or Young Adult Child Misuses Drugs and Alcohol

Hopestream Community is a registered 501(c)3 nonprofit organization and an Amazon Associate. We may make a small commission if you purchase from our links.

In the words of today's guest, Noel Koons, "We all dent our children."  Though it may seem like so many other families have everything perfectly together, Noel assures us that isn't true – and with more than 13 years of clinical mental health experience counseling families and individuals, he should know.  

In today's episode, Noel explains why these dents are inevitable: It's literally impossible for parents to meet all of their child's emotional needs, many of which rely on social relationships outside the immediate family. And the dents left by our own parents can often frame the way we understand and react to our children.  

During this conversation, Noel gives us a crash course in the six universal emotional needs, why "family of origin" work is so important for us to pay attention to, why parents must present a united front to kids using substances, and why some kids feel like they're just "too much" to expect the fulfillment they need.

Make sure to check out the show notes for links to a more thorough discussion of the six emotional needs, along with to-do items that can help us fulfill them for ourselves and our families.

____________________________________

This podcast is part of a nonprofit called Hopestream Community
Learn about The Stream, our private online community for moms
Find us on Instagram: @hopestreamcommunity
Download a free e-book, Worried Sick: A Compassionate Guide For Parents When Your Teen or Young Adult Child Misuses Drugs and Alcohol

Hopestream Community is a registered 501(c)3 nonprofit organization and an Amazon Associate. We may make a small commission if you purchase from our links.