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    How Can I Change My Emotionally Abusive Tendencies?

    enJune 16, 2021

    Podcast Summary

    • The impact of physical health on mental and emotional wellbeingExcessive food consumption can negatively affect sleep and motivation, emphasizing the importance of self-care for overall wellbeing.

      The condition of our bodies significantly impacts our mental and emotional wellbeing. The speaker shares his personal experience of consuming an excessive amount of cookies after a long fast, which led to poor sleep quality and a lack of motivation to exercise or be present in his role as a parent and professional. He emphasizes the importance of taking care of one's body and not falling off the wagon, even when faced with setbacks. This relates to the experiences of the guests on the show, including a veteran who discusses his past emotional abuse and a young woman dealing with family trauma. By prioritizing self-care, individuals can improve their overall wellbeing and better navigate life's challenges.

    • Recognizing and addressing past emotional abuseAcknowledging past emotional abuse requires bravery and self-reflection. Seeking therapy can help change hurtful patterns learned from family or past relationships.

      Acknowledging and addressing past mistakes, such as emotional abuse in relationships, takes bravery and self-reflection. The speaker, who served in the Marines and has a history of emotional abuse in his past relationships, is currently trying to change his ways and be a better partner. He identified his behavior as emotionally abusive due to his self-centeredness and disregard for his past partners' feelings. He learned this pattern from his father. Emotional abuse is characterized by manipulation and causing emotional distress, rather than physical harm. The speaker's past actions were hurtful and damaging to his partners, and he is now seeking therapy to understand and change his behavior. It takes courage to recognize and admit past mistakes and make amends.

    • Relationships can mirror past experiencesAcknowledge past patterns, strive for honesty, respect, and trust to create a healthy, loving relationship.

      Relationships can reflect past experiences and patterns, potentially leading to unhealthy dynamics if not consciously addressed. The speaker shares his experience of his relationship mirroring his parents' marriage, feeling suffocated, and repeating past mistakes. He acknowledges the importance of being honest, respectful, and trustworthy in a relationship and expresses a desire to break free from past patterns and create a healthy, loving partnership. However, he also expresses skepticism about the possibility of such a relationship due to his past experiences and the experiences of those around him. Ultimately, he is seeking to understand what a healthy, loving relationship looks like and strives to be a better partner.

    • Identifying the gap between desires and actions for personal growthAcknowledge the gap, take responsibility, surround yourself with positivity, and commit to honesty, respect, and self-reflection for personal growth and better relationships.

      Personal growth and relationships require effort and commitment. Marriage, in particular, can be challenging and messy, but it's worth it if both parties are invested in making each other's lives better. To identify what you truly want in life, you must acknowledge the gap between your desires and your current actions. This gap can be uncomfortable, but it's essential for growth. You cannot blame external factors for your unhappiness; instead, you must take responsibility for your choices and work towards your goals. Surrounding yourself with positive influences is also crucial. Ultimately, the question comes down to how badly you want to improve yourself and your relationships. It may be simple to understand, but it's not easy to execute. As the speaker emphasizes, "it's hard. It's simple, but it's hard." To make lasting changes, you must commit to honesty, respect, and self-reflection. When you stumble, as you inevitably will, you must acknowledge your mistakes, learn from them, and keep moving forward.

    • Acknowledge past mistakes, forgive oneself, and let go of guiltRecognize the importance of self-forgiveness and moving past emotional baggage to promote personal growth and happiness.

      Carrying emotional baggage from past mistakes and negative self-perception can hinder personal growth and happiness. It's essential to acknowledge past mistakes, forgive oneself, and let go of guilt to move forward. Emotions, while important, can be misleading, and it's crucial to distinguish between feelings and truth. Communication and vulnerability are key to building trust and understanding in relationships. When faced with emotional challenges, it's helpful to write down thoughts and examine them objectively to gain clarity and perspective. Ultimately, being brave enough to have difficult conversations and seeking help when needed are signs of strength and growth.

    • Healing from trauma and making positive changesTo heal from trauma and make positive changes, prioritize goals, communicate openly, seek support, and take care of mental health. Affordable online therapy from BetterHelp can help.

      Healing from trauma and making positive changes in life requires self-decision and accountability. When we're dealing with heavy burdens and feeling stuck, it's important to untangle our issues and prioritize our goals. In the face of stressors like personal growth, family planning, and career choices, it's essential to communicate openly and seek support. Remember, yelling and lying are signs of losing control, and it's crucial to find a new bandage, or source of support, when the old one no longer serves us. Taking care of our mental health is key, and resources like online therapy from BetterHelp can provide affordable and effective solutions. So, decide where you want to go, and start the journey towards healing and growth today.

    • Exploring the Meaning of Life and WorkThrough introspection and making difficult decisions, one can find meaning and purpose in various types of work. Self-reflection and demanding evidence from thoughts and feelings are crucial in the journey of self-discovery. Grieving the old picture while painting a new one is essential when considering major life changes.

      Finding meaning and purpose in life often involves introspection and making difficult decisions. The speaker in this conversation is grappling with the challenges of starting a family and running a family business, and feeling the need for something more meaningful. He acknowledges that meaning can be found in various types of work, from construction to therapy, and emphasizes the importance of self-reflection and demanding evidence from one's thoughts and feelings. The speaker also shares his experience of considering a major life change, and the importance of grieving the old picture while painting a new one. Overall, this conversation highlights the importance of self-discovery and the courage to make changes in pursuit of a more fulfilling life.

    • Exploring Fears and UncertaintiesThrough self-reflection, communication, and a willingness to explore new possibilities, we can overcome fears and uncertainties to create a fulfilling life.

      Sometimes, fear and uncertainty hold us back from pursuing our dreams and desires. In the conversation, Brendon expressed his fear of taking over his father's business, uncertainty about his future, and longing for a different family structure. However, the speaker encouraged him to face these fears and consider new possibilities, such as exploring a different job or lifestyle with his wife. The conversation highlighted the importance of introspection, communication, and re-framing limitations into opportunities. Despite the challenges, Brendon was not alone in his journey, and with his wife by his side, they could build an exciting adventure together. The key takeaway is that fear and uncertainty are natural, but with self-reflection, communication, and a willingness to explore new possibilities, we can overcome them and create a fulfilling life.

    • Confronting past traumasAcknowledge past hurt, process it, seek closure, surround yourself with support, and create a new positive narrative.

      It's important to confront and address past traumas and hurtful experiences in order to move forward in life. This can involve having difficult conversations with loved ones and making tough decisions about what is truly important. For Sarah, who shared her experience of growing up in a home where she felt like an outsider after her mother and sister were murdered, the pain of the past still lingered despite her efforts to move on. The advice given was to acknowledge the hurt, process it, and consider reaching out to her family for closure. Additionally, it's important to surround oneself with supportive people and create a new positive narrative for oneself. Life is too short to be weighed down by the past.

    • Moving forward is the key to healing from past traumasFocus on creating new experiences and letting go of the past, even if it's painful, for true healing to occur.

      Healing from past traumas does not come from seeking answers and clarity, but rather from moving forward and writing new chapters in one's life. The speaker shared her experiences of her father murdering her mother and her uncle's rejection, which left deep emotional wounds. Despite getting married and having a better grasp on her past, she still experiences moments of feeling unwanted and unloved. The speaker acknowledged that the actions of her father and uncle will never make sense, and the healing process will not come from them providing explanations or apologies. Instead, she encouraged focusing on creating new experiences and letting go of the past, even if it's painful. The speaker's story serves as a reminder that healing is an ongoing process, and it's essential to be kind and compassionate to oneself during the journey.

    • Learning from Past ExperiencesRecognize past experiences, learn from them, focus on present and future, acknowledge and process past hurts, forgive and let go, find support from loved ones, and move forward to find peace and happiness.

      Our past experiences, whether good or bad, shape us, and it's essential to recognize and learn from them while focusing on the present and future. Our bodies and minds may hold onto past traumas, but we have the power to write our own narratives and make new covenants. Trust and safety are crucial in new relationships, and it's important to acknowledge and process past hurts while forgiving and letting go when necessary. Our loved ones, including family, can provide support and help us heal, even if our pasts didn't go as planned. Ultimately, we must learn to focus on moving forward and finding peace and happiness in the present and future.

    • Healing from childhood trauma is a long-term processHealing from childhood trauma is essential for personal growth and creating positive ripples for future generations. Acknowledge old wounds, express gratitude, and make amends when possible.

      Healing from childhood trauma is a long-term process, but it's worth it not only for ourselves, but also for future generations. Sarah's story illustrates this as she learns to let go of the past and find value in herself, forgiving those who caused her pain and paving the way for her children to experience love and healthy relationships. It's important to remember that everyone's journey is unique, and healing often involves acknowledging and addressing old wounds, expressing gratitude for the support of loved ones, and making amends when possible. By doing the hard work of healing, we can create a positive ripple effect that extends beyond ourselves and touches the lives of those around us.

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