Logo
    Search

    How Long Should I Fight for My Marriage?

    enAugust 14, 2023

    Podcast Summary

    • Overcoming obstacles with a positive attitudeBelieve in finding solutions, even when faced with challenges, and preorder John DeLoney's new book 'Building a Nonanxious Life' for a peaceful life and reduced anxiety.

      Even when things seem challenging or difficult, there's always a solution. John DeLoney shares a personal story about losing his keys and being unable to attend a concert, but despite the setbacks, he was able to find a way around it with the help of a friend. This experience serves as a reminder that we should not give up easily and that there's always a way to overcome obstacles. Additionally, DeLoney promotes his new book, "Building a Nonanxious Life," which offers a clear path to building a peaceful life and reducing anxiety. The book is now available for presale, and preordering makes a significant difference. Overall, the message is to keep pushing forward and to believe that there's always a way to find a solution, no matter what challenges come our way.

    • Overcoming challenges in relationshipsEffective communication, perseverance, and self-reflection are crucial in overcoming challenges in relationships.

      Relationships require effort and communication to overcome challenges. The speaker shared an experience of pushing a heavy Tesla car on the side of the highway and the struggles in his post-affair marriage. Both situations tested their limits and required resilience and support from their companions. In the car incident, they managed to reach their destination with the help of a friend. In his marriage, he's working on fostering deep emotional connection and vulnerability with his wife through open communication and self-improvement. The speaker acknowledged that he's not perfect but is committed to making things work and creating an environment where his wife feels safe and valued. Ultimately, the speaker's experiences highlight the importance of perseverance, self-reflection, and effective communication in overcoming obstacles in relationships.

    • Acknowledging past transgressions in a relationshipRecognizing past mistakes is important, but moving forward and rebuilding trust is necessary for growth. Effective communication and forgiveness are key.

      Relationships can be complex and exhausting, especially when old patterns resurface and trust has been broken. The speaker acknowledges that he has put divorce on the table, but his partner struggles to move past the past and feels betrayed by his actions. The speaker admits that his affair was driven by a need for connection and intimacy, but his partner continues to bring up past transgressions. Both parties seem stuck in their ways, with the speaker feeling tired of the cycle and the partner feeling disrespected. It's a tricky situation where two things can be true at once – the past cannot be ignored, but moving forward is necessary for growth. The speaker expresses remorse and has forgiven himself, but it seems that forgiveness has not been fully reciprocated. The relationship is at a crossroads, and both parties need to find a way to communicate effectively and rebuild trust.

    • Open communication and clarity are essential for a healthy relationshipApologies and acknowledgement are important, but actions speak louder than words. Prioritize open communication, mutual respect, and clear boundaries to rebuild trust and connection in a relationship.

      Communication and clarity are crucial in maintaining a healthy relationship. The speaker shared a personal experience of feeling unsupported during a difficult time and the long-lasting impact it had on their relationship. Apologies and acknowledgement are important, but actions speak louder than words. If a relationship feels stale or unfulfilling, it may be time for a heart-to-heart conversation with clear boundaries and a commitment to moving forward without bringing up past grievances. Couples therapy can be beneficial in facilitating these conversations and helping to rebuild trust and connection. Ultimately, it's essential to prioritize open communication and mutual respect in order to nurture a strong and loving partnership.

    • Communication and vulnerability in marriageEffective communication and vulnerability are crucial in maintaining a healthy marriage. Both partners need to engage in open and honest dialogue, acknowledge past mistakes, and prioritize the relationship for ongoing growth.

      Effective communication and vulnerability are crucial in maintaining a healthy and fulfilling marriage. However, it's important to recognize that both partners need to be willing to engage in open and honest dialogue. If one partner feels unsafe or unwilling to express their needs, it can lead to feelings of disconnection and potential separation. It's essential to acknowledge past mistakes and work together to find a solution that benefits both individuals. Ultimately, the relationship requires both parties to prioritize the relationship and commit to ongoing effort and growth. While seeking professional help can be beneficial, it's also important for couples to take responsibility for their actions and initiate open conversations. In summary, communication, vulnerability, and a mutual commitment to growth are essential components of a successful marriage.

    • Maintaining Dignity and Respect in RelationshipsHonestly communicate about future, seek therapy, address underlying issues, and avoid distractions for healthy relationships

      No matter how long or difficult a relationship may seem, it's important to maintain dignity and respect for oneself and one's partner during challenging times. The speaker encourages couples to have an honest conversation about their future, and offers the suggestion of seeking therapy as a means of recharging one's emotional battery when feeling stuck or overwhelmed. The speaker also emphasizes the importance of addressing underlying issues rather than relying on external distractions like social media for temporary relief. Additionally, the speaker promotes BetterHelp as a convenient and flexible option for accessing therapy services online.

    • Acknowledging Technology Addiction and Creating New HabitsRecognize the impact of technology addiction, delete apps, and add positive activities to create a healthier balance.

      Both John and Sharon are struggling with addiction to technology, specifically social media, and it's negatively impacting their lives and relationships. John suggested framing this issue as an addiction, and they both acknowledged they need to create new habits and add positive activities into their routines to replace the time spent scrolling. John challenged Sharon to delete social media apps for 30 days and sign up for two classes to engage in social activities and build connections outside of the digital world. It's essential to recognize the importance of balancing technology use with real-life experiences and relationships.

    • Step out of your comfort zone and discover new passionsChallenge yourself to try two new classes for 30 days, one athletic and one artistic, to discover new interests and passions while committing to radical dedication and personal growth.

      It's essential to challenge yourself to step out of your comfort zone and try new things, even if you're feeling stuck at home. You can't just take things away; you have to fill the void with something new and meaningful. The speaker suggests signing up for two classes for 30 days, one athletic and one artistic, to discover new passions and interests. Committing to this challenge requires radical dedication, such as putting away distractions like phones and making social connections. Remember that you're worth more than a numbed-out life, and there are valuable adventures and experiences waiting for you. The speaker also emphasizes the importance of personalized and science-backed supplements from Thorne to support a healthy and active lifestyle.

    • Balancing mental health and financial stability for familiesFamilies dealing with mental health issues need to prioritize both mental health care and financial stability to ensure overall well-being.

      Mental health and financial stability are interconnected, and prioritizing both is crucial for families. Maria, a listener of the show, shared her personal struggle with balancing her family's financial situation while helping her 14-year-old daughter cope with major depressive disorder, generalized anxiety, and tics. The trauma from a previous hospitalization left her daughter dealing with emotional scars, requiring professional help and a stable home environment. The family, consisting of Maria, her husband, and her brother, is working towards debt repayment while ensuring their daughter receives the necessary care and support. The experience serves as a reminder that mental health issues can arise unexpectedly, and addressing them alongside financial concerns is essential for overall well-being.

    • Helicopter Parenting and Its Impact on Child's DevelopmentHelicopter parenting, while well-intentioned, can hinder a child's ability to navigate challenges independently, potentially leading to negative outcomes. Parents should find the right balance between support and independence, working closely with professionals to ensure their child's development.

      Helicopter parenting, even with the best intentions, can inadvertently stifle a child's development and potentially lead to negative outcomes. In the discussed case, parents were providing their daughter with every opportunity and resource she desired, but their over-involvement and monitoring may have hindered her ability to navigate challenges on her own. The therapist's advice to back off and give the child more space was misguided, and the removal of monitoring software proved to be detrimental. The importance of parents' presence and support during adolescence cannot be overstated, and the notion that peers are the most influential figures in a teenager's life is a misconception. It's crucial for parents to work closely with professionals to find the right balance and provide their children with the necessary guidance and emotional support.

    • Prioritizing mental health over financial goalsCreating a safe environment, addressing underlying issues, and focusing on building a strong bond can improve a child's mental health and well-being.

      Prioritizing a child's mental health and well-being is more important than financial goals. A traumatized child may struggle to communicate, and it's essential to create a safe environment where they feel comfortable sharing their feelings. Simple gestures like having regular breakfasts or chats can help strengthen the bond between parents and children. However, it's crucial to address any underlying issues, such as bullying or past traumas, with the help of professionals. Parents should aim to be their child's most significant connection and not force their presence but instead focus on building a strong, loving relationship. With the increasing mental health concerns among middle schoolers, especially those who have experienced prolonged lockdowns, it's vital to prioritize emotional well-being over material possessions.

    • Creating a structured routine for a family member's mental healthSetting aside specific days for activities, maintaining open communication with therapists, respecting privacy, practicing self-care, and implementing daily choices to reduce anxiety are beneficial for supporting a family member's mental health.

      Creating a structured routine for a family, especially for a child experiencing mental health issues, can be beneficial. This can involve setting aside specific days for certain activities and maintaining open communication with therapists. It's important for parents not to overstep boundaries and invade their child's privacy, but rather work together to ensure their overall well-being. Additionally, practicing self-care and implementing daily choices to reduce anxiety, as discussed in Jon Dalton's book "Building a Nonanxious Life," can be helpful for individuals dealing with anxious feelings or stress. Overall, addressing mental health issues requires a global approach, involving the whole family and professional help when necessary.

    Recent Episodes from The Dr. John Delony Show

    Something to Stand For (With Mike Rowe)

    Something to Stand For (With Mike Rowe)
    On today’s episode, John sits down with Mike Rowe to talk about his new film, Something to Stand For. Offers From Today's Sponsors ·      10% off your first month of therapy at BetterHelp ·      3 free months of Hallow ·      25% off Thorne orders ·      20% off Organifi orders with code DELONY ·      Up to 30% off + 2 pillows at Helix Sleep Next Steps ▶️ Watch the trailer for Mike Rowe’s new movie, Something to Stand For. 🛠️ Learn more about the mikeroweWORKS Foundation. ✅ Find Mike Rowe on socials:  Facebook: @therealmikerowe Instagram: @mikerowe X: @mikeroweworks YouTube: @therealmikerowe 🎙️Listen to Mike Rowe’s podcast, The Way I Heard It, on all major podcast apps: Apple Podcasts Spotify 📞 Ask John a question! Call 844-693-3291 or send us a message. 📚 Building a Non-Anxious Life 📝 Anxiety Test 📚 Own Your Past, Change Your Future ❓ Questions for Humans Conversation Cards 💭 John's Free Guided Meditation   Listen to More From Ramsey Network 🎙️ The Ramsey Show 💸 The Ramsey Show Highlights   🍸 Smart Money Happy Hour 💡 The Rachel Cruze Show 💰 George Kamel 💼 The Ken Coleman Show 📈 The EntreLeadership Podcast   Ramsey Solutions Privacy Policy https://www.ramseysolutions.com/company/policies/privacy-policy

    I Lash Out at Those I Love the Most

    I Lash Out at Those I Love the Most
    On today’s episode, we hear about: ·      A man who lashes out at loved ones and struggles to control his temper ·      A woman who worries about her husband’s drinking problem and how it affects her family ·      A woman who’s considering divorce after discovering her husband’s secret financial activity Offers From Today's Sponsors ·      10% off your first month of therapy at BetterHelp ·      3 free months of Hallow ·      25% off Thorne orders ·      20% off Organifi orders with code DELONY ·      Up to 30% off + 2 pillows at Helix Sleep Next Steps 📞 Ask John a question! Call 844-693-3291 or send us a message. 📚 Building a Non-Anxious Life 📝 Anxiety Test 📚 Own Your Past, Change Your Future ❓ Questions for Humans Conversation Cards 💭 John's Free Guided Meditation   Listen to More From Ramsey Network 🎙️ The Ramsey Show 💸 The Ramsey Show Highlights   🍸 Smart Money Happy Hour 💡 The Rachel Cruze Show 💰 George Kamel 💼 The Ken Coleman Show 📈 The EntreLeadership Podcast   Ramsey Solutions Privacy Policy https://www.ramseysolutions.com/company/policies/privacy-policy

    I Hit My Boyfriend and I’m So Ashamed

    I Hit My Boyfriend and I’m So Ashamed
    On today’s episode, we hear about: ·      A woman who hit her boyfriend and wants to resolve the root of her anger ·      A man debating if he should break up with his girlfriend who is in significant debt ·      A woman who filed a report on her sister-in-law and upset her in-laws Offers From Today's Sponsors ·      10% off your first month of therapy at BetterHelp ·      Three free months of Hallow ·      25% off Thorne orders ·      20% off Organifi with code DELONY ·      Up to 30% off and two free pillows at Helix Sleep Next Steps 📞 Ask John a question! Call 844-693-3291 or send us a message. 📚 Building a Non-Anxious Life 📝 Anxiety Test 📚 Own Your Past, Change Your Future ❓ Questions for Humans Conversation Cards 💭 John's Free Guided Meditation   Listen to More From Ramsey Network 🎙️ The Ramsey Show 💸 The Ramsey Show Highlights   🍸 Smart Money Happy Hour 💡 The Rachel Cruze Show 💰 George Kamel 💼 The Ken Coleman Show 📈 EntreLeadership     Ramsey Solutions Privacy Policy https://www.ramseysolutions.com/company/policies/privacy-policy

    How Do I Voice My Needs in Relationships?

    How Do I Voice My Needs in Relationships?
    On today’s episode, we hear about: ·      A woman who struggles to express her needs in her relationship ·      A man wondering how to navigate a new relationship after his recent divorce ·      A woman who worries her son-in-law isn’t a good provider for her daughter Offers From Today's Sponsors ·      10% off your first month of therapy at BetterHelp ·      Three free months of Hallow ·      25% off Thorne orders ·      20% off Organifi with code DELONY ·      Up to 30% off and two free pillows at Helix Sleep Next Steps 📞 Ask John a question! Call 844-693-3291 or send us a message. 📚 Building a Non-Anxious Life 📝 Anxiety Test 📚 Own Your Past, Change Your Future ❓ Questions for Humans Conversation Cards 💭 John's Free Guided Meditation   Listen to More From Ramsey Network 🎙️ The Ramsey Show 💸 The Ramsey Show Highlights   🍸 Smart Money Happy Hour 💡 The Rachel Cruze Show 💰 George Kamel 💼 The Ken Coleman Show 📈 EntreLeadership     Ramsey Solutions Privacy Policy https://www.ramseysolutions.com/company/policies/privacy-policy

    My Daughter Saw My Husband Kissing Another Woman

    My Daughter Saw My Husband Kissing Another Woman
    On today’s episode, we hear about: ·      A woman whose daughter caught her husband kissing the neighbor ·      A widow struggling to navigate through life on her own ·      A man who wants to talk about finances without upsetting his wife Offers From Today's Sponsors ·      10% off your first month of therapy at BetterHelp ·      3 free months of Hallow ·      25% off Thorne orders ·      20% off Organifi with code DELONY ·      Up to 30% off + 2 pillows at Helix Sleep Next Steps 📞 Ask John a question! Call 844-693-3291 or send us a message. 📚 Building a Non-Anxious Life 📝 Anxiety Test 📚 Own Your Past, Change Your Future ❓ Questions for Humans Conversation Cards 💭 John's Free Guided Meditation   Listen to More From Ramsey Network 🎙️ The Ramsey Show 💸 The Ramsey Show Highlights   🍸 Smart Money Happy Hour 💡 The Rachel Cruze Show 💰 George Kamel 💼 The Ken Coleman Show 📈 EntreLeadership   Ramsey Solutions Privacy Policy https://www.ramseysolutions.com/company/policies/privacy-policy

    My New Wife Hid Her Disordered Eating

    My New Wife Hid Her Disordered Eating
    On today’s episode, we hear about:  -       A newlywed who just learned of his wife’s struggle with disordered eating -       A mom wondering if she should have another child -       A high school that took a radical stance on cell phone use Offers From Today's Sponsors 10% off your first month of therapy at BetterHelp 3 free months of Hallow  25% off Thorne orders  20% off Organifi with code DELONY Up to 30% off + 2 free pillows at Helix Sleep   Next Steps 📞 Ask John a question! Call 844-693-3291 or send us a message. 📚 Building a Non-Anxious Life 📝 Anxiety Test  📚 Own Your Past, Change Your Future  ❓ Questions for Humans Conversation Cards  💭 John's Free Guided Meditation  Listen to More From Ramsey Network 🎙️ The Ramsey Show 💸 The Ramsey Show Highlights   🍸 Smart Money Happy Hour 💡 The Rachel Cruze Show 💰 George Kamel 💼 The Ken Coleman Show 📈 EntreLeadership   Ramsey Solutions Privacy Policy https://www.ramseysolutions.com/company/policies/privacy-policy

    Should I Adopt My Wife’s Son?

    Should I Adopt My Wife’s Son?
    On today’s episode, we hear about: -       A man wondering if he should adopt his wife’s son -       A woman struggling to balance work, school and home life -       A wife worried about starting a family on her husband’s income   Offers From Today's Sponsors 10% off your first month of therapy at BetterHelp 3 free months of Hallow  25% off Thorne orders  20% off Organifi with code DELONY Up to 30% off + 2 free pillows off Helix Sleep Next Steps 📞 Ask John a question! Call 844-693-3291 or send us a message. 📚 Building a Non-Anxious Life 📝 Anxiety Test  📚 Own Your Past, Change Your Future  ❓ Questions for Humans Conversation Cards  💭 John's Free Guided Meditation  💭 Learn more about Nina Rehu and Mother Untitled   Listen to More From Ramsey Network 🎙️ The Ramsey Show 💸 The Ramsey Show Highlights   🍸 Smart Money Happy Hour 💡 The Rachel Cruze Show 💰 George Kamel 💼 The Ken Coleman Show 📈 EntreLeadership   Ramsey Solutions Privacy Policy https://www.ramseysolutions.com/company/policies/privacy-policy

    My Ex-Wife Continues to Make Our Lives Miserable

    My Ex-Wife Continues to Make Our Lives Miserable
    On today’s episode, we hear about:  - A husband struggling with his current wife’s dislike for his ex - A woman haunted by the trial she served as a juror in - A man unsure how to forgive his father for leaving the family   Offers From Today's Sponsors 10% off your first month of therapy at BetterHelp 3 free months of Hallow  25% off Thorne orders  20% off Organifi with code DELONY Up to 30% off + 2 free pillows off Helix Sleep   Next Steps 📞 Ask John a question! Call 844-693-3291 or send us a message. 📚 Building a Non-Anxious Life 📝 Anxiety Test  📚 Own Your Past, Change Your Future  ❓ Questions for Humans Conversation Cards  💭 John's Free Guided Meditation     Listen to More From Ramsey Network 🎙️ The Ramsey Show 💸 The Ramsey Show Highlights   🍸 Smart Money Happy Hour 💡 The Rachel Cruze Show 💰 George Kamel 💼 The Ken Coleman Show 📈 EntreLeadership   Ramsey Solutions Privacy Policy https://www.ramseysolutions.com/company/policies/privacy-policy

    I Think My Coworkers Are Having an Affair

    I Think My Coworkers Are Having an Affair
    On this episode, we hear about:   ·     A conflicted employee who suspects their boss and a coworker are having an affair ·      A mom struggling to teach her son about lying ·      A mother striving to mend the strained relationship between her almost ex-husband and their daughter   Offers From Today's Sponsors 10% off your first month of therapy at BetterHelp!   3 free months of Hallow  25% off Thorne orders  20% off Organifi with code: DELONY 20% off + 2 Free Pillows at Helix Sleep Next Steps 📞 Ask John a question! Call 844-693-3291 or click here! 📚 Get Building a Non-Anxious Life 📝 Take the Anxiety Test  📚 Own Your Past, Change Your Future  ❓ Questions for Humans Conversation Cards  💭 John's Free Guided Meditation  John’s Book Recommendations The Berenstain Bears and the Truth What If Everybody Did That? What If Everybody Said That? Listen to More From Ramsey Network 🎙️ The Ramsey Show   🍸 Smart Money Happy Hour 💡 The Rachel Cruze Show 💸 The Ramsey Show Highlights 💰 George Kamel 💼 The Ken Coleman Show 📈 EntreLeadership   Ramsey Solutions Privacy Policy https://www.ramseysolutions.com/compa…

    I Kicked My Husband out of the House

    I Kicked My Husband out of the House
    On this episode, we hear about: ·      A woman grappling with her husband’s violent outbursts ·      A husband seeking advice on how to support his anxious wife ·      New parents facing the tough decision of moving away from family   Offers From Today's Sponsors 10% off your first month of therapy at BetterHelp!   3 free months of Hallow  25% off Thorne orders  20% off Organifi with code: DELONY Up to 30% off + 2 Free Pillows at Helix Sleep Next Steps 📞 Ask John a question! Call 844-693-3291 or click here! 📚 Get Building a Non-Anxious Life 📝 Take the Anxiety Test  📚 Own Your Past, Change Your Future  ❓ Questions for Humans Conversation Cards  💭 John's Free Guided Meditation  Listen to More From Ramsey Network 🎙️ The Ramsey Show   🍸 Smart Money Happy Hour 💡 The Rachel Cruze Show 💸 The Ramsey Show Highlights 💰 George Kamel 💼 The Ken Coleman Show 📈 EntreLeadership   Ramsey Solutions Privacy Policy https://www.ramseysolutions.com/compa…

    Related Episodes

    Dating Outside Your Culture with Noura Bermudez, LMFT

    Dating Outside Your Culture with Noura Bermudez, LMFT

    -What does codependency look like in women attempting to date outside their culture?

    -How can codependency with your family prevent you from dating outside your culture (and what are the short- and long-term consequences?)

    -If you do date interculturally, what should you be prepared to navigate from the reactions/response from your family?

    Welcome to Episode 157! This week, I’m joined by Noura Bermudez, LMFT, to explore codependency in women who date outside their culture (a.k.a. dating interculturally). Noura opens up about her own experience being codependent with her father and what that relationship was like to navigate when she started to date (and eventually marry!) outside her culture despite his disapproval. Noura describes what codependency looks like in women and their families when they begin to attempt to date interculturally and the consequences of this. You’ll hear Noura list what women should be prepared to navigate if their families respond with judgment, shame, prejudice, and threats to disown them. We conclude with steps you can take to cultivate your own autonomy in these situations. It’s a must-listen!

    Links for the show:

    Sign up for the newsletter to receive all things codependummy: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497  

    Journal! The Confiding Codependummy: 30 Days of Journaling Prompts for a Less-Codependent and More-Conscious YOU for just $1 a day. www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing 

    FREEBIE! The Self-Validation Challenge: Learn to validate your GD self: www.codependummy.com/challenge 

    Money! Funds! Help support the show via a one-time donation via secure Paypal link: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC 

    Work with me! Email marissa@codependummy.com to inquire about psychotherapy, coaching, or coming on the show!

    More on this week’s guest:

    Noura Bermudez is a mindfulness-based therapist who helps women in intercultural relationships experiencing rejection and/or disownment by their parents, live authentically and confidently with the choices they have made about dating. Has experience working with Middle Eastern women with immigrant parents. Practicing therapy for 10 years and has a private practice in CA. 

    www.bermudeztherapy.com 

    www.instagram.com/bermudeztherapy/ 

    More deets on the episode: 

    We begin with hearing Noura’s definition of codependency: when someone has to sacrifice their authenticity to have or maintain a connection. Seen when someone disowns themselves or a part of themselves, disowns their needs for something the want–love, approval, affection, etc. Noura emphasizes how there is a perk or benefit to our codependency–we just usually aren’t conscious of it. 

    Noura opens up about codependency in her own life, including in her relationship with her father. She describes growing up and trying to meet his expectations and standards as a Muslim. This led to her keeping her dating life a secret from him since she dated outside her Muslim and Middle Eastern culture. She ended up marrying outside her culture and, while this put a strain on her relationship with her father, she was eventually able to heal it by putting intentional distance in their relationship and through conversations. 

    We shift gears to Noura’s specialty: dating interculturally! She describes what codependency with family can look like in women who date outside their culture: living a secret life, hiding, secrecy, yearning for her family’s approval, not feeling okay until the parents’ feel okay, strain in the relationship, feelings like resentment, and attempts to convince/negotiate with family to approve of their partner. Sounds like My Big Fat Greek Wedding, yes???

    Noura lists the short- and long-term consequences of codependency in these women, including sadness, a sense of grief, abandonment, underlying unhappiness, and attempts to conform to the family’s expectations by dating within the culture. Noura’s opinion: codependency and conforming with family’s expectations is not sustainable. 

    Noura encourages women who want to date outside their culture to prepare for their family having their own reaction, getting in touch with their values and their ‘why,’ leaning on their support system, and inviting conversations. For the harsher realities like racism, prejudice, and disownment that may come when attempting to date outside one’s culture, Noura encourages seeking professional help, setting boundaries, and cultivating one’s own autonomy. 

    We conclude with Noura emphasizing how radical acceptance, intentional distance, and having conversations with family can help the most in these situations. 

    Thanks for coming on Noura! And thank you for being here, dear listener!

    PLEASE:

    Rate. 

    Review.

    Subscribe. 

    Share.

    We need more ratings on Spotify! TY!

    www.codependummy.com 

    See you next week! 

     

    Set Boundaries with Intention with Lisa Hammett

    Set Boundaries with Intention with Lisa Hammett

    -What does it mean to set boundaries with intention?

    -How can we say ‘no’ when we mean no and ‘yes’ when we mean yes? It’s easier said than done!

    -When we set boundaries, how does that lead to us living with more authenticity?

    Welcome to Episode 113! This week, I am joined by Lisa Hammett, Success Coach, for a deep dive into her book From Burnout to Best Life. Lisa shares with out about her descent into burnout, ways she was able to build herself back up, and how she helps her coaching clients do the same. We explore setting boundaries and how we can set them with intention in order to maintain them with conviction. Lisa warns us about the consequences of being a people-pleaser with poor boundaries and then guides us on how to get intentional when making them. We conclude with tips on how to get in touch with our fears surrounding boundaries in order to live more authentically in our relationships. It’s a must-listen!

    Lisa Hammett is an international best-selling author, TEDx speaker, and a Success Coach. She helps stressed and burned out business owners and executives develop mental fitness, manage stress and anxiety, and get healthy. She is a certified Life Coach and is currently getting her certification in Positive Intelligence. Her international best-selling book, From Burnout to Best Life is available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and other distribution channels.

    www.lisahammett.com 

    https://www.linkedin.com/in/lisahammett/ 

    https://www.facebook.com/healthylivinglisahammett 

    https://www.instagram.com/lisa.hammett/ 

    https://twitter.com/lisahammett 

    Download her free workbook here → www.lisahammett.com 

     

    Links for the show:

    Sign up for the newsletter to receive all things codependummy: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 

    Journal! The Confiding Codependummy: 30 Days of Journaling Prompts for a Less-Codependent and More-Conscious YOU for just $1 a day. www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing

    FREEBIE! The Self-Validation Challenge: Learn to validate your GD self: www.codependummy.com/challenge 

    Money! Funds! Help support the show via a one-time donation via secure Paypal link: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC

    More deets on the episode: 

    We begin with hearing Lisa’s definition of codependency: taking loyalty to a very dysfunctional level. She shares about a codependent friendship and how she and her friend got to the point where their loyalty led dysfunction which resulted in a blow out.

    We then dive into Lisa’s book, From Burnout to Best Life.

    From page 72: When we say yes to something, we’re saying no to something else. By always saying yes, we’re allowing others to control our lives. How does Lisa help her clients mean it when they say ‘yes’ and ‘no?’ She emphasizes how it comes down to learning how to say it. The key thing about saying what we mean is in the way in which we say it: if we say no, Lisa suggest we offer a solution.

    From page 85: If boundaries are not set and balance is not maintained, it can lead to serious mental and physical health problems. What kind of problems has Lisa seen? She opens up about her own burnout and how her coaching clients often come to her with their relationships and health in disarray. In order to help them, she works at teaching them to recognize there are things they can say ‘no’ to in order to take care of themselves and their relationships. 

    From page 97: Set healthy boundaries. What are the common boundaries Lisa helps her clients set? Most often, she begins by helping her clients take control of their calendars. Codependents often give their time to others so she aids her clients in seeing where they can make time for themselves, their self-care, their appointments, etc. to have more balance.

    From age 110: As humans, we want to be liked…When we are rejected, it’s defeating. To avoid rejection…we may suppress our true selves…become inauthentic…What are the initial steps Lisa takes to help her clients live more authentically? She guides them with getting in touch with their fears, get curious of how their fears can be a blessing or an opportunity, and then they are more empowered to live with authenticity in the world. 

    Thank you for coming Lisa! And thank you for being here dear listener!

    PLEASE:

    Rate. 

    Review.

    Subscribe. 

    Share.

    We need more ratings on Spotify! Appreciate it!

    -Get your copy of the Confiding Codependummy: 30 days of journaling prompts for a less-codependent and more-conscious you! www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing 

    -The Self-Validation Challenge - free 30-day guide to providing yourself with all the validation you seek: www.codependummy.com/challenge

    -If you are wanting to dive into your codependency deeper one-on-one, please email marissa@codependumy.com

    -Sign up for the newsletter: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 

    Support the show via a one-time secure donation: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC 

    See you next week! 

    Self-Compassion with Cori Rosenthal, LMFT

    Self-Compassion with Cori Rosenthal, LMFT

    -Why is self-compassion so foreign to codependents, especially those who have food and body issues?

    -What is mindful self-compassion and how can it help us heal from codependency?

    -What are the initial steps we can take to cultivate a self-compassion practice?

    Welcome to Episode 133! This week, Cori Rosenthal, LMFT, is back to educate us on mindful self-compassion. In the episode, you’ll hear Cori and I discuss the interconnection between codependency, food, weight, and body image. Cori describes how codependents are vulnerable to said issues since we often have low self-worth, attempt to self-soothe (possibly by over- or under-eating), and receive positive feedback when we meet (or attempt to meet) ideals of conventional beauty. It’s a vicious cycle that leaves us disconnected. Cori believes mindful self-compassion can help us heal from all this. She shares about her work integrating self-compassion and how you can start providing self-compassion to yourself asap. It’s a must-listen!

    Links for the show:

    Sign up for the newsletter to receive all things codependummy: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 

    Journal! The Confiding Codependummy: 30 Days of Journaling Prompts for a Less-Codependent and More-Conscious YOU for just $1 a day. www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing

    FREEBIE! The Self-Validation Challenge: Learn to validate your GD self: www.codependummy.com/challenge 

    Money! Funds! Help support the show via a one-time donation via secure Paypal link: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC

    Work with me! Email marissa@codependummy.com to inquire about psychotherapy, coaching, or coming on the show!

    More on this week’s guest: 

    Cori Rosenthal is a licensed therapist based out of southern California. Her training in mindful self-compassion informs her work with teens and adults. Cori specializes in working with intimacy and codependency, food and body issues, trauma, anxiety. 

    SIGN-UP FOR CORI’S FREE SELF-COMPASSION INTRODUCTION by emailing cori@corirosenthal.com 

    Corirosenthal.com

    https://www.instagram.com/cori_lmft/ 

    Cori’s first episode on the Codependummy Podcast: 

    YT: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FXxEq0yOKDs 

    Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/codependency-and-food-weight-body-image-with/id1550681775?i=1000508146785

    Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/episode/4REHu0vcAXUpiidHY5qAlx?si=6A3MuZSYTBOGGNlr91Y17w 

    More deets on the episode: 

    We begin with hearing Cori’s definition of codependency: due to developmental “misses” or trauma in childhood–often childhood neglect–one develops a pattern of seeking value from others. Cori differentiates between emotional neglect and “good enough parenting” to help us understand where codependency comes from. As adults, we often don’t realize what needs went unmet. We often did not develop an emotional language and our emotions were not validated. 

    Cori opens up about a codependent experience from her own life with a friend. “She was my person and I would suffer on my own until I could talk to her.” She reflects on how she was able to make positive changes thanks to hearing a metaphor on dixie cups that encouraged her to create a “team.” Now, Cori knows her strengths as a friend and the categories of people she needs on her team. She encourages us all to ask: Where are my strengths as a support? and What positions do I need on my team?

    We then dive into mindful self-compassion and how it helps with codependency, food, and body issues. Codependents are often vulnerable to food and body issues since we have low self-worth, self-soothe (possibly through food), then receive praise from others when we are “disciplined” or meet conventional beauty standards. 

    Mindful Self-Compassion, as created by Kristen Neff, involves:

    1. Mindfulness (versus over-identification)

    2. Common humanity 

    3. Self-kindness

    Cori breaks down how we walk through each aspect and how that helps us identify our needs then take action.

    In her work with clients, Cori helps them create self-compassion through repetition, identifying emotions and needs, repeating phrases (like I’m human, it’s okay), and developing their emotional IQ. It’s all about understanding what you didn’t get in childhood then giving it to yourself. 

    Thanks for coming on Cori! And thank you for listening, my dear listener!

    PLEASE:

    Rate. 

    Review.

    Subscribe. 

    Share.

    We need more ratings on Spotify! TY!

    -The Self-Validation Challenge - free 30-day guide to providing yourself with all the validation you seek: www.codependummy.com/challenge

    -Get your copy of the Confiding Codependummy: 30 days of journaling prompts for a less-codependent and more-conscious you! www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing 

    -If you are wanting to dive into your codependency deeper one-on-one, please email marissa@codependumy.com to work with me!

    -Sign up for the newsletter: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 

    -Support the show via a one-time secure donation: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC 

    See you next week!

    E482 Ask Nick - Addicted to Toxic Work Situationship

    E482 Ask Nick - Addicted to Toxic Work Situationship

    Welcome back to another juicy and exciting episode of The Viall Files: Ask Nick Edition! On this show, we’re here to help with all your burning questions about dating and relationships! We bring on our first caller, who has been in a long distance relationship for a long time with her boyfriend. After it looks like they are able to move much closer and no longer have to do long distance, our caller wonders how to best transition into this new phase, being able to enjoy each other but also respect the space they might need. Our next caller finds herself stuck in a toxic work environment when a situationship starts to go astray. Having an intense  emotional relationship with someone you work with everyday, our caller feels stress when not being able to set proper boundaries both at work and in the situationship with her coworker. Our last caller struggles when her husband's friend continues to try to insert himself and befriend our caller’s family. After her mother says she’s getting DMs from this friend, our caller is unsure how to read his intentions and how to set boundaries while also potentially being supportive if need be. 

    “My therapist called him a drug” 

    Please make sure to subscribe so you don’t miss an episode and as always send in your relationship questions to asknick@kastmedia.com to be a part of our Monday episodes. 

    Pre-Order Nick’s Book: https://www.abramsbooks.com/product/dont-text-your-ex-happy-birthday_9781419755491/

    Support a Local Bookstore: https://bookshop.org/books/don-t-text-your-ex-happy-birthday-and-other-advice-on-love-sex-and-dating-9798212185622/9781419755491

    Check out our new "Introvert" merch at http://www.viallfiles.com today!

    If you would like to get some advice on Office Hours send an email to asknick@kastmedia.com with “Office Hours” in the subject line! 

    THANK YOU TO OUR SPONSORS:

    Babbel: Right now, get up to 55% off your subscription when you go to http://www.BABBEL.com/viall. Babbel—Language for life.

    Canva: Design like a pro with Canva Pro! Right now, you can get a FREE 45-day extended trial when you go to Canva.me/VIALL.

    FirstLeaf: Sign up today and you’ll get your first 6 bottles for $39.95 plus free shipping. Go to http://www.TryFirstleaf.com/VIALL.

    Caraway: Visit http://www.Carawayhome.com/VIALL to take advantage of this limited-time offer for 10% off your next purchase. Caraway. Non-Toxic cookware made modern.

    Episode Socials: 
    @viallfiles
    @nickviall

    See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

    Just Say “NO”

    Just Say “NO”

    Why is it so easy for codependents to deny their feelings?

    What does denial look like for codependents?

    How can you identify if and when you are in denial and attune to yourself?

    In this episode, we will be looking at patterns of denial in codependency. Denial is not just a river in Egypt! Get it, Da Nile? We will review a list of behaviors that codependents tend to use–consciously and unconsciously–to deny their feelings, thoughts, and needs. I open up about gaining the courage to “just say ‘no’” to potential guests for the podcast and how, due to my denial, it was hard! It’s hard to be aware of how you are feeling and be able to say that in the moment–but we are working towards it. We end with ways for you to start building that awareness within yourself so you don’t have to keep denying yourself, ya dummy! It’s a must-listen!

    Helpful links:

    www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing - check out The Confiding Codependummy for just $1 a day for the next month (it’s $30 total). 

    www.codependummy.com - check out the Self-Validation Challenge for free!

    More deets on this week’s episode:

    We start with a check-in as usual. 

    I then describe the 9 symptoms of denial as spelled out by Codependents Anonymous. How do you relate? Which stand out most to you:

    Codependents…

    Have difficulty identifying what they are feeling

    Minimize, alter, or deny how they truly feel

    Perceive themselves as completely unselfish and dedicated to the well-being of others

    Lack empathy for the feelings and needs of others

    Label others with their negative traits

    Think they can take care of themselves without any help from others

    Mask pain in various ways such as anger, humor, or isolation

    Express negativity or aggression in indirect and passive ways

    Do not recognize the unavailability of those people to whom they are attracted

    I then share about ways I was in denial but practiced attunement during four interactions with potential guests on. the. podcast! 

    -Cool media therapist with too much back-and-forth correspondence

    -the women’s mental health therapist who never mentioned codependency in her initial email

    -the therapist who perceived me as “bored” in a recent episode interview 

    -the poor sound quality interview that had to be rescheduled

    I still have yet to end an interview prematurely due to a poor fit, however, cancelling ahead of time due to a misalignment feels good!

    For you:

    How does denial show up in your own life?

    Where does it come up the most: family, friends, work, partner?

    What are the “costs” of remaining in denial? Do you lose money, time, miss out on opportunities or other relationships?

    What would it be like to focus on self-attunement and do what you can to attune to rather than deny your feelings?

    What’s one feeling you need to acknowledge this week to stop the pattern of denial in your life?

    I love you. The end!

    PLEASE R.R.S.S:

    Rate. 

    Review.

    Subscribe. 

    Share.

    If you’re needing more, get your copy of the confiding codependummy 30 days of journaling prompts for a less-codependent and more-conscious you! www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing 

    Self-Validation Challenge - free 30-day guide to providing yourself with all the validation you seek: www.codependummy.com 

    Also, if you are wanting to dive into your codependency deeper one-on-one, please email marissa@codependumy.com

    Please rate, review, subscribe and share! Love you!