Podcast Summary
Understanding the meaning we attach to experiences: Focus on changing the meaning we assign to experiences rather than dwelling on the past to improve mental health and overall well-being.
Our thought process plays a significant role in how we perceive and deal with our problems. According to Alex Tremosy, many therapists may ask questions like "what does that mean to you?" to help individuals understand the meaning they attach to their experiences. However, Tremosy argues that most therapists may not have a clear understanding of what they're doing and could unintentionally reinforce negative thought patterns. Instead, Tremosy suggests focusing on changing the meaning we assign to our experiences rather than dwelling on the past. He emphasizes that our thoughts can either help or hinder us, and by recognizing and challenging negative thought patterns, we can improve our mental health and overall well-being. In essence, the way we think about our problems can make all the difference in how we approach and overcome them.
Focusing on negatives reinforces them: Instead of dwelling on negatives, focus on living life without giving them power or attention. Let go of the need to be happy all the time for more freedom and peace.
Constantly labeling and focusing on our deficiencies or negative emotions can reinforce and even worsen them. Instead, the speaker suggests focusing on living our lives without giving these things power or attention. This can be applied to addiction or anxiety, for example. The speaker criticizes the idea of transforming the meaning of negative things as a simplistic solution and shares his personal experience of adopting the mentality of "fuck happiness" to break free from the obsession of pursuing happiness. By letting go of the need to be happy all the time, the speaker found more freedom and peace in his life.
Acknowledging the meaninglessness of negative emotions or behaviors: Recognizing the powerless nature of negative emotions or behaviors can help break the cycle of their occurrence. By admitting them openly, we reduce their power and transform them into something meaningless.
Trying to eliminate negative emotions or behaviors by giving them power through meaning can perpetuate vicious cycles. Instead, acknowledging and accepting these experiences as meaningless can help break the cycle. For example, if someone is afraid of having a panic attack, the fear itself can reinforce the occurrence of the panic attack. By removing the shame or meaning behind the experience, it loses its power. An entrepreneur who was struggling with anxiety attacks for eight months was advised that they could have just waited and let time heal the issue, as the meaning they gave to their anxiety was what kept them stuck. The key is to shed light on these experiences and admit them openly to reduce their power and transform them into something meaningless.
The power of meaning in psychological problems: Recognizing the meaninglessness of problems can help reduce their power and allow us to focus on more meaningful things.
According to the speaker, the root cause of many psychological problems is the meaning we give to them. When we constantly focus on these problems, we reinforce their power and keep ourselves stuck in a cycle. To overcome this, the speaker suggests not trying to directly combat the problem but rather removing its meaning and letting it shrink into irrelevance. This can be done by recognizing the problem as irrelevant and allocating our attention towards more meaningful things instead. The speaker shares his personal experience of doing this with the concept of "happiness" and how he was able to significantly reduce his unhappiness by letting go of the meaning he had assigned to it. Essentially, the key takeaway is that the power we give to our problems is what keeps them alive, and by removing that power, we can free ourselves from their grip.
Facing Negative Judgments: A New Approach: Instead of disputing or altering negative labels, consider acknowledging their validity to gain control over internal dialogues. This approach challenges the notion that negative labels have inherent negative meanings.
Our fear and shame around perceived judgments often stem from an internalized sense of being judged by an anonymous outside society. Alex shares his experience of owning his deficiencies publicly as a means of self-empowerment. He suggests two ways to defend against internal attacks: disputing the negative label or altering its meaning. However, he also criticizes the common approach of therapy and proposes a third way: facing the negative thought head-on and acknowledging its validity, which can help stop the thought process. A controversial example given is the case of Tiger Woods, who was publicly shamed for his infidelity. This approach challenges the notion that negative labels have inherent negative meanings and can help us gain control over our internal dialogues.
Accepting negative labels or criticisms: Acknowledging and accepting insignificant criticisms can eliminate their power and halt negative conversations. This mental model, 'so what? Your move,' has helped many deal with anxiety and shame.
Acknowledging and accepting negative labels or criticisms, rather than trying to transform or defend against them, can help eliminate their power and halt the cycle of negative conversations. By purposefully acknowledging and accepting the irrelevant or insignificant criticisms, we can stop giving them meaning and move on with our lives. This mental model, which the speaker calls "so what? Your move," has been the most powerful tool for the speaker in dealing with anxiety and shame. It's important to remember that this approach may not work for everyone, but for those who have not found success with traditional forms of therapy, it may be worth considering. Ultimately, the only way to deal with shame is to shed light on it and not give it the power to control us.
Focus on positivity and love instead of negativity: Instead of engaging in battles against negativity, focus on spreading positivity and love to help it fade away.
Sometimes, fighting against negativity or resistance can be futile. Instead, acknowledging its existence and choosing to focus on positivity and love can help it fade away. This was the perspective shared by the speaker in the conversation. They suggested that instead of engaging in battles that may not be worth the effort, it's essential to keep spreading positivity and being awesome. By focusing on the good and showing love to those around us, we can make a difference and help overcome negativity. So, let's keep spreading positivity and love in our lives, and watch as negativity fades away.
