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    How To Stop Caring About What Other People Think Of You | On Purpose w/ Jay Shetty

    enJune 24, 2019

    Podcast Summary

    • Creating Value for OthersBy focusing on helping just one person, we can make a significant impact. Intuitively executing ideas and opinions based on personal experience can lead to effective sales and growth.

      Gary Vaynerchuk, a serial entrepreneur, investor, and founder of VaynerMedia and VaynerX, emphasizes the importance of creating value for others. He believes that by focusing on helping just one person, we can make a significant impact. During their conversation on the On Purpose podcast, Gary shared how his content has helped the host gain conscious competence and reaffirm beliefs. He also mentioned that he intuitively executes ideas and opinions based on personal experience, and his perspective on parenting comes from the child's point of view. Overall, Gary's approach to business, life, and parenting is centered around understanding and meeting the needs of consumers, making him an effective salesperson and a valuable resource for growth and development.

    • Understanding our childhood shapes us as parents and individuals, and humility is crucialSelf-awareness, humility, and resilience are essential for personal growth and parenting. Understanding our childhood experiences and applying humility when advising others can help us achieve happiness and success.

      Our experiences as children shape us as parents and individuals, and humility plays a crucial role in our success. The speaker emphasizes the importance of understanding our own childhood perspectives and applying humility when advising others. He also shares how his parents' lack of excitement for his achievements pushed him to keep striving for more. The challenge is to avoid becoming cocky or complacent in response to feedback. The speaker believes that the ability to take feedback is essential to producing content for the world and achieving happiness. Overall, the discussion highlights the significance of self-awareness, humility, and resilience in personal growth and parenting.

    • Maintaining Emotional Balance Through Empathy and UnderstandingEmpathize with the person delivering feedback and seek insight from their perspective. Consider intent and context, not just words. Judge people based on competence, care, character, and consistency. Our reactions to feedback reflect our mindset and emotional intelligence.

      Equanimity, or the ability to maintain emotional balance, can be achieved by not getting too attached to positive or negative feedback. Raghav shared his experience of being called various things, from a water-walker to a charlatan, yet neither comment affected him deeply. He attributes this to his approach of empathizing with the person delivering the feedback and seeking insight from their perspective. Raghav emphasizes the importance of considering the intent and context behind feedback, rather than just the words themselves. He also highlighted the need to judge people based on their competence, care, character, and consistency. In essence, Raghav's message is that our reactions to feedback are a reflection of our own mindset and emotional intelligence. By focusing on empathy and understanding, we can develop the ability to let go of expectations and maintain a balanced perspective.

    • Letting go of expectationsEmbracing the unexpected can lead to personal growth and fulfillment, despite societal pressures for entitlement.

      Having no expectations and recognizing that we're not entitled to anything can be empowering and help us take action. This mindset can free us from feeling paralyzed or like external factors are in control. It's important to remember that this perspective doesn't excuse laziness or entitlement, but rather provides a new way of thinking that can lead to personal growth and fulfillment. Additionally, our upbringing and societal prosperity have created high levels of entitlement, which can hinder us from reaching our potential. By letting go of expectations and embracing the unexpected, we can find value in every experience and make the most of our lives.

    • Approach with open mind and empathyDon't judge based on image, look beyond surface for true intentions, embrace diversity and focus on the upside.

      It's important to approach people and their messages with an open mind and empathy, rather than judgment. The speaker shared his personal journey of being misunderstood and judged based on his public image, but in reality, his message was one of empathy, kindness, and gratitude. He emphasized that everyone has a unique story and perspective, and it's crucial to look beyond the surface to understand the true intentions behind someone's actions or words. The speaker also shared an example of having Chelsea Handler on his podcast, despite the criticism he received, and how he saw the value in her message of mindfulness. He encouraged the audience to curtail their judgment and consider the complexity of each individual's experiences. Ultimately, the speaker believes that by focusing on the upside and embracing diversity, we can create a more positive and inclusive ecosystem.

    • Beyond Surface-Level Interpretations: Understanding Deeper Meaning and IntentFocus on the deeper meaning and intent behind words and actions, not just surface-level interpretations. Praise thoughtfulness and patience, which sets individuals apart from many others in society.

      It's essential to look beyond surface-level interpretations and focus on intent when evaluating people and their actions. During a conversation, a suggestion was made to analyze the use of certain words like gratitude, positivity, and humility in a particular individual's speech. While the speaker often hears these words from the individual, they also noted that it's crucial to consider the deeper meaning and context behind them. The speaker also mentioned their own personal growth and the importance of understanding the nuances of words like sympathy and empathy. They encouraged society to shift the conversation towards thoughtfulness and intent, acknowledging that many people are focused on short-term goals and may not be as thoughtful as they appear. The speaker also complimented the person they were conversing with, praising their thoughtfulness and patience, which sets them apart from many others in society. Overall, the conversation emphasized the importance of looking beyond surface-level interpretations and focusing on the deeper meaning and intent behind words and actions.

    • Being creatively brave and putting content out despite fear of poor performanceEmbrace opportunities for feedback and growth by fearlessly expressing ideas online, having a core focus with flexible sides, and experimenting with multiple formats.

      Being creatively brave and consistently putting content out, even if it may not perform well, is essential in today's society, especially with the help of the Internet's feedback loop. Gary Vaynerchuk shared his recent experience of releasing a poorly performing Instagram post, despite his fear of it not getting the usual engagement. He emphasized the importance of living one's truth and not just focusing on what will work based on algorithms or trends. He also mentioned his philosophy of having a core focus with flexible sides, and encouraged having multiple formats to learn and grow from. Overall, the key takeaway is to be fearless in expressing ideas and embracing the opportunities the Internet provides for feedback and growth.

    • Emphasizing self-awareness, creativity, and accountabilityGary Vaynerchuk encourages self-acceptance, creativity, and accountability for personal growth and success.

      Gary Vaynerchuk, author of "Ask Gary Vee," values self-awareness, creativity, and accountability. He emphasizes the importance of not judging oneself harshly while holding oneself accountable for growth. His recent decision to share his creative ideas publicly demonstrates his balance of self-acceptance and accountability. Vaynerchuk also clarified his stance on work ethic, distinguishing it from hustle culture and emphasizing the importance of self-awareness and finding what's right for oneself. He aims to inspire others to develop these qualities and find their own paths to success.

    • Embrace your unique qualitiesRecognizing and leaning into our individual strengths can lead to greater self-acceptance and happiness. Self-awareness and storytelling help us understand our past experiences and shape our perspectives.

      Focusing on our strengths and what makes us unique can lead us to greater self-acceptance and happiness. The speaker emphasizes the importance of recognizing and leaning into our individual qualities, rather than dwelling on our perceived shortcomings. He also highlights the importance of self-awareness and storytelling in understanding our past experiences and how they shape us. By embracing our stories and the unique perspectives they provide, we can gain a deeper understanding of ourselves and others, and begin to address areas for growth from a place of love and optimism. The speaker's own journey of self-discovery and self-acceptance has allowed him to identify and speak to his own vulnerabilities, and he encourages others to do the same. Ultimately, the key is to shift our focus from what we perceive as weaknesses to what makes us awesome, and to use that awareness to build stronger, more authentic relationships with ourselves and others.

    • Focusing on strengths instead of shortcomingsEmphasizing others' strengths inspires happiness, support, and a collaborative mindset, rather than envy and jealousy.

      Focusing on people's strengths instead of their shortcomings can lead to optimism, appreciation, and a decrease in envy and jealousy. This perspective also allows for happiness and support towards others' successes, creating a collaborative and abundant mindset. As expressed in the conversation, this mindset is essential for respecting the game of life and being an "all-time player." It's important to remember that others' successes do not diminish our own, but rather, they can inspire us to improve and create something remarkable. This shift in perspective can lead to a more positive and fulfilling outlook on life and entrepreneurship.

    • Interdependence and competition in teamsEmbrace both winning and losing, and be open to new experiences to foster growth and longevity

      Interdependence and competition can coexist in a meaningful way. Success often depends on both elements, and we need to be mindful of the context and the source of advice we receive. The Liverpool football team serves as an example, where they push each other to greatness through competition, but also need each other to function optimally. Similarly, in life and business, we may need to embrace both winning and losing, and be open to new experiences, even if they go against our current beliefs. It's important to remember that everyone's perspective is shaped by their unique background and experiences, so we should approach advice with thoughtfulness and consideration. Ultimately, longevity and growth often come from a deep understanding of ourselves and the world around us.

    • Valuing unique expertise and advice from diverse individualsRecognize the value of diverse perspectives and advice, even if it doesn't align with current priorities, and approach every interaction as an opportunity for growth.

      It's important to understand and value the unique expertise and advice of different people in our lives, even if it doesn't align with our current priorities or interests. Our moms, for instance, may focus on our physical and emotional well-being, while a mentor or expert may offer valuable insights into our professional growth. It's essential to contextualize the advice we receive and recognize that everyone brings something unique to the table. Moreover, we often take on the pressure of the room we're in, feeling the need to invest when surrounded by investors or meditate when surrounded by spiritual leaders. However, it's possible to approach situations differently and even find value in unexpected sources, such as a friend or a 9-year-old child. In the end, engaging in meaningful conversations with diverse individuals can lead to valuable insights and inspiration, making every interaction an opportunity for growth. By embracing the unique perspectives of those around us, we can broaden our horizons and enrich our lives.

    • Discerning genuine value from personal gain in content creatorsIn a world where people often appear good but prioritize personal gain, it's crucial to evaluate authenticity and transparency in content creators and influencers.

      In today's world, it's essential to discern between those who genuinely add value and those who may appear good but are primarily focused on their own financial growth. The speaker expressed his concern about the potential dangerous precedent this could set, especially within the realm of content creators and influencers. He shared his personal realization of the classic good vs. evil dynamic in Star Wars and wrestling, where characters can change allegiances. The speaker believes that many individuals in society, including podcasters, Instagrammers, YouTubers, and authors, might not be as good as they seem and could be selling things for personal gain. He feels a sense of responsibility to address this issue but acknowledges his limitations in conducting thorough investigations. The speaker's thoughts were further validated by a recent conversation he had with someone who had done extensive research on the topic. The speaker's take on the issue was compared to the evolution of corporate social responsibility, where businesses adopt causes to generate commerce. He emphasized the importance of authenticity and transparency in a world where people often give others the benefit of the doubt.

    • Embrace authenticity and transparency in building relationshipsFocus on community and intention, challenge the status quo, and stay true to values for successful business or career growth.

      Focusing on community and intention is crucial in building a successful business or career. The speaker emphasizes the importance of authenticity and transparency, and encourages digging deeper beyond the obvious. He shares his experience of challenging the status quo in various settings, and advocates for thoughtfulness and vulnerability. The speaker also encourages reaching out to old connections to strengthen relationships and promote positivity. Ultimately, the message is to stay true to one's values and intentions, and to push beyond superficial judgments.

    • Gary Vaynerchuk's Common Words and Emotions in His PodcastGary Vaynerchuk's podcast uses action-oriented words, frequent love and work pairings, and expresses emotions like love, laugh, and appreciate.

      Throughout 200 episodes of his work, the most common words used were action-oriented like "no," "think," "go," "want," and "make." The most frequent word pairings included "love and work," "mean and well," "give and fuck." The top emotions expressed were love, laugh, funny, appreciate, respect, passion, scare, inspire, and curious. Gary Vaynerchuk, known for his high-energy communication style, has recently experimented with toning it down out of curiosity. He sees himself as an "Avenger," striving to reach those who are influenced by bad influences, despite facing judgment from those he admires. In this podcast, he was identified as Iron Man due to his innovative mindset and ability to decipher complex situations. Despite not having watched the Avengers films, Gary's understanding of the Avengers' framework and his self-identification as an "Avenger" demonstrate his unique perspective and problem-solving abilities.

    • Regrets and Valuable ExperiencesRegrets come from missed opportunities rather than bad purchases. Consider context before following advice and prioritize experiences over material possessions.

      Life's experiences, both good and bad, shape who we are. In the conversation, we discussed the intriguing new direction of Spider-Man's character and the regrets of not buying certain experiences. The dumbest purchases, according to the speakers, were not necessarily the things they spent money on, but the opportunities they missed. They also warned against blindly following advice without considering its context and applicability to one's unique situation. Lastly, they emphasized the importance of giving more than taking in life and valuing human experiences.

    • Live with gratitude, empathy, and positivityStrive to make a positive impact on the world by living with gratitude, empathy, and positivity, focusing on giving more than taking, and appreciating opportunities.

      According to Gary Vaynerchuk, a successful entrepreneur and philosopher, the value of human life is immeasurable and we should strive to live with gratitude, empathy, and positivity. Gary emphasized that everyone has the potential to make a positive impact on the world, no matter their background or circumstances. He encourages us to focus on giving more than we take and to appreciate the opportunities we have in life, even when they may seem small or insignificant compared to the vastness of the universe. By living with gratitude and positivity, we can create a ripple effect of good in the world and make the most of the unique opportunities that life presents to us.

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