Q&A - What are the differences between boundaries and bottom lines and how do you apply them in relationships?

In this episode, hosts Tara McCausland and Justin B. discuss strategies for moving forward after the discovery of betrayal in relationships. The episode emphasizes the emotional turmoil that follows discovery, and the importance of establishing safety and stabilization. They share personal stories, including Justin's own missteps post-discovery and the journey towards healing. Tara and Justin advocate for setting boundaries, seeking support outside the marital relationship, and the necessity of finding a supportive community for both the betrayed and the betrayer. They stress that healing from addiction and betrayal is a shared but individual journey that requires patience, understanding, and outside help.

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In this special episode, therapist Dorothy Maryon presents on communication after betrayal for the SAL 12-Step Men's Online Workshop.  Dorothy delves into the drama triangle—a concept explaining common unhealthy communication patterns that hinder relationship repair. She discusses strategies for breaking free from these patterns by understanding attachment and trauma. Additionally, Dorothy discusses the difference between 'drama' and 'trauma' and  highlights the importance of partners recognizing and responding to betrayal trauma sensitively and constructively to establish safety.

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In this Q&A, hosts Tara and Justin provide some final commentary on the subject of setting boundaries and bottom lines in the recovery process.  They emphasize how boundaries and bottom lines can effectively help break the cycle of addiction and  suggest that the creation of these action plans should take place during moments of relative peace prior to the triggering event or emotion.  They also consider the benefit of having a sponsor to use as a sounding board  and accountability partner when establishing boundaries and bottom lines. They end with encouragement to those struggling to implement boundaries, assuring that persistence and time will slowly rewire the addicted brain and strengthen a person's ability to follow through and experience the healing fruits of this vital recovery practice.

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In this episode, host Justin B.  speaks with SAL 12-Step members Karin and Jan to discuss the importance of setting healthy boundaries in recovery from betrayal trauma. Both Karin and Jan share their own experiences navigating relationships affected by betrayal. They describe setting boundaries as a way of protecting themselves and their own peace. They also discuss the necessity of maintaining personal commitment to recovery work, regardless of the outcome of their relationships. 

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In this Q&A episode, host Tara McCausland interviews Steven and Rhyll Croshaw,  co-founders of S.A.  Lifeline Foundation, who share their experiences and insights on setting boundaries and bottom lines in relationships and personal recovery. They discuss the differences between boundaries and bottom lines. Steven explains how he sets his 'bottom lines' - personal safeguards established to protect him from negative triggers. Rhyll talks about the importance of allowing individuals to set their own bottom lines and that boundaries give betrayed partners choice in responding to behaviors that cause them to feel unsafe.  They conclude with how a lifestyle of setting and holding boundaries and bottom lines has healed and enriched their marriage which has been affected by sexual betrayal and addiction.

Find the Circles Model here.

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In this episode, Tara McCausland talks with Dr. Sheri Keffer about the importance of setting and holding boundaries in relationships, particularly when dealing with sexual betrayal and addiction. Dr. Keffer shares her personal journey of recovery and emphasizes the need for betrayed partners to have courage and patience with themselves as they practice setting and holding boundaries. 

Questions addressed include:

-What are boundaries and why are they so critical if you’ve been affected by sexual betrayal? How are they different from punishment? 

- What are some signs in my relationships that I need to create boundaries? 

-What are some of the biggest barriers in creating and holding effective boundaries? 

Dr. Sheri provides some specific examples of boundary setting and the benefit of holding boundaries to empower and create safety for betrayed partners. The discussion also covers themes of fear, abuse, the necessity of honesty to heal the relationship, and being brave enough to make tough but necessary decisions.

Find Sheri at www.braveone.com and register for her March 2024  retreat here. 

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In this Q&A, hosts Tara and Justin briefly review the origins  of the 12 steps and touch on each one in preparation to take a deep dive into each of the steps in future episodes. They talk about the foundation, cornerstone, and keystone of the 12 steps, as well as the importance of first admitting powerlessness, turning to the God of your understanding, and making amends with others in the process of healing from sexual addiction and betrayal trauma. They also touch on the benefits of working these steps and the significance of step 12, which involves carrying the message to others and practicing the principles in all aspects of life.

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In this episode Justin B talks with Josh Walpole, a sex addict living in long-term recovery as well as a therapist who specializes in treating sexual addiction and betrayal trauma.  We discuss the importance and perhaps necessity of qualified therapy to help all involved prepare and brace for impact.  Both the impact of the consequences of the addiction and betrayal; as well as to prepare all parties for the impact for good that they can and will have in the world as they recover.  Listen in on this vulnerable and powerful conversation and get motivated to recover, heal, and impact the world for good.

Find Josh Walpole at circlesofgrace.health

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Hosts Tara and Justin explore how their New Year's resolutions have evolved in the context of recovery learning and application. They discuss the significance of incorporating a higher power into their goal-setting process. The conversation delves into the concept of surrendering personal will and allowing divine guidance to shape goals and actions. They emphasize the transformative power of embracing a one-day-at-a-time mindset and employing humility and openness in the pursuit of progress and growth. Ultimately, the hosts encourage listeners to start their goal-setting process by humbly asking God for His guidance, surrendering their own agendas and believing that it is in this practice that divine power to change one’s  heart and behavior will be given. 

Link to Men's Workshop coming soon

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Host Tara McCausland and therapist Dan Drake  discuss the importance of finding a qualified clinician that has specialized training in sexual addiction and betrayal trauma. They suggest questions/ways to vet a therapist to ensure best therapist-client fit. They explore  how having a therapist during the disclosure process is helpful, and paint a picture of what the therapeutic process might look like in the first year. They also touch on  the value of combining the 12-step program with therapy. Dan points out the importance of seeing qualified therapy as one part of a wider community of support available to those healing from sex addiction and betrayal trauma.

Links for this episode:
Dan's website
Disclosure Workbooks
Questions to Qualify Your Therapist

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