Podcast Summary
Mental health coping mechanisms: Long-term use of self-harm as a destructive way to cope with emotions can lead to mental health struggles, emphasizing the importance of healthy coping mechanisms like therapy and medication.
Mental health struggles are complex and multifaceted, often involving a combination of situational and chemical factors. Anna Marie Tenler, an artist and writer, shares her personal experience of dealing with mental health issues throughout her adult life, culminating in a suicide attempt that led her to check herself into a psychiatric hospital in 2021. She describes her long-term use of self-harm as a destructive way to cope with emotions she couldn't express or process, particularly during her teenage years. The discussion also touches on the importance of therapy and medication in managing mental health, as well as the stigma surrounding mental health struggles and the need for empathy and understanding. Anna Marie's new book, "Men Have Called Her Crazy," explores her painful history of entanglements with men and her experiences in therapy, including dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT).
Emotional regulation: DBT offers effective skills for dealing with painful emotions, including mindfulness practices, acting opposite of destructive instincts, and developing interpersonal relationships. These skills help individuals respond constructively rather than turning to destructive behaviors.
People often turn to destructive behaviors, such as self-harm or restrictive eating, as a way to cope with painful emotions that they feel they cannot handle. This can include cutting oneself or refusing to eat, both of which the speaker has experienced. At the core of these behaviors is an inability to sit with discomfort and pain. DBT (Dialectical Behavioral Therapy), which was developed for individuals with bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder, and other emotional regulation issues, offers effective skills for dealing with difficult emotions. DBT includes mindfulness practices, learning to act opposite of destructive instincts, and developing more effective interpersonal relationships. By practicing these skills, individuals can learn to access them during times of stress or crisis, allowing them to respond in constructive ways rather than turning to destructive behaviors. Everyone's experience with DBT is unique, and individuals find the skills that work best for them. For the speaker, this includes taking deep breaths, identifying the facts of the situation, and using coping skills when feeling anxious.
Mindfulness and Emotional Regulation: Practicing mindfulness and emotional regulation techniques, such as DBT, can help individuals respond thoughtfully to emotional situations instead of reacting impulsively, keeping the prefrontal cortex active and building relationships in psychiatric hospitals can be valuable.
Practicing mindfulness and emotional regulation techniques, such as those learned in Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), can help individuals respond thoughtfully to emotional situations instead of reacting impulsively. These techniques involve interrupting the natural response, analyzing the situation with a clear mind, and utilizing coping skills. The emotional brain and prefrontal cortex function differently, and practicing mindfulness can help keep the prefrontal cortex active, taking the emotional brain offline. The experience of being in a psychiatric hospital can be monotonous and quiet, providing a sense of comfort and routine. Building relationships with others in similar situations can also be a valuable part of the experience. While perfection is not expected, consistent practice can make these skills second nature.
Perception vs Reality: Our internal experiences and how we perceive ourselves can differ greatly from how others see us. Recognizing and acknowledging this complexity can lead to healing and a better understanding of ourselves.
Our internal experiences and how we perceive ourselves can be vastly different from how the outside world sees us. Anna Marie Tenler shares her personal realization of this during her hospitalization, where a doctor's assessment of her psychological testing resonated deeply with her. She had always felt that her internal struggles with anxiety and depression were hidden behind her high-functioning exterior. The doctor's objective assessment validated her internal experiences and provided a sense of healing. This revelation highlights the importance of recognizing and acknowledging the complexity of our inner lives and how they shape our external interactions with the world.
Patriarchy and Women's Mental Health: The patriarchy can create unintentional insensitivity and unawareness towards women's experiences, leading to significant pain, anxiety, and depression.
The disconnect between how women experience the world and how they feel internally can lead to significant pain, anxiety, and depression. Author Sabina Ayres's book, "Men Have Called Me Crazy," explores this theme, weaving her personal experiences with men and the patriarchy into her mental health journey. She emphasizes that men are not inherently bad but that the social construct of the patriarchy creates unintentional insensitivity and unawareness towards women's experiences. This disconnect can manifest in seemingly small ways, like asking intrusive questions or assuming certain behaviors, but it can have a profound impact on women's lives. The book highlights the importance of understanding and acknowledging these experiences to create a more equitable world.
Relationships and self-discovery: Developing distress tolerance and learning to accept rejection are crucial steps towards authentic relationships, but suppressing desires and identity can hinder personal growth.
Self-discovery and authenticity in relationships can be a challenging but necessary process. The speaker shares her experience of suppressing her desires and identity to maintain relationships, which led to a sense of control and safety but also hindered her growth. She emphasizes the importance of developing distress tolerance and learning to accept rejection as part of the journey towards finding healthy, authentic relationships. The speaker also reflects on her past decision not to have children and her current thoughts on the matter. Overall, the conversation highlights the importance of self-reflection, authenticity, and resilience in navigating relationships and personal growth.
Gender dynamics: Gender dynamics can impact individuals differently and both women and men can be negatively affected by sexism. Embracing vulnerability and self-awareness is crucial in challenging societal norms.
Growing up, Anna experienced the influence of strong female role models at home but faced challenges when exposed to the outside world, which was dominated by masculine norms. She shared her own experiences of feeling like a sensitive boy who had to hide his vulnerability behind a tough exterior. Anna also highlighted the importance of understanding the complexities of gender dynamics and how they can impact individuals differently. She emphasized that both women and men can be negatively affected by sexism and that fear often plays a role in shaping our relationships. Through her experiences and reflections, Anna found a way to embrace her own discomfort and show up in the world in a more authentic way. Overall, her conversation underscores the importance of self-awareness, vulnerability, and the need to challenge societal norms.
Men's emotional development: Sexism can hinder men's emotional growth, leading to unhealthy relationships and isolation. Identifying and addressing fear behind anger can improve emotional connections.
Sexism negatively impacts men's emotional development and can lead to unhealthy relationships and isolation. The speaker shares her personal experience of having deeper emotional connections with women due to societal expectations that limit men's emotional expression. She encourages men to examine their anger and identify the fear underlying it to improve relationships. The speaker believes that understanding and addressing emotions can lead to healthier, more intimate connections. She also compares emotional intimacy in female friendships to the lack of it in some men's lives, emphasizing the importance of emotional expression and vulnerability.
Empathy and relationships: Empathy is essential in relationships for effective communication, personal growth, and stronger connections. Seeking help through therapy or counseling can be valuable tools in fostering empathy and understanding.
Empathy and understanding are crucial in relationships, as they help individuals navigate through difficult moments and foster personal growth. Empathy can help mitigate feelings of shame and accusations, allowing for healthier communication and stronger connections. Romantic relationships can serve as a crucible for personal growth, despite the challenges they may bring. Therapy and preventative measures like couples counseling can be valuable tools in this process. The speaker, who has undergone personal growth after seeking help for mental health issues, emphasizes the importance of acknowledging and communicating emotions, and learning to exist with them instead of being consumed by them. This achievement, while not easy, is a significant accomplishment and can lead to increased self-awareness, creativity, and stronger relationships. The book "Men Have Called Her Crazy" by Anna Meriano, out on August 13th, explores these themes further. Connect with Anna and Tender on Instagram for more information.
Self-care and mindfulness: Small daily practices like self-care and mindfulness can significantly improve mental and emotional health. Prioritize joyful activities, be kind to yourself, and set boundaries.
The importance of self-care and mindfulness in managing stress and improving overall well-being. Anna Marie Tenler, the author of "The Self-Care Solution," shared her insights on how small, daily practices can make a significant impact on our mental and emotional health. She emphasized the importance of being kind to ourselves, setting boundaries, and prioritizing activities that bring us joy. I also wanted to take a moment to thank everyone who supports this show. If you enjoy listening, please consider leaving a rating or review on your favorite podcast app. It really helps us reach more people. And if you'd like to receive my weekly newsletter with my favorite learnings from each episode, sign up at DanHarris.com. I'd also like to acknowledge the hard work of the team behind the scenes. Our producers Tara Anderson, Caroline Keenan, and Eleanor Vasily, recording and engineering by Pod People, production management by Lauren Smith, senior production by Marissa Schneiderman, and managing production by DJ Kashmir. Nick Thorburn of the Van Islands wrote our theme music. If you'd like to listen ad-free and support us further, you can join Wondery Plus or use Amazon Music with a Prime membership. And finally, if you'd like to tell us more about yourself, fill out a short survey at Wondery.com/survey.