The Stoic Advice Every Man Learns Too Late In Life | Ryan Holiday PT 1

Podcast Summary

• Stoicism vs Modern Influencers: Who Should We Look Up To?: Stoicism emphasizes emotional resilience, rational thinking, and living in accordance with nature, while modern influencers may offer quick fixes and external validation but their morality and business models should be considered.

  The quality of our lives is not determined by external circumstances, but rather by how we respond to them. This is the core of stoic philosophy, which has been a guiding force for people trying to gain control of their minds throughout history. During this podcast episode, the speaker contrasted modern influencers like Andrew Tate with ancient philosophers like Marcus Aurelius, raising questions about who we should look up to for guidance in life. While some may be attracted to modern figures who promise success and power, the speaker argues that the morality and business models behind their wealth are important considerations. Stoicism, on the other hand, offers a different perspective, emphasizing emotional resilience, rational thinking, and living in accordance with nature. The speaker also touched upon the contrast between toxic masculinity and stoicism, clarifying that the former is a misinterpretation of the latter. Ultimately, the choice is ours to make: we can be drawn to the allure of quick fixes and external validation, or we can embrace the timeless wisdom of stoic philosophy and focus on developing inner strength and resilience.

• Marcus Aurelius: Talent, Mastery, Decency, and Generosity: Great leaders are not just talented and skilled, but also fundamentally decent and generous. Marcus Aurelius, an exemplary emperor, demonstrated this by naming his stepbrother as co-emperor, showing fairness and generosity even with absolute power.

  Greatness and goodness are not the same thing. The Roman Emperor Marcus Aurelius, often considered one of the 5 good emperors, is a prime example of this distinction. Marcus became emperor not by birthright but through the mentorship of his predecessor, Hadrian. Hadrian recognized Marcus' potential and began preparing him to rule, knowing that naming a child emperor was a risky proposition. In the meantime, Hadrian named Antoninus Pius as his successor, and in exchange, Antoninus promised to name Marcus as his own successor. Antoninus ruled for decades, acting as a mentor and role model for Marcus. When Marcus eventually became emperor, he demonstrated his inherent decency by naming his stepbrother as co-emperor. This act was unprecedented and showed that Marcus valued fairness and generosity, even with absolute power. The story of Marcus Aurelius and the 5 good emperors highlights that true greatness involves both talent and mastery, as well as fundamental decency and generosity. It's a reminder that great leaders are not always those who crave power the most but those who are willing to learn, grow, and put the greater good above their own interests.

• The power of inner code in shaping one's life: Identify and cultivate a positive inner code for effective living and leadership. Resist distractions and push it out into the world.

  The inner code or belief system of an individual plays a significant role in shaping their life. Marcus Aurelius, as an example, had a strong inner code based on decency, goodness, and community mindedness, which made him an effective leader and a worthy role model. On the other hand, individuals like Andrew Tate, who may have had dysfunctional relationships with their fathers, can benefit from intentionally building their inner code or frame of reference. This involves identifying what one chooses to believe is true and what ought to be, and then deploying it in one's immediate life. Ultimately, the goal is to resist temptations and push this positive belief system out into the world, even as the modern world presents more distractions and ease. For those aiming for quick and easy success, contrasting the inner codes of individuals like Marcus Aurelius and Andrew Tate can provide valuable perspective.

• Philosophy as a guide to living a good life: Stoicism, founded by Zeno, offers a code for living with virtues like wisdom, courage, justice, and temperance, providing a sense of purpose and direction in life.

  Philosophy, particularly Stoicism, offers valuable guidance on how to live a good life and answer existential questions that many people grapple with. The ancient Greeks, including Socrates and Diogenes, sought wisdom and insight through philosophy, and Stoicism specifically was founded by Zeno, a young merchant seeking answers after a shipwreck. Philosophy can serve as a North Star or a guiding light when one feels lost or uncertain about their path in life. It's unfortunate that philosophy is often overlooked as a means to address these existential questions, especially as religion has become more fragmented and political. Stoicism, in particular, has influenced Christianity and offers a code for living that emphasizes virtues such as wisdom, courage, justice, and temperance. Ultimately, philosophy can help fill the "God-shaped hole" in us and provide a sense of purpose and direction.

• Practicing virtues in every situation: Embrace challenges with virtues like courage, self-discipline, justice, and wisdom to improve and grow in life and business

  No matter what life throws at us, we have the power to react in a way that brings meaning and purpose through the practice of virtues such as courage, self-discipline, justice, and wisdom. This idea, shared by both stoicism and Christianity, emphasizes that every situation, good or bad, is an opportunity to practice these virtues and improve ourselves. In business, this means using the best technology and platforms, like Shopify, to stay competitive and make the most of every opportunity. Whether it's transforming a used car into something wonderful or growing a business, these virtues and tools can help us navigate life's challenges and turn them into opportunities for growth.

• Empowering Businesses and Protecting Personal Data: Shopify empowers businesses for growth, while DeleteMe safeguards personal data, both essential for success in their respective domains.

  Businesses looking to grow efficiently and quickly choose Shopify, making it power over 10% of US ecommerce. Meanwhile, protecting personal data has become crucial in today's digital age. DeleteMe helps eliminate and monitor personal data from data brokers and people search sites, offering a special discount for our listeners. As for life's deeper questions, evolution has instilled certain drivers in us, shaping our emotions and experiences. These drivers, whether from religion, philosophy, or biology, are essential for survival and should align with our personal values to lead to a fulfilling life. In essence, Shopify is a powerful tool for businesses, while DeleteMe safeguards personal data. Emotional drivers, whether from religion, philosophy, or biology, shape our experiences and should align with our values for a fulfilling life. Shopify empowers businesses to grow efficiently and quickly, making it the go-to choice for over 10% of US ecommerce. Protecting personal data is essential in today's digital age, and DeleteMe helps eliminate and monitor personal data from data brokers and people search sites. Evolution has instilled emotional drivers in us, shaping our experiences and aligning with our values is crucial for a fulfilling life. Shopify and DeleteMe offer solutions for businesses and individuals, respectively, ensuring growth and protection in their respective domains. Embracing the emotional drivers that align with our values leads to a fulfilling life.

• Ancient Philosophers: Conquests vs. Self-Mastery: Ancient philosophers like Marcus Aurelius and Diogenes taught that personal growth and self-mastery are more valuable than endless conquest or external validation.

  The ancient world, much like our own, grappled with questions of greatness, ambition, and power. Marcus Aurelius, a Roman Emperor, drew inspiration from historical figures like Alexander the Great, who was renowned for his conquests. However, Marcus reminded himself of the inevitability of death, which made the pursuit of limitless conquest an empty and torturous endeavor. The ancient philosopher Diogenes, who lived a simple and self-sufficient life, was considered greater than Alexander by some, as he had conquered his need to conquer. The Stoics, a philosophical school to which Marcus belonged, encouraged questioning whether one's pursuits were driving them or if they were in control. Ultimately, the admiration of historical figures should serve as motivation to strive for personal growth and self-mastery, rather than a never-ending quest for external validation or conquest.

• The absence of immediate consequences for poor choices hinders personal growth: In the modern world, the lack of immediate consequences for poor choices can hinder personal growth and development, leading to regret and shame in the long run

  The modern world's accessibility and convenience can make it challenging to be self-contained and in control of one's life. The constant distractions and pleasures, such as porn, drugs, and food, can lead to negative consequences that are often overlooked in the moment. The Stoics believed that the pain of hard work passes quickly but the virtue remains, while pleasure passes quickly but shame remains. The lack of immediate consequences for poor choices can hinder personal growth and development. The metaphorical "lion" that once provided structure and focus in life is often absent in the modern context, making it harder for people to reach their full potential. The rise of platforms like OnlyFans, where people can spend significant sums on virtual relationships, highlights this issue, as the immediate gratification can come at the cost of long-term regret and shame.

• The allure of online relationships with sex workers: Instead of relying on illusions, focus on personal growth and self-improvement for genuine connections in real life.

  In today's world, where technology offers easy access to unlimited pornography and more efficient dating markets, many people feel left behind and struggle to connect with others in real life. This can lead to a reliance on illusions, such as engaging with sex workers online, as a means of escape from reality. The allure of these relationships can be powerful, as they provide a sense of connection and validation that may be lacking in other areas of life. However, these relationships are ultimately one-sided and can result in financial exploitation. Instead of turning to these illusions, the Stoic approach would be to accept the reality of one's situation and focus on personal growth and self-improvement. This may involve going to the gym, returning to school, seeking therapy, or other actions that can help individuals build the emotional awareness and skills necessary to form genuine connections with others. Ultimately, the challenge is to face the hard truths of life and find ways to turn them into opportunities for growth and self-improvement.

• Focus on what we can control: ourselves and our actions: Despite challenges, focus on self-agency and responsibility for self-respect. Find fulfillment and contribute, not succumb to despair.

  Despite the complexities of life and the challenges we face, the Stoics would encourage us to focus on what we can control - ourselves and our actions in the present moment. This sense of agency and responsibility is the foundation of self-respect. Even when faced with seemingly insurmountable circumstances, such as feeling undesirable or unhappy, it's important to acknowledge the reality of the situation but not let it define us. Instead, we should look for ways to contribute and find fulfillment, rather than succumbing to despair. It's important to remember that we're not alone in our struggles and that everyone has the capacity to find meaning and purpose in their lives. As Joan Didion said, "The decision to take responsibility for yourself - the decision to make yourself a priority - is the source of some kind of self-respect."

• Learning from others' experiences: Focusing on small, attainable steps towards personal growth can lead to significant progress in various areas of life, as the Stoics believed.

  Focusing too much on our own suffering and pain can be limiting. By opening ourselves up to the experiences of others, we realize that many have faced greater adversity and yet have managed to move forward. Instead of fixating on what we cannot control, we should focus on the small, attainable steps we can take towards personal growth. The Stoics believed that these small steps, such as waking up early, eating well, and challenging ourselves, add up to create something transformative. It's not about making drastic changes overnight, but rather making consistent choices that shape our identity over time. Noom's personalized approach to weight loss reflects this idea, as it takes into account individual needs and doesn't restrict or shame. The decision to focus on small, attainable steps may seem insignificant, but it can lead to significant progress in various areas of our lives.

• Embrace progress over perfection: Noom promotes daily lessons for healthier food choices, recognizes cues for overeating, and encourages tackling hard tasks to build resilience and confidence

  The Noom program encourages progress over perfection and offers daily lessons to help individuals make healthier food choices. The program also emphasizes the importance of recognizing cues for overeating and understanding the psychology behind our food habits. Additionally, engaging in hard tasks, even if they are unpleasant, can help build resilience and confidence. Seneca's practice of poverty is an example of this concept, as it allows individuals to face their fears and build the ability to handle adversity. Ultimately, the goal is not to be perfect, but to cultivate the mental and emotional strength to handle life's challenges.

• Embrace discomfort to build mental resilience: Practicing present mindfulness in uncomfortable situations can help us become more relaxed, calm, and endure discomfort with greater ease. It also distorts our perception of time and builds mental resilience and flexibility.

  Practicing present mindfulness in uncomfortable situations, such as sitting in the cold or plunging into cold water, can help us become more relaxed and calm, even when our brains are telling us to get out. This practice, inspired by Stockdale's Paradox, involves accepting the present moment and focusing our attention fully on it, rather than letting our minds wander or get distracted by future concerns or past grudges. By doing so, we can learn to endure discomfort and adversity with greater ease and emerge refreshed. Additionally, in these moments, our perception of time can be distorted, making it seem like time is passing faster than it actually is. However, by staying present and focused, we can overcome this perception and complete the task at hand. Overall, this practice can help us build mental resilience and flexibility, allowing us to better handle challenges in our daily lives.

• Embracing the Stoic Mindset: Endure Pain and Hardships: The Stoic Mindset helps us push through difficult situations, learn, grow, and not fear failure or discomfort.

  Embracing the stoic mindset, which involves enduring pain and hardships without complaining and being in control of one's emotions, is a valuable and transferable skill. It's the ability to push through difficult situations, learn from them, and grow as a person. This meta skill is essential for personal development and can be applied to various aspects of life, from learning new skills to starting a business or dealing with grief. The stoic mindset also means not being afraid of failure or being bad at something, as it's a necessary step to get better. It's important to remember that emotions should have their place but not control us. Being willing to be uncomfortable and experience new forms of discomfort or misery is crucial for personal growth. This mindset is not limited to men and can benefit anyone. Embracing the stoic mindset can lead to resilience, self-discipline, and a greater sense of control over one's life.

• Understanding Stoicism's approach to emotions: Stoicism encourages acknowledging, processing, and managing emotions instead of suppressing them, showing strength and resilience

  Stoicism is not about being emotionless, but rather about being in control of one's emotions. Stoics process their emotions, question them, and talk through them before moving on. Marcus Aurelius, a famous stoic, is known to have cried several times in his life, showing that stoicism does not mean suppressing emotions or pretending they don't exist. Instead, it's about acknowledging and dealing with them in a healthy way. The misconception that stoics are emotionless arises from a lack of understanding of the philosophy, which can lead to misunderstanding its true value. Stoicism is about being strong and resilient, not weak or emotionless. It's about recognizing the power of emotions and learning to manage them, rather than being ruled by them.

• Recognize and Honor the Full Range of Human Emotions: Emotions are natural and should be expressed authentically, regardless of gender. Recognize the importance of virtues like courage, self-discipline, justice, and wisdom.

  Emotions, especially those considered "male" like sadness and grief, and those considered "female" like anger and jealousy, should not be criticized or judged. Emotions are a natural part of the human experience, and everyone should feel free to express them authentically. The speaker acknowledges the complexity of this topic and the societal pressures that have led to gendered notions of emotions. They also emphasize the importance of being tough and strong, but not at the expense of emotional vulnerability. The speaker believes that everyone, regardless of gender, should strive for virtues like courage, self-discipline, justice, and wisdom. Ultimately, it's essential to recognize and honor the full range of human emotions, rather than trying to suppress or conform to gendered expectations.

• Validating children's emotions: Acknowledging and validating children's emotions helps them develop emotional intelligence and resilience.

  It's important to validate and acknowledge emotions, especially in children. The speaker shared an experience where a friend's son seemed unfazed about changing schools, but the speaker wanted to ensure he knew it was okay to feel sad about leaving old friends. This ties into the philosophy of Stoicism, which emphasizes the importance of being human and experiencing a full range of emotions. The speaker also shared a personal experience of her parents not believing her when she was in pain as a child, which led her to feel unsupported and unheard. These experiences highlight the importance of being empathetic and believing children when they express their emotions, rather than dismissing or downplaying them. By validating emotions, we help children develop emotional intelligence and resilience.

• Approaching parenting with individual instances, not assumptions: Focus on addressing immediate situations without jumping to conclusions, and teach resilience through appropriate challenges

  As parents, it's essential to approach individual instances with our children as just that - individual instances, rather than jumping to conclusions and extrapolating potential negative outcomes. For example, when a child complains of a hurt thumb, it's crucial not to assume they'll become a certain type of person if we respond in a particular way. Instead, we should focus on addressing the immediate situation and avoiding the "I told you so" mentality. Furthermore, understanding that pain and suffering are inevitable parts of life is crucial. By teaching children to push through challenges and not give up at the first sign of discomfort, we help them develop resilience and grit. However, it's also essential to consider the appropriateness and timing of teaching such lessons. For instance, if a child expresses a desire to quit an activity, it's essential to evaluate whether the situation warrants a discussion about perseverance or if it's a sign that the activity may not be suitable for them. Ultimately, approaching parenting with a nuanced and thoughtful perspective can help us raise children who are better equipped to handle life's challenges and develop essential virtues and values.

• Focus on child's individual needs: Understand and address child's distress, prioritize calm environment, and let go of external pressures for effective parenting

  Parents should focus on addressing their child's individual needs in the moment, rather than getting overwhelmed by external pressures or perceptions. When a child is distressed, it's essential to understand that their behavior may be a result of various factors, such as hunger, sickness, or emotional overwhelm. Instead of trying to manage the situation based on how others may perceive us, we should prioritize creating a calm environment and addressing the root cause of the child's distress. Furthermore, it's crucial to recognize that our children's behaviors are not a reflection of our parenting abilities. A crying baby on a plane or in a restaurant does not make us a bad parent, just as a well-behaved child does not make us superior. By letting go of external pressures and focusing on our children's needs, we can create a more positive and effective parenting experience for both ourselves and our children.