Trauma Bonds & attachment styles: 5 ways your anxious attachment style affects your relationships

Today, we're diving into why self-love is crucial for successful relationships, whether you're single, in a committed relationship, or navigating the dating scene. Let's explore why prioritizing self-love is essential for both you and your relationships.

Many people hear the advice to love themselves more, but the true significance of this often gets overlooked. Think of self-love as the foundation of a house you're building. Without a sturdy foundation, your house won't stand strong. Similarly, for a relationship to thrive, you need a solid foundation within yourself.

I've seen countless clients struggle in relationships, experiencing pain and heartache. Often, they blame external factors or their partners, but the truth is, our internal state plays a significant role. Relationships serve as mirrors, reflecting our inner workings. If our internal landscape isn't healthy, our relationships will suffer.

Consider two individuals dating the same person. One may confidently walk away from a toxic situation, recognizing their worth and ability to heal. The other may cling to the hope that their partner can fix them, perpetuating a cycle of unhealthy relationships.

Your foundation dictates the dynamics of your relationships. With a strong sense of self-love, you're less likely to tolerate harmful behaviors or engage in self-sabotage. You'll establish boundaries and communicate effectively, fostering a healthier connection.

Furthermore, a solid foundation attracts security. Anxiously and avoidantly attached individuals often find themselves in toxic cycles, whereas securely attached individuals prioritize honesty and consistency.

Lastly, self-love enables you to give fully to your relationships. While no one can pour from an empty cup, having a strong foundation allows you to support and uplift your partner, creating a reciprocal flow of love and support.

In essence, nurturing self-love is the key to building fulfilling relationships. Just like maintaining a house, investing in your foundation ensures long-term stability and happiness. So, remember to prioritize self-love—it's the cornerstone of healthy relationships.

Set yourself up for relationship success. Whether you're surviving infidelity, solving relationship problems, improving your relationship, growing your self-worth and confidence amidst a trauma bond, here's the place to be.

Helping you to feel relationship empowered and set you up for relationship success.

LinkedIn Dr Sarah Alsawy-Davies
Instagram @dr.sarahalsawy
Website www.healtraumabonding.com

 want to talk about something many of us experience. You ever feel like you're working tirelessly, yet things just aren't improving? Maybe in your relationship, you're constantly walking on eggshells, avoiding uncomfortable conversations, or trying to make excuses for your partner's behavior. You find yourself doing more and more, hoping it'll keep your partner happy and the relationship intact.

But let me tell you, I've seen this pattern before. People like you pour their energy into superficial fixes like financial success, physical appearance, or even sexual promiscuity, thinking it'll save the relationship. But the truth is, it's often the wrong focus.

You might feel temporarily relieved when things seem to improve, but soon enough, you're back to feeling anxious and empty. You're stuck in this cycle because you're not addressing the real issues. Instead of diving deep into emotional connection, vulnerability, and trust, you're chasing after surface-level fixes.

Set yourself up for relationship success. Whether you're surviving infidelity, solving relationship problems, improving your relationship, growing your self-worth and confidence amidst a trauma bond, here's the place to be.

Helping you to feel relationship empowered and set you up for relationship success.

LinkedIn Dr Sarah Alsawy-Davies
Instagram @dr.sarahalsawy
Website www.healtraumabonding.com

I discuss how individuals often question whether their feelings of anxiety or insecurity are self-generated or provoked by their partner's behavior. I emphasize the importance of discerning between personal issues and those originating from the partner, as failing to do so can lead to ongoing anxiety and uncertainty within the relationship.

I illustrate how individuals often initially blame themselves, assuming their anxieties are unfounded, but over time, these behaviors persist, leading to confusion when attempting to address them with the partner. I explain how you may unwittingly internalize blame, leading to a normalization of problematic behaviors in the relationship.

Furthermore, I explore the concept of projections, explaining how your personal histories and insecurities influence behavior within relationships. I discuss examples where individuals attempt to compensate for perceived inadequacies by striving to meet unrealistic standards set by themselves or their partners. These behaviors, rooted in childhood experiences, become projected onto the relationship, shaping interactions and dynamics.

I encourage introspection to identify and challenge these deeply ingrained beliefs, emphasizing the need for professional support to navigate these complexities effectively. I stress the importance of understanding your own projections before attempting to address issues within the relationship, as this clarity enables you to communicate more effectively and work towards mutual healing and growth as a couple.

Set yourself up for relationship success. Whether you're surviving infidelity, solving relationship problems, improving your relationship, growing your self-worth and confidence amidst a trauma bond, here's the place to be.

Helping you to feel relationship empowered and set you up for relationship success.

LinkedIn Dr Sarah Alsawy-Davies
Instagram @dr.sarahalsawy
Website www.healtraumabonding.com

In this discussion, we're exploring the recurring question of whether someone is in love with the reality of their relationship or if they're enamored with the potential of their partner. The speaker delves into scenarios where individuals might be facing challenges and repeating patterns in their relationships. The central question posed is whether one loves their partner for who they are or if they're holding onto an idealized vision of what the partner could become.

The talk emphasizes three key considerations:

1. Love Bombing and Grand Gestures: The speaker urges listeners to examine if there has been an element of love bombing in the relationship, where partners shower each other with extravagant affection, possibly masking underlying insecurities. Grand gestures, while appealing, may not be sustainable or reflective of day-to-day reality.
2. Self-Esteem and Acceptance of Bad Behaviors: The discussion highlights the impact of low self-esteem on the perception of worthiness in a relationship. Individuals with insecurities might put their partners on pedestals, accepting harmful behaviors because they feel deserving of such treatment. This leads to tolerating difficulties in the hope of achieving potential future happiness.
3. Neurological Processing of Reality: The speaker explores how the brain might blur the line between reality and imagination. The subconscious defense mechanisms could come into play, emphasizing positive characteristics and downplaying negative aspects, creating an exaggerated, idealized version of the partner.

The advice is to step back, evaluate day-to-day interactions, and consider if the relationship aligns with one's values and provides stability. The speaker encourages self-reflection and seeking professional support if necessary, emphasizing the importance of embracing the reality of the relationship for true growth and improvement.

Set yourself up for relationship success. Whether you're surviving infidelity, solving relationship problems, improving your relationship, growing your self-worth and confidence amidst a trauma bond, here's the place to be.

Helping you to feel relationship empowered and set you up for relationship success.

LinkedIn Dr Sarah Alsawy-Davies
Instagram @dr.sarahalsawy
Website www.healtraumabonding.com

In this discussion, I want to talk about the dynamic of victimhood within relationships. It's a challenging topic, and I always aim to be honest, even if the conversation is uncomfortable. My intention is rooted in compassion and love to help you improve, heal, and progress. If you feel triggered, seek support and prioritize self-care.

Victimhood in relationships often involves blaming a partner for causing hurt. While it's valid to acknowledge harmful behaviors, consistently pointing fingers can disempower you. A prevalent trend is labeling behaviors as toxic but continuously blaming the partner. This approach inadvertently gives them power and control over you.

The Karpman drama triangle illustrates that when feeling like a victim, one may identify a persecutor (the bad guy) and wait for a rescuer to save them. This dynamic puts a lot of responsibility on the person who caused the harm. While it's natural to hope for change and apologies, relying on external validation perpetuates victimhood.

The key is to recognize that your emotions are valid without needing someone else to acknowledge them. Empowerment comes from internal resources, and pointing fingers or waiting for validation from the person who hurt you keeps you in a disempowered state. True empowerment involves looking inward, recognizing your worth, and redirecting the energy you use to support others towards yourself.

Breaking the cycle of victimhood requires understanding that you don't need external validation to heal. Instead, focus on labeling behaviors, not individuals, and ask yourself, "What now?" Embrace self-validation, tap into your internal resources, and consider how you would support a friend in a similar situation. Empowerment involves stepping out of victimhood, gathering resources, seeking professional support, and rewiring your internal framework.

In an empowered state, you become less likely to attract negative energy and can respond differently to hurtful behaviors. Ultimately, the goal is to hold your power in the relationship, refusing to give someone else control over your emotions.

Set yourself up for relationship success. Whether you're surviving infidelity, solving relationship problems, improving your relationship, growing your self-worth and confidence amidst a trauma bond, here's the place to be.

Helping you to feel relationship empowered and set you up for relationship success.

LinkedIn Dr Sarah Alsawy-Davies
Instagram @dr.sarahalsawy
Website www.healtraumabonding.com

today we're delving into the topic of relationships, exploring those moments when doubts and struggles arise. You know those times when you've tried everything, followed the books, but you're left wondering, "Is this relationship worth fighting for?" We often hit this crossroads in distress, questioning the potential and the happiness it brings. So, let me break down three key principles for you to consider.

Firstly, the three commandments for a healthy relationship: "I am happy, you are happy, and the relationship is happy." Simplifying it helps us avoid overcomplicating things. Essentially, it's about both partners committing to personal and mutual happiness, aligning their directions.

Secondly, the importance of distinguishing personal anxieties from relationship dynamics. Self-projections, those doubts and stories we carry, can heavily influence how we perceive our partner's feelings. It's essential to differentiate between what's truly happening in the relationship and what's our own inner narrative.

Finally, core characteristics and values play a crucial role. We often get into relationships for what they bring to us, rather than embracing the traits and values of our partner. Evaluating whether your partner's traits align with what you genuinely desire is key.

In essence, it's about being aware of the traits, characteristics, and values at play, understanding the nuances, and making informed decisions about the viability of the relationship. Remember, these reflections might require some introspection and openness to discussing these aspects with your partner. 

Set yourself up for relationship success. Whether you're surviving infidelity, solving relationship problems, improving your relationship, growing your self-worth and confidence amidst a trauma bond, here's the place to be.

Helping you to feel relationship empowered and set you up for relationship success.

LinkedIn Dr Sarah Alsawy-Davies
Instagram @dr.sarahalsawy
Website www.healtraumabonding.com

In this conversation, I'm diving into the recurring challenges we often face in relationships, asking myself, "Why am I here again?" I'm exploring the concept of relationship homeostasis, comparing it to the idea of maintaining a set point in biology. The discussion is split into two main parts: the subconscious process and neurological imprinting.

On a subconscious level, I'm pointing out that early experiences shape my beliefs about self-worth and lovability. These beliefs, formed during my childhood, create conditions for feeling valued based on certain achievements or behaviors. I'm emphasizing the importance of questioning and unlearning these old beliefs, understanding their origin, and considering self-forgiveness.

On the biological side, it involves regulating hormones like dopamine and cortisol, triggering stress responses when I deviate from my perceived set point. This stress response, rooted in evolutionary survival mechanisms, creates a loop of behaviors aimed at restoring the perceived safety of my set point. I'm suggesting somatic practices to regulate my nervous system and break free from these patterns.

In conclusion, I'm encouraging myself to explore and redefine my truth, free from unrealistic conditions, and suggesting somatic practices to regulate my nervous system for lasting change. The focus is on understanding and changing both my subconscious beliefs and neurological responses to foster healthier relationship dynamics.

Set yourself up for relationship success. Whether you're surviving infidelity, solving relationship problems, improving your relationship, growing your self-worth and confidence amidst a trauma bond, here's the place to be.

Helping you to feel relationship empowered and set you up for relationship success.

LinkedIn Dr Sarah Alsawy-Davies
Instagram @dr.sarahalsawy
Website www.healtraumabonding.com

In this episode I talk about the challenges of having difficult conversations in relationships. The key points include:

1. The importance of having difficult conversations for the growth of a relationship.
2. Two common challenges: individuals who struggle to express themselves and those whose messages are not understood by their partners.
3. The need to assess and gradually open up emotionally based on the partner's response.
4. The significance of understanding the purpose of communication, which is to share and achieve mutual understanding.
5. Strategies for initiating difficult conversations, such as labelling them and considering the partner's capacity to engage at that moment.
6. The necessity of tolerating uncomfortable information during these conversations for the sake of problem-solving and relationship improvement.

Overall, the intention behind the conversation is crucial, gradual sharing, clear labelling, considering timing, and a willingness to hear uncomfortable truths as crucial aspects of successfully navigating difficult conversations in relationships.

Set yourself up for relationship success. Whether you're surviving infidelity, solving relationship problems, improving your relationship, growing your self-worth and confidence amidst a trauma bond, here's the place to be.

Helping you to feel relationship empowered and set you up for relationship success.

LinkedIn Dr Sarah Alsawy-Davies
Instagram @dr.sarahalsawy
Website www.healtraumabonding.com

Let's talk about the muddy ground of what is an attachment vs connection:
Attachment styles, whether secure or insecure, are deeply rooted in the need for safety. Insecure attachments can be problematic, leading to patterns that are hard to break.

Attachments are not limited to interpersonal relationships; they extend to everything in our lives. Unhealthy attachments can emerge when we seek external things to fill internal insecurities. This pattern, rooted in a lack of safety, can lead to power imbalances.

On the other hand, connection involves maintaining ownership over one's power and control while appreciating and embracing differences in others. True connection is about understanding that the true power lies within oneself, making autonomous choices in alignment with personal values and purpose.

Attempting to shape a partner based on one's own preferences stems from unhealthy attachments, as it suggests a lack of acceptance of the partner's natural self. Connection, being a more healthy measure for relationships, involves observing and embracing the partner's characteristics without trying to change them. The episode encourages a shift from attachment to connection for healthier and more fulfilling relationships.

Set yourself up for relationship success. Whether you're surviving infidelity, solving relationship problems, improving your relationship, growing your self-worth and confidence amidst a trauma bond, here's the place to be.

Helping you to feel relationship empowered and set you up for relationship success.

LinkedIn Dr Sarah Alsawy-Davies
Instagram @dr.sarahalsawy
Website www.healtraumabonding.com

In this talk, I explore the common struggles many of us face in balancing our careers and relationships. As we strive for success, certain personality traits like being an achiever, perfectionist, challenger, or individualist can impact our interactions with loved ones. If you're an achiever, you might feel success is never enough; as a perfectionist, you could set high standards at home. Challengers may create power imbalances, and individualists may feel unique but disconnected. Additionally, I discuss the dynamics between helpers (like you) who want to rescue and partners (like me) who may resist or feel overwhelmed. It's crucial to recognize these traits and seek support to navigate relationship challenges successfully. If you ever need assistance, my details are in the show notes below. Until next time, take care.

Set yourself up for relationship success. Whether you're surviving infidelity, solving relationship problems, improving your relationship, growing your self-worth and confidence amidst a trauma bond, here's the place to be.

Helping you to feel relationship empowered and set you up for relationship success.

LinkedIn Dr Sarah Alsawy-Davies
Instagram @dr.sarahalsawy
Website www.healtraumabonding.com