Logo

    WHEN THE LOVE BOMBING DOESN'T WORK...

    enAugust 03, 2024
    What is love bombing and how is it used?
    How can one identify genuine versus manipulative behavior?
    Why is clear communication important in relationships?
    What should be considered in self-assessment during love bombing?
    How did the speaker maintain power in her relationship?

    Podcast Summary

    • Love bombing manipulationBe cautious of excessive displays of affection, assess actions against words, and maintain clear communication to avoid falling for love bombing manipulation.

      Love bombing, a tactic used by some men to manipulate women into intimacy, can be a disappointing experience when it turns out to be insincere. Love bombing involves excessive and overloading displays of affection, often through material gifts or grand promises for the future. However, these gestures may not reflect the man's true intentions, and the realization of this deception can lead to embarrassment and confusion. To avoid falling for love bombing, it's essential to look for actions that match the words and assess the man's consistency. Men who genuinely care will show their commitment through their actions, not just their words. Furthermore, be wary of language that sounds too good to be true, such as promises of spoiling or excessive compliments, as these may be attempts to manipulate emotions and gain access to intimacy. Ultimately, the best approach is to maintain a clear and honest communication with potential partners, and be cautious of men who create unclear or manipulative environments.

    • Love bombingLove bombing is a manipulative tactic used to gain control and power, with promises not always kept, and can be a red flag for future abuse.

      Love bombing is a manipulative tactic used by some men to gain control and power in relationships. It's important for women to be aware of the signs and understand that the intensity of the attention and affection shown is not genuine. Men who love bomb may not have pure intentions, and their behavior can be a red flag for future abuse. When the love bombing stops, men may ghost or test the woman's reaction to gauge their interest and need for validation. Women should be strong during this time and not give in to the pressure to reach out. Remember, a man's promises should be kept regardless of the outcome, and a healthy relationship is built on mutual respect and trust.

    • Love bombing manipulationA man's behavior during and after love bombing can reveal if he genuinely likes you or if he's manipulating you for sexual access. Ignoring him back can help determine his worth as a partner.

      The behavior of a man during a failed attempt at love bombing can reveal his true character. A man who can ghost or go silent after love bombing is not someone who genuinely likes you. Instead, he may be playing a game to manipulate you into giving him sexual access. The silence competition can be used as a strategy to observe how long a man is able to go without contact before giving in. By ignoring him back, a woman can determine if he is worth considering as a serious partner. Additionally, during the love bombing stage, it can be beneficial to act as if you're in on the game and keep the interaction light and fun. If the man fails to deliver on his promises, remaining calm and collected can prevent emotional distress. Overall, observing a man's behavior during and after love bombing can provide valuable insights into his character and intentions.

    • Secondary phone strategyHaving a secondary phone with a separate number can provide psychological detachment and control when dealing with persistent suitors and love bombers, allowing focus on personal needs and priorities.

      Having a secondary phone with a separate number can be an effective strategy when dealing with persistent suitors, particularly those who engage in love bombing behavior. This approach allows for a psychological detachment, as the person is not constantly checking their primary phone for messages or notifications. It also empowers the individual by giving them control over their communication and reducing the attachment they may feel towards the suitor. This method can be particularly useful when dealing with individuals who are known to be serial love bombers or those who make grand promises but lack substance. By having a separate phone, the person can avoid the psychological invasion that comes with constant contact and focus on their own needs and priorities.

    • Maintaining power dynamics in relationshipsEmphasize organic growth and authenticity, prioritize your own values and goals, and assertively reject unfair arrangements to maintain power dynamics in relationships.

      While it's possible to entertain grand gestures and promises from potential partners, it's essential to maintain a sense of self-worth and power in the relationship. In the speaker's experience, a man tried to win her over with a plane ticket and promises of fame, but she kept the power dynamic in check by emphasizing the importance of organic growth and authenticity. However, when the man proposed an unfair business arrangement, she assertively rejected it, leading him to eventually back off. The lesson here is to be open to new experiences and opportunities, but always prioritize your own values and goals. Don't let anyone pressure you into feeling desperate or desperate for validation. Instead, approach every situation with confidence and a clear sense of what you want and deserve.

    • Maintaining power in relationshipsFocus on yourself and engage in joyful activities if a man isn't actively pursuing you or following up. Be wary of love bombing and aim for a healthy, balanced relationship based on respect and communication.

      In relationships, it's essential to maintain your power and independence. If a man is not actively pursuing you or following up, it's a sign that he may not be worth your time. Instead, focus on yourself and engage in activities that bring joy and fulfillment. Additionally, if a man is love bombing you, it's important to remember that the intensity of the attention may not last. Instead, aim to build a healthy and balanced relationship based on mutual respect and communication. Lastly, for an exciting and hilarious experience, consider attending Chidi's live show, "Patriarchy's Worst Nightmare," at Leicester Square Theatre on October 26th. Tickets are available now, so secure yours before they sell out!

    • Self-worth in relationshipsMaintain self-worth in relationships by staying strong, remembering true love, exploring multiple connections, and recognizing your own worth.

      Maintaining self-worth is crucial in relationships, especially when dealing with difficult situations like a partner's disappearing act or forgetting personal items. It's essential not to cave in or become emotionally attached, as this can lead to unnecessary heartache and wasted time. Instead, stay strong and remember that true love will find its way to you if you're operating from a place of genuine self-worth. Additionally, don't be afraid to explore multiple relationships or connections, as this can help prevent becoming too emotionally invested in one person. Ultimately, it's important to recognize and respect your own worth and not settle for less than what you deserve.

    • Love bombingBe aware of love bombing behaviors, but don't let them control the relationship. Consider long-term commitment potential and financial stability when assessing a partner.

      While it's natural to enjoy the attention and affection, or "love bombing," from a potential partner, it's important to remember that such behaviors may not last. The speaker suggests enjoying the experience while it lasts, but not letting it control or define the relationship. Additionally, she emphasizes the importance of self-assessment when encountering such situations, considering factors like the man's financial stability and long-term commitment potential. Ultimately, the goal is to avoid being taken advantage of in the name of love bombing.

    Recent Episodes from The Slumflower Hour

    HAVING HIS BABIES?

    HAVING HIS BABIES?
    Is the pressure on to start a family? Feeling broody? Or maybe even experiencing that FOMO feeling as everyone around you is starting to have babies? You are not alone! In this episode, join Chidera as she talks about why you don't need to have kids just because you want to...and the ways we can all show up in a maternal role without having to commit to parenthood *cough cough* shout out to the aunties! NEW DATE ADDED FOR MY SOLD OUT LIVE SHOW! Get tickets for my October 27th LIVE SHOW Join my patreon for access to more revealing episodes, a 65-page guide on whether to keep or leave that guy, as well as answering your dilemma questions! Get my latest book POCKET POWER FROM THE SLUMFLOWER  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
    The Slumflower Hour
    enSeptember 13, 2024

    DATING AS A FIRST BORN DAUGHTER

    DATING AS A FIRST BORN DAUGHTER
    Are you a first born daughter who has been plagued by the perpetual sense of responsibility...even over the men you date? Has your first born daughter status evolved into a saviour complex? Do you feel like you need to be useful in order to be loved? Dear first born daughters, this one is for us! In this episode, join Chidera as she muses and reflects on her life and upbringing as a first born daughter - and how this has actually empowered her to be stern, bold and fearless in her self-advocacy when dating men. NEW DATE ADDED FOR MY SOLD OUT LIVE SHOW! Get tickets for my October 27th LIVE SHOW Join my patreon for access to more revealing episodes, a 65-page guide on whether to keep or leave that guy, as well as answering your dilemma questions! Get my latest book POCKET POWER FROM THE SLUMFLOWER  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
    The Slumflower Hour
    enSeptember 06, 2024

    HOW TO DATE NIGERIAN MEN

    HOW TO DATE NIGERIAN MEN
    Have you been victimised by a Nigerian man? Are you too nice to the Nigerian men you date? (YES) Is there a lack of cultural awareness that impinges upon your ability to understand Nigerian men? However you resonate (or don't) with these questions, you'll enjoy this episode full of insight, banter and cultural context from a Nigerian woman, herself! In this episode, join The Slumflower as she discusses how best to date Nigerian men to enjoy the best of them and avoid the worst of them... Join my patreon for access to more revealing episodes, a 65-page guide on whether to keep or leave that guy, as well as answering your dilemma questions! Get my latest book POCKET POWER FROM THE SLUMFLOWER  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
    The Slumflower Hour
    enAugust 30, 2024

    SO YOU'RE NOT LEARNING YOUR LESSON...

    SO YOU'RE NOT LEARNING YOUR LESSON...
    Are you that friend who keeps calling your friend to complain about the same man you won't leave? Are you the friend who wishes your homegirl would get a grip and get over that man, so you can have your friend back? Or are you that woman who has exhausted all your friendships and has found herself isolated because you keep choosing men over self-respect? If any of the above resonate, this episode is for you! In this episode, join Chidera as she discusses the irritation of being that woman who simply won't learn her bloody lesson... Join my patreon for access to more revealing episodes, a 65-page guide on whether to keep or leave that guy, as well as answering your dilemma questions! Get my latest book POCKET POWER FROM THE SLUMFLOWER  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
    The Slumflower Hour
    enAugust 23, 2024

    DATING WHILE NEURODIVERGENT

    DATING WHILE NEURODIVERGENT
    Do you find your neurodivergence interfering with your dating life? Have you found your rejection sensitivity makes you more prone to rumination? Has your constant masking made you more used to tolerating discomfort around men? In this episode, join The Slumflower as she discusses how her neurodivergence influences the way she navigates men. Join my patreon for access to more revealing episodes, a 65-page guide on whether to keep or leave that guy, as well as answering your dilemma questions! Get my latest book POCKET POWER FROM THE SLUMFLOWER  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
    The Slumflower Hour
    enAugust 16, 2024

    THE PARADOX OF THE PICK-ME

    THE PARADOX OF THE PICK-ME
    Are pick-me women simply misunderstood? Are things 'easier' with men when you let patriarchy run its course? What can women do to avoid becoming desperate? In this episode, join Chidera as she talks through all the reasons why picking men over yourself will always leave you short-changed and resentful - no matter how exceptional you think your situation is... Get tickets for my October 26th LIVE SHOW at Leicester Square Theatre, London Join my patreon for access to more revealing episodes, a 65-page guide on whether to keep or leave that guy, as well as answering your dilemma questions! Get my latest book POCKET POWER FROM THE SLUMFLOWER  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
    The Slumflower Hour
    enAugust 09, 2024

    WHEN THE LOVE BOMBING DOESN'T WORK...

    WHEN THE LOVE BOMBING DOESN'T WORK...
    Did you notice yourself almost falling for the botched dream being sold to you? Was it all stating to feel a little too good to be true? Has he switched up on you because his little game didn't work? Nothing hits better than that 'thank God I didn't fall for him' relief and in this episode, The Slumflower visits the various ways men become sassy and insufferable when their grandiosity backfires! Get tickets for my October 26th LIVE SHOW Join my patreon for access to more revealing episodes, a 65-page guide on whether to keep or leave that guy, as well as answering your dilemma questions! Get my latest book POCKET POWER FROM THE SLUMFLOWER  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
    The Slumflower Hour
    enAugust 03, 2024

    FEARING MEN

    FEARING MEN
    This episode was voted for by the patrons over at Patreon! If we can all agree that men are scary, then we can al agree that dating men should be worth our time, right? Join Chidera, as she chats through safety, self esteem and making men EARN your trust! Join my patreon for access to more revealing episodes, a 65-page guide on whether to keep or leave that guy, as well as answering your dilemma questions! Get my new book POCKET POWER FROM THE SLUMFLOWER  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
    The Slumflower Hour
    enJuly 26, 2024

    HOW TO MOVE ON

    HOW TO MOVE ON
    Do you fantasise about him coming back? Do you tend to develop limerence for men who leave you? Do you allow yourself to feel your anger in full? If any of these questions resonate with you, this episode might hit home. Join The Slumflower as she discusses why you should test men, why you need to stop 'healing' and why it's totally okay that you might not meet 'the one'. Join my patreon for access to more revealing episodes, a 65-page guide on whether to keep or leave that guy, as well as answering your dilemma questions! Get my new book POCKET POWER FROM THE SLUMFLOWER  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
    The Slumflower Hour
    enJuly 19, 2024

    BECOMING MORE ASSERTIVE

    BECOMING MORE ASSERTIVE
    Are you an 'understanding girlfriend' who can't quite seem to get the words out when you're annoyed at him? Have you decided what your non-negotiables are in what you'll tolerate from a guy? Are you a 'free spirit' or are you giving your power away to men? In this episode, join The Slumflower as she plots out smooth and non-aggressive ways to be more assertive in the presence of men, while maintaining your authentic personality - plus a very saucy South of France storytime...involving a yacht ;) Join my patreon for access to more revealing episodes, a 65-page guide on whether to keep or leave that guy, as well as answering your dilemma questions! Get my new book POCKET POWER FROM THE SLUMFLOWER  Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
    The Slumflower Hour
    enJuly 12, 2024