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    Why is it SO HARD to be a Good Asian Kid?

    en-usMarch 27, 2023

    Podcast Summary

    • Unique challenges for Asian students in the competitive worldAsian students face disproportionate pressure to excel, leading to mental health issues, but help is available through coaching to improve mental health and sense of purpose.

      Being a successful Asian kid in today's competitive world comes with unique challenges that can lead to a mental health crisis. The pressure to excel academically and professionally is immense, and the stakes are higher for Asian students compared to their counterparts. For instance, to get into medical school in the US, an Asian student needs to score in the top 23% of premed students, while a Caucasian student only needs to be in the top 30-35%, and a Latino student can be in the bottom half. These statistics highlight the disproportionate pressure Asian students face to outperform their peers. This pressure can lead to anxiety, despair, and even suicide, which is a major concern in the Asian American community. However, it's important to note that this pressure is not inherently bad. Organizations like HE Coaching offer solutions to help individuals navigate these challenges and improve their mental health. Through coaching, individuals can experience significant improvements in their sense of purpose, anxiety, and despair. And the results are not just anecdotal; HE Coaching has presented their findings at the American Psychiatric Association National Conference and has conducted multiple research studies to back up their claims. In summary, while the pressure to succeed can be overwhelming for Asian students, it's important to remember that help is available, and taking steps to prioritize mental health can lead to positive outcomes.

    • Pressure on Asian applicants to excel academicallyAsian applicants face immense pressure to excel academically due to societal expectations and objective factors, which can negatively impact mental health.

      Being a good doctor and getting accepted into medical school involves more than just good test scores, but for Asian applicants, the pressure to excel academically is immense due to both objective factors and societal expectations. Objectively, Asian applicants must perform significantly better than other ethnicities to have a chance at acceptance. However, this pressure can lead to significant stress and negative impacts on mental health. Asian cultures prioritize success and saving face, leading parents to place immense pressure on their children to succeed, regardless of circumstances. This pressure can be detrimental, especially when combined with the objective challenges facing Asian applicants. It's essential to recognize and address these pressures to support the mental health and well-being of Asian American students.

    • Cultural beliefs impact Asian Americans' mental healthCultural beliefs of personal responsibility and saving face can prevent Asian Americans from seeking help for mental health struggles, leading to higher suicide rates.

      Cultural beliefs around personal responsibility and saving face contribute to mental health struggles and higher suicide rates among Asian Americans. These beliefs can lead to a reluctance to seek help due to a belief that internal struggles are a personal deficiency and an embarrassment. The emphasis on fixing visible problems and saving face can make it difficult for individuals to acknowledge and address mental health issues. It's crucial to challenge these beliefs and create safe spaces for Asian Americans to openly discuss and address their mental health concerns.

    • Asian American mental health struggles and societal pressureParental disregard for mental health issues and societal pressure to succeed can discourage Asian Americans from seeking help, leading to feelings of embarrassment and isolation.

      The cultural emphasis on visible achievements in Asian American communities can create a challenging environment for those dealing with mental health struggles. Parents may not take mental health issues seriously if they can't be seen, making it difficult for children to seek help. This conditioning towards personal responsibility and comparison to others can lead to feelings of embarrassment and discouragement when seeking assistance. It's essential to recognize that seeking help is okay, and the world's increasing complexity may impact everyone differently. Instead of focusing on comparisons, we should acknowledge the unique challenges each person faces and the importance of prioritizing mental health.

    • Impact of Comparison and Undervaluing Self-WorthRecognizing and challenging limiting beliefs about self-worth and seeking help is crucial for personal growth despite societal pressures and financial costs.

      The conditioning of comparing oneself to others and undervaluing one's worth can hinder personal growth and seeking help. The speaker highlights the impact of Asian conditioning, where individuals are constantly compared to their peers and pressured to excel, leading to a mindset that prioritizes external validation over self-worth. This can manifest in various cognitive traps, such as dismissing personal struggles due to others' achievements, questioning the value of help due to financial costs, and doubting one's deservingness of support. To overcome these barriers, it's crucial to recognize and challenge these limiting beliefs, and prioritize self-care and seeking help as valuable investments in personal growth and well-being.

    • Asian American kids suppress emotions due to societal expectationsSocietal pressures prioritizing academic and professional success can hinder Asian American kids from seeking mental health help, leading to feelings of inadequacy and worthlessness. Encouraging open communication and prioritizing mental health alongside achievements can help break this cycle.

      The lack of validation and worthiness felt by Asian American kids can hinder them from seeking help during mental health crises. This stems from societal expectations that prioritize academic and professional success over personal desires, leading many to suppress their emotions and feelings of inadequacy. The fear of not being worth enough investment can further perpetuate this cycle. To address this issue, it's essential to encourage open communication and prioritize mental health alongside academic and professional achievements. Additionally, helping Asian American kids rediscover their passions and desires can empower them to break free from societal expectations and seek help when needed. Remember, everyone deserves support and validation, regardless of their background or perceived worthiness.

    • Navigating Parental Expectations and Personal DesiresSeek help and support when feeling trapped by parental expectations, prioritize mental health, and remember that life is not a solo endeavor.

      It's important to acknowledge the struggles and pressures faced by individuals, particularly those from Asian backgrounds, in balancing their own desires and their parents' expectations. The speaker shares their personal experience of feeling trapped and unfulfilled, and the importance of seeking help and support to turn things around. The speaker emphasizes that help is not a sign of weakness, but rather a necessary resource in navigating life's challenges. They encourage asking for help when needed and remind us that life is not a solo endeavor. The speaker also emphasizes the importance of mental health and encourages seeking professional help if experiencing thoughts of suicidality or depression. Overall, the conversation highlights the importance of self-care, self-acceptance, and seeking support to live a fulfilling and authentic life.

    • Recognizing the need for help beyond therapyEveryone deserves support, and help comes in various forms like coaching, self-reflection, and therapy. If suicidal thoughts persist, seek professional help.

      It's essential to recognize that everyone, including Asian Americans, deserves help and support in navigating life, and not all help comes in the form of therapy. Many individuals, even those who are not mentally ill, may feel lost or lack a clear path forward to achieving their goals, leading them to consider suicide. It's crucial to ask oneself what one truly wants in life and whether one's current path is fulfilling. Coaching, for instance, can serve as a mental health tutor, guiding individuals to discover their passions, learn new skills, and communicate effectively with their parents. If suicidal thoughts persist, seeking help from a therapist is crucial. Remember, you don't need to deserve help to receive it, and it can significantly improve your life.

    • Self-worth beyond accomplishmentsRecognize self-worth, focus on benefits, and seize opportunities, regardless of 'deserving' them.

      While it's important to recognize the value of self-worth, it's equally important not to tie it solely to accomplishments. Instead, we should focus on the benefits that something can bring to our lives, regardless of whether we feel we deserve it or not. The conversation touched upon the idea that our self-worth should not be defined by external factors, such as achievements or recognition. However, it's also important to acknowledge that sometimes, taking advantage of opportunities or acquiring material possessions can have positive impacts on our well-being and overall happiness. The speaker emphasized that there's no need to dwell on whether or not we "deserve" something, as this mindset can hinder us from moving forward and seizing opportunities. Instead, we should focus on the potential benefits and how they can contribute to our personal growth and fulfillment. Ultimately, the key takeaway is to strike a balance between recognizing the importance of self-worth and being open to new experiences and opportunities, regardless of whether we feel we "deserve" them or not. By doing so, we can live more fulfilling lives and unlock our full potential.

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    EPISODE 2: VILLAINS, VICTIMS AND HEROES | PASSING THOUGHTS PODCAST | rbccmnq

    EPISODE 2: VILLAINS, VICTIMS AND HEROES | PASSING THOUGHTS PODCAST | rbccmnq

    In order to see the bigger picture, we must step back. What role do you see yourself playing?

    ----

    You can view the transcription, references and resources on the podcast episode page here (If link is faulty, copy and paste: https://www.rbccmnq.com/episode-2). 


    About host

    Hi, I’m Rebecca-Monique: an ICF accredited (PCC) somatic and transformational coach. My work is centred around supporting individuals through their healing. 

    My specialist areas are grief, trauma, anxiety, depression, addiction, sense of Self (identity), boundaries and confidence. 

    I have particular interests in social sciences and human-centred disciplines, including psychology, psycholinguistics, sociology, spirituality and philosophy. 

    I live in London, UK with my son (who is also blessed with the awesomeness that is hyphenated first names!).

    You can find out more about my personal journey and what led me to becoming a coach here

    If you’re thinking about working together for 1:1 coaching, please start here


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    Disclaimer

    ​​This podcast is not coaching, nor a replacement for coaching with an accredited professional.

    These episodes are published with the understanding that the Coach and the Business are not engaged in rendering psychological, financial, legal or other professional services to its listeners.

    If expert assistance is needed, the service of a competent professional should be sought.

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