YNFA 023: So I Married an Axe Murderer, or Invasion of the Bonny Slasher

Get ready for a two-fer as we don our nun-drag and raise our voices for Whoopi Goldberg’s Sister Act and its sequel. Has a life of poverty, obedience and chastity ever looked so dang fun? Has Catholic guilty ever been so successfully played for laughs? Why is Kathy Najimy such a national treasure? And is Lauryn Hill’s voice the only redeeming part of the sequel? We’ll get back to you after we perfect our Motown choreography. 

Warm up the water in your tiny tin bathtub and pull out your pastel pedal pushers hat as we bebop into John Waters’s Cry-Baby. Did Waters achieve the ultimate level of Postmodern metatextual campiness by creating a pastiche of his own film style here? Can the power of a quality goth accessory really change hearts and minds? Is this perhaps the best Willem Dafoe cameo ever? And is Kim McGuire, aka "Hatchet-Face", basically the biggest badass who ever lived? We’ll let you know after this sloppy, sloppy make-out session. 

Warm up that blowtorch and slip off your bra through your shirt sleeve as we splash into 1983’s Flashdance. Why were butts so flat in the 80s? Did Nair literally and figuratively scar a generation? Can we give Jennifer Beals forever props for championing the off-the-shoulder look? And we all know about that iconic scene, but why is the rest of this movie so very very wet? We’ll give you our answers in the form of this interpretive dance. 

Don't let the scholastic stress get to you, and prepare yourself for some ethnic slurs as we enroll in 1992’s School Ties. Is young Brendan Fraser an actual Classical sculpture come to life? Was anyone expecting this cultural drama to actually have a complete thrilling sports scene in the middle of it? And does that shower scene mean there is footage out there of Damon and Fraser dong? We sometimes have answers but waspy white dude will always be pricks. 

Make sure you clap on cue and that Gunther gets your coffee order as we PIVOT into the 90s sitcom behemoth Friends. Is it worth wearing a potentially toxic Turkey mask for a bit on a purely audio format? (Always.) Did Joey get a bit too dumb, is Phoebe the best or the worst, and why does Ross suck so much? And how deep has this show rooted itself into our cultural memory? Ask us after we finish rewatching all 10 seasons of this classic. 

Put on your rattiest bunny suit and good luck avoiding that falling jet engine as we moodily sleepwalk into 2001’s Donnie Darko. Could this movie end friendships on this podcast? Is this a unique lucid dreamscape put on film, or just plain pretentious? Is Jake Gyllenhaal creepy or dreamy? And can we get a whole movie about Jolene Purdy’s Cherita instead? You might find some answers in the Director’s Cut of this super-sized episode. 

Brush up on your horror movie tropes and make sure you stick close to the Final Girl as we sacrifice some stereotyped teenagers in 2011’s The Cabin in the Woods. Do you need an encyclopedic knowledge of horror movies to appreciate this movie? Or does the comedy carry everything along? Does the shadow of Joss Whedon loom too large, especially in the final scene? And why isn’t Fran Kranz in more TV and movies please? One thing we can tell you for sure, this movie definitely was cooler with the merman. 

Knock back a couple shots of Ouzo and spritz some Windex on that skin ailment as we take a deep Mediterranean dip with Nia Vardalos’s My Big Fat Greek Wedding. Which is stronger, the Greek American cultural nostalgia emanating off this film, or the inescapable adoration for ultimate romcom lead John Corbett? Are most cultures actually based on guilt and food? And honestly, what is up with the Windex? 

Order up a business ladies special lunch and practice your interpretive dance routine as we pass ourselves off as stationery heiresses in 1997’s Romy and Michele’s High School Reunion. Does our appreciation of cringe grow with age? Who is the Mary among your BFFs? In what world are Lisa Kudrow or Mira Sorvino chubby? Is Janeane Garofalo the true legend of this movie? And why did they make Alan Cumming look like Sylvester Stallone? We'll let you know after we fold these scarves.

Steal the most unwieldy leather-bound tome you can find from your mysterious neighborhood bookseller and hide in your school’s spooky attic as we fly off into a serious childhood touchstone, 1984’s The NeverEnding Story. Is the raw egg swilling dad in this a secret alcoholic? Do we all have deep deep horse girl feelings? Why does this movie swing between scaring the crap out of kids, and making them bawl in utter grief? And for all the great puppetry in this—hello Falkor, you amazing fantasy steed—why does the evil Nothing wolf look like a Chuck E. Cheese side character? We’re sure the answers will come from this heartrendingly plaintive child ruler named after our hippie mom.