A Cure for the Common Craig

It took something special like a 100th episode to do another list show, but here it is. Submitted for your approval, we present our top 10 favorite original Twilight Zone episodes. And in classic TZ tradition, you'll hear some well-known episodes being mentioned, but there are a few twists to this list, deviating from some of the more popular titles. We hope you'll enjoy it.

We've heard the disembodied voice screaming, "GET OUT!" That means the new owner probably wants to move in. So, it's time to wrap this move up with a true story of a house oozing with evil! Wait, though. Is it really true, or is it all just a lot of hokum?

George and Kathy Lutz just got a great deal on what they feel could be their dream home, paying well under market value. Kathy does seem a little concerned about the DeFeo murders, involving the deaths of six people within the house, just over a year prior. But houses don't have memories, do they?

We discuss the first film adaptation of the 1977 book from Jay Anson, recounting the events that the Lutz family says they experienced during their twenty-eight days spent in the Dutch Colonial at 112 Ocean Avenue. Get ready to hear about as many cheap shocks and horror clichés as you can handle! It's billed as a true story, but did it really happen? I guess that we may never know. And maybe it's that uncertainty that makes The Amityville Horror (1979) so intriguing.

The stress of preparing to move is bad enough, so I guess that it's nice to know the history of the house that you're moving into. Unless it happens to be a murder house. And if it does, you might think that getting out of there as quickly as possible is the best plan. Or is it?

The chances of finding a box of Super 8 snuff films in the attic of our new house is probably pretty unlikely. And we don't even have children, so we're probably safe, even if we watched the snuff! Unless this whole Bughuul thing works on cats, too. Then we're in big trouble. Getting mixed up with something known as the "eater of children" would be bad enough, but I would definitely not want the "eater of cats" moving in with us.

Right in the middle of our move, things just got a whole lot more Sinister (2012)!

Most of us have been there. There's a life change, something happens, and you have to move. That's what is happening with us, right now! And why not celebrate the stress and exhaustion of moving preparation, with a series of episodes on people moving into horrific situations? Because at least we can take comfort that what happens to them probably won't happen to us.

When a house has not been occupied for 30 years, as someone considering making that place my home, I may be curious as to why. Maybe the Sacchetti family got such a great deal that they didn't care? But really, they probably could have done some research. I feel like they're probably going to figure out why this movie is called We Are Still Here (2015). And why the hell is it so hot in the cellar?

When March rolls around and things are not warming up quickly enough, sometimes you just need to get away on a spring break! But what if you're on a limited budget? Then you might end up on a zombie-infested island like we did! Realistically, this movie has nothing to do with spring break, we know. Just humor us, please.

A seemingly abandoned boat turns up in the New York City harbor, linking the owner to the mysterious island of Matool in the Caribbean. When the boat's owner is discovered to have gone missing, his daughter and a reporter make it their mission to locate Matool in an attempt to unravel the mystery behind his disappearance.

That all probably sounds pretty tame, right? No big deal. Until zombies show up and start biting off chunks of flesh and ripping out throats with their teeth. Of course, there are plenty of other moments of zombies chowing down on human flesh, along with infamous scenes involving a rather large splinter penetrating an eyeball, Spanish conquistadores rising from their graves, and an underwater zombie versus a shark!

Lucio Fulci's reputation as the "Godfather of Gore" truly begins here, with the splatter classic, Zombie (1979)!

We take a little horror break, and hit the streets for some exploitation action! And high school. Because when you think action, you think high school. But let me tell you, these teachers might actually struggle more than the gang members in the other two movies.

Director Jack Hill brings us a tale of rivalries and betrayal in an all-female gang. Juvenile delinquency and exploitation trash go hand in hand, in Switchblade Sisters (1975)!

Can you dig it? If you can't, then you might want to stay away from New York City in the '70s. When Cyrus, leader of the largest gang in the city, is assassinated while a truce is in place for a massive meeting of local gangs, one gang is falsely accused and suddenly on the run for their lives! Will The Warriors (1979) come out to play, in this irresistible cult classic?

And then from there, I don't know what is going on at this high school, but the faculty is clearly in a lot of trouble. While the administration seemingly does nothing, a gang of punks makes the lives of the teachers a living hell! Should the Class of 1984 (1982) be expelled?

The long, cold winter is upon us. And can't you just feel the folk horror lurking about in the silence of the snowfall? Join us, as we travel back to Europe for three more folk horror nightmares.

Bears behaving badly in Lithuania, in Lokis: A Manuscript of Professor Wittembach (1970).  Serbian vampire legends making for dangerous mill work in Leptirica (1973). And then from there, discover the mysteries of a secluded island convent. With candlelit catacombs, obviously. Dark Waters (1993). 

There's still time to celebrate Giallo January! And what better way to spend it than with master of horror, Dario Argento. And we can't talk about Suspiria or The Bird with the Crystal Plumage again, can we? No, no. We covered those in our Top 10 Horror Films of the 1970s episodes. So here are three more titles, just dripping with blood red Italian horror!

After witnessing the murder of a psychic, a pianist cannot shake his obsession to unravel the mystery of who was responsible, despite becoming a target himself. Get ready for arm wrestling, fiendish child artwork, a creepy animatronic doll, and a brutal, gruesome finale, in Deep Red, aka Profondo Rosso (1975)!

To promote the release of his latest novel, an American author travels to Italy on a book tour, where a killer is using his work as a template in a series of ghastly murders. We hope that you don't mind a few twists along the way, because this ending is well worth the wait! Things get more than a little messy in Tenebrae (1982).

And then from there, Jennifer Connelly teams up with Donald Pleasence, in the role of an entomologist, as they use Jennifer's ability to communicate with insects to uncover the identity of a mad killer in scenic Switzerland. If you thought the first two movies had enough false finishes, you have to see this ending to believe it! Time for maggot, mad ape, and monster child mayhem in Phenomena (1985)!

That date on the calendar seems to have rolled around again. Yes, it's Friday the 13th. And we are clearly obligated to deliver the sixth entry in our ongoing series covering Jason Voorhees.

We've finally made it to the ninth and tenth movies featuring Jason. So what does that crazy guy do this time? First, he goes to hell! In the appropriately titled, Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday (1993)! Actually, that subtitle is an obvious lie. Because that was definitely not the final Friday. But after going to hell, what can Jason do to possibly top that? Blast off on a rocketship into space, of course! And yes, that is exactly what happens in Jason X (2001).

It's time to close out 2022 by going back 35 years to 1987! But we then have to go back forward, into a dystopian future where criminals are forced to participate in a sadistic game show. And the future of law enforcement is a heroic cyborg-cop!

Let's not get too excited, though. They are two separate movies. Can you imagine RoboCop (1987) as a contestant on The Running Man (1987)? He can't run!

It's December. Time for family gatherings, baking cookies, happiness and all that stuff. Oh, and horror. There's always time for a little horror. It must be Horror for the Holidays IV!

A young boy, well-versed in action movies, defends his grandfather from a home invasion by an evil Santa in 36.15 code Père Noël (1989), which is also known as Deadly Games, Game Over, and Dial Code Santa Claus, among other things.

The shadow of Santa, a dark holiday spirit, along with its terrifying minions (like that jack-in-the-box swallowing children whole) wreak havoc on a family gathering. The neighborhood will never be the same after a visit from Krampus (2015).

And then from there, the spirit of an executed criminal finds its way into a foul-mouthed gingerbread cookie! No, I'm not lying, this is a real movie. Get ready to take a bite out of The Gingerdead Man (2005)!

Probably a good time to check in on the infected and see how they're holding up, 20 and 15 years later. And hey, let's see how many names we can mispronounce along the way. Well shit, there goes any hope of that Cillian Murphy interview.

The Rage virus is running wild in the United Kingdom! And it is infecting people and transforming them into highly agitated killing machines. If you think road rage is bad, or when someone gets the wrong order in a drive-thru, you've got another thing coming with these movies. It's anniversary time for 28 Days Later (2002) and 28 Weeks Later (2007)!

It may be November, but Halloween still haunts us. And YOU, if you dare listen to The Final Chapter of the 18th Annual A-Z of Horror Festival!

It's a festival first! A guest host! As the Common Craig's sister, Average Amy, creeps out of that casket in the root cellar, to help us sink our fangs into the original mini-series adaptation of Stephen King's Salem's Lot (1979). Vampires, the Marsten House, and a lot of small town 70s drama.

If you can't manage to find something that offends you at least a little bit in this movie, you're even more disturbed than the Common Craig. Good for you. This is THE Troma movie. The original monster hero born out of toxic waste. The Toxic Avenger (1984)!

If you're going to make a run at following Scream during the 90s slasher resurgence, you'd better have a good gimmick. And some attractive, young, up-and-coming talent. Plus horror veterans like Danielle Harris, Brad Dourif and Robert Englund. Does it work? Or is Urban Legend (1998) as effective as Pop Rocks and soda?

A television is shipped to a house instead of an institute for studies of the occult. That may not sound like a problem, but when The Video Dead (1987) emerge from that TV, even when it's unplugged, your weekend is probably going to be ruined.

If you've ever wanted to take a course on skiing, you may have second thoughts after this one. I mean, you'll at least be very particular when choosing which instructors you spend time with. Because these three? They make me very uncomfortable. Just stay away from Wolf's Hole (1987).

And if you decide to make some porn in middle-of-nowhere Texas, please make sure that you know who you're renting that boarding house from. Things do not go well in Ti West's X (2022).

Just imagine being raised in seclusion in a cave until you're a teenager. And when you finally emerge, you know nothing of the world. When witchcraft is the base of your knowledge, learning what it means to be human may prove to be quite a struggle, but You Won't Be Alone (2022).

Movie parents always seem so freaked out about their kids having imaginary friends. But with Z (2019), at least there's a very valid reason for concern.

The festival continues with Part Two, featuring TEN more movies, letters I-R! We'd better get right to it!

A chance encounter with a strange mist causes a man to begin to shrink! His whole body, not just...you know. What an emasculating experience for The Incredible Shrinking Man (1957). Even the cat wants to eat him!

Did you see that hole in the ground? Yeah, the one with the water in the bottom. Do you think that maybe we should start making human sacrifices and pour blood into it? Yeah? I think it's a great plan, too! That's Jug Face (2013).

I've always heard that Australia is such a beautiful place. And seemingly all of the wildlife there is ultra-deadly. But now you might just wake up with a stone of death on your pillow! And then one of those ultra-deadly animals is going to kill you, because you're marked for death. Not in the Steven Seagal way, but in the Kadaicha (1988) way.

Look fellas, Elaine Parks may be a tempting sight, but you may want to avoid drinking anything that she prepares for you. You may fall so deeply for The Love Witch (2016), that it kills you.

What is deadlier than one mummy hand? TWO mummy hands! But the title only mentions one. Sorry. It's the first sequel to the Universal Monsters classic, The Mummy's Hand (1940)!

What Linnea Quigley's character does with that lipstick is really the stand-out scene. Can anything else possibly liven up this Night of the Demons (1988)?

Is it just me, or has Carol Kane always seemed just a tiny bit on the verge of becoming completely unhinged? Well, Office Killer (1997) has fulfilled that fantasy for me.

A Japanese silent film that was lost for nearly forty-five years, then rediscovered in a shed by its director? An interesting film preservation method for A Page of Madness (1926).

Is that villa actually haunted by the spirit of a nymphomaniac? Or is the brain of Franco Nero's character just a little bit of a mess? Let's visit A Quiet Place in the Country (1968) and try to find out.

Unrequited love. Such a difficult situation to live with. Especially when you've been manipulated. But the answer is not going to Cambodia and using a zombie formula against your rival! Well, it is in Revolt of the Zombies (1936).

Halloween is upon us. Go buy every single pumpkin spice item you can find, and don't forget the Count Chocula! Oh, and the October ritual is back! It's time for the 18th Annual A-Z of Horror Festival!

Part one consists of entries A-H. Gear up for a wild Mexican exploitation ride, with enough evil to set your Satan detector into PANIC mode! Curse the day you meet Alucarda (1977)! A malevolent mound of muck begins devouring everything in a small mountain town, thanks to some updated 80s special effects. Is it an alien entity, or government conspiracy? One thing is for sure, it's The Blob (1988)! If you are running a struggling funeral parlor, killing off local townspeople may seem like a logical solution. But you have to make sure that you actually kill them! Vincent Price, Peter Lorre and Boris Karloff certainly have their problems offing Basil Rathbone in The Comedy of Terrors (1963). Hammer makes an attempt to appeal to groovy 70s kids, by bringing the classic Dracula versus Van Helsing feud out of their regular gothic trappings, and into the modern age. Dracula A.D. 1972 (1972) is such a giggle, man! Doris Wishman filmed this next one during her comeback run at age 89, in 2002. That's probably the most interesting thing about Each Time I Kill (2007), other than John Waters making a cameo appearance! Geena Davis begins to worry about Jeff Goldblum, as he is not quite himself after what seemed like a successful teleportation attempt using his recent invention. Unfortunately, he didn't anticipate what would happen should an uninvited guest join him in the telepod. Things get buggy in David Cronenberg's full-on body horror version of The Fly (1986)! Brad Dourif and James Earl Jones try to outdo each other, spinning spooky yarns around the campfire, in the western-themed horror anthology, Grim Prairie Tales (1990). And an accident strands a family, putting them in a battle for their lives against a desert clan who will eat any kind of meat that they can get their hands on! It's Wes Craven's classic, The Hills Have Eyes (1977)!

It's the third anniversary of the podcast and the Common Craig is STILL not cured! Nicole has chosen a nostalgic favorite, John Carpenter's Big Trouble in Little China (1986), in hopes of finally escaping the Hell of the Way Too Long Podcasts!

Kurt Russell stars in this 80s box office flop turned cult film sensation, as Jack Burton, a truck driver who uses his swaggering bravado to mask the fact that he is completely inept at pretty much everything. When a stop in San Francisco has him witnessing the kidnapping of his friend's fiancée, the resulting adventures in Chinatown leave Jack feeling completely out of his element.  But to be fair, how many people would feel comfortable stumbling into a back alley funeral procession that becomes a war? Or meeting an ancient sorcerer, who must marry and then sacrifice someone with green eyes, to appease the demon who has cursed him? Not to mention the Lords of Death, a gang of toughs, have stolen his truck. It does seem like a lot for one day.

Nicole catches a break, sitting out the majority of this episode before the A-Z of Horror season comes to consume her! Brother Brian sits in as guest co-host, to talk some video games. Stories from our youth, including some unusual choices for games that scared him, for a number of somewhat irrational reasons. We also try our best to come up with a top five of our favorite horror video games. But this is us, so if you're expecting your favorite title to make the top five, you're probably out of luck.

This is a movie podcast, though! So I couldn't let Brother Brian get away without making him suffer through a really odd video game movie adaptation for the second time in his life. The Mushroom Kingdom from the games already seems like it emerged from a drug-fueled haze. But what the hell were the writers on when they came up with this script? The main characters don't even wear their proper attire from the games until the movie is halfway over! And Goombas are large reptilian humanoids with tiny heads? Huh? And yes, that is the proper response after watching Super Mario Bros. (1993). Huh?

At least the next movie kind of sticks to the basics of the gameplay from the source material. Kicking. Punching. Martial arts action. Robert Patrick is no longer a Terminator, but he's still a villain, and he really wants the two pieces of this shiny golden medallion. Why? I don't know. Brother Brian tries to explain it, so just listen to the episode. Billy (no, not Bimmy) and Jimmy Lee are the brothers in futuristic 2007 New Angeles, who must save not only the medallion, but also local viewers from being subjected to Vanna White and George Hamilton as newscasters! And New Angeles is actually just Cleveland, in Double Dragon (1994).

What do a vampire, a pregnant lady, a pious nurse, a film censor, and an urban legend have in common? They're the main characters that appear in the final part of our trilogy of episodes focusing on women horror directors. Get ready for some fresh new blood, as we discuss five movies from the past ten years!

I don't know about you, but if I lived in a place called Bad City, I may not be too excited to be out walking alone at night. Of course, if I were a vampire, I would probably be a lot more confident about it. Which just happens to be the case in Ana Lily Amirpour's A Girl Walks Home Alone at Night (2014).

Not having the personal experience, I cannot be certain, but it seems like pregnancy might make me want to kill people, just in general. But her unborn child is actually very demanding about Ruth knocking off certain people. I guess that it probably just doesn't feel right telling her no. Which leads to a little Prevenge (2016), from writer, director, star Alice Lowe.

Maud seems like a responsible, polite caregiver. As long as you don't mind that she gets a little hung up on saving your soul. And she might have a history of doing things that are somewhat unhinged. Filmmaker Rose Glass introduces us to Saint Maud (2019)

Ah, the video nasty era. The perfect setting for a horror movie about a film censor. But Enid cannot seem to let go of a tragic event from her past. It's an obsession that leads her down a path of self-destruction in Prano Bailey-Bond's Censor (2021).

Didn't we talk about this guy before? We sure did! But this is a totally different guy. Director Nia DaCosta lets us in on a little secret. That a number of unfortunate souls have been cursed to fill this role. Try your best to stay away from mirrors! And definitely don't say Candyman (2021) five times!

More women! More horror! Directors. And movies. We're right in the middle of a three-part series on horror movies directed by women! This episode features very strong evidence that sometimes dead is better, a young girl who dreams of creepy storybook characters while rabbits run wild in Australia, western expansion and cannibalism in the 19th-century, and a promising medical student driven to pursue an unconventional surgical career.

Stephen King should be ashamed of himself. He gave a perfectly respectful graveyard honoring animals such a bad rap. It's a place where the dead speak. But you certainly do not want to go beyond, to the place where the dead walk! Director Mary Lambert takes us there and back again, in the first feature film adaptation of Pet Sematary (1989).

Political tension, and rabbit panic are running wild in Australia in 1957. A young girl struggles with forbidden friendships, the death of her grandmother, the threat of her pet rabbit being taken away, and even her own imagination. Childhood proves to be a very challenging experience for Celia (1989), directed by Ann Turner.

It's manifest destiny time in the United States. But some of these characters are definitely not who you would hope to encounter if you were heading west in the mid-1800s. Director Antonia Bird serves up a darkly comedic adventure of gruesome cannibalism, with some truly unsettling music setting the tone, in Ravenous (1999)!

Ah, Katharine Isabelle is featured in the role of Mary Mason. A promising young medical student, who uses her skill to perform underground body modification surgeries.  But why would she leave medical school for such a pursuit? Well, money. And revenge. The Soska Sisters invite you to spend a little time under the knife, with American Mary (2012).

We take a little journey through horror history, with a three-part series focusing on films directed by women. Let's get things started with a psychopathic hitchhiker, a horny desert vampire, a toxic monster, and a denim-clad driller killer!

A pioneer in women's filmmaking, Ida Lupino directs a claustrophobic movie set in the wide open desert, that is in truth more classic film noir than horror. What would you do if the guy you just picked up on the side of the road told you that he was going to kill you? It's just a matter of when. Maybe you should at least consider killing him first, in The Hitch-Hiker (1953).

Roger Corman disciple, Stephanie Rothman decides to keep us in the desert a little longer, as she directs a film that really wants to be arty and erotic. A couple is invited to the desert home of a mysterious woman who has designs on getting both of them in the sack. But wow, it's a little challenging to get interested in the sexuality when the acting is somewhat lacking, to say the least. But hey, if you're into that sort of thing, The Velvet Vampire (1971) may just become a cult favorite for you.

Less than a year after we discussed Blood Diner (1987), we thought that we had better check out Jackie Kong's first feature film. Pottsville, Idaho. They love potatoes, but they will sweep away smut. So don't even think about opening that massage parlor in their town! Radioactive toxic waste is fine, though. Until some kid goes missing and becomes a mutated toxic monster that rips off heads and delivers one hell of a heart punch, in The Being (1981)

And how many people would guess that The Slumber Party Massacre (1982), written by Rita Mae Brown, was also directed by a woman, Amy Holden Jones? With an escaped serial killer on the loose, stalking teenage girls (but he likes the boys, too), it's not difficult to figure out what that enormous power drill he carries around is supposed to represent. This 80s slasher VHS rental favorite might be a lot more fun than you expect.