At a Total Loss

Crystal’s daughter, Sienna Grace, was born just two days before my son, Brody. We connected through shared passion around advocacy for better medical and bereavement care. In this episode, we chat about Sienna’s shocking death during delivery after a healthy pregnancy, and how Crystal and her husband navigate life after loss. Crystal shares the long, painful journey of infertility that finally brought Sienna Grace into their life and how this precious baby girl continues to make an impact.

We dive into talking about personality traits, signs from our babies, setting boundaries, and even our faith in the midst of tragedy. Crystal also shares about the nonprofit organization, Weighted Angels, which helped bring her hope as she left the hospital without her baby. She is now a board member and serves as Secretary and Head of Volunteers for the organization in Virginia.

Crystal also discusses how people have shown support following her daughter’s death and how others can learn to show love to a loss mama too.

For more information about Weighted Angels, please visit weightedangels.com.

You can connect with Crystal on Instagram at @hope_enduring

NOTE: These are MY thoughts, experiences and opinions.  By no means am I telling anyone what to do, what's right or wrong, or how to handle grief or trauma.  

This is my real life, and I'm putting it out there so you feel less alone.

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For more REAL TALK about baby loss and grief, hit subscribe to be notified when another video drops!

 Instagram https: @thekatherinelazar

Youtube: @thekatherinelazar

Email: thekatherinelazar@gmail.com

Website: www.katherinelazar.com

Some helpful resources:

https://countthekicks.org/

https://www.measuretheplacenta.org/

https://www.pushpregnancy.org/

https://www.tommys.org/

Ad: Scout & Cellar Clean Crafted Wine

Local to Atlanta:

https://www.northsidepnl.com/

NOTE: These are MY thoughts, experiences and opinions.  By no means am I telling anyone what to do, what's right or wrong, or how to handle grief or trauma, or diagnose anyone.  

This is my real life, and I'm putting it out there so you feel less alone.

*************************************

For more REAL TALK about baby loss and grief, hit subscribe to be notified when another recording drops!

 Instagram https: @thekatherinelazar

Youtube: @thekatherinelazar

Email: thekatherinelazar@gmail.com

Website: www.katherinelazar.com

Some helpful resources:

https://countthekicks.org/

https://www.measuretheplacenta.org/

https://www.pushpregnancy.org/

https://www.tommys.org/

Ad: Scout & Cellar Clean Crafted Wine

Faryl and I discuss her beautiful baby, Daphne, and how she has taken on the role of stillbirth, baby loss, and infant death photographer for families in hospitals.  **WARNING: Talk about how a stillborn physically looks and what happens to them.**

We discuss how this affects her grief, her healing, and her recovery from the trauma of losing Daphne. I know her personally here in Atlanta and she has helped me so much.  This episode really gets me.  It's such a sensitive subject when it comes to our baby's photos.  Proceed with caution when you listen...

What we talk about:

*what stillborns physically look like

*her trauma of giving birth at home

*photographing bereaved families

*editing stillborn photos

*turning your pain into purpose

*absolutely insanely mean doctors

and so much more...

To follow Faryl, go to her IG at @faryl_cat 

And her website: www.farylann.com/giving-back

NOTE: These are MY thoughts, experiences and opinions.  By no means am I telling anyone what to do, what's right or wrong, or how to handle grief or trauma.  

This is my real life, and I'm putting it out there so you feel less alone.

*************************************

For more REAL TALK about baby loss and grief, hit subscribe to be notified when another video drops!

 Instagram: @thekatherinelazar

Youtube: @thekatherinelazar

Email: thekatherinelazar@gmail.com

Website: www.katherinelazar.com

Some helpful resources:

https://countthekicks.org/

https://www.measuretheplacenta.org/

https://www.pushpregnancy.org/

https://www.tommys.org/

Ad: Scout & Cellar Clean Crafted Wine

Local to Atlanta:

https://www.northsidepnl.com/

Hey it's me, Katherine, and it's just me LOL.  I'm flying solo on this special edition.  Since the episode drops on Thanksgiving, I wanted to dedicate this one to talking about the holiday and how we can navigate it.  I've spend A LOT of time over the past 10 months researching grief, reading, educating myself, talking to professionals, loss moms, non-loss moms, grievers, etc and wanted to share the things that I've learned and/or seen.  

The truth is, the holidays are SO freakin hard after your baby dies.  And there is no right or wrong way to navigate this.  So I discuss ways to honor our babies, tips on how to address family members, ways of coping during holiday events, things we should expect, how to approach certain situations, being grateful or not and mainly, how to  survive and get through the holidays.

I get a little preachy at the end there but I get fired up LOL...I hope this helps you and I hope that you have even for just one moment, a Happy Thanksgiving.

Shop my store for my sweatshirt: https://at-a-total-loss.myshopify.com/

NOTE: These are MY thoughts, experiences and opinions.  By no means am I telling anyone what to do, what's right or wrong, diagnosing or treating anyone. 

This is my real life, and I'm putting it out there so you feel less alone.

*************************************

For more REAL TALK about baby loss and grief, hit subscribe to be notified when another video drops!

 Instagram https: @thekatherinelazar

Youtube: @thekatherinelazar

Email: thekatherinelazar@gmail.com

Website: www.katherinelazar.com

Some helpful resources:

https://countthekicks.org/

https://www.measuretheplacenta.org/

https://www.pushpregnancy.org/

https://www.tommys.org/

Ad: Scout & Cellar Clean Crafted Wine

Local to Atlanta:

https://www.northsidepnl.com/

Follow me on Social Media:

Instagram and Facebook: @thekatherinelazar

Youtube: TheKatherineLazar

In this episode, I chat with Mim in the UK.  Her two son's died within the last year, Lenny at 40 weeks and Bhai at 18 weeks. She, along with her husband, Roy, are cycling the length of New Zealand and making an adventure film to simultaneously raise awareness for baby loss and raising funds to support their new charity "Lenny’s Legacy."

Mim has a wicked sense of humor and her love for her boys radiates through the microphone.  She has a background in research and has done A LOT herself trying to find answers and get down to the facts about preventable stillbirth. Mim comes packed with knowledge supported by the numbers and is on a mission to help get people to understand what this like and for her babies, and all of ours, to be remembered...

We talk about A LOT in this episode!

For more info from the UK on stillbirth and pregnancy loss, go to @Tommys

To follow their journey @lennyslegacy

NOTE: These are MY thoughts, experiences and opinions.  By no means am I telling anyone what to do, what's right or wrong, or how to handle grief or trauma.  

This is my real life, and I'm putting it out there so you feel less alone.

*************************************

For more REAL TALK about baby loss and grief, hit subscribe to be notified when another video drops!

 Instagram https: @thekatherinelazar

Youtube: @thekatherinelazar

Email: thekatherinelazar@gmail.com

Website: www.katherinelazar.com

Some helpful resources:

https://countthekicks.org/

https://www.measuretheplacenta.org/

https://www.pushpregnancy.org/

https://www.tommys.org/

Ad: Scout & Cellar Clean Crafted Wine

Heather and I were introduced literally the day Brody died.  Her daughter, Laura Caroline, was stillborn in September of 2007.  My sister had remembered that a friend of hers had a best friend with a similar experience.  Kristina contacted Heather and from there, Heather guided her on what needed to happen once we got to the hospital.  Her information was vital in our experience delivering and saying goodbye to Brody.  Heather also took the time to speak with me during the first days after loss, and we finally met just a couple weeks ago.  I'm so thankful for her transparency and her openness to talk about her story.

I love hearing the perspective of those who are far from loss.  Heather is 15 years out and the experiences she's had over the course of those years helps us who are new at this so much.  She gives a message of hope, inspiration, love, and support.  Listen to her discuss how she got to the point of accepting grief and love at the same time, her relationship with her husband, her friendships and what's next after 15 years of grieving her only daughter.  

NOTE: These are MY thoughts, experiences and opinions.  By no means am I telling anyone what to do, what's right or wrong, or how to handle grief or trauma.  

This is my real life, and I'm putting it out there so you feel less alone.

*************************************

For more REAL TALK about baby loss and grief, hit subscribe to be notified when another video drops!

 Instagram https: @thekatherinelazar

Youtube: @thekatherinelazar

Email: thekatherinelazar@gmail.com

Website: www.katherinelazar.com

Some helpful resources:

https://countthekicks.org/

https://www.measuretheplacenta.org/

https://www.pushpregnancy.org/

https://www.tommys.org/

Ad: Scout & Cellar Clean Crafted Wine

My dear friend Jennica and I met up in Atlanta to discuss her beautiful son Hugo and life after loss. We met through Dr Harvey Kliman who connected us after giving us the rundown on our boys' small placentas.  Her perspective and insight is so interesting to me and we get through only a fraction of what we want to talk about in just an hour.  

Here's what we discuss:

*Fake loss moms

*Social Media detox

*Who we were before loss

*People pleasing

*Keeping our sense of humor

*Our relationships with our husbands

*Her intuition of a spirit baby coming to her

*Signs from spirits and from our babies

*Past traumas and experiences influencing our grief

*Empowered Pregnancy

*Decisions made after birth

*How our babies looked after stillbirth

*And all the s**t that comes with death of our babies and SO much more...

To contact Jennica, (she's not on social media) email her at jennica.hill11@gmail.com...She'd love to hear from you :)

Follow me on IG, FB and Youtube at @thekatherinelazar

Sponsored by Scout & Cellar Clean Crafted Wine: www.scoutandcellar.com/katherinelazar

NOTE: These are MY thoughts, experiences and opinions.  By no means am I telling anyone what to do, what's right or wrong, or how to handle grief or trauma.  

This is my real life, and I'm putting it out there so you feel less alone.

*************************************

For more REAL TALK about baby loss and grief, hit subscribe to be notified when another video drops!

To contact me, follow me on Instagram or Facebook at @thekatherinelazar or email me at thekatherinelazar@gmail.com

Some helpful resources:

https://countthekicks.org/

https://www.measuretheplacenta.org/

https://www.pushpregnancy.org/

https://www.tommys.org/

Heather joins Katherine to chat about her beautiful boy, Miles, who died and was stillborn in April of 2019.  We discuss literally EVERYTHING in this episode.  Heather is so much fun to talk with and her knowledge about wellness and grief is vital to our journeys after loss.  We discuss the lack of care during labor and delivery, trauma on top of trauma on top of trauma, triggers, different types of therapies, and so much more.  Heather is honest and transparent in her delivery and her message of how to recover from deep traumas is something everyone should listen to.

Buckle up because we go IN! :)

Find Heather on IG at @wellnessandgrief

SANDS in the UK https://www.sands.org.uk

NOTE: These are MY thoughts, experiences and opinions.  By no means am I telling anyone what to do, what's right or wrong, or how to handle grief or trauma.  

This is my real life, and I'm putting it out there so you feel less alone.

*************************************

For more REAL TALK about baby loss and grief, hit subscribe for updates...

To contact me, follow me on Instagram or Facebook at @thekatherinelazar or email me at thekatherinelazar@gmail.com

Some helpful resources:

https://countthekicks.org/

https://www.measuretheplacenta.org/

https://www.pushpregnancy.org/

https://www.tommys.org/

Bliss sits down with Katherine in Atlanta to chat about her beautiful son Harrison, stillborn on February 12, 2013.  Her insight almost a decade from his death is vital to those who are just starting this life after loss.  We discuss dreams throughout pregnancy, the emotions that still come up 10 years later, seeing the beauty in the sadness, trying to be strong all the time, forgiving ourselves, guilt guilt guilt, and how grief folds itself into your life over the years without ruling everything we do.  

This episode is profoundly helpful if you're feeling like this pain will never stop. Bliss's insight on it has helped others in their journey of staying hopeful in the midst of so much darkness after loss.  

Follow me on IG @thekatherinelazar if you have questions about this episode.

Ana Vick's son Owen was stillborn on October 3, 2015.  Since then, she has set her sites on advocacy, prevention, education, and awareness.  

Ana is known as Still My Son on social media where she finds support and inspiration to continue pushing for change in memory of all babies gone too soon. Although she would much rather have her son in her arms, she proudly parents Owen through her activism and role as Co-Director of Communications of PUSH for Empowered Pregnancy (a stillbirth prevention non-profit she helped found with other bereaved families in 2021). As part of the Count the Kicks Influencer Advisory Board she leads targeted efforts to outreach to Latinx/Spanish speaking communities because every parent deserves to know how to protect their baby through fetal movement education. She is also a Measure the Placenta advocate pushing for this measurement (known as EPV) to become a standard of prenatal care to save vulnerable babies with small placentas from stillbirth. In addition, Ana is helping to spread “Womb Wisdom” through her new educational platform, Sacred Birth Circle, where she interviews maternal health experts & birthing parents to help families be better informed for their pregnancy and birth journeys.

Find Ana on IG at @stillmyson

Also here are some links-

Join us as a Changemaker: www.pushpregnancy.org/contact

Join the Big PUSH to end preventable stillbirth on 10/15:

thebigpushmarch.org

tinyurl.com/bigpushtees

Learn about the Rainbow Clinic & virtual PAL training for your provider:

pushpregnancy.org/rainbow-clinic

Create a memorial page to help fund year two:

tinyurl.com/RainbowClinic2022

Learn about fetal movement & proper kick counting (plus get the free APP): countthekicks.org

This is truly one of the most honest, transparent, and open conversations I've had on this podcast.  Amanda's sweet Juniper died and was stillborn on August 9, 2018.  After her death, Amanda started to get answers as to what happened.  It was found that Junie had a small placenta, and it was from this realization that Amanda became an advocate for stopping preventable stillbirths through measuring the placenta.  Amanda's signature dark humor makes her such a light and someone that is the true meaning of grieving how YOU want to grieve and never apologizing for it.  Her honest and raw approach to mothering her two living babies while also mothering Junie, gives hope that we can move forward with our precious babies always in mind.  We laugh in this episode, a lot LOL.  Which is OK to do! We discuss dark humor, placenta measuring, trusting professionals, the rude shit people do, baby daddy, the least worst things people should do, and so much more.  Buckle up, this is what it sounds like to be a loss momma.  

For info on measuring the placenta, go to MeasurethePlacenta.org

Follow Amanda on IG at @OrangeAFMama

Also, find the Small Placenta Stillbirth Group on Facebook 

**NOTE: this is always an open platform from the viewpoint of the guest and does not always reflect my beliefs. As always do your own research & use your own judgement on what's best for you. I am not a doctor or a therapist. I am just a real life loss mom describing her experiences with life after loss. This is my real life, and I'm putting it out there so you feel less alone. ***

For more REAL TALK about pregnancy loss, stillbirth and grief, hit follow!

Instagram  @thekatherinelazar

Facebook: @thekatherinelazar

Youtube: @thekatherinelazar

Email: thekatherinelazar@gmail.com

Website: www.katherinelazar.com

In this Episode, Katherine's husband, Michael, talks about his experiences before and after the death of their son. He openly talks about the pregnancy, the day they were told Brody was gone, the delivery, being Brody's father, the days after and what it's like as the partner to a Loss Mom.  This open and real conversation is very special.  Many times the partner of the Loss Parent gets overlooked.  But their feelings and perspective are valid, as they grieve just as much as Loss Moms do.  This episode is a peak into what the horrific experience with stillbirth is like and an example of how you can make it to the other side together.  

Find Katherine on IG at @thekatherinelazar

And Michael on IG at @lazar.michael

Bree is the owner of Loved Momma Fitness, a CrossFit coach and also holds a Bachelor’s degree in Psychology.  Her beautiful daughter, Rainey, was born still in April of 2021.  Before that, she worked with the pre and postnatal population of women for almost three years. Since the death of her daughter, Bree has begun working with loss mothers who have experienced tragic pregnancy or infant loss and recently launched her first return to exercise program, the Recovery After Loss Program. The program is completely trigger free, is six months long and walks with mothers through both their physical and emotional healing.

Katherine, also a fitness professional shares her insight as to her experiences getting back into workouts, her relationship with her body and fitness, and what it means to have a safe space to go to after baby loss. 

You can find Katherine on Instagram and Facebook at @thekatherinelazar

You can follow Bree on her instagram: @loved_momma_fitness

To download her program, go to www.lovedmommafitness.com

Use promo code ATL10 for 10% your program! 

Amy is a certified life and grief coach. After losing beautiful Lauren at 39.5 weeks and River at 14 weeks, she combined her own experiences with stillbirth, weeks, miscarriage and pregnancy after loss with powerful mindset tools to help moms find themselves again after baby loss. This conversation is raw and real covering all emotions that grief entails.  Her message of how we're all so different yet so similar in grief, how we should grieve how we need to, and that there is hope and light waiting for us when we are ready, is an intensely important message for all.

Amy has a podcast to help other Loss Moms and here are her links:

Links: smoothstonescoaching.com

Podcast: Smooth Stones

Instagram: @amy.smoothstonescoaching

Facebook: Smooth Stones Coaching

Moria's beautiful baby, Noah, was born still March 9, 2021.  Moria radiates energy, hope and positivity in her experiences after loss.  Her ministry, Mother of Wilde, creates beautiful prints of babies lost and her relationship with the Lord is a huge part of her journey.

We talk about hope vs hopeless, digging yourself out of suffering, God's calling for us, being a light, and most importantly our beautiful boys and what they've taught us.

This episode speaks to those who are in need of light, those who question their relationship with their faith, those wanting inspiration on how to honor their babies, and also, anyone who just needs to hear beautiful words from a Loss Mom herself. 

Follow Moria on Instagram: @motherofwilde

Her website: https://www.motherofwilde.com/

In this episode, Katherine talks with her sister Kristina.  They discuss the viewpoint and perspective of the support person of a Loss Parent.  Trying to help a Loss Mom after the death of their baby doesn't come with an instruction manual, yet Kristina did a good job of navigating this horrible tragedy to support her sister. She describes where she got her direction from, what it took to stay close, how she managed to keep showing up and all the things that she did to never give up on Katherine.  This is an insightful perspective for anyone looking for direction on how to help a Loss Mom or parent. Because, helping the person closest to the parents suffering will directly help the Loss Mom. 

If you'd like to reach out to Kristina, find her Instagram here: @kristinaafitz

Erica talks about her beautiful daughter, Verity, who died just 13 days after her birth.  She opens up about what happened to her and what happened next after her preventable death.  We talk about survival mode, intention vs impact, bills bills bills, trauma response, treatment from healthcare professionals, triggers, and so much more.  Her wicked personality and her desire to help others is awesome to listen to.  Verity is definitely so proud of her momma!

Things mentioned in this episode:

Erica's Instagram Profile: @travelingwithgrief

Book: Bittersweet by Susan Cain https://susancain.net/book/bittersweet/

Movie: Return to Zero

Helpful IG page: Real Life Midwife

**Trigger Warning:  baby in the background around 29:50 mark** Megan's daughter, Grace, died at 38 weeks and was born still on June 6, 2020.  Megan opens up about her heartbreak and about how she coped after the death of her first child.  She speaks about her switch in mindset, and how she actively tried to reposition her outlook to a more positive one while choosing better ways of handling grief and sadness.  She also discusses her relationship with fitness and how it changed after Grace.  

You can follow or message Megan on her Instagram @meganbutler28

Domenique is a big voice in the Stillbirth and Baby Loss community.  She has been an inspiration to so many as she openly speaks about her experiences after her son TJ was born still in May 29, 2017.  Domenique talks about finally getting answers to what happened to him as well as her unapologetic way of grieving.  She is also a champion for change, teaming up with several organizations to help prevent stillbirth from happening. Her insight is knowledgeable, insightful, inspirational and compassionate.  This is one episode you do not want to miss!

Domenique mentions several helpful links and contact information throughout the Episode:

How to get in touch with Domenique:  @stillbirthmamafightingforlight

Push for Empowered Pregnancy: @pushpregnancy

Still Counts Campaign: @stillcountsorg

Count the Kicks: @countthekicksus

PushPregnancy.com

Dr Harvey Kliman- Placenta specialist at Yale University

And as always, find me on Instagram: @thekatherinelazar

Liz's first son, Harrison, was born still on October 20, 2021.  Liz talks about the changes she's making in her workplace to receive recognition for bereavement and stillbirth rather than if she had a living child.  She does things with a senes of humor and strong outlook on how to handle grief and who she is now. Follow Liz and bother her with questions! Go to her instagram: @lizmeyers19