Breaking the Silence

Pornography involves a lot of inward thinking and selfishness. One way to get out of that is to serve others and focus on creating rather than consuming. Finding something positive to do besides watching pornography is one way Weston Smith and Spencer Buswell have worked towards recovery. They believe that doing something bigger than yourself, something meaningful and creative, can distract from temptation and connect you to a bigger purpose in life.

In this episode:

• Be relentless and dauntless.
• Pour your soul into a worthy cause. 
• Work to be excellent rather than going back to normal. 
• What will the highlight reel of your life be like?

Show Notes:  

• Submit anonymous questions, stories, or comments here.
• Follow us on Facebook and Instagram for more!
• Contact us at hello@reach10.org.
• Learn more about our nonprofit at Reach 10.

Disclaimer: The views expressed by guests do not necessarily represent our views. We offer this information in good faith, but we don’t make any representation that what you hear is accurate, reliable, or complete. Reach 10 and the Breaking the Silence podcast are not responsible or liable for your use of any information heard in this podcast. 

A struggle with pornography is difficult enough, and facing it alone isn’t helpful. It takes extreme vulnerability to open up with the truth about your life, but it's so worth it when you find a community to support you. Spencer and Weston talk about the value of friendship, fighting the battle together, and how to find your people. Connect with someone that is going through the same thing so that you can push each other to new heights.

In this episode

• Weston and Spencer’s friendship is a two-way street.
• Find someone who loves you no matter what - and lets you make your own choices.
• To find a community, you need to seek for it.
• When you realize you’re not alone, pornography’s grip is cut in half.
• Sometimes recovery is a group effort.

Links

The Eternal Warrior Podcast

Show Notes:

• Submit anonymous questions, stories, or comments here.
• Follow us on Facebook and Instagram for more!
• Contact us at hello@reach10.org.
• Learn more about our nonprofit at Reach 10.

Disclaimer: The views expressed by guests do not necessarily represent our views. We offer this information in good faith, but we don’t make any representation that what you hear is accurate, reliable, or complete. Reach 10 and the Breaking the Silence podcast are not responsible or liable for your use of any information heard in this podcast.

We flipped roles and put Creed and Crishelle in the guest seats! Hear what they think is the best part of doing the podcast - and what's the hardest part. What do they want every young adult to know?  Join us and learn more about our awesome podcasts hosts and why they are willing to talk about topics that no one wants to bring up.

Show Notes:

• Submit anonymous questions, stories, or comments here.
• Follow us on Facebook and Instagram for more!
• Contact us at hello@reach10.org.
• Learn more about our nonprofit at Reach 10.

Disclaimer: The views expressed by guests do not necessarily represent our views. We offer this information in good faith, but we don’t make any representation that what you hear is accurate, reliable, or complete. Reach 10 and the Breaking the Silence podcast are not responsible or liable for your use of any information heard in this podcast.

Hear the rest of the story! This is part 2 of Stephen and Bentlee Edgington’s interview in episode 54. Bentlee shares how she had the courage to ask the question about pornography and what she was afraid of. Stephen shares that both partners can feel like victims when this challenging issue comes up, but it works better to have compassion for how hard it is for both people to talk about it.

In this episode:

• The importance of honesty when talking about pornography.
• How will pornography affect our future relationship?
• Worrying about what other people might think.

Show notes:

• Submit anonymous questions, stories, or comments here.
• Follow us on Facebook and Instagram for more!
• Contact us at hello@reach10.org.
• Learn more about our nonprofit at Reach 10.

After a couple has their first discussion about pornography - now what? In Part 1 of this conversation, Creed and Crishelle hear Stephen and Bentlee’s story about first talking this issue in their relationship, and how they learned to talk more openly about it in spite of their fears.

In this episode:

• It takes courage on both sides to talk honestly about this.
• What Stephen learned from other relationships.
• Keep in mind what your end goal for the relationship is.

Show Notes:

• Submit anonymous questions, stories, or comments here.
• Follow us on Facebook and Instagram for more!
• Contact us at hello@reach10.org.
• Learn more about our nonprofit at Reach 10.

Slip-ups happen when someone views pornography even though they are trying to quit. That comes with a lot of different emotions, from shame to discouragement. Geoff Steurer, a marriage and family therapist, talks with Creed and Crishelle on how people can learn from relapse and use it to become stronger. Relapse is a part of recovery, and even part of everyone’s life.

In this episode:

• Talk about shame so that you can learn from relapses.
• Ease up on the judgement on yourself.
• Stand up to the bully in your head.
• Talk with someone you trust who can help you see the facts.
• Be compassionate about the pain your partner is going through.
• Have a support system outside of your partner.

Geoff’s Links:

• Website
• Illuminate Podcast
• Instagram @geoffsteurer
• Facebook

Show Notes:

• Submit anonymous questions, stories, or comments here.
• Follow us on Facebook and Instagram for more!
• Contact us at hello@reach10.org.
• Learn more about our nonprofit at Reach 10.

Disclaimer: The views expressed by guests do not necessarily represent our views. We offer this information in good faith, but we don’t make any representation that what you hear is accurate, reliable, or complete. Reach 10 and the Breaking the Silence podcast are not responsible or liable for your use of any information heard in this podcast.

As a certified sex coach, Amanda Louder teaches clients all day about how to have better sexual health, and as a mom she has experience teaching her children about topics surrounding sex. Creed and Crishelle talk with her about how to start important conversations about sex with your partner, children, or other loved ones. They also discuss steps both married and single adults can take to prepare for and improve sexual relationships.

In this episode:

• Intimacy is about knowing your partner and opening up completely.
• Our bodies are inherently good. There is nothing about our bodies that is shameful.
• The six principles of sexual health
• Sexual agreements to make ahead of marriage
• Take care of yourself first and make sure you are in integrity with yourself.
• Be open with your partner about what is working or not working for you.
• Sex is a lot more than intercourse.

Amanda’s Links:

• Podcast: Live From Love
• Website: AmandaLouder.com
• Get the Sexual Health and Agreements worksheet

Show Notes:

• Submit anonymous questions, stories, or comments here.
• Follow us on Facebook and Instagram for more!
• Contact us at hello@reach10.org.
• Learn more about our nonprofit at Reach 10.

Disclaimer: The views expressed by guests do not necessarily represent our views. We offer this information in good faith, but we don’t make any representation that what you hear is accurate, reliable, or complete. Reach 10 and the Breaking the Silence podcast are not responsible or liable for your use of any information heard in this podcast.

Being in a relationship with someone who is struggling with pornography is not easy. That’s why when Bree Swaner found herself in that situation, she worked to create a support system for herself so that she could support her husband. This week, Creed and Crishelle talk with Bree about how working through your feelings is the first step to being able to be at peace with your partner’s struggles, and how you can start having the tough conversations in your home.

In this episode:

• Don’t be afraid to ask your partner the hard questions about their struggle so you can fully understand the situation.
• Take time for yourself so you can work through the emotions.
• Don’t take responsibility for your partner’s actions.
• Look for support groups with members who are going through similar struggles with betrayal trauma.

Links:

• Bree's Facebook Group - Wives of Porn Addicts, A Support Group for the Supportive

Show Notes:

• Submit anonymous questions, stories, or comments here.
• Follow us on Facebook and Instagram for more!
• Contact us at hello@reach10.org.
• Learn more about our nonprofit at Reach 10.

Disclaimer: The views expressed by guests do not necessarily represent our views. We offer this information in good faith, but we don’t make any representation that what you hear is accurate, reliable, or complete. Reach 10 and the Breaking the Silence podcast are not responsible or liable for your use of any information heard in this podcast.

The stigma that comes with a struggle with pornography often prevents people from sharing their story. The problem is, this often leads to someone feeling alone in their situation. Creed and Crishelle chat with Stephen Edgington about how sharing his story taught him how important connection is, whether you struggle with pornography or know someone who is struggling.

In this episode:

• Practice opening up to people you trust to learn how to share your story.
• If someone doesn’t react well, you don’t have to continue to share with them.
• Set boundaries with the use of technology.
• Self-doubt prevents you from sharing your story.

Show Notes:

• Submit anonymous questions, stories, or comments here.
• Follow us on Facebook and Instagram for more!
• Contact us at hello@reach10.org.
• Learn more about our nonprofit at Reach 10.

Disclaimer: The views expressed by guests do not necessarily represent our views. We offer this information in good faith, but we don’t make any representation that what you hear is accurate, reliable, or complete. Reach 10 and the Breaking the Silence podcast are not responsible or liable for your use of any information heard in this podcast.

Seeking therapy can be kind of scary! Worry about the cost, concern about what others may think, or being afraid to talk about our personal problems could keep someone from reaching out for professional help. Cassandra Hulse joins Creed and Crishelle to discuss the ins and outs of therapy for beginners. Hear about how therapy can help someone find the healing they’re searching for.

In this episode:

• Keep trying until you find the right therapist for you.
• Online therapy can be a great resource to those with limited time or during the pandemic.
• You are worthy of taking care of yourself through therapy.
• Normalize therapy as a gym for the mind.

Show Notes:

• Submit anonymous questions, stories, or comments here.
• Follow us on Facebook and Instagram for more!
• Contact us at hello@reach10.org.
• Learn more about our nonprofit at Reach 10.

Disclaimer: The views expressed by guests do not necessarily represent our views. We offer this information in good faith, but we don’t make any representation that what you hear is accurate, reliable, or complete. Reach 10 and the Breaking the Silence podcast are not responsible or liable for your use of any information heard in this podcast.

Finding the right program is essential when recovering from pornography use. Knowing what is available can help you suggest resources to help friends and family. Josh Otani has been working with the Men of Moroni and seen a huge, positive difference in his progress. This week, Creed and Crishelle talk with Josh about how this program has helped him establish safeguards, routines, and connection to help him along in his recovery. Learn what this resource has to offer.

In this episode: 

• Honesty is an important principle for recovery. 
• Find a routine to substitute the desire to view pornography with something healthier. 
• Accountability with a trusted friend can help relinquish the relapses in recovery.
• Each routine should be personalized to accommodate one’s triggers.

Links:

Email Josh: joshuaotani@gmail.com 

• Josh's blog 
• The Eternal Warrior Podcast 
• He Restoreth My Soul book
• Life Changing Services - Men of Moroni Program
• LDS Addiction Recovery meetings 
• Flagpole ideas 

Show Notes:

Submit anonymous questions, stories, or comments here.

• Follow us on Facebook and Instagram for more!
• Contact us at hello@reach10.org.
• Learn more about our nonprofit at Reach 10.

Disclaimer: The views expressed by guests do not necessarily represent our views. We offer this information in good faith, but we don’t make any representation that what you hear is accurate, reliable, or complete. Reach 10 and the Breaking the Silence podcast are not responsible or liable for your use of any information heard in this podcast.

When you’re in a relationship with someone struggling with pornography, you may feel disconnected and hurt. This week, Creed and Crishelle talk with Lauren Hunter about how important it is to seek help when experiencing betrayal trauma, and how shame can get in the way of honest, open communication. They also discuss how pornography creates effects that damage relationships and how we can talk about those effects without creating more shame and fear.

In this episode:

• The effects of pornography on relationships.
• Getting help when you feel something is wrong in a relationship.
• Find a 12 step program for betrayal trauma.

Links:

• Chainbreaker Foundation
• Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself by Melody Beattie

Show Notes:

• Submit anonymous questions, stories, or comments here.
• Follow us on Facebook and Instagram for more!
• Contact us at hello@reach10.org.
• Learn more about our nonprofit at Reach 10.

Disclaimer: The views expressed by guests do not necessarily represent our views. We offer this information in good faith, but we don’t make any representation that what you hear is accurate, reliable, or complete. Reach 10 and the Breaking the Silence podcast are not responsible or liable for your use of any information heard in this podcast.

Online resources for those struggling with pornography have some benefits, such as anonymity and being available to help at any time. This week, Crishelle and Creed talk with Clay Olsen (co-founder of Fight the New Drug) about Fortify, an app that helps people stay on track in their recovery.

In this episode:

• Fortify is not meant to replace therapy or 12 step programs, but enhance the experience.
• The recently-released redesign makes it easy to find support online.
• The program meets someone where they are in recovery.
• Small, incremental changes can have a profound impact on your ability to overcome the next challenge.
• Working towards healing is so unbelievably worth it.

Links:

Fortify app

Show Notes:

• Submit anonymous questions, stories, or comments here.
• Follow us on Facebook and Instagram for more!
• Contact us at hello@reach10.org.
• Learn more about our nonprofit at Reach 10.

Disclaimer: The views expressed by guests do not necessarily represent our views. We offer this information in good faith, but we don’t make any representation that what you hear is accurate, reliable, or complete. Reach 10 and the Breaking the Silence podcast are not responsible or liable for your use of any information heard in this podcast.

For each person struggling with pornography, the journey is individual and difficult in its own way. So how does someone know when to call themself an “addict”? Creed and Crishelle talk with Cassandra Hulse about how she came to realize that labeling yourself an addict is very personal and really depends on how it can help you in recovery. Hear her breakthrough story when she realized that the goal of recovery is to live a healthy life, not to attend a recovery program forever.

In this episode:

• Labels are important and very personal. Everyone gets to choose what works for them.
• Addiction is not a permanent condition.
• Principles of recovery are lifelong habits, but not everyone will need to continue all the programs or meetings for the rest of their life.
• Be compassionate about where people are on their journey right now.

Show Notes:

• Submit anonymous questions, stories, or comments here.
• Follow us on Facebook and Instagram for more!
• Contact us at hello@reach10.org.
• Learn more about our nonprofit at Reach 10.

Disclaimer: The views expressed by guests do not necessarily represent our views. We offer this information in good faith, but we don’t make any representation that what you hear is accurate, reliable, or complete. Reach 10 and the Breaking the Silence podcast are not responsible or liable for your use of any information heard in this podcast.

Media definitely has the potential to shape our understanding of sexuality - what we should think and how we should act. For people who have a long-term vision that involves a more holistic approach of the relational, emotional, and spiritual aspects of sexuality, then you start to see where the message portrayed in pornography doesn't line up with those goals. Listen as Creed and Crishelle talk with Nathan Leonhardt, a PhD student at the University of Toronto, about sexual scripts, research on pornography, and 3 fundamental systems for building relationships.

In this episode:

• We have many sources of info about sex that influence us in addition to media.
• Pornography teaches sexual scripts (expectations) that are more aligned with short-term sexuality than long-term sexuality.
• Research often reports on an incomplete view of romantic relationships.
• Our goals and ideals about relationships and sexuality organize the way we see the world.
• Religious people may report negative effects from viewing pornography because they see the gap between their ideal values and what pornography portrays.

Show notes:

• Submit anonymous questions, stories, or comments here.
• Follow us on Facebook and Instagram for more!
• Contact us at hello@reach10.org.
• Learn more about our nonprofit at Reach 10.

Disclaimer: The views expressed by guests do not necessarily represent our views. We offer this information in good faith, but we don’t make any representation that what you hear is accurate, reliable, or complete. Reach 10 and the Breaking the Silence podcast are not responsible or liable for your use of any information heard in this podcast.

Thoughts often seem to pop up all on their own, which can feel discouraging when one is trying to overcome pornography. Mindfulness can help change that. In this episode, Creed and Crishelle talk again with Ty Mansfield about how to begin practicing mindfulness and using those new skills to think and act more intentionally.

In this episode:

• Being fully present with less judgement and more compassion takes practice.
• Start practicing mindfulness through guided meditations and reading more about it.
• Mindfulness increases our power to act more intentionally.
• We can learn to bring our thoughts back to what we want to focus on.

Links:

• Stillness: Mindful Living for Latter-day Saints by Jacob Hess, Ty Mansfield, and others
• Mindfulness for Beginners: Reclaiming the Present Moment and Your Life 
• Insight Timer App free guided meditations
• Jack Kornfield Meditations 
• Tara Brach 

Show Notes:

• Submit anonymous questions, stories, or comments here.
• Follow us on Facebook and Instagram for more!
• Contact us at hello@reach10.org.
• Learn more about our nonprofit at Reach 10.

Disclaimer: The views expressed by guests do not necessarily represent our views. We offer this information in good faith, but we don’t make any representation that what you hear is accurate, reliable, or complete. Reach 10 and the Breaking the Silence podcast are not responsible or liable for your use of any information heard in this podcast.

With all the distractions there are in the world, learning to sit still and observe our own emotions and bodies can be quite difficult. In this episode, Creed and Crishelle talk with therapist Ty Mansfield about how practicing mindfulness can improve our lives, whether we are overcoming pornography, understanding healthy sexuality, or just learning how to handle our emotions.

In this episode:

• Mindfulness increases the power to act and be in the moment.
• Sitting with emotions provides the ability to work through shame.
• Understanding about ourselves as physical, sexual, and spiritual beings can come through mindfulness.

Links:

Stillness: Mindful Living for Latter-day Saints by Jacob Hess, Ty Mansfield, and others

Show Notes:

• Submit anonymous questions, stories, or comments here.
• Follow us on Facebook and Instagram for more!
• Contact us at hello@reach10.org.
• Learn more about our nonprofit at Reach 10.

Disclaimer: The views expressed by guests do not necessarily represent our views. We offer this information in good faith, but we don’t make any representation that what you hear is accurate, reliable, or complete. Reach 10 and the Breaking the Silence podcast are not responsible or liable for your use of any information heard in this podcast.

Dating while struggling with pornography sometimes feels like a complete no go. But Brandon Fielding is a young therapist who shares how to know if you should go for it! Creed and Crishelle talk with him about how to get prepared to date if you aren’t quite there yet and how to approach the topic when you’re in a relationship.

In this episode:

• Everyone has their baggage. You can’t wait to date until you are perfect.
• Choose to talk about what you struggle with when you feel comfortable with your emotional intimacy level.
• Shame tells us we are alone. By opening up, you can realize those lies aren’t true.

Links:

• Brandon's website
• Email: Brandon.Fielding17@gmail.com

Show notes:

• Submit anonymous questions, stories, or comments here.
• Follow us on Facebook and Instagram for more!
• Contact us at hello@reach10.org.
• Learn more about our nonprofit at Reach 10.

Disclaimer: The views expressed by guests do not necessarily represent our views. We offer this information in good faith, but we don’t make any representation that what you hear is accurate, reliable, or complete. Reach 10 and the Breaking the Silence podcast are not responsible or liable for your use of any information heard in this podcast.

Becoming more aware of both the physical and emotional aspects of your body is an important part of healthy sexuality. Creed and Crishelle talk with Ellyse Winward to learn how she continues to build self confidence through mindfulness and understanding healthy sexuality.

In this episode:

• You can learn about healthy sexuality even if you’re single.
• Becoming more mindful of your feelings and body brings self love and prepares you to be in a committed relationship.
• Learning about this subject makes it easier for you to follow your values.
• You are a sexual being and have been since birth.

Links:

• Sexual Wholeness in Marriage: An LDS Perspective on Integrating Sexuality and Spirituality in our Marriages by Dean M. Busby PhD, Jason S. Carroll PhD, Chelom Leavitt
• Purity and Passion by Wendy L. Watson

Show notes:

• Submit anonymous questions, stories, or comments here.
• Follow us on Facebook and Instagram for more!
• Contact us at hello@reach10.org.
• Learn more about our nonprofit at Reach 10.

When searching for a solution to overcome pornography, try looking at the big picture and expect the process to take time. Creed and Crishelle explore this idea with Dr. Adam Moore as they discuss how to approach recovery from two perspectives: that using pornography causes problems in peoples’ lives and relationships, and is also a symptom of an underlying issue. Coming from both angles can offer the boost for lasting change.

Dr. Adam M. Moore is a licensed marriage and family therapist and co-owner of Sela Health, which operates mental health counseling offices in Utah and Nevada.

In this episode:

• Recovery is complicated and there is not a one-size-fits-all solution.
• Anything that matters is worth putting effort into.
• Oversimplifying addiction recovery is detrimental to those experiencing it.
• Getting feedback from a therapist or family member can give you better insight on your progress.
• The amazing space shuttle analogy for getting velocity in early recovery

Dr. Moore's Links:

• Pocket Therapist podcast -- a mental health and relationship podcast -- www.yourpockettherapist.com
• My free content about recovery from compulsive pornography use -- www.adammmoore.com/media
• The counseling practice I manage - Utah Valley Counseling -- www.utahvalleycounseling.com
• The counseling practice I manage in Nevada - Las Vegas Counseling -- www.lasvegascounseling.com
• My Recovery Portal - my online education portal for free and paid content for pornography addiction recovery -- www.myrecoveryportal.com
• Pornography addiction recovery workbook - http://www.myrecoveryportal.com/product/the-recovery-workbook-for-sexual-addiction-compulsive-sexual-behaviors/

Show notes:

• Submit anonymous questions, stories, or comments here.
• Follow us on Facebook and Instagram for more!
• Contact us at hello@reach10.org.
• Learn more about our nonprofit at Reach 10.