Breaking the Silence

Whether dealing with a desire to view pornography, or other urges like eating or scrolling social media, Sara Brewer offers a mindful approach to managing them. Sara is a  certified life coach who works with people who want to quit pornography. She suggests that we stop, drop, and breathe, a process that allows us to become better at managing our feelings without acting out on them. We don’t have to be afraid of feeling strong urges when we know what to do with them.

In this episode: 

• Learn to redirect your brain from what you want in the moment to what you want overall
• The goal is to get really good at feeling urges and discomfort and recognizing where they come from
• Breathe into the uncomfortable sensation and let yourself feel it to let it pass

Sara's links:

• Sara's website Sara Brewer Coaching
• Sara's podcast Overcome Pornography for Good
• Sara's Instagram @sarahbrewercoaching

Show Notes:  

• Submit anonymous questions, stories, or comments here.
• Follow us on Facebook and Instagram for more!
• Contact us at hello@reach10.org.
• Learn more about our nonprofit at Reach 10.

Disclaimer: The views expressed by guests do not necessarily represent our views. We offer this information in good faith, but we don’t make any representation that what you hear is accurate, reliable, or complete. Reach 10 and the Breaking the Silence podcast are not responsible or liable for your use of any information heard in this podcast

Because of the stigma behind women and their sexuality, talking about pornography issues can be even more difficult. We feel like we'll die if we tell anyone we have a problem with pornography. Mackenzie Preza has struggled and learned that when women open up about their experiences, it becomes easier to find help and dispel shame. She also wants women to embrace their sexuality and be more open about it! 

In this episode: 

• The more you share your experiences, the easier it gets. 
• Sex is a gift from God that sometimes gets twisted in our culture to be “bad”
• Sharing our experiences helps others beat the shame surrounding pornography

Show notes:  

• Submit anonymous questions, stories, or comments here.
• Follow us on Facebook and Instagram for more!
• Contact us at hello@reach10.org.
• Learn more about our nonprofit at Reach 10.

Disclaimer: The views expressed by guests do not necessarily represent our views. We offer this information in good faith, but we don’t make any representation that what you hear is accurate, reliable, or complete. Reach 10 and the Breaking the Silence podcast are not responsible or liable for your use of any information heard in this podcast.

This time we're switching roles! You'll hear from Creed and Crishelle, our young adults hosts, talk about their own stories of breaking the silence around shame, pornography, family struggles, and other sensitive issues. They share how others can develop the courage and permission to speak up about their own questions, struggles, and concerns. We're sharing a podcast episode originally published by one of our favorite therapists, Geoff Steurer, on his insightful From Crisis to Connection Podcast (episode 84). You definitely want to follow his podcast too!

Links:
From Crisis to Connection Podcast

Show Notes:  

• Submit anonymous questions, stories, or comments here.
• Follow us on Facebook and Instagram for more!
• Contact us at hello@reach10.org.
• Learn more about our nonprofit at Reach 10.

Disclaimer: The views expressed by guests do not necessarily represent our views. We offer this information in good faith, but we don’t make any representation that what you hear is accurate, reliable, or complete. Reach 10 and the Breaking the Silence podcast are not responsible or liable for your use of any information heard in this podcast. 

When someone with a religious background is working through recovery from pornography, they may also be working through the repentance process. Hayden and Savannah Paul have seen the power of repentance in their own lives and love to tell others about it! You’ll hear some new ways of thinking about repentance, becoming a better person, and the role of a bishop in the process. 

In this episode: 

• Repentance is the process of learning to become like Jesus Christ. 
• Honesty is easier in a relationship of trust.
• Repentance is not punishment. It is the escape from punishment. 
• Church leaders can be another source of help, along with other powerful resources for recovery.

Links: 

I Stand At the Door Podcast 

Show Notes:  

• Submit anonymous questions, stories, or comments here.
• Follow us on Facebook and Instagram for more!
• Contact us at hello@reach10.org.
• Learn more about our nonprofit at Reach 10.

Disclaimer: The views expressed by guests do not necessarily represent our views. We offer this information in good faith, but we don’t make any representation that what you hear is accurate, reliable, or complete. Reach 10 and the Breaking the Silence podcast are not responsible or liable for your use of any information heard in this podcast.

When we’re in the thick of recovery, it’s hard to see past the difficulties and imagine a bright future. It does get easier! Taylor Chambers says deciding what we want to do with our freedom is one way to find hope in the journey. We can start envisioning where we want to be so we have the motivation to keep working on recovery. 

In this episode: 

• There might be seasons where you go back to the basics or need a game plan to get through challenging times
• 3 ways people express life purpose: Personal growth, connection, and contribution
• How to know when you’re ready to move on to the next level

Links: 

taylor.chambers.j@gmail.com

Show Notes:  

• Submit anonymous questions, stories, or comments here.
• Follow us on Facebook and Instagram for more!
• Contact us at hello@reach10.org.
• Learn more about our nonprofit at Reach 10.

Disclaimer: The views expressed by guests do not necessarily represent our views. We offer this information in good faith, but we don’t make any representation that what you hear is accurate, reliable, or complete. Reach 10 and the Breaking the Silence podcast are not responsible or liable for your use of any information heard in this podcast.

Smith Alley became addicted to pornography even before he was a teenager. Then his world turned upside down one day and he chose to begin a journey to recovery from pornography. As he turned from porn and toward loving and serving others, he connected with other teens who needed help, too. He created the Live Life Bigger Foundation to share his message, and has already spoken to 100,000+ people. Learn how serving others, redefining what love and happiness mean, and creating a schedule can help you become the person you want to be. 

In this episode: 

• We’re our own biggest bully 
• Habits and a schedule help fill the void 
• Be proud of ourselves for the little things 

Links: 

• smithalley@livelifebigger.org
• www.livelifebigger.org
• Instagram: @live.life.bigger

Show Notes:  

• Submit anonymous questions, stories, or comments here.
• Follow us on Facebook and Instagram for more!
• Contact us at hello@reach10.org.
• Learn more about our nonprofit at Reach 10.

Being a student is hard, especially when feeling alienated because of a struggle with pornography. Or maybe feeling confused about how to help a friend entrenched in this problem. Emi Bass wanted to find a way to help, so she founded the Un-Alone Club at BYU. Students are invited to meet over Zoom, anonymously or not, to find insight, community and relief from issues like pornography use, betrayal trauma, supporting friends struggling, and more. You’ll be inspired by her story and how one person can start something that really matters.

In this episode: 

• The opportunity to share stories anonymously allows members to find connection. 
• Finding the right resource can change the recovery journey.
• Shame doesn’t have to rule your life. If you can let it go, you can connect. 

Links: 

• Follow the Un-Alone Club on Instagram

Show Notes:  

• Submit anonymous questions, stories, or comments here.
• Follow us on Facebook and Instagram for more!
• Contact us at hello@reach10.org.
• Learn more about our nonprofit at Reach 10.

Disclaimer: The views expressed by guests do not necessarily represent our views. We offer this information in good faith, but we don’t make any representation that what you hear is accurate, reliable, or complete. Reach 10 and the Breaking the Silence podcast are not responsible or liable for your use of any information heard in this podcast. 

You’ve probably heard about betrayal trauma in marriage, but this time we’re talking about how it shows up in dating relationships and what to do about it. Therapist Kaylee Dunn wants people to know they aren’t alone, they aren’t crazy, it’s normal to be in distress, and there is a way through with therapy with a qualified professional, education, and group support.

In this episode:

• Flashbacks, difficult moods, avoidance, and hyper-vigilance are normal responses to broken trust in a close relationship.
• Whether someone stays in the relationship or not, they will need support to heal the attachment wounds. 
• Why it’s important for partners to disclose their challenges with pornography even though it will cause pain.
• How someone can support a girlfriend/boyfriend who has experienced betrayal trauma in the past.

Links: 

• IG: @kayleecdunn
• solaceemotionalhealth.org/awake
• kaylee@solaceemotional.com
• https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCdEYwhgdA8ODTWKKltdeLcg
• Awaken Facebook Group 

Show Notes:  

• Submit anonymous questions, stories, or comments here.
• Follow us on Facebook and Instagram for more!
• Contact us at hello@reach10.org.
• Learn more about our nonprofit at Reach 10.

Disclaimer: The views expressed by guests do not necessarily represent our views. We offer this information in good faith, but we don’t make any representation that what you hear is accurate, reliable, or complete. Reach 10 and the Breaking the Silence podcast are not responsible or liable for your use of any information heard in this podcast. 

If we’re wondering whether we need to go to a therapist, it’s probably the time to make the jump! Rachel Denton suggests that when you do decide to start searching for the right therapist for you, look for someone you can trust. Find someone who is familiar with what you are struggling with, whether it’s pornography or mental health. And then be ready to start sharing your story - it’s one of the most healing things you can do in therapy.

In this episode: 

• Your first therapist doesn’t have to be your only therapist.
• The relationship of trust in a therapeutic relationship is very important.
• Successful change comes from being willing to share your story. 

Links: 

• Reach out to Rachel: rndenton718@gmail.com

Show Notes:  

• Submit anonymous questions, stories, or comments here.
• Follow us on Facebook and Instagram for more!
• Contact us at hello@reach10.org.
• Learn more about our nonprofit at Reach 10.

Disclaimer: The views expressed by guests do not necessarily represent our views. We offer this information in good faith, but we don’t make any representation that what you hear is accurate, reliable, or complete. Reach 10 and the Breaking the Silence podcast are not responsible or liable for your use of any information heard in this podcast.

How can you keep a close relationship with your partner? It’s as simple as A-E-I-O-U! Using a check-in based on the vowels, Rhyll and Steven Croshaw communicate every night about how they are doing in emotional, mental, and physical health and their progress in their recovery. They share how this has helped them align their goals and keep from drifting apart. 

In this episode: 

Check-ins are for the person speaking - don’t interrupt, save questions for later

Each person shares honestly what is going on in their life; it isn’t about one partner policing the other

Recognize what a spouse is like in addiction and in recovery

Check-ins can also help in a sponsor/sponsee relationship

Links: 

Instagram: @salifelinefoundation

Facebook: SA Lifeline Foundation

salifeline.org

sal12step.org

Show Notes:  

Submit anonymous questions, stories, or comments here.

Follow us on Facebook and Instagram for more!

Contact us at hello@reach10.org.

Learn more about our nonprofit at Reach 10.

Disclaimer: The views expressed by guests do not necessarily represent our views. We offer this information in good faith, but we don’t make any representation that what you hear is accurate, reliable, or complete. Reach 10 and the Breaking the Silence podcast are not responsible or liable for your use of any information heard in this podcast.

A sponsor is someone who can share their own experience of recovery through the 12 Steps and can offer hope, encouragement, accountability, and feedback. If someone knows about good sponsor relationships, it’s Steven Croshaw. After struggling with a sex addiction for decades, he turned to a 12-step program to work towards recovery. Through this experience, he learned how to create a supportive situation with a sponsor or sponsee for a healthy relationship that works. 

In this episode: 

• Working through recovery is easier with someone who has success working through the steps.
• We need to learn how to surrender our will to God.
• God will recognize our desires if we are willing to move our feet.

Links: 

• Instagram: @salifelinefoundation
• Facebook: SA Lifeline Foundation
• salifeline.org
• sal12step.org

Show Notes:  

• Submit anonymous questions, stories, or comments here.
• Follow us on Facebook and Instagram for more!
• Contact us at hello@reach10.org.
• Learn more about our nonprofit at Reach 10.

Disclaimer: The views expressed by guests do not necessarily represent our views. We offer this information in good faith, but we don’t make any representation that what you hear is accurate, reliable, or complete. Reach 10 and the Breaking the Silence podcast are not responsible or liable for your use of any information heard in this podcast.

It’s no secret. Shame often follows pornography even if you aren’t the user, especially in relationships. What are people thinking? Rhyll Crowshaw experienced this when her husband came to her with a sex addiction, and she had to decide how to move forward in their relationship. She discusses how to dispel the fear and shame that comes when worrying about others’ judgments, and work through betrayal trauma when a partner is struggling. 

In this episode: 

• Pornography addiction is traumatizing to a partner because it is a form of rejection.
• Work towards being trustworthy and trusting another person. 
• There has to be a spiritual connection to find recovery. 
• Healing looks like courage, confidence, faith, peace, and serenity.

Links: 

• Instagram: @salifelinefoundation
• Facebook: SA Lifeline Foundation
• salifeline.org
• sal12step.org

Show Notes:  

• Submit anonymous questions, stories, or comments here.
• Follow us on Facebook and Instagram for more!
• Contact us at hello@reach10.org.
• Learn more about our nonprofit at Reach 10.

Disclaimer: The views expressed by guests do not necessarily represent our views. We offer this information in good faith, but we don’t make any representation that what you hear is accurate, reliable, or complete. Reach 10 and the Breaking the Silence podcast are not responsible or liable for your use of any information heard in this podcast.

Talking about pornography and sex can be awkward, shameful, and even scary. In fact, many of us were taught that the best way to deal with it was to avoid the subject completely. So it’s not only users, but parents, spouses, and friends who hide from confronting the issue of pornography. Brigham Elton is a certified pornography and sexual addiction counselor. Listen as he shares the benefits of talking about sex and pornography with kids, friends, and your spouse. Let’s come out of hiding and face it together. 

In this episode: 

• Hiding is motivated by fear of many kinds.
• We hide how we really feel if we’re discouraged, sad, or hurt about it and why.
• Ask someone you are seriously dating about their values surrounding sex and their history regarding pornography.
• If we change our view of sex, pornography becomes less appealing. 

Links:

• Brigham Elton’s website: True-connections.org
• Instagram: @tc.rebootandrise
• @trueconnectionslds

Show Notes:  

• Submit anonymous questions, stories, or comments here.
• Follow us on Facebook and Instagram for more!
• Contact us at hello@reach10.org.
• Learn more about our nonprofit at Reach 10.

Disclaimer: The views expressed by guests do not necessarily represent our views. We offer this information in good faith, but we don’t make any representation that what you hear is accurate, reliable, or complete. Reach 10 and the Breaking the Silence podcast are not responsible or liable for your use of any information heard in this podcast. 

Kids hire pornography for a variety of jobs to help them grow up, and the surprising thing is it makes sense. Creed and Crishelle talk with Kristen Jenson, author of Good Pictures Bad Pictures and founder of Protect Young minds, about this unusual way of understanding kids. She did a study with 10 young people who had a history of porn use. They found 4 categories of jobs that kids hired porn to do:

1. Knowledge about sex
2. Escaping from stressful emotions
3. Normalizing sexual abuse
4. Rebelling in a safe way

In this episode: 

• Kids need to learn how to be adults and they’re trying to make progress and grow up. 
• Talk with kids earlier than you think and teach them to manage their emotions. 

Links:

• Website/Books: www.protectyoungminds.org/books
• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ProtectYM/
• Instagram: @protectyoungminds
• Twitter: @protectYM

Show Notes:  

• Submit anonymous questions, stories, or comments here.
• Follow us on Facebook and Instagram for more!
• Contact us at hello@reach10.org.
• Learn more about our nonprofit at Reach 10.

Disclaimer: The views expressed by guests do not necessarily represent our views. We offer this information in good faith, but we don’t make any representation that what you hear is accurate, reliable, or complete. Reach 10 and the Breaking the Silence podcast are not responsible or liable for your use of any information heard in this podcast. 

It’s easy to get sucked into your phone, tv shows, or video games and forget who you are and what you really want out of life. Jason and Lisa Frost, young authors of a new book, talk with Creed and Crishelle about being intentional with media and living from your values. We should be angry instead of ashamed about screen culture and the big tech companies setting traps to steal our attention. They suggest that taking a break away from screens is worth it for the healthy benefits. 

In this episode: 

• Pornography is one of the ways tech tries to capture time and attention for big money
• Find time to have a digital break and reset 
• Take time to think about your values 

Links: 

• The Glass Between Us, Empowering Youth to Combat Digital Exploitation, A Value-Based Guide for Screen-Driven Challenges
• Jason@wiredhuman.org
• Lisa@wiredhuman.org
• Website: Wiredhuman.org
• Facebook: @wearewiredhuman
• Instagram: @wearewiredhuman
• Twitter: @wearewiredhuman

Show Notes:  

• Submit anonymous questions, stories, or comments here.
• Follow us on Facebook and Instagram for more!
• Contact us at hello@reach10.org.
• Learn more about our nonprofit at Reach 10.

Disclaimer: The views expressed by guests do not necessarily represent our views. We offer this information in good faith, but we don’t make any representation that what you hear is accurate, reliable, or complete. Reach 10 and the Breaking the Silence podcast are not responsible or liable for your use of any information heard in this podcast. 

EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing) is a fascinating and effective therapy treatment that shifts stored memories and helps people not be so triggered by past trauma. It relieves emotional distress and calms the physical response to past memories. Our guest, Amanda Christenson is a therapist trained in EMDR. Listen in as Creed and Crishelle learn from her about how this form of therapy can relieve shame reactions and help individuals and couples overcome pornography.

In this episode: 

• Being stuck in a compulsive behavior like pornography can cause trauma
• EMDR can help couples no matter where they are at in recovery 
• This therapy can help with self-compassion

Links:

• Amanda’s Instagram - @amandachristensonmft
• Hope Therapy website

Show Notes:  

• Submit anonymous questions, stories, or comments here.
• Follow us on Facebook and Instagram for more!
• Contact us at hello@reach10.org.
• Learn more about our nonprofit at Reach 10.

Disclaimer: The views expressed by guests do not necessarily represent our views. We offer this information in good faith, but we don’t make any representation that what you hear is accurate, reliable, or complete. Reach 10 and the Breaking the Silence podcast are not responsible or liable for your use of any information heard in this podcast.

We all want to have connection in our marriage, especially when we struggle. Zach and Darcy Spafford discuss how to pause and step back to connect when pornography comes in between them. They also share the importance of compassion and grace towards themselves and each other in the process.

In this episode:

• Each person can work for compassion for what the other is feeling.
• Ask about emotions rather than defending your behavior.
• Intimacy grows when problems are tackled together.
• Recovery requires actual skills. 
• The unending compassion of Christ.

Links:

• Zach Spafford, Self Mastery Coach website
• email: info@zachspafford.com
• Instagram @zachspafford.selfmasterycoach
• The Self Mastery Podcast

Show Notes:  

• Submit anonymous questions, stories, or comments here.
• Follow us on Facebook and Instagram for more!
• Contact us at hello@reach10.org.
• Learn more about our nonprofit at Reach 10.

Disclaimer: The views expressed by guests do not necessarily represent our views. We offer this information in good faith, but we don’t make any representation that what you hear is accurate, reliable, or complete. Reach 10 and the Breaking the Silence podcast are not responsible or liable for your use of any information heard in this podcast. 

Watching a spouse work through recovery can be tough. Darcy Spafford experienced this when her husband, Zach, struggled with pornography. She shares how she separated herself from his actions and learned to have compassion for him and for herself. It helped to question the thoughts that popped up and decide if they’re really true. 

In this episode:

• Realizing how we’re the same; we may sin differently but we all struggle with something
• Support your spouse by allowing them to express their emotions
• Trying to control your spouse isn’t the answer

Links:

• Zach Spafford, Self Mastery Coach website
• email: info@zachspafford.com
• Instagram @zachspafford.selfmasterycoach
• The Self Mastery Podcast

Show Notes:  

• Submit anonymous questions, stories, or comments here.
• Follow us on Facebook and Instagram for more!
• Contact us at hello@reach10.org.
• Learn more about our nonprofit at Reach 10.

Disclaimer: The views expressed by guests do not necessarily represent our views. We offer this information in good faith, but we don’t make any representation that what you hear is accurate, reliable, or complete. Reach 10 and the Breaking the Silence podcast are not responsible or liable for your use of any information heard in this podcast. 

When struggling with something as difficult as pornography, it can be easy to feel like you no longer have a choice in your actions. But coach Zachary Spafford says taking responsibility for your decisions can lead to a whole new perspective that helps in recovery. Creed and Crishelle talk with Zach about his own journey to recovery and how changing your thoughts makes the road easier. 

In this episode:

• We have to have the capacity to choose.
• Own your agency.
• Agency is how we bring ourselves in alignment with God’s will.
• When we say we can’t do something, we abdicate our agency.

Links:
Zach Spafford, Self Mastery Coach website
email: info@zachspafford.com
Instagram @zachspafford.selfmasterycoach
The Self Mastery Podcast
Jody Moore Better Than Happy Podcast

Show Notes:  

• Submit anonymous questions, stories, or comments here.
• Follow us on Facebook and Instagram for more!
• Contact us at hello@reach10.org.
• Learn more about our nonprofit at Reach 10.

Disclaimer: The views expressed by guests do not necessarily represent our views. We offer this information in good faith, but we don’t make any representation that what you hear is accurate, reliable, or complete. Reach 10 and the Breaking the Silence podcast are not responsible or liable for your use of any information heard in this podcast. 

Many young adults didn’t grow up with sexuality as a frequent topic in their homes. Join Creed and Crishelle as they chat with Lucy Ferguson about their lack of sex education as youth and how to learn more about healthy sexuality as you prepare for marriage. "Ignorance is bliss" does NOT apply to sex education. Bliss in healthy sexuality comes from being educated. It’s never too late to learn more!

In this episode: 

• Advocate for better sex education.
• Take charge of your sexual health. Your experience depends on your preparation.
• God wants us to enjoy sexuality in marriage. 

Show Notes:  

• Submit anonymous questions, stories, or comments here.
• Follow us on Facebook and Instagram for more!
• Contact us at hello@reach10.org.
• Learn more about our nonprofit at Reach 10.

Disclaimer: The views expressed by guests do not necessarily represent our views. We offer this information in good faith, but we don’t make any representation that what you hear is accurate, reliable, or complete. Reach 10 and the Breaking the Silence podcast are not responsible or liable for your use of any information heard in this podcast.