Caffeinated Humor: Sarcastic Comedy For The Masses

Pets can be a total upgrade to your life. 

Right up until they die.

Because unless you love parrots or tortoises, you will always outlive your pets. 

And sometimes, you are a "Person of interest" in the death of that pet.

What a vague and sinister phrase, and subject. 

Listen to this one with strong coffee, french roast. 

Just when you think society in general and the future in specific are doomed, the kids come roaring back with some badass skills. 

Thank you kids. 

Starting to think you are the future.

We all look upon our childhood as this magical time of fun and wonder.

Right up until it turns on us like a rabid dog.

Chilling.

I would like to think I am above that.

I would like to, but I am not. 

All I'm saying is, not every kid is going to grow up and be in the corner office.

Some of them will start out sweeping the parking and eventually retire running the drive thru window like a BOSS.

You can be detained and held hostage by many things.

Including your own mind. 

Some things are funny, right up until they aren't.

And then you're just screwed.

They say you can't choose your parents, but I bet there are some that would really like to. 

Where is the Wicked Witch when you need her? (To take the dog? Dorthy? Yellow brick- fuck it. you either get it or you don't)

Compelling evidence of the direct connection between classic literature and creepy dudes. 

If its not the cause, perhaps its a symptom. 

podcast humor sarcasm sarcastic comedy funny millennial forrest gump parenting delusional

It never occurs to crazy that it is crazy, no matter how crazy it is. 

When you go crazy, thats the new norm.

Relax, its about a female dog. 

The obvious physical trait that is judged by most people is height.  If you want to argue that, take a moment to peruse any dating site. You will find easily 70% of the ladies bios have a mention of what height they will find acceptable to date. Do I sound bitter? Yeah, I do. 

But what about those people dealing with the other end of the spectrum? The too tall? Turns out they have shit to deal with also.

When your body keeps moving but your mind checks out? 

And its because of high exposure to rotten children?

Its called babysitting.

There is a place where the hair color of choice is blue. 

And it ain't a punk rock club. 

Take your definition of old, and make it older. 

You're getting there.

While stupid is as stupid does.....

Crazy does whatever it wants to. 

And you can argue that one if you like, cuz I sure won't.

Because even if you think its over, its still not over.

"So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay."

Doesn't matter if you like poetry or not, Robert Frost knew his shit. 

Be present like you'll never be there again.

Cause you never will be.

Its that space between proper and improper that makes me laugh. 

Trigger warning. Pervy shit.